Lost pets, found. Lost pets, unfound.

A secret lost pet city on the moon.

[rallyonward]

Hey guys -- I’m shutting down this tumblr and heading back from whence I came: @triflesandparsnips. You’ll see pretty much the same stuff there, plus a lot more fic. Also, more me talking and such.

See you on the other side.

[pastelgarfield-deactivated20160]

- don’t rp real people

- don’t headcanon about real people

- don’t ship real people

- honestly don’t fucking treat real people like fictional characters these are real fucking people holy shit

[wintrymix]

You hear that, Lin-Manuel Miranda?? You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve. 

[honey-vampire]

If Alexander Hamilton was a bag of potato chips, what flavor potato chips would he be?

Hmm maybe barbecue?

[wholivesdiestellsyourstory]

Yeah…he really gets roasted by Angelica in The Reynolds Pamphlet 

I think Aaron Burr would be original flavor. Because he is inimitable. He is an original. :)

[lovethefutureisthine]

Most of the time a.ham is SALTY tho

[wholivesdiestellsyourstory]

Okay everyone. Here is the NEW, OFFICIAL list

(I organized it by Ham, Vice Prez, and Prez at the time of Ham’s death / The Schuyler Sisters / The Squad)

[shersmol-deactivated20161130]

This is official ppl someone tag Lin xD

[honey-vampire]

@linmanuel do you agree with this list?

[lemongrassxsleep]

why the fuck is this so accurate

[rallyonward]

holy shit that link is an entire hour worth of Angelica's part of The Reynold's Pamphlet. it's been fifteen minutes and I'm still listening to her make that lemonade

[ramonameisel]

name one hero who was happy

(your lip splits when you open your mouth) (there’s greed dripping out of the crack) (it tastes of salvation)

name one hero who was happy

(is your tongue heavy?) (do you taste blood?)

name one hero who was happy

(when did you stop being mortal?)

name one hero who was happy

(was it ever about happiness?)

some people are born with tragedy in their blood | r.m

[lost-plots-ds9-voy-ent]

After many years of traveling through the Delta Quadrant Janeway finally gives up reinforcing Starfleet Uniform standard. Now everyone on the ship goes about their usual business but in different outfits. Janeway gives orders in her sparkly white tuxedo while Tom Paris applies coordinates in an old fashion aviator jacket and goggles. B'Elanna figures out complex space-time equations while lounging in her pajamas all day in engineering. Seven of Nine discovers the fashionable comfort of a simple tank top with jeans. Chakotay decides to get in touch with nature and goes around the ship completely naked. The doctor now free of appearance standards gives up representing the typical humanoid form in favor of abstraction and edits his program so he’s nothing but a floating disembodied talking head. Only Tuvok and Neelix remain the same as the ship plummets further into unrestrained madness.

[bleed-in-ink-deactivated2017052]

Constantly torn between “if I show symptoms I’m real and valid” and “I can’t show any symptoms because then I’ll be a bother so I have to internalize everything.”

[sothatstherealnews]

Dont forget “if I can control my symptoms are they still valid”

[sarcasticsabreur]

And “if I show symptoms I’m manipulating the people around me”

[spicypansexual]

Also “if I don’t show symptoms at any given moment I’m lying about having a mental illness and everything is an overreaction”

[missmentelle]

At age 23, Tina Fey was working at a YMCA. At age 23, Oprah was fired from her first reporting job.  At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer. 

At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.   At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.

At age 28, Wayne Coyne ( from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook. At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.  At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker.  At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs. Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51. Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didn’t get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40. Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40. Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42. Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first movie role until he was 46.

Morgan Freeman landed his first movie role at age 52. Kathryn Bigelow only reached international success when she made The Hurt Locker at age 57. Grandma Moses didn’t begin her painting career until age 76. Louise Bourgeois didn’t become a famous artist until she was 78. Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t found fame and fortune by the age of 21. Hell, it’s okay if you don’t even know what your dream is yet. Even if you’re flipping burgers, waiting tables or answering phones today, you never know where you’ll end up tomorrow. Never tell yourself you’re too old to make it. 

