Brief Background: Big Mama kidnaps kids, forces them to fight, they get rescued by their newly-married dads, and will eventually open a pet shop (because Big Mama treated them like animals and they have Trauma and Empathy).
In Order:
Big Mama's Four Little Gems - The young turtles get caught and forced to fight in Big Mama's Battle Nexus.
Recovery Operation (Coming soon! This will explain how they got from "smoll and traumatized" to "hey let's open a pet shop")
Raph Meets April - Hamato Haven is up and running, but the EPF keep bothering them. Raph goes for a midnight fro yo run and meets April O'Neil.
Hamato Haven - A look into a day at the Hamato Haven. Complete with the EPF, fluff, magical animals, and defenestration.
Brief Background: Big Mama kidnaps kids, forces them to fight, they get rescued by their newly-married dads, and will eventually open a pet shop (because Big Mama treated them like animals and they have Trauma and Empathy).
In Order:
Big Mama's Four Little Gems - The young turtles get caught and forced to fight in Big Mama's Battle Nexus.
Recovery Operation (Coming soon! This will explain how they got from "smoll and traumatized" to "hey let's open a pet shop")
Raph Meets April - Hamato Haven is up and running, but the EPF keep bothering them. Raph goes for a midnight fro yo run and meets April O'Neil.
Hamato Haven - A look into a day at the Hamato Haven. Complete with the EPF, fluff, magical animals, and defenestration.
Hello! I am joining @tmntaucompetition for the first time! This is an in-progress AU but there's still a lot to read! *slaps AU* this baby can fit so much fluff and angst in it.
Anyway please vote and check out the rest of the competitors! There are some amazing creators out there!!
Please list AU, which TMNT Iteration, and the platform it’s primarily on, as well as the creator(s). Only AUs not allowed are Empyrean Weepi
Summary: After the EPF visits their pet shop for the first time, Raph wakes up in the middle of the night for a perimeter check. He ends up at a 24-hr frozen yogurt place. He meets April who, correctly, decides he needs cat videos.
Trigger warning for panic/panic attack, PTSD-like symptoms of fixation on a threat, some blood from a nonviolent injury (nongraphic)
Raph couldn’t sleep.
The store was quiet. They’d piled into the breakroom for another Jupiter Jim marathon and turtle-piled on the floor. Raph was lying on his stomach, Mikey curled up on his left arm, Leo and Donnie nestled into his side. The movies were still playing, volume low. The sound of an alien laser fight was nearly drowned out by Donnie’s soft snores. It should have been peaceful.
The EPF had came that day.
The first time they’d met the EPF, they’d nearly been kidnapped. It was like Big Mama all over again but worse. There was no friendly façade. They had been told, very coldly, that they were under arrest for “stealing” feral animals. And then they had targeted Leo.
”You’re not gonna read us our rights?” Leo asked, dodging dart guns.
The lead agent was calm. Far too calm. “Monsters don’t get rights. Just experiments and autopsies.”
His hand drifted to his pocket.
Raph was breathing way too fast. His face was hot. They’d gotten away, they had, it was a long time ago, but today the EPF had visited the shop and nothing had happened but one of the agents moved his hand to his pocket in the exact same way –
He was moving through the storefront before he’d even registered getting up. The animals were mostly quiet, except for the will o’ the wisps. Those floated in their marshy tank, whispering and beckoning. Raph moved past them and out the door without really thinking. His skin felt too tight and he needed to move. He needed to check. Donnie said he’d set up a perimeter scan for the EPF, and their cell phones would ping if an EPF agent so much as unlocked their cell phones inside the perimeter. Raph didn’t know how the scan worked and he needed to check.
He locked the front doors and scaled the building. Then he sprinted across the roof and somersaulted to the next one – a sports warehouse, maybe. He couldn’t remember. Was it cold? Breathing hurt as air whistled through his open beak. He was three roofs away. Two hobos and a few raccoons. No EPFs. He had to check. He had to check.
He used the buildings like the neighborhood was his personal jungle gym, vaulting and scaling and leaping until the pounding in his head was drowned out by the pounding of his heart. He checked half a mile out in every direction before his breathing evened out and his scales stopped itching. He paused on the roof of an arcade. He wasn’t even breathing hard. He took a few deep breaths anyway, rubbing his hands over his face.
“This was stupid,” he muttered to himself. Because it was. If the EPF really had been here, going out alone made him an easy target. He’d known Donnie’s scans were good. Which meant he’d let himself get all worked up over nothing and he’d be exhausted when they opened tomorrow.
In his head, he saw today’s agent reach for his pocket and shuddered.
Great. Now his scales were crawling all over again.
A flicker of light caught his eye. A new yogurt place had opened across the street. Well, “new” as in “new company moved into an ancient building.” The sign for frozen yogurt was supposed to light up three scoops, but the middle one kept flickering.
Suddenly Raph craved it. He wanted to swallow as much frozen sugar as he could stand. He couldn’t taste sweetness all that much, he just wanted the food coma that would follow. And he wanted freeze dried strawberries with nuts and melted chocolate and as much whipped cream as they would sell him.
He sprinted to the edge of the arcade roof and dropped to the sidewalk below. He landed (safely) and crossed the street. The bell chimed as he entered.
The inside looked as sad and tired as the outside. It had only three tables and chipped white tile. The opposite wall had a messy chalkboard menu. But the glass display had four kinds of frozen yogurt and one of them was a nauseating pink clearly labeled ‘Strawberry.’ He grinned with relief and took one step forward. The girl at the counter looked up.
He froze. Wait, no, he’d just forgotten – their dad had made yokai public a few years ago, but they still weren’t commonplace in the human world, he wasn’t even wearing a disguise –
“You stuck?”
He blinked. The girl cocked an eyebrow at him.
“You comin’ in?” she asked, gesturing to the counter. “Our special today is ‘Caramel Cream.’ It’s sure to…er…oh, hang on, I forgot my line…” She started rustling through paperwork behind the register.
Huh. Raph approached the counter. “Can I have the strawberry?” he asked, pointing. The pink frozen treat was literally crusted with poorly mixed sugar.
“Sure, how much do you want?”
“…All of it?”
She gave it to him, but only after insisting he watch a few cat videos with her. Apparently he looked as upset as he felt. He wasn’t sure how that would help, but she insisted.
She was right. An hour later, Raph was sitting on the floor with his shell against the wall, halfway through the tub of saccharine strawberry. (It tasted more like sweetened plastic.) The cashier, April O’Neil, sat next to him. They were watching a playlist of cat videos that had them both in stitches.
“One more, one more!” April gasped, tears streaming from her eyes. She swiped her finger. The next video showed a fat orange cat asleep on a sofa. Raph leaned forward. So did the cat. Its pudge slowly dipped over the edge of the couch. Then - thunk. It landed skull-first upside-down, its back legs sticking straight up against the couch. Raph clapped both hands over his mouth. The cat startled awake, then slowly closed its eyes, its tongue hanging out. Raph burst into fresh laughter.
“This is – so –” Raph was laughing to hard to get the words out.
April practically fell over Raph’s lap, she was laughing so hard. “I know! It’s not even that funny but it’s so –”
She was already keeled over; she stuck out her tongue and made the cat face. Raph roared with laughter.
“Oh my – oh – I’m gonna – pull something,” April gasped, finally sitting up. “I blame the yogurt, it’s practically a health hazard.”
Raph sputtered with giggles. “You – you didn’t even have any!”
“It’s got fumes! We’re being fumigated!”
Raph squeaked, clutched his throat, then let his head roll back and his tongue loll out.
April burst into a fresh round of giggles. “Don’t play dead, you’re already green, I can’t tell if you’re becoming a zombie.”
Raph laughed – and bit his tongue, hard.
“Augh – ”
“Oh, oh geez, oh okay wow that’s a lot of blood!”
“I’ o’ay,” he tried to say, hunching over and cupping his hands around his mouth. His teeth were very sharp, this happened all the time when he was little. But his tongue wasn’t healed enough to say it. Blood dripped from his beak.
She sprang to her feet. “Wait here, I’m gonna get – uh – where the hell is the first aid kit –”
Raph winced as she went tearing to the back of the store. Great. He’d just freaked out the local human. And he was getting blood all over the half-empty yogurt tub.
(Would the EPF want that? Would they try to get samples from – )
“Here!” April shoved a handful of napkins into his hands. “Press it to your tongue I guess, or at least it’ll catch the mess.”
“I’ o’ay, ‘eelly –”
“Uh, no, you are literally bleeding everywhere! Just – have some more yogurt? If you can? Maybe the cold will – ugh, no, the strawberry’s all melted. What about peanut butter? We have peanut butter yogurt! That stuff’s like iced concrete, it never melts.”
Raph shook his head as best he could with April’s hands over his mouth. He was pretty sure the bleeding had already stopped. He very slowly reached up and pulled her wrists away from his mouth.
“I shou’ go.”
Her expression went from upset to downright crushed. “I…right. That’s fair.”
“Cou’ you…not tell th’ cops?”
She blinked. “Uh. Cops?”
“About the…” He gestured to the blood.
She stared at him. “…Am I missing something here?”
“No.”
They both winced. Raph could smell his lying stink.
April slowly sat back. “Look, I’m not gonna pretend I know you, but I haven’t seen a single reason to call the cops. Well – pretty sure the owner’s money laundering, but I’m still gathering evidence. Look, I won’t press, but do you, maybe, need help?”
“Not from humans.” Raph realized how that sounded. “Oh – not – I mean, you’ve been really nice. Raph meant human authorities. They haven’t treated me and my brothers very well.”
“I hear that,” she sighed.
“You do?”
“Uh, yes?” She gestured to her face. “Take one look at me and tell me the cops would treat me fairly. I don’t think they’d treat a yokai much better.”
“They didn’t,” he whispered. “And they’ll come back.”
They would. The EPF wasn’t done with them. Their first encounter still gave Raph nightmares. They hadn’t done anything today except talk, but the threats were bad enough. And they would keep coming back because Raph couldn’t stop them.
“Oh – oh no, hey…”
April rubbed circles on his shell. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks and onto the blood-soaked napkins. He was trying really hard not to cry and that made it worse. Pizza supreme, he felt awful. Why was he crying? He was the big brother! The one who was the biggest! He should be home right now keeping watch over his brothers. Instead, he was sitting on the floor of a half-derelict yogurt place, sobbing into bloody napkins in front of a total stranger.
“You’re okay,” April soothed. “It’s just the sugar crash. Here.” She handed him more napkins. He blew his nose, hard.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. Embarrassment burned in his gut.
“You should be! I told you that yogurt was a health hazard. By morning, that stuff has the consistency of Pepto Bismol vomit. It is disgusting.”
Raph laughed wetly.
She grinned. “There you go! Listen, do you need to spend the night here? Do you have somewhere safe to go?”
He shook his head. “Raph will be okay. I – I need to get home to my brothers.”
“Sure. Hey, you’re welcome back anytime, okay? Your brothers too, if they want to come. And let me know if you need help with the EPF. I know a great hacker.”
Raph chuckled. “Thanks, April.”
“Any time.”
Leo and Mikey were still asleep when he got back. He found Donnie in his room, surrounded by screens with his cat earphones around his neck.
Raph turned on the light. Donnie hissed.
“You’re gonna ruin your eyes,” Raph chided. “You coming back to bed?”
“Can’t. Hacking the EPF. Do you need new retainers?”
“Do I what?”
“Your mouth.” Donnie pointed to his own. “You got blood crusted in it. Did you bite through your old one?”
He had, actually, but it had been a while ago. “I could maybe use a mouth guard.”
“I’ll make you an invisoline. Go away now.”
Raph sighed and left him to it. He wasn’t sure hacking was the best option, but he trusted Donnie to be discreet about it. And it wasn’t like Raph could stop him. At least they wouldn’t need April’s hacker – Donnie was the best there was.
It felt weird to realize he'd been actively considering her offer. Getting help from a human? After the EPF and the whole...general public reaction to yokai? April had been different, though.
Ugh. His brothers could never find out about this.
Leo was awake when Raph reached the breakroom. Jupiter Jim had been mysteriously replaced with a telenova. Leo wasn’t really watching, though. He was scrolling on his phone. He waved with it when Raph came in.
“Mikey awake, too?” Raph whispered.
“Nah. Donnie drugged him. Drugged me, too, but. Insomnia, you know? It’s fighting the drugs for dominance.”
“…Raph has conflicting feelings about everything you said.”
“Join the party. Literally.” Leo kept scrolling with one hand, but patted the couch with the other, right where Raph had been sleeping before.
Raph settled back next to his brothers, tucking Mikey in his arms. Leo curled up against his side. Donnie had probably drugged Raph, too. Maybe it was finally kicking in, or maybe it really was the sugar crash, but Raph was suddenly bone-tired and so, so heavy. He soaked in the sound of his brothers breathing, the soft warm smell of their sleep. It felt like floating in a bubble of safety. He wondered how long he could protect it.
AN:
April: I know a hacker
Raph: nah we're good we got donnie
Hamato Haven Chapter 4: Shenanigans are explained. Mayhem is adopted. It's Nail Polish Night.
AO3 Link Tumblr Masterpost
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
AN: More of an epilogue than a full-length chapter, but stuffed with fluff!
After quite a lot of yelling and not a whole lot of explaining, the five of them made sure the animals were settled for the night and then retreated to the breakroom. They collected on the couch with a Jupiter Jim movie playing in the background. April had been hiding the Hidden City agent in her jacket. The tiny yokai was now curled up in the pocket of Raph’s shell just behind his neck. Leo had gotten out his nail polish. He, Donnie, and April were painting each other’s nails. Mikey curled up on the couch with his head on Raph’s leg. Then the real explanations began.
It turned out they had all met April separately.
Donnie had, of course, met April online. Donnie had thoroughly vetted her. Raph had even known about her, in an off-hand, online, no-names-mentioned kind of way.
Leo had met April in the Hidden City when they were both much younger. She’d found a secret portal, started investigating, and somehow both she and Leo had wound up defending Hueso’s restaurant from the Makers of Brutality. Leo had already been Hueso’s unspoken favorite, but with a stunt like that, April was a tough contender. Leo and April had developed a friendly competition that dissolved into sharing gossip and daredevil stunts on a weekly basis.
Mikey had met April when they both took the same culinary class at the local college. Mikey had been doing it so he had access to fancier cooking tools. April had been doing it to dig up dirt on the professor. (Not all of his cooking tools were legally purchased. Oof.)
Raph had met April most recently, when she was still going from minimum wage job to minimum wage job. She’d been at YogurTastic Land for a week running the graveyard shift. She’d been there the first time Raph came at midnight. He’d vented a lot of worry and frustration over a gallon-size serving of the Strawberry Spice special. April got fired after exposing the owner for money-laundering, but they’d kept meeting up anyway, trying a new place every few weeks until they got kicked out.
Leo winced. “A gallon-sized serving? Every time?”
“Maybe.” Raph shrugged. “Raph has a lot on his mind. And April’s a good listener. And discrete!”
“I never reveal my sources,” April confirmed with a nod.
“Aw, Raph…” Mikey draped himself over Raph’s lap and wrapped both arms around Raph’s plastron. “I didn’t know you were worried enough to stress-eat. I can get you more ice cream!”
“From where?” Leo asked drily, now hanging upside-down on the sofa. He waved a freshly-painted nails in the air. “We don’t have the fridge space.”
April giggled. “You really don’t. One time, the big guy put away four tubs of strawberry fudge swirl. I don’t mean gallons, either. I mean those display tubs they have for customers to choose from.”
“I was upset! That was the first time the EPF came to the shop!” He wrapped his arms around Mikey until he squeaked. “Just because we can handle ourselves doesn’t mean we should have to. They tried to kidnap us once. Raph was worried they’d try again.”
April winced. “Oof. I guess that’s why you guys were so secretive about your home life.”
Donnie snorted. “Yeah, because someone told us not to trust humans. And then spilled his guts to one.”
“Well – it’s not any human, though! It’s April!”
“You make a solid point and your hypocrisy is forgiven.”
“Mmmmm, I dunno.” Leo blew on his nail polish. “I think we could get at least a week’s guilt trip out of it. What should we ask for? A vacation? All-you-can-eat at Hueso’s? Unicorn onesie’s?”
Raph casually shoved his brother off the couch. Leo squeaked and rolled frantically, trying very hard to protect his nail polish. Mikey giggled. The yokai lifted his head and yowled in complaint.
Mikey grinned and reached back to scratch the yokai’s chin. “So how’d you wind up with this li’l guy?”
“Oh, the usual.” April waved a free hand – Donnie had switched to doing her nails. “Uncovered a government conspiracy about the length of traffic lights, ran into the EPF trying to corner him, played off that he was my lost dog and I was just looking at traffic lights to find the best place for lost-and-found posters.”
Raph frowned. “And they just…believed you? He’s definitely not a dog.”
April and Donnie shared a glance. Matching grins spread over their faces.
“Are you sure?” April asked innocently. “Because if it has four legs like a dog –”
Donnie gestured. “A fluffy tail like a dog –”
“Cute triangle ears like a dog –”
“Behold, a man!” they both shouted, laughing.
Raph looked nonplussed. “Uh, what?”
Mikey patted his arm. “Just a nerd reference, I’m sure. Let them bond.”
April slapped Donnie’s high-five (or high three, on Donnie’s end). “Yeah! I mean, there was no way they bought it, but the little guy teleported us away before they could catch us. I literally sprinted to City Hall and got him registered on the spot. The clerk didn’t blink twice. So I had an actual legal record and the EPF couldn’t take him when they caught us a second time.”
Mikey brightened. “You Lilo-and-Stitched them!”
“Raph gets that one!” he said, and offered April his own high-three. She slapped it and fist-bumped him.
Leo, sprawled across the floor, still managed to look oddly thoughtful. “You know, that might work for the Big Heads, too. Maybe they’ll send out fewer agents if we can get them adopted out, keep them from going back. We’d need to find prospective adopters, though…I wonder if Big Mama would –”
“No,” said Mikey, Donnie, and Raph.
“I was going to say ‘know anyone!’ Not ‘adopt them herself!’”
April frowned. “I thought Big Mama kidnapped and terrorized the four of you?”
All four brothers stared at her.
“How do you know that?” Mikey asked slowly.
She shrugged. “I never reveal my sources.”
Donnie raised the nail polish brush threateningly. “Your nails are still wet, April O’Neil.”
“Then I accept my fate. But before you strike, I’ll remind you that I’ve got plenty of dirt on you, Mr. Orders-Uranium-From-Shady-Sources.”
Raph sighed. “Where did you stash it, Donnie.”
“Nowhere! Definitely not under my bed!”
“Leo?”
“On it.” Leo drew a small circle with one finger. A blue oval appeared, then closed with a small pop. “Aaaand it’s on the moon.”
Donnie sank back with a grumble. “You win this round, O’Neil.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
“Oh-hey-wait!” Mikey sat up so fast he nearly clipped Raph on the chin. “We’re forgetting something incredibly important – what did you name your new dog?!”
“I’m so glad you asked!” April grinned with all her teeth. “Mayhem! Because that’s exactly what I like to cause!”
“Yes!” Donnie jumped to his feet with a cheer. “Death to order! Chaos is the natural state of the universe! May entropy reign supreme!”
Raph kicked him in the ankle and dropped him.
“Like that?” he asked drily.
Leo yawned. “Not that this hasn’t been a fun family union, but this turtle needs some beauty sleep. Can we pick this up another night?”
“Why stop?” Mikey slipped off the couch next to April and hugged her. “Say you’ll sleep over with us! Pretty pretty pleeeeease? I’ll make that caramel drizzle popcorn we learned last week!”
April gasped dramatically. “Bribery! I’m a journalist with ethics, I’ll have you know! Besides, it’s always tastier when you steal someone else’s.”
“That’s true…okay, deal, you can steal my popcorn!”
Raph rolled his eyes and got up for more blankets.
Hamato Haven Chapter 3: Adopt, don’t shop. Study the powerpoint. Encrypt your cat pictures.
AO3 Link Tumblr Masterpost
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 4
AN: Bishop doesn't appear in this. Which is a shame, because I would like to punch him in the face. (Not the 2012 version though. He gets a pass and a free pizza.)
Despite the excitement that morning, the rest of the day had been fairly slow. Mikey liked it that way. He could take his time with each customer. Today had mostly been regulars. Mr. Jimenez, an armadillo yokai, needed more woodlice for his baby basilisks. Tatsumi-san, a human, came by for cat litter and the latest gossip. The Natsume triplets, all otter yokai, came by every day to pet the fire rats.
Mikey never needed to worry about humans and yokai meeting. Flipping the ‘Open’ sign changed the doorway portal to connect with only one world at a time. Whichever world they weren’t connected to just showed a ‘Be Back Soon!’ with several orange smiley faces.
Mikey usually flipped the sign every hour, but early afternoon found the shop still in the Hidden City. He was talking to a pair of teenage witches from witchtown. They were twins, tall, willowy, with orange fur accented by dark teal dresses. They were also very interested in adopting Trixie.
“Our aunt has a hare familiar!” Matilde gushed, waving her hands about excitedly. Tiny rabbit-shaped sparks leaped off her fingers and vanished into the air. “His name was Harry, we love him so much, and when Roslinde got her familiar –”
“We thought he might prefer a companion,” Roslinde said, gesturing to her skirt. A tiny jackelope poked its head out of the pocket. Its antlers were hardly more than nubs.
Mikey squealed, pinching his own cheeks with excitement. “They’re adorable! Hiiii, little guy! Can he have a snack?”
“He mayest,” Roslinde said primly. “So as not to laden his stride, I bear with me a plethora of…er…freeze-dried crickets.”
Matilde smirked. “She hasn’t found a way to say that in old-timey speak.”
Mikey laughed and accepted a cricket snack from Roslinde. Her familiar sniffed Mikey’s dark green fingers. It nibbled his scales cautiously, then made a face and went for the cricket instead. Mikey practically melted inside. The little nibbles were so cute! And his teeth were so healthy! Hard to do with a familiar that liked to eat rotting carcasses.
“You take great care of him,” Mikey said, beaming. “Though I should point out that a jackelope is very different than a mundane hare, and Trixie’s also got a Tragic Backstory TM.”
Roslinde blinked. “Did thou just sayest ‘TM’ aloud?”
Matilde waved her off. “No no, I totally understand. I’ve done a lot of reading on hare body language and desensitization. I’m expecting there to be an adjustment period, so I already let my school know I may need to do spellwork at home for a while. I’m setting up an expansion spell in my room, too, so he’ll have plenty of room to run around even if it rains snails again.”
“That sounds amazing!” Mikey gushed. “I have a few pamphlets on desensitization, if you would like! She’s still in quarantine for the next day and a half, but would you like to come by this Friday to meet her? If she gets to see you a few times before adoption day, she’ll probably have an easier time adjusting at home.”
Matilde’s eyes lit up. “Yes please!”
“Great! I also have some preparatory materials for you, one second –”
He ran to the register at the back of the store and leap-frogged over the counter. He grabbed a copy of Donnie’s printed powerpoints. It was double-sided, six slides to a page, and bound like a book. It was about two inches thick. He hurried back and dropped it into Matilde’s hands.
“There you go! It’s a bit longer because there’s a trauma section and two practice quizzes at the back.”
“Uh – okay?”
“Great! And since you’re still a minor – age of maturity in the Hidden City is still 200, sorry – you’ll have to bring a parent or guardian with you the day you actually adopt her. They don’t have to be 200, just a legal guardian.”
“Um.” Matilde was flipping slowly through the textbook. “This has footnotes.”
“And an appendix,” Roslinde said, impressed.
“Make sure you read it,” Mikey advised. “Donnie pulls a lot of his exam questions out of it. Especially Appendix D. For no particular reason. Anything else I can do for you today?”
Matilda looked up. “Could you drop us off in the human world? I wanted to ask our aunt for extra tips, just in case there’s anything I forgot.”
Mikey beamed. “Absolutely!”
He strode to the door and flipped the sign. There was a small flash of blue light around the edge of the door, accompanied by a small pop at the edge of Mikey’s hearing. He opened the door with a flourish.
“Be careful, it’s bigger on the outside!”
Matilde didn’t notice. She was already nose-deep in Donnie’s book. Roslinde rolled her eyes, grabbed her sister by the shoulders, and steered her out the door.
“We shall return two days hence!” Roslinde called behind her, over Matilde’s mutterings.
“See you then!” Mikey called back.
“Make a sale?” Raph asked.
Mikey turned. His brother walked in through the breakroom door, pulling a heavy cart of cat litter behind him. One of their vendors must have delivered a fresh supply in the back, just before Mikey flipped the sign.
“Almost!” Mikey practically pirouetted towards his brother, leaping up to sit on Raph’s shell as he bent down for the bags. “A witch named Matilde wants to adopt Trixie. She even took Donnie’s textbook home to study. So there! I can be emotionally attached and still be responsible!”
Raph rolled his eyes and straightened, four bags under each arm, Mikey still on his shoulder. “Never said otherwise, big man.”
“You never said but you were thinking it!”
Lucy cawed in agreement, ruffling her feathers.
Ding!
The noise came from both of their pockets at once. Mikey dug out his phone and opened the group chat. “Oh, it’s from Leo!”
“He wrangled Dad?”
“You could say that.” Mikey held up his phone. It was a picture of Draxum falling from the top of his own castle. He looked stunned, like he’d just missed a step on the stairs and couldn’t understand how he’d suddenly ended up outside. A short gray blur was already scaling the castle to catch him. Leo’s face was in the foreground, grinning. The caption read, “Defenestration Brings Loved Ones Together <3.”
Raph smirked. “He’s never gonna let that go.”
“Nope! And neither Dads are ever gonna learn their lesson. I wonder if Dr. Feelings should make a house call.”
Raph had been tossing the litter bags onto the shelf like they were full of feathers. Suddenly he stopped and glanced up at Mikey. “You know you don’t have to parent our parents, right?”
“And you don’t have to be a parent, yourself. But someone needs to tell Splinter not to be such a drama king, and I should definitely talk some self-restraint into Barry. He’s the one who put a Big Head agent in danger. Speaking of…” He scrolled down. “Whoops. Donnie texted us the agent’s picture this morning.”
“This morn- then what’s he been doing in his room all day?!”
“Nerding out? Updating security? World domination?”
“Not again,” Raph muttered. He sighed. “One problem at a time. Can you text Leo to come home? Maybe the two of you can do a sweep of the city and bring the agent back. What does it look like?”
“Here.” Mikey tapped on the image and enlarged it, then bent down on his perch to show his brother.
Suddenly the door creaked. Both of them looked up. A gaggle of human teenagers shoved their way through the door, pushing and smacking each other and laughing at their own jokes. There were five of them. They all wore different clothes, some with baggy jeans or skin-tight leggings, some with stained jackets or shirts with ripped-off sleeves.
“Oh, hey guys!” Mikey said, overly cheerful, hopping down from Raph. “Did you need help with –”
“Whoa!”
One of the teenagers shoved his friend a little too hard. The friend staggered, laughing, and nearly shoulder-checked the fire rat cage. The rats startled, hissing and sparking. Mikey heard something else over the noise. It was the way the teen’s shoe had come down. He was wearing ragged-looking sneakers. There was no way they should have clicked on the floor like that. And now that he was looking for it, Mikey could smell shoeshine. Specific brand, government issued.
His eyes flashed white. He wasn’t as good at it as Leo and Raph, but he heard Raph shift behind him.
“Did you need help out?” Mikey asked loudly, striding towards them. “Sorry, we just closed.”
All five teenagers laughed. One of them laughed so hard they nearly fell onto the Grimm. The dog opened an eye sleepily. Mikey slipped in front of it, cheating with a little levitation. He very pointedly did not touch the teen.
“I said we’re closed. Time to leave.”
By the litter, Raph slowly straightened up.
“You gonna make us?” One of them taunted. “You gonna mystic-whammy us? We know you’re not allowed to do that!”
“And you’re not allowed to do that.” Mikey snapped his fingers.
The spells on the group’s cloaking badges sizzled and snapped. The teenagers disappeared. Five EPF agents stood in their place. Their suits were perfectly creased, their hair swept back, and all of them wore sunglasses. A few still slouched as they pretended rowdiness. They straightened smoothly, immediately, as if all of them expected Mikey to catch them and were very smug about predicting him.
The lead agent was turning his head slowly, scanning the room. Mikey thought it was just a visual scan until he caught a spark of yellow light on the corner of his glasses. His stomach tensed. They weren’t hiding anything, but it was still galling to see any tech that wasn’t Donnie’s in their own home.
The agent’s gaze turned to Mikey and Raph. “We’ve had reports of a Hidden City operative taking refuge in the Haven.”
“No you haven’t,” Raph said flatly. “Otherwise you would have come in with a warrant to search for them. Now leave.”
“We don’t need a warrant to search public spaces.”
“This is private property –”
“Including the stolen familiar?”
Mikey’s stomach tightened. Trixie? They can scan through the walls?!
“There was no report of a stolen familiar,” Raph said sharply.
“And all of our critters are ethically acquired,” Mikey added, floating a little bit higher for effect. “We have invoices for everyone on the floor. Not that we’d show you.”
“I think you’d better.” The agent made to step forward.
“BWAAAM! BWAAAM! BWAAAM!”
The clean white light of the shop suddenly switched to violet, accompanied by an alarm. (It was a very loud recording of Mikey’s own voice, actually. They’d had a lot of fun making it.) The animals didn’t react; they’d all been well-desensitized to loud noises. The Grimm snuffled and rolled over. Two of the agents flinched.
“Unpleasant greetings,” Donnie said, his voice echoing live over the store’s speakers. The purple lights were still flashing. “You seem to be under the delusion that you could successfully menace my brothers, even though one of them is bigger than all of you put together and the other could bench press a building.”
“Cute,” the lead agent said. “But the EPF is authorized to retrieve any stolen property –”
“Even when no property has been reported stolen and no evidence suggests such a crime? That reminds me, you took an illegal mystic scan. Donnie says no-no-no!”
The hinge of the agent’s glasses exploded with a small pop. This time the agent did flinch and tore the glasses from his face. He didn’t look at all singed, just very angry. He threw the glasses to the ground and reached for his pocket, glaring at Mikey and Raph. “Congratulations. You just assaulted an officer.”
“Please see the Earth Protection Force Act, section 3.4, paragraph 2: ‘Any individual whose private property is wrongfully invaded by acting agents of the EPF are entitled to use nonlethal force to remove such agents if and only if it has been clearly requested that the agents vacate the premise.’ I have my own recording of Raph asking you to leave. We all know that law was written to protect humans, not yokai, but we are legally authorized by the Hidden City Head Council to enforce that law to the letter. And in case you still think you’re above your own rules, I’d also like to inform you that someone has been sending truly adorable cat pictures to their friends from their work computer with zero encryptions. It created a nice little hole in your firewalls. If any of you take a single step towards my brothers, I will turn every single device the five of you ever touch into a very fancy brick.”
Mikey smiled with all his teeth. “Aaaaand that’s your cue to leave!”
The agent’s eyes snapped to Mikey. Then to Raph, standing behind him. “You can’t hide in your shop forever. You won’t have the same protection on the street, with no cameras, and no witnesses. Not all of you are tech wizards or seven-foot thugs.”
“Some of us don’t need it.” Raph clapped a hand on Mikey’s shoulder. “Meet the soon-to-be youngest Master in 200 years. He’s not holding me back, fellas. It’s the other way around. There’s the door.”
The agents slowly filed out.
As soon as they were gone and the lights stopped flashing, Mikey turned and leaped, throwing both arms around Raph’s neck.
“RAPH RAPH RAPH YOU ARE THE BEST!”
“Whoa! I – thanks?”
“Hey,” Donnie protested, over the speakers.
Mikey pulled back, beaming. “I mean that last part! Where the guy was all, ‘Intimidation! Mean quip! Blargh!’ And you were just like, ‘Bam, we got Mikey!’”
Raph laughed. “Well, we do! And they know it. You go to culinary class once a week. They tail you every time and never make a move. The only reason they bother us here is because they know you won’t retaliate with the animals around.”
“Speaking of, gentlemen, I suggest we close shop for the day. Four more agents just camped outside the Haven. I’m about to blast my sickest beats on their earbuds at max volume, but I’d prefer not to give them any further access to the shop.”
Raph sighed. “Yeah…I’ll get the door. Donnie, can you and Leo track down the agent? Leo can portal him here to get around the goons.”
“On it.”
Mikey hopped down to the floor. “I hate it when we have to close early. Mr. Guerrero was going to come by for hickory chews today. Maybe I can drop some off at his place tomorrow instead. Here, Lucy – new toy!” He scooped the agent’s glasses off the floor, melted the hinges into bird-safe smoothness, and tossed it her way. The raven caught it and tossed it happily in a one-bird game of catch, cawing happily.
Raph flipped the sign on the door. He had just turned towards Mikey when a bright yellow light flashed between them, hovering in the middle of the air.
“Mikey!?” Raph yelped.
“It’s not me! Donnie!”
“It’s a portal, I’m getting mystic readings! Oooh, if those goons think they can outportal my twin –”
“Get ready!” Raph slammed his fists together. Red ninpo enveloped his arms from knuckle to elbow. Mikey whipped out his kusari fundo. Donnie rushed out from the breakroom, techbo at the ready. Several animals squeaked nervously. Lucy flapped her wings, the sunglasses clutched in her beak.
The light shaped itself into a teenage girl. Mikey saw legs, then arms, an oddly bulky jacket, two puffy pigtails –
“…April?” Mikey asked, stunned.
“Mikey?” April looked just as surprised. Then her face split into a huge grin. “Oh yeah, you told me you worked at a pet store!”
“April O’Neil?” Donnie asked incredulously.
“Donnie!" She waved cheerfully. "I’d recognize that voice anywhere! Hiiii!”
Raph sputtered. “What – how – you both know a human? The same human?! I told you humans are dangerous!”
“We met at culinary school –” Mikey started, just as Donnie started talking about MMORPGs and journalistic integrity. Then April turned and saw Raph. Mikey half-expected her to scream, or maybe just startle – he’d never really explained how big his brother was – but April just put her hands on her hips and scowled.
“You’re one to talk, Mr. Midnight-Frozen-Yogurt-Run.”
Raph winced. Mikey gaped at him. Donnie reared back, several metal claw-hands pressed dramatically to his plastron.
“YOU BROKE YOUR OWN RULE?!” Mikey shrieked.
“HYPOCRITE! BETRAYER!” Donnie crowed.
“Well – I didn’t – I thought I was the only one who – does everyone know April?!”
A much more familiar blue portal appeared next to Lucy. Leo stepped through, holding a stack of pizzas. “Hey guys! Brought some dinner on Draxum’s tab.” He caught sight of their guest and brightened instantly. “Oh, hey April! Are you staying for pizza?”
AN: APRIIIIIIIIIL O'NEIL!! This is probably my favorite chapter. The next one will have a lot more April and a lot more fluff.
Hamato Haven Chapter 2: Leo reconciles the Splinter-Draxum Definitely-Not-A-Lover's-Quarrel
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Chapter 1 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Leo lay on the couch, lanky limbs sprawled in perfect relaxation. Splinter’s soaps had finished. They were now twenty minutes into an hour-long infomercial for scorpion treadmills. Leo loved soaps, but infomercials bored him to tears. Splinter knew this. Which meant he knew that Leo had a plan. And yet Leo remained perfectly attentive to the infomercial.
Splinter could outmaneuver anyone in a physical fight. But there were two things he couldn’t do. First, resist Mikey’s puppy dog eyes. (Nobody could resist that except Raph.) Two, outthink Leo. Splinter knew Leo was here because of his fight with Draxum. And yet, so far, Leo had done absolutely nothing. Out of the corner of his eye, Leo saw Splinter start to sweat.
He grinned to himself. 3, 2, 1…
“It’s not my fault!” Splinter shouted, leaping to his feet on the chair. “We were having a perfectly lovely anniversary! He’s the one who brought it up!”
“Totally,” Leo said blandly. “Brought up what?”
“That stupid prophecy,” Splinter spat. “The one he thinks means that humans will destroy the yokai.”
“Ah.”
This might be harder than he thought.
Draxum had never really let go of his plans for world domination. After all, he’d spent centuries on it. Then Lou Jitsu had destroyed all his work and made off with his prize creations in a single day. They’d only married in the first place to get custody rights from Big Mama (see: kidnapping. Again, it was a whole thing.) Eventually they developed an enemies-to-it’s-complicated relationship. Fighting was practically their love language by now.
But the prophecy was different. A few castle walls were still cracked from the last time it had come up.
Leo looked at Splinter sympathetically. “He brought it up over dessert, didn’t he?”
Splinter nodded vigorously. “He did! He thought he was being romantic, talking about how our relationship was destiny, how he was so glad he’d decided to try destroying humanity. Like his experiments on us made him a hero. He was just an arrogant mad scientist with zero ethics and even less remorse!”
“Careful, that sounds awfully close to describing Donnie.”
“Purple knows where to draw the line!”
“Does he?”
“More than Draxum!” Splinter’s tail lashed and he bared his teeth. “He still thinks ending humanity will save the world! Do you know what he said to me?! He said I must agree with him deep down, because I’ve been training you boys for it your whole lives! I taught you boys martial arts to bond with you, not to make you mindless warriors! If I wanted that I would have left you with Big Mama!”
“Still not a fan of hers?” Leo asked innocently. “I don’t know, Dad, maybe you want to try the jealousy route. Running into her eight arms would probably make Draxum blow a test tube.”
“Hah! It’s her fault I’m married in the first place! It was the only way to get you out of her adorable clutches. You boys shouldn’t be forced to fight for prophecies or entertainment. You’re no one’s toy soldiers. You have your own destinies to find.”
“In a pet shop?” Leo asked drily.
Splinter cracked his tail on Leo’s head and he yelped. “Don’t be fresh!”
“Alright, alright,” Leo grumbled, rubbing his scalp.
Despite the sarcasm, Leo was genuinely touched. That stuff about their own destinies… It was rare for Dad to say something so emotional or protective. There wasn’t even anyone else around to perform for. Dad had said it because he meant it. And he’d said it for Leo alone.
That’s my dad, he thought suddenly. That’s my dad, saying genuine dad things. And he means it. It was maybe the fourth one-on-one bonding moment they’d ever had.
Welp, time to ruin it.
“Maybe you’re right,” Leo said, toying with his bandana. “Maybe we should cut off the old goat. It’s been years since Big Mama. We’re old enough to defend ourselves if she comes for us.”
Splinter plopped down on the chair’s arm with a scowl. “That wouldn’t matter to her. The moment we divorce, Draxum’s extra protection charms will break. She’ll get you back in her irresistibly cute clutches no matter how long it takes.”
“So? I bet Draxum would be glad to see us go. Those charms take up an awful lot of mystic energy.”
Splinter karate-chopped him on the forehead. “They wouldn’t if you stopped testing them! Don’t think I don’t know about your weekly poker games with her!”
Oops. Leo thought he’d been pretty sneaky about it. He grinned winningly. “Just trying to get her to spill Lou Jitsu lore! What about an informal separation, then? Still married on paper, but not actually together. You can just stay up here in the human world. Oh, wait – Draxum was the one who helped you get your human estate back.”
“He made me sole owner,” Splinter said grudgingly.
Leo beamed. “Well, there you go! Just live off your savings and copyright earnings. You never have to set foot in the Hidden City again.”
Splinter grumbled. “But that otter yokai makes the best okonomiyaki…”
“Of course, the Hidden City Heads have already sent an animal agent after you.”
He winced. “They have?”
“Yep. It’ll probably get caught by the EPF, but…” Leo shrugged. “It’s not your fault the Heads don’t care about their agents.”
“It’s not,” Splinter agreed uneasily.
“And it’s not your fault that you’re one of the only positive links between yokai and humans.”
Splinter grimaced, wringing his tail. “Well – but, I didn’t ask for –”
“Of course, your loyal sons will totally support your decision. Even if cutting ties means Raph has to take back the role of Supportive Parent Figure. And Donnie won’t have anyone to check his safety spells when he practices with mystech. And Mikey will have to give up mystic lessons.”
“Give up?”
Leo shrugged. “No one will take an apprentice from another Master. Too bad, Mikey would’ve been the youngest Master in living history. Oh, well. He doesn’t need Mastery to run a pet shop.”
Splinter groaned. His tail twisted itself in knots.
“At least you don’t have to worry about me!” Leo said brightly. “I never liked Dad #2. He threw me off a roof when I was nine.”
“Onto his vines!” Splinter said sharply. “To keep you from getting eaten by a baby gryphon. Which you insisted you could tame!”
“And maybe if it wasn’t for him, I would have!” Leo stood up. “You know what? Maybe it’s time I return the favor.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah! He’s caused this family enough trouble. And he’s the one who goaded the Big Heads into sending an agent to the human world. It’s time somebody taught him a lesson.” Leo unsheathed his katana. “Won’t be long. Don’t worry, widowers keep custody rights!”
“BLUE!”
Too late. Leo dropped through a portal, closing it over his head. He was barely quick enough – he felt the wind from Splinter’s claws graze his scales just as the portal snapped shut. He dropped neatly into Draxum’s lab.
The place was as messy as it ever was. The left wall held a massive window with a view of the Hidden City wastes. The weird perpetual glow threw light onto three counters stretching the length of the room, all laden with glassware and bubbling concoctions. The shelves lining the back wall were filled with grimoires and magical artifacts, from finger-chopping rings to stone eyes that swiveled on velvet cushions. The right wall was entirely covered in oddly square vines wrapped around glass screens – Donnie and Draxum’s evolving attempts to combine magic and mysticism.
The alchemist himself was standing at the far end of one counter, arguing furiously with Huginn and Muninn. The remains of a smashed plant decorated the counter in front of him. A concerning amount of teeth were mixed into the scattered dirt.
Draxum caught sight of Leo and glowered. “Don’t. Touch. Anything.”
“Wasn’t planning on it.” He eyed the smashed pot. “You throw a tantrum in here, Draxy?”
“Nah.” Muninn flew over and landed on Leo’s shoulder. “You know how his spells backfire when he’s too upset to cry.”
“I am not crying!” Draxum said loudly.
“But you are upset,” Huginn pointed out. “Don’t worry, boss. You had a lover’s quarrel. You’re allowed to cry. Mikey says crying is healthy!”
“I have never cried in my life!”
“That I believe,” Leo muttered. Draxum wasn’t the touchy-feely type, despite many lessons from Dr. Feelings.
Draxum scowled as if he knew exactly what Leo was thinking. “If you want something, say it or get out. My flesh-eating rosebush escaped and I don’t want it eating one of my finest creations.”
“ ‘Finest creations?’” Leo echoed. “I think that’s the closest phrase to ‘sons’ you’ve ever used. Wait till I tell Mikey you’ve gone all sentimental.”
“Don’t you dare!”
“You should!” Muninn insisted. “And tell him the rosebush was for Splinter!”
Draxum glared bloody murder.
Leo laughed. “I don’t think carnivorous flowers were ever Dad’s thing. You must be pretty desperate, huh? You should know better than to bring up the prophecy by now.”
“Do you have a point?” Draxum demanded.
“Yep!” Leo glanced out the window. A streak of gray was zipping across the wastes, heading straight for the castle. Perfect timing. “Get ready, Drax. I’m about to get petty revenge, restore our family’s dysfunctional status quo, and earn enough gratitude from you to get your Lou Jitsu 1997 Silver Age poster collection.”
“What makes you think I’d ever –”
Leo opened a portal under Draxum. The yokai dropped – and then fell past the lab window outside.
Leo portaled himself to the wastes some distance away, pulled out his camera, and took a selfie. Sometimes he required photographic evidence of his genius.
Hamato Haven Chapter 1: Raph wakes up. Leo watches telenovas. Donnie hacks the government.
