I am quite unfamiliar with the term "gaslight(er)" (English isn't my first language). I know it's a form of manipulation and I don't really understand how it applies to Remus. I know he's messed up, lies, sugarcoat many things and is dismissive towards Severus, so where was the gaslight? Would you mind explain me please? 🕊
Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as making someone question their own reality. The term may also be used to describe a person who presents a false narrative to another group or person which leads them to doubt their perceptions and become misled, disoriented or distressed.
Gaslighting can be a very effective tool for an abuser to control a person. It is done slowly so the victim writes off the event as a one off or oddity and doesn't realise they are being manipulated.
Remus fits into that. Remus calls Severus by his first name despite Severus obviously not being comfortable with that level of familiarity, he acts like they are friendly, he never apologies despite acting apologetic, and he lies and twists what happened to Harry.
Honestly, as a bully and abuse victim, I’d rather Black’s treatment than Remus’s. Why? Because Remus is gaslighting. It makes Severus—the victim—feel ridiculous for being resentful and it presents his bully as a kind person who’s willing to put the history aside (in contrast to your rightful bitterness and anger).
At least Black was direct and had the balls to hate Severus openly. Black is direct, and Harry very clearly sees the problem. Remus, however, is a manipulator that acts in sneaky, indirect ways. You cannot protest, and you are the one perceived as the bitter, hysterical bully, and your harasser as the victim (but both of you know it’s the opposite). Nobody will believe you even if you say so and the only thing you can do is bear with it.
Remus claims that Severus was jealous of James’s talent on the Quidditch pitch even though Severus canonically does not give a single shit about Quidditch. He claims that Severus’s hatred of the Marauders is a schoolboy grudge, much like the fandom does. He humiliates and harasses Severus (Boggart incident), he never acknowledges Severus’s trauma or the seriousness of what was done to him, tries to present it as a “rivalry” of some sort, and he also calls Severus a fool (what a smart move).
He puts a lot of effort into burnishing his and his friends’ image by justifying bullying with “he fought back”, “he was jealous”, “he (James) was only 15”, and “it was a mutual hate and those are things that happen” rather than admitting that what they did was terrible.
Remus is a bully as an adult, while he does not bully children as Severus did, he still found it amusing to publicly and sexually humiliate Sev, and at the age of 33 he called what 16 year old Sirius Black did to Severus when they were teenagers “a joke” despite the fact that Severus was very clearly traumatised by the trick Sirius played on him. When Harry asked him and Sirius about SWM Remus kept on victim-blaming Severus, and tried to justify their bullying by saying that they were just popular boys when they did it.
Hope I explained it well. Good day to you.