Im Here But Not Quite Queer

[ragingcanadianasexual]

Do you think me a dishmaiden?

Leaving upon the counters and the hearth the remanents of meals in the form of mess upon our earthen wares.

A gallery of neglect personified by your slothly habits upon our sink.

I am not your dishmaiden, I am not even your maiden yet you leave me labour in excess within our shared spaces.

Be greatful that thine true maiden lies elsewhere lest she be horrified by the sight of your betrayal

Dish maiden? I think not, I have as much a claim to this hovel as you, yet my dishes are always polished and your work seemingly never started.

If I am not your dishmaiden, then for whome do these dishes wait? Surely not you?

You who have rested these past weeks with no thoughts of work? Who has barely set sight upon the dishless cupboard?

Even if I were a dishmaiden, I would not be yours, you who leaves spoiled food in the pantry in containers who have not seen light since the earliest signs of last autumn.

You have neither the coin nor the competence for a dishmaiden, so I do what I must, and leave the monuments to your incompetence where they lay.

I am not your dishmaiden, do not think of me that way.

[ragingcanadianasexual]

At this point, Buckley's should just release their cough syrup in a flask, cuz everyone I know just downs it like cowboys with whiskey in the old west

[ragingcanadianasexual]

I like to think that some superheroes fly into glass windows like birds do

[ragingcanadianasexual]

I've been using the phrase "I don't control the rate at which lobsters die" (from drake and josh) in regular conversation to mean that the person I'm talking to is expecting more of my abilities than I am capable, or looking for an answer I can't possibly know

For example

Person: why did my phone die

Me: I don't know, I don't control the rate at which lobsters die

Or

Person: I need you to do this thing that you don't know how to do

Me: I don't control the rate at which lobsters die

[ragingcanadianasexual]

What if mythical creatures known for being beautiful remained in a state that was considered beautiful at the time of their birth, mermaids from ancient Greece with high foreheads and hair in ancient knots and mormo from the victorian era with extravagant hair and biblically inaccurate angels with perms and leg warmers.

[ragingcanadianasexual]

*breaks into your house and puts a little hat on your roomba*

*dissapears in small puff of smoke*

[ragingcanadianasexual]

Was no one going to tell me that pikachu got arrested, I swear your childhood hero’s always let you down

[ragingcanadianasexual]

If you spend all your time helping others tend to their crops, you will be left with a field that is unworkable and a table that is empty

[ragingcanadianasexual]

In the cars universe, almost every creature is a vertibrate except for blimps

[ragingcanadianasexual]

I want to eat one of those natural loofas, I like the idea of the crunch

[ragingcanadianasexual]

Medical professionals: this foot injury requires rest, ice and elevation

Me: runs around at work, does not take breaks, has not and will not ice my foot

Also me: why does my foot still hurt? Why has it not healed?

[ragingcanadianasexual]

American women: can we get some women’s rights?

American government: no we have women’s rights at home

The women’s rights at home:

[ragingcanadianasexual]

The little mermaid was probably really good at the dance move ‘the worm’.

[ragingcanadianasexual]

alternate fairy tale ending

in fairy tales where a princess needs an act of true love to break a curse, instead of true love being a love interest or a parental bond, its the love she has for the people of the kingdom and their love for her. the act can be something like them leaving flowers where she sleeps, holding a vigil, amassing an army and fighting off the evil, etc. 

[ragingcanadianasexual]

If sprigatitos evolution has two legs then quaxly has to have four legs in its evolution

[ragingcanadianasexual]

This may be a controversial opinion but I absolutely love legends arceus, it’s honestly to find a Pokémon game that breaks the whole ‘gym challenge’ model and encourages exploration and investigates the early relationship between humans with other humans and humans with pokemon. I get that people were expecting better graphics or something but my main problem is that I need more pokemon and item storage spaces, and even that is manageable.

[ragingcanadianasexual]

I’m gonna go to the ROM and I’m gonna eat all those tumbles rocks that they keep in their gift shop