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Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Raph woke up stiff. He shifted and heard the breakroom couch creak underneath him. Right – they’d had a turtle pile in the break room last night to watch Jupiter Jim IV. He’d been too tired to go downstairs in his own bed.
Sleeping in the breakroom wasn’t as bad as it sounded. It was a pretty big space and served as their living room and kitchen. The massive couch faced the projector and the blank wall. The left wall was the kitchen – cabinet, counters, sink, coffee maker, and whatever leftovers hadn’t quite made it to the fridge. They had a table with mismatched chairs, currently covered in uncharged ipads and trinkets from the Hidden City. The room had three doors. One led downstairs to the bedrooms and bathrooms. One led out back where they took deliveries. The last one led to the pet shop.
Raph eyed the coffee maker hopefully, as if he could somehow make it start working just by looking at it. It gleamed uselessly. He sighed and glanced down at himself. He was still wearing yesterday’s clothes – red robes with a white flower print and his cloaking brooch clipped to the collar. It had a few Dorito-colored fingerprints from last night’s snackfest. He should probably change.
Eh. He was already late to feed the animals. He brushed it off as best he could and headed into the store.
The Hamato Haven was laid out like a fat rectangle with the front door at the opposite end. The walls were lined with glass tanks and cages for creatures of all sizes. The left wall was the reptile section. Miniature wyverns, basilisks, and albino feathered snakes filled the tanks, most of them sleeping or basking under their heat lamps. Farther down the wall, fire rats, Kodama Nezumi, and colocolos filled the rodent section, along with a few church mice.
The right wall held an assortment of birds, including a leucistic raven and a steller’s jay whose wings glimmered with actual constellations. They also had a church grimm twice the size of an average rottweiler. The grimm tended to sleep in front of the church mice all day. Raph sometimes wasn’t sure it was alive but for the small curls of green smoke that sometimes wafted from its nostrils.
Along the length of the floor stood three sets of shelves laden with a variety of pet supplies. They had both human and yokai vendors, so the supplies included everything from hay and canned dog food to basic healing charms and glowing beetle larvae (which made the wyverns who ate them glow in the dark).
Mikey was already up, stepping deftly around the sleeping grimm and levitating a tray of rodent food behind him. Instead of a long robe like Raph, he was wearing a loose orange tank top with long black pants. They were tied at the waist with a broad sash that could unfold into an apron if needed.
“Who’s up for fresh greens?” he said cheerfully, waving at the fire rat cage. “Yeah? Would you like some peas? And how about some hickory sticks to burn, as a little treat? Yeah?”
The leucistic raven cawed from its cage.
“You already got your breakfast, Lucy. Shush.”
Raph snorted and leaned against the doorframe. “Do I need to check on the sick room?” Raph asked, nodding his head towards the side door. The sick room was where they isolated and cared for sick animals. There were currently only two patients: a miniature kelpie with fin rot, and a hare from the witch’s village. The hare had a series of scars beneath its fur. Leo had “found” it last week. When the previous owner showed up, Mikey met them at the door. They hadn’t been back.
Mikey popped the last hickory stick inside the cage and closed the door. “Nah, I checked on them both already. Kelly’s about the same, but Trixie let me hand-feed her today!”
“That’s great, but could you please stop naming them? That’s how you get attached. You, as in you personally. You cried when we sold that tokage last week.”
“They deserve names!” Mikey retorted, shaking a finger at Raph. The food tray floating in the air shook along with him. “They’re not just products, they’re thinking creatures! It helps them get socialized!”
“You’re right, but –”
The front door flashed a brilliant blue. The “open” sign on the door flipped on its own, Yokai script facing inward, English script facing outward.
The door had a portal that could lead either to New York or the Hidden City. Mikey, Raph, or Donnie could switch the store’s location by flipping the sign. Leo himself was the only one who could flip it from the outside, since they were his portals. Which meant it had to be Leo coming through. Based on the sign, the door had flipped back to the human world.
Mikey slapped at his cloaking brooch. His clothes stayed the same, but he now looked like an average human teenager, complete with thick chin-length braids and spots of vitiligo across his nose and shoulders. Raph fumbled for his own brooch, but he hadn’t pressed it yet when two familiar figures tumbled through. He sagged with relief. Until he saw that his remaining brothers were covered in mud and definitely not in their human disguises.
“Good evening, brethren!” Donnie announced, springing to his feet.
“It’s morning, Donnie!” Raph snapped. “Why are you two so filthy?”
“Spa day?” Leo offered, grinning up from the floor.
Raph took one step forward.
Donnie and Leo scrambled back against the door.
Donnie cleared his throat. “W-well, our dearest Papa and our unfortunate creator got in a bit of a spat –”
“For the third time this week –”
“– and threatened divorce – ”
“– for the third time this month –”
“– so Draxum told the Big Heads that Papa went missing –”
“And they sent an agent after him!” Leo finished.
Raph blinked a few times. “But…don’t they know –”
“That Splinter lives in his human mansion during fights? Of course they do!” Leo threw his hands up. “But no, the precious Star of the Battle Nexus goes missing and suddenly it’s, ‘Oh, let’s send another yokai who can’t talk and has no legal rights straight into the waiting arms of the EPF!”
Raph’s hands balled into fists. Half the reason the Hamato Haven existed was to rescue yokai creatures who found a portal and wandered unwittingly into the human world. Some of the errant yokai were taken in by well-meaning humans. Some were picked off by city wildlife.
Some got caught by the EPF.
Mikey’s eyes widened. “The EPF has cameras all over the city. They’ll find it in no time!”
Raph’s mouth set in a grim line. “Donnie?”
“I’ll find it first,” he promised.
“Good. Okay.” Raph breathed out hard. “Mikey, finish with the animals and handle the customers. Today’s truck day; I’ll handle stocking. Leo will wrangle dad. Donnie will run surveillance.” He paused. “After you two shower. How exactly did you get covered in mud?”
The twins exchanged looks.
Leo grinned nervously. “What’s that, Donnie? The mud is overstimulating? How deeply unfortunate, better get that shower pronto, no time to chat –” He sliced a portal in the air with his katana and the two dove through it. The portal closed with a small pop.
Mikey frowned at the spot, though he looked lost in thought. Raph stepped over and nudged him.
“Hey, Donnie will find yokai before the EPF does. Besides, it’d be pretty stupid for the EPF to steal a government agent.”
“Stupid doesn’t mean they won’t.” He turned and hugged Raph, then peeked up at him with eyes that would melt a glacier. “If Donnie can’t find it by lunchtime, can I call Draxum and do a tracking spell with him? Please?”
“Hell yes,” Raph said flatly. “It’s his fault the agent’s here in the first place.”
“Aw yeah! Emotional blackmail for the win, babeeee!”
Lucy cawed in agreement.
After Leo finished showering, he portalled himself over to Splinter’s place.
Their dad had revealed himself to the world in rat form several years ago. It had been part of his plan to rescue the turtle tots from Big Mama. (It was a whole thing.) The reveal had been messy, but it worked. Splinter had access to his truly massive human estate, acquired over the years as Lou Jitsu. He'd used a some of his money to fix up Draxum's castle, but he'd also restored his own actual, physical estate. The land included a mile-wide yard filled with native trees and a creek that encircled a surprisingly small mansion. But the mansion just went down instead of sideways. It had two stories above ground and five below, low enough to connect directly with some of the larger sewers and a portal to the caverns near Draxum's castle. The mansion gave Leo and his brothers access to human and yokai worlds, but Leo and his brothers had originally grown up in the sewers. Until they went exploring straight into Big Mama’s clutches. Splinter had rescued them and brought them here to finish growing up, but the sewers would always be their real home.
It wasn’t as bleak as it sounded. The turtles didn’t fully belong to either human or yokai worlds, and sometimes the pressure to do so got intense. But in the sewers, they could play, claw, climb, and generally wreak havoc without worrying too much about whoever was watching. Even Splinter preferred the lower levels of his mansion, especially when he was feeling sorry for himself. One of his favorite haunts was the massive theater room three stories down. It had a projector screen the size of a semitruck and an attached bathroom and kitchen.
Leo portalled himself right in front of the screen. Sure enough, his dad was sitting in a pile of cushions, surrounded by a dozen kinds of cake.
Splinter shrieked and blurred. Only Leo’s preemptive dodge saved him from being kicked in the face. It didn’t quite save him from being near-choked. Splinter shot passed him, squealed as he headed straight for his beloved screen, and hooked an arm around Leo’s neck to break his own momentum. Leo landed flat on his shell. His odachi went skidding in opposite directions. Splinter landed on Leo’s chest and stared down at him, wild-eyed.
“You – how did – you can’t make me go back! I’m your father! I can ground you! I refuse to listen to that maniacal old goat –”
“Who said anything about going back?” Leo wheezed.
“ – and his measly attempt at…wait, really?”
Leo shrugged awkwardly. “You’re right. You can out-ninja my portals. I’m mostly just here to get Raph off my tail.” He craned his neck and his face lit up. “Oooh, you’re watching The House of the Women of Roses! In the original Spanish! Did you already watch Season 3? I’m only halfway through and I’m dying to see if Maribel found her cousin’s letter in the birthday cake. It’s the only way she could possibly find out about Sebastian.”
“Er…no, I’m on Season 2.”
“Whoops, spoiler.”
Splinter hopped off. Leo rolled himself over to the pile of pillows and grabbed the nearest slice of cake. Splinter settled very cautiously next to him. This wasn’t the first fight Splinter and Draxum had had. Usually Mikey would try to immediately reconcile them, Donnie would try to capture Splinter with an AI bed, and Raph lure him into a blanket trap with a freshly purchased cake.
All that sounded exhausting. And useless. Splinter was a ninja master. Couch potato or not, the old rat was still too fast to catch, even with Leo’s portals. That was fine. Leo really had come here to bring Splinter back, but he was in no rush. Leo could wait him out.
In the meantime, he really did love telenovas. He shoveled another bite of carrot cake into his mouth and sat back to watch the show.
Donnie sat cross-legged on his bed, freshly showered, surrounded by screens both technological and mystical. He and Leo had agreed never to tell Raph of this morning’s canned bean fiasco, with the full understanding that they would use it against each other at the soonest future opportunity. Now all he had to do was find a yokai of unknown species in a city of 8 million humans, a few thousand yokai, coyotes, red foxes, skunks, snakes, crows, pigeons, and bats. Simple.
Well. Simple if you were Hamato Donatello.
It was painfully easy to crack into the Big Heads' mystical security system. After all, their spells guarded against mystical attacks, not a blend of magic and technology. He’d planted a few bits of spyware the last time he’d hacked in, so he had an updated list of active agents, mystical signatures, and visual appearance. He ran the physical appearance data through a conversion program, turning the magically recorded data into 1's and 0's, then loaded everything into his facial recognition software. He had a backdoor into every street-facing camera in New York. He started running the facial recognition against the security camera films. He would have liked to just spy on the Big Heads conference room directly, since that would tell him exactly who they sent out, but Draxum had been the one to create their security wards and Donnie couldn't crack them without alerting him. Meaning that Donnie could absolutely crack them, but he didn't want another lecture on...whatever it was he was lectured on. Donnie never paid attention unless it was interesting.
Since his programs practically ran themselves, he pulled up a few screens to check on their little friends at the EPF. No unusual activity or reports yet, but there were a few juicy new files ripe for the taking on an unencrypted server. Donnie sent a few bits of programming to check for trapware, just in case, then –
Ding! A message icon popped up on his DisChord screen. It was from April O’Neil. They’d met years ago in an online game room, insulted each other with pinpoint accuracy, and became the closest thing to friends Donnie had ever had. He helped her get a crane license and she actively listened to all his rants on technology, capitalism, and ideal fabric textures. They even knew each other’s real names, though they had only chatted or talked online and had yet to meet in person. He opened the message.
Sherlock_Corn: Hey Donnie! U doin anything 2day?
He glanced at his other screens. Mystic spyware, security footage, and government files glowed back at him. He smirked.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Bold of you to assume I ever spend a moment idle.
Sherlock_Corn: like normal busy or i-could-solve-an-unexpected-problem busy?
Bootyyyshaker9000: I am intrigued.
Sherlock_Corn: i got a dog!!
Bootyyyshaker9000: I scoff at your mundanity. Intrigue retracted.
Sherlock_Corn: you would absolutely not say that if you saw this guy
Sherlock_Corn: [Error: File could not be sent].jpg
Sherlock_Corn: aw cmooon
Bootyyyshaker9000: I told you I’d make you a new phone.
Sherlock_Corn: u know what i am taking you up on that! then we can meet in person and I can show you my dog!!
Bootyyyshaker9000: I literally live in a pet store
Sherlock_Corn: great, then you can help me pick stuff out for him. i don’t have anything at all.
Sherlock_Corn: don't glare at me like that, he was gonan get hurt if i didn’t help!
Donnie had been, in fact, glaring daggers at the screen. He and his brothers spent every day selling products to people who made spur-of-the-moment pet purchases. They’d walk in with their brand-new pet with no idea how to care for it. Donnie had several powerpoints prepared for people like that. Raph made sure they sat down through the whole thing. And their shop still ended up caring for half of those pets when the owners dropped them off in the dead of night right outside their door.
This was also why, when people came into their shop to buy a pet, they were run through a very vigorous screening process. First by Leo, then by Mikey. Then Donnie. The three of them were…efficient. Raph used the word “terrifying.”
Bootyyyshaker9000: Do you know how often we help reckless individuals who “just got their pets”? Who just picked up a puppy or a kitten or a phoenix because it “looked cute”? Who expect us to make caring for it doable but not hard? Who DON’T EVEN STUDY THE POWERPOINTS??
Sherlock_Corn: D, I promise, this is different.
Bootyyyshaker9000: IN WHAT WAY. IS IT DIFFERENT.
Sherlock_Corn: he was in trouble. I could help, so I did. I don’t know of any shelter that would take him. But saving him makes him MY responsibility. When I stepped up, I stepped up all the way.
Sherlock_Corn: and I’ve been a dog walker and a dog sitter and my landlord allows dogs. which this guy legally is. so.
Sherlock_Corn: Please help?
Sherlock_Corn: I, April O’Neil, am asking for the help of an expert to properly care for my new dog. I have come to you, Hamato Donnie, for said expertise.
Donnie grumbled under his breath.
But…he knew April. (He had stalked her quite thoroughly before sharing his real name.) If she said she stepped up all the way, she had.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Minus fifty Donnie points for a spur-of-the-moment pet choice.
Sherlock_Corn: So you’ll help, O most intelligent and correct genius of our time??
Bootyyyshaker9000: CURSE YOU AND YOUR ATTEMPT AT FLATTERY
Sherlock_Corn: it worked tho <3
Bootyyyshaker9000: You’re a manipulative adrenaline junkie with no sense of refinement and bad taste in pizza. I am sending you six powerpoints and a quiz. Take the quiz to earn back your Donnie points and meet me at 50 South Euclid street at 2pm.
Sherlock_Corn: U DA BEST DONNIE
Bootyyyshaker9000: Don’t state the obvious.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Plus one Donnie point.
A blur of yellow caught his eye. He paused the scan of security feeds. It was the mouth of an alley right next to a seldom-used yokai portal. The screen showed a mammalian yokai with bright yellow fur. It looked small, with big tusks a fluffy yellow tail. He cross-referenced the description with the database, found the agent's name image, then forwarded it to his brothers in their phones’ group chat. They could all be on the lookout while his scans finished tracking the agent down. He’d barely finished when another notification popped up. The government files. No trapware detected. Donnie grinned with all his teeth and began digging gleefully into EPF secrets.
The flower they’d been riding in opened into a largish room with gray stone walls. For a horrible second, Leo thought they might be back in Big Mama’s dungeon. But the room also had a huge fireplace and several iron sconces, all of which lit up with cheery yellow flames. A plush rug filled the room. Two plush chairs and, oddly, a dog bed arranged around the hearth. Bookshelves and cabinets crammed the walls. There was an open doorway in one corner and two long, narrow windows on the opposite wall.
Donnie, still flopped over on Raph, stiffened. Leo stepped closer to Raph. Mikey shrank into Raph’s lap. The movement jostled Raph’s burns and he winced.
The sheep looked down, scowling. “Enough of that. We’ll treat your injuries in my lab –”
“Where are we?” Leo demanded sharply. His bad arm throbbed. The rug set his teeth on edge.
“One of my studies. Huginn! Muninn!”
The sheep guy shouted so sharply that all four of them jumped.
“Now, now,” Splinter said, patting Mikey’s head. “Those are our new lackeys. They went to retrieve your things from the lair. And fetch churros from my favorite vendor!”
The sheep’s scowled deepened. “That takes ages! Your favorite vendor is in Witchtown!”
He gestured emphatically at the windows. Beyond the glass panes was a sweeping field of grasses dotted with coral-topped hills. The Hidden City was visible in the distance. Leo couldn’t even see the Battle Nexus.
“They stay warm until you start to eat them!” Splinter retorted. “My boys and I need comfort food, not whatever monstrosity you cook up in those beakers of yours!”
The sheep scoffed and stalked over to the nearest cabinet, muttering things like “nutrients” and “squeamish” and “only had three eyeballs in the last one.” Leo craned his head, watching closely.
The cabinet was full of glass bottles and folded wax envelopes. Leo caught a whiff of willow bark and goo. A healer’s cabinet? What was a healer’s cabinet doing in a haunted castle?
Mikey whimpered. One hand was holding Raph’s shell spike. The other tugged on their dad’s robe. “Can we go home?”
“We are home!” Splinter stepped back and spread his arms, like he was the host on a game show. “Well – temporarily. Just until the mansion is finished!”
“Mansion?” Raph repeated. He was swaying. Leo pressed on his shell to steady him. The bites on Raph’s arms were trickling blood onto the rug. All of them were bleeding. The sight felt weirdly normal. They always got banged up after a fight and Leo never had time to fix them properly before Big Mama took him away.
“Yes, mansion!” Splinter was saying. “I amassed quite the estate as Lou Jitsu!”
“In the human world,” the sheep sniffed scornfully. He stepped over with an armful of supplies. A few prehensile vines sprouted out of the floor and began grabbing more. The sheep knelt in front of Donnie.
Donnie had slid off of Raph and was lying stiffly on the floor. He stared up at the ceiling like he was trying to burn a hole through it with just his mind. Leo recognized that look. He was close to a meltdown. Warning bells went off in Leo’s head.
“I got it,” he said, snatching a roll of gauze from the sheep man.
It wasn’t gauze. It was too smooth, and one side was sticky. It felt like a long roll of spiderwebs. It smelled faintly of disinfectant goo.
He made a face. “Ugh! What even is this?”
“A poultice made from willow powder, fireroot, and lark’s foot.”
Those…were pretty good ingredients. He’d stolen them from the healer’s supplies whenever he could. But he’d never tried to combine them. The thought was oddly galling. It seemed so obvious now.
He sneered. “Lark’s foot? You sure you didn’t mistake it for witch’s yarn? The leaves are practically identical.”
The sheep guy managed to look both impressed and affronted. “Baron Draxum does not make mistakes. I collected it myself.”
Leo gave him the worst scathing look he could. “Are you actually talking in third person right now?”
“Only Raph does that,” Raph said. Splinter was slapping sticky gauze on his wounds, but Raph’s hands were still free. He’d accepted a pot of goo from a vine and was smearing them on Mikey’s hands.
The sheep eyed Leo's arm. “You should –”
“I said I got it!” Leo tore off a piece with his teeth, and began pasting Donnie’s arms as fast as he could. It was hard to do with only one arm, but he managed. “Don’t bite me, don’t bite me,” he muttered under his breath.
Donnie didn’t react at all, but his arms felt like rock under Leo’s hands. His muscles had locked up. Why was he having a blowup now? He hadn’t had one in years. He hadn’t had one the whole time they were with Big Mama! Was it the mystics? The sheep guy? Leo cast a quick glance at the dude, who was inspecting Mikey’s gooped-up hands. Leo bristled. At least he wasn’t touching Mikey. There was no way he was letting Mr. Medieval Barry Dorkdom touch Donnie, either.
Leo switched to Donnie’s other arm. It had been years, sure, but Leo still knew all the steps to a meltdown. Step 1: Do Not Touch. Leo had been the only one who could ever bend that rule and he knew he was pushing it. Donnie didn’t like gooey stuff on a good day. Step 2: Silence. Could they go somewhere quiet? But he really didn’t want them separated in a new place. Especially when that place was a spooky castle. It probably had bats or ghosts or locked rooms or dungeons. Maybe all of the above.
“But why are we here?” Mikey asked. His voice was getting higher. “Why aren’t we going home?”
“Because I was legally dead!” Splinter said cheerfully, slapping more gauze on Raph’s arms. “Vandals made short work of my estate. It was quite a mess. Ruined carpets, litter everywhere, everything stolen. They even made off with my lifesize Lou Jitsu statue! But not to worry – I have ten years of royalties to repair the building. And coming back from the dead has done wonders for sales! I may write a memoir!”
Draxum sniffed. “Human wealth is a pathetic measure of accomplishment. I amassed centuries of knowledge, hundreds of tomes, thousands of successful experiments –”
Splinter’s fur bristled. “My boys are not –”
“Our boys, thanks to you!”
Mikey’s head turned back and forth, bewildered. “Did you really get married?”
“Only technically.” Splinter gave the gauze on Raph’s chest a final pat and turned to start on Mikey’s arms and legs. “You were my boys first,” he said firmly. “As far as I’m concerned, that goat has no claim on you. We’re only staying in this pile of rubble until repairs to the mansion are finished. Then we’ll live in style. Water slides! Home theaters! Gallons and gallons of ice cream!”
Donnie gave a full body shudder.
“Almost done, almost done!” Leo moved to Donnie’s legs. He wasn’t done, but he’d just do the biggest bites and leave the rest for later. He really hoped the eels hadn’t been venomous. His bad arm was really starting to hurt and he couldn’t move it at all anymore. He pushed the floppy limb away from Donnie and kept going.
Draxum bent over to inspect Leo’s work. He gestured. A magenta glow flickered over Donnie and Leo. It felt like nothing, but Leo tensed anyway. “You’ll need anti-inflammatories and an enervation potion for you arm.”
“Wow, I never would have guessed,” Leo said sarcastically. Splinter snickered behind him and Leo felt emboldened. “You can treat me when I’m done. If I say you can.”
“You will if you want to use your arm again,” Draxum said drily. “That is more pressing than the purple one’s injuries –”
“His name is Donnie,” Leo said sharply, almost baring his teeth. Only Dad could say their colors, not this wannabe sorcerer hack.
“Fine!” Draxum threw up his hands. “My point stands! Your brother is in no danger, he is simply mystically exhausted. He’ll require an extensive regime of energy therapy and nutrients.”
“No eyeballs!”
“There were only three, it’s extra protein!”
“Raph doesn’t understand,” Raph said faintly. He swayed harder – no, wait, he was just keeling over onto the floor. His head nearly hit Donnie’s shoulder and Leo blocked him with a foot. “Why aren’t we going home? Our real home?”
Splinter frowned. “The human world is our real home! Draxum proved I was myself, the human Lou Jitsu, so I could finally return. We don’t have to hide in the sewers anymore! Sure, there might be some paparazzi, but –”
The sheep guy snarled. The vines behind him cracked like whips. “‘Some paparazzi?’ You exposed all of yokai kind for this little scheme to work!”
“Did someone say ‘pepperoni’?”
Two massive black bugs flew in from the doorway. They each held leashes that pulled floating cardboard boxes behind them. The boxes had labels like ‘Blue’ or ‘Purple’ or ‘Lou Jitsu Trophies.’ Both bugs were also carrying what were clearly takeout bags.
“Huginn! Muninn!” Draxum snapped. “I told you, you don’t take orders from a B-list hack!”
“Excuse you?!” Splinter shrieked.
“Yeeeahhh, but he promised us dental,” the big bug explained.
“And pepperoni!” The pointy bug pulled his leashed boxes closer. An open pizza box was sitting on one of them. “We were thinking, ‘Hey, what rhymes with churros? Hueso’s!’ Don’t worry, boss, we got the meatlover’s special!”
“Churros first!” Splinter demanded. The spiky bug flew and began passing them out. It dropped one by Leo’s floppy arm and he got a good look at it.
They weren’t bugs. They were gargoyles. He had the sudden urge to laugh. Sure, why not? Everything was so crazy already. They’d all nearly died and Splinter had saved them and now they were in a gothic castle with some medieval goat who talked like a mad scientist. Why not throw in a couple talking Notre Dame extras? At least gargoyles fit the Spooky Castle vibe.
He scoffed aloud. “Meatlover’s? If you don’t get pineapple, what’s the point?”
The big gargoyle nodded emphatically and offered him a box. “That’s what I’m saying! Here, big guy, you get the first slice!”
“Enough!” Draxum snapped. Vines coiled out and snatched the goodies away.
“Hey!” Mikey yelped.
“You four have fought nearly to the death, and you require actual expert assistance! And the slider is about to lose that arm. Come here!”
He reached for Leo’s bad arm, which was dangling perilously close to Donnie.
“Wait wait wait!” Raph called, and Leo slapped his hand away, but fingers had already brushed Donnie’s leg.
Donnie opened his mouth and screamed.
It took hours for everything to calm down. When Donnie started screaming, Mikey started screaming, and Raph started screaming, and Leo figured he might as well scream, too.
That had the very pleasant side effect of making Draxum flee the scene as quickly as possible. Splinter panicked and hugged them (except Donnie) and then started treating them like they’d all gotten sick instead of injured. He told the gargoyles to bring soup, ice, blankets, and stuffies. In short order they were turtle-piled in front of the fire. Donnie had ice packed around his neck, armpits, and feet. Raph was holding about three dozen bunny stuffies and Mikey, who was holding a bright yellow puppy stuffy.
Splinter had tucked himself into the turtle pile so that Leo was in his lap. He’d sort of outgrown it, but he didn’t care. At that point Splinter had called Draxum back to fix Leo’s arm. Leo refused to let him touch it. His nerves felt like they were all on fire, oscillating wildly between hot and cold. Draxum told him that was the venom. Leo told him to stuff it. Splinter was delighted with this until Leo made his dad do whatever Draxum said. He knew he needed treatment. But if Draxum tried to touch him he started screaming bloody murder.
He didn’t even want to scream anymore. Donnie needed quiet, and none of them wanted to separate. But if Draxum touched him he screamed anyway.
“I need to touch you for this part,” Draxum said at the end, through gritted teeth. “The spell has to be drawn directly on your skin. A misspelled rune could cut the nerves, not repair them.”
“Dad can do it!”
Splinter looked pained. “Leonardo, my son…”
“Daddy?” Mikey raised his head sleepily from the circle of Raph’s arms. “Can you sing the bedtime song? Leo’s feelings are scared.”
“I’m not scared!” Leo whisper-hissed.
Splinter stroked his head. “Nen nen cororiyo, ocororiyo… Boya wa yoiko da, nen ne shina…”
Their dad’s voice was scratchy, but it softened when he sang. He hadn’t sung lullabies in forever. Leo’s insides felt watery and weird. He blinked a few times. He was dizzy, that was all. His arm really hurt.
Draxum moved toward him again. Donnie, curled up around Raph, slowly sat up. The icepacks were still around his neck and under his armpits. He looked so dorky and wet that Leo almost laughed. But Donnie’s eyes were watching Draxum. He looked bleary and half-asleep, but it still made Leo feel better. Donnie’s bite reflexes were always scary good. That helped as much as the lullaby.
Draxum drew on him. Leo watched intently, trying to memorize every stroke. He hadn’t seen mystic healing magic very much. He had no idea what Draxum was actually doing. He’d ask Donnie to research the sigils later. At least if it did anything bad right now, Dad and Donnie would stop him.
Draxum finished drawing and held up his hands. His palms glowed magenta. Leo held his breath.
If anything happened to him Dad would –
And then he was awake.
Leo swallowed a gasp. He didn’t remember falling asleep.
He was bundled in a blanket against Raph’s shell. The fire burned low. He was in the middle of a turtle pile. Their father sat in one of the poofy chairs. He was snoring. Pizza boxes and churro crumbs were scattered around him. The sound of crackling logs and breathing filled the air.
Was…was that it?
He sat up slowly and looked around. His head had been resting on Mikey’s shell. Donnie penned him in. He was lying on his back with his legs over Raph’s. Boxes from the lair were piled in the corner. A few were open, which explained where the blankets had come from. The light from the windows was a soft, twilight purple. The Hidden City glittered in the distance. Leo still couldn’t see the Battle Nexus.
Leo’s skin buzzed like there were bees underneath. That couldn’t be it. They couldn’t just fight for their lives for weeks and then go to sleep like nothing had happened. They weren’t even home yet. And that Draxum guy was nowhere in sight. Who knew what he was up to?
Leo got up carefully. He wasn’t too worried about waking Raph. He slept really heavily lately. Donnie, though, was always a light sleeper. Leo went slowly. His joints were practically creaking by the time he stepped out of the pile. Then he walked to the darkened hallway and looked out.
It was definitely a spooky castle, alright. The hallway stretched on either side. There were more iron sconces and a few windows here and there. Leo walked to the nearest window on the left. The sconce beside him lit up. The window faced away from the City. A half mile of grassy stuff stretched out in front of him. Glowing bugs zipped through the waving leaves. In the distance, black, rough rock piled higher and higher into the gloom. Was that the edge of the City? If Leo climbed it, could he reach New York?
He turned and kept walking down the hall. It branched, going left and right. Leo looked both ways, like he was crossing a New York street. He turned right this time and kept going. Sconces lit up and went dark as he passed. He tried to trick them, experimenting with moving slower or farther away, until he could slip by if he was fast and far enough. He wasn’t sure if Draxum knew when they turned on. He didn’t need the stupid goat to know where he was. Not unless Leo knew where Draxum was first.
He kept going. There were a lot of windows, except where the hallways turned to the heart of the castle. Leo stuck to the edges. There were lots of different rooms – studies, workrooms, kitchen, the bathroom. Leo took a minute to check that out. The toilet wasn’t made of teeth. It looked like a normal human toilet.
That…was weird, actually. And the kitchen had had human appliances, too. Were those here because of Splinter?
He turned another corner. The castle here was a lot rougher. There were cracks in the walls and piles of rubble swept clumsily into corners. A few staircases were walled off. Had this been an abandoned castle?
He felt draft on his face and turned to follow it. Another couple of hallways took him to a part of the castle that had broken open, like someone had smashed it with a wrecking ball. A big pile of rubble had been shaped clumsily into a wall. The castle extended several floors above him, but he was more interested in the view. Leo climbed the rubble.
He’d circled the whole castle until he was facing the Hidden City again. He could see massive buildings rising here and there – a fishhead theater, a few giant statues, buildings lit up with bright neon lights. But it was too far away to hear anything. All he could hear was the grass whispering in the breeze.
Leo let out a breath. Alright, so he hadn’t found the front doors. This was better. They couldn’t lock it. He didn’t see any mystic wards around, either. He scoffed to himself. Stupid. But it worked in his favor. No wards meant nothing could keep them from leaving. How far up was he, anyway?
He hoisted himself to the top of the pile to get a better look. The castle was on a piece of raised land, a little above the grass, but it wasn’t far. Maybe a two-story drop. There was a wide dent around the castle where there might have been a moat, but grass had filled it in. If they slid down it would make for a soft landing.
He looked out over the landscape again. The fungus at the top of the cavern glowed a misty yellow-green light. The air was cool and smelled like mint. Frogs and insects skittered and croaked in the distance. The light breeze swept continuously over the grasses, making them shimmer like a rippling ocean. The glowbugs flitted through the waves. It was like floating in a sea of stars.
Leo had a sudden sense of vertigo. He wasn’t sure if he was standing on land or in the sky. He leaned out into the night air, pressing his plastron into the rocks. He felt like he was going to throw up. Or float off. He pressed himself a little farther out. He felt his pants tear. He was still wearing the same black pants he’d worn the night they ran away. They were probably covered in river mud and dried blood. He hoped they ripped. He lifted one leg like he was going to climb out, scraping the pants as hard as he could against the rock.
Something kicked his other leg out from under him. He fell backwards with a shriek and tumbled down the rubble. He landed shell-first on the floor. His heart pounded from adrenaline. He scrambled to get his feet under him and glared up at his assailant.
“What the hell, Donnie?!”
His stupid genius brother was standing at the top of the pile, right next to Leo’s lookout spot. A blanket was wrapped like a cloak around his shoulders. He glared at Leo and raised his hands to sign.
“You left again.”
“I didn’t leave, I was just scouting!”
“You were being stupid,” Donnie retorted, picking his way down the pile. “Stop going off alone.”
“Blue?”
Light suddenly flared from the sconces down the hall. Donnie hissed and covered his head with the blanket.
Splinter, Raph, and Mikey had rounded the corner. Mikey was in front, holding a mystical orange compass in his palm. Did Donnie teach him to do that? Raph was holding Mikey’s shoulder, but he looked asleep on his feet, eyes shut and everything. He was cuddling a few stuffies in his free arm. Splinter brought up the rear. He still had cake crumbs on his face.
“Found him!” Mikey said, grinning. He clapped his hands, which smashed the glowing compass into orange sparks. “Oops.”
Raph patted his shoulder without opening his eyes.
Splinter rubbed his eyes. “What are you doing out of bed? You should be sleeping off your pizza.”
“I didn’t get pizza,” Leo said, annoyed.
“Didn’t get pizza?! No wonder you were awake! Don’t worry, I stashed a few boxes before those gargoyles could get them. We’ll all have a late-night snack. My favorite!”
“I don’t want pizza!”
Raph’s eyes cracked open. “You don’t? Why’re you up?”
“Because this is weird!” He flung his arms out. “Doesn’t anyone else see it?! We fought for our lives for weeks and now we’re just going to live in some random castle! Is this just our life now? We’re just going to live in fancy places and get paraded around by whoever? Are we going to be some goat guy’s science experiments next?”
Splinter’s fur actually bristled. “No,” he said, so firmly that Leo felt himself waver.
“Well…it’s weird,” he said, because he never knew when to shut up. “And you married him. You married some random goat guy with bad taste in interior design. Nothing makes sense!”
Splinter sighed, aggrieved. “It does if you watch The Wild Hearts of the Women of Sobbing Gardens.”
Leo had, actually, watched it. He watched everything their dad watched. He understood.
“I don’t have to like it,” he threatened. “And I don’t have to like a castle. Or a mansion. We lived our whole lives in the sewers and we turned out fine!”
“Oh, Blue.” His father gathered them in his arms, tugging Donnie by the edge of his blanket. Leo was snuggled closest to Dad. His fur was itchy and soft and it sort of made Leo want to cry. “My sons, I never wanted you to grow up in a sewer. If I can give you a better life, I will.”
It was weird to get so many hugs in one day. He wondered for just a second if his dad was doing this to just bribe him into going along with whatever crazy scheme this was. But Dad mostly bribed them with food, not affection. And all of his hugs, all of them, ever, were real. That’s what made them so special.
Leo tucked his face into his Dad’s shoulder. “A creepy castle isn’t better,” he muttered, to save face. “And this one has a mad scientist and talking bats. It’s infested.”
Mikey giggled. Donnie hissed in agreement.
Splinter barked out a laugh. “I will tell him you said that. It would serve him right! Now, it’s bedtime for little turtles.”
Mikey pouted. “’M not little.”
“You will always be my little turtles. Even if I have to ninja my way to your shoulders for head scrubs. And I will! Your father may be old, but he is still a master! And a silver fox! Take after my good looks, boys. You’ll go far in life!”
“That’s not how that works,” Leo complained.
But he let his dad herd them down the hall anyway.
Big Mama's Four Little Gems Chapter 7: Anatawa Hitori Ja Nai
AO3 link Tumblr Masterpost
Chapter 6 Chapter 8
Trigger Warnings: Trigger warnings: Child abuse, nongraphic child torture, child imprisonment, child exploitation, threats, animal attacks, animal harm (in self-defense, but still, a few eels get hurt or killed), dehumanization (implied treating the boys as animals and not people), attacks with murderous intent, child endangerment, wound descriptions (mild but multiple), some discussion of owning people.
Donnie hit, kicked, and bit. Whoever was carrying him had shoved him in upside-down and kept hitting him through the burlap. His bag swung into walls, elbows, and knees. He could hear Mikey wailing, Raph shouting for his brothers, and Leo still screaming for Big Mama. The bag was too hot and he couldn’t breathe.
It wasn’t fair. He’d worked so hard to get them out and they’d gotten kidnapped all over again. Raph’s shouting suddenly became a high-pitched scream of pain. Donnie gritted his teeth and dug his claws into the bag for leverage. He needed his grimoire. He could fix it. He twisted, trying to reach his pants.
The goon carrying him shook him up and down. “Hold still, little snot rag!”
Donnie thrashed, trying to reach, and his fingers snagged the edge of the pocket dimension. He pulled out the grimoire. It jostled as the bag swung. The goon punched him in the face. Donnie turned on reflex and bit down, hard.
“OW! You piece of –”
The goon grabbed the bottom of the bag and threw him out of it. Donnie’s teeth and claws were still embedded in the fabric. The momentum sent him in a fast half-circle, half-shredding the bag but still caught in it. The grimoire went skidding out of reach.
“Ha! Stealing from Big Mama? I’ll take that!”
The goon had dumped him in a jail cell. An actual, dark, dungeon jail cell, with dirty brick walls and blood-stained floors and bars on one side. The goon snatched the grimoire and strode out the door. Donnie disentangled himself and leaped after him, but the door slammed too fast. The bars hit Donnie’s head so hard he could feel his brain rattle.
“OW! Give it back! It’s mine!”
The goon, a spiky toad, sneered and held it out of reach. “Is it your diary? Huh? Does little Iolite keep a diary?”
He could hear his brothers in the cells to his left. There were thuds as their shells hit the walls. Mikey was crying. The goons jeered and taunted them.
“Here, look at him squirm!”
“Not so prissy now, are you, Lapis? Here for another time-out? You want to go back to the pit?”
“Gah – hey! Nearly bit me, the stupid brute!”
There was a crackling sizzle and Raph screamed. Ugly laughter cut over Mikey’s sobs.
Pressurized rage pounded in Donnie’s head. He twisted his fingers and a hexagonal prism appeared in the air. If he could ram it through the bars or walls –
BANG!
Donnie staggered backward. Wards he could feel but not see had shorted out his spell. His chest stung like someone had struck him with a mangrove tentacle. He clenched his fists, breathing hard. Of course. The jail cells were probably under the same wards as the one in Big Mama’s library. They stopped any spell that occurred within their limits.
But they could only stop the spell after it had been cast. Which meant he could still cast it, just not for long. Would the wards also reverse the damage?
The stupid toad was jeering and gloating. His brothers’ screams were deafening. He covered his ears and paced the width of his cell. Twenty foot-lengths, and his feet were 5.2 inches or 13.208 cm in length, therefore the cell was 264.16 cm wide. Assuming the walls were roughly 40 cm thick, he’d need a prism 344.16 cm wide, and since the hexagonal surface was composed of equilateral triangles –
He shoved himself into a corner and twisted his fingers.
A massive explosion blasted the walls open. There was no speed, it wasn’t technically an impact, it was just the effect of brick walls being forcibly relocated. The prism he’d made was two feet wider than the cell itself. There were shouts of panic and dust flew everywhere.
Donnie had a split-second to gloat before orange wards lit up on the ceiling. The spell cut short. The feedback punched all the air from his lungs. The prism cracked and vanished. There was the barest split-second where the walls gaped open, grungy bricks still falling from the holes. Donnie caught a glimpse of red and green in the hole to his left.
The bricks sucked back into the wall like a film rewinding. The walls sealed up. But not perfectly. There were giant cracks left behind. The sight made Donnie start laughing.
Donnie realized he was lying on the floor. The prism hadn’t hit him, he’d just collapsed from the exertion. He felt slightly hysterical. He was exhausted and angry and scared and hungry, but it had worked.
He rose slowly from the floor, still cackling like mad. The toad took out a metal stick and banged furiously on the bars.
“Shut up, shut up!” he bellowed. He cracked his dumb stick against the cell as if it was Donnie’s head. “You think that’s funny? SHUT UP!”
Donnie smiled very, very wide. “Make me.”
“You little –”
The goon reached for his keys. Two more goons joined him, snarling and pulling out their own weapons. Donnie raised his hands again.
“If anyone takes one step toward me, I will form a prism around your heart and sever your veins.” His voice was cold and he stared straight into that stupid toad’s eyes. “I don’t care that it won’t last. It only takes a millisecond to cut your arteries. Do you think the wards will heal you? Do you think they’ll repair the damage? Take a good, long look at those walls. And then think again. Now…” He took a step toward them, lowering his head like a coiled snake. The toad flinched. The other goons stepped back. “Bring me my brothers.”
“He can’t do that,” the second goon muttered. The third goon shifted uneasily.
The toad rallied himself. “I’m not listening to some stupid toddler –”
“Ten,” Donnie said coldly. “Nine. Eight…”
They brought him his brothers.
They didn’t do it nicely. One goon dragged Leo by the ankle. He threw him at Donnie so fast and hard that Donnie hit the back wall spine-first. It took him a second to remember how to breathe, which had probably been the point. Leo scrambled off of him. Donnie only let him go so he could catch Mikey. Raph came last. They didn’t throw him, he was too big, but they tried and nearly tripped themselves. It would’ve been funny if there weren’t burn marks all over Raph’s arms. Leo was instantly at his side, helping Raph to his feet.
“Raphie!” Mikey cried, scrambling over.
“Ow, ow –”
“Don’t touch,” Leo warned Mikey.
“Sorry! Raphie, I’m sorry, I can kiss it and make it better – I can – I c-can’t –”
Donnie got to his feet, glaring at the toad. The toad had sat his warty butt down on a stool in the corridor, opposite Donnie’s cell. The other goons hustled quickly down the hall, presumably guarding the entrance. Donnie debated murdering the guards anyway, except that he now had a splitting headache and even Mikey’s heart-wrenching sniffles felt like knives through his skull.
Leo was bringing Raph to the back wall near Donnie, and since Mikey was following, the sniffles got louder. They echoed off the walls. Donnie screwed his eyes shut and pressed hard on his temples. “Great Galileo, make it stop.”
Leo’s hands closed over his ears. His hands were shaking. Donnie kept his eyes shut, but he turned to face Leo and wrapped his arms around him. It was awkward. He didn’t care. He was exhausted and his senses were on fire and he needed the pressure. Leo pressed harder, which also kept his hands from shaking quite so much.
He felt Raph pull them into a hug. Mikey’s shell scraped up against his side.
“I want D-Daddy,” Mikey sobbed. “I don’t w-want to fight, I want to go h-home –”
“We’ll go home soon,” Raph soothed, but his voice was shaky and he stank of fear and pain. “Pops knows we’re here. He’s – he’ll come. I promise he’ll come.”
Donnie wanted to protest. Their father had come, apparently, and been ineffective. They’d had to get themselves out.
Fine. They’d done it once. They’d do it again. Donnie could fix it. He just needed everything to be quiet so his skull would stop trying to split in half. Then he could fix it.
“I want to go home,” Mikey whispered.
Raph sniffed hard, trying not to cry. “Me, too, Mikey.”
“What’s going to happen to Lolly?”
Raph flinched. “Um – nothing! Probably. He wasn’t there when her goons raided his burrow, right?”
Donnie gritted his teeth, eyes still shut. “Maybe he knew they were coming.”
“He didn’t.” Leo’s voice was thready and faint, barely there at all. His hands shook against Donnie’s ears. “It was me. They tracked the feather I used to…”
To stab that yokai in the eye.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Raph said quickly. “Right, Donnie? It was self-defense!”
Donnie forced his eyes open. It wasn’t all that bright, there were just a few dim torches on the walls outside the cells, but the light stabbed his eyes until his vision blurred. He made himself focus on Leo’s face. Leo’s eyes were dark, hollow, and haunted. Like all the light in him had been snuffed out.
