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You ever re-listen to a podcast and an idea for a missing scene pops into your head, and for some reason the only way your brain will let you write is to write it literally like it is part of the podcast?
I got to end of Stolen Century in my TAZ Balance re-listen and was thinking about how absolutely pissed Davenport would be at Barry and Lup for not telling the others about their lich plan, and when I started noodling the scene the only way the narration would get out of my head was in transcript form, complete with the boys interrupting Griffin as he tries to tell the story.
Anyway, please enjoy this scene of Davenport yelling at Lup and Barry for not telling their family they were going to become liches, heck.
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Griffin: So, it’s the next cycle, cycle 83. And you’ve all reformed into your recorded states, the same positions and physical forms you always return to.
And Lup’s back in her body. She and Barry both look totally normal, just like they always do. And Taako, I think that’s probably a relief, to you? Like, maybe you weren’t sure how the lich thing would affect the reset?
Justin: Absolutely.
Griffin: So, it’s a new cycle, you’re coming into a new planar system. And Davenport brings you down into this next world, and he’s—he’s absolutely silent. Like the rest of you are I think like, pretty jazzed about what you just saw Lup do to the Hunger. Like she said, blowing it up didn’t fully work but it was the most—the most damage I think you’ve done to the Hunger, maybe ever.
Travis: Yeah, Magnus goes over to Lup and is like,
Magnus: That was the coolest shit I’ve ever seen.
Lup: Hey thanks, Magnus. It was pretty baller, if I do say so myself.
Griffin: And you’re all congratulating Lup and talking about how this will change things, you’re all excited—except Davenport. He’s just flying the ship, keeping his eyes straight ahead. And then as soon as he’s brought you down into the prime material plane of this new world, he turns around and says,
Davenport: Lucretia, take the helm. Lup. Barry. Lounge, now.
Travis: Uh-oh.
Griffin: And the tone of the room instantly shifts, as you realize that Davenport is like…really angry.
You’ve all been together a long time, but you can count on one hand—well, it’s been 80 years, so maybe two—you can easily count the number of times you’ve seen Davenport truly angry at one of the seven of you.
Usually, if he’s had to do the captain thing and reprimand you, it’s been a little more toned down—
Clint: “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
Griffin: Exactly. But this is—Davenport is pissed. And Lup and Barry realize it too, pretty immediately, and they go to the lounge without any protest. And Lucretia takes over the controls from Davenport and puts you in a holding pattern as he goes into the lounge.
Do you guys go after them? Or like, eavesdrop, or whatever?
Justin: Oh, eavesdropping for sure.
Travis: One hundred percent.
Justin: Taako is—he’s always here for the drama. And he’s relieved Lup’s okay, so he’s definitely gonna like, give her shit now. As she passes by he’s like,
Taako: (sing-song) Oh, you’re in trouble…
Clint: Merle does that trick where he puts a glass against the door so he can hear.
Griffin: Well, Davenport leaves the door open, so you don’t have to—you can hear pretty easily.
Clint: Oh, okay.
Griffin: So you sort of follow behind Davenport—not into the lounge with them, but close enough to hear. And you hear Davenport say,
Davenport: What the hell was that?
Griffin: And Lup says,
Lup: Uh, I mean. That was me blasting the fuck out of the Hunger. It was pretty incredible. Did you see how that whole column just vaporized?
Davenport: Yeah, I did see it. I also saw before that, when you jumped off the ship and turned into a crackling red specter. What the hell was that? That was some—some lich shit.
Griffin: And Lup says,
Lup: Well…yeah.
Griffin: And Davenport is just, like flabbergasted.
Davenport: Are you serious? You and Barry are liches now?
Griffin: You can’t see them but Barry must make a face because then Davenport says,
Davenport: Don’t look at me like that, Bluejeans, I know that there’s no way one of you would have done something like this without the other. What were you thinking? Do you know how risky that is?
Barry: Of course we knew the risks. We researched the hell out of it, we took every precaution.
Lup: Yeah, we weren’t like, stupid about it.
Davenport: I’m sure you weren’t, which is why you’re here right now. But you didn’t think to say something before you did this?
Griffin: And Lup is getting a little frustrated. She says,
Lup: We don’t need to ask your permission.
Davenport: I’m not talking about asking permission! Gods know, Lup, after eighty years I know that I can’t stop you from doing anything you really want to do. I’m talking about the risk, to all of us.
Griffin: Lup seems even more frustrated, she’s maybe even getting a little angry.
Lup: It was our souls, Dav. It was our risk to take.
Griffin: That—that seems to really piss Davenport off, because he kind of starts yelling. Which is rare.
