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your friendly neighborhood schizo | 🏳‍🌈🏳‍⚧ | 22

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two bunnies in love 🩷

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happy hl2vrai day

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i find that listening to music really loudly helps with my auditory hallucinations. i’m typing this post to distract myself from the ones i’m having tonight. is there anything else anyone finds that helps with auditory, or any other kind of hallucinations?

i keep hearing my own voice call out to me. it’s weird and unnerving. i’m tempted to go find it, but it’s dark and i’m scared.

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little life update!!!

bucky barnes i love U 4ever…

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I THINK UR EPIC :-D

aw thank you you’re my first ever ask on tumblr in all the years i’ve had it :) 🩵

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blow my brains out

acrylics on a 10 x 10 piece

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here to say i genuinely hope i get hit by a car ✌️

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been feeling very anxious and depressed lately, more so than usual. i’ve been taking my meds on and off, school as been weighing down on me, and so has work. i’ve got a multitude of other issues i won’t get into here, but it’s just been a lot to deal with, and i can feel the edges of my sanity fraying again. i don’t want to go back to the hospital. i really don’t. i’ve been 4 times and each time was more traumatizing than the last. my medicine works to keep the hallucinations and delusions at bay, but it does not help with my constant thoughts of suicide and self harm. any schizo’s out there have any tips on how to deal with this? i want to be better. i want to be good. i’ve worked so hard to get to where i am now, with a stable job and back in school again working towards my degree; i really don’t want to lose all that progress again.

anything helps! for reference, i do enjoy painting as a hobby, i paint a lot to keep my mind off things. i also try not to isolate myself because that is what really brings me down. reaching out to other helps, but only in that moment.

i hope all my schizo’s out there are doing well. we’re all in this together <3

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i think the thing i hate the most about our current online… i don’t know the right word… community? is how they all talk about schizophrenia. if they disagree with someone, they’re schizo. if they are weird, they’re schizo/psychotic. if someone has any negative quality or trait, they’re schizo. why do we associate schizophrenia with such negativity? obviously, i wouldn’t say schizophrenia is a *good* thing to have, it’s a very difficult mental disorder to have to deal with, but would it then be ok to say that someone is r-tarded because they are weird/different? i think almost everyone would say it’s not okay, so why is it suddenly okay to say someone is “schizo?”

just some food for thought

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i find it curious how many people who don’t experience schizophrenia think we can’t live happy and prosperous lives. sure, it is more difficult, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. because of this stigma, because people believe we will be unhappy forever, people don’t even try to help us. we are left to fend for ourselves. where is the humanity? the empathy for others?

i am living proof that schizophrenics are able to lead happy lives. i have a stable job, a girlfriend whom i love, friends and a supportive family, and i suffer from schizoaffective disorder, among other things. it is the main source of pain in my life, but it has also taught me many important life lessons.

anyway, all that is to say i wish for more understanding and empathy for not just people like me, but for everyone. i’m trying to use tumblr more, i’m not very used to this platform so forgive me, but i will try to be uploading my experiences living with schizoaffective disorder more often. i also upload my art here, so if you were interested in following my public diary i do try and follow back :)

i do request that there be no minors, as i am an adult and it makes me uncomfortable. if you’ve read this far, please check out this WIP of one of my art pieces as thanks from me to you :-)

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being schizophrenic (schizoaffective specifically) is so lonely. no one understands me or what i experience. they all think i’m crazy and i can’t talk about it to anyone, not even my therapist because they’ll think i’m insane. i feel so alone at most times.

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the voices

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leave me alone

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painted my OC Lolly again

acrylics on an 8 x 10 piece

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acrylic painting of my OC, Lolly

my (late) Christmas present to you all <3

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i depend on you

first photo is done by @/sometimes317 on twitter

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🚨NEW OC ALERT🚨

hai tumblr folks it’s been awhile. i watched cat in the hat the other night and was inspired to make a creature who travels through dimensions and whose sole purpose is to have fun so here u go… i couldn’t decide between the two colorings so you get both 😁🙏