Donnie went very, very still. How dare anyone make his twin look like that.
“I’m going to kill them.”
“No killing,” Raph said instantly.
Leo grimaced. “Donnie, I’m fi-”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“No killing!” Raph insisted. “Heroes don’t do that!”
“Lou Jitsu,” Mikey whimpered.
“How do you expect this to end, Raph?” Donnie snapped. Leo’s hand were still pressed over his ears. Donnie gripped his wrists, as much to keep the support as to offer it. Leo’s head was ducked low and the sight filled Donnie’s stomach with boiling acid. “We can’t sit here! She’ll make the fights worse and worse!”
Raph set his jaw stubbornly. “Raph knows, but she can’t make us hurt people!”
“What about all the animals she already made us fight? You didn’t have a problem punching that lava snake, or those stupid sand worms!”
“We were just trying to get past them! And Raph didn’t want to do that, either!”
“Hey!” The toad banged on the bars. Donnie’s headache was so bad that the sharp echo nearly made him pass out. “Shut up, you walking toadstools, or I’ll come in there and start cracking shells!”
Donnie snarled, but before he could reply, there was more shouting from down the hall. Multiple voices echoed against the brick walls. It sounded like they were coming from the corridor’s entrance. Mikey’s eyes widened.
“– know for a fact you’ve been skipping your shifts down here to gamble, don’t think I won’t tell Big Mama!”
A guard’s voice answered, irritated. “I don’t care what you tell her, orders say –”
“You will allow me to see my apprentice.”
“Saoirse!” Mikey cried, rushing to the bars. “Jorge, Saoirse! We’re here!”
The toad tried to hit Mikey through the bars, but Mikey dodged and then Raph was there, snapping his teeth. Donnie and Leo were close behind, though Donnie was leaning rather heavily on Leo. They didn’t get closer to the bars, but Mikey craned his neck, trying to see down the hall.
The guard grunted. “Fine! Fine, see if I care! But only one of you gets to go, and if you’re not back in one minute, I’m shoving the other one in a cell. I can guarantee you Big Mama won’t care where she got the extra fight fodder.”
There were footsteps. The toad turned, scowling, fist still gripping his metal stick. Chief Saoirse swept into view. She looked absurdly out of place in her crisp uniform and chef’s hat. She was holding a tray of muffins. Her tail lashed. She looked up at the toad with an expression so cold that Donnie half-expected him to turn to ice.
“Excuse me,” she said, and it was an order. The goon stepped back, slowly.
“Saoirse!” Mikey rushed up to the bars, reaching through with both arms. Donnie’s stomach lurched at the sight. His brother behind bars. “Saoirse, we – I’m sorry, we got caught, please tell Daddy, Saoirse –” He was crying again, hard. He started to hiccup and nearly threw up.
“Easy, easy!” Raph said hastily, rubbing his shell. The movement pulled his burns and Raph winced.
Saoirse set the tray down, reached into her pocket, and pulled out a napkin. She pushed her paw between the bars at Mikey.
“Blow,” she said firmly.
Mikey blew. He was still crying. She took out another napkin and unfolded it. A gooey paste was spread inside. She passed it to Raph. “For wounds on the outside.”
Raph took it and looked up hopefully. “Uh, Ms. Saoirse, can you –”
“No,” Leo said quietly. “She can’t.”
Saoirse reached down with her free paw and pushed the tray through a flap in the door.
“For wounds on the inside,” she said, quietly.
Mikey caught Saoirse’s paw and held on tight. He didn’t seem to have the air to cry. Saoirse watched him with lamplike eyes. Her gaze was steady and intense but she did nothing else.
Donnie felt a surge of disgust so sudden and powerful his stomach nearly rebelled. Leo had been right. No adult could help them. Either they were in on it, or they were powerless. What good was her comfort? She was utterly useless.
She squeezed Mikey’s hand. “I will see you again, apprentice.”
She stood slowly, giving Mikey time to let go. Mikey pressed right up to the bars until he couldn’t reach her anymore. The toad was saying something. Donnie couldn’t hear it over Mikey. He couldn’t hear Mikey over the buzzing in his head. The four of them watched as Saoirse walked down the corridor. The toad stalked after her, practically stepping on her tail.
Donnie was turned away. His mouth tasted like bile. What good were muffins? Was that supposed to be cute? A nice, nostalgic little interlude during their stay in hell? He didn’t care about cute. He needed results.
He ran calculations in his head. There were several spells he knew how to use without touching a diagram, but they took a great deal of energy since he was drawing solely on his own power. But he was exhausted from hacking the wards and from his recent bout of homicidal hexagons. Having a body was incredibly inconvenient. He needed rest, food, and time, all of which was in short supply. How many minutes of rest until he could cast again? If he did eat those stupid muffins, how many calories would each spell require? How much could he do?
He didn’t notice he was moving until Leo eased him to the ground at the back of the cell. Raph carried the muffins over. Mikey sat in Raph’s lap, carefully avoiding the burns on his arms. Mikey stared miserably at the food. Raph murmured to him while Leo rubbed the napkin goo over Raph’s arms. Then he picked up a muffin and handed one to Mikey, another to Raph, then to Donnie.
“It’s my favorite,” Mikey quavered, and broke down crying all over again. He was running out of tears, so it was mostly dry sobs and gasps.
Donnie glared at the muffins. They were, in fact, everyone’s favorite. Three for each of them. Cream-filled strawberry for Raph. Blueberry for Leo. Lemon and poppyseed for Mikey. Iced blackberry for Donnie.
“We should eat, right?” Raph asked, glancing at Leo. “It’s getting late, or early. I bet the fight is a few hours from now.”
Leo nodded. Donnie scowled at the muffin. Eating it felt like buying into Saiorse’s charade of comfort, but he needed the calories if he wanted to cast spells. He picked sullenly at the paper and watched his brothers instead. Raph was trying to coax Mikey into taking deep breaths so he could eat without crying. He lifted Mikey’s muffin –
“Wait,” Leo said suddenly, grabbing Raph’s hand.
“Lee?”
Leo glanced at the bars, but Toady still hadn’t returned. He peeled the wrapper off and held it up. There was writing on the inside.
We love you, Mikey!
Raph managed a wobbly smile. “Look, Mikey, a secret message! It really feels like we’re fighting the lizard queen now, huh?”
“Yeah…” Mikey took a deep breath and accepted the note from Leo. “Are there more?”
There were. Not on all of them, but on a few, written in different handwriting.
I made a new pastry for you!
Sorry we didn’t tell you about your Dad.
They didn’t find Lolly.
See you soon, Mikey!
I expect your return, apprentice.
Mikey pressed them all to his chest and took deep, gulping breaths.
Raph grinned and poked him. “You’re not gonna stick those in your shell pocket, are you? They’re covered in crumbs. You’ll get all moldy.”
“Nu-uh! They’re special, they won’t get moldy –”
Donnie rolled his eyes. His gaze fell to the plate. They’d piled the six blank wrappers on top. They’d been stacked up neatly, almost like a book –
He gasped and lunged for the wrappers. “Ink! I need ink!”
“Here.” Leo handed him a blueberry muffin. Donnie sank a claw into a big, juicy berry and began scratching eagerly at the first paper. Brilliant. He was absolutely brilliant! And – maybe – so was Saoirse. He’d memorized everything in his grimoire, everything he’d read in the library. He could rewrite at least some of his spells!
He heard Leo murmur to Raph. They sat knee to knee so that they were blocking Toady’s view of Donnie when he finally came back. Not that Donnie cared. He drew careful lines on the sticky paper with utmost concentration. It took a while, because the blueberry juice was thick and his claw wasn’t really quill-shaped. But he kept going. He could fix this. He could give them a fighting chance.
Leo spent the next two hours pressed up against Raph, trying frantically to think of a way to appease Big Mama. He couldn’t. There was nothing he could do from a jail cell. He needed to talk to her. Could he convince the guards to bring them to her? No – he had nothing to bribe them with, and nothing they’d want to hear. Except maybe screaming. He put the thought in a box and ignored it.
Whatever came next, she’d probably still make them do the Opening Act. They had too much media coverage and too many fans. But she would probably start a new series. That was dangerous. She always made changes to Leo’s suggestions, but at least he’d had an idea of what to expect. Now he didn’t. She wouldn’t just make it harder, either. She’d want to punish them. What would she do?
She’d kill Raph or Leo.
His body felt numb. He knew he was right. She’d said she had plans for them both. She wouldn’t kill them both at once, though. The Kappa Gems made to much money to kill half of them in one go. But killing just one? It would be dramatic, add to their tragic backstory, and punish whoever was left alive. She’d want control over it, too. That meant she’d find a way to target one of them specifically. Who?
Raph was a brawler. Powerful, but common. He always protected them from the biggest monsters. Losing Raph would –
Leo pressed his face into Raph’s shell.
Big Mama had to aim for Leo. She’d blame him for their escape attempt. The pit wouldn’t be punishment enough for something that bad. She had to pick Leo. Please, let it be Leo and not Raph.
“Cut it out,” Raph mumbled.
Leo jumped. He’d thought Raph had fallen asleep, leaning against the wall. Mikey had curled up in his lap like a cat. Raph’s eye had cracked open to look at Leo. He realized he was leaning partly against Raph’s burned arm.
“Sorry.” He leaned away.
Raph lifted his arm and scooped Leo halfway into his lap. “Cut it out,” he repeated. “You’re thinking too loud. That’s Donnie’s thing.”
“I’ll trademark it someday,” agreed Donnie from the floor.
Mikey opened a bleary eye and poked at the nearest muffin sketch. “Can I have one?”
“Sure, if you want to explode. They backfire if you don’t pronounce them right.” He tucked the drawings into his pocket.
Voices sounded from down the corridor and they all fell quiet. The toad, who had fallen asleep, jerked awake. Two goons stalked into view. It was Jerry and Oswald. It was almost a relief to see them, just because they were familiar. The shocking sticks in their hands were familiar, too.
Leo gave the sticks a pointed glance. “I don’t think that’s standard babysitter gear. Are you two done pretending?”
Jerry ignored them. “Get them out,” he told the toad.
The toad smirked and approached the bars.
“Hey Donnie,” Leo said lightly. “If the toad touches us, bite him.”
Donnie smiled very, very wide. The toad left them alone.
Jerry and Oswald led them down the corridor and up a wide set of stairs. Open doorways on either side led to more jail cells. Leo didn’t look left or right. He stuck close to Raph, but he kept his chin high and his gait smooth. He’d had lots of practice walking with Big Mama. Jerry wasn’t nearly as scary. His brothers clustered behind him. Oswald brought up the rear.
After a minute they reached familiar, more public hallways. The usual plush carpet squished under their feet. The draperies and chandeliers glittered cheerfully. Goons and caterers were everywhere. Leo caught a janitor’s eye and gave him a cheeky grin. They waved at him, eyes wide, and nudged their coworker.
That gave Leo an idea. He didn’t have time to convince Big Mama not to hurt them. But what if he got the crowd to like them instead? Enough that hurting them, at least for today, would be a bad idea. He’d need to increase their rating by a lot.
It all came down to the fight. The costumes would at least give him an idea of what they were facing. Then he could start planning.
They reached the tailor’s office – and walked right past it.
Leo’s stomach tightened. “We’re not changing?”
Jerry scoffed. “You want to dress up, princess? Big Mama says you’re in costume already. Now shut up.”
Leo fell back and glanced at his brothers, who looked equally puzzled. They were still wearing their regular black pants, scuffed up and dirty. Raph’s arms were shiny with the burn cream. Leo’s thoughts spun in circles. A thread of worry worked its way out of its box. What were they supposed to be dressed for? A gladiator fight?
Jerry and Oswald ditched them at their usual spot, in the short dim tunnel just outside the arena. They shut the door behind them. On the other side of the tunnel was the thick stage door.
Raph drew them into a huddle. “What’s the plan?”
“We have to make the audience like us,” Leo said urgently.
Donnie shot him a scathing look. “He meant to get out of here.”
“Daddy comes to our fights,” Mikey added. “Saoirse said he always comes. He can take us home if we can get outside.”
“Yeah,” Raph nodded. “The audience just likes it when we get punched. Raph’s done getting punched! Time to do the punching!”
“You don’t get it!” Leo hissed, half-panicked, half-angry. “If we don’t do what Big Mama wants –”
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!”
Big Mama’s voice boomed even through the stage door. Leo tensed. Mikey grabbed his hand. Donnie gave a low hiss.
“HERE’S TO A BEAUTIFICOUSLY BLOODY DAY AT THE BATTLE NEXUS! AND TO OUR FAVORITE OPENING ACT – BIG MAMA’S FOUR LITTLE GEMS!”
The stage door cranked open. Leo didn’t want to go. But he couldn’t keep the audience waiting. He strode boldly into the light. His brothers hurried to follow him.
The arena had been turned into a riverbed. The river began in a deep pool underneath the starting platform, then cut diagonally to the other side. The close side of the river was lined with grassy hills. The far side was lined with cattails. Everything was comically oversized. The smallest pebbles were the size of dinner plates, the grass reached over their heads, and the reeds on the far side nearly reached the top of the arena wall.
Even worse were the monsters. The pool beneath them swarmed with massive fanged catfish, each twice as long as Raph was tall. Green-striped eels as long as small boats churned the river into a frothy mess. A few of them leaped out of the water to attack each other, turning the froth a sickening pink. Huge rats as big as small cars darted in and out of the grass, their bright red fur leaving singed trails behind them. The reeds didn’t move, but Leo was sure something was lying in wait for them, hidden in the shadows. The four massive TVs above the arena showed a close-up of each fight zone – the pool, the river, the grass, the reeds.
He looked across the arena to the opposite platform. The exit was framed with the canopy from their bed. The beaded spiderweb glistened as if oiled.
“BIG MAMA’S FAVORITE GEMS HAVE RUN AWAY! BUT THE WILDERNESS IS A DANGEROUS PLACE FOR LITTLE TURTLES. CAN THEY MAKE IT BACK TO BIG MAMA IN ONE PIECE? OR WILL THE CREATURES OF THE WASTES PROVE LESS FORGIVING THAN BIG MAMA? INTRODUCING OUR NEWEST SERIES – WILDERNESS RUNAWAYS!”
The crowd roared. Or maybe that was just the sound of Leo’s pulse in his ears. He felt something in his head snap.
She’d set up the arena to look like an actual turtle habitat. Like Leo and his brothers were just wild animals. It didn’t matter what she did to them, because they weren’t people. They weren’t even dolls. They were animals. She might as well have designed the whole arena like a circus and made them jump through fiery hoops.
And the crowd was eating it up. Of course they were. They were here to watch the Kappa Gems fight for their lives. It didn’t matter what Big Mama did to them. It didn’t matter if they jumped through her hoops or died. As long as the crowd got a show, no one cared about what happened to them. How had he thought that pandering to the audience would help them? They literally bought into Big Mama’s games. He’d known that. He’d known it since day one. And he’d still bought into it because he was scared.
The four massive TVs that hung over the arena showed a close-up of Leo and his brothers. He saw his own face. He didn’t look like a scared little kid. He looked older. And angry.
“Leo!”
Raph was gripping his shoulder. From the sound of it, he’d called Leo’s name a few times.
Leo set his jaw and turned his back on the arena. “You guys were right. Playtime’s over. We’re leaving.”
“Great!” Donnie whipped out three of his muffin sigils. “I’ve got lightning, explosions, and good, old-fashioned arson. Pick your poison.”
Mikey grinned viciously. “Let’s do flambé!”
“All of the above,” Leo said decisively. “We’ll blast or climb out and meet Dad at the wards. Donnie can –”
“THE LITTLE GEMLINGS SEEM TO HAVE COLD FEET! NOT TO WORRY, THEY’LL GET THEIR FEET WET SOON ENOUGH!”
A grinding noise sounded above their heads. Leo looked up. Part of the wall peeled back, leaving a six-foot hole. A massive pipe emerged. A torrent of water blasted them apart and into the water below.
Mikey went down so hard and fast he hit the side of the ledge and inhaled water before he hit the lake. He tumbled and choked. He would have screamed if he hadn’t instinctively popped into his shell. Which made breathing harder, and then more water was flooding in because he hadn’t had time to shut the lid. He coughed and popped out of his shell.
Something banged into his back. Then something else hit him from the side. Pounding water hit his whole body, but he was spinning and he couldn’t tell which way was up. A giant shape shot toward him and suddenly a huge catfish had its jaws open around Mikey’s head. He yelled and jerked back, punching its chin so hard its mouth snapped shut. It swung its heavy tail at him and sent Mikey several feet through the water. Mikey yelled again, because yelling kept more water from getting in. His lungs burned. He still couldn’t tell which way was up and there were more shapes darting all around him. One turned to aim for him. Was it the same fish? It swung sideways at him. Mikey twisted, expecting to grab it by the tail.
It wasn’t the fish – it was Raph! His brother powered through the water like a seal. He caught Mikey around the waist without even slowing down. Giant catfish darted around them, raking their fangs and long tentacles through the water. Raph dodged and barrel-rolled. It would have been cool except that Mikey really needed to breathe. His lungs spasmed and the effort not to cough made his whole body hurt. A catfish banged off of Raph’s shoulder and hit Mikey with its tail. Mikey clamped down and screamed as much as he could.
They burst to the surface. Mikey was still screaming, which turned quickly into coughing and crying all at once. Raph was coughing hard, too. Big Mama’s voice boomed over the arena, but it was all blurry from the water in Mikey’s ears. He almost missed hearing Leo shout.
“Get out of the water! Now, hurry, they’re coming!”
Mikey was still hacking up his lungs but he forced himself to turn. Raph and Mikey had popped up a few feet beyond the waterfall. They were drifting slowly toward the river, where the green-striped eels were churning up the surface. The churning was getting closer.
“Ra –” Mikey tried, but he was coughing so hard he threw up. Raph pushed Mikey onto his shell and started swimming so fast Mikey nearly missed grabbing Raph’s spikes.
The striped eels had reached them already. Mikey was expecting something like a rubbery fish mouth, or fangs, or maybe rows of shark teeth. Instead, one of them leaped out at Mikey and latched onto his arm with a mouth like a razor-sharp cookie cutter. Mikey screamed and punched it, then twisted to smash it against Raph’s shell. There was a faint pop, almost like bubble wrap, and the eel went lip. Mikey shuddered and yanked it out of him. It hit the water and several eels immediately tore into it.
Distantly, the crowd cheered.
“We need to cross!” Donnie called out.
He and Leo were struggling a few yards away. They were all only halfway out of the deep water area. The striped eels were still pouring in from the river. The catfish lurked on the other side. The catfish seemed wary of the eels, but they were still staying way too close to Mikey and his brothers. Their long whiskers curled and uncurled, trying to sneak closer. Mikey looked around quickly. Crossing to the reeds meant going through the striped eels. The grass side was closer, but the catfish were in the way.
“CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO SETS OF PREDATORS!” Big Mama announced gleefully. “WHICH ONE WILL MAKE A SNACK OF MY TURTLEY-BOOS?”
The striped eels decided for them. Several of them went for Raph at once, biting at his arms and legs. Raph screamed. Mikey screamed, too. He tried to grab them but they were too slippery, so he punched and smashed as many as he could. Raph’s blood turned the water pink. They were everywhere – they were eating him –
Bright purple light suddenly filled the water around them. Mikey looked up. Leo was punching fish away while Donnie made prism after prism, trapping the cookie-cutter eels inside.
Some of them were not trapped inside. Some of them were cut in half. Mikey saw heads and tails spray blood, jerking in death throes before they were swarmed by the other eels.
“OUR EVER-INVENTIVE IOLITE SHOWS HIS DARK SIDE!” crowed Big Mama. “HOW MUCH CARNAGE WILL THE BLOODTHIRSTY BROTHER LEAVE IN HIS WAKE?”
Donnie looked stricken. “I – I didn’t mean –”
“Swim, swim!” Leo cried, shoving at Donnie.
Raph turned and started swimming for the nearest shore. The purple prisms bobbed around them like angular bubbles. The catfish lurked underneath. Mikey growled and shoved the prisms in the way like shields. There were still lots of striped eels, dipping and leaping around the prisms, but they were staying farther away. Mikey thought maybe the catfish would eat them until one of their long tentacles hit Raph’s leg. Raph lurched, twisting away with a sharp grunt. His arms worked faster. Mikey didn’t understand why until he ducked his head below the water. The tentacle had left behind a long string of bruises.
Another tentacle grazed Mikey’s face and his left cheek went numb. Mikey jerked back with a gurgled yell and slapped it away. His hand went numb. Dumb, that was dumb! He dodged the next tentacle instead.
A lot of catfish had clustered by the shore, probably hoping to sting them on their way out and then drag them back down. Mikey scowled at them and shoved a prism in front of Raph. Raph grabbed it and all but threw it at the catfish. Mikey didn’t know you could throw things that fast underwater. The fish scattered, the prism embedded itself in the shallows, and Raph used it like a stepping stone to jump onto land.
Immediately Mikey scrambled off and they turned to help their brothers. Donnie was right behind him, now pulling Leo, but they weren’t moving fast enough.
“Raph’s got you!” Raph called, running back into the water to pull them out. Mikey followed with a shriek of alarm, swim-sprinting in circles to punch or shove the catfish away. The tentacles stung his hands until the bruises crawled halfway up his arms. Big Mama was talking again. Mikey yelled to keep from hearing and punched harder.
Raph pulled Donnie and Leo onto the shore. Donnie collapsed, panting heavily. The purple prisms all popped at once, releasing a frenzy of fresh movement into the water. Mikey scrambled out and turned to Leo. He gasped.
Leo had bruises sprinkled everywhere, but the worst was his right arm. It was bruised from shoulder to fingers and it was starting to swell.
“Leo!” Mikey cried, rushing to his side. Raph was already helping him sit upright.
“LOOKS LIKE LAPIS IS DOWN A LIMB! WILL THE KAPPA GEMS BE DOWN A BROTHER?”
Donnie groaned, still face-planted. “Does she ever shut up?”
Leo croaked out a laugh. He’d turned a weird ashy color. “Hey – Mikey, that doesn’t help!”
“MMMMWAH!” Mikey said, extra-obnoxious.
Back in the cell, he’d cried when he couldn’t kiss Raph’s burns away. He wasn’t crying anymore. He knew the kisses really did help. Like Saoirse’s food, it healed on the inside.
He rushed over to Donnie and covered his brother’s giant forehead with kisses. Donnie hadn’t meant to kill the eel. He needed lots of kisses to heal that one.
Donnie squirmed but didn’t move away. “Ew, ew, saliva, ew –”
The grass rustled around them. The four of them froze. Mikey looked up nervously. The grass was taller than a house, and whatever was moving in it was big. Oh – right. Rats. Really, really big rats.
Little whisps of smoke were coming closer.
“Can you get up?” Raph asked, supporting Leo’s back.
“It doesn’t hurt.” Leo stood up shakily. “We need to reach the reeds. We can climb out.”
Mikey edged a little closer to Donnie. There was definitely a pair of eyes peeking through the grass over there. “Um, can we use the prisms?” Mikey asked. “We could stack them like stairs! Or use them like floating saucers and fly out!”
“Flying saucers,” Donnie corrected. “And no. I can’t make that many.”
More rustling. Leo eyed the grass anxiously. “What about your drawings?”
“Three left. Two fire, one plant. The rest got soaked.”
“Okay, let’s –”
Four massive rats charged out of the grass. Each of them was the size of a small car with burnt-orange fur and razor-sharp claws. They screamed with rage. Sparks flew from their mouths. Mikey yelled. He and his brothers scattered.
“OH, MY! THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE FOR IOLITE! HOW LONG CAN LAPIS KEEP HIM OUT OF HARM’S WAY?”
Mikey whipped around. Had Leo and Donnie gotten hurt? But there was a rat in front of him and he leaped back to avoid getting his arm chomped. He heard Donnie shouting and Leo’s breathless yelling, telling them to get to the river. Mikey was boxed in by the tall grass. He feinted left and then tried to climb straight over the rat. Its fur flickered and sparked like living flames. His hands were numb from the stings, so it didn’t hurt, but his pants caught fire. The rat snapped its head around. Mikey popped his head into his shell and rolled off, flailing. When he popped back out, he was surrounded by all four rats.
A fireball exploded over Mikey’s head. All four rats looked up sharply, eyes sharp and glittering. The ball landed in the nearby grass. The grass lit up instantly and the rats shot toward it. Mikey’s rat got there first. It practically body-slammed the fire, squeaking and thrashing. Mikey scrambled to his feet – was it hurt? Could be pull it out by its tail?
The rat burst into flames.
Mikey screamed. His whole body seized up. The rat was dead. It was still writhing, but it was dead, it was dead, he’d killed it –
Just as the other rats reached it, there was a loud, smoking pop. All the fire disappeared in a shower of sparks. In the middle of the scorched earth was a much smaller rat, sitting in the middle of a large crystal circlet. The circlet had cracked in half. The rat sat up. A flicker of fire ran over its fur as it shook itself. Then it hissed at the circlet and bounded off into the grass.
Mikey stared. The rat…was enchanted? The whole time?
Now that he was looking for it, Mikey could see a shadow on the other rats where their collars sat beneath the fur.
Suddenly Raph’s arm was scooping him up and they were running away. Mikey twisted around. The other rats hurled themselves at the remains of the fire, twisting and scraping at it. Their fur flickered and sparked, making the collars glow faintly, but none of them cracked. The remains of the fire sputtered out.
“Wait! We have to help – Donnie!”
Donnie and Leo had gathered at the river. Leo’s arm was turning a sick-looking purple, but at least he was upright. Donnie was draped over him like a wet rag. He didn’t look hurt, but his eyes were half-closed. He looked about two seconds from passing out.
“We just have to cross the river,” Leo muttered, but he couldn’t get close. The striped eels were frothing at the water’s edge. Some of them were leaping out, their cookie-cutter mouths gaping greedily. Raph smacked them away.
“We need a bridge!” Raph panted.
Donnie pulled out his last two bits of paper. His hand was shaking. Leo steadied his wrist and Donnie dropped a paper. Mikey caught it.
“I can make vines,” Donnie rasped. He sounded like he’d had a bad fever for days. He pressed the paper to the ground. “Tlatokaj xocomecatl.”
Leo, still holding his wrist, yelped in surprise. A vine shot up from the paper. It was nearly as wide as Mikey and it was wreathed in blue and purple sparks. It arced over the eels, sprouting purple leaves as it grew. Some of the eels tried to eat the vine, but whenever a spark touched them, the eels thrashed and fell back.
“Sorry, eels!” Mikey called.
Raph smacked another one away. “Mikey, they want to eat us.”
“It’s not their fault! They’re hungry!”
The vine reached the other side, but its growth had slowed. The purple sparks were nearly gone. By the time it took root in the opposite bank, only the blue sparks were left.
“I’m gonna throw up,” Donnie said, and vomited straight into the river. The eels swarmed the spot. Raph yelped and dragged Donnie back.
“HOW UNSIGHTLY! BUT THESE CHURLISH CHOMPERS WON’T SETTLE FOR CHUM – THEY’RE AFTER TURTLE SOUP!”
“She really doesn’t shut up,” Leo muttered. He passed Donnie to Raph. “C’mon, we’re nearly there.”
Raph eyed the bridge. “Is that gonna hold?”
“It’ll be fine, we’ll just go fast. Mikey, come on!”
Mikey had turned back to the grass. The rats had been digging around the burned dirt, looking for a stray spark. Mikey was pretty sure that the collars were making the rats big and mean, and that they didn’t like it, and that fire broke the collars without hurting them. In fact, he was pretty sure they were supposed to be on fire. Why else would they be smoking and sparking like that?
“Mikey!”
The rats couldn’t follow them across the bridge. So Mikey had to help them first and then he could go. Donnie said he’d had two fire spells and one plant spell, and he’d already used one of each, so Mikey knew for sure that he was holding another fire spell. He’d even heard Donnie yell the fire spell. But if he mispronounced it, and it exploded, that would be fine, too! Explosion plus fire would make more fire, right?
Leo grabbed his arm just as Mikey lifted the drawing.
“ACCENT FLAMBÉ!”
Donnie screeched. “Don’t! That’s not how it –”
BOOM.
Raph’s shell stung from the explosion. He’d tried to grab for Mikey. He wasn’t sure he made it in time to protect him, but he was at least holding all three brothers when the force of it hit his back. They were thrown into the river.
He bobbed up quickly. The whole grassy side of the river had gone up in flames. Huge burning blades of grass fell around them like tree trunks. The crowd was cheering wildly. Raph coughed. He had burns and cuts and whole chomps taken out of him. The moving water scraped his wounds like red-hot salt. An eel darted past him and he flinched, but they were all fleeing from the heat and flames.
“Guys!” Raph gasped, raising his brothers higher above the water. “Guys, wake up!”
Donnie had livened up in the water, but he and Mikey still looked dazed and tired. Leo’s face was twisted – Raph had bear-hugged his brothers and squashed his bad arm. Raph immediately loosened his grip. Instead of wiggling free, Leo pointed with his head.
“Get the bridge!”
The vine’s roots had been blown up in the explosion, but the other end was still anchored to the reedy banks. The rest of it was floating on the surface of the water. Raph shifted around to grab it.
Another explosion hit his back. Raph yelled and tried to cover them. Ash and sparks hit his brothers anyway. Mikey yelped and covered his eyes. Donnie and Leo ducked underwater, but sparks still hit their shoulders and backs. That hurt worse than Raph’s own burns. Raph was the big brother, the brother who was biggest. Why was he still not big enough?
Big Mama was saying something. Raph could barely hear her over the ringing in his ears. He shoved Donnie up on one shoulder. Leo grabbed Mikey with his bad arm and hung around Raph’s neck with his good one. Raph pulled them hand-over-hand along the bridge. Another explosion hit his back. He pulled harder.
The last explosion hit just as they reached the opposite bank. Raph looked back in time to see a normal-sized rat vanish into the flames, its fur glittering with live sparks. The explosion hadn’t hit the stands, but maybe it had hit something else, because even the air beyond the arena had turned bright orange.
Raph pulled them onto the sandy ground. The fire was dying down and the eels were coming back. One of them darted in to bite at Leo’s bad arm. Raph punched it straight down. It floated back up, stunned.
Donnie stirred. “I hate eels,” he muttered.
Mikey’s eyes teared up and he started to sniff.
Raph stood. This side of the bank was a lot smaller, and so thick with reeds that he doubted they’d be able to walk through them at all. But Leo had been right. They were so massive they nearly reached the top of the walls, where the crowd was still exclaiming over the fires. The big TV screens over the arena showed close-ups of all their injuries. Raph swallowed. They really looked awful. Could they even make it up the wall?
“There’s something in there, right?” he said nervously, eyeing the reeds, “Raph didn’t see anything, but there has to be.”
Mikey nodded. “I bet she enchanted something like she did to the rats. It’s not their fault!”
“I hate rats, too,” Donnie said viciously. “We’ll fight whatever it is.”
Raph gave him a dubious look. “That would be a lot more convincing if you weren’t a soggy noodle right now.”
“I can bite! I can always bite!”
Raph shook his head. No, he couldn’t. And Leo was down an arm. Mikey’s hands looked just as bad. Raph would have to fight whatever it was. Could he? Was he big enough? What if he couldn’t and his brothers got hurt worse?
He looked to the right. There was a very narrow path between the river and the reeds. They could just walk along, not touch the reeds, and jump straight up onto the finish platform. The spiderweb beads dripped like strings of drool. Raph shuddered.
“MY LITTLE GEMS FACE SUCH TERRIFICAL TERRORS,” Big Mama. Her voice was coy and silky, like when she tried to touch Raph’s scars. “WILL THEY BRAVE THEIR LAST BATTLE, OR COME BACK TO BIG MAMA?”
“We’re not going back,” Leo said, glaring up at the giant TVs. He held up his good arm for Raph to take. “Right, Raph? We just climb the wall and get to Pops.”
“Right.”
Raph felt dizzy. He gritted his teeth. He was big enough. He was the big brother. The brother who was biggest. He could do this. He reached down to pull Leo up.
Leo’s bad hand hit something.
They looked down. Hidden in the reeds was something long and pointed. For a split second, Raph thought it was a rock. Then the smoke began pouring out.
It wasn’t a rock, it was a long, pointy beak. It was the smoky ghost heron that had chased them through the halls! He pulled Leo away and leaped forward in the same movement, trying to punch the beak. His hand went through its smoky leg. It was growing fast. Its beak rose up on a long, feathered neck – and kept going up. It was way bigger without a hallway to pen it in. Purplish smoke filled out its body until it looked almost solid in places, but in others the smoke swirled and darkened like thunderheads. It looked like it was wearing poofy clothes, or maybe jewelry, but the smoke kept changing and swirling. When it finished growing it was even taller than the arena walls. It was at least as tall as a four-story building.
Donnie and Mikey gasped. Raph backed up. His foot hit Leo. His brother had frozen solid. He stared up with wide, dark eyes, his mouth clamped shut like he was holding back a scream. The heron looked down. Its blank, smoky eyes zeroed in on Leo. Raph tensed.
The heron’s beak speared down.
“NO!”
Raph moved. He was tired and hurting and he still moved faster than he’d ever moved in his life. He was small enough for the heron to swallow him whole. It didn’t matter because it was Leo in trouble. That was his little brother, and Raph was the bigger brother, he was big enough, he had to be big enough –
Something fizzed through his whole body. Air whooshed past him.
THWONG!
Raph blinked. Leo stared up at him, stunned. His face was red. Raph thought for a horrible second that it was blood, but it wasn’t. Everything was red. Leo’s face, Raph’s hands, the ground, even Donnie and Mikey. All of them stared at him. He looked up.
They were all inside an enormous turtle prism made of glowing red light. When Raph moved, so did the turtle. He flexed his claws and the light-turtle ripped up the bank and a good chunk of reeds. The striped eels bit at the light-turtle’s fingers, but nothing hurt. It wasn’t even a tickle. Their razor-sharp teeth broke against the light.
“Whoa,” he breathed. “Raph didn’t know he could do that.”
Suddenly Donnie gasped. “Raph, stand up! Now!”
He stood up. The top of his light-head smashed into the heron’s beak. It had been coming down for another strike. It gave a weird, echoing cry and stagger sideways into the water. Raph nearly staggered with it. When he’d gotten up, his own body had stayed in the light-turtle’s chest. And he was hovering way up high in the air!
“I’m big!” he exclaimed. He was a third as tall as the arena wall. It was like driving a skyscraper. “I’m huge!”
The heron bunched itself up and lunged. Raph grinned fiercely and punched it with an uppercut as hard as he could. He wasn’t quite used to where his light-body was, so it was off-center, but it was solid enough to send the bird stumbling back. Its right wing came around and hit Raph in the chest. He stumbled into the wall. A big chunk of rock broke off and some of the crowd screamed. Raph bent down and scooped it up. The rock was as big as Raph’s actual body, but the light-turtle picked it up like it was nothing.
“Catch!” he shouted, and threw.
The rock went right through its smoky body. Raph yelped and dodged another strike.
“No fair!” he shouted. He punched its beak again. The bird’s head snapped to the side.
“Punch the beak!” Mikey cried.
“Got it!”
The heron was really tall. Raph couldn’t reach the beak unless the bird bent down, but the heron kept trying to stab him with it, so that wasn’t a problem. Raph dodged, twisted, and punched. It started using its wings, too, which was cheating, because it could hit Raph but Raph couldn’t hit back. Then Raph got a lucky shot on the tip of its beak. Its head snapped sideways and buried itself in the arena wall.
The crowd gave a mixed cheer. Raph realized he hadn’t heard them in a while. He hadn’t heard Big Mama, either. His head buzzed. He was breathing hard. His lungs felt like jello. His light-turtle wavered.
“Raph!” Leo yelped. He, Donnie, and Mikey had gathered by the wall. When the heron’s beak hit the stone, a lot of rock and rubble rained down on them. Raph hurried to block it with his light-hands.
The bird pried itself free. Raph grabbed the beak before it could fully stand up.
“Cool off!” he snapped, and twisted with his whole body. The smoke-bird flopped straight into the water. Water and smoke apparently didn’t mix. The bird’s back half dissolved in a shapeless cloud. The striped eels jumped through it, trying to bite it. That stirred it up even more.
The heron squawked and lurched up on its wing-arms. It was still taller than Raph like that. He stepped back. It looked freaky dragging itself, like some kind of bird-ghost-zombie. Then it aimed for Raph’s actual body. Raph turned sideways and its neck shot past him. Before it could recoil, Raph spun and drove his light-hand straight through the back of the bird’s head. It hit the beak and he rammed it into the ground as hard as he could.
“Stay down!” he snapped. The crowd roared. He ignored them. His lungs felt really weird. Everything felt weird. The world shimmered like he was in a heat wave.
“Raph!” Leo shouted. “Raph, pick us up and climb!”
He shook his head to clear it. “Yeah! It’s okay, Raph’s got you!”
He half-stumbled over and scooped up his brothers. He wasn’t quite big enough to hold them with one hand, but each of them grabbed a finger, which helped. Raph’s vision was getting blurry. He turned to the wall and nearly banged into it. He shook his head again and dug his claws into the stone. It was easy. He just had to stay awake and it was easy.
“Everything’s okay!” he told his brothers. His voice sounded funny. “Raph’s the big brother, brother who is biggest!”
Raph started climbing. He rammed his toes in to make footholds. He’d climbed lots of ladders back home. This was practically the same thing. The crowd was doing a lot of cheering, or maybe screaming? Some of them started throwing sodas and food at him. Big Mama was talking, and then Leo was talking. Raph’s head was starting to spin. He was sort of doggy-paddling in the center of the construct.
He just needed to reach the top of the wall. And then keep going. Pops was outside, right? He just had to reach him. Pops would fix it. Raph just had to keep climbing.
He reached the top of the wall and pulled his head and shoulders over. He’d tucked his brothers to his light-plastron to keep them from getting hit with stuff. That brought his brothers even closer to his real self. Mikey was patting his light-chest and saying something. Donnie’s head snapped up and his eyes widened.
That was all the warning Raph got. A shadow fell over him and the bird slammed down, hissing and stabbing harder than ever. The impact still didn’t hurt, but it sent a shockwave through Raph’s whole body.
He yelled and tried to hold on, but the light wavered and he lost his grip. The four of them tumbled back down. Raph curled himself around his brothers to shield them from the impact. They hit so hard they bounced. His brothers went sprawling across the flattened reeds.
“Guys!”
“We’re okay!” Mikey gasped.
Raph got to his hands and knees, but the light wavered again and something slammed into him from the side. The bird was kicking and punching. One kick scraped long tears in the reeds right next to Leo, who screamed and rolled. Raph threw himself over his brothers.
“LOOK OUT!” Donnie screamed.
The next kick flipped Raph shell-first into the wall. The light shattered like glass. Raph’s lungs turned to liquid. He couldn’t breathe. Static filled his head. He was still falling when the beak came down again. It hit his chest just to the right of his heart, and then kept going, driving him deep into the ground until he heard his plastron crack.
It felt like getting split in two. Sharp red pain cut Raph’s whole body in half. His vision went black and then white. He couldn’t even scream. He thought maybe his brothers were screaming.
The bird’s head pulled back for another strike. It had stabbed Raph so hard that it actually lifted Raph up for a second, stuck on the end of the beak like a speared fish. The harsh yank tore through Raph like white-hot lightning until he wondered if he really had been torn in two. He was definitely screaming. His hands scrabbled uselessly at the beak. He could actually feel the point of it embedded in his muscles, scraping on raw nerves. The crowd cheered so loud it felt like thunder.
CRACK.
The heron’s beak sliced in two, straight across the middle. Raph fell to the ground with a thump, propped up on some broken reeds. The bird's smoke body exploded around him. A blur of gray fur cut through it, tail lashing.
“Pops,” Raph wheezed.
“My sons!”
There was a lot of screaming. Raph’s head felt fuzzy. The point of the beak was still stuck in Raph’s chest. Suddenly faces were crowding over him. His brothers…and his dad.
“Oh, Raphael.”
Raph wanted to cry. His dad looked older. There were white streaks around his ears. His clothes looked different, too. He was wearing a blue robe. It looked new. Their dad never got new clothes. He even smelled different. Clean and sort of flowery. Was Raph dreaming? What if it wasn’t real?
Then his dad reached down to cup his cheek. His hands were still the same. Cool and slightly scratchy with rough, calloused palms. Raph’s breath hitched. Real. It was real. Pops was here.
“MY, MY!” Big Mama’s face suddenly filled the four big screens over the arena. “IF IT ISN’T MY SNUFFLY-WUFFLYKINS! YOU STILL HAVE A FLAIR FOR DRAMATIC ENTRANCES!”
“Not now, Lena!” Pops snapped.
“Pops.” Raph’s whole face screwed up on its own. He tried not to cry; any extra movement made his chest hurt worse. He could still see half of the beak poking up out of his plastron. “Am I…gonna die?”
“NO!” Leo snapped, but his face was all pale and scared.
“No, no, of course you won’t – can you fix this?”
Raph blinked. He thought maybe Pops had been asking Leo, because he turned his head, until he heard someone else speak.
“My expertise is in alchemy, not healing.”
“Then what good are you to me?!”
Raph craned his head. A really, really tall yokai was lowering himself toward them, standing on a platform of living vines. He had a moment of vertigo, thinking that maybe Donnie had summoned him with another plant spell. But the vines were almost the same mauve color as the yokai’s fur. He had weird sheep ears and a long, flowing blue robe. It was the same shade as Pop’s.
“Stay back!” Leo leaped to his feet. Donnie sort of slouched over Raph and hissed at the yokai. Mikey clung to his father’s neck and scowled.
Their father laid a hand on each of them. “No, no, let him through to heal Red! He will not hurt you. And if he does I will divorce him!”
Mikey blinked. “Divorce?”
“Or blind him! I’ll think of something!”
“Charming,” the sheep said drily. He stepped down from his vine platform and gestured. A smaller vine sprouted next to Raph and curled around the stuck beak.
“Wait – won’t the blood come out?” Leo asked quickly.
“I doubt it. His plastron is quite thick.” He glanced at Raph. “I’m told this hurts less if you do not look.”
Big Mama’s voice boomed through the arena. “TSK, TSK! I’LL THANK YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY RUBY. I HAVE MY OWN HEALERS TO LOOK AFTER MY FOUR LITTLE GEMS.” On the screen, her smile widened. “AND MY FAVORITE CHAMPION. I KNEW YOU’D WANT A FAMILY REUNION EVENTUALLY. I SUPPOSE I CAN FORGIVE BREAKING MY WARDS, SINCE YOU’LL EARN SO MUCH FIGHTING AS A COMPLETE SET!”
They were still going to fight? They couldn’t fight. His brothers were hurt. Raph had gotten stabbed. The vine coiled tighter around the beak. He felt light-headed.
Pops leaped to his feet. “My sons are not soldiers! They are children! And you stole them from me!”
She tutted. “THEY’RE MY CHILDREN NOW, BIDDLY-BEAR. I FILED THE PAPERWORK MYSELF.”
“I filed, too,” Pops said. He pulled a scroll from inside his robes and held it up. “For marriage!”
There was a second of silence. Raph stared at Pops. His brothers stared at Pops. Then they all looked at the sheep guy.
“This morning,” the sheep guy said, gesturing to his blue robes. He didn’t look happy about it.
The crowd broke out in excited murmurs.
Mikey leaned forward. “Are you –”
A rattling hiss filled the arena and several people screamed. Raph looked up. Big Mama leaped out of her box and onto the balcony. There was a swirl of black and purple magic, then her human form was gone and they was a ten-foot spider lady in her place. She had eight glowing eyes and a huge abdomen and thick hairy legs.
“Oh, sweet Linnaeus,” Donnie said faintly.