Never tell yourself you missed your chance. 

Never tell yourself that you aren’t good enough. 

You can do it. Whatever it is. 

[skellydun]

rip santa.

[totallytrailbreaker]

Working in Retail in under 3 minutes

[deafslut]

i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb

[lilsnoozyvert]

transcript: “So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more. So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects? And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is. So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening? So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.”

[megasaxxygoddess]

@capnbloo

[coryaintshit]

Crying

[persephonesecretlair]

I still love this video

[victorpopejr]

Used Car salesmen be ready to overlook anything

[captioned-miscellaneous-videos]

Salesman: [frantically] “Good credit!? Bad credit!? No credit!? No problem! Are you dead?! Fuck it! Ghost credit!”

Ghost: “I’m gonna get a Subaru!”

[thechronicleofshe]

this is probably the funniest guy I have ever seen

[andhumanslovedstories]

Finn’s sexual awakening took place while he lived a crowded barracks amidst like a hundred other people, and Rey’s sexual awakening took place while she lived in an abandoned AT-AT miles away from anyone else, so Finn’s approach to masturbation is like “be still, be quiet, pretend you are still asleep and nothing is happening under this blanket, what could possibly be happening under this blanket? nothing because I’m asleep,” and Rey’s is like “time for screaming, it is scream time” 

Which means they first time they combine their mutual sexual experience, it just stops halfway through so they can both be like, “UMMM SO I’M HAVING A GREAT TIME BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING”

[bebeocho]

#rey: ‘are you…..enjoying this?’ #finn: ‘this is literally the greatest moment of my life’ #rey: ‘then why are you being so silent?’ #finn: ‘the real question is WHY ARE YOU YELLING THERE’S SO MUCH YELLING’ #and poe from the next room over is like ‘finn has a point there sure is a lot of yelling happening at two in the morning’

[tjmystic]

So, when I was doing my thesis on whether or not fanfiction should be considered a legitimate genre of literature, my advising professor asked me for examples.  I gave him the generic ones, of course - “Pride & Prejudice and Zombies” is a horror fanfic of “Pride & Prejudice”, “50 Shades of Grey” is an erotica fic of “Twilight" - and that seemed to make him understand what fanfiction is, but not how it’s useful.  So I thought about it, and, after about a minute, I said, “Paradise Lost is basically a fanfiction of the Book of Genesis.  And The Divine Comedy is an epic self-insertion fic for Catholic doctrine.  So, basically, you were teaching us fanfiction last semester.”  I had never before seen a grown man’s eyes widen with such fear, incomprehension, disgust, awe, and understanding.

[evanss-chris]

PROFILESSSSS

[faatifeels]

[meaninglessmonicker]

‘Jesus’ comes from a shortening of the Hebrew version of the name Joshua, while ‘Christ’ simply means ‘the anointed one.’ To make this clearer to modern Christians, I propose a new Bible translation where Jesus is referred to only as “oily Josh”

[theslaybymic]

Note to all bars: This is how you do it. An English pub named Brickyard is going viral thanks to this sign hanging in its women’s restroom. And they already have plans to make the place even safer. 

Follow @this-is-life-actually

[rallyonward]

Terrible headcanons:

It is widely theorized on the internet that all of the Avengers have, one way or another, seen Hamilton.

Steve? It’s a musical about American history. Clearly, he must have seen it; he was probably in disguise, sitting as one with the common people, and then surreptitiously meeting the cast afterward. It’s just a matter of time before pics appear to prove it.

Tony? Not at all in disguise. In fact, he probably bought out a whole theatre for a private showing. Except – wouldn’t they have heard about that? So he must have done like the president, and brought all the actors to him. A show in the penthouse of Avengers Tower – it’s going to be amazing when (if) they finally release the footage on youtube.

(Bruce, it should be noted, is not speculated about. Though if any of the internet really knew of his existence, they’d assume that he was part of the general Tower audience.)