Davenport: It was not just your risk to take! Did you think of what might happen to the rest of us if something went wrong? Did you think about what it would do to us if we lost one of you—or both of you—in a way you couldn’t come back from?
You took a risk for yourselves, but you also took that risk for all of us. Our escapes have been so narrow for so long—who’s to say how it would work if there were even one fewer of us?
You put your crew and this entire mission in danger. And what’s more, you risked us losing you both. Permanently!
Griffin: And Davenport takes a deep breath and sort of, calms himself down a little bit, and then he says,
Davenport: You could have died for good. We could have lost you both for good. And you didn’t even have the courtesy to let us know that it could happen.
Griffin: There’s a moment of silence after that. Like Barry and Lup are a little—maybe a little struck by what Davenport just said. Like maybe they hadn’t quite thought of it that way. And Davenport finally says,
Davenport: Did you tell Taako, at least?
Lup: Of course. He’s—he helped anchor me. I would never do something like this without him.
Griffin: And Davenport kind of sighs, and says,
Davenport: Good. At least you’re not a total idiot.
Taako: Debatable.
Lup: Yeah, it really depends on the day, and who you ask.
Justin: Wait, I’m not in the room, she can’t hear me.
Griffin: No, no, you’re just so much on the same wavelength, it’s like she knew you said it even if she didn’t hear you.
Justin: Hell yeah.
Griffin: There’s another pause, and then Barry says,
Barry: We’re sorry, Dav. You’re right, we should have told you all. It’s a big decision, it—it changes a lot. Mostly in a good way I think, but uh. Still.
Lup: We kind of thought that you would try to talk us out of it, if we told you.
Griffin: Davenport sighs.
Davenport: I probably would have. But like I said, I don’t think you would have let that stop you.
Lup: (laughing) Probably not.
Griffin: And you can’t see Davenport, but you just know that he’s like, pinching the bridge of his nose right now. Like, the two of them make him so tired sometimes. And then he says,
Davenport: Okay, then. What does this, uh, change for you two? What do I need to know?
Griffin: And Barry and Lup start to go into the particulars of—the advantages, mostly, of them being liches now. Barry emphasizes that they’ll still stick around even if they die,
Barry: Which is a great fail-safe for leaving the plane - we won’t be stuck in a Judges situation again. Even if we bite it, one of us should still be able to fly us out of here.
Griffin: And Davenport is quiet for a second, and then he says,
Davenport: Are liches—are you corporeal? Can you still move the controls, and everything?
Barry: Uhhh.
Lup: Um…
[Travis laughs]
Barry: You know…I think so? I can’t say we really, uh, tested that part yet.
Lup: Yeah, it’s—it’s still in development.
Griffin: Davenport kind of sighs again, and then he says,
Davenport: And this is why it’s good to run this sort of thing by your crew, who are all just as smart as you, before you go pulling a stunt like this.
Lup: Well. Fair point.
Barry: Uh, yeah. Didn’t, uh. Didn’t think that one fully through, I guess.
Griffin: Davenport kind of chuckles, a little bit. Then he calls out through the open door of the lounge,
Davenport: Show’s over!
Travis: Aw, dip.
Griffin: Do you guys try to like, run away or act casual or anything?
Travis: Magnus starts trying to like, inch back away from the door.
Clint: Merle steps away and starts whistling.
Griffin: Good.
Justin: Taako doesn’t move an inch. He’s a nosy bitch and he doesn’t care who knows it.
[Laughter]
Davenport: Come on. Let’s go see what this new world has in store for us, huh?
Griffin: And the three of them come out of the lounge, and Davenport gives you all a—a kind of wry look. And Lup and Barry both look a little sheepish. Like I think they know that there are some apologies ahead.
And you all head back to the bridge, to see what this new cycle has in store.
god fucking damn i forgot just how natural and impactful merle and john hunger’s parley conversations are. like genuinely i don’t think any full-on conversations in the podcast compare. clint waited 62 episodes and then just dropped some of the best roleplaying in the series out of the fucking blue. absolutely incredible
here's the full set of grand relic emotes I made for the @taz-balance-zine! the zine's out, and it's free- check it out here, it comes with still versions of these emotes + these gifs properly resized to work on discord!
edit: adding an image ID courtesy of @anistarrose! slightly edited by me, but largely thanks to her!