Big Mama landed on the far wall of the arena. Her mandibles dripped with drool and webbing. Her eyes glittered with rage.
“HOW DARE YOU! YOU PROPOSED TO ME!”
She leaped. The balcony cracked with the force of her jump. She was a blur, but Pops was so fast it looked like he’d teleported. He met Big Mama mid-leap with a kick to her stomach. The thump was so loud it echoed across the whole arena. The crowd went wild.
They fought. It was hard, fast, and deadly. Raph squeezed his brothers close, shaking. Leo screamed encouragement, and Donnie shouted insults. Neither Raph nor Mikey made a sound. Big Mama was way, way faster than anything they’d ever fought. She kicked and clawed with all eight legs and spat gobs of webbing like bullets. She wouldn’t kill Pops, would she? What if she did? Would she kill them next?
“Oh, honestly,” the sheep-guy muttered. “He’s just dragging this out to make a point. Dramatic as usual.”
“A point?” Mikey said nervously. “But…she…”
“No, he’s right.” Leo’s voice was harsh and his eyes were fixed on the fight. He looked intent, but he didn’t look scared. Raph relaxed the littlest bit. “That’s our dad. Lou Jitsu, the undefeated Nexus champion.”
He really was right. Pops was dodging all of her attacks with ease. When he did strike, he kicked or punched her just enough to spin her around without actually hurting her. Big Mama hadn’t landed a single blow. In about ten seconds, he’d gotten her to weave a huge web spanning the whole arena.
Two gobs of web suddenly shot at Raph and his brothers. Pops caught them bare-handed and lobbed them back. The webbing exploded against Big Mama’s chest and abdomen, pinning her to her own web. She screeched with rage. Her legs scrambled, but she was stuck fast.
“He did it,” Donnie breathed. He was right next to Raph’s ear, or he wouldn’t have heard him. He sounded all thin and shaky.
Raph knew what he meant. Raph had been expecting some awful, epic battle. Something that matched the terror of the arena. Brutal. Bloody. Deadly. Instead their dad had ended the match in under a minute. The crowd went absolutely crazy.
“I missed that part,” Pops said wistfully, glancing up at the crowd.
Raph stared up at his dad. He opened his mouth – and the vine tore the beak out of his chest.
Shock and pain stabbed all the way to the back of his shell. He screamed. His brothers screamed. Donnie and Mikey scrambled to cover him. Leo all but threw himself over Raph’s plastron.
Pops was by Raph’s side in an instant. “Red! My son!”
“Oh, stop, he’s fine!” the sheep snapped. “I did it when he wasn’t looking!”
Tears poured down Leo’s face. “Don’t! Don’t touch him, get off –”
“I’m okay,” Raph managed, gasping. He found, to his surprise, that he really was. He couldn’t quite catch his breath, but he grabbed Leo’s hands and pushed them away from the wound. There was almost no blood. As much as it hurt, his plastron had been thick enough to stop most of it. The beak had barely reached the muscle underneath.
Pops sagged with relief. He cupped Raph’s face in his hands. Raph leaned into it, squeezing his eyes shut. Tears leaked out anyway.
“Oh, my precious Red…my boys…”
Big Mama was still writhing in her web. “DON’T YOU DARE TURN YOUR BACK ON ME! I’M THE MOST POWERFUL YOKAI IN THE CITY! THAT MANIAC COULDN’T KEEP TRACK OF FOUR LITTLE TURTLES, BUT I TOOK THEM IN AND MADE THEM WARRIORS! I COULD MAKE ALL OF YOU CHAMPIONS! AND YOU WOULD CHOOSE A FOOL LIKE THAT OVER ME?!”
Pops glanced back coldly. “I was a fool to choose you at all. Enough, Lena. Know when you have lost.”
He gathered the four of them into his arms. Raph was too big for a wrap-around hug. He’d been too big since he was four. But somehow Raph felt small and safe anyway. Leo turned and hid his face into Pop’s fur. Donnie pushed Mikey toward the middle of the hug and held perfectly still, leaning in. Raph swallowed hard. He wanted to cry, but he felt so tired. Everything felt far away and blurry – the crowd, the arena, even Big Mama.
“Come, my sons. We are going home.”
The sheep guy gestured. A giant magenta flower blossomed around them, closed its petals, and pulled them into the earth.
Side note: The plant spell was the phrase “Grow vines” in Nahuatl (Eastern Huasteca) by google translate. Let me know if the translation’s wrong. I didn’t want all the spells to be in Latin – there’s plant-y of other languages to choose from! Anyway! We got our happy ending!! There will be one very short chapter to wrap things up emotionally, and then the fic will be officially completed. See you soon!
Trigger warning include slight gore, mostly canon-typical violence, child captivity and kidnapping, some claustrophobic descriptions. Please see end notes for spoiler-y details.
Raph woke up to the twins shaking his shoulder. He was ready to bite their hands off until he saw Leo’s face, all flushed like he’d been crying. That woke him up fast.
“We’re escaping,” Leo whispered. “We can’t wait for dad anymore.”
“Daddy?” Mikey mumbled, still half-asleep.
Donnie nodded. “I think I can break the wards. Or explode them, one of the two.”
Mikey brightened. “I like flamboyant!”
Donnie grinned with all his teeth. “I’d say you mean ‘flambé,’ but in this case, you are correct.”
“No fires,” Raph said promptly.
Leo waved his hands for attention, keeping his voice low. “I know most of the way out. First we need to get rid of the guards.”
“With fire?” Mike and Donnie asked hopefully.
Raph smacked their heads. “No fires!”
“We’re gonna knock ‘em out.” Leo held up a few bottles from his stash of stolen medicine. “Mikey, wanna help me spice these?”
Mikey’s eyes lit up. “Yeah!”
They were ready pretty quickly. They collectively decided to wear their matching black pants – they’d gone all their lives without clothes, but now it felt weird. And Donnie’s pants had the pocket spell. Leo and Mikey played mad scientist with medicine while Donnie and Raph collected everything they wanted from the room – Donnie’s grimoire, Raph’s kinetic toy, Mikey’s paints, Leo’s extra medicine supplies. They stuffed everything in Donnie’s magical pants.
“What else do you have in there?” Raph asked.
“Nothing! Definitely nothing dangerous or semi-lethal!”
Raph sighed.
Leo explained the plan. The first part was fast. When they were ready, Raph banged on the bedroom door until the owl stuck his head in. Leo unleashed Mikey and Donnie, who launched themselves and bit every part of the guards they could reach. Leo and Raph climbed the guards’ backs and cracked two bottles of Instant Sleep Potion under their noses. Raph nearly got smacked in the face with Oswald’s wing, but he’d dodged worse in the arena. He dug his fingers into the feathers and all but smacked him in the face with fumes. Leo did the same to Jerry. The goons dropped like rocks.
Mikey wriggled from under Oswald, sitting out a few feathers. “He doesn’t taste like chicken,” he decided.
“Great, great, we gotta move!” Leo said impatiently. He took off down the hallway, Donnie at his heels. Raph scooped up Mikey and ran after the twins.
Raph recognized some of the turns they took as the way to the Healer’s ward, but then Leo took a hard left and suddenly everything looked different. The walls looked like they’d been painted gold and they passed lots of conference rooms with long polished tables.
Then they got to a hallway with paintings of yokai everywhere. They didn’t look like fighters. Raph thought they looked kind of like Renaissance paintings of stuffy old guys. Some of the paintings had stands with glass cases under them. Raph couldn’t see what was inside.
He caught up to Leo. “Where are we?”
“Big Mama brings investors here,” Leo panted, barely loud enough to hear over their pounding feet. “Don’t look at the cases.”
“Why not?” Mikey asked.
“Just don’t.”
“But –”
“Shh!”
They reached a corner and Leo slowed to a stop the rest, of them piling behind him.
“No guards?” Raph whispered, looking around.
“No need. Donnie.” Leo gestured to the space in front of him. Donnie stepped forward and touched a claw to the air. Light rippled outward, revealing a sigil that spread across the entire hallway, vibrating ever-so-slightly like a spider’s web. Raph shivered. Donnie opened his mouth –
“Well, well.”
A shape materialized off the wall. Raph, Mikey, and Leo immediately grouped themselves defensively around Donnie. The shape resolved itself into a yokai. He looked halfway between a chameleon and a toad, draped in dark green robes. His head was absurdly huge. His skin shifted from matching the golden walls to the pattern of a slimy rock. His eyes rotated independently, one fixed on Leo, the other clearly checking for guards. His split its lips to sneer, and his mouth was nearly as wide as Raph.
“What do we have here?” he asked, stepping slowly closer. His long tail curled towards them and Mikey snapped at it. “Escapees? Appetizers? I recognize you, little morsel. Big Mama’s favorite.”
Leo scowled. “We’re not escaping, we wanted a snack and got lost.”
One of its eyes glanced behind Raph at Donnie. Raph bristled. His sneer widened. “Well, don’t let me stop your little urchin brother. A little birdie told me there are some very interesting things down this hallway. In the meantime, perhaps I should put Big Mama’s little doll back in its dollhouse.” The yokai reached for Leo’s face.
Leo smacked the arm away. “Excuse you, I’m an action figure. Don’t touch me or you’ll learn the difference.”
“You heard him,” Raph growled. Mikey climbed up on Raph’s head and hissed. Behind him, Raph heard Donnie frantically muttering under his breath.
The yokai practically oozed closer. Raph half-stepped in front of Leo, teeth bared, eyes flashing. He didn’t like hitting things, but he’d have no problem hitting this creep. The way it talked to Leo set Raph’s teeth on edge.
The yokai leered at Leo. “Action figure? Ha! The way she dresses you up and parades you around, while you smile like a fool…you know what she calls you?”
Leo stiffened. “Shut up.”
“Why not? You’re her wretched little pet –”
Suddenly there was a purple flash so bright it felt like lightning. The yokai shrieked, covering its eyes. It didn’t hurt Raph, Leo, or Mikey; they’d all been facing away. By the time it recovered, all four of them were sprinting down the hall.
“YOU LITTLE –!”
Raph felt the breeze and shoved the twins down right before its tail snapped at the air where they’d been. The tail swept sideways and hit Raph instead. Mikey tumbled off of his shoulders. Raph went flying and his shell hit one of the stands against the way. The glass case shattered, raining shards down his arms.
“You wanted a midnight snack? So do I!”
The yokai’s toady mouth opened wide, wider, unhinging, showing four rows of barbed teeth. It dove for Mikey. Donnie launched himself at Mikey, already curling over him. Raph scrambled up, but he was slow, way too slow –
Leo landed on the yokai’s massive head, jamming something long and blue into his bulging right eye. The yokai squealed with rage and pain. Raph landed on his back, pinning his arms to the floor. Leo tumbled off but took his weapon with him, leaving the eye wound spurting blue-black blood. Leo pulled out his Instant Sleep Potion and poured some straight into the thing’s mouth. It gurgled, then slowly collapsed.
Raph let go of the squishy arms and backed away towards his brothers. Mikey made gasping noises and popped into his shell. Donnie scooped him up. Leo was frozen, staring at the yokai. In his hands was a long blue feather, dripping with dark blood.
“Leo?” Raph asked. He reached out to touch his brother’s shoulder. Tremors ran up and down Leo’s arms. He dropped the feather. It looked silvery now, not blue, and it made a small thunk when it hit the floor.
“I –”
Donnie gasped and pointed at the case that Raph had broken. “Look out!”
Among the shards of glass was a large, mummified claw. It was right under a painting of a falcon yokai. As they watched, dark purple smoke began to pour from the claw. It billowed upward, forming the shape of an enormous falcon so huge it was forced to duck against the ceiling. Its beak was curved like a razor-sharp scythe. It let out a shrill cry.
Raph stumbled back. “RUN!”
He grabbed all three brothers and bolted. Another web-like sigil glowed in front of him. Donnie shouted something. It cracked like glass and Raph smashed through it head-first. Red-hot nails dragged over his scales, like the broken ward was still trying to grab them. Then they were through and Leo was shouting directions.
“Left! Left! Go straight! Run straight at the door, it’s an illusion, keep running!”
Raph could hear the magic smoke-falcon gaining on them. He heard the sound of wingbeats in a too-small hallway and even more crashes. Donnie broke two more wards as they ran, but now Raph was starting to hear shouts. The hallways wouldn’t stay empty for much longer.
Something huge stabbed down into the marble floor, cutting between Raph and Leo. It was a heron, with a long beak and blank, ghost-white eyes. Leo let out an awful scream. For a panicked, white-shock moment, Raph thought the heron had stabbed his little brother. Raph spun and punched the beak as hard as he could.
It was made of smoke, but somehow his fist connected. The heron actually staggered into the wall. Its beak was bent at a funny angle and it shook its head, but Raph was already reaching for Leo. Leo was sprawled over the floor. He was so pale that his red stripes stood out like blood, but he was fine, he was fine, there wasn’t any blood –
“MOVE!”
A huge purple hexagon shot overhead and smashed into the smoke monsters behind them. Raph felt the falcon’s wings brush his scalp. Mikey was all but slapping Raph to get his attention, and Donnie was yanking Leo to his feet.
Something flashed past Raph’s face. Another feather. For a second, Raph thought it was from the smoke falcon, but it was a very recognizable blue-green. It danced through the air like it was blown by the falcon’s wings, spiraling around his head and then up to the ceiling.
“We gotta go up!” Raph shouted, following the feather.
“There!” Donnie pointed. Up ahead, on the ceiling, was an inset square that looked like a maintenance vent. The vent opened and a pair of familiar paws reached through.
A smoky tail tipped with spikes suddenly lashed around them. Raph hopped it like a jump rope and glanced back. At least a dozen massive, smokey shadows filled the hall behind them.
“Hot potato!” Raph called. Mikey popped into his shell. He dropped Donnie and Leo, then spun for extra momentum and launched Mikey’s shell at the vent as hard as he could.
One of the falcon’s smoky purple wings came down on the floor like a club, cracking the stone, but Raph had already leaped for the nearest wall. He and his brothers parkoured their way up, their claws scoring the golden walls. Mikey’s shell had already reached the vent and Lolly had pulled him through. Donnie reached it next. He fell a few inches short but Mikey caught his wrists. Leo leaped after them, narrowly dodging the foot-long fangs of a massive smoky cobra. Raph landed on the cobra’s hood and leaped up at the last second. Leo and Lolly pulled him through.
The vent was barely tall enough for Raph – Lolly had to crouch – but it was plenty wide enough. Lolly shoved the vent back in place. The smoke monsters slammed at it, but they were too solid to fit through. That didn’t stop them from trying. Lolly pushed the four of them in front.
“Go, go, follow the feather!”
Then the five of them were half-running, half-skidding down the smooth metal surface. Lolly’s blue-green feather was still ahead of them. It barely glinted in the gloom, but a word from Donnie and suddenly it shone like a miniature star.
“Run faster!” Raph gasped. Mikey tripped and nearly went down. Raph caught him and tucked him under one arm like a football.
Leo dropped back to Lolly. “Can you get us to the wards?”
“Are you crazy? You can’t get past those!”
“Yes I can!” Donnie huffed.
“Ugh – fine! Jump!”
“What?”
“JUMP!”
There was an opening on the left side of the tunnel. Lolly jumped through. Raph and his brothers followed. They fell through darkness and open air. Raph opened his mouth to yell and then realized he heard rushing water. He took a breath just as he plunged into a fast-moving river. He didn’t let go of Mikey, but he doubted his youngest brother had known to take a breath. He fought to get to the surface only for his shell to scrape stone. A tunnel? Some kind of sewer? Those could go miles without breathing spots!
Before he could panic, the tunnel shot them out into slower-moving water and he bobbed to the surface. He lifted Mikey as Lolly and the twins surfaced around him. Mikey’s head popped out. He was coughing and half-choked with sobs.
They’d been swept into a river that passed just outside the Battle Nexus walls. It was nighttime, with just the faintest glow from the cavern moss high above. The Nexus itself was quiet. Most of the windows were dark, and only the occasional lantern lit the top of the wall. When Raph glanced back, he saw a large pipe leading from the Nexus wall to the river. It was sort of like the sewage system back home. Raph had a weird sense of vertigo from the familiarity.
His eyes traced the river. It flowed into the Hidden City. It was only Raph’s second time seeing it, and it was dark now, but it was still cool. It was full of mish-mashed building styles thrown together on narrow cobblestone streets. Some of the taller wooden buildings with curled roofs were strung with soft white lights. There were some iron street lamps here and there. It looked almost like a human city. Did that mean there was a sewer they could hide in?
Wait – they were outside the walls! Did that mean they had made it outside the wards? He felt a second of relief before his shell hit something invisible. Donnie and Leo grunted – they’d hit the same barrier. Lolly drifted right past them. So Donnie had been right. At least one of the wards was just for them.
Donnie tried to claw at the wards, but he was struggling to tread water at the same time. “I need a better grip on this –”
“Over there!” Leo called, swimming. There were purple posts marking out the boundaries of the wards. There was a little piece of the opposite shore just inside the posts. They could climb onto it while Donnie did his mystic stuff. Raph swam towards it. Mikey stayed perched on Raph’s shell. Lolly followed close behind. They pulled themselves onto land.
Then noises caught his ear. He pulled himself onto the land and looked back. Goons were running around at the top of the Nexus wall, yelling and waving their hands. It didn’t look like they’d been spotted yet.
“Last call to back out,” Lolly whispered.
“No.” Donnie dug his claws into the air. Sigils lit up around his hands. There was instant uproar on the roof.
Lolly cursed and threw something. Raph barely caught the glint of more blue-green feathers before they hit the wards at multiple places, lighting up the glowing walls of magic that surrounded the Nexus. The feathers morphed into shapes – round, turtle-like shadows that flitted and flickered at the edge of the light.
Leo’s eyes widened. “Decoys!”
Lolly gave a crooked grin. “Buys us a little time.”
Raph eyed the goons nervously. It looked like some of them were readying weapons. “They’re gonna shoot us! Donnie!”
“Shut up,” Donnie hissed.
Raph shut up. When Donnie’s claws first touched the air, three layers of wards lit up – orange, yellow, and white. Donnie whispered under his breath, scratching new purple sigils on the walls before plunging his hands in. The circular sigils of the innermost ward blurred and rotated like gears, slowly rolling back to form an opening. Too slow. Raph huddled closer, squeezing his fingers together.
Something whistled. An arrow plunged into the water at their feet. Mikey yelped and Raph pushed Mikey behind him.
“Donnie!”
“Shut up!”
Donnie started on the second layer of wards. Another arrow hit the surface, even closer. More lights appeared on the wall. When the hole was barely big enough for Raph to fit, Donnie pulled white chalk out of his pockets and jammed them in to hold the sigils in place. The chalk lit up purple – and so did the marks on Donnie’s shoulders. Leo hissed and leaped forward to cover them with his hands. Lolly pulled out paint and started slathering Donnie with it.
There was a shout from the wall. Raph looked up and saw the unmistakable silhouette and gleaming eyes of the owl goon, looking straight at them.
“I-it’s okay, Mikey!” Raph squeaked. He stank of fear. Mikey whimpered.
“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon!” Donnie hissed. The lights on his shoulders were flickering between Leo’s fingers, throwing Donnie’s frown into harsh shadows.
Doors were opening along the Nexus wall.
There was a purple flash and an opening appeared in the ward, barely wide enough. Donnie stood back, hands still pressed to the ward. “Now! Go!”
Leo was closest. He scrambled through and yanked Mikey after him. Raph went next and nearly got stuck, but Lolly dumped the paint pot on his spikes and Raph got through. He reached back and grabbed Donnie’s wrist, yanking him out.
They all but crawl over each other trying to get through. Raph goes last and grabs Donnie’s wrist, yanking him out. Donnie hit the ground and his magical chalk snapped. The second ward sealed shut. An arrow hit it from the inside and exploded into a net. They all leaped back on reflex. Raph dragged Donnie with him.
“Left…extra instructions…on the bio-keys,” Donnie mumbled, staggering against Raph. “No one through for…ten minutes.”
“Impressive, kid,” Lolly said shakily. Donnie managed a grin. “Alright, let’s go. Quickly. Might as well be refugees together.”
They slipped into the shadows of the nearest alley, along a wall, then another alley. It really was like the human city – there were bags of trash and weeds and even something that looked like an alley cat, except for the extra tail. Lolly was fast, but Raph, Mikey, and Leo had no trouble keeping up. Donnie stumbled sometimes, so Raph held onto his wrist to keep him from tripping or falling behind.
“Can’t we – use the sewer?” Raph panted at some point.
Lolly shook his head. “Alligators. They’re territorial.”
The neighborhood started to change. The mismatched houses turned into small, multi-story buildings with bamboo walls. There were fewer street signs. Was it a neighborhood? The streets got wider and the trash got less stinky. They stuck to the shadows, but there were more lights on, so they had to go slower. They heard rustling noises from the street. Raph caught the distinctive whiff of Big Mama’s goons – a combination of shoe polish and cologne. His stomach tightened. Donnie flexed his fingers.
Leo waved to get their attention and pointed to the roofs. Lolly nodded. Mikey and Leo climbed carefully up to the first level of roofs. Donnie was still tired, so Lolly helped him up first, then Raph. He climbed smoothly after them. The way they had climbed up, Leo was in front. Lolly pointed in a direction. Leo started walking. Why was he walking? They needed to run! He could hear the goons on the street, they were practically right next to them!
But Leo walked, and then paused at the corner of the building to check before jumping. It’s like crossing the street, Raph thought crazily. They jumped, carefully, from roof to roof. And then kept walking. In front of him, Donnie was getting fidgety, flexing his fingers and silently gnashing his teeth. That made Raph even antsier.
They’d only made it three houses when one of the goons walked straight into an alley below them.
They all froze. Raph leaned back as much as he dared, trying to make himself smaller. Had the goon found them? Could he smell Raph’s fear stink? Would they have to fight? The goons had caught them before. But Raph had fought a lot since then. He didn’t want to, but he knew how to fight a lot more now. Raph could leap down on him. He could punch him in the head until he passed out, and he’d do it fast, so the goon wouldn’t try to scream, he and his brothers could get away –
There were a few bags of trash sagging against a building. The goon shuffled them around. A few rodents popped out and squeaked at him. The goon muttered and left.
Raph’s heart was pounding so hard he felt light-headed. He wanted to cry. He was so scared. He’d nearly hit someone on purpose and it sort of felt like he actually had. He wanted to curl up in a ball with his brothers and never move again.
The faintest spark of light caught his eye. Donnie was twisting his fingers together and the smallest bit of purple sparked through the paint on his scales. Raph smacked him upside the head. Donnie glared at him. Raph glared back.
Lolly waved at them both and pointed. Leo had started moving again. Donnie threw a nasty look after the goon and reluctantly kept moving.
Raph focused on watching his brothers ahead of him. His heart was still pounding, but if he didn’t think about it, it felt like those few times Pops took them up to the surface. Just alleys, roofs, and little brothers goofing off. Raph had to keep an eye on them. He had to keep them moving, make sure they didn’t fall.
They made it three more blocks and another close call before the neighborhoods started to change. The tall, angular houses gave way to buildings that were flat and wide. It almost looked spacious, except that each building had so many doors that there were probably lots of people inside each of them. The roof tiles looked different, too. Noisier. Lolly motioned them back to ground level.
Fruit trees grew everywhere, some planted at street corners, some growing at random from cracks in the street. The street lamps were covered in colonies of softly glowing moths the size of Raph’s hand. Bird nests clung to the eaves of each house. Overlapping murals covered most of the walls. At least, Raph thought they were murals. They were definitely flat, but he saw a bird fly out of a mural of corn and straight to one of the nests.
Finally they turned down a small alley. It dead-ended in a fountain. It didn’t have any water, just a bunch of trees growing up in and around it. A hammock stretches between the two thickest trees. The walls are covered in overlapping murals and tags. There was a big mural of four shapes surrounded by waves and sand dunes. It was smudgy and clearly unfinished. Raph didn’t look too closely. The biggest shape had a lot of scars.
He pulled Mikey a little closer. “Where are we?”
“Is this your hideout?” Leo asked, looking dubiously at the hammock.
“Nah, the hammock’s just for some neighborhood kid. I bet he’s hanging out with that courier friend of his. Too bad he’s not here, he’s a big fan.”
Mikey made a weird little noise and latched onto Raph’s arm. “Why isn’t Daddy here?”
Lolly rolled his eyes. “Because you escaped in the middle of the night. No one knows where Rat Jitsu hides out.”
“But we need to find Daddy!”
Leo shook his head. “No, we need to hide. Big Mama’s goons are still out there. This place is practically in sight of the street!”
“Not the important bits. Watch.” Lolly gestured and suddenly there was a feather between his fingers. He tossed it into the fountain. The stone glowed for a moment, then vanished, trees and all. Raph could just glimpse a wooden staircase spiraling down.
Donnie, who had been swaying on his feet, perked up instantly. “Mystics! Fascinating!”
Lolly grinned. “Alright, everybody in the hole!”
Leo glanced at Raph uncertainly. Raph knew what he meant. They liked Lolly, but it was still a hole in the ground. They didn’t know what was down there. They didn’t want to end up somewhere worse than Big Mama.
“Raph’ll go first,” he said. He started down the stairs. Mikey grabbed his hand and followed. He felt Leo and Donnie hold the spikes on his shell. Lolly brought up the rear.
The tunnel was short and ended in a spacious burrow. The bottom was slightly curved. Pillows covered most of the floor. The little space leftover held a snack cabinet and cardboard boxes stuffed with paint supplies. A forest meadow covered part of the wall, dotted with little blue birds. Written in cursive above the mural was the word “Matlalihuitl.” Little glass balls were strung along the ceiling. The painted birds seemed to glitter in the soft white light.
“It’s…cozy,” Raph said, surprised.
Leo looked around. “It’s hidden.”
“Can Daddy find us?” Mikey asked, anxious.
“Uh, no.” Lolly waved a paw. “Don’t worry, I’ll find him instead.”
Mikey looked dubious, but Raph rubbed his head and he tucked himself into Raph’s side.
Raph nudged him toward the paint. “Go on, Mikey, why don’t you paint something? Uh – if that’s okay?” He directed the last bit to Lolly.
“Go for it.”
Mikey glanced at Raph, double-checking, then scooted over to the boxes. He picked out a few yellow pots. He paused, then began sorting the pots instead, arranging them all by color and then by shape.
Lolly gestured at the ceiling. The fountain sealed above them, but the little glass balls provided plenty of light. He flopped down on the pillows. “Eat, drink water, whatever. I gotta lay here for a minute. You kids gave me a heart attack.”
“Sounds good,” Donnie said, and promptly collapsed.
Raph gave a startled cry and moved forward, but Leo got that first. Donnie smacked at Leo’s face.
“’M fine. Tired. Go away.”
Lolly snorted. “I’ll bet.”
He reached into his snack cabinet and started tossing out snacks. It was mostly granola bars. Actual, human granola bars. Raph caught his and stared at it. It was even a brand he recognized. Apple-flavored. It was something they’d eat at home without a second thought.
Suddenly he felt exhausted. He sat down heavily.
“Where’d you get these?” Mikey asked eagerly, tearing into his.
“What, human stuff? You’d be amazed at the food waste on the surface. It’s easy to snag extra. Go on,” he said, tossing an extra bar to Donnie. Leo caught it for him. “You gotta eat. You pulled off some major mystic mojo.”
“Ha…parent-age…approval…” Donnie was halfway to snoozeland already.
“Are we safe?” Leo asked, peering up at the ceiling.
“Oh sure. The fountain’s real, we’re just in a pocket dimension.”
Donnie stirred. “Love a good pocket dimension,” he muttered, just before Leo shoved the bar in his mouth.
Lolly grinned. “Hey, same! I got hideouts all over the city just like this. The only way to get in is with my feathers, and those dissolve pretty quickly. The ones I used for distractions tonight should already be gone.”
Mikey squeaked and quickly rummaged in his shell pocket. He pulled out Lolly’s feather and sighed with relief. “Still here!”
Lolly rolled his eyes. “Not those, duh. I left that one for you. I left one for Stripes, too. They were gifts; those won’t fade.”
Raph was having trouble following the conversation. He forced himself to open the bar. Pulling the plastic was difficult; he couldn’t get his fingers to grip it hard enough. He felt sore all over, like he’d just finished an opening act. He gave up and passed the bar to Mikey, who stopped sorting and tore it open with his teeth.
Leo had been making sure Donnie ate his snack. At the mention of the feather, he turned sharply to glare at Lolly. “Why did you leave one for me? How did you know we’d escape tonight? Why did you help?”
“Why not?” He shrugged. “I steal from her all the time. She’s building an empire. I’m stealing her toy blocks. It’s pretty funny.”
Leo looked vaguely sick. “You – you can’t steal from Big Mama.”
“Sure you can! You just can’t get caught.”
Raph frowned. “That’s not how that works,” he said. Or tried to say. The words slurred and Leo threw him an anxious look.
Lolly grinned. “Sure it is! I was hoping to steal something else tonight when you made your play. Now that was a surprise. I thought you guys liked it there.”
Donnie muttered, “Derisive scoff” and Leo actually snarled. “Oh, yeah, we love fighting for our lives.”
Lolly held up his hands. “You looked like you did! That’s all I’m sayin’!”
Mikey pouted. “Leo told us to! Tell him, Raph!”
Raph frowned. Thinking was hard. Sleep tugged at his brain, but he forced himself to stay awake. “Leo said you knew about Dad,” he said slowly.
Lolly shrugged. “I mean, ninja rat shows up the same time you do, trying to break down Big Mama’s door every time you’re on screen –”
“If you knew why didn’t you help?” Mikey demanded.
“I just said I thought you liked it at Big Mama’s! For all I knew, Rat Jitsu was worse.”
Donnie scoffed. “Worse than Big Mama?”
“She’s no saint, but there are plenty of people worse than her. They just don’t have the power to show it. And you four seemed to enjoy the Nexus, so for all I knew it was better. That was a good strategy, by the way,” he told Leo. “Playing like you were happy. A lot of people try to cheat Big Mama’s rules and lose. You actually stayed in the game. I thought she’d spring real fights on you on day two.”
“She tried,” Leo muttered, still shoving granola down Donnie’s throat.
Donnie batted him away. “What do you mean, your feathers dissolve unless they’re gifts? Does intent matter? How do you do that without drawing sigils or spell circles? What about your lair, is it just a bigger version of the Orellius pocket or did you use an Umibōzu spell? How –”
“Easy!” Lolly laughed. “No wonder you learned ward theory in just two weeks. It’s an Orellius pocket, it regenerates fresh air. Mystics are pretty neat, huh?”
Raph cracked an eye open. When had he closed them? “You gotta eat your vegetables.”
“You do not!” Leo and Mikey snapped at him. Mikey looked hesitantly at Lolly. “…Do you?”
Lolly shrugged. “Eh, couldn’t hurt – oof.”
Mikey had launched off of Lolly’s arm in a mad scramble to get to the pantry. His face fell. “There’s no vegetables! You don’t even have spices!”
Lolly rolled his eyes. “I was going to do a food run tonight. I got distracted when one of you found my feather and then used it for their own weird spell. Leo, right? What did you do?”
They all looked at Leo, who looked down at the floor.
Lolly frowned. “Wait, was that you? Did you find it or not?”
“I found it,” Leo said dully.
Donnie struggled to sit up, pressing close to Leo. “He stabbed a yokai in the eye with it.”
Lolly sat up, too. “You’re kidding.”
“It’s not his fault!” Raph growled. “The guy was gonna eat Mikey and Donnie!”
“Ah. Yeah, that’d do it.” Lolly gave a weird laugh. “That instinct or what, kid?”
Leo was still looking at the floor. “Tigerclaw,” he said quietly, “showed me how.”
All traces of laughter fled Lolly’s face. “Well. Shit.”
Raph was so tired his whole body hurt. He ignored it and crawled over the pillows to get to Leo. Leo didn’t move, just kept staring at the floor, but Raph pulled Leo into his lap anyway. Leo was always quiet about stuff he really needed. Raph heard him anyway. He wrapped Leo in the biggest hug ever and squeezed as hard as he could, trying to crush as much love and comfort into his little brother’s body. Donnie squirmed into Raph’s lap and tucked himself in front of Leo, pushing his shell against Leo’s hands. Mikey wriggled half-in, half-out of Raph’s lap, curled around Leo like a cat.
Leo let them. He felt so small, all folded up like that. He was small. And really, really brave. He’d been brave when they were fighting and brave with Big Mama and brave when he hurt the yokai, because he’d only done it to protect his brothers. Raph was the biggest and strongest, but nobody was braver than Leo.
“Love you, Leo.” Raph tucked his head down right by Leo’s ear. “We’re almost back to Dad, and you won’t have to be brave anymore. You did good. Raph loves you forever.”
“Love you, Leo!” Mikey chirped.
“Ditto,” Donnie added.
Leo didn’t say anything, but he turned his face into Raph’s plastron. Raph could feel him trembling.
“Aw, hey…” Lolly leaned over and put a hand on Leo’s head. “You’re okay. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“He likes it when you rub his head,” Raph offered.
Leo jerked his head away. “No! I don’t want it from him! I want it from D-Dad!”
“I’ll find him tomorrow,” Lolly promised.
“He might go back to the human world between fights,” Donnie pointed out. “If you can’t find him, just get us to the New York sewer system. I have the whole thing memorized.”
“You’re scary in many ways, kid,” Lolly said drily, but he threw Donnie a wink as he got to his feet. “Speaking of, I should check on Mickey. And I really do need a food run. You kids, uh, want anything?”
“Fish,” Donnie said at once.
“Vegetables,” Raph added.
“Candy,” Leo and Mikey finished.
“All part of a balanced meal,” Lolly said drily. “Alright, stay put, go to sleep, don’t wreck the place. I’ll be back quick and we’ll track down your dad tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Lolly,” Raph said dutifully. He nudged his brothers, who repeated after him.
Lolly gave an informal salute and then leaped up to touch the ceiling. For a second the ceiling became transparent. Raph saw the fountain and the still-dark cave ceiling above. Then Lolly was gone and the ceiling was solid again.
Raph didn’t let go of Leo, but he craned his neck to check the ceiling. “Could we get out if he doesn’t come back?”
Donnie eyed it. “It didn’t look like he used a spell. I think we just need to touch the ceiling.”
He nodded. “Raph is tall enough, you could stand on my shoulders.”
Mikey yawned. “I’m tired.”
“I’m not,” Donnie muttered. This was not convincing, because he was currently pancaked under Leo with his eyes closed.
Raph sighed and shifted so that he was sitting back against the wall. Leo was still front and center in his lap. He stretched out a leg so Donnie could pancake on it. Leo curled up against Donnie immediately. Mike stayed curled on Leo’s other side. Raph usually lay down on his stomach to sleep, but he didn’t want to let go on his brothers.
Raph started rumbling. Mikey chirped and snuggled in deeper. Donnie somehow got even flatter. Finally Leo’s shoulders started to relax. Raph scratched at his brother’s shell, and Leo let out a shuddery sigh. Raph let his eyes close, still scratching at Leo’s shell.
Raph was so tired it felt like he weighed a million pounds. But his brothers were here, and they were together, and safe. Everything would be okay.
He had a second to think, We’re gonna see Pops tomorrow. Then he was asleep.
Something smashed Raph’s head into the wall. He barely had time to wake up before a shadow fell over his face. He registered his brothers’ smothered cries and the shuffle of multiple bodies. He turned his head to bite instinctively at whatever was attacking him. He got a mouthful of feathers before someone shoved a sack over his head.
“Ow! OW! He bites, he bites!”
“Gag ‘im!”
“I ain’t findin’ Lolly, boss.”
“Forget it, get the turtles.”
Raph thrashed. He was swung upside down, kicking and tearing at the bag. He could still hear his brother’s yelling. Someone kicked Raph from outside the sack and Raph snarled, kicking back. He could feel himself lifted up and panicked, thrashing harder.
“Let go!” he shouted. “Raph’s gonna bust your heads in! Mikey! Leo! Donnie!”
“Shaddup,” the fox said sharply. “Oscar, Louis, forget findin’ the dog. Get the portal up.”
There was a whooshing, crackly noise. Purple light shone thrown the bag. Leo’s screaming got louder. Raph’s claws found a snag in the bag and he worked at it, scratching and tearing at the tough fabric. He was mostly upside down and the swinging made it worse, but he tore until he had just enough sack to grab with his teeth. He snapped the loose threads full, dug his claws in and tore as hard as he could.
He fell on his head, hard, landing on horribly familiar fabric. Raph looked up.
They were in Big Mama’s office.
A dozen uniformed goons formed a half-circle around Big Mama’s desk. The fox and the owl goon stood in the middle of the circle. His brothers were shouting and yelling, still stuck in sacks next to Raph. A buffalo goon had been holding Raph’s sack. Before Raph could push himself up, the buffalo shoved him down again.
“Hold still,” he grunted. “Big Mama, we got ‘em.”
Big Mama’s chair turned slowly. Her eyes glinted like knives. “Tsk, tsk. You four biddly-tots gave Big Mama quite the scare!”
“We were just exploring!” Leo shouted, but it was muffled and panicked. Mikey cried harder.
Raph snarled and turned to bite the buffalo, but it just reached over and shoved Raph beak-first into the carpet until he could barely breath. Big Mama said something else, but the buffalo was pressing down too hard and Raph was getting dizzy. He heard Leo shout something and Donnie hissed. One of the yokai picked Mikey’s bag and started shaking it. Raph’s vision went black and white and he surged up, but the buffalo clamped a huge hand around his beak and forced him back down. Raph tried as hard as he could to shake him off, but he couldn’t get his arms and legs under him and he was getting really dizzy –
“Enough,” Big Mama said coldly. The yokai stopped shaking Mikey. Raph kept struggling, a muffled growl rising in his chest.
“He’s a biggun’, miss,” the buffalo panted.
“Positively monumentalous,” she cooed. Raph bared his teeth as much as he could. She laughed. “And still so snapificated! Perhaps Ruby needs a new role in our opening act.”
“NO!”
Raph had never heard Leo’s voice sound like that.
Big Mama tutted. “Not to worry, Lapis. Big Mama has plans for you, too. Take the little tottlings to separate cells. I have a new series to write.”
“Ma’am.”
The buffalo let go. Raph gasped for air, but another bag scooped him up before he could move. He still couldn’t breathe. It was swinging and bouncing too hard. Raph tried to shout for his brothers, or even chirp, but something stabbed him through the bag and he screamed. The smell of burning cloth and scales nearly made him throw up. He heard a sizzling noise before the burning thing stabbed him again. He tried to shout but everything was turning gray and his head spun.
Mikey was still crying. His littlest brothers were still crying, and Raph couldn’t reach him. Black static flooded his brain. The last thing he heard was Leo’s voice, desperately calling for Big Mama.
Um. Reminder that this does have a happy ending?
Trigger warnings include slight gore - Leo stabs a yokai in the eye. Child captivity and kidnapping - the turtle tots are chased, nearly caught, later caught and thrown in bags, claustrophobic descriptions of being trapped in the bag and partially suffocated, use of shocking weaponry against Raph.
Big Mama's Four Little Gems Chapter 5: Falling Stars
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 6
AO3 Link Tumblr Masterpost
A/N: Let's check on some other characters outside the Nexus! Trigger warnings: child captivity, canon-level fighting, non-graphic vomiting.
Mickey, an eel yokai, lived in an alley by the Serpent’s Head Cinema. It was a giant theater shaped like a serpent’s head, and its carved tongue was a stage for amazing shows every night. Mickey liked to climb between the teeth to watch. He was nine, and small, so he never got caught. He liked anything colorful and exciting. That was how he kept getting chased out of his hideouts – he kept trying to paint the walls. What was wrong with adding a little color? He couldn’t even reach very high, anyway!
His current alley was the best one yet. It had an old fountain at one end. It didn’t work, but it filled up with water when the witches made it rain. There were some pretty fruit trees growing up between the bricks. And it was mostly abandoned, except for a guy who lived under the fountain. But the guy didn’t mind Mickey’s art. He even gave him extra paint sometimes, and let Mickey string up a hammock between two of the trees.
That was where he was sleeping when something poked him in the gills, hard.
“OW!”
Mickey flailed and nearly fell out of the hammock. A pair of clawed hands caught him and a wide grin loomed out of the dark.
“Hey, Gills, you awake?”
Mickey’s early-morning scowl melted immediately into a smile. “Danny!”
Danny was a street rat. (Literally, he was a rat that lived on the streets.) He mostly worked as a courier when he wasn’t a thief. He was short, skinny, and fast. He usually wore a clean white tank top under a baggy black jacket with even baggier pants. His clothes had a million pockets, all stuffed with stolen treasures.
“Heya, Gills! I got two words for ya.” Danny leaned in close. “New. Series.”
Mickey gasped. “The Kappa?! When – OW!”
Danny, still holding the hammock, immediately dumped him into the dry fountain. Then he leaped back – Mickey was prone to electrocute on accident when startled.
“Now, this morning! They’re startin’ the Star Series, they got a new Iolite action figure and everything! Quit flailin’ those nubs at me and let’s go!”
“They’re not nubs!” Mickey whined, slithering after him. “And who cares about the purple one? Topaz is the best!”
“Nu-uh!”
“Yeah-huh!”
“Nu-UH!”
It turned into a game of chase-and-pinch as they ran. Danny had made up the game, the cheater, because he had thumbs and Mickey needed both arms to pinch (they were not nubs! They were fins and they’d be longer when he was all grown up!) It didn’t really matter, though, because neither of them pinched hard and all the pinching in the world wouldn’t change Mickey’s mind. Topaz was the best Kappa!
The Kappas were the best thing to happen to the Battle Nexus in ages. Opening acts were usually boring. Danny and Mickey had snuck in to see it once and nearly got chopped into sushi by an angry badger guard. Mickey hadn’t thought it was worth all the fuss. It was just big, muscly guys who thought fighting flashy was the same as fighting smart. They died pretty quick.
The Kappas were different. They were Mickey and Danny’s age, and instead of just fighting, they had quests. The monsters were real, the effects were dazzling, and the Kappas were like real-life heroes who stuck together no matter what!
And they had action figures! Mickey had collected the whole Pirate and Desert series. People were picky about the Desert series. On the first day, Topaz had tried to burrow a path through the venomous sand worms. The action figure showed his hands covered in dirt, when everyone knew it had been blood from getting bitten. Mickey was so annoyed that he’d gone to Witch Town and paid his entire candy stash to get it fixed. He told himself he’d had the only authentic addition. Danny had been so jealous.
Then Mickey had gotten kicked out of his last alley. He’d stored his collection in a hollow wall behind a Kappa poster, but when he snuck back to get it, it was gone.
Which was why it stung so bad when Danny pulled a brand new action figure out of his pants.
“Iolite’s the dynamite!” he boasted. “See?”
Mickey gasped. The miniature Iolite wore long, loose black pants and a form-fitting black vest, both lined with silver. His flat shell was painted with glowing, shifting constellations.
“The new Star series! Danny! I need ooonnnneeee,” he whined, catching up to Danny. Instead of pinching, he slumped against Danny’s front and slid down, little nubs catching on Danny’s shirt.
The rat laughed and pushed him off. “Hurry up and I’ll nick one for ya!”
“Really?!”
“Nope!”
Danny leaped back and up onto the nearest wall. Mickey flipped up to catch him and slap him with his tail, but Danny was already dancing away, laughing and flaunting his toy. Mickey played chase again, but he grinning the whole time. Danny just talked mean. He’d gotten Mickey all of his action figures in the first place.
Mickey hadn’t actually seen any of the Kappas’ fights in person. Instead, Big Mama had done something totally unheard of. She’d installed huge magical screens outside the Nexus Walls so everyone could watch! Except that she charged really high fees just for existing on the street while she played the live footage. Her goons came out and collected the fees. If you didn’t want to pay or get caught, you had to watch from really, really far away…or get sneaky.
