RecoveringHaya @recoveringhaya - Tumblr Blog

Small victories are celebrated 🤩🥰💪🏻

I hang out with my friend on Friday and we went to our favourite cafe, usually a black coffee is what I order, cause like, you know... But that day I asked for something called purple petals? and a rose cake... When I made my tea I ADDED two teaspoons of SUGAR, real sugar!

And thats a win💪🏻💚

3/12/2021

#ed recovery #small victories #proud #progress update #menatl health

recoveringhaya

7/10/2021

Giving this another shot💪🏻

recoveringhaya

Why do I not see the consequences of my doings before shit take place💔

10-11/10/2021

#writings #words of mine #consequences

7/10/2021

Giving this another shot💪🏻

#ed recovery #trying again #i got this #positive mental attitude

I KEEP FAILING 🤡💔😪

3/10/2021

#tw ed related #i hate everything

23/9/2021

September is almost gone and I haven't stop relapsing since the second.

Dear God make me stop😔

#tw ed #ed relapse #please make me stop

Relapsed

26/8/2021

........................

My family are going to be the end of me and my will to change.

My family are going to read this one day and think " were we that awful"

My family are the reason things didn't happen and will not happen, ever.

I'm just a mesed human with a messed brain who didn't ask to be here and I wish I can end things but I'm too afraid of what's waiting on the other side and my family are the reason that's stopping me, sometimes; I have mixed feelings towards them, I know I would do everything for them even if it cost me things but at the same time I will hate them for it.

3/9/2021

Friday

#venting #personal text #relapsed #tw #family tw #writings #spilled thoughts #confused

2/8/2021

One "choice" to an annual thing🖋

Today is the annual day of my first attempt to purge two years ago, I remember that day, what I did, why I did it, and how I felt, kinda.

I remember how I felt afterwards, physically and emotionally,

what I told myself and how I said "I'll only do it this one time"

How I lied to myself...

It took a year and so to share my illness with my family and a lot of cries during,

Loads of attempts to help myself and lots of broken promises,

But I kept going and asking for what I saw was key for me to stop

I knew what I needed was outside help and I kept pursuing it

I sought help this year, professional help

I'm thankful and lucky enough to able and have it,

I'm not saying I was "cured" as soon as I did

But it has been two months now since April that I didn't purge and to me,

That's a win.

#personal #tw ed thoughts #thoughts #self written #tw ed mention #victories #still going #mental health #recovering #mental illness things

20/5/2021

What's ED to me?

A question I've been asked today, to which I answered...

I have bulimia but sometimes I feel like I'm just binging, like I can fight the urge to purge it out so I'm kinda unsure of my diagnosis sometimes but once again not feeling sick enough is also being sick, you know? Anyways ED to me is an annoying voice that makes you think you're in control but in reality, it's controlling you; it tells you what to do and what to/not eat, activities, and the list goes on. Basically, a bully in your head that you must face and ignore at the same time if that makes sense and that bully is easily fed or triggered in a sense😅 Idk if I made sense or not, he's just there to annoy you when you're already down and takes advantage of your lows and creaks upon you and you're just trying to go on your day as if you have it all together as if you're "normal".

#ed recovery #mental health #ed asks #thoughts #tw ed #tw eating disorders #personal text

recoveringhaya

Update... Month Of April till May 10th /2021

On April first, I went to see a Psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with Bulimia and some other things ( Depression, Anxiety, OCD, and Borderline Personality Disorder) and prescribed me with three pills that I started to take on April 2nd.

I binged and purged on the same day but I think it was hormonal (I had my period as well so things were all over) but I only binged for real once after that during April.

I didn't purge since then, and it's May 10th now! 🤩🎊

When I went back for my next session, May 2nd, we started working on CBT and I'm currently working on it. One of the pills had some side effects that he then changed into another and prescribed me with something else to counterpart it.

My thoughts about ED are really tuning down these days but I must fight the voices no matter how low they are, even if I sometimes feel I'm okay now.

recoveringhaya

19/5/2021

And I b/p today! 😣😶 i fucking hate what he said, it's his fault! how could a Dr say to a bulimic patient that there's a chance that "this month you might gain weight"... ever since he said that in my last session and I've been thrown off!

#ed relapse #relapse #ugh 😖#mental illness #tw #ed update #persoanl #mental health journal

13/5/2021

It's hard to go on with a bully up your head...

#tw ed #mental illness things #tw #struggeling #but still trying #tw ed thoughts #thoughts #mental health

Update... Month Of April till May 10th /2021

On April first, I went to see a Psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with Bulimia and some other things ( Depression, Anxiety, OCD, and Borderline Personality Disorder) and prescribed me with three pills that I started to take on April 2nd.

I binged and purged on the same day but I think it was hormonal (I had my period as well so things were all over) but I only binged for real once after that during April.

I didn't purge since then, and it's May 10th now! 🤩🎊

When I went back for my next session, May 2nd, we started working on CBT and I'm currently working on it. One of the pills had some side effects that he then changed into another and prescribed me with something else to counterpart it.

My thoughts about ED are really tuning down these days but I must fight the voices no matter how low they are, even if I sometimes feel I'm okay now.