Welcome To My Escape

Welcome to my escape. I have different personas. I will mainly go by Momo, Mitch, or Sky. This is my artistic blog, you'll have to ask off of anon for my personal. Everything here is my original writing unless stated otherwise. You may be familiar with my original account. Basics: 24. Genderqueer. Gay. He/Him/His. Khmer. Pride. I have a passion to write and draw. A tad bit insane.

[raininn--inkdropss]

How many times must I destroy myself

before I can truly identify as myself. 

I have burned like the flames of a Phoenix,

rebirthed as a new me.

Yet at every end of the cycle,

I feel nothing like myself.

Who am I truly

if not me. 

[raininn--inkdropss]

Dear future wife,

I don’t know how to cook, So instead I’ll make you morning coffee, And evening tea. Or whichever you want. I know I’m messy, So I’ll leave sticky notes For you to find When you are picking up after me. I’ll leave them inside books, That you were planning to read, But I got to them first. I’ll apologize for my insomnia, Whenever I’m up past 2, I’ll write you a poem About all the things I love about you. The good thing about me, Is that I don’t ever forget dates. Well that could be a bad thing too: I’ll remember when we first met, When we first started to go out, When we went to our first date, When we had our first kiss, When I asked you to be mine forever, When I saw you in a beautiful white dress. I’ll remember it all, I’ll never forget. I’ll let you wear my clothes, And although I can’t wear yours, I’ll go shopping with you And carry everything, Then compliment on how beautiful you are. I can do all the yardwork, That’s no biggie. But if you need help with housework, I guess I can do some chores. Join me in my spontaneous adventures, And I promise I’ll join in yours. I love you, To the farthest star and back.

[raininn--inkdropss]

The moment I laid eyes on you,  I felt nothing. Nothing at all. But a year later, out of the blue, I felt a spark between us. It was then I knew, that you were going to be bad for me. And what happened after

couldn’t be any more true.

[raininn--inkdropss]

Ocean waves, I haven’t visited these shores in years And yet I found myself in your presence again. I don’t think about you much anymore But when I saw you today, I was drawn back to the day I said goodbye. Leaving you in the dark without an explanation why.

Did you see me today Or did you choose to ignore me To shield whatever feelings you had left of me. Do you hate me? Did I hurt you?

I can still remember that look in your eyes. I never wanted to hurt you, But I never loved you The way you loved me.

[raininn--inkdropss]

My weakness is...

My weakness is the beating organ in my chest, Because it makes me love too fast and too hard.  When it cradles downward from hurt and pain, My ribcage turns to ice and shields it Until it can heal enough to try and be brave again. But bravery in my story is the same as foolishness Because I am the fool that will try loving again. Loving blindly, loving all the wrong people,  Loving until I am broken once again.

Still, I choose love.

[raininn--inkdropss]

You were yellow, She was pink. You transformed to orange As you mixed with her. He was blue, And suddenly pink Turned into green. And you could not recognize her color anymore.

You were orange when I met you, I was red.  I know you still yearn for the color pink. Just as I yearned for the color purple. But can I offer you this:

Let me take the red from you, So you can return to yellow. Orange suits you, But you wanted to be yellow more.

[raininn--inkdropss]

Tell me stranger, Without exchanging words, What do you know about me? I only drink hot coffee, Even during hot summer days. Do the colors I wear Show you how proud I am. I seem to always be glued onto a screen. On days I don’t, I am writing or drawing.  I always have headphones in And tap my foot to the sound Of the world dancing inside of me. I wear t-shirts in the middle of winter And beanies in the middle of summer.  I always play with the gold hanging on my neck, My favorite color must be red Because I usually only wear black.

[raininn--inkdropss]

You loved me but you didn’t love me enough. We could have been something more, but I guess the universe didn’t plan it that way. I thought you could have been the one even when others doubted you. Now everyone loves you but I loved you first. But I guess I didn’t love you enough either.

[raininn--inkdropss]

There's something dead and cold on my fingertips. Something lost finding its way back. I feel a flicker in my soul, another fire ignited. I know I have something to live for, but passing time was hard. Will time go by faster, if I fall in love with writing again. Will time go by faster, if I fall in love with art again. Will I fall into darkness again, if I start writing about you. Will I fall into sadness again, if I start painting about you. 

She who taught me pain. She who taught me patience. 

[raininn--inkdropss]

Ladybug, Ladybug body so cold and still, your spirit has gone away.

Ladybug, Ladybug fluttering close to light, you’ve found your way.

Ladybug, Ladybug are you giving me a sign, years have already gone by.

Ladybug, Ladybug do you still think about us or do you wonder why.

Ladybug, Ladybug you’ve come to haunt me, both dead and alive.

Ladybug, Ladybug I’m sorry we couldn’t be, at least we gain the strength to

survive.

[raininn--inkdropss]

I’m trapped in a storm, with my head barely above the water.  I’m trying not to drown but I can’t swim. The wind is rushing past me, leaving me behind. 

I am struggling.

But I am holding on. Because the eye of the storm is drawing near and even though it is small, I will have a chance to breathe air. When stillness come, I will rest.  Before I fight my way, through another storm. 

[raininn--inkdropss]

Where do I go from here? I do not know where I want to be, all I know is that I’m not meant to stay here.

Where do I go from here? You would think that after all these years, I’d have some idea.

I am lost, stuck in this routine. Where. Where do I go from here.

[raininn--inkdropss]

You never planned on falling for me like how I fell for you. I knew that from the very beginning, yet you can’t tell your heart when to not fall in love. I can’t take back all the memories we had together, but I sure as hell don’t want to keep reliving them in my head or my dreams. But I don’t have the option to stop that either. I only have the strength to move on. Moving on doesn’t mean to stop loving you, moving on is not giving you another chance,  moving on is surrounding myself with positivity, moving on is reminding myself that I will be okay without you. I can’t control the future, but I don’t plan on falling for you ever again.

[raininn--inkdropss]

I told you to not love me, to not fall for me. You can do better. You deserve the best and I wasn't right for you at the time. So I forced you to leave me without giving you a chance. You could have been good for me, but I was far from good for you. I see you looking at me, wishing that I would have given you a chance.

[raininn--inkdropss]

And I remember the first girl I fell in love with. She was beautiful, radiant like a star in the center of her own universe. Her own light, her own hope. The brightest thing I've ever seen. She was gorgeous, someone I never wanted to let go. But she shone a different light from me. And my light would never reach her where she needed most.

[raininn--inkdropss]

What I shouldn’t have said...

"What more do you want from me.”

I tried to fight the tears, tried to fight my tongue, tried to keep myself composed. Because I always say things I don’t mean, because I blurt things out without thinking. I know you care, I know you don’t want to hurt me so believe me when I say I never wanted to hurt you either.

“Fine then, I’ll leave you alone. I won’t feel guilty, I won’t regret this,

unlike you.”

That’s not what I meant, I didn’t want you to walk away, I didn’t want you to turn your back to me. I just wanted you to understand me, to see things from my point of view.

Mom please, don’t leave me. I never wanted to push you out of my life, but I need you to understand that I can’t change who I am or how I feel. I don’t want to lose you.

[raininn--inkdropss]

Have we met before? Because this feels all to familiar. The way you look into my eyes, feels as if you’ve loved me for a lifetime. But I’m certain I’ve fallen in love with you every lifetime before this. We’re perfect for each other, we’re meant to be. So why is it in this lifetime, we chose to fall for others.