Mickey and Donnie scaled over a few roofs and then slipped down into a little nook between two walls. One end was piled with trash. The other was blocked by an incense stall, so it didn’t smell too bad. They’d hidden here for the last fight, so Danny knew which bricks he could pull to make little windows.
Suddenly the giant viewing screens hung over the Nexus walls flared to life. Big Mama’s face appeared in full color, beaming at the crowd below. “Ladies and gentlemen! Yokai of all ages! Welcome to the Opening Act of the Battle Nexus!”
There was a round of cheering from inside the arena, audible even over the thick walls. On the street surrounding the Nexus, a lot of people were either trying to find a good seat or scrambling to get away. The big doors of the Nexus opened and Big Mama’s goons came pouring out, ready to collect their fees. Danny and Mickey snickered and hunkered closer together, shushing each other. Behind the goons came almost a dozen small wheeled booths laden with Kappa merchandise. There were four booths dedicated solely to the new action figures.
Mickey gasped so loudly that Danny gagged him with his tail. Mickey turned pleading eyes on his friend.
Danny made a huge show of rolling his eyes, but mouthed “later.” Mickey grinned and licked Danny’s tail. Danny head-butted him. The incense merchant, an old cat yokai, started to look around. They both froze.
Big Mama was still talking. “Our courageous Kappas have embarked on a new quiddly-quest! I give you…the Star Series!”
The view switched from Big Mama to the arena. Mickey gave a little whispered shriek. Danny gripped his shoulder and shook him in wordless excitement.
The arena had become a galaxy, a dark, swirling pool of mystical shadows, speckled with glowing starbirds that darted in and out of the curling black. Each one was big enough for Mickey to ride, maybe even Mickey and Danny together. Above the shadows hung miniature planets complete with moons, long chains of asteroids, and two tiny, blistering stars. Something long and sinuous dipped in a circle around the stars, its thick hide cracked with glowing magma.
The Kappas themselves stood at one end of the arena, in front of a fake crashed rocket ship. (Everyone knew what those were from bootleg human TV.) Topaz was perched on Ruby’s shoulder, with Lapis and Iolite on either side. They all wore matching black pants and snug vests. Iolite’s shell really had been painted like a living nebula. Ruby’s fists were covered in wraps that made his hands look like cratered rocks. Lapis had glowing blue wrappings that spiraled from his shoulders to his hands. Topaz had a short black cape lined with real, enchanted fire.
The four of them looked grim, wary, and totally awesome. The crowd roared. Danny bit the nails on one hand to keep from screaming. Mickey bit the nails on his other hand. They were here! A new series! It was starting!
By now, the booths had rolled pretty far from the entrance. The goons had collected their fees and retreated to the doors. More goons piled up behind them and along the top of the walls, all armed. People on the street moved away, clearing a spot in front of the Nexus doors while still within view of the screens. Mickey’s heart beat faster. He knew what they were waiting for.
Rumor had it that a rat yokai showed up on the same day as the Kappas, claiming to be Lou Jitsu and the kappas’ father. Mickey was pretty sure most of that was made-up. How could a rat have a turtle son? And everyone knew Lou Jitsu was human! But the way the rat fought, a lot of people said he really was Lou Jitsu. For one thing, he was too fast for Big Mama to catch. The only way she could charge money for his fighting was to bait him with the Kappas. It was the whole reason she displayed their fights on the walls in the first place.
Big Mama’s voice boomed over the street. “My terrific turtley-boos have found themselves stranded in a strange galaxy full of hidden dangers! Will they find their way home before Big Mama’s black holes swallow them all? Friends, patrons, parakeets of all ages –”
Something fast and furred shot through the air. It struck the Nexus wall. The wards on the wall flared to life. The crowd screamed and scattered. A rat in dirty brown robes stood in front of the guards. His face twisted with rage. The guards quailed. Danny and Mickey caught their breaths.
Rat Jitsu crouched low. A few guards whimpered. Mickey and Danny pressed their whole faces into the gap.
“Let the Quest begin!”
Rat Jitsu downed six guards so fast it looked like they were falling backwards by themselves. Then he threw an entire melon stand into the heart of the goon hoard. The melon vendor squawked but Jitsu was still moving, dodging arrows and canons and curses.
“Since when do they have canons!?” Danny whispered excitedly. There were at least a dozen of them lined up along the top of the Nexus wall. “Oooh, he just caught one and threw it back!”
Mickey looked back at the screen. The Kappas had leaped onto the closest planet. It looked like Iolite was pointing out the next few jumps. Topaz was still perched on Ruby, holding tight. He was sniffing at the frothing pool of darkness at the bottom of the arena.
Suddenly the sinuous shape shot out of the shadows. Mickey gasped. A giant lava snake! It was from the land of fire giants, a third as long as the arena and wide enough to swallow them all whole. The snake reared. Its jaws unhinged, turning toward the Kappas. It lunged.
The four of them scattered – Iolite and Lapis to one nearby moon, Topaz to another. Ruby jumped sideways and nearly fell into the darkness. A coil of the snake’s body rose, ready to catch him and drag him down. Its magma-cracked hide boiled the mystical shadows around it. The snake turned for Topaz, alone on his moon, and lunged again. Iolite leaped for Topaz. Ruby dove for the snake. Ruby locked his legs around its neck and started punching it in the face. Everywhere he touched, his clothes and wrappings began to steam.
“Oh, my!” cried Big Mama. “Good thing his wraps are fireproof – oops, looks like they’re not! Our Ruby has more than just a hot head!”
“Red!” Rat Jitsu shouted.
In the street, a very stupid goon tried to hack at the rat with a sword. Then he was on the ground, clawing at his bloody face, while Rat Jitsu hurled himself at the wall of the Nexus. The wards around the Nexus flared again. Mickey could see three layers of them. Jitsu’s swordpoint was caught on the outermost layer. His eyes flashed white and the whole sword glowed, like it had become a miniature star. The ward began to sizzle and crack.
“No way,” Danny breathed.
The sword punctured the ward – and then stopped at the hilt. Orange sigils glowed and sputtered angrily around it. Jitsu forced it just a little bit farther. Streaks of white appeared in his hair. Jitsu let go of the sword and tried to claw at the sigil. Someone shot at him and he caught the arrow with his free hand. It glowed white and he forced that through, too, but his hands still stopped at the wards.
“He can’t get through!” Danny hissed, eyes wide, squeezing Mickey’s nubs so hard it hurt. “C’mon, Rat Jitsu! Show those rats who the real rat is!”
Mickey glanced back up at the screen. Iolite, Lapis, and Topaz had made it past the moons and to the asteroid belt. They’d each landed on a larger rock and were hurling smaller rocks at the lava snake’s face. It jerked and snapped with anger, changing targets. Ruby leaped off of it and onto another planet. His pants were smoking, his hand wrappings were on fire, and he was separated from his brothers. Mickey saw him shout something and Lapis shouted back. Ruby looked down. The mystical pool of shadows was slowly rising higher, like the arena was filling up with them.
The lava snake jerked hard enough to jolt Ruby’s planet. He staggered. The impact seemed to anger the starbirds. Until now, they’d been dipping in and out of the shadows in small groups of four or five. Now they roused like a hoard of angry bees. There had to be at least twenty of them! Mickey shuddered. Starbirds were the worst. He’d seen one make a nest on a pirate ship once. It had attacked the entire crew when they tried to board. The burns they got were so bad they all quit and became accountants.
The three Kappas on asteroids ducked, but they couldn’t jump away through the angry flock. One of the birds dove straight for Topaz. He screamed and tried to pop into his shell, but one of its wings hit him hard across the face. Blistering red scars rose on his scales.
More starbirds were circling Ruby. He tried to throw his burning hand-wraps at them, but it just seemed to make them angrier. The snake had forgotten about Ruby and was trying to catch the starbirds, but in the process, its writhing body kept hitting Ruby’s planet. It was starting to crack. Iolite shouted and sprang for Topaz. Lapis tore at one of his spiraling arm wraps until it came loose, then leaped for Ruby –
BOOM!
Mickey jumped. Rat Jitsu had now stolen several weapons and stabbed them so high up in the ward that they just stuck there like porcupine quills. There were swords, arrows, spears, axes, and maces. They all glowed white. The sigils on the outer ward glowed an angry orange but didn’t break.
There were much fewer goons around. Well, there were the same number of goons, but most of them were now piled up like rag dolls, moaning and cowering. The Nexus doors had shut. The remaining goons stuck outside were either hiding or standing on each other’s shoulders, trying to reach their stuck weapons. They weren’t having much luck.
Danny snickered. “Look at ‘em! Make a pretty good lightning rod stacked up like that!”
Lightning rod? Mickey opened his mouth to ask what Danny meant. Then one of the canons on the wall fired. There were still plenty of goons fighting from the top of the wall, safely inside the barrier. The canon had fired a heavy-looking mystical ball. Rat Jitsu caught it bare-handed and then leaped almost straight up. He landed on one of the spears, balanced like a bird on a perch, and shoved the cannonball into the ward. It glowed white, same as the others. Then Rat Jitsu crouched and launched himself straight up, dragging the white-hot ball sideways across the outer ward like a comet.
C-C-CRACK!
The mystical friction generated a bolt of lightning! It struck the street right next to the overturned melon cart. The vendor, who had been trying vainly to recover his wares, squeaked and darted away to safety. Mickey looked back at Rat Jitsu, eyes wide. He’d landed on another stuck weapon. Mickey saw him crouch again.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
One bolt struck the stacked-up goons. Another struck the poor melon cart. The last one struck one of the booths loaded with action figures. The figures went flying, most of them half-melted, scattered in charred heaps across the cobblestones.
“No!” Mickey groaned.
Several people darted in to grab what they could, but another lightning strike drove them back. Then cannonballs. Half of the goons on the wall had started firing into the street to prevent people from stealing the charred merch.
Mickey looked back at the screen and gasped. A starbird! Lapis and Ruby were riding a starbird!
He yelped and grabbed Danny. “What happened, I missed it!”
“Sh!”
Lapis had taken off his arm wraps and used it as a set of reins on a starbird. It wasn’t working well. The bird was barrel-rolling and diving, spitting balls of cursed fire in every direction as it tried to buck him off and eat him. But he hadn’t fallen off. Their faces were twisted in pain, but a starbird mostly ignited its wings, tail, and teeth. (Oh, Spirits, the teeth.) The rest of the bird was cool enough to touch, just not for long.
Lapis gave the reins a good twist. The starbird’s path veered towards the lava snake. The snake gave an alarmed hiss and dipped sideways. One or two birds decided the lava snake was a bigger threat and started diving for its eyes. When Lapis aimed at the snake again, the serpent gave a surly hiss and slunk behind a planet.
That left Ruby and Lapis on one side of the arena. Iolite and Topaz were on the other side. They’d gotten past the asteroids and were back to moon-hopping. The moons rotated around one of the tiny suns. The moons swung through their orbit, spinning crazily as they went. Iolite had to practically run in place to keep from falling off. Next to him, Topaz dug in his claws and stayed put, waiting for the next good jump. The burns on his face had twisted one of his eyes half-shut.
“Come on, you can do it!” Mickey urged under his breath. There was a landing site at the far side of the arena, complete with a flag showing Big Mama’s face. Just a few more moons and they would reach it!
Suddenly the moon under Topaz and Iolite began to shake and crack. They barely had time to leap to the next moon before the first one cracked apart. The moon collapsed on itself, eaten by a miniature dark hole at its center. They’d nearly been too late – part of Topaz’s fire cape had gotten ripped away and sucked into the vortex.
The black hole was getting bigger. The tiny sun had had at six moons, but the black hole sucked them in one by one until there were only two moons left. It was too far for Iolite and Topaz to jump to the final platform. Topaz’s eye was wide with pain and panic.
On the other side of the arena, Lapis had gotten Ruby onto the starbird with him, but they were struggling. Their pants had started smoking from prolonged contact with its feathers. Lapis tried to turn it toward the moons brothers, but it screeched and bucked again. Lapis shouted something over the bird’s screaming.
Topaz nodded and popped into his shell. Iolite grabbed him. He started to swing him in a dizzying circle, then let go. Topaz soared toward the landing site. His torn cape flared out like a comet’s tail. Mickey stared up in awe. He really looked like a comet! He was flying!
Topaz hit the landing pad so hard he nearly bounced off. He popped out of his shell and dug in with his claws, leaving long gouge marks on the rock. He slid just inches away from the edge, but he didn’t fall. The crowd cheered. Mickey had been so absorbed he hadn’t even heard the crowd before, or Big Mama’s commentary. Watching it was the best part!
Iolite’s moon had been knocked out of orbit by the drag of the black hole. It was inches away from his moon, but Iolite wasn’t jumping. He dug into the rock with his feet and made a complicated gesture with his hands. His fingers sparked, then glowed purple. A matching hexagonal prism appeared around the black hole. Mystics! He’d used mystics! Iolite’s moon bumped harmlessly against the prism, but it was cracking already. Iolite gritted his teeth.
Danny was shaking him, trying to pull him away. Mickey slapped at him with his tail and added a bit of electricity for emphasis. This was the best part, they were almost there!
Lapis shouted to Ruby and then let go of the starbird’s reins. He swung underneath it and grabbed its feet. Its talons scratched long red marks in his wrists, but he hung on. Ruby scrambled for control. Lapis swung once, twice, building momentum. Then, just as Iolite’s prism broke, Lapis launched himself at Iolite. He hit Iolite feet-first, hard. They both went flying through the air. They were aimed at the landing platform, but they wouldn’t quite make it. Topaz reached out, Ruby leaped off the bird –
CRACK!
The lightning hit their hiding place.
It was so fast that Mickey was on the ground several feet away before he realized what had happened. He was lying flat on his back, except for his tail, which flopped sideways and twitched. He couldn’t tell if the numb prickles of electricity were from him or the lightning bolt. He had a split second to think, Where’s Danny? and then an electrified mace was flying towards his face.
Mickey tried to scream or move, but his body wasn’t working. Wind hit his face and suddenly Rat Jitsu was there, the mace caught in his hand. But he wasn’t even looking at Mickey. He was looking up at the screens. Mickey looked up, too.
All four Kappas had made it to the landing zone. They all had burns and bruises. Ruby and Lapis looked somehow smaller without their wraps, but they both stood with their faces gritted against the pain. Iolite was the least injured. He was standing, but his posture looked like a coiled serpent’s, fangs bared and ready to fight.
Topaz had climbed up to Ruby’s shoulder again. The burns on his face kept one of his eyes half-closed, but he looked up, obviously scanning the crowd. He mouthed something. Mickey had probably hit his head too hard, because it looked like said, Daddy, where are you?
“Orange,” said Rat Jitsu, so softly, but there was so much longing and grief in it that Mickey caught his breath.
“Are you really…” he started. Then there was a crack and Mickey’s whole body flinched, expecting another bolt of lightning. But the rat was gone and the street where he’d been standing had deep fissures from the force of his jump. The mace clattered to the ground.
“Get up, get up!”
Suddenly Danny was there, grabbing Micky by collar and hauling him to his tail. “C’mon already, the guards opening the doors!”
That got Mickey moving. Plenty of people tried to sneak onto the street to watch the fighting, just like them. Big Mama’s goons – the ones safe inside – came out to do a second sweep to collect their fees. Mickey wobbled on his still-numb tail. Danny grabbed a nub and practically dragged him for a block until Mickey could run again. They ran all the way back to Mickey’s dried-up fountain before they stopped, breathing hard.
“The – the action figures,” Mickey moaned.
Danny grinned and fished in his pants pockets. “You mean these babies?” he asked, pulling out action figures of Iolite and Topaz. They were just a little bit charred.
Mickey squealed and leaped for both toys.
“Ahp-up-up!” Danny held Iolite out of reach. “Stealer’s choice! I get dibs on the best one!”
“Then why’d you give it to me?” Mickey giggled. He held up his prize, eyes shining. The Topaz action figure had its own flaming cape, and the black pants on it were edged in tiny silvery stars. One of its arms was a little charred from all the lightning, but Mickey could save up more candy to get it fixed. He wanted the other Kappas too, but… “Hey, do you think they’ll make a Rat Jitsu action figure?”
“Dunno.” Danny plopped down on the rim of the fountain, putting the posable Iolite into different fighting stances. “He’s pretty cool, though. Maybe even as cool as Iolite.”
“He seemed sad.” Mickey held his tiny Topaz a little bit closer. “D’you think he really is their dad?”
“What, the rat?” Danny scoffed. “Probably not. It’s just a real-life play Big Mama’s putting on so she can run two fights at once.”
“Oohhhh, I hadn’t thought of that!”
Danny grinned and tapped his own head. “You gotta think smart, Mickey! Sneaky! ‘Sides, even if he really was their dad, he’s not getting’ em back. If there’s one rule around here, it’s no stealing from Big Mama.”
A brown and gray blur zipped over the wastelands outside the Hidden City. It was fast, a shadow, a flicker. It was here and gone so quickly that only the bend of the wild grasses revealed its path.
The wastelands weren’t really wastes. They were quite rich with plant and animal life. The sweeping grasses rose into hills of coral-like rock formations, beneath which lived jewel-bright beetles and lavender field mice. Streams of sparkling water traced languid curves through the hills. Cottonwood dryads and glittering dragonflies lived along the banks. Here and there grew medicinal herbs that the people of Witchtown foraged or cultivated for various spells. Children often skipped school to hide in the tall grasses. It was hardly a real waste. It had only earned the name for the black castle that rose ominously at its farthest edge.
Not that it could be called a proper castle. It had been blown to pieces roughly a decade ago. Its master had slowly rebuilt it, piece by charred piece, but it looked more like a rotting tree trunk than anything resembling a castle. There were even massive vines curling up the sides, which provided most of the structural support.
Only a few of the rooms had actually been restored to any degree of functionality. These included the library, the bathroom, and the lab. (The kitchen had long been overtaken by the thing in the fridge.) The library had been shielded from damage because of the many protective spells placed upon its volumes. The bathroom had been restored with a lot of grumbling but not a lot of work.
The lab, however, had taken years of effort. It had been the center of the explosion that destroyed the castle. It was nowhere near the magnificence of its original design. The circular room still held walls, but half of the walls had broken off at waist height and there was no ceiling. The few shelves along the walls were only half-full. The original collection of magical samples had been reduced to several dozen, each stored in labeled glass vials. Empty tanks filled still more shelves, though these held samples of living plants rather than animals.
The middle of the room had been gutted to form a circular garden. Still more plants grew here – a few fanged roses, the usual Four-Season Tree, several plants that looked like bright pink sea urchins. Gnarled purple vines spread across the walls, from which dangled still more potted plants.
The owner of the castle was currently attempting to water one of these potted peculiarities, a mint variety with an odd metallic sheen to its leaves. It did not appreciate being water.
“Stop – being – fussy!” Baron Draxum grunted. The mint hissed and threw metal leaves at Draxum’s head. The Baron dodged them and the leaves embedded themselves in the floor behind him. “It’s just water! You won’t rust!”
“You didn’t flavor it, boss,” said a rather chunky gargoyle, watching the show from the safety of an empty tank.
“Gotta use the lemon soda,” agreed a thinner gargoyle, this one peeking out from behind a pink sea urchin.
“I told you not to feed that to my plants! No more soda!”
“DRAXUM!”
Draxum jumped, narrowly avoiding several minty shuriken whizzing past his face. The leaves were aimed straight for the tank holding the gargoyles. They shrieked, clutching each other, but the shadow dropped down in front of them and caught all six leaves bare-handed. He spread them between his claws.
“We need to talk,” he growled.
“So cool,” Munin breathed.
Draxum’s eyes widened. “Intrud- wait. You. YOU!”
Draxum’s vines exploded from the floor. The rat was suddenly on the opposite wall, several shiny mint leaves in his hand. Draxum twisted the vines to slam down on him, but mint knives suddenly stuck out of the vines, forcing them back. The rat was crouched on the Four Season tree, tail lashing.
He smirked. “You only caught me last time because I didn’t fight back!”
“You ruined centuries of research!” Draxum snarled. “I didn’t catch you last time because I wasn’t angry enough!”
Another gesture and more vines erupted from the floor, twisting up around the center garden like a bear trap. The rat leaped up and landed on the trap as it snapped shut. Then he blurred, and suddenly he was holding one of the plant tanks.
Draxum growled and made a sharp gesture. The plant inside glowed and chittered. Spiny vines grew several inches every second and it poured out of the tank, searching greedily for food. The rat yelped and threw it at the center garden, where it began to cover the pulsing bear trap. Draxum destroyed the growth with an explosion that shriveled the vines underneath and scorched the ground. The rat had already picked up two more tanks. He threw them at Draxum, who used vines to bat them aside. One of them hit the wall right next to the gargoyle tank.
“Easy!” the skinny gargoyle yelped.
“Oh look, hostages,” the rat said cheerfully, and then he was standing over the wall of their tank reaching in.
“Wait wait wait!” squeaked the fat gargoyle.
Draxum smashed down another vine. The rat dodged, but rubble rained down and into the tank. The gargoyles squeaked and ducked for cover.
“Help!” the skinny one cried. “My arms are too small to cover my head!”
Lou Jitsu gave them a dubious look. “You know, I’m a little embarrassed I let them catch me.”
“I would be, too,” Draxum said. He raised his hand for another strike –
“Boss wait no!” The fat one scrambled to the top of his tank and stood on the rim. “You’re gonna wreak the place! Or wreck the place? Is it wreak or wreck?”
The skinny one climbed up to join him. “It’s wreck. No one uses ‘wreak’ anymore except in the phrase ‘wreak havoc.’ But also, boss, maybe fight somewhere else? We don’t want to turn our cushy lab into an actual wasteland.”
The fat gargoyle suddenly raised his hand. “Oh-oh-oh, this reminds me of a joke! You wanna know why they call it the wastelands? Because it’s Baron!” He pointed at Draxum with both arms and a wing. “Geddit? Geddit?”
The skinny gargoyle, Huginn, shrugged. “No-can-do, boss. You are what you eat, and I only eat cold, hard iron.”
“And churros!” Munin added.
“Right – and churros!”
“Hmmmm.” Splinter rubbed his chin. “How do you two feel about cake?”
They gasped and clasped each other’s hands. “We love cake!”
“Excellent! How about you two get three – four – six fancy moon cakes from that stall on Serpent’s Street. Bring back four for me. Extra street cred if you haggle for the biggest ones!” He tossed a pouch of coins at them.
Draxum felt his robes. “Hey, isn’t that my –”
“You got it, mini-Boss!” Munin cried. Huggin snagged the pouch just before Draxum’s vines could get it. The two of them zoomed out the nearest window.
Draxum rubbed his forehead. “What. Do. You. Want.”
Lou folded his arms and sat down on top of a bookshelf. “A way past Big Mama’s wards. I’ve stolen or charmed my way into getting dozens of potions and spells by now, but nothing is strong enough to break them. The experts I flirted with say they’re focused specifically against me, so I need someone else to break them. She stole my children.”
Draxum blinked. “You had children?”
“Yes! You made them! My four turtle sons!”
“They lived?” Draxum stepped forward eagerly, face alight with zeal. “Ha! HA! My creations survived your best efforts at my destruction! Not all of my work was in vain! My yokai army –”
“They are not soldiers!” Lou Jitsu snapped his tail and stone wall behind Draxum cracked. Lou was suddenly standing on Draxum’s bony shoulders, his collar in Lou’s fists, as the rat’s eyes flashed a glowing white. “They are my sons, Draxum! Lena stole them and has been forcing them to fight for nearly three weeks!”
“Get off!” Draxum swatted at him. Lou leaped to the nearest broken wall and began pacing back and forth along the top. Draxum straightened his robes. “Well. Perhaps it is time I paid a visit to the city, then.”
Another snap of his tail. “Don’t bother. She won’t let them go.”
“I created them! They are technically my offspring, the laws of the Hidden City –”
Lou Jitsu barked a bitter laugh. “Who are you to suddenly care about those? You’re a mad scientist –”
“I am a warring warrior scientist –”
“And still a wanted criminal, I might add. You don’t understand that creating life is not the same as caring about it. You keep your gargoyles in a tank!”
“They like it, they have a heat lamp!” Draxum scoffed and reached for a stack of notes sitting next to the gargoyle’s tank. “Luckily my notes on my creations survived. It will prove sufficient evidence to establish guardianship.”
“You’re too late,” Lou said bitterly. “She had already done so by the time I realized where they were.”
Draxum turned sharply. “She what?!”
“Yes, I know, she is a terrible guardian –”
“As in legal guardianship?!”
“Yes, obviously! I’ve seen the paperwork myself, but I couldn’t steal, break, or destroy it.” Lou huffed with annoyance. “Again, since when do you care about the law?”
“That law is near-unbreakable!” Draxum shouted, storming up to Lou. The effect was somewhat ruined because Lou was standing on a wall two feet higher, but Draxum’s intensity made Lou shift uneasily. “Why do you think that paperwork couldn’t be destroyed? Yokai children are relatively rare! A parent’s right to their child exists only so long as the child is not endangered. Then anyone can establish guardianship! What did you do, raise them in a sewer?!”
Lou sputtered. “Well – where else could I take them after you mutated me?! It’s not like I could go back to claim my estate!”
“No, you just let them wander into Big Mama’s clutches! The very act of endangerment which now gives her total legal and mystical right to their lives!”
“But she’s the one endangering them!”
“You did it first!” Draxum snarled. “You should have never removed them from my lab! I have proof of parentage, a connection to yokai society, and wealth – I had wealth – all required conditions for guardianship!”
“You were going to raise them to be soldiers!”
“And now they will be raised for entertainment! If those wards are linked to the guardianship contracts, there is no way to remove them without revoking her claim.” He threw the papers on the floor in disgust.
“There has to be a way!” Lou’s fists were shaking. “We can – if I can prove guardianship – my children –”
The sudden whispering made them both turn. The gargoyles were hiding behind some of the rubble. Both of them were munching on mooncakes.
“Oh – don’t mind us!” Hugin said cheerfully. “This is better than watching our favorite soaps!”
Munin nodded vigorously. “The tension! The drama! The obvious solution!”
Draxum’s vines shot up from the floor and snapped around them, crushing their arms to their bodies so hard that each of them spat out their mooncakes. He brought them closer, within easy reach of both Lou and Draxum, their faces dark and thunderous.
“Where are my mooncakes?” Lou said dangerously.
“What solution?” Draxum growled, eyes flashing.
Huginn swallowed. “Well, er – boss – I don’t know if you remember that human soap we were watching, The Wild Hearts of the Women of Sobbing Gardens?”
Lou’s face lit up. “You get telenovas down here?”
“Yeah!” Huginn nodded eagerly. “We were just starting season 3, and we reached the part where Andrés kidnapped the heir to the Caballero-Alonso fortune in the heir’s own antique trunk, but there was a note from the mother inside the pillowcase –”
Munin gasped. “Oh, I see where you’re going with this!”
“I don’t,” Draxum snapped.
“I do,” Lou said. He turned a terrible shade of puce.
“Lemme finish!” Munin wiggled a hand free and pointed back and forth. “In the show, Rosalía and her enemy ex-twin’s husband Jorge must join their families to rescue Isabella! Boss, you have proof of parentage because you made the turtles –”
“With Lou Jitsu’s DNA!” Hugin added.
“Yeah! And since the Boss has a connection to yokai society –”
“A criminal connection,” Lou muttered.
“I’m a guild master!”
“And he’s rich!” Hugin said, pointing to Lou. “Assuming he gets his hands on his human estate, you both have what you need to qualify for guardianship together!”
Draxum stared at them. “You want us…to marry?”
Lou put his face in his hand.
“They might even pardon the Boss,” Munin added. “Since yokai kids are so rare, raising them is more important than making you do time.”
“And we’d get all the dog beds we wanted!” Hugin added with relish.
Lou looked desperately at Draxum.
“It…could work,” Draxum admitted, painfully. He looked like he’d just been hit in the face with the consequences of his actions. Which, of course, he had. “We’ll need a lawyer.”
“I need a bucket,” Lou said faintly. He turned to throw up over the side of the wall.
Munin felt around the vines and gasped. “Hey, when did you eat my last moon cake?!”
Donnie was in the library nearly every day after his revelation about the wards. He was sure he could hack it, give it enough time.
But there were critical gaps in his knowledge. There was only so much he could deduce from texts written for a much more advanced audience. Lolly had said that energy was energy. But where did that energy come from? Why did some spells use the power of its user, while others used power from the environment? Why were some spells just a matter of hand gestures, while others required speech?
Offensive spells often required the power of a written diagram. That was mostly why he hadn’t used them in the arena; it was hard to pull out his Grimoire and thumb through it in the middle of a fight. But why did these spells require drawings at all? It was just ink on paper! How did energy come from a mere scribble?
And yet there was energy, even if he couldn’t explain or identify it. The lack of understanding was frustrating. And dangerous. He needed to know how to manipulate the energy in the wards to keep it from blowing up in his face. He was missing critical theory.
He couldn’t even study the smaller wards blocking Big Mama’s hallways. Their construction was in no way analogous. The hallway wards didn’t have biological keys. They weren’t even anchored to the same type of artifact. He wouldn’t have a way to test his counterspells, so the theory and math needed to be as perfect as he could get them.
All this meant that hacking the ward was taking days, not mere hours.
So Donnie spent every day in the library, trying to design a hack for a powerful warding spell without theory or practice to guide his attempts. Raph kept him company by napping at the tables. Donnie wasn’t sure how that counted as actual supervision, but he wasn’t about to complain. Mikey stayed to draw until he got bored, then went to the kitchens.
The only time Donnie saw Leo was in the morning, when they ate with Big Mama, and in the evenings. Breakfast with Big Mama was…upsetting. Donnie refused to look at her and practically attacked his food instead. Raph was oddly subdued. Mikey ran the spectrum from scared to angry. Only Leo seemed unaffected, constantly bright, happy, and engaged.
Big Mama seemed to sense their discomfort and enjoy it. One time, she tapped a fresh cut on Raph’s arm and laughed when he shied away. Donnie hissed and she laughed at that, too. The sole reason he didn’t try to bite her hand off was Leo, waving ever-so-casually behind her.
Not yet, he mouthed.
So Donnie didn’t. But he kept watching Leo.
Leo was different. Brighter, sharper. Charming. It was a weird word to think about his twin. The typical adjective that came to mind was “annoying.” But he could shift from laughing to nodding seriously to wide-eyed-Mikey-esque innocence at a moment’s notice, especially in front of Big Mama. He’d tell “secrets” to their guards until they corrected him with real information, and then he’d drink up their every word.
Other people were looking more and more at Leo, too. Even the porters and bell hops were reluctantly drawn in. When the Star Series ended and the next one began, a few of the bell hops gave them the latest editions of their own action figures. It was like Leo had become a sun with other people orbiting around him. Donnie began viewing Leo as a social litmus test. If Leo was smiling and happy, everything was still okay. Nothing really bad had happened yet.
And then one night Donnie woke up at 2 AM to the sound of Leo vomiting.
Raph and Mikey were still asleep. Donnie slipped out of the pillow nest and padded silently to the bathroom.
Leo was hunched over the toilet. He’d lean back every so often to flush (the toilet just…swallowed it, ugh, no, why) and slumped over the bathtub instead. His breathing was fast and shallow.
“Leo?”
Leo heaved, lurching forward to spatter the toilet with flecks of bile. His head was down so Donnie couldn’t see his face. It smelled awful. Donnie’s stomach churned. Leo still hadn’t answered. Donnie clamped one hand over his nose and stepped closer. He set one hand on Leo’s shell.
“Are you sick?”
Leo swallowed, panting heavily. After a minute he shook his head.
“…Do you need Raph?”
“N-” Leo started, and threw up again.
The smell of vomit and saliva was making Donnie nauseous. It couldn’t be helping Leo, either. So he held his breath, bent down, and wrapped both arms under Leo’s armpits. He dragged his brother over to the fluffy bath rug and propped him up against the wall.
Leo looked terrible. His eyes were glassy and his scales were so pale they looked like wax. Donnie sucked in a breath. He’d looked tired when they’d gone to bed a few hours ago, but he didn’t look like a walking corpse.
“What happened?” he blurted.
“There was – so much blood –”
Donnie’s stomach lurched. Leo was bleeding? Had he been injured? No, he’d been fine all evening, he’d been – unless the bleeding was internal –
“Dee, what’re you doing?” Leo tugged Donnie’s hands away from his plastron. “Hey, I’m okay. It wasn’t me.”
“Are you hurt?” Donnie demanded.
“No. I… Can I have some water?”
Donnie got a cup from under the sink. He got the water and Leo drank it sip by sip, sitting with his knees drawn up.
Something had happened today. Not at the Battlegrounds, since Donnie and Raph had been with them the whole time. Somewhere else. After training, Big Mama had –
“Where did she take you?”
“Bottom floor,” Leo said hoarsely. “Pit.”
“Are you hurt?”
“No.”
“…Is someone else hurt?”
Leo made a weird noise, tried to drink, and hiccupped. Water spewed out of his nose. He started choking and coughing way too hard and threw up the water he’d drank. Donnie shuddered. At least Leo had aimed for the cup. He took it wordlessly and went back to the sink for a new one. When he returned, Leo had set his chin on his knees, breathing raggedly.
“Don’t tell Raph,” he rasped.
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
Donnie held out the cup, but Leo turned away from it. Donnie put it down and scooted next to Leo so that their arms were pressed together. Leo was shaking. Donnie leaned forward, tucked his head under Leo, then sort of scooped him over so Leo was half-laying on Donnie’s shell.
Leo curled up on him immediately. Donnie could feel the way Leo shook everywhere. He could feel Leo breathing and, if he focused, his heart rate. Donnie took slow, deep breaths. Leo kept crying. It felt like a long time before he began to breathe along with Donnie.
When Leo spoke again, his voice was thready and broken. “She’s going to make us fight soon. I met our new trainer. Tigerclaw. He – he said he’d show me what I’d learn, and then he – he did. On someone else.” Leo took a shuddering breath. “I thought…if we were cute little kids, she’d wait. I messed up. I said something about – about training, and Raph – it’s my fault.”
Donnie felt a nasty twist in his chest. He hated whatever had done this to his twin. He suddenly, passionately, hated Big Mama with every individual cell in his body. “I could try to kill Big Mama,” he said coldly. “Or the trainer. Both. I know the spells –”
“Don’t – !” Leo jerked, clutching Donnie’s shell. “You can’t, she has protection spells, and you’re the only one who’s done any mystics. She’ll know it’s you. You’ll make her mad. She – the pit – she makes all the rules here, Donnie, there is no way to win.”
“So don’t play,” Donnie said flatly.
Leo choked. Then he laughed, just a little. “I can’t not play. If I stop, we’d end up just like everyone else in the Nexus, and I’ve seen what happens to them.” He dropped his head to Donnie’s shell.
“Leo,” Donnie said quietly, “can we still wait for Dad to come?”
More tears streaked Leo’s face. “No,” he whispered.
Donnie took a deep breath. “I think I can hack through the wards around the Nexus.”
Leo’s head jerked up. “You can?”
“In theory. Obviously, I don’t have the luxury of a trial run, but I triple-checked my spellwork today and the math is sound.”
“Mystic math?” Leo repeated, sounding slightly dazed.
“Yes, mystic math. And I memorized several stasis spells to avoid mystic backlash when doing repairs. I think I can get us through. I have everything I need to do it tonight.”
“Okay. Okay.” Leo scrubbed his face with his hands and took a deep breath. “Let’s wake up Raph and Mikey. We’re leaving right now.”
A/N: Splinter may be a cake-loving couch potato, but he'd do anything for his boys. Even…ugh…marry Draxum. (Don't worry, he's getting a prenup, Draxum will not be using our boys as soldiers.)
Big Mama's Four Little Gems Chapter 4: Intermission Part II: Mikey and Leo
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
Ao3 Link Tumblr Masterpost
A/N: This chapter gets intense because we see a bit of Leo's day with Big Mama. Nothing graphic, but this is a woman who kidnapped kids and holds fights to the death. Leo sucks up and Big Mama treats him like a breakable doll. If you want to skip the parts with Big Mama, skip to the line "Leo was so scared he didn’t really feel it." I have a summary of the Big Mama part in the end notes.
Trigger warnings include: Child captivity, emotional manipulation of a child, social pressure, implied or direct threats of violence, implied murder, implied dismemberment.
III. Mikey’s Fanmail
“Library, library, library, library,” Donnie chanted under his breath. He was trying to tug Lolly down the hall in the appropriate direction.
Mikey sighed and flopped over Raph’s shoulder. He wasn’t quite small enough; Raph was holding his arm out like a chicken wing to balance him. “The library’s boring. All we do is color.”
“You could read, you troglodyte.”
“What about a nap?” Raph suggested.
Mikey narrowed his eyes. Raph had been napping a lot lately. He still played, but only in short spurts. Mikey sniffed. Raph didn’t smell sick. He didn’t feel hot, either.
Lolly glanced over. “You eating enough, old man?”
“’M just tired,” Raph mumbled.
Donnie scowled. “Well, sleep in the library! I have books to read, people!”
Mikey decided to have mercy on Raph. “Donnnieeeee,” he whined, slumping down over Raph. “We go to the library every day! I want a break.”
“Oh yeah?” Lolly asked. “What do you want to do?”
“I…um…oh! I want to watch Lou Jitsu!”
Raph caught him as he flailed. “We don’t have a projector.”
“Scoff! I can make one! I’ll need a cardboard box, a magnifying glass, a mirror –”
They detoured to the maintenance hallway to get the materials. They came perilously close to the library, but the thought of Lou Jitsu was enough to pull Donnie back. Mikey was getting a little excited. It felt like it had been forever since they’d watched a movie! They all but sprinted back to their room with the supplies.
They room was the usual disaster zone. Several pillow fights had left the ground sprinkled with bits of stuffing. The bed itself was a chaotic vortex of shredded blankets and way too many pillows. Raph’s kinetic toy was half-stuffed under the mattress. The corners of the room were piled a few feet high with fanmail. Some of their favorite ones were taped to the wall. The dresser had been converted into Donnie’s makeshift lab – he’d even moved the lava lamp next to it for creepy lighting.
They cleared a space on the floor and picked the wall next to the bed, since there wasn’t much on it. Donnie was in his element, bossing them around. Mikey and Raph figured out the more complicated bits. Mikey insisted on decorating the box.
“And – voila!” Donnie stepped back with a flourish. The homemade projector sat at an angle on the floor, propped up by a pillow. It was decorated in stylish flowers and lightning bolts. “I added in a selfie to test the sharpness of the image. Of course, it needed a light source, so I cast Ossam’s Optical Illusion spell on an empty perfume bottle –”
“We know, we were there,” Raph said flatly.
Mikey grinned and pumped his fists. “Mo-vie! Mo-vie! Mo-vie!”
“Alright, alright! Behold, the first-ever fusion of technology and mystics! I call it…mys-tech!”
He turned it on. A giant sketch of Donnie appeared on the wall, grinning smugly down at them. It looked just like their projector at home!
“Cool!” Mikey gushed, running up to touch the wall.
“That’s amazing, Donnie!” Raph punched Donnie lightly in the arm.
Mikey grinned and bounced on his feet. “What should we watch first?”
The words had barely left his mouth when Mikey froze. The three of them looked at each other.
They didn’t have their movies.
“Forget something?” Lolly asked innocently.
Raph growled and threw up his hands. “Forget this, I’m going to bed.”
“Night-night, old man,” Donnie said, already scuttling towards the door.
Raph caught his shoulder. “Nu-uh, you’re not allowed in the library unsupervised.”
“Mikey can go with me!”
Mikey pretended to die of boredom, which included lots of dramatic moaning and flopping around until he collapsed.
“Lolly can go with me!”
“No. Last time, Lolly suggested painting the walls.”
Donnie sputtered. “You thought it was fun!”
“Yeah and then you nearly got fried painting a sigil. No library for Lolly.”
Lolly raised a hand. “Can I say something in my own defense?”
“Yes,” Donnie said quickly.
“It was pretty funny.”
Mikey burst out laughing. Donnie drooped. Raph turned and stomped towards the bed, grumbling under his breath. Something about “know how Pops feels” and “gray hairs.”
“I’ll show you gray hairs!” Donnie snapped. “I’ll invent a spell to turn every hair on your head steel-gray! …And another spell to give you hair!”
“Ew,” Mikey giggled.
“Ew, indeed, Michael,” Donnie sniffed. He swept dramatically towards the dresser. A flick of his fingers activated the lava lamp, which now glowed a soft purple. Mikey had to admit, it was pretty cool.
Except that it left Mikey with nothing to do. Raph was gonna nap like Dad, which meant he’d be out for at least a few hours. Donnie was going to get sucked into science-y stuff – he’d been copying tons of spells into his grimoire, and storing lots of weird ingredients in the dresser drawers. One of the drawers was making a weird scuttling noise, like something was alive inside. Mikey was ignoring this for the sake of his own health.
But Mikey had nothing to do and he was bored. Again!
Lolly noticed and nudged him. “Want me to take you to the kitchen?”
“Is he allowed to go unsupervised?” Donnie asked sarcastically.
Raph raised his head, eyes still closed. “Is the mean cat gonna be there?”
“She’s so mean,” Mikey agreed. “And yeah!”
“Okay.” Raph dropped back to the pillow and started snoring.
Donnie turned back to his desk, grumbling worse than Raph and rearranging glass bottles a little too forcefully.
Mikey opened his mouth to say yes, he wanted to go to the kitchen. Then his head snapped around and he gasped.
“We can paint the walls here!”
Lolly nodded thoughtfully. “I don’t see why not.”
He pulled about a million paint pots out of his sleeves and let Mikey stand on his shoulders to reach up high. Mikey climbed up eagerly. He wanted to paint Lou Jitsu doing one of his signature kicks. Oh! And fighting the lizard queen, like Leo said!
(Well, technically that was from Jupiter Jim. But crossovers were cool!)
The first attempt was a struggle. He started by painting Lou Jitsu’s face, which looked fine when he was up high, but when he climbed back to the floor it looked slanted and weird. Lolly had the idea to draw an outline and then project it on the wall. Mikey agreed. He thought maybe he could draw on the back of some fanmail, just to practice the poses.
The fanmail was…weird. He could tell most of it was written by adults. They asked for training tips, or wrote about how cool their moves were, or suggested new themes. But some of it was definitely from kids. These were mostly scribbles or sketches. But the first one he picked up was a pretty good drawing. It showed Mikey and his brothers doing the Pirate series. Mikey was in the middle, grabbing a treasure chest. His three brothers battled ghosts around him.
He’d sort of forgotten about their first fight. Looking at the drawing made him feel funny. He couldn’t really figure out why. He tucked it into his shell pocket and reached for another piece.
He made a few sketches, and then Lolly helped him trace the best one onto the glass Donnie had used for his selfie. Then they projected the outline onto the wall. It was way easier to paint when he was just coloring in the lines. (They covered up the slanted Lou Jitsu with a bigger Lou Jitsu hair poof.)
The sketch he’d made showed Lou Jitsu high-kicking the lizard queen in the chin. Lou was wearing his signature outfit, except Mikey had added lightning bolts down the side of his pants, because it was way cooler that way. Drawing lizards was hard, so the lizard queen looked kind of blobby, but she had her weird squiggle-crown and scepter, so everyone would know who she was. They were both mostly colored in after a couple of hours.
“Not bad,” Lolly said, stepping back so they could both take a look. He wasn’t holding Mikey’s ankles like Raph would, but that’s because Mikey could balance really well. “Are you going to add a background or are you going more for those spiky special effect lines?”
“I don’t know…both?” He actually wanted to add in himself and his brothers, but that sounded like a lot of work.
“Hey, you want a break? You sound a little weird.”