(It is assumed that the Hulk has not seen Hamilton; he’s probably heard his teammates singing pieces from it, though, and so there’s a very particular, very focused corner of fandom looking for line references every time the Hulk verbalizes. There’s a website that lists the number of days they’ve been waiting. Gifsets have been prepared for the happy occasion.)

Now, Natasha – she clearly must have seen it. If you’re thinking like an ex-KGB Russian spy (which naturally fans are happy to attempt), Hamilton can probably be very loosely described as an American political thriller. That, and it’s popular. Natasha Romanoff probably attended as a rigged lottery-winner, blonde with bad makeup and a terrible tendency to mouth along with the words. This is what any number of fans would do if they were she, and therefore, it’s what must have been done.

People jump off of furniture during the course of the production. Having heard more than one tale of Clint’s dumpster adventures, this is considered reason enough for him to bum his way backstage as a nondescript techie.

The internet is full of ideas as to how their hometown superheroes saw the hottest ticket on Broadway.

Unfortunately, none of them are correct.

Except one. 

People mostly think Lin’s kidding when he does a series of tweets about it – that he was playing with his son in the park, and a large, blond man holding a suspicious-as-fuck hammer stopped wandering across the sunny green to flash a smile at Lin. A moment later the guy’d been at his side and kneeling next to Sebastian’s stroller. “Hello, little one,” the man had said, keeping the hammer well away while smiling gently at Lin’s son. “And will you be a skald, then, as your father before you?” His voice had been deep, and accented, and for all that it was soft, it had held the weight of distant thunder. Lin’s kid hadn’t seemed to notice anything particularly metaphorical going on, though. He’d laughed; the big guy joined in. 

A moment later the man had stood and gripped Lin’s wrist in farewell. “We shall speak again, poet,” he’d said, still smiling. And then he’d walked away, swinging the hammer by its lanyard.

(…People on the internet decide that the story’s bullshit. All weather reports from that day say it was raining in the city. Nice try, Lin. Busted.)

[symbolicscreaming]

You know. I bet Bruce heard about Hamilton first, by listening to NPR or something. He didn’t expect to like it, but he couldn’t stop playing it on repeat. From there it went to either Natasha or Pepper, who then spread it to the other one. From there it went through the entire tower.

Thor and Clint do a surprising good rendition of The Farmer Refuted.

They buy tickets to the show like normal people. They pretend that they can’t see people trying to sneakily take pictures of them. Natasha casually ruins every shot of herself. They all love the show in general, and they each appreciate different portions more than others. They all cry during It’s Quiet Uptown, knowing that grief and wanting that forgiveness.

They give a standing ovation.

They sign the wall backstage, and are effusive with their praise. Lin takes selfies with all of them, but doesn’t post most of them on twitter. He does post the one he took with Tony and Steve, because they got to talking about the Puerto Rican debt crisis. There are mutual open ended invitations for whatever the other party wanted to do. Each group is in awe of the other.

They go home. They don’t go again as a big group, but they all each manage to see it again at least one more time.

[detbeckettnypd]

MY SISTER JUST GOT HIT ON BY THE CHEF AT THE RESTAURANT WE’RE AT VIA THE WAITRESS I’M DYING

[detbeckettnypd]

THE WAITRESS GOT MY SISTER’S NUMBER FOR THE CHEF AND THEN PROCEEDED TO GUSH ABOUT HIM TO MY SISTER AND THEN A SECOND WAITRESS DID THE SAME AND THEN THE FIRST ONE TOLD US MY SISTER WASN’T ALLOWED TO ORDER DESSERT BECAUSE IT WAS TAKEN CARE OF AND THEN HE MADE HER A TASTING PLATE OF EVERY DESSERT ON THE MENU AND THEN HE CAME OUT AND HE WAS SO NERVOUS AND IT WAS REALLY SUPER SWEET.

[ishouldnthavebeen-deactivated20]

More men should present dessert plates when trying to hit on a woman.