[ID: animations of each Grand Relic from The Adventure Zone.
the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, conjuring a fire which turns to black glass,
the Oculus, with an eye appearing in the monocle's reflective lens,
the Gaia Sash, with vines appearing behind it and flowers blooming on the belt,
the Philosopher's Stone, a simple rock that transforms through a series of different colored materials,
the Temporal Chalice, creating a bubble around it and an hourglass that cannot progress time in front of it until it pops,
the Animus Bell, shadowy magic flows behind it until the Bell rings and banishes it,
the Bulwark Staff, bringing together light and conjuring a shield.
The Voidfish & Magnus - been wanting to do some TAZ fanart and felt like noodling around on a painting last night before bed. Voidfish is perfect for noodling. His arms are like spaghetti.
[ID: art of the Voidfish from The Adventure Zone, floating in a giant tank and glowing blue. Magnus stands in front, holding up a hand to the tank, and the Voidfish reacts by lifting up a tentacle to the other side of the glass. End ID.]
gosh the first TTAZZ in which Griffin hammers that Barry Bluejeans is dead is such a treat. Like the question was “will he ever come back” and he completely circumvents it by saying “he’s dead. His soul has left his body.” Fucking evil mastermind
i'm actually never gonna stop thinking about the scene when taako tells his friends that he trusts absolutely nothing and no one in this world, no exceptions, and then one (1!!!!!!!) episode later tells angus mcdonald that he trusts him implicitly and completely
Relistened to Balance recently! (during the part where Griffin says “this is it!”, I looked up in the sky, which was perfectly blue, and spotted the moon; it felt like actual magic)
i think one of the things that makes lup such an iconic character despite not having much screen time is how Griffin manages the timing in subverting your expectations. Like he gives justin a few episodes of breathing room to get used to saying “Lup and I do this” (essentially conditioning him and the audience to perceive Taako and Lup as one character in two bodies) and then when it comes to a high stakes emotional situation he has Lup stand against the entire rest of her team including Taako. Justin tries in that scene to say “Lup and I do this” and Griffin takes the reins from him to say “Lup doesn’t do that. It’s antithetical to her character.”
And then we get another moment that tries to rein them back in as one player unit where Taako calls her “Lulu” and Griffin (as Lup) quickly and humorously shuts that down.
She’s Lup, not Lulu. Her personhood is not bound to or dictated by Taako, or even her team. She won’t stand by and watch a world burn, even while her brother roils in apathy. She will beg him to reconsider but she will not bow her morals to him. The player and the viewer don’t make her decisions. She is part of Taako—her first few episodes teach us to see them as one entity— but she is not beholden to him.
Relistening to Stolen Century and am still so in love and obsessed with how immediately Justin is enamored with Lup. He finds out Taako has a sister and he's so intensely in love with the idea of her. Griffin drops her first line of "Nerd Alert!" and Taako is on the floor laughing- Justin sees the vision and he knows the vision and he's IN IT. HE LOVES HER. TAAKO LOVES HER. AUGH.
Griffin knew exactly how to play it, and Justin was on board before Griffin could even say jump. Its just insanely beautiful the way Justin latches onto it, because Yeah. Because Yeah, if Taako had a sister he'd be obsessed with her. They'd be obsessed with each other. A perfect duo that doesn't always agree but who bring the same energy to the table. Lup is the perfect accent to Taako. They balance each other. They're the Twins. And he loves her so so so much.
houghhhhhh tres horny boys all being so lost and adrift in life after their supposed happy endings (that they didn't even know were supposed to be hand-crafted happy endings for heroism they didn't remember) all collapsed beneath them, leaving each of them wandering on their own for years with no community or stability until. they all found each other. and they didn't even know they were finding each other again, but they FOUND each other, and got to be a fucking family again... tres horny boys i will never be over you
i’m relistening to taz balance again (because i’m in a pit of despair again, whatever) and anyway observations are that:
griffin is an absolutely phenomenal DM and the story is just so so so so good, even when you know what’s happening
it kinda becomes almost better when you do know what’s happening cuz you’re just in awe like ‘how is there this much foreshadowing in a dnd podcast where 3/4 characters had no idea what’s happening’
griffin inventing a reason for why elevators exist in-fiction out of spite, thereby also inventing the reason for why all the random references the boys make actually make sense in-fiction is powerful
the music…….
mostly this is just about admiring griffin and how i wanna craft a story like this too one day but i do wanna say that i forgot about ‘hey thug what’s your name im about to tentacle your dick’ as the first thing a character says to their future love interest and it took me out so so bad
The Adventure Zone: Balance is so weird bcus how do I explain to normal people that one of the most impactful medias to me that I've consumed in the last 10 years for me is a DnD podcast where one of the main characters is an elf twink named 'taco' and the first enemy they face is named Magic Brian, who is also an elf twink with a spider companion named Bryan???
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