Mikey felt a little weird. It was weird not being able to watch Lou Jitsu movies, even though he’d watched them every day forever. It was weird to look at a drawing of Lou Jitsu and not hear Dad getting all excited about the lightning bolt pants.
“I want to get down,” he told Lolly.
“Sure, sure. C’mon. We’ll get you some juice, yeah?”
“Yeah.” He handed Lolly the paints and climbed down. Raph was still sleeping, so Mikey went over to Donnie and reached a slightly paint-covered hand toward Donnie’s grimoire.
Donnie’s hand snapped out. “Touch and die, Angie.”
“I’m going to the kitchen.”
“Good, good, yes, can you bring back some broccoli? Not the human stuff, the orange yokai stuff. I need it for unspecified reasons.”
“’Kay.”
It felt weird to leave without saying goodbye to Raph. But Raph was so tired, and Mikey didn’t want to wake him up.
Oswald and Gerry stayed at the bedroom doors, and Lolly took Mikey down to the kitchen. Mikey could have gone there himself by now. A few goons and some hotel guests tried to talk to him. Mikey smiled and waved, but didn’t really reply. He was still feeling weird all over.
Maybe Saoirse could tell, because the second they walked in, she took one look at him and scooped him up herself and scowled at Lolly.
“You’d better not be the reason he’s moping, you light-fingered scoundrel.”
“Excuse you, I’m a delight,” Lolly said instantly, and somehow stole a whole tray of chocolate croissants on the way out.
Mikey tugged lightly on her coat. “Um, are we going to do pastries today?”
“That takes actual witchcraft, and I’m not convinced you have the focus for it today. You’ll watch milk until I’m sure you’re ready. Naomi, he’ll take those carrot tops. There – now sit here, I’ll pour some juice, and you’ll let me know the very second that pot of milk boils.”
She set him up on his usual counter. Naomi brought him a whole plate of vegetable ends from chopping, and let him pick how to season it (just plain salt and a little cayenne today). Saoirse brought him juice. The milk had only just started to heat up. Mikey crossed his legs and ate his snack very slowly.
But he finished all of it and the milk still hadn’t boiled. The weird feeling was coming back.
His thoughts drifted back to the mural, and then their room. He realized very suddenly that he didn’t like their room. That made no sense. It was a nice room! There were soft blankets, and pillows, and warm baths whenever he wanted. It wasn’t anything like the Lair. The Lair was usually cold, and the lights didn’t always work.
He sniffed. The weird feeling was getting heavier. It sat in his lungs like he’d been breathing a thick soup. He tried to take a deep breath. The sound of the kitchen washed over him – cutting, stirring, bubbling, blending. It smelled like fresh salad and rich, buttery pastries. Tears pricked his eyes.
Jorge walked by, carrying a huge colander of freshly scrubbed carrots. He set them down next to Mikey. “Whatcha got there?”
Mikey looked down. He’d taken out the piece of fan art without realizing it. He’d been folding it into little squares. “It’s just mail.”
Jorge grinned slyly. On some lizards, that might look scary, but Mikey grew up with Raph and he could tell real smiles when he saw them. “Oh? One o’ yer fans, then, eh? Well go on, let’s see!”
Mikey unfolded it and held it out.
Jorge nodded approvingly. “Heeeey, that’s pretty good! Don’ you like it?”
“There’s no scars,” Mikey said. His voice didn’t sound right, even to his own ears. Jorge frowned. “There’s supposed to be curse marks. It hurt.”
Jorge stopped chopping – he’d been julienning them, cutting them into slim strips – and ducked a little to look closer. “That was weeks ago. Izzit still botherin’ you? D’you need to go to the healer?”
Mikey shook his head. “They can only fix the outside.”
Jorge frowned again. Suddenly Mikey heard a fizzing sound. He gasped, whipped around, and grabbed the milk pot.
Milk wasn’t like water. When it boiled, it boiled fast. It could swell up and spill over the sides. Mikey lifted the pot straight up. The milk barely had time to froth at all, sinking back down to a simmer.
“Chef Saoirse,” Mikey called. To his surprise, he heard Jorge’s voice echoing his, though he sounded a lot more urgent.
The black cat had been working with Naomi, the seahorse, trying to fix her custard tarts. There was a whole crowd of cooks between them, but somehow Saoirse slipped through like a shadow.
“Did you catch it in time?” Saoirse asked briskly. Then, “Ah.”
“I’ll get ice,” Jorge said quickly.
Mikey looked down. He was still holding the pot. But he hadn’t grabbed it by the handles, he’d grabbed it by the sides. He hadn’t noticed.
“Ow,” Mikey said, like a reflex. Then suddenly it felt like he’d swallowed the boiling milk, because his chest burned and his stomach boiled and he was way too hot. His lungs squeezed and his face screwed up.
“Pot down,” Saoirse ordered. He put it down and took a shuddering breath. Saoirse picked him up. He turned his face into her shoulder and wailed, curling his hands into his chest. It hurt. It hurt so much and he wished Raph was there, and Donnie, and Leo, and Dad.
“I got ice,” came Jorge’s voice.
“Should we fetch a healer?” someone else asked.
Mikey shook his head frantically, digging his claws into Saoirse’s chef coat. He was careful not to rip it, but he didn’t want to let go.
“H-healers only f-fix the outside,” Mikey sobbed. “It h-hurts on the inside.”
“Napkin,” Saoirse ordered. There was an abnormally loud rustle. Mikey looked up. Tears streamed down his face and everything was blurry, but half the kitchen had turned to offer napkins and towels. The tight pressure in Mikey’s lungs eased, just a little.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
Saoirse took a napkin from Lodi, the shark, and held it to Mikey’s face.
“Blow,” she ordered.
He did. He had to blow a few times.
She nodded approvingly. “Now. What hurts?”
Mikey grimaced and pressed one hand to his plastron. “My tummy. I feel sick. But not like a cold. My…my feelings are sick.”
“His feelings?” someone asked, nonplussed.
Lodi snapped a fin. “Oh! Are you homesick?”
“Yeah.” Mikey’s face screwed up again. “I want to go home. Why can’t we go home? I want my daddy!”
“There, there,” Saoirse said, a little too stiffly. Mikey kind of wanted to laugh, except then she patted his shell, and her claws felt so much like Splinter’s that Mikey burst into tears all over again. Saoirse said something, and someone else tried to hold Mikey, but he didn’t want to let go of Saoirse.
It took a few minutes for him to stop crying. Crying hurt, but afterward, his lungs didn’t feel so tight. Saoirse made him drink some cool water so he wasn’t quite as hot. When he finally let Saoirse put him down on the counter, Naomi came over with some squashed-looking pastries. She quailed a little when Saoirse looked at her.
“Well – I couldn’t fix them, so, um.”
“Yes, yes.” Saoirse waved her forward.
Naomie set the plate next to Mikey and handed him one. “Here,” she said warmly. “Healers put medicine on outside wounds, right? This is medicine for an inside wound.”
Mikey took a big bite. Layers and layers of sugary crust surrounded a lemon custard center. The lemon mixed in his mouth and half-melted the sugar, turning it buttery and soft. He felt it go all the way down to his stomach. His tummy settled a little, like it remembered where it was supposed to be in his body. He sniffed hard and scraped the back of one hand against his eyes.
“Thank you, Naomi,” he said meekly.
“Alright, there, love?” asked a plump pigeon, one of the bakers.
Saoirse glared around. People hadn’t stopped working, exactly, but they’d definitely slowed down. Mikey smiled and giggled a little. This, more than Saoirse’s glare, seemed to persuade everyone to keep working.
Jorge peeked over Naomie’s spiny shoulder. “Now, how’s a bit o’ fanmail got you all worked up?”
“Jorge,” Saoirse started, growling.
“Just gettin’ my carrots, Chef!”
“We get hurt a lot,” Mikey explained. “It’s really scary. But everyone cheers when it happens. And then we get fanmail like it didn’t happen. But it did, and it’s still scary, and Daddy’s not here. Why isn’t Daddy coming for us?”
“You’re not orphans?” Naomi asked, surprised.
“No! We have Daddy!”
“Okay, okay!” Naomi raised her hands. “It’s just, turtle yokai are pretty rare, and I think we would’ve noticed an old turtle guy running around.”
Mikey rolled his eyes and took another bite of pastry. “He’s not a turtle, he’s a rat.”
This time the whole kitchen fell silent.
He looked around. “What?”
“A rat?” Lodi asked, his fins paused over a giant vat of soup. His voice was oddly strangled. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah I’m sure! He’s a rat and he’s a ninja. He goes like, ‘Hi-yah!’” Mikey demonstrated, chopping with his free hand.
The pigeon baker shook her head. “You mean that lunatic who keeps attacking the Nexus –”
“Don’t,” Saoirse warned, but Mikey’s eyes widened.
“Daddy was here?”
“He was,” Saoirse said guardedly. “But Big Mama –”
“Is he still here? Can we go? I want to see Daddy!”
“He left, but –”
“I wanna see Daddy!”
He dropped the pastry and sprang off the counter. Then he was through Jorge’s legs and past Saoirse’s tail and out the door.
A passing goon saw Mikey running by himself. He gave a shout. Mikey growled and ran faster. He didn’t know the way out. He didn’t want to get caught and put back in his room. He’d just have to find Big Mama! They’d listen to her! He just had to tell her Daddy was here. Then they could all go home!
IV. Leo’s Face
“…and we’re going to start the Star Series tomorrow, I can’t wait to see our costumes!”
The reporter, a mongoose, smiled down at him. “Same here! Your outfits certainly a statement. Did you pick that kimono?”
“Oh, this?” Leo laughed and did a little spin. The silky fabric was a beautiful, vivid blue. The embroidered branches glittered with real ruby flowers. “Do you like it? Big Mama picked it out! I love the way the flowers match my stripes.”
The photographers behind the mongoose snapped away. He grinned and posed. They were in the lobby, which had a high ceiling. The chandeliers shed soft white light at magically perfect angles for photographs. There were a few reporters behind the photographers, but only the mongoose had gotten permission to interview him. Leo’s stomach fluttered and buzzed. They were hanging on his every word!
“Do your brothers have matching kimonos? We’d love to interview the four of you together, it never feels the same without the full set!”
“Oh, matching kimonos would be so pretty!” Leo gushed, smiling his very brightest. “We could each wear our own color – mine is blue, the best color – and the design could be someone else! Did you know these are real rubies?”
The mongoose took the hint and moved on. “How is our favorite brawler doing, by the way? Some of our analysts are saying that he hasn’t landed quite as many punches as he did in his first week. Is our raging Ruby feeling the fatigue?”
“Are you kidding?” Leo spread his hands. “He’s the one always encouraging us to train! Nah, he’s just leaving some of the action for the rest of us. Especially Topaz – little brothers love the limelight!” He grinned cheekily. A few of the photographers laughed.
Big Mama dropped from neatly from the ceiling, hanging from her thread in human form like an elegant ballerina.
“I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today!” she said cheerfully, one hand stroking over Leo’s scalp. He giggled and hid his face behind his sleeves. She wasn’t trying to dig her nails in at all, but she had before and they were sharp. “Be a good host and say goodbye, Lapis!”
“Bye everyone!” He grinned brightly and waved, tucking himself close to Big Mama. “Thank you so much for coming! And a big special thank you to everyone who sent us fanmail. I hope you’ll come see the Star Series tomorrow!”
They wrapped up fairly quickly. Big Mama’s goons escorted the reporters out. Big Mama herself went up the huge curving staircase, her hand resting on the back of Leo’s neck.
“I hope that wasn’t too tiresome for my little Lapis!”
“No, Big Mama!” Leo chirped. Yes it was. He was tired and he wanted a snack and some sleep. Since when did he want a nap in the middle of the day? He shoved the tiredness into a box and pushed it to the back of his mind. “What do we get to do next?”
She tapped one perfectly polished nail against her scarlet lips. She’d painted her nails a vivid, almost poisonous blue to complement Leo’s kimono. “Let’s see…A brief check-in with my business team, then a meeting with some new business partners of the piratical persuasion. If we finish early, we can catch the twilight Death Match and eat tea and cookies!”
“I love cookies!” Leo said brightly. “And tea,” he added, with just the right amount of childish resignation.
Big Mama laughed and pulled him closer. “Now, now, don’t try too hard! The trick of lying, my dear, is not to let people know you’re doing it until it’s far too late.”
“Yes, Big Mama!”
“Try not to sound quite so eager, turtley-boo.” Her nails dug ever so slightly into his neck.
“Why not?” He turned his face fully to face her, so she could see his sincerity. “You’re powerful because people listen to you. I want to do that, too. I want to be just like you, Big Mama.”
She laughed again. “There’s my sparkling jewel! I knew you showed promise. How about a little treat? If you impress me today, I’ll let you design matching outfits for you and your brothers.”
Leo’s eyes lit up. “Lou Jitsu outfits!” he squealed, clapping his hands. Big Mama laughed and stroked his scalp again. No claws. He grinned. He knew Big Mama would like it.
“By the way, my wretched little sweetling, what was that about Ruby’s training?”
Leo went cold, but he kept smiling away. That was the sugary tone she used when she watched Death Matches. He didn’t know what she was getting at but it couldn’t be good. Abort, abort, abort –
Leo grinned and punched the air. “He likes to smash things! But it’s kind of boring, because he just does the same punches every time. There’s a whole world of ninjosity out there! At least the obstacle courses make him use other moves.” That was fine, right? He needed her to see Raph as boring. Strong, but boring.
She hummed. “Disciplined, but stubborn. He sounds so much like my snugglemuffin Lou Jitsu…”
He listened to her talk for a bit, nodding in all the right places. He asked lots of questions about Lou’s most famous fights. She liked talking about those. Lou Jitsu fought hydras and dragons and a hundred warriors all at once. It really did sound amazing. She kind of got mushy about it sometimes, which was gross, but also kind of funny.
And it was way better than her talking about Raph.
The meeting was boring enough. Just numbers and advertisements. How to get more people to buy tickets when they kept saturating the market. He made an off-hand comment about reselling their own tickets at a lower price, which got everybody very excited for a little bit. Big Mama pinched his cheek. Hard. That meant she liked it, but she was annoyed at not thinking of it first.
The pirates were, disappointingly, even more boring.
There were five of them. Two cat people, a witch, a heron, and a beaver. They all wore suits with ties and diamond cufflinks. Except for the whole species thing, they looked like they belongs on Wall Street.
“Big Mama,” bustled the beaver. “Such a pleasure. You have a lovely establishment.”
The witch nodded. “I placed bets on some of the fighters on my way in.” She glanced at Leo. “Nice kids, by the way. My niece loves their act.”
Big Mama squealed and pinched Leo’s cheek. “Aren’t they darling? My stylish Lapis is simply my crown jewel!”
The witch nodded. “My niece loves their act. Told her she can’t join the Nexus until she’s older, though. It’s only good for watching if she can actually put up a fight. Too young and they’re just a sob story.”
Big Mama laughed. “Too true, my dear! My four little wretches are such tragic figures. But they’re as noble, stoic, and durable as Lou Jitsu himself. They may as well be literal diamonds in the rough!”
Leo giggled and hid his face behind his sleeves. She cooed. She liked it when he got bashful about her compliments.
“Any bets on them, then?” the heron asked. Something about the way he glanced at Leo made him feel slimy. “I might place one or two myself.”
Big Mama smiled wider. “Oh, wonderful, darling, simply wonderful! Yes, the Battle Nexus is a fantastic source for entertainment and relaxation. I hope you’ll all stay for the Death Matches later tonight! Now, on to our own little main event – a tour of a few little trinkets I’ve collected over the years!”
Big Mama started to lead them through some of the halls where she kept magical artifacts or portraits on display. Leo knew them pretty well by now, but sometimes she changed the displays and brought stuff out of her vault. There weren’t a lot of guards down these halls. Instead, there were heavy-duty wards at the corners. Big Mama deactivated them with a flick of her wrist.
One hallway held a bunch of statues in the image of her favorite past champions. She always stopped at Lou Jitsu’s statue the longest. She went all mushy again, daydreaming about his muscles until even the pirates started to roll their eyes (where she couldn’t see). It was pretty funny. The statue was pretty cool, though. It had his vintage feathery cape-sleeves and he was wielding a pair of nun chucks.
Dad would love this statue.
Leo’s stomach did a weird little flop. He knew Dad was trying to break in. Big Mama had told him a few days ago, trying to distract him from a game of chess. It had been weird to keep playing her games when he knew Dad was somewhere close by.
Then again, it wasn’t that different. Raph had told them Dad would come. Now it was just a waiting game. Maybe Leo could show him the statue when Dad broke in. He might geek out over it worse than Big Mama. Leo grinned to himself and followed the group.
The next hallway led to another one full of life-size portraits. That was new. Each portrait had a small stand in front of it, topped with a glass case. Curious, Leo approached the painting of a heavily scarred crocodile. The glass case in front of it held a desiccated, reptilian hand.
Leo kept his face mildly curious, but his guts turned to lead. Is this what happened to dead champions? What would happen if one of his brothers got killed? Would their shells wind up on display, right here, where Leo would have to look at them every day?
Suddenly Big Mama was there, stroking his neck. “Do you like my mementos, dear?”
“He looks scary,” Leo said quietly, peeking up at her.
“He was terrifying,” she purred, leading him away.
He put the scary thoughts in a box and sat on it. It wouldn’t happen. He smiled and chatted with Big Mama, then the beaver. The cats looked mildly amused when he insisted they compare claws with him.
The next hallway was full of jewelry sitting on velvet cushions along both walls.
“Oh, wow!” Leo raced over to a gold ring with a fire opal the size of his whole fist. “That’s so pretty! Big Mama, can I try it on?”
She giggled and chucked a finger under his chin. “Of course not, silly gemling! That ring belonged to a Master of Necromantic Alchemy. It kills anyone who wears it by turning their body into gold!”
Leo yelped and leaped away. The heron laughed. The two cats, however, looked very interest.
“Gold, you say?” one hissed, while the other rubbed its paws together.
“Yes, it can make the most marvelous statues – though I doubt you’ll get the pose you’d like!”
The beaver peered at a pair of amethyst earrings. “Are all of them cursed, then?”
She gave a girlish laugh. “Just a few! Most of these are my fantabulous favorites. Though I hardly have much occasion to wear them. Business formal is such a bore, don’t you agree? I might as well sell off the whole lot, I hardly ever wear it! Oh, but I love this little bracelet, the charm complements my eyes perfectly –”
She went back and forth, not-so-subtly offering to sell it while complimenting her own good taste. It was kind of funny, because Leo could see what she was doing, but nobody else seemed to notice. The cats were getting restless, eyeing the gems greedily. The beaver kept offering to hold an auction for her – with a little jewelry as payment for his trouble.
Only the heron wasn’t quite as enthusiastic. Leo turned to look at a sapphire choker (it really was pretty, and so sparkly). A flash of movement caught his eye. He turned, fast, but the heron was standing a good foot or two away from the case, wings folded neatly behind his back. He looked almost bored. Then he strolled after the rest of the group.
Leo frowned slightly. He walked casually past the cases where the heron had been standing. It was a case full of old snuff bottles, each carved out of jade or polished wood or a single, giant jewel.
Nothing was missing.
He started to grin. A new game. This should be fun.
He strolled casually back to the rest of the group. The heron never made another move. That was fine. Leo could wait. It would be his turn soon enough.
They went down a few more hallways until they were out of the warded areas and in a place Leo recognized. He’d even planned a few escape routes this way. They wound up in one of the prettier conference rooms. Two guards stood outside. Inside, there were tapestries hanging on the walls, and each chair along the table was inlaid with silver spiderwebs.
Big Mama gestured for her companions to seat themselves. “Now! I thought we might specify the terms of our new business venture together.”
The beaver leaned forward. “I’m happy to invest, but what about future growth opportunities? I still say an auction would be a sound financial decision.”
The witch rolled her eyes. “Ignore him, he just prefers liquid assets.”
“Oh, very understandable!” Big Mama agreed lightly. “Empires fall, currencies weaken, but gold is forever. And it’s all so shiny.”
“Yesss,” hissed one of the cats. Its twin gave it a rather firm nudge. “…But investments in future sales are worth more,” it said, with obvious reluctance.
“Could you do both?” Leo asked innocently.
Big Mama gave him a sharp look. He never interrupted. If he couldn’t pull this off, he was in trouble, and he knew it. But he could. The thrill and his own confidence turned his smile wide and lazy.
“What was that, Lapis?” Big Mama asked, too sweetly.
That was fine, she was giving him a chance. His grin broadened. “We were just in a meeting about selling tickets, right? We could number the tickets, and make it a lottery to a special event. We could call it the ‘Heart of the Nexus’ and auction off prizes.”
“So they’d pay twice?” the witch asked, considering. “And more people might buy tickets in the first place…But if they buy without showing up, we’d have empty seats. A waste of money.”
One of the cats hissed again. “Penalize unused tickets.”
“Or buy them back!” Leo put in. “And then resell them, at a higher price!”
The witch definitely looked intrigued now. “Scalping our own tickets. I like it. We’d need a tracking system to penalize buyers, though. I’ve got a few contacts I can use to set up a good spell.”
Big Mama pouted. “My collection has taken quite a lot of work to build. Why would I want to part with any of my trinkety-treasures?"
“It wouldn’t have to be something big!” Leo promised, leaning forward eagerly. He was watching the heron out of the corner of his eye. The big dumb bird might as well have painted a big arrow on his head; he was the only one who hadn’t said a word. “Definitely not jewelry. It looks too good on you, Big Mama! But maybe something small? Something they could easily carry around, so we don’t have to worry about moving heavy stuff.”
The heron didn’t twitch, not exactly. But the feathers on his left wing were suddenly a lot more tense. Leo’s grin widened.
“Maybe we could pick people to be in charge of different categories?” Leo suggested. He allowed his gaze to drift subtly around the room. “You could do the hair pins,” he said, nodding to the witch. “And you could do the cufflinks…you two could do the buttons…and you could do the snuff boxes,” Leo finished, looking straight at the heron. “Look – there’s one in your left sleeve right now!”
If the heron had been smart, he might have tried to bluff. Or sarcastically applaud Leo for theatrics. Leo would’ve tried something clever like that.
The heron was not clever. He leaped to his feet, eyes slightly wild, beak aimed for Leo like a spear. Then the webs on the chair snapped out and yanked him back, wrapping him in a snug cocoon.
Big Mama tutted. “Oh, no, no, this simply will not do. If there’s one rule Big Mama has, it’s no stealing from Big Mama.”
“I didn’t – he –”
“Ah-up-up!” She horked up a web like a cat with a hairball and spat it at the heron’s beak, sealing it shut. “There. Oh, Kevin! Luis!”
The two guards appeared at the door.
“Ma’am.”
“We have another soul to add to the hallway. He’ll look very lovely next to the crocodile.”
The fluttery buzz in Leo’s stomach suddenly curdled. He shot to his feet. “Wait – you’re going to kill him? I thought that hallway was for dead Champions!”
“No, dear,” she purred. “My business rivals.”
The two guards marched up to the heron, who was struggling wildly in his seat. He looked desperately at the other pirates, but they just moved back to give the guards room. The guards picked him up, chair and all. Muffled screams came out of his beak.
“Wait!” Leo rushed to Big Mama’s side even as the guards carried him out the door. “Please, you can’t! He’s supposed to go to jail, it was just a dumb trinket, he didn’t mean –”
Big Mama reached down very casually and closed her hand around Leo’s face. It would almost have felt like she was cupping his chin, but her grip slowly tightened until they pierced his scales and then the muscles of his cheeks. He didn’t want to look at her but she made him. Her eyes were utterly cold, possessive, devouring. She wanted to kill him. He had a sudden, vivid image of her slicing his throat open and cooing about how his blood matched the rubies of his kimono.
“Oh, my wretched little Lapis.” Her voice was sweet, almost calm. “You forget yourself. Never do that again.”
“Y-Yes, Big Mama.”
He didn’t know. He didn’t know. He’d thought it was a stupid game, and he’d just cost someone their life. The sound of the heron’s muffled pleas echoed in his head. He was dizzy. The tips of her nails felt white-hot in his skin.
She released his face and turned smoothly back to her remaining pirate partners. One or two looked unnerved. The rest just looked bored.
“Well, my dears, shall we –”
The doors burst open. For a second, Leo thought the heron had escaped, or the guards had come back. The idea was so consuming that it took a full second to realize that it wasn’t the heron or the guards at all. It was Mikey, fresh from the kitchen with crumbs all over his face.
Time slowed down. That couldn’t be Mikey. Mikey was in the kitchen, out of Big Mama’s notice. Leo was just having a very intense dream. He was still in a nightmare with Big Mama cutting his face. This wasn’t real.
Then Big Mama turned to face Mikey. Reality crashed over Leo’s head and cold ice stabbed down his spine. Mikey couldn’t be here! Not near Big Mama, not when she was already mad!
Mikey ran right up to Big Mama. Leo leaped forward caught him by the shell just in time, heart in his throat.
“Mi – Topaz, don’t!”
“Big Mama, our dad’s here, he can take us home!”
He’s here?!
Leo’s head jerked around to the doorway, as if Splinter might suddenly appear out of thin air. There was nothing. Hope shattered in his lungs. The emotional whiplash nearly made him vomit.
“Now, now, my little Topaz!” Big Mama tutted. “It’s not polite to burst into Big Mama’s meetings!”
“But he’s here!” Mikey said breathlessly, wiggling in Leo’s grip. “He comes here every day to watch us fight, we can go home when he comes back tomorrow!”
Big Mama pouted. “I’m afraid not, my turtley-boo. You see, my darling snufflekins doesn’t want to be part of my scrumptiferous Nexus.”
“I don’t want to be, either!”
Leo’s internal organs liquified. “Sorry!” he croaked, sounding just as breathless as Mikey. “Sorry, Big Mama, I’ll take him –”
She reached out and lightly tapped Mikey under the chin. Her nails were so close to Mikey’s throat. Leo froze.
“Now, now,” she said, her voice at its very sweetest. “It was very irresponsible of my snugglemuffin beefcake to lose track of you four little gems. And it was very magnimonious of Big Mama to take you in. Winning a few eentsy weentsy little scuffles is the least you can do, don’t you think?”
“No! I want to go home! I want to go home!”
“Lapis,” Big Mama said, very softly.
“Yes, Big Mama.” There was no air left in Leo’s lungs, he didn’t know how he sounded, but he got the words out and then hauled Mikey from the room.
Mikey started thrashing and opened his mouth to scream. Leo tripped Mikey so that he’d gasp instead, then all but shoved him out the door. He’d barely gotten it shut before Mikey started bawling.
“Mikey!” Leo hissed, clamping a hand over his mouth.
Mikey bit down, hard.
Leo was so scared he didn’t really feel it. He wrapped his other arm around Mikey as best he could and all but shoved him down the hallway. Mikey gave up biting and let go. Leo tried to grab for Mikey’s hand to pull him, but Mikey yanked his hand back and tried to punch Leo instead.
It was a full-on Mikey Meltdown, and they weren’t anywhere near the room. They needed to be in their room. He couldn’t let them be seen like this.
“Mikey, seriously!” Leo hissed. He kept trying to get behind Mikey, grab him under the armpits so he couldn’t turn around, but Mikey was as slippery as an eel when he wanted to be. Leo finally managed to catch both of Mikey’s wrists. Mikey let his weight drop unexpectedly, nearly yanking Leo to the floor. Mikey kicked up, trying to get Leo’s chin when he was still bent over, then at Leo’s arms to make him let go. Leo staggered and then collapsed.
“Ow!”
The stupid plush carpet dug into his face. The bruises and nail marks on his cheeks thudded with pain.
Mikey froze, staring. “Leo? What happened to your face?”
Leo glanced down at the rug. Great. The makeup had scraped off. “You shoved me to the floor, duh.”
“Not that hard! And you’re bleeding a little, right here and here –”
“Ow, quit poking it!” Leo jerked away and stood up on shaky legs. “I just want some medicine from our room.”
“Okay,” Mikey sniffed. “We can – we can go to our room. And I can kiss it and make it better.”
Leo let Mikey reach up to kiss his cheek. It didn’t make it better. He already knew it wouldn’t, it was just a dumb kid thing, but something about the utter uselessness of it filled him with incandescent rage. He shuddered, trying to pass it off as a flinch of pain. He couldn’t be mad at Mikey, he was just a kid. And anyway he couldn’t set Mikey off again. He shoved the anger in a box and slammed the lid.
Leo took his hand, mostly so Mikey couldn’t run back to Big Mama, and they started walking down the hallway. Then he realized there weren’t any guards around. Where were the goon babysitters?
“How’d you even get here?” He was still breathing kind of hard, and hiding it made his chest hurt, but he made his voice sound normal.
“I ran out of the kitchen really fast. No one could catch me. You’re never where Lolly takes us, so I started looking in places Lolly doesn’t take us. And then I smelled the blueberries you’d eaten for breakfast.”
That was kind of impressive. “Where are Donnie and Raph?”
“In our room. Raph’s tired again, so he wanted to sleep, and Donnie wanted to practice more magic.”
Leo groaned. “Great. He’s probably gonna turn all our pillows into pigs or something.”
“I liked it when he set the perfume on fire!”
Leo diddn’t. That had very nearly been a disaster. Big Mama already knew Donnie was studying mystics. Oswald and Gerry reported all their daily observations to Big Mama. But she thought Donnie was just smart, not mystically powerful. That’s why Leo had agreed with Raph, saying that Donnie needed to stick to defensive magic only. If she knew what Donnie could do, she might make their fights harder.
Except…she did that already. He hadn’t told his brothers, but their fights were always harder after Leo had messed up. A few days ago, he’d been tired from fighting. He’d only smiled half the time for an exclusive Kappa Gem interview. The following day, they’d all nearly been eaten by a venomous mangrove tree. Raph got his shoulder sliced open.
What would she do after today?
They reached their room. Leo gave the babysitters a casual salute. “What up, Wally, Jimmy.”
Oswald scoffed. “Lizard.”
“Not bad! Keep trying and maybe you’ll actually hurt my feelings one day.”
Mikey giggled. Gerry reluctantly opened the door, then used his tail to try and trip him. Leo, without looking, very pointedly stepped on it. Gerry gave a muffled yelp as the door shut behind him.
The usual mess covered nearly all of the room. Raph was sleeping on the bed, practically buried behind piles of pillows. Donnie was sitting at his Mad Scientist Laboratory. He’d carved weird symbols into the wood with his claws, and some of them were glowing. Something scuttled and rattled in one of the drawers. Yay, that wasn’t terrifying at all.
But on the opposite wall was the giant Lou Jitsu painting. It was crude and kiddish, but in a corny comic-book way. Lou was painted twice as large as life, high-kicking a blobby lizard queen in the snout.
“You made that?” Leo asked, surprised. He shouldn’t have been; Mikey painted on anything that would hold still.
Mikey puffed out his chest. “Yeah! Donnie made a projector. Then I traced a big sketch and colored it in. Lolly helped me reach up high. It’s pretty good, huh?”
“It’s really good. I love the lightning on his pants.”
Mikey’s whole face lit up. “Thanks, Leo!”
Donnie’s head snapped around. “If you’re giving compliments how come I don’t get one?” he demanded. And then immediately caught sight of Leo’s face.
“Eugh boy. No, Donnie, wait, no –”
“RAPH WAKE UP, LEO REQUIRES ATTENTION!”
Raph flinched so hard he nearly bounced himself straight off the bed. “Raph’s awake! What? What happened?” he turned to look. “Oh – oh geez, Leo, what happened?”
“Mikey shoved me,” Leo said primly.
“I did not!” Mikey said hotly. Then frowned. “I mean – I did, but I didn’t do that! I think!”
“Are you bleeding?” Raph dropped down from the bed. It was weird. Back home, Raph would practically teleport to the exact time and place of injury. Here he just walked over. Why rush anymore, anyway? Getting hurt had become so normal for them. Maybe one day Leo would get hurt and Raph wouldn’t even check on him. Leo’s heart twisted.
No, wait, that was dumb. This was Raph. And he looked really groggy.
Raph made a bunch of fussing noises and somehow got Leo to turn his head without touching his cheek. “It doesn’t look too bad, and it’s already stopped bleeding. What did you do, get in a fight with a porcupine?”
“No,” Donnie said immediately, from Leo’s other side. “The cuts are flatter and more spread out.”
“What are you, Raph?” Leo stepped back. “Guys, I’m fine. I just need some salve.”
Mikey tugged on Leo’s sleeve. “Then can we go home?”
Raph finally caught sight of Mikey’s face. “Angie, have you been crying?”
Perfect. Leo used the distraction to slip off to the bathroom. He could feel Donnie’s eyes on him the whole way, so he shut the door behind him.
Ever since the healers had stopped fixing Raph completely, Leo had been building his own cache of medicine in the bathroom cabinet. He had a system. Every day, Donnie stole whatever was in stock from the healer’s supplies. Leo wheedled what information he could from the healers, partially to distract them, partially to learn. It wasn’t always enough. He’d had to do a little experimenting on himself to make salves for bruises or to draw the heat out of burns.
He took of the kimono and hung it in a tiny closet just behind the door. He washed the makeup off his face in the sink. Then he climbed up to the cabinet to reach for the jar. The salve he was going for looked almost like face lotion. It would dry in a few minutes. He usually put paint or makeup over it, but his brothers had already seen the bruises, and it would be weird to suddenly not have them anymore.
He hesitated, then put antiseptic on the punctures. He wished he could cover those up, but they were kind of deep and probably needed to air. He didn’t want his brothers to see. But he needed to heal even more. He needed to be cute or Big Mama would get tired of him.
He got down from the cabinet and opened the bathroom door.
His brothers had gathered on the bed, trying to console a newly-crying Mikey. Right. The Dad thing. Leo suddenly felt as exhausted as Raph looked. Leo’s whole face hurt. It was definitely from bruises, though, and not because he wanted to cry. He got a roll of toilet paper and climbed onto the bed, handing it to Raph.
“– and they said Daddy was here,” Mikey sobbed, clutching Raph’s hand like he’d never let go. “What if he left? Everybody thought we were orphans and maybe we are!”
Leo hadn’t realized he was clawing at the bedspread until he heard a soft ripping sound. Donnie had been assembling and disassembling bits of Raph’s toy. He handed it to Leo. Leo took it without looking.
Raph was trying to wipe away Mikye’s tears. “Mikey, we’re not orphans. Pops came for us, just like we knew he would! He couldn’t get past the guards, right? But if we tell Big Mama he’s here –”
“She already knows!” Mikey’s voice was shrill with panic.
Donnie glanced at Leo. “Does she?”
“Yeah.” She’d basically told Mikey she did, no point in hiding it. “I found out a few days ago.”
“And you didn’t say anything?!”
Leo opened his mouth, but Raph cut over him. “Then she has to give us back! She kidnapped us! I know she keeps telling everyone she’s helping us, but if Pops is here, everyone has to know she’s lying. What if we called the police?”
Leo snorted. “Those idiots? They won’t help, she legally adopted us.”
There was a short, ringing silence. Everyone stared at Leo. He blinked. He hadn’t meant to say that.
Mikey’s eyes were huge. “She…what?”
Raph shook his head. “She can’t do that, we already have a dad!”
Leo’s mouth opened almost on its own. “She knows. So do the police. They were here when Dad showed up for our first fight –” Suddenly Leo dropped the toy. It shimmered with purple mystics. “Donnie!”
“Oh, no, a truth spell,” Donnie said drily.
Mikey was shaking all over. “Daddy was here? The whole time? I want to go to Daddy!”
“How?” Leo threw up his hands. “We’re watched all the time. And even if we take out Ozzi and Jerome, Big Mama’s guards are everywhere!”
“But – we could ask Chef Saoirse, or Lolly –”
“No,” Leo said, very firmly. “Either they’re on Big Mama’s side and they’ll tell on us, or they’d help but get in trouble. Like really, really bad trouble.”
“We’re in trouble, too,” Mikey sobbed.
“It’s okay!” Raph gathered him up and squeezed, hard. “Pops is a ninja! There’s no way some dumb guards can keep him out!”
A look of dawning recognition spread over Donnie’s face. “It’s not the guards. It’s the wards. One of them has a biological key component. I’ll bet my future scientific reputation that it’s programmed specifically to keep him out, and us in.”
Leo stared at him. He didn’t know that. Big Mama hadn’t told him. She’d practically gloated about their dad coming, but she hadn’t mentioned the wards.
Leo still knew about them, in a distant kind of way. Invisible, practically impenetrable walls made of magic. That wasn’t anything you could fight. He’d sort of pictured Dad fighting through a bunch of guards, or the four of them escaping through the vents. How was Dad supposed to get in? How were they supposed to get out?
“We stuck here?” Mikey whispered, his eyes wide and terrified.
“I can fix it!” Donnie said quickly. “I’ve reverse-engineered a few spells already. I can just focus on the ward manuals and figure out how to sabotage it.”
“Okay,” Leo said shakily. He inhaled deeply and clapped his hands. “Okay! That’s our plan. Resident Dorkus –”
“Excuse you, Future mystech master –”
“– will break the wards. We either fight our way out, or Dad fights his way in. Then Dad can take us home. Easy-peasy!”
Raph somehow cuddled Mikey even closer. “Raph doesn’t want to fight anymore,” he mumbled.
“Me, neither, big guy,” Leo said, patting his arm. “We just have to play along. It’s like chess. Sometimes we gotta wait to make a move. We just need to keep Big Mama happy so she doesn’t think we’re still trying to escape.”
Donnie glanced at Leo’s bruises. “Oh, yes, she looks very happy to me, he said sarcastically.”
Raph looked at the bedroom door for a long minute, as though waiting for Splinter to burst through in a shower of broken wood. Maybe he was debating breaking through it, himself. But knew just as well as Leo that there were hundreds of guards between them and any exit. And the exits would be invisibly blocked by wards, anyway. Leo’s plan was the best option.
Finally, Raph took a deep breath. “Okay, Leo. I trust you.”
“Thanks, Raph.” He leaned in and hugged Raph and Mikey, squeezing as hard as he could.
Donnie gave a put-upon sigh but leaned in, too. “Don’t you mean you trust me? I’m the one who’s going to crack those wards like a rotten egg.”
Raph gave a wobbly grin. “Yeah. Resident mystech master, that’s you.”
Leo frowned slightly. “What’s mystech?”
Donnie sat up proudly. “My own combination of magic and science!”
“Is that what’s scuttling in the drawer?”
“No, that’s a golem made of food bits that I’m training to do my bidding.” Donnie blinked. Then he looked down. Leo’s foot had scooted Raph’s toy so that it was touching his leg. He screeched and leaped off the bed. “Betrayed! By my brother and my own genius!”
“No golems,” Raph said tiredly. Leo snickered.
Mikey leaned over to pat Donnie’s arm. “Don’t worry, Donnie. I’ll be your minion.”
Donnie began listing his expectations for a minion. Leo left them to it, still half-puddled on Raph. He hadn’t told his brothers about Dad because Big Mama hadn’t wanted him to, but he was really glad they knew. Somehow it made everything a little bit easier.
His thoughts turned back to Big Mama. Today had been…really bad. Any good will he’d earned by unveiling a thief had been instantly undone by his protests, and then some. And now Mikey had her attention, too.
But he could fix it. As long as he had a chance to talk, he could fix it. He’d just have to be extra good and smile extra hard and keep Big Mama’s focus on him. They could play chess – she always beat him, she liked that – and he could think of ideas to sell more tickets.
His cheeks throbbed. It was distracting. He put that in a box and shoved it away.
He just had to play the game a little longer. Donnie would crack the wards like an egg, and Dad would come, and then there’d be no more fights or hallways or stupid long nails.
Raph bopped him lightly on the head. “Leo? You’re thinkin’ loud. That’s Donnie’s thing.”
“We can share a thing.” He snuggled down into Raph’s lap. “’M just tired.”
“Go to sleep, then, bozo.”
“Ugh, fine.”
Leo glanced up at Mikey’s unfinished painting. Lou Jitsu’s kick made the lizard queen bite her own tongue. He smirked. Raph started rubbing his shell, and Leo let his eyes drift shut.
A/N: Summary of Leo's portion: Leo does well in an interview. Big Mama is pleased with him and takes him to a couple of business meetings, including one with pirates. She takes them down a hall with portraits of yokai. In front of each yokai is a small, preserved part of their body. Leo thinks the portraits are old Nexus champions. But when he reveals that one of the pirates stole from Big Mama, she tells the guards to add the thief to her macabre collection. When Leo objects, she threatens him. Mikey bursts in, shouting that their dad is here and he wants to go home. Big Mama tells Leo to remove him and he does, terrified of her anger. That was...a very emotional chapter. Whew. I promise that this does have a happy ending!
Big Mama's Four Little Gems Ch 3: Intermission Part I: Donnie and Raph
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 4
Chapter 5 Chapter 6
AO3 Link Tumblr Masterpost
Sorry this chapter is going up a little late. I had it almost written, and then Stuff Happened. The nerve! Doesn't real life know I have fanfiction to write?
Anyway, let's check in on our boys and see what they do when they're not fighting for their lives!
Trigger warning: chase scene, canonical violence, injuries are described (two cuts, not very graphic)
I. Donnie's Library
After a few days they developed a routine.
Breakfast (with Big Mama), fighting, healing, then free time until dinner (again with Big Mama). Mikey usually spent his free time in the kitchen. Leo went with Big Mama. That left Lolly to entertain Donnie and Raph. They played pranks on the staff or read through growing piles of fan mail. It wasn’t bad. That was part of the problem.
They had fresh, varied food – they had fish – but they had to fight for their lives every day. Big Mama gave them lots of compliments, but many of them were about almost dying. They were clean and clothed, but they weren’t allowed to leave. The dissonance was jarring. Donnie hated it. He wanted to go home.
Where was their Dad?
Donnie didn’t think about it. Except that he thought about it all the time. The way he thought about Leo all the time. Leo and Big Mama.
“I’m fine,” Leo had told him last night, rolling his eyes. The four of them had curled up to sleep. Raph and Mikey were already snoring. “She just pinches my cheeks and parades me around her donors.”
Donnie gave him a dubious look. “That sounds stupid.”
“It’s so stupid.”
“And that’s it?”
“That’s it.”
Donnie squinted. Then he licked his finger and smeared it hard against Leo’s cheek. Leo gave a tiny gasp that had Raph stirring in his sleep. Leo had covered his cheeks with Lolly’s paint. It had been perfectly matched to his green scales and red stripes. There were bruises underneath.
“Liar.”
“I wasn’t lying!” Leo hissed. Raph muttered uneasily. They both waited until he settled in again, curled around them a little bit tighter. “I wasn’t lying,” Leo whispered again. “She just pinches hard.”
Donnie looked him dead in the eyes. There was a lot he could say without saying it.
Leo squirmed. “Donnie, I promise, it’s fine. It’s just part of her stupid game.”
“Why play it?”
Leo hesitated.
“We’re like toys,” he said slowly. “If we stay new and cute and shiny, she won’t break us. I know what I’m doing.”
Donnie wanted to protest. Raph had nearly gotten skewered by giant scorpions just that morning. How was that not trying to break them?
Except he didn’t, because Leo was right. (Not that Donnie would ever, ever admit it.) Big Mama was in charge. And Donnie had also been thinking-not-thinking about all the fights they saw on Day One. It was really different when you were doing the fighting versus watching it. What if Big Mama made them fight people? One of those fighters had died. Right in front of them.
What they needed was an escape route. Or at least a better understanding of the Nexus layout. The place was huge. But he also couldn’t just ask to explore. Lolly might not care, but Owl Goon and Fox Goon definitely would.
So he waited until the next day in the Healer’s Ward. Leo had left with Big Mama. Lolly had just come by to pick up Mikey for the kitchen. Donnie grabbed his sleeve.
“I want weapons,” he demanded.
That was a reasonable thing to ask for, right?
“No,” said Mikey and Raph immediately. Raph bonked him on the head with a newly-healed fist. “After the Incident, Pops said you can’t have anything sharper than a stick for a month.”
“He shall never deprive me of my razor-sharp wit!”
Lolly looked curious. “What was the incident?”
Donnie waved a hand. “It was just a toaster! That I modified. Sure, it went for the eyes, but what prototype doesn’t?”
“All of them,” Raph said flatly. Mikey giggled.
Lolly nodded thoughtfully. “Creative. I guess you could –”
“No!” Raph said loudly.
“It was one prototype –”
“What about the gym, then?” Lolly suggested. “Plenty of stuff to break in there.”
Raph’s face lit up. “I like breakin’ stuff!”
One of the lizard healers giggled. “That’s our Ruby, he’s such a little brawler!”
“It’s Raph,” he corrected, for the millionth time. “Raph likes breakin’ stuff. Raph’s a brawler. What’s a brawler?”
Donnie missed the answer. He’d really been hoping for an armory, but his main goal was to go somewhere new. More places, more layout, more potential escape routes. But also…weapons…
“If you spar,” Lolly added casually, “you’re allowed to use your teeth.”
“A gym is acceptable,” he announced.
Mikey gasped. “I wanna go!”
“Sure, why not?” Lolly started for the door where their fox and owl babysitters were waiting. “Hey Oswald, Gerry! We’re heading to the gym.”
So the goons had names. This was sufficient ammunition for Raph and Mikey, who took turns trying to goad them into sparring as they walked. Lolly occasionally tossed in his own suggestions. No one paid much attention to Donnie.
He focused harder than usual as they navigated a near-labyrinth of branching hallways. There were lots of open doors leading to lounges and conference rooms. Nearly every hallway had ceiling vents at regular intervals. That made sense – he had yet to see a window. In a way it was a lot like being underground.
A few hallways stood out to him. One had gray carpeting instead of purple. It seemed like a hub of maintenance activity. A few goons in aprons pushed around laundry carts or wet mops. (Who mopped a carpet?) A few others looked like mechanics, if plumbers carried bags of chalk and weird ingredients instead of toolbelts.
“Two left turns and a lounge for three,” he muttered as they walked. “Four conference rooms and soggy laundry. A long corridor and a sharp right turn/Past a statue that looks less vase than urn…”
Some of the hallways they passed seemed to glimmer, as if blocked by a shield of near-invisible glitter. He tried to stick a hand through one and his claws bounced off, stinging. He sucked his fingers and glared at Lolly, who had caught his eye and grinned.
“I’d say ‘be careful,’ but I don’t think you’ll listen.”
“I listen! When it’s relevant!”
The owl grunted. “But does he shut up, that’s the question.”
“You listen, you Where’s Oswaldo reject –”
“Omigosh!”
Mikey grabbed Raph’s hand and yanked, pointing, but they all saw it. A yokai with the head of a lion and the tail of a cobra was prowling towards them down the hall. Strapped to her back was a long spear with a glittering black blade. She was approaching from a hallway on the left. Without pausing, she leaped overhead and slid down from the wall in a single fluid motion, then continued on her way in front of them.
“Wow,” Mikey breathed.
There saw more and more fighters as they continued walking. It was like walking through a hallway of Jupiter Jim’s worst enemies. There were twin panther warriors that seemed to share a sword made of moonlight between them, though it shimmered like a mirage so it was hard to tell who held it at any one moment. A woman in black armor walked by with her head under her arm, exhaling blue fire with every breath. A trio of eagle yokai walked past, all heavily muscled with outrageous hair styles. (Feather styles? One of them had two mohawks.) They were fighting viciously over a small roasted bird.
Donnie’s mouth watered. He crouched.
“I wouldn’t,” Lolly warned.
Gerry grinned widely. “I would. G’wan, Iolite, go get it! Get the chicken!”
In a truly heroic show of restraint, Donnie restrained from attacking both the partridge or Gerry. It helped that Lolly slid some actual fresh sardines out of his weird magic sleeves and gave them all snacks – even Oswald, but not Gerry. Gerry pretended not to care. Donnie steepled his fingers and cackled.
They joined a small crowd lining up in front of two large metal doors, both decorated with bas relief dumbbells. At that point they were so busy looking at all the warriors that Donnie, for once, did not have time for petty insults. He spotted the lion yokai, and the three eagles, and a ram, a weird goo thing, a shark, a St. Bernard –
“There’s so many,” Mikey said, looking around.
Lolly shrugged. “There’s a pretty big pool of newcomers every day. Big Mama portals them in from all over the country. But sometimes we’ll get people from other countries, too. Winning a Nexus battle is the fastest way to make money around here.”
“Why do they get weapons?” Donnie demanded. “I don’t want to use my teeth if I can use my teeth and weapons!”
“They don’t keep them, look.” Lolly pointed.
The line shifted and he saw a metal locker set incongruously into the wall. It had an oversized stone padlock inscribed with weird symbols. The next fighter stepped forward. The lock lit up in green runes. The weapon glowed green, the locker opened, and the weapon was sucked into the vortex inside. Then they stepped inside.
Intriguing. Not that a real scientist awarded any merit to magic, but…intriguing. Was it some kind of wormhole? How did the padlock work? And more importantly, could Donnie take it apart and make something even better than an eye-gouging toaster?
He took one step toward it – and nearly slipped in Raph’s drool.
“Ew, Raph! What in Pascal’s puddles – oh, come on.”
The eagles had finished their foul fowl fight. Two of them had decided to engage in arm wrestling (wing wrestling?) on the bent back of the third. Every flex of their muscles sent an actual gust of wind their way. Mikey was perched on Raph’s shoulder for a better look. Raph was watching with almost-literal stars in his expression. He was very literally drooling.
The three eagles noticed. Their half-hearted wrestling turned into showing off. Their dark brown feathers flared as they flexed their biceps. Even Table Eagle was curling his arms.
“What’re you lookin’ at, punk?” Table Eagle sneered, flexing harder.
“Yeah, punk!” said Double Mohawk. “You ain’t ever seen real muscle before?”
“Nah,” bragged Boring Eagle, gesturing to the three of them. “He just ain’t never seen the Golden Guys before!”
Raph was practically vibrating in place. “Are you guys gonna do huge weight stuff?!”
Boring Eagle smirked. “‘Are we gonna do weights?’ How’s this for weights!”
He picked up Table Eagle and hurled him at Double Mohawk, who caught him and hurled him back. Table Eagle started somersaulting midair as his brothers threw him back and forth. Then Table Eagle switched out with Double Mohawk. Double Mohawk twisted and flipped, posing at the peak of each toss. Boring Eagle pulled out throwing knives and started hurling them at Double Mohawk’s hair. The knives shot right between the mohawks every time.
The routine ended with Table Eagle holding a brother in each hand. All of them posed, their abs and biceps rippling. The fighters who had paused and gathered around them clapped and whooped appreciatively.
Table Eagle grinned. “Now ya seen the Golden Guys up close and personal, chump! Whaddaya say to that?”
“CanIhaveyourautographMr.GoldenGuysir?!”
Double Mohawk sneered and flexed his tricep. “Ha! He wants our autographs!”
“An autograph!” Boring Eagle echoed, posing so his shoulders bulged. “The nerve! We’ll sign, kid – if you got paper as tough as us!”
Raph actually shrieked with excitement. He patted down his sides. His expression melted into horror and he whirled to Donnie. “I don’t have any paper!”
“He could sign your shell?” Donnie offered.
“With what?” Lolly asked, faintly amused.
“Blood!” called a nearby fighter.
“Snot!” said another.
Mikey gasped. “Lolly’s got paint!”
Suddenly Lolly looked much less amused. “Wait, wait a minute, that stuff is –”
“ATTACK!”
Donnie, Raph, and Mikey pounced on Lolly. The crowd of fighters shifted around the new center of chaos. Oswald and Gerry jeered and booed, but almost everyone else was laughing and shoving each other or calling out stuff like, “Give him a left! Now your other left!” The eagles tossed out fighting tips and jostled each other as they watched, egging Raph on.
Not that Raph, Mikey, and Donnie were really trying to fight. It was more like an extremely calculated mad scramble for Lolly’s jacket. Lolly tried to evade them for a good ten seconds, which was impressive, but Donnie was fast and Raph went low and Mikey went high. Then Mikey latched onto Lolly’s arm and he fell backwards under the unexpected weight. Lolly was also laughing pretty hard, which made their victory all the sweeter.
Raph pinned one arm down and Donnie all but burrowed into the sleeve. His claws hit a multitude of textures – feathers, candy wrappers, paint bristles. He spared a few extra milliseconds to wonder if Lolly had magic sleeves, and if that magic worked the same way the weapons locker did. Then he touched a small, round object in the unmistakable shape of an ink pot.
“Ah-HA!” he announced, and yanked.
He tripped. And pulled too hard. He landed on his tail, one arm swinging up over his head. The paintbrush flew up over his head, popping wide open.
Splat.
Everyone froze. Donnie looked up.
Standing behind him was a yokai nearly twice Lolly’s height and almost as wide. He looked like a cross between a grizzly bear and a bull. A double-headed battle axe glinted in his hand. There was a long, silvery scar cutting across his chest. And he was now spattered in bright yellow paint.
“Heeeey, Antoine!” Lolly said weakly. He waved. Donnie still hadn’t let go of his arm so he was wiggled back and forth. “Yellow is, uh, a good color on you!”
“We match!” Mikey piped up unhelpfully, pointing to his spots.
The other fighters were moving very rapidly backwards. Some were rushing for the gym. Most were disappearing down the halls. An octopus yokai scuttled away, tripped, and immediately turned into a rock. Oswald and Gerry looked about a half-second from running, too. Donnie guessed only Big Mama’s displeasure kept them rooted to the spot.
Antoine looked down at Lolly. His eyes were utterly cold. A low hiss started in Donnie’s throat.
Raph squeaked. “Donnie, no, no biting, Donnie –”
But Donnie was already shooting for Antoine’s face. That was the only thing that saved them. That, and the barest split-second it took for Antoine to reach for his axe.
The axe came down so hard and fast that it cut straight through Mikey’s pantleg and Lolly’s shirt, embedding itself three inches into the solid stone floor. It would have hit its target, except that Donnie – much like his prototype – went for the eyes. He’d misjudged and landed on top of his head, where he clamped down like a murder hat and started clawing every orifice within reach. Antoine roared with rage – and then roared louder and started jerking. Donnie leaped off in a panic. He clung like a gecko to the nearest wall and snapped his neck around.
Raph had bitten one of Antoine’s hands and clamped down, pinning him to his own axe. Lolly scrambled to get back, spilling more paint. Raph, Mikey, and Antoine were now covered in multicolored splotches. Antoine roared louder and lifted his free fist. Oswald and Gerry threw themselves at Antoine’s neck like soggy towels, making a lot of noise and generally being useless.
Donnie power-kicked off of the wall, flipped, and stuck the landing, forcing Antoine’s head down onto the end of his own axe. It wouldn’t have worked if Antoine had been expecting it. As it was, Donnie flipped quickly to the floor as the bear-bull raised his head, now sporting a very broken nose. He howled and raised his fist again.
“RAPH, LET GO!” Donnie screamed.
Lolly scooped up a terrified Mikey and threw him as hard as he could down the hallway. Which wasn’t hard, but it was enough. Raph saw a fast-moving brother in his periphery and dove after him. Antoine’s fist came down like thunder. Donnie’s ears rang and the floor shook under his feet. But he was already sprinting down the hallway, following Raph. Mikey was tucked like a football under Raph’s arm.
“Which way?!” Raph panted.
“Here!”
Donnie took a sharp left and shot down a hallway. He wasn’t trying to get them lost, or back to their room. He wanted the maintenance hall. He’d seen laundry. That meant pipes for washing or maybe a laundry chute. He still wanted an escape route. He wouldn’t leave without Leo, but if they got caught, they could blame it on being chased.
The maintenance hallway was even busier now. They darted between or over laundry carts, wet mops, and people carrying cases of little shampoos or pillow mints. A few people reached out to grab them. They dodged or snapped and kept going. They could hear Antoine’s pounding footsteps.
“Donnie!” Raph panted.
Donnie darted to the nearest door. A glittering purple shield flared the second he touch the knob. Donnie let go, fingers stinging. A maintenance tech came out of the next door. Donnie shot toward it, trying to slip in before the door shut. The doorway lit up with purple even though the door wasn’t shut. Donnie hit the shield beak-first and staggered, gripping his face.
Raph grabbed his shoulder. “New plan, keep running!”
“Wait!” Mikey pointed down the hall. On the left side was a heavy metal door with occult-looking symbols drawn all over it in neat white lines. Matching torches with green flames were set into the wall on either side of it. It looked like the entrance to a magical dungeon. Sticking out of the look was a long blue-green feather. Some kind of key?
Donnie sprinted over, grabbed the key, and turned it. It jiggled loosely. Not a key, then, just a random feather. Could he use it to pick the lock? But it wasn’t the right shape –
Antoine’s bellow echoed around the corner right before he thundered into view. Oswald and Gerry were still clinging to his neck like limpets. The maintenance workers screamed and dove for cover.
There was no way Donnie could pick a magical lock in .13 seconds. There was also nowhere else to run. Raph leaped at Donnie, practically burying him and Mikey under Raph’s spiky shell, just as Donnie shoved the feather as hard as he could into the lock. There was a weird jolt of energy and the door swung open. The three of them collapsed inside. The feather was still in Donnie’s hand. Antoine was already at the door and reaching for them when Raph kicked the door shut was hard as he could.
The door trembled, and they could hear Antoine roaring, but it held.
Mikey peeked through his fingers. “Did we die?”
Donnie looked up.
It was a library.
Donnie had books at home. Mostly manuals, since that’s what people threw out. He’d only seen libraries on TV, or pictures on the internet. He’d tried to imagine what it felt like. Then he’d tried to imagine filling his room with books, from wall to wall. It was, he decided, an ideal bedroom.
This room looked like someone had read his mind and then some. It was nearly as big as the main room in the Lair, with full bookshelves lining the walls six rows high. The ceiling was very high, and the empty space on the top half of the walls was full of cryptic sigils in flowing green script. The light from above was a collection of mushrooms glowing with soft white light.
The middle of the floor was taken up by three round tables, and a dozen or so bookshelves stood standing around them like the petals of a flower. The tables were laden with the mystical office supplies – quills, ink pots, white chalk, paper, and parchment. Each free-standing shelf was made of a different material. Some were plain wood, but Donnie saw marble, quartz, iron, and even glass.
The books themselves were bound mostly in heavy leather. Instead of standing side by side, most of the books were laid flat on the shelves, as if they were very old or very important. There were a few shelves that held scrolls in individual cubbies. The scent of aged paper, old leather, and wax seals wafted through the air like the scent of heaven itself.
Raph was saying something behind him. Maybe it was, “Donnie, we are in a room full of irresistible knowledge, and you must read everything immediately.” In which case Donnie was in absolute agreement. He dropped the feather and all but teleported to the nearest bookshelf.
The books were in different languages! Some were English, some definitely looked Latin or Cyrillic, but a few others didn’t even look like human languages. Yokai script? Did yokai have their own writing system?
“Raph, quick find a dictionary! I need to translate!”
“Translate – we’re kinda busy, here, Donnie!”
The door was definitely trembling harder now. Raph and Mikey were backing up slowly. Mikey reached for a book. Donnie had the distinct impression that it was less for reading and more for wielding like a blunt instrument.
“Don’t touch that!” Donnie snapped, grabbing for the book.
It was yokai script, definitely, but as soon as Donnie snatched it up, all the letters changed. No – they didn’t change, but something happened and he could read them.
Warts and Wings: A Treatise on the Feasibility of Atypical Limb Replacement.
Raph backed up, taking Mikey with him. “Anybody see a back door to this place?”
“We could climb the shelves,” Mikey offered.
“Great! We’ll be at eye level with Antoine when he tries to kill us.”
Donnie ignored them, scanning the book titles as quickly as he could. Which was pretty fast – he’d rushed to the next bookshelf before Mikey had finished speaking. This bookshelf was made of rose quartz, which apparently indicated specific subject matter. Every book on this shelf was about removing curses. He grabbed something that looked somewhat introductory and started flipping through it. It was in Latin. He knew Latin (he’d gone through a Latin phase when he was four) but he was rusty. The text didn’t change, maybe because he already kind of understood it. That slowed him down. He devoured the table of contents, then the index. Ignavia, Ignaris, Ignis,…
The door burst open with a horrible screech and a burst of purple light. The bull-bear stormed into the room. Oswald and Gerry were gone. Despite his preparation, Donnie startled backwards. Raph and Mikey dove for the center tables, screaming, Raph’s arm hooked over Mikey’s shell.
Antoine saw them and started for the tables, raising his axe. “You useless runts –”
Donnie darted in front of them, still holding the book, and pressed his finger to the image on the page.
“Uyyg zag axo!”
Antoine’s eyes bulged. His bones lit up from the inside. They glowed molten white, like metal. There was the faintest whiff of burning meat. Before Antoine (or Donnie) could scream, huge round sigils lit up on all the walls. The spell reversed. The burning and glowing stopped instantly.
Antoine opened his mouth. A faint puff of smoke came out. He stared down at Donnie, bug-eyed.
Before the owl could even scream, huge round sigils lit up on all the walls. The spell reversed. The burning stopped and the bones stopped glowing. The faintest possible puff of smoke came from the owl’s beak and that was it. He stared down at Donnie, bug-eyed.
Donnie smiled very, very wide.
Antoine’s face flared with sudden rage. But the second he moved, Donnie repeated the incantation. By the third repetition, Antoine had slowed to a stop right in front of Donnie. Antoine literally shook with rage. Donnie held his ground, holding the book, still grinning with all his teeth.
“Donnie?” Raph said faintly.
“Oh good, the wards worked.”
They all looked up. Lolly was sitting on top of the nearest bookshelf. His jacket was wrapped around his neck like a cape. The paint designs on one arm had gotten smeared, but otherwise he looked perfectly uninjured.
Antoine scowled. “You hairless, puny excuse for a –”
“Aw, don’t be like that, Tony. The wards reverse all the damage and you got my paint on you, you’re fine. Minor protection spell,” he added to Donnie and his brothers.
Antoine growled and shifted toward Lolly.
“I wouldn’t,” Donnie snapped. “I have a photographic memory and I looked at seventeen pages before you blundered in here. I don’t care if the wards fix you. That means I can keep breaking you as much as I want.”
“I can still break you, you carnivorous pistachio –”
“Really?” Lolly said, sounding almost bored from his perch. “I mean, I won’t stop you, but Big Mama might have something to say if her favorite pistachios get cracked.”
Antoine narrowed his eyes. “It would hardly take much effort.”
“Then why bother? Look, I’ll keep ‘em in here for a bit so you can march around proclaiming your victory, and I’ll keep them out of the way of your incredible musk.”
“Pah!” Antoine spat at Donnie, who dodged. “Play with fire, then, little fool.”
He turned and stomped out of the doorway. The very-much-still-dented doorway. After a second, Oswald and Gerry peeked in.
“Still alive, then?” Gerry asked nervously.
“No,” Mikey said weakly, still under the table.
Lolly snorted. “Yeah, we’re fine. Get the door handled. I told Tall, Wide, and Hairy we’d hang out here for a little while.”
“Here?” Raph asked nervously, crawling out. “Where is ‘here,’ exactly?”
“How does Big Mama have a whole library?” Donnie demanded.
“Eh…call it tribute from people who owe her favors. And she’s a patron for some of the guilds, which means she buys their spells so that no one else can use them. I think she keeps a few manuals in here, too, for maintenance on bigger spells.”
Donnie’s face fell slightly. “It’s all magic? But…science!”
“Energy is energy, doesn’t matter what you call it.” Lolly hopped down from the bookshelf. “I mean, I guess we could leave, if you really want to –”
“No!” Donnie clutched the book to his chest.
“Great! Just don’t try to take anything out of here.”
Raph groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Books we can’t take with us? We’re never getting Donnie out of here.”
“He’ll get hungry eventually. We can still draw and paint until then.”
“Paint?!” Mikey wiggled out eagerly.
“Yeah, I still got some left, and there’s paper right here. C’mon.”
Lolly reached for Mikey. Mikey went to take his hand, and suddenly there was a candy bar in it. Mikey giggled.
Donnie scooped the feather he’d dropped off the floor and went to join them. He could use it as a quill. Lolly said they couldn’t take the books out. But if he just copied everything he wanted to study later –
“Hey, Donnie?”
Raph was standing next to him. Donnie couldn’t read the expression on his face. “What, I’m trying to read,” he said impatiently.
“Nothing. Uh. Thanks.”
Raph sat down next to Donnie and settled in to draw. Mikey was already trying to rope him into a discussion about painting pictures or drawing their own comics. Lolly listened with a half-smile on his face. He’d grabbed one of the quills and was drawing endless spirals directly onto the wooden surface.
Donnie turned back to the book and began copying. His stomach felt weird. He’d sort of expected Raph to be mad at him. After all, he hadn’t known about the wards the first time he used the curse. He’d genuinely tried to hurt Antoine and he didn’t care if he killed him. Antoine started it. Donnie also hadn’t cared about hurting Antoine repeatedly. Usually Raph (or Mind Raph) was fully ready to lecture Donnie about “being a hero” and “not hurting people” or how “prototypes shouldn’t gouge out people’s eyes.” Donnie wasn’t exactly sure what he’d done to get a thank-you instead.
He refocused on the book. Until he found an escape route, he’d learn everything he could.
II. Raph’s Scars
The four of them were in the Healer’s Ward.
Today’s quest had been the “Savage Garden.” Big Mama had filled the arena with plants that were carnivorous, angry, or both. They’d nearly gotten caught by a tree that looked like a cross between a mangrove tree and a jellyfish. The roots stung straight through his brothers’ skin and shells. Only Raph’s carapace had been thick enough to protect them. He’d shoved their way out shell-first. They were almost out when the tree’s fanged leaves bit his right shoulder. He’d been moving, so the two punctures dragged into two long, nasty gashes.
It hurt. A lot.
Somehow the crowd cheering always made it worse.
Leo had grabbed Raph’s good arm and made him way anyway. Raph couldn’t wave right because the cut was really deep. Mikey sat on his shoulders so he couldn’t look at it. That was kind of scary, because what if it was a really bad cut and they couldn’t heal him, but then Mikey started crying on their way to the Ward and Raph tried to calm him down.
“It’ll be okay!” Raph said, except he went to pat Mikey’s knee with his injured arm and nearly passed out from the pain. It felt like he was on fire.
Leo’s hands shot out to prop him up when his knees buckled. Donnie muttered under his breath and suddenly the floor was moving under Raph’s feet, like he was sliding across it.
“Neat trick,” Oswald said sarcastically.
Gerry scoffed. “Not that neat, if he can’t use it to fight.”
“I can if I’m provoked,” Donnie said through gritted teeth.
“Donnie, c’mon,” Raph said, but he wasn’t very forceful. Leo was pushing him kind of hard. It was making Raph worry and also turning his vision gray, even if he wasn’t doing any walking. “We’re s’posed t’ be heroes.”
“I’m ignoring you, you’re delusional.”
“I’m not del – dem – uh.”
“Oh, great, it was probably venomous. Mikey, get the door.”
He felt Mikey scramble off his shoulders. He was very careful about the injured one. Raph was glad, but he couldn’t see to pat Mikey, because he couldn’t see past all the gray. He was starting to feel pretty light-headed, too.
He was sitting. Was he on the floor? He could tell his legs were folded up but that was it. There was a pressure like noise against his head but no words came through. The gray was getting fizzy and black at the edges. It hurt, but like his body was in the next room hurting and he was somewhere else. He wondered if he should be scared.
He was so tired.
There was a hot, bright sensation somewhere on his right. Green and white flared across the dark. Slowly, very slowly, his vision opened to a pinhole of colors. Raph blinked hard. It was hard to tell, but it felt like it took several minutes for pinhole to get bigger. He realized he wasn’t just sitting, he was lying back on the pillows of one of the healer’s beds.
“Guh,” he managed. His tongue felt weird, but that was coming back, too.
Mikey’s face appeared in front of him. “RAPHA-BEAR!”
He threw both arms around Raph’s neck.
Raph looked around in a daze. He wasn’t sure who had healed him, but it had been long enough that they’d walked off rather than wait. The goo-person and shorter lizard were standing by the medicine cabinets, arguing about expiration dates. The other beds were almost empty except for the one in the corner. There was a yokai with a long serpent’s tail coiled on the blankets, wrapped completely in bandages. The tallest lizard was applying more.
“I thought it’d be empty,” Raph mumbled, Mikey clutched in his arms like a teddy bear. Raph curled his good arm around him. He felt like he was going to throw up even though the venom was gone.
Leo shrugged. “Plenty of space for you, that’s all I care about.”
Raph glanced at the injured serpent uneasily. “Should we, uh, give him some privacy, or –”
“It’s still there,” Donnie said suddenly. He pointed. They all looked at Raph’s shoulder. The venom was gone, but the wound was still there, wide and red and wet. Raph’s stomach lurched.
“I can kiss it and make it better!” Mikey said urgently, half-climbing out of Raph’s lap.
Leo grinned. “You do that, Mikester! Be right back!”
Raph watched as Leo practically skipped to the cabinets. Leo widened his eyes and tilted his chin – just enough kicked-puppy-hopefulness to get attention, enough intensity to make it urgent. “Excuse me, my brother’s still hurt!”
“Poor Ruby,” the goo-person said, but she sounded all cutesy, like she was humoring Leo. “He really did get hurt today, didn’t he?”
“But he was so brave about it!” the shorter lizard gushed. “He deserves to have a big, rugged scar to show everyone how brave he is!”
“I don’t want to have a scar,” Raph said, a little too loud. Panic was rising in his lungs. Did that mean they weren’t going to heal him?
The lizard grinned and trotted over. “Oh, but you do! It’ll look so good as you get older and get big, strong muscles. Big Mama will love it! Everyone will! You’ll look like a real champion, Ruby!”
“Raph’s name is Raph.” He tried to growl the words, but he felt too nauseous and it came out quavery and quiet.
“He’s definitely our champion,” Leo said proudly, still standing by the cabinets. He turned to the goo-person. “Oh, do you want a piece of his sleeve, as a souvenir? It’s practically soaked in blood!”
Raph looked down. It was. He turned a new shade of green.
“I could do with a little extra pocket money,” the goo-person said thoughtfully. “There’s a pretty good market for Kappa Gem merch. Authentic, unofficial stuff could buy me quite a few good dresses.”
The lizard in the corner looked up sharply. “Oh no you don’t – you still owe me twenty unicorns for that stunt you pulled last week!”
The three Healers all but rushed over. Raph shrank back, eyes wide, still clutching Mikey to his chest. One arm reached for Donnie on instinct, but found Leo instead. He looked around, which made his nausea worse, but Donnie was now by the medicine cabinet, scanning the shelves carefully. Then he couldn’t see Donnie because the Healers were all crowded around him.
“It’s okay, Raphie!” Leo coaxed, holding Raph’s right hand. “We’ll just let them have the sleeve. It’s not like we can keep the costume, anyway. It’s all torn up.”
“Okay,” Raph managed. “Does that mean they’ll fix it?”
“It’ll be fine,” Leo said firmly.
The goo-person cooed. “Aw, our little Ruby is so brave, and Lapis is so sweet!”
“And Topaz is so cute!” the shorter lizard offered, clearly trying to include Mikey.
“He is!” Leo grinned up at them. “Oh! While I cut the sleeve for you, could you tell me about the different muscles? How do you know which ones to heal? It’s all so red and twitchy!”
Raph groaned and looked away. His mouth was doing that watery thing it did right before he threw up. Mikey sensed the stench and quickly wriggled out of his hold to grab the nearest trash can.
Raph didn’t throw up, but he got close a couple of times. He tried really hard not to listen to the conversation. The lizards went into a lot of detail about different muscles and where they connected, and they kept touching Raph to point out different parts. But if he didn’t listen, he’d be stuck concentrating on the way his sleeve peeled off with a weird sucking feeling. He could tell it was Leo doing it, which helped, but not much.
By the time Leo finished getting the sleeve off, he’d also gotten the goo-person to seal Raph’s wound against infection. She hadn’t actually healed it, though.
“I don’t wanna scar,” Raph whispered.
She smiled and patted his head. “Of course you do. All great fighters have them. You’ll look so fierce, especially with all those spikes!” The Healer positively beamed at them.
Mikey scowled. “But he said –”
“Nah, she’s right!” Leo reached over and rubbed Mikey’s head. “He’ll look super tough! C’mon, Raph, you can take a nap in our room until the bleeding stops. Scars are cool, but bleeding, eh.” Leo made a so-so gesture.
Mikey turned his head just enough to glare at Leo. “He said no scars!”
“Yeah, I heard,” Leo said drily, but he tapped a finger to his beak where the Healer wouldn’t see. “You comin’ or what?”
“Coming.” Donnie popped up next to them.
Raph gathered Mikey in his good arm. Donnie and Leo walked him out, one brother on either side of him. Oswald and Gerry had been waiting in the hall. They did their usual intimidate-by-glaring-super-hard, which was annoying but easy to ignore. Raph’s nausea had turned into a pounding headache. Mikey was working up another surge of tears, but Leo distracted him by making squishing noises whenever Oswald stepped down. It was pretty funny – the owl’s eye was twitching in no time. Raph even sort of forgot about his headache.
When they made it to their room, though, Raph crawled onto the bed and pancaked as much as his big self could. He was tired, and his head hurt, and everything hurt.
Donnie gave an evil scientist laugh. “Don’t play dead, yet, Raphala. Check it!”
Raph looked up, mostly because he expected Donnie to start…mixing weird chemicals into a slime monster, or something. But Donnie just stood by the bed and made a sharp gesture. Mystic circles lit up on his clothes and about two dozen bottles spilled out from under his pants.
Raph stared. “All that…was in your pockets?”
Donnie smirked. “More like I took a pocket and turned it into a pocket dimension. Please, don’t hold your applause.”
Mikey clapped enthusiastically.
“Thank you, thank you!” Donnie bowed. “Now, if you want to see what mystics can really do –”
“No battle magic,” Raph said instantly.
Donnie scowled. “But we’d fight better, we’d get hurt less, I need the practice –”
“Not on plants and animals! It’s not they’re fault they’re in the arena with us. We’re supposed to be heroes!”
“We’re supposed to survive!”
“You’re both right,” Leo cut in. He’d started sorting through the bottles and didn’t look up. “But Raph’s more right – for now. You can practice in here, Donnie, but it’s good if people don’t know everything you can do. You’re the veritable in the equation.”
“Variable.”
“Yeah, vegetable.”
“I know you know that word, you absolute codfish –”
Leo ignored him and picked up a bottle made of carved coral and tried to pull off the cork. It was stuck pretty good. He switched from using his fingers to biting it.
“I can –” Raph started.
Donnie smacked him. “No you cannot, quit moving your shoulder.”
“It barely hurts anymore! And don’t smack it!”
“I thought you said it doesn’t hurt.”
Leo grunted. “Mikey? Chompers.” He held out the stubborn bottle. Mikey leaned forward eagerly and bit down. Leo pulled. The cork popped off. Leo nearly fell but caught himself. He grinned and waved the bottle in Raph’s face. “Bottoms up, big guy!”
Raph took it and wrinkled his beak. The potion looked pretty, kind of sparkly, but… “Why does it smell like rabbit butts?”
Mikey took a hesitant sniff. “’S got mystic spice in it. That’s the one that makes ingredients fresh again. We use it on cured meats in the kitchen.”
“Oh, yay,” Raph deadpanned. So now he was meat. Well, as long as he was cured, he’d take it. He’d barely finished drinking it when Leo slapped wet gauze over the top gash. The gauze was wet and oozed pale green slime. He yelped. “Leo!”
“That’s Doctor Medic to you,” Leo said primly, spinning another bottle between his fingers. “Also heads up, that should get cold and stingy in about two seconds.”
“Why ow. Ow, ow, ow!” Raph nearly dropped the coral bottle trying to get the gauze off. Leo held the gauze firmly in place with both hands. Donnie batted Raph’s hands away. Mikey curled unhelpfully around Raph’s neck like an overgrown cat.
“I got this,” Mikey said confidently, and he gave Raph’s neck a big, wet smooch. “There! All better!”
“Why is everyone picking on me?” Raph said weakly.
Donnie picked up the coral bottle and examined it. “This really does smell rank. Like someone held a burrito-fest in papa’s favorite robe.”
Raph went still. Mikey sniffed again. Leo concentrated a little too hard on the gauze for the next gash.
“I want daddy,” Mikey whispered.
Raph reached up to hold Mikey, still curled around his neck. “Me, too,” he whispered. “Dad’ll come for us.”
“He isn’t,” Donnie said flatly.
Raph glared at him. “You’ve been sayin’ that, but you also say that thing about proving negatives with a positive! Or – um – Raph can’t remember, but you know what you said!”
“It’s ‘absence of proof is not proof of absence,’” Donnie said impatiently. “But that’s not the same, Raph! Dad’s. Not. Here. He might not even know where to find us! My pocket dimension spell is a microversion of the spell that hides the entire yokai city. That’s why New Yorkers never find it. You need specific portals to get in here, and the one we went through was hidden. Or it could have moved. It’s been almost two weeks. If he could have found us by now, he would have.”
“Daddy can’t find us?” Mikey repeated, eyes huge and scared.
“He will! He…” Leo’s voice died. That never happened. He just actually stopped speaking.
Then he looked at Raph.
“He’ll find us,” Raph said, like it was obvious. It was. Pops loved them. He’d find them eventually, just like he had every time they got lost in the sewers as kids. He knew his brothers could smell his truth stink, too, because Leo instantly relaxed. Raph grinned and gave Mikey a little jostle. “You know how good he is at sniffing out cake, no matter where we hide it? It’s like that.”
“Yeah!” Leo grinned. “Plus, he’s a rat! He’s a yokai, too, so he probably already knows about the Hidden City.”
Donnie scowled. “So why hasn’t he –”
Leo lifted a foot, planted it on Donnie’s face, and shoved him away. “Maybe he’s, like, an assassin hiding from his past, or a ninja who was trying to steal back an ancient artifact from the humans and couldn’t go back until he did. He’s probably gotta be sneaky coming back in.”
Mikey sniffed, still curled around Raph’s neck. “Like Lou Jitsu in Temple of Hidden Bones.”
Donnie finally squirmed free, grabbed a pillow, and smothered his twin. Leo let go of Raph’s shoulder to fend him off. Donnie hopped up like the creechur he was and crouched on Leo’s shoulders until he toppled over, then sat on Leo’s chest and kept whacking him with the pillow.
“Fine!” Donnie panted. “But – you said – Big Mama – broadcasts – our fights! So – he would’ve – seen us!”
Leo finally caught the pillow and whacked Donnie back. “Duh-doy! Why do you think I told her to do that? With our new action figures, I bet we’re everywhere. Dad’ll find us! It’s probably just hard to break into the Nexus!”
“He’s gotta get in a sack,” Mikey said seriously.
Leo considered. “It would be an improvement over that smelly robe. Okay, Raph, go ahead and peel it off.”
Raph looked down at his shoulder. The gauze wasn’t as bad as an open wound, but it was still gross. He gripped as little gauze as he could between two claws and peeled.
It didn’t hurt. It didn’t even feel numb. But it wasn’t closed yet. His scales were slimed and the jagged cut was full of quivering goo. He made a gagging noise and looked away.
Leo sat up and peered at it. Donnie allowed it, standing up and leaning bad-boy-style against the bed. “Looks fine,” Leo announced. “Give it like, a minute to set, and it should be all fixed up by tomorrow. We’ll keep the other bottles in case we need them later.”
“’Kay,” Raph said, queasy all over again. “Hey, you got enough gauze left to wrap a broken ankle?”
Donnie immediately turned to flee but Raph grabbed Donnie’s entire head in his hand. He pulled Donnie backwards over the bed. Mikey unlatched from Raph’s neck to fling himself on Donnie’s, and Leo pounced on Donnie’s flailing leg.
“Ah-HAH!” Leo cried triumphantly, and then Donnie’s free leg kicked him in the face.
“HOW DID YOU EVEN?!” Donnie screeched.
“I’m the big brother, I know everything!”
“You do not!”
“Do too!”
He didn’t, but he knew all the important stuff, like how to get a little brother to hold still. It took about five minutes to wrestle Donnie into submission. Or at least to distract him by getting Donnie to recite everything he’d learned about wards.
“– which isn’t nearly as secure as titanium, in my opinion, but there are at least three around the entire Nexus. Each of them seem to ward against different types of attack. One is against mystics, the other against electricity, and the third seems to operate as a biological scanner. It can keep certain people in or out. Which doesn’t make sense, since the Nexus lets thousands of spectators inside, but it looks like it’s operated on a timer. I haven’t analyzed it yet, but it looks like once battles start, no one gets in or out –”
“Aaaand done!” Leo announced. He planted a foot on Donnie’s side and shoved him off the bed.
“Hey!” Raph and Donnie protested at once.
Donnie rose up behind Leo like Death incarnate.
Leo scrambled backwards. “N-now, now, we’ve all succumbed to the Cain instinct once or twice –”
Donnie launched himself and the twins went rolling across the floor, biting and scratching. Raph was pretty sure half of it was in play. Mikey watched curiously, sitting between Raph’s knees.
“Is Donnie gonna kill Leo?” Mikey asked.
“No!” Leo yelped.
“YES!” Donnie shouted.
Raph sighed. “Mikey, I got two candies for you if Leo doesn’t die.”
“Candy!” Mikey squealed, and leaped into the fray.
A knock sounded at the door. They all froze.
“Kids?” Lolly poked his head in. He spotted Leo, Donnie, and Mikey tied in a three-way knot on the floor. He smirked. “Ah. Submitting to the Cain instinct so young? Save it for the arena.”
Donnie hissed. “I hate the arena!”
“No he doesn’t,” Leo said quickly. Donnie went back to attempting fratricide.
“Can’t say I blame you.” Lolly stepped all the way in, a large package under one hand.
All of them perked up at the sight, but Mikey got there first. He’d almost grabbed Lolly’s leg but suddenly the yokai was sitting on the dresser halfway across the room.
“Ahp-up-up!” I heard a little Raph got cut by a thorn today.”
“It’s just ‘Raph!’” Raph said, exasperated. Then he blinked. “Oh, wait, you said that.”
Leo pouted. “Yeah, and I fixed him up, so I get candy first!”
“Did you? Let’s see.” Lolly tossed the package on the dresser and strolled over to the bed. Leo whined, caught between the intense need for candy and the need to not leave Raph’s side. Raph looked longingly at the package, but held still while Lolly examined his shoulder. “Not bad,” Lolly said approvingly, standing back.
“Leo did it,” Raph said. Which practically made it two compliments in a row. Leo’s face flushed and he grinned, a real one. It made Raph realize that most of Leo’s smiles lately had been fake. Before he could think about that too hard, he heard Donnie give a sharp cry. “IT’S A GRIMOIRE!”
The package didn’t hold any candy at all. It looked like Lolly had brought something for each of them. Donnie got a weird-looking empty book, which he immediately began writing in at lightspeed. Raph got a set of interlocking rods and gears that he could build and rebuild into different shapes. Leo got a chess set.
“Whatcha got there, Mikey?” Raph asked, when their littlest brother ran past.
“A knife!”
“NO!”
“Point the blade away, Mikey,” Lolly said, sounding bored as he watched Raph chase Mikey around the room. He glanced over at Leo, who was holding the chess board and watching him. “Something on your mind, little man?”
There was, actually. It had to do with Big Mama’s games and Leo trying so hard to change the rules and Raph’s scars under his fingers. But he couldn’t say it out loud or losing would be real.
“I wanna play chess,” he said firmly. “I bet I can beat you in ten moves.”
“Hang on.” Raph reached out and caught Leo’s shoulder. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Ugh, fine.”
Raph pulled him to the other side of the bed. Which wasn’t much privacy, but still. Raph planted his fists on his hips.
“What aren’t you telling Raph?” Raph asked.
Leo looked almost genuinely confused. “I’m not-not telling you anything. Wait, did that make sense?”
“You know what you said.” Raph did his best stern-brother expression. “You’ve been doing that lying smile almost all the time, even when we’re in here with no one else watching. And – and other stuff. Raph’s big brother senses are tingling just like with Donnie’s ankle.”
“There’s no tingling!”
“Leo,” Raph said warningly.
Leo tightened his grip on the chess set. “There’s no tingling,” he said stubbornly. “It’s fine. It’s just a game.”
Raph was pretty sure Leo didn’t mean chess. “Leo –”
“Hey, don’t frown like that, you’ll get all wrinkled.” Leo reached up and pressed a finger between Raph’s eyebrows. Raph gave him a light swat. Leo grinned. “I promise, Raph, everything’s fine. Big Mama didn’t even come get me today! Can’t I have, like, one day for fun stuff? Also, I think Mikey’s about to kill Donnie.”
Raph’s head snapped around. Across the room, Donnie flicked his fingers and Mikey’s knife levitated to the ceiling. Mikey howled and launched himself at Donnie. The second round of attempted fratricide began. Raph sighed and hustled over. He had to make sure all four of them were still alive when Pops came to get them.
AN: Donnie’s curse is the phrase “Your bones burn,” translated by Google into latin, then run through a 6-shift Cesar cipher
Big Mama's Four Little Gems Chapter 2: Opening Act
AO3 link Tumblr Masterpost
Chapter 1 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
Trigger warnings: Captivity, canon-typical violence, an animal is injured. Mildly graphic.
The next morning, Big Mama ushered them out of breakfast before they’d quite finished eating. Leo saw Raph jam a whole ham in his mouth as they left the table.
“Breakfast is a bit short today, my turtley-boos!” Big Mama said, sweeping them down the hall. “Big Mama has a teensy, weensy, positively scrumptily guest to manage. And you need to get into costume!”
Donnie’s eyes lit up. “Costume?!”
“It’s terribulously important for your Opening Act!”
Leo’s heart leaped to his throat. She’d taken his suggestion!
“Which theme did you pick?” he asked, grabbing her hand and looking up with his best Mikey-puppy-dog eyes. He was ready for it when she cooed and pinched his cheeks.
“You’re so cute, my little Lapis! Why not see for yourself?”
She flicked out her free hand. The door in front of them swung open. There were dressing rooms on the left, couches in the middle, mirrors and two birdlike tailors on the right. And against the back wall was a huge rack of clothes, all themed for –
“PIRATES!” Leo and his brothers shouted at once.
They rushed the clothes. Raph tried to get into a shirt while it was still on the hanger and tore half the rack down. Mikey leaped straight up and somersaulted into the resulting pile. Donnie was flicking through the still-hung clothes even faster than he’d read a book. Leo spotted a set of shelves behind the clothes and zeroed in on it.
“Accessories! I want two eyepatches!”
“Oh, get a hook for me, or maybe a second snaggle tooth –”
“I want jewelry!”
“Mikey, have to pick clothes first, you absolute plebian, and anyway Raph that hook is mine –”
“Excuse me!” Leo ran up to one of the bird tailors so fast it took a startled step backwards. Its yellow feathers puffed. Leo grinned and held up his prize. “This one has poofy sleeves! Can we stain them with something so it looks like I got stabbed?”
“Oh dear,” said the tailor, faintly. Behind them, Donnie cackled.
Some part of Leo remembered the guest Big Mama had mentioned. Had she invited someone to watch the show? A business partner? She’d said she wanted Leo to meet some of her business associates today. Maybe she’d brought someone to watch them fight. It would be hard to put on a show for someone he hadn’t even met yet.
He shoved the thought away. He’d focus on a show for Big Mama. That had been his original plan, and she was still the one in charge. He just had to make a good show for her and they’d be safe.
And it was definitely going to be good. They were going to be pirates!
On the other side of the city, Officer Jerry sat back at his desk, munching on a cruller. The Hidden City Police Department was pretty quiet this early in the morning. Any time of day, really. He was waiting for his partner Lucy to come in. Not a big rush, though. They’d gotten the Witchtown patrol today. It was one of his favorites. The witches basically policed themselves, and there was always cool magic to watch even from the air balloon. He idly brushed some donut crumbs from his mane. Lion yokai and donuts were not the best mix, but alas, he would suffer for a good cause. Specifically a good cruller, but he’d eat an éclair, too. And bear claws. Maybe donut holes.
The rest of the office was similarly relaxed. There were about ten desks in the room. A counter full of office supplies lined one wall. A counter with donuts lined the other. The counter with office supplies looked great because no one ever used them. Filing seemed like a waste when you could just stick suspects in jail. Jerry looked down at his own pristine desk and realized it was full of crumbs. He’d finished his cruller. He shrugged and got up for another one.
Half the officers were clustered around the donuts. They were talking about the latest Nexus fight, debating if the current champion could have beaten Lou Jitsu. The answer was usually no, but it was fun to debate anyway. Jerry turned to join them when a young antelope walked in with a bright pink box.
“Fresh food coma, at your service!” Janice crowed.
There was an immediate stampede. Janice had brought the box, so she set it on her own desk and got first dibs.
“Hooves off, Alex,” she snapped, tangling horns with him.
The bull whined. “But I’m hungry! And I got the street beet today!”
Gerty, a pig yokai, laughed. “That’s what you get for taking my bear claw! You forgot I had a favor owed with the boss.” She jerked her head to the back office. The Chief was a heavyset alligator named Bitey. His scales were going gray and all his teeth were falling out.
Alex sighed.
Jerry took pity on him and patted Alex on the back. “Hey man, chin up! You get first dibs on all the greasy street food.”
Alex perked up. Then a strange noise filled the noise filled the air. Someone’s phone was ringing. It took another couple of seconds for Jerry to realize it was coming from his very own desk. He groaned and waddled over. He heard Alex snort and steal his donut. He hit the button for the speaker.
“HCPD, you got the wrong number.”
“I’m quite sure I don’t.”
The voice on the end was cool, calm, girlish, with an unforgettable edge. Jerry straightened instantly. The office behind him went still.
“B-Big Mama? How – I, um, sir, ma’am, how can I donut – I mean –”
“I’m calling about a deliciously handsome miscreant currently trying to break into my stadium. If you could bring a few of your finest officers to resolve the situation, that would be ever so scrum-diddly-darling.”
Jerry gaped. “Someone’s…breaking in?” he repeated. That didn’t happen. Big Mama’s security force was larger than the HCPD. Heck, Big Mama’s security force basically was the HCPD. She often loaned out her agents to them or the Big Heads for criminal control.
“It would be very healthy for you to arrive quickly,” Big Mama added, and Jerry broke into a sweat.
“Yes ma’am! Be right there, ma’am!”
“Wondiferous! I shall expect your company in twenty minutes.”
The phone clicked. He turned around.
The office was deserted. They’d even abandoned the donut box, leaving it over half-full. Jerry wanted to join them. Big Mama’s army was very well trained. What the heck did she need more HCPD for? Was the criminal that dangerous that they’d overwhelmed her forces? And if that was the case, what good would it do for her to call Jerry? He happened to like not dying, thank you very much!
…Big Mama said she expected him. Jerry happened to like not dying.
Suddenly Lucy walked through the door. He’d never been so happy to see that hippo in his life. Her eyes zeroed in on the donuts and she swooped in. She could be very agile when she wanted to be and he felt tears of gratitude fill his eyes.
“Jerry, get over here!” Lucy said through a mouthful of jelly donut. “Dunno why there are so many left. I can’t believe our luck!”
“I can’t, either,” Jerry said honestly. “So, Lucy, about patrol. There’s been a change of plans.”
Lucy was not thrilled about the change of plans.
Not even with the offer to pick up an extra dozen donuts on the city’s tab. They tried getting Bitey to assign a few more people to the job, but Bitey was very wise and didn’t want to lose more people than he had to. He hadn’t lost anyone in his whole career, and he was very cross that his streak might end.
Ten minutes and a dozen donuts later, he and Lucy were floating over the Hidden City in their air balloon. Lucy had grimly ordered all the donuts herself. They were all strawberry jelly. He’d never noticed how red the jelly was before today. In a show of generosity, he let her eat all of them.
The Battle Nexus came into view. Well, more into view – it was visible from the air all over the city. But the entrance came into view and Jerry braced himself. He was expecting carnage. A villain of epic proportions. A ten-headed hydra, maybe, or a scorpion yokai with extra tails and vampire fangs, or maybe a bunch of carnivorous vines that tried to form bipedal bodies. (A mad scientist had made the last ones. Jerry didn’t remember who. The vines had attacked his favorite coffee shop and he’d been understandably distracted.)
It was definitely carnage, but it wasn’t a science experiment bent on destroying beloved coffee shops. Jerry had a hard time seeing exactly what it was until it stopped moving. Streams of well-armed Nexus agents poured out of the front gates. Some popped up from the sewers and between nearby shops. Still more rappelled down the side of the Nexus walls. But every bullet, arrow, club, and claw were turned aside by a small gray blur. There were already heaps of unconscious bodies lying everywhere. A lot of yokai set up stalls and hawked wares along the road to the Nexus, and everyone had stopped to watch. A few had climbed the piles of agents for a better view. It just looked like a gray smear zipping around on the ground, knocking down agents like bowling pins until it made a new pile ten agents deep.
Jerry blinked. “Is that…a rat?”
It was. It was a short, fat rat yokai with graying hair and a very grungy robe. He was under four feet tall, and he was so grubby he looked like he’d been living in a sewer. But he stood like a hardened warrior. He planted his feet and his eyes blazed. Maybe literally. Jerry and Lucy were still fifty feet up, but he could see the little rat’s eyes flash with rage.
“LENA!” he roared. “I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM! SURRENDER OR I WILL DISMANTLE THE NEXUS BRICK BY BRICK!”
“‘Surrender’?” Lucy squeaked.
Jerry gulped and hunkered down. One did not ask Big Mama to surrender. “M-Maybe we should, uh, survey the situation. Retcon. Stakeout.”
Lucy nodded frantically and shoved three jelly donuts into her mouth. She was a stress eater.
Big Mama herself stepped onto the scene, stopping at the doorway of the Nexus. She was in human form. The rest of her army stood behind her. There were maybe four dozen left, hardly anything. Jerry cast another eye at the mounds of bodies. Who was this guy?
“I couldn’t possibly imagine what you mean,” she said coolly. “Though it is temptaliciously good to see you again, my snuffley-truffle. And just as formidable as ever!”
“You. Have. My. Children.” The rat’s eyes flashed again. Jerry wasn’t imagining it, the rat’s eyes were actually glowing. Just in spurts, like he was spontaneously blind. Jerry shivered.
Big Mama tapped one elegant finger to her mouth. Her expression brightened. “The kappa? Really?! My, my, this is a surprise! And I thought those little scamplings were just particularly precocious. I wish I’d known to add it to my flyers.” She spread her hands, envisioning a caption. “‘Youngest battle champions ever, the four sons of Lou Jitsu!’”
Jerry gasped. Lucy choked on a donut. The crowd on the ground stirred, pressing in on them. Lou Jitsu, a rat? He’d been human before! It couldn’t be!
But…the way he’d taken down Big Mama’s agents, it couldn’t be anyone else!
Lou Jitsu snarled. “My sons aren’t soldiers!”
“Not yet,” she said sweetly.
Lou moved. It was so fast that for a second Jerry really thought he could turn invisible. Jerry had a split-second to think, Big Mama’s dead, but there was a horrible twanging noise and wards thicker than Jerry’s arm sprang up in a wall of orange light. They encircled the entire Nexus, up past the walls, nearly clipping the air balloon. Jitsu ricocheted at breakneck speed into a fried cassava stand. The iguana behind it shrieked and scrambled away.
“Sorry, snugglemuffin!” Big Mama called. “But you see after your escape I realized I needed to invest in better security!”
Lou Jitsu climbed slowly, deliberately, out of the wreckage. Something about the way he moved made Jerry’s inner lion instincts shrivel up and die.
“They are my sons.” His voice was low, raspy, and made Jerry think of the crack of breaking bones. “The highest law of yokai-kind respects a parent’s right to their children.”
“Are you sure you’re the father?” Big Mama tilted her head. “I don’t think little kappas come from rats, hunkly-poo. And I certainly don’t think you have records of guardianship in our fine City Hall. But I do!” she said brightly. “It doesn’t do to dally on a good investment, after all!”
The rat struck.
Jerry sort of expected him to bounce off the wards. But when they flared up again the rat kept going, twisting to turn his momentum into a cutting force. The wards began to hum, then vibrate. The air sizzled with ozone. Big Mama didn’t move, but a few agents in her army shifted nervously. The wards cracked.
Instead of breaking, the crack released an astounding amount of energy. The lightning turned the whole scene bright white. People screamed. Jerry screamed. Lucy also screamed, and the last of her jelly donuts fell from her mouth to the bottom of their basket.
When Jerry could see again, the rat was untouched, but the ground around him was not. The earth was scorched black. Several of the body mounds were smoking. A few of the stalls had caught fire. Just a little bit – the yokai running them were quickly putting them out. Everyone else was silent, staring.
“They are my children,” Lou repeated.
“And they are under my tender care,” Big Mama purred. “And I do mean that, Lou. I have no interest in ruining perfectly good investments. But why not come back? I’d be positively squiffled if you joined them –”
“No!”
She tsk’d. “Then I’m afraid I have no choice. Oh, officers!” she trilled.
Jerry’s mouth went very dry. He tried to move backwards, but he’d been hiding behind the rim of the basket. Lucy grabbed his collar so he couldn’t back away. “Y-yes?”
“This hunkily handsome miscreant has injured my employees and attempted to damage my property. Be a dear and file a report for me, won’t you?”
A report! The tiniest bit of hope sparked in his heart. A report just meant writing down what had happened. A totally safe and non-combat-related response. Bitey would approve. Jerry approved more. But, since it was Big Mama, he asked just in case. “Should we, uh, detain him?”
She laughed. “As if you could! I’m certain my naughty little stud muffin will return to my side one way or another.” She turned with a wave. “Now, places, everyone! The next fight starts in ten minutes!”
The doors swung shut.
There were a few seconds of silence. Except for some of the downed agents, who were starting to wake up. Everyone else sort of shrugged and went back to shopping. The cassava iguana righted her wares, staring daggers at Lou.
The rat himself didn’t move. Even when the air balloon dropped gently next to him, Lou Jitsu continued staring at the doors like he was staring at his own grave.
“Uh, so,” Jerry started. He cleared his throat to sound more authoritative. “We. Uh. We’re filing a report! On – on you, Lou Jitsu, sir.” There was usually a script for this that made him sound very liony and intimidating. But it was Lou Jitsu! He was talking to Lou Jitsu! “Since you’re here anyway, could you sign the bottom of this paper so I can staple it to my picture frame? I mean report!”
Lou Jitsu slowly turned his head. “Did you just ask me for my autograph?”
“Uh. Yes?”
Bitey didn’t lose his survival streak. But it was close.
“LADIES AND GENTLEFINS!”
Big Mama’s voice boomed over the arena. Leo and his brothers could hear it through the closed door. After they’d all gotten costumes, they were shoved down a dark tunnel and told to wait for their cue. Maybe the tunnel was meant to be scary, but nothing happened. They just kept bursting into giggles.
The clothes they’d picked out were pretty simple – fitted black pants and flowy shirts with ruffled neck thingies. But they’d gone all-out with accessories. Necklaces, color-coded head scarves, gold chains on their waists. Donnie had a hook on one hand. Leo tried to wear two eyepatches. Raph made him flip them up the second time he ran into a wall.
“It’s starting, it’s starting!” Donnie said, practically dancing on the spot.
Raph and Mikey cheered. “Pirates, pirates, pirates!”
“IT IS MY GREAT PLEASURE,” Big Mama purred, “TO INTRODUCE MY NEWEST OPENING ACT. FOUR DARLING LITTLE KAPPAS, ESCAPED FROM THE CLUTCHES OF DREAD PIRATES, HAVE MADE THEIR WAY ONTO THE STAGE OF THE BATTLE NEXUS. INTRODUCING – LAPIS, RUBY, TOPAZ, AND IOLITE!”
The big rough door lowered slowly into the ground. The four of them stepped out into the light. Leo gasped.
The arena was much, much bigger when from down on the ground. Their whole lair could’ve fit inside it three times, easily. But that wasn’t what made Leo gasp. It looked like a scene from a pirate movie.
Big Mama had flooded the arena with water at least ten feet deep. An actual real-life pirate ship rose from the middle of the arena, but it was broken in half like it had been sunk, and the two points of the port and bow rose like triangular islands. On the near side of the ship was a massive red-and-pink kraken, which did not look happen to be in such shallow water. More than half of its mantle was sticking out. Next to the ship was a massive anchor sticking out of the water, and past the ship was a rocky miniature island loaded with sea gulls. At least, they looked like seagulls, but they had neon-green beaks and glowing red eyes. (Actually, maybe that part was normal.) The four of them stood on a flat, rocky outcropping a few feet above the water, and there was a matching spot just past the seagulls, set into the arena wall.
“Wow,” Leo breathed. It looked even better than he’d described it to Big Mama!
Donnie nodded, eyes wide. “I can smell Raph’s amazement stink.”
Leo managed to look up from the miniature seascape. The crowds were a huge, faceless, colorful mass of noise and waving. Above the crowds hung four supersized screens, hovering magically above the center of the arena. The screens flicked from a close-up of the ghost ship to a close-up of Leo and his brothers. He grinned and waved eagerly. There was a small cheer from the crowd. Leo’s whole body fluttered and buzzed with nerves and excitement. They had lived their whole lives in a sewer. Unnoticed, unseen. Now they were seen. Leo was seen.
“CAN MY FOUR JEWELS ESCAPE THE PIRATE’S CLUTCHES AND MAKE THEIR WAY HOME? LET THE QUEST BEGIN!”
As if on cue, the kraken made a horrible screech and struck. They dove to one side. A tentacle hit the rock where they’d been and cracked it. A few pieces of rock stuck to its suckers as it pulled back. Another tentacle was already whipping towards them. They split – Raph and Mikey on one side, Donnie and Leo on the other. Leo laughed breathlessly, teeth bared.
“MY, MY, THE KRAKEN OF THE DEEP LOOKS HUNGRY!”
Donnie dodged another strike. “We gotta get to the boat!”
“Race you!” Mikey cried, and launched himself off of Raph’s shell. He slung himself nimbly around the nearest tentacle until he reached the suckers, fit his tiny claws under one, and yanked. The kraken gave a bone-sawing screech and flinched, hard. Mikey soared through the air, somersaulting as he went.
“Don’t stick the landing!” Raph shouted.
He didn’t. He hit the deck in a tumble and rolled smoothly to his feet. He grinned hugely and flung his arms wide. “Tada!”
The crowd cheered. Leo, Raph, and Donnie cheered with them.
“That was amazing, Mikey!” Raph called.
“A GRACEFUL LEAP FROM OUR TERRIFICATED TOPAZ!”
“’Topaz?’” Donnie repeated. His eyes widened. “Oh-oh-oh, she gave us stage names!”
Leo backed up, grinning. “Last one to Mikey is a rotten egg!”
The three of them leaped for the kraken’s curling tentacles. But the creature was mad and did not appreciate the encore. It lashed wildly, forcing Donnie to land on one tentacle and immediately dive for the water to avoid getting smacked. Leo did get smacked. He went skidding shell-first across the water before he went under. His poofy pirate shirt dragged in the water. He’d made it close to the boat, but still within reach of the kraken. He popped up and blew a raspberry at the kraken. He heard some of the crowd laugh. That fluttery buzz zipped around his stomach. He grinned up at the screens.
Raph was last to jump, but by the time he did, the kraken had been expecting it. It snatched him out of the air and slammed him back down on the water. Raph hit the surface so hard and fast it made a sound like cracking concrete. Leo gasped so hard he nearly swallowed seawater.
The tentacle was already rising back up. Raph was still stuck in its coils. To Leo’s relief, he didn’t look injured. He was yelling and trying to punch the tentacle. Raph’s costume included a bunch of pirate rings, so it was like punching the kraken with brass knuckles, but it didn’t seem to do much to the squishy kraken flesh.
The kraken made a weird grinding noise. It shifted its bulbous head, tilting it backwards to reveal the enormous yellowed beak underneath. The grinding had been the kraken’s beak scraping against the arena floor. It roared its hunger. The screen zoomed in on Raph’s face. He stopped punching and his eyes went wide. The crowd rumbled with anticipation.
“OH, DEAR – LOOKS LIKE OUR RUBY IS ABOUT TO BECOME ITS NEXT MEAL!”
“Raph!” Leo screamed. “RAPH, BITE IT!”
Raph chomped.
Raph’s jaws were strong. He’d bitten a pipe clean in half when he was five and still teething. But the bite didn’t seem to do much besides make the kraken mad. It roared its bone-splitting cry. It reached towards Raph with a second tentacle, apparently ready to rip him apart before eating him. Above him, on the boat, Leo heard Mikey gasp.
Suddenly the kraken went crazy, slapping and churning at the water like it was trying to turn the whole place into a pirate smoothy. A slim shadow flashed by, threading in and through the tentacles, leaving clouds of greenish kraken blood in its wake.
Mikey gasped. “It’s Donnie!”
“THE INDOMITABLE IOLITE HAS FACED WORTHIER FOES! IN A BATTLE OF SIZE OVER SPEED, CAN THE UNDERTURTLE RESCUE HIS BELOVED BROTHER?”
Well, duh, Leo thought. Of course he would. Donnie heard Leo say ‘bite’ and was never one to miss the opportunity. He was also using his pirate hook, slashing at the kraken’s tentacles whenever they got too close. Leo left his brother to it and swam hard and fast towards the boat, eager to get out of the kraken’s reach. He practically threw himself into the air when he got close enough. Mikey scrambled down the ship’s slanted deck and leaned over to haul him aboard.
“HERE’S ONE CREW THAT STICKS TOGETHER!” Big Mama crowed. “BUT SO DID THE LAST CREW TO SAIL THIS SHIP. AND THEY DON’T TAKE KINDLY TO TRESPASSERS!”
The two halves of the broken ship began to glow a faint, poisonous green. The valley of water between them steamed with green mist. The glow concentrated along the deck. A spectral pirate rose up from the deck with a dull moan. It wore a three-point hat and a shaggy coat tangled with seaweed. It was mostly just a skeleton, with sagging bits of ghostly flesh clinging to its skull and fingers. It moaned and reached for them, both hands curled into grisly claws.
“Nope!” Leo and Mikey both dove to the side, splitting apart at the ghost’s suddenly lunge. The ghost turned right and reached for Leo. Leo popped into his shell, hit the deck, rolled away, and popped back up. “Ha! Missed me, suckah!”
“Look out!” Mikey screeched.
Leo looked down and leaped straight up, clinging to a thick bit of rigging dangling from a sail. More ghosts were popping up from the deck on both halves of the ship.
Leo started to laugh. “What’re we afraid of? They’re just ghosts! We can walk right through them!”
A kraken tentacle suddenly slapped down across the deck, straight through a ghost. The ghost gave a weird groan and looked down at the slimy red flesh, like he wasn’t quite sure how it got there. Leo laughed and started to slide down his rope.
Suddenly, where the ghost was touching it, the tentacle changed colors from white to purple to black and bubbled at the edges. The kraken gave a horrible ear-splitting screech of pain. It withdrew so fast it broke off the tip of the boat (prow? Stern? Which way do boats face again?) but the ghost had been standing in the middle of the arm. Where the tentacle slid through the ghost to get away, the skin that passed through it turned just as blacked and blistering.
Leo yelped and zipped straight back up the rope. “Nope, nope, no touchie the cursed ghosts, got it!” Why were they cursed? He’d told Big Mama they could fight a haunted ship! Not haunted and cursed!
Big Mama’s magnified voice tutted. “AND I PAID SUCH A HIGH PRICE FOR THAT KRAKEN, TOO! LET’S HOPE THE CURSE DOESN’T GET IT BEFORE MAMA GETS HER REFUND!”
“Leo!” Mikey called.
Leo looked over. Mikey had been backed into a corner by two looming ghosts. Neither had legs, just wiggly ghost tails, but one of them had a peg leg stuck on the end. They were pushing at each other to get closer to Mikey.
“I got it, I got it!”
Leo leaped up to the sail, balanced on the beam, and hauled the rope up after him. It was slimy and slippery with algae, but it was also weak enough for Leo to snap in half. He whipped one end of it, aiming for the peg leg. The ghost turned its whole head like an owl, looking offended, but Leo just yanked and smacked it into the other ghost. The crowd gave a small cheer.
“Hah!” Leo shouted, jumping down. “It’s a ghost ship, Mikey! Ghosts can touch ghosts, so their ship can touch them!”
Mikey’s eyes widened. “Oh! Okay!”
He turned, grabbed the edge of the ship, and yanked. The ship’s side cracked and broke. Leo’s jaw dropped. Mikey pulled out a flat piece of ship the size of a small car and threw it across the deck like a frisbee. At least six ghosts had popped up on the deck. Leo ducked, and Mikey’s ghostly frisbee of tomb took them all out at the waist. They went hurling over the side of the boat and into the water. The crowd cheered louder.
“THIS TINY TOPAZ PACKS A POWERFUL PUNCH!” Big Mama exclaimed, sounding positively delighted. “OOPS – HE NEARLY TOOK OUT THE RAMBUNCTIOUS IOLIATE! HOW WILL OUR BRAVE BITER FIGHT HIS WAY OUT OF THE WATER?”
Leo and Mikey rushed to the railing. Raph and Donnie had gotten away from the kraken, but both of them were still underwater fighting an entirely new enemy. There were hoards and hoards of glittering black crabs converging on the two turtles. They must’ve been fighting the crabs for several seconds already; the crabs had torn their shirts to ribbons. It looked like the kraken’s blood had drawn them out. As they watched, Raph pulled back, spitting out chunks of green kraken flesh from his teeth. The crabs went crazy over it. Donnie used the chance to pull Raph away, aiming for the ship. A crab blew boiling water out of its mouth and forced them to veer away again. The water was too shallow for them to get out of range.
Leo swallowed. Okay. Killer crabs, sure, why not. He hadn’t told Big Mama they would fight killer crabs!
“We gotta help them,” Mikey said, setting his jaw.
Leo looked back over his shoulder. The ghosts were respawning. And there were still ghosts waiting on the other half of the ship. The two halves were separated by water, forming a narrow passageway.
Leo grinned. “I got an idea.”
It took about thirty seconds. Which wasn’t a lot, he knew Donnie and Raph could hold their breath for well over half an hour, but that was when they were playing and not swimming for their lives. Mikey ripped off another big chunk of ship. Leo ran to the broken stern and pulled off a piece of bloody plank. Then he half-slid down to the watery middle. That seemed to rile all the ghosts on both halves of the ship. Leo dodged them and got as close as he could. Then he saw what was glittering at the bottom.
“It’s a treasure chest!” he shouted to Mikey. “NO WAIT MIKEY NO!”
Mikey did not like water. Mikey did like shiny colorful things. He’d dropped the ship chunk and dove for the treasure before Leo had finished shouting. All the ghosts ignored Leo and beelined straight for Mikey.
“OH DEAR!” Big Mama’s voice was practically curling over itself with delight. “NO ONE STEALS FROM BIG MAMA, BUT GHOSTS ARE ANOTHER STORY! THE TREBBLY TOPAZ HAS TRAMPLED SOME INTANGIBLE TOES!”
Leo threw the bloody plank toward the chest, grabbed the chunk of ship, and ran for Mikey. He held the chunk like a battering ram, knocking ghosts out of the way like bowling pins. Then he plunged underwater.
Mikey had realized his mistake pretty quickly, but by then he’d been cornered by all the ghosts. He’d dived into the chest and shut the lid on himself.
He’d shut the lid after himself. That kept the ghosts out, but the bloody plank had landed right next to the chest. Crabs were already pouring in after it. Leo wasn’t all that sure some rotten wood could stop them from eating Mikey. He shoved the ghosts away and rapped on the chest. Mikey cracked it open. Leo yanked him out, keeping the chunk between them and the ghosts. Mikey was unusually heavy – he had definitely stuffed treasure in his shell pocket. Mikey grabbed the other side of Leo’s wood and they hauled themselves up the other side of the ship.
“We gotta trap the crabs in the ditch!” Leo shouted, pointing. Most of the crabs had funneled after the plank of wood, gotten stuck, and were now piling up so high they breached the water. They didn’t seem to be hurt by the ghosts, either. Maybe those glittery shells protected them from curses. “If we trap the crabs in the water between the boat halves, that’ll give Raph and Donnie time to escape!”
“Got it!” Mikey lifted the piece of wood – and then dodged, dropping it with a yelp. One of the ghosts had lunged for Mikey. All of them were drawing closer like groaning grimy magnets.
Big Mama sounded practically chipper. “LOOKS LIKE OUR LITTLEST GEM STOLE QUITE A GEMS OF ITS OWN!”
“Trrrreasssurrrrre,” they practically whined, stretching out their hands like zombies.
“Haha,” Leo said weakly, putting himself in front of Mikey and backing up. “Treasure? What treasure? We didn’t take any treasure!”
“Cuuuurrrrssse yoouuuuu,” one of the ghosts moaned. The crowd around them yelled, but Leo couldn’t tell if it was encouragement for them or the ghosts.
Leo swallowed. “You know what, you make a good point. Catch!”
He reached back into Mikey’s shell pocket and threw a gold coin at the ghost’s head. It bounced off and landed behind the ghost with a dull thunk. The ghost immediately zoomed over to it.
“One,” it announced gloomily, and turned slowly back to face them.
“Not enough? We got more!”
“But,” Mikey started.
Yeah, no. Leo grabbed two handfuls of treasure and threw them at the dozen or so ghosts. All of them immediately turned and began counting their lost/found again/lost again treasure. The crowd booed.
“Gee, thanks,” Leo called up at them. He grabbed the ship chunk. He and Mikey shoved it into place, blocking the crabs in the pile from turning around to chase his brothers. Some of the crabs were trying to funnel past the chest to the other side of the ship. Others had decided that they’d had enough of this nonsense and were trying to hide in the chest itself. The ghosts looked highly offended.
“Great!” Leo grinned. He turned. “Not great! NOT GREAT!”
He and Mikey hit the deck. The crabs weren’t hiding because they were annoyed, they were hiding because the seagulls were coming. The crabs had piled high enough to breach the water and the gulls had probably smelled them!
“THE ENTIRE FEROCIOUS FOOD CHAIN HAS FOUND A FEEDING FRENZY!” Big Mama giggled. “WILL MY PRECIOUS TURTLEY-BOOS FIND THEMSELVES AT THE BOTTOM OR THE TOP?”
Mikey screamed as the entire flock descended on the deck, screeching and beating their wings and scratching at Leo’s exposed arms and legs. He popped into his shell. Then he heard the sound of ghostly groaning.
“I don’t have anymore!” Mikey cried shrilly. “I don’t, I promise!”
“Leo! Mikey!”
Leo felt himself lifted up, then being shaken rhythmically side to side. He popped his head out. Raph had grabbed him and tucked him under one arm, Mikey under the other. Donnie was running around them in circles, smacking ghosts upside the head with a very bewildered black crab. “Back! Back ye ghosts! Back to the pit from whence you came!”
Raph ran for the prow of the ship. “C’mon, Donnie, we gotta jump for it!”
Leo looked. The seagull’s now-empty rock island was a pretty good stepping stone between the boat and the final landing spot. But Big Mama had added a few nasty surprises to Leo’s suggestions. The island just looked like a pointy black rock, but what if it wasn’t? “Raph, wait –”
Too late. Raph jumped, still with Mikey and Leo under his arms. It was a good jump, they would’ve made it, but the top of the rock started to glow.
Leo gave a garbled yell and popped out of his shell, twisting hard, intentionally ruining Raph’s momentum. Raph wobbled and hit the base of the volcano just as it erupted. Raph flung his brothers away. Leo and Mikey went skidding into the water, back toward the ghost boat.
Mikey popped up first and scurried up the boat. There weren’t as many crabs in this area, but the few left apparently thought turtle made a tasty snack. Leo grabbed a crab and pulled a Donnie, using its shell to smack away the onslaught. Then the lava that had shot up arced back down, sizzling through the air and peppering the water. The crabs beat a hasty retreat. Leo let go of his crab and turned toward the boat. He saw Mikey reach the railing just as a ghost leaned over the side.
“THHEEEEIIIFFF!” it hissed, and lunged for Mikey’s face. Leo heard an awful scream.
“MIKEY!” Leo shouted.
Donnie was suddenly there, driving the ghost back with his crab. Mikey let go of the boat and fell towards the water, clutching his face. Falling bits of lava hissed through the air around him. The crowd went wild. Big Mama was saying something, but Leo couldn’t hear over the roar in his ears. He swam as hard as he could towards Mikey. Bits of cooling ash stung his scales and shell, burning through his shirt.
Something grabbed him around his middle. Raph. Of course, he’d probably jumped into the water to get away from the lava. The remains of the kraken blood on his clothes were already drawing more crabs their way, but Leo kicked them off and Raph powered through. They reached Mikey just as he plunged through the surface of the water. Raph let go of Leo to grab him. Mikey stayed curled up in Raph’s arms. Leo pointed urgently for them to go for the landing, then popped up in the air.
“Donnie!” he shouted. Or tried to – the volcano was really juiced up. Chunks of lava the size of Leo’s head were hitting the water all around him. He had to keep ducking and dodging.
“One second!”
Donnie couldn’t turn to dive because there were so many ghosts crowding in on him. He was duel-wielding a crab in one hand and a broken plank of wood in the other. He dropped the crab over the side, jumped straight up, and smacked an oncoming lava comet towards the boat. He was clearly aiming for the ghosts, but missed. It hit the torn-up sail instead. Ghost slime had kept the boat from igniting, but the sail was dry enough to catch fire pretty quickly. The ghosts were suddenly very occupied. The crowd roared their approval. Donnie jumped over the side, twisting through the lava rain. He slipped into the water and grabbed Leo’s hand.
Raph was a good swimmer, but Donnie was fast. He pulled Leo in a zig-zag pattern through the cloudy water. Leo held his breath and tucked closer, trying to go with Donnie’s flow. Raph came into view ahead of them. They were nearly at the landing, and just outside the range of the volcano. Raph led them around to the other side anyway, for extra cover. He tossed them up one at a time.
As soon as Leo’s head broke the surface, the roar of the crowd came back in full force. There were mingled boos and cheers thundering over Big Mama’s commentary. It sounded like some of them weren’t too happy that all four of them survived. But Big Mama was the voice that counted most, and she sounded satisfied.
“ONCE BURNED, TWICE AS VICIOUS! THE INDOMITABLE IOLITE HAS CERTAINLY TAUGHT THOSE GHOSTLY GHOULS A LESSON, AND ALL FOUR STUPENDIMOUS GEMS HAVE SURVIVED THE TREACHEROUS WATERS!”
Leo turned to help Raph over the edge of the landing. “We made it, we made it, we made it –”
Raph pushed past them and grabbed Mikey. Their littlest brother was still curled up in a ball, clutching his face and crying. “Mikey! C’mon –” He scooped up Mikey and started pounding on the wall. Leo could see where the wall would move away like a door. It didn’t open. Donnie started checking frantically at the seams.
Leo rushed over and yanked on Raph’s arm. “We gotta turn around!”
“What?! Mikey needs –”
“The warriors all pose after fights! It won’t open until we do it!”
He wasn’t actually sure that was true, but he knew they needed to pose anyway. They needed the crowds to like them. They needed Big Mama to like them. Raph and Donnie exchanged worried looks.
“But –”
“Just try it!” Leo demanded. He turned around and punched the air like Lou Jitsu. The crowed roared. Cheers began to outnumber the boos.
Raph and Donnie turned. Mikey was still crying in Raph’s arms. They were both too agitated to look cool. The door still wasn’t opening.
“Do something!” Leo hissed. “What if more ghosts come for Mikey?”
Instantly Raph’s face twisted into a snarl. Donnie stiffened. Leo looked up at the screens.
They showed a close-up of the four of them. They were all scratched and burned, and their cool costumes were torn up. They’d shed most of their jewelry. Leo only had one eyepatch left on his head. But they still looked cool. Leo’s upraised fist made him look tough. Raph had hunched his shoulders forward, making him look even bigger. Donnie’s eyes were narrowed and his face was positively murderous. Even Mikey peeked out of Raph’s arms, his hands clutching Raph like he’d never let go. Together, they looked like they were daring the world to do its worst. The crowd roared louder. The cheers definitely outnumbered the boos.
“LADIES AND LIONFISH! THE KAPPA GEMS HAVE COMPLETED THEIR QUEST! LAPIS, RUBY, TOPAZ, AND IOLIITE – THE TREASURES OF THE SEA!”
Leo felt suddenly light. The fluttery buzzing filled his body and a huge grin broke over his face. The crowd was chanting for them. They’d won.
“Yeah, boy!” he screamed, punching the air. “The turtles came to play, here to stay, blow you away!”
There was a weird flash in the sky beyond the Nexus walls. It looked weird, like an invisible wall glowing orange. But it was gone the next second and the door behind them swung open. Raph and Donnie dashed through. Leo threw the crowd a wink and sauntered after them, still waving. Only when the door shut did his hand fall and he rushed to catch up with his brothers.
The door led to a brightly lit but rough-cut tunnel. He could see where it met a normal-looking hallway up ahead, lined with the usual shiny tile and thick purple rug. The contrast was jarring. Leo and his brothers ran toward it anyway.
“Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up,” Raph muttered as they ran. Two goons – not their babysitters – came around the corner.
Donnie pounced on them. “Hey! HEY! Mikey’s hurt, he needs help!”
“We know,” one of them said, sounding faintly bored. “We came to get you four to the healer. No sense bangin’ up your little faces this early, Big Mama said.”
“Then hurry UP!” Raph roared. The goons actually startled a little. Leo realized there were still bits of kraken stuck between Raph’s teeth.
Donnie hissed at the goons, snapping at their heels to make them walk faster. Leo fell back to check on Mikey. The buzzing feeling was fading. His stomach twisted with worry. Mikey had curled up again, covering his face with both hands. He was making tiny little choked sounds that turned Leo’s bones to ice.
This is my fault. I told Big Mama to do this and she did it. I thought we wouldn’t have to fight, but Mikey still got hurt. It’s my fault.
“Oh, treasures!” cooed a voice, and suddenly they were through a door and in the Healer’s room. It was smaller than Leo had expected, barely bigger than the Lair. There were a bunch of cool-looking cabinets near the front, six beds, and what looked like room for surgery off to one side.
Three healers had been clustered around the cabinets. There were two twin lizard yokai and something that looked like person-shaped goo, all wearing light yellow coats. One of the lizards practically rushed them, eyes wide and flapping her hands with excitement.
“We saw you through the employee crystal balls! You were positively –”
“Mikey got hurt,” Raph said sharply, cutting her off.
“…Who?”
The gooey one oozed over. “Oh, it’s little Topaz! Here, here, just lay him on this bed.”
Raph followed him over. Donnie and Leo were practically glued to Raph’s elbows. Leo was half-expecting Raph to put Mikey down, but instead Raph climbed onto the bed and leaned back a little. He had to tug Mikey’s hands to get him to uncurl. Leo gasped. The streaks on Mikey’s face had turned a dark purple, and they were bubbling and blistering at the edges. The healer reached her gooey hands toward Mikey’s face.
“I’m a googlyschmootz, dear,” the healer said. “And a healer. I know how to enchant my slime.”
She covered Mikey’s whole face with her hands. Raph looked caught between anxiety and nausea. Leo held his breath. Within seconds, Mikey’s arms began to relax. Leo heard him sigh. The healer withdrew her hands, somehow taking all the slime with her. She flicked the purpled slime from her hand into the air, then made a complicated gesture. A magical hexagonal prism appeared around the slime. It dropped with a thunk into the nearest trashcan. Leo saw Donnie’s eyes widen, fingers twitching, but Leo was more focused on his littlest brother.
“Mikey, are you okay? Does it still hurt?”
Mikey looked up, eyes wide with relief. He looked fine. Like nothing had even happened.
“Mikey!” Leo said, and literally threw himself at his little brother. Donnie landed on top of him.
“Oh, thank pizza supreme,” Raph said. His voice sounded thick. He crushed them all in a tight hug.
“And how are my little gems after their big performance?”
Leo looked up. The healers squeaked and leaped aside. The two goons who had escorted them stood at attention on either side of the door. Big Mama swept through the doorway like she was wearing a huge gown instead of her usual purple suit. Leo still felt shaky from seeing Mikey like that, but he shoved it down and smiled shyly.
“We’re okay, Big Mama.”
“Of course you are, my lovely Lapis!” Big Mama leaned over and pinched his cheek, then made a shooing motion. “Now, let Big Mama see if these healers fixed up our Topaz. He’d better look positively scrumulous!”
There was an ominous edge to her voice. Both healers gulped.
Leo and Donnie pulled back. Mikey, still in Raph’s lap, grinned up at Big Mama.
“I’m okay! See? And I got gold! Except the ghosts took it back. They weren’t very nice.”
“I set their ship on fire,” Donnie declared.
Raph grinned. “I bit a kraken!”
“Well I got cursed! And I broke the ship more! Did you see?”
“I did, my darling jewel!”
She pinched his cheek. Mikey squirmed. “Ow, ow –”
“He’s still sensitive,” Leo said quickly, leaning into the Big Mama’s space without quite touching her hand. “But he’ll be better tomorrow!”
“I should hope so! It’s a bit too early for our cheribulous cherub to mar that precious face! My rugged Ruby, however –”
“Can we do the course again?” Leo cut in, eyes wide and bright. “The kraken was fun, but it mostly stayed put once we were past it. We could do a treasure hunt with sea serpents! Or sharks! Or serpent-sharks!”
“Wait a second,” Raph started.
But Big Mama laughed and pinched Leo’s face instead, much harder. He forced himself to grin wider. “Why, of course, Lapis! You give me so many splendiferous ideas!”
Donnie narrowed his eyes. “Why’re you calling him Lapis? We’re not on stage right now.”
“They’re still your names, sweetling! At least that’s what it says on those piddly little papers I sent to Town Hall!”
Donnie’s scowl deepened. “What’s that supposed to –”
“Now, now, just let Big Mama take care of all the fiddly-flap details. You have another big day tomorrow!” She curled an arm around Leo and swept him towards the door. “Lapis, come with Big Mama. I have a meeting with some scruffly little businessmen, and I would love your butterifical face keeping me company. Then we can discuss more of your deliferous ideas!”
“Okay!” Leo said brightly.
He was still covered in cuts and bruises. His clothes were ripped. He was tired. But that’s how Big Mama wanted him to look – fresh off the battle field. And he had to keep her happy, make sure she liked them. He’d just have to do better this time. He’d make suggestions so good she wouldn’t change them, and then he’d know everything to avoid for their next Opening Act.
It was just like Lou Jitsu, he told himself. He had to play pretend with the lizard queen until they could escape.
“Wait, Leo!” Raph called out.
The door swung shut behind him.
A/N:
Recap on stage/new names:
Raph = Ruby
Leo = Lapis
Mikey = Topaz
Donnie = Iolite
So! That was fun, right? Great! Big Mama thought so, too. Don't worry, I'm sure Leo will be juuuuust fine.
Big Mama's Four Little Gems Chapter 1: Meet Big Mama
AN: This is part of my petshop AU. (The actual “petshop” part of the AU comes much later.) Expect canon-level violence and lots of world building! While there will be some shenanigans, the turtle tots have been captured by Big Mama. She's got a massive crime resume and zero empathy. Things will get…intense. Enjoy :)
Dad never let them leave the lair. But he was having a Bad Day, again, and they’d explored all the nearby tunnels. They knew where there was a ladder to the surface. It looked just like Lou Jitsu up there! All the buildings and the sky! They even found another door with Jupiter Jim aliens in it. Pirate aliens! With actual peg legs and boats and faces that looked like animals. It was the most fun ever!
And then two of the aliens grabbed them. It wasn’t fun anymore.
The aliens looked like a fox and an owl, and they were even stronger than Raph. They had Donnie and Mikey in a sack. Raph was being carried by his shell. Leo was being dragged by his ankle, which hurt a lot, but he didn’t panic until the owl picked him up and covered his mouth and he couldn’t scream anymore. How was he supposed to get them out of this if he couldn’t scream or even talk? He tried to bite, but the owl just held his beak shut harder and then he couldn’t breathe –
“My, what trinkety-treasures have you scooped up for Big Mama?”
– and then he was dumped on the floor and gasping for air.
They were in a big room, like an office, but really fancy with carpet and a huge window behind the desk and couches off to one side. There were a lot of alien-animal guards standing around the walls. They wore matching purple uniforms with shiny yellow buttons. He heard his brothers dumped out of the sack behind him. He could smell Raphie’s fear stink. But Leo didn’t dare look away from the woman in front of him.
She was tall, with a purple suit and fluffy lavender hair. She had wide glasses and long, painted nails. She looked human. But Leo knew she wasn’t. She didn’t smell human. All the alien guards were focused on her. That meant she had to be their boss. She’d called herself Big Mama, like she ran a gang. Her eyes were bright, hard, and calculating. Like she wanted to squeeze Leo until he popped and then eat whatever was inside.
Leo thought hard. It was like Jupiter Jim. They were outnumbered and out bad-guyed. Donnie had grabbed Leo and his claws were digging into his arm. He could hear Mikey taking a deep breath for a really loud cry. But the lady wasn’t dad. Crying wouldn’t work. They needed something else to keep them safe. Raph started to growl, but before he could –
“You’re beautiful,” Leo breathed.
Big Mama blinked. Then she laughed. It sounded weird, but it was definitely a happy laugh, even if it felt like her laugh had claws. “Well, aren’t you a diddly-darling! And so rare. How did four little kappas appear out of thin air?”
Donnie hissed. “We’re not caps, I’m –”
“Ninjas in training!” Leo said quickly.
“Apalone spinifera!” Donnie finished loudly, and dodged Leo’s attempt to bonk him on the head. “And you’re a bitch!”
Leo went cold all over. Raph looked equally horrified, but for a completely different reason.
“Donnie! You said a bad word! You gotta give us your last slice of pizza when we get home!”
“Home?” Big Mama purred. She stepped closer. Leo stopped trying to bite Donnie and looked up. Something was definitely wrong with her silhouette. “Big Mama thinks you are home. You four little clover-crumpets will be the star of my opening show! Far better than scrounging on the street. Aren’t I generous, my turtley-boos?”
She leaned forward and pinched Leo’s cheek, hard. He met her eyes and didn’t move, so he saw the moment when she was impressed. A weird feeling filled Leo’s head. She didn’t want to eat them anymore, and he knew it, and she knew that he knew it. She liked him and that meant he’d won.
She let go of his cheek. “Send these four lucky charms to our finest suite,” she commanded.
The guards closed in again. Raph bristled, and Donnie tried to bite them, but they were whisked down the halls anyway and shoved through a heavy-looking door. It slammed shut behind them.
The room was…big. Half the size of their big den room at home. The carpet was a deep, rich red, and so plush they sank a full inch into it. A chandelier hung from the very tall ceiling. There was a huge four-poster bed supporting a massive purple canopy. The canopy was covered in little pearl beads arranged in some kind of pattern. The bed was mounded with pillows, so many that they spilled around the bed and onto the floor. There was a big desk, a dresser, a wardrobe, and an open door that looked like it led to a bathroom. A big purple lava lamp stood in each corner, taller than Raph and