(alright, i officially declare this blog ARCHIVED. you can now find me over here)
wallacepolsom
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

#extradirty

shark vs the universe
d e v o n

Janaina Medeiros
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
taylor price
DEAR READER
almost home
Xuebing Du
cherry valley forever

★
Sade Olutola
Cosmic Funnies
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
AnasAbdin

⁂
YOU ARE THE REASON
Sweet Seals For You, Always

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@racheliismsarchive
(alright, i officially declare this blog ARCHIVED. you can now find me over here)
(ok so here’s the thing. i need a fresh start so my blog is organized and therefore more muse. so with that being the case, i’ve decided to archive this blog and move to a new one. the url will be the same and i’d like to keep the threads i have going right now! i just needed a new tagging system / organization on my blog. i’ll post the link here in a few minutes!)
barry-oswald:
after the wedding, i promise i’ll make a decision.
SENTENCE MEMES FROM POPULAR TUMBLR TEXT POSTS :
this post was used for reference.
❛ but officer, they were fucking with my clique. ❜ ❛ if you lose yourself, i will find you. ❜ ❛ true friends don’t judge each other. they judge other people. together. ❜ ❛ oh, you’re my friend? name three of my albums. ❜ ❛ i’m sorry, but you must be at least a level four friend to unlock my tragic backstory. ❜ ❛ fuck you but fuck me first. ❜ ❛ you’re cute, what is your face html? ❜ ❛ my life is one big ‘ wow, ok. ’ ❜ ❛ my life is just poorly made decisions with alternative music playing in the background. ❜ ❛ i accidentally messed up my life, how do i start a new account? ❜ ❛ my life is a joke and i’m not laughing anymore. ❜ ❛ at myself, what the fuck are you doing. ❜ ❛ if yahoo answers can’t solve your problem, then you’re in too deep. ❜ ❛ this is the police. open up. tell me something about yourself, don’t be afraid. ❜ ❛ how do you get a nice body without moving. ❜ ❛ it’s so hard when you’re in a cuddly mood and don’t have anyone to cuddle with!! this is an outrage!! ❜ ❛ ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened? ❜ ❛ you ever just ugh really hard? ❜ ❛ i’m a really affectionate person one you get past my five layers of shyness, awkwardness, fear, vague dislike and loneliness. ❜ ❛ i was confident for like two minutes one time. ❜ ❛ all i think about is sex and what i’m going to eat next. ❜ ❛ i have my pencils and my tears ready. ❜ ❛ i’m that kinda person who, between two choices, will always pick the wrong one. ❜ ❛ i avoid everyone, including the people i like. ❜ ❛ i always wonder why no one likes me and then i remember that i don’t even like me. ❜ ❛ gosh golly! this beat is … whoo! this beat is … DANDY! ❜ ❛ it’s hard being hilarious when everyone ignores you. ❜ ❛ thinking about space fucks me up. ❜ ❛ my biggest struggle in life is trying to make my eyeliner the same on both eyes. ❜ ❛ i wish i could illegally download clothes. ❜ ❛ heelys don’t have brakes because my swag don’t stop. ❜ ❛ i know i make lots of jokes but i promise you, i’m a really sad person. ❜ ❛ at least i can admit that i’m a piece of shit. ❜ ❛ ‘ i’m not bitter ’ i say bitterly, with a bitter expression. ❜ ❛ i’m fluent in talking shit. ❜ ❛ it’s crazy how there are seven billion people on the planet and all of them are in love with me. ❜ ❛ why am i better than everyone? ❜ ❛ sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic comments. ❜ ❛ I SWEAR, I AM NOT CUTE OR SWEET. DON’T CALL ME THAT. I AM EVIL. I AM THE SHADOWS IN THE NIGHT. FEAR ME. ❜ ❛ i don’t ‘ dress to impress. ’ i dress to depress. i wanna look so good that people hate themselves. ❜ ❛ i love learning bad things about people i don’t like. ❜ ❛ i bet you thought you’d seen the last of me. ❜ ❛ i’m just an asshole with feelings. ❜ ❛ there’s a special place in hell reserved for me. it’s called the throne. ❜ ❛ damn boy, are you the terms and conditions? because i don’t give a fuck about what you have to say. ❜ ❛ damn gurl, you flappy bird? because no one likes you. ❜ ❛ your tattoo says ‘ only god can judge me, ’ yet here i am. ❜ ❛ i’m not even sassy, i’m just an asshole. ❜ ❛ i’m not a bitch, i am the bitch. ❜ ❛ i like being obsessed with things so that i am distracted from how much i hate myself. ❜ ❛ tips on talking to me when i’m pissed off: don’t. ❜ ❛ my fashion sense is called ‘ i am cold and pissed off. ’ ❜ ❛ maybe ‘ fuck you ’ will be our always. ❜ ❛ i believe in hate at first sight. ❜ ❛ you hate me? wow, so much in common already. ❜ ❛ i’m filled with hate and useless facts. ❜ ❛ do you ever just wear headphones so people won’t talk to you? ❜ ❛ i’d be such a good girlfriend, you’re all missing out. ❜ ❛ getting into a relationship may seem tempting but so was getting on the titanic ship and