Soooo uhmmm... Hi?
First of all, I know there have been people trying to reach me over the past year and to all those I want to say: I'm really sorry for not responding when you reached out to me. It is not excusable in any way, but I want you to know that it wasn't out of malice or because I just didn't care enough. It is not an over-exaggeration when I say that all of you weighed on my mind and regularly showed up in my thoughts because you were such an important part of my life when I needed you most, which makes the way I handled everything even worse.
For the sake of transparency: I have been severely depressed since the beginning of last year, it's kind of hard to pin down exactly when it took a turn for the worse. I had phases where I thought it wasn't too bad, especially in the beginning but also throughout summer. In the fall, I went to study abroad for a couple months, which made everything even more stressful and hectic. Then the anxiety crept in and the thought of opening my Tumblr or Discord would almost send me into a panic attack because I knew I had let people down and I just couldn't handle it.
I stopped writing for the most part, which really really sucked because I thought I had gotten to a good place 2021, but alas, I just couldn't. I'm only now slowly picking up the metaphorical pen again, which I'm happy about. But I missed Tumblr, I missed my Fandoms, I missed my friends and Fandom-friends, and I just need to do something to get out of this shitty hole.
I want to start reblogging again, and commenting and messaging people that live all over the world, but I just couldn't do it without giving you a heads-up because that's the least I could do.
I know this is probably not enough to make amends and I don't expect it to be, but I want you to know, again, that my love goes out to all of you who have reached out, who have shared moments of their time with me, because I am grateful for that.
I can't promise that I won't just fall off the face of the earth again, because mental illnesses are kinda unpredictable--at least for me, still--but I will try to handle things differently from now on.
(I still haven't opened my Discord and it will probably still take a while until I do it, but I will do it at some point.)
I am very open about my mental illness and the way it has impacted my life and the people around me, so if anyone is interested or wants to share their own experiences or literally anything else, don't hesitate!
Thank you, and I'm sorry.
Love, Rain