look what happened there. ❜ ❛ there’s always gonna be that one person who you can’t get out of your mind, no matter how hard you try. ❜ ❛ i ship me and money. ❜ ❛ have you ever met someone who’s smile looks like it could make flowers grow? ❜ ❛ how do i get over someone i never dated? ❜ ❛ i have a very big crush on you but sadly i am only a little bug and you are a garden. ❜ ❛ if you grab my face right before you kiss me, i’ll definitely fall in love with you. ❜ ❛ i don’t like your clothes, take them off. ❜ ❛ put me in the coffin with both middle fingers up. ❜ ❛ dying is taking too long. ❜ ❛ being cremated is my last hope of getting a hot, smoking body. ❜ ❛ don’t joke about murder. i was murdered once and it offends me. ❜ ❛ you can’t spell school without ‘ i want to stab myself. ’ ❜ ❛ good news, everyone: dogs. ❜ ❛ if you think it’s impossible to fall asleep to heavy metal, then you’re completely wrong. ❜
yes, I AM a star !
written by ash
❛ That’s for me to know && you to not find out. Let’s just say I have my connections. The real question here is why can’t we hang it up!? ❜ he replies in flabbergasted sarcasm. Sebastian made a face of mocking surprise as if it was impolite to turn down his cunning gift && furrowed his brows back at her before a slight grin creeps it’s way into his act. ❛ I personally think it really screams abstract. The way your face looks like a frustrated raisin. The way that blue slushie contrasts with whatever horrible fashion choices you were making back then. It’s all so beautiful. ❜
unbelievable. sebastian smythe was unbelievable. with a roll of her eyes, rachel pursed her lips for a moment before parting them to speak.
“ i disagree, sebastian. i think that picture screams irrelevance. && there’s just no room for it here, sorry. ”
more like sorry not sorry. rachel didn’t know why she was even surprised ;; this was completely like the sebastian she remembered when they were still in high school. he was as snarky as ever. rude && completely out of line. but now she was stuck with him. maybe she’d spoken too soon on agreeing to let him move in.
blaine:
Blaine knew this was coming the minute he lightly–as in a pensive whisper–suggested the idea he repeated in his head a million times before actually going through with asking. Yes, he might have let Rachel think Sebastian was only here for a visit but he was hoping she might see his boyfriend in a different light if she gave him a chance and spent some time with him.
Or not.
“I understand where you are coming from. I get it. You and everyone else doesn’t like or trust him but–hear me out. Please? Five minutes. Give me five minutes,” he knew it was going to take longer than that but if he could squeeze five out of her? It was a good place to start? “Just to explain myself and prove to you that-! That-! This can be a good thing?”
it was out of respect for her friendship with blaine that rachel didn’t perform one of her signature storm outs. the timing was perfect for it but rachel refrained. “ blaine, sebastian has been nothing but rude since he got here! the first thing he did was ask me if my eyebrows were removable. I BARELY FILL THEM IN! no--- no! ”
rachel huffed && crossed her arms, going quiet. with a heavy sigh, she nodded at him. “ fine. five minutes. go. ”
the roommate from hell (sebastian smythe):
Coming to New York on a last minute note, his boyfriend was all he knew when it came to the city streets so far. Making new friends wasn’t easy for Sebastian. He totally could of managed to pay for a flat of his own, but after spending several nights at Blaine && Rachel’s apartment, it became very clear that it was much more amusing to piss off Rachel Berry with his presence. Roommates would only make it funner. A satisfied grin perks up at the corners of his lips. ❛ Took long enough. I can finally give you the house warming gift I’ve had prepared for when you said yes, since I obviously knew you would. Because let’s face it, this house needs warming. With the combination of Blaine’s endless bow tie collection && your outgoing personality, it’s pretty lame. ❜ he explains, pulling an item from his bag. ❛ ——Which is exactly why I’m gifting you with this lovely photo of you getting slushied during your freshman year. I was planning on using it as blackmail back in high school but then I turned all nice guy so I never got the chance. ❜
rachel lifted an eyebrow when sebastian mentioned a housewarming gift. maybe it would be so bad after all. in the spirit of friendship, she ignored his remarks about the apartment. she thought it looked homey. she && blaine had decorated together, and she was proud of their work.
all of her positive thoughts && vibes completely disappeared however the moment sebastian showed her the picture of a slushie she’d gotten freshman year. she furrowed her brows && shook her head.
“ where did you even get that, sebastian? and there is NO WAY in hell you are hanging that up! ”
@bcingnicesucks gets a starter!
“ okay fine---- you can move in with us. ”
this was not what she wanted, and it took a lot of convincing for her to go along with it. the SOLE reason she even considered it was because blaine was her friend, && it meant a lot to him to give sebastian a chance ;; after all, they were all out of high school, && had grown up a little bit.
@pianokeysandbowties gets a starter!
it was hard to have a private discussion in the small apartment. but rachel needed to speak with blaine about their new house guest. yes, she was referring to sebastian smythe as their house guest. because there was absolutely NO WAY he was moving in with them. absolutely no way at all. && rachel told blaine exactly that once they were out of sebastian’s earshot.
“ there is no way sebastian smythe is moving in with us! ”
My whole life I’ve been looking to be a part of something special, to feel special, but the truth is that I am special.
Fuller House Starters. (Part 1)
“In a bare-knuckled fight Elvis destroys Bullwinkle every time.”
“No wonder your butt was so firm.”
“You know what’s weird? (name) is 60 years old and still wearing the same Bugs Bunny Pajamas.”
“that accent is really cute… would you please stop doing it.”
“(name) sends her love but she’s stuck in New York running her fashion empire.”
“We only need to pass two more classes to graduate.”
“The best part about college is that we got hella good surfing!”
“I’ve gotta get to work. I’ve got a bride and a groom who’s dog swallowed their wedding ring. That’s what you get for making a beagle your best man.”
“Damn we all still look good!”
“Relax mom, I already know all the bad words: darn, booger and Donald Trump!”
“I feel like this is my house too, I was here more than my own home.”
“Once again my feet save the day!”
“It’s like the circle of life… oh look, and there’s Simba.”
“I can’t worry about the things I can’t change.”
“It sounds boring– to me. But it’s perfect for you!”
“What’s going on in here?”
“Nothing!”
“There’s kids and grandkids everywhere– and a guy with a woodchuck puppet.”
“I love when you talk clean to me.”
“Oh hey you guys really dressed up. T-shirts with no holes.”
“Right after we graduate college, we’re moving to LA to open out fish taco truck!”
“You’re cleaning at housekeeper level!”
“Ah ah ah! (name) and I are temporarily separated. I will admit, it does not look good, but my goose is not officially cooked!”
“(name) this is a going away party …so, please, go away.”
“Yes I made one mistake… many, many times.”
“Oh she’s doing great! She’s about to go into labor, but I’m the one putting on all the pregnancy weight.”
“Look, (name), I know you’re not ready to start something new, or restart something old, but I want you to know that, when you’re ready, I’m gonna be right here.”
“Little weenie?”
“Well you’ve gotta remember this was the 70s, when nobody cared about kids getting hurt.”
“She ruined my cowboy party! She blew out my candles, she stole my wish –which was for her to leave, and then when she did leave she rode away on the pony ride pony!”
“You’re leaving, you’re leaving, you’re leaving, you already left, I hope you’re leaving.”
“If every word I said could make you laugh I’d talk forever.”
“I’ve been so happy loving you.”
“(name) implanted a tiny explosive in my brain. that he can detonate at any moment.”
“How dare you!”
“And you can start making your own bed too!”
“You know it’s funny, I always thought you and me would wind up together.”
“Yeah, that’s my other big regret. I lost half my money and half my hair.”
“Wow that’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to go to Cleveland!”
“I’ve got the answer: just never go to sleep!”
“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
“Did you ever get that mole checked out?”
“In some odd, sick, twisted way, I may actually miss you.”
“You can say it. You love me!”
“Wow! That was really– …anti-climactic.”
“Okay I’ll… raid the fridge… snoop around… try on some clothes.”
“I’m so worried I can’t eat. This has never happened before!”
“This is better than Shark Week!”
“No! This is my responsibility!”
“So that was a yes to the puppy?”
“Found one of my missing shirts from 1989! This baby never went out of style.”
“For the first time we’re gonna be all on our own.”
“I just hope I can give you the beautiful life you deserve.”
“Sounds like you guys got this covered. I’ll be in LA if you need me.”
“You are entirely too stubborn to ask anyone for help!”
“You’ve been there for me my whole life.”
“I was the kid no one ever wanted to hang out with– for reasons I’ll never understand.”
“You always had my back, so now I’ve got yours.”
“I’m gonna be a doggy daddy!! —I’m having palpitations.”
S02E16 Original Song / S05E20 The Untitled Rachel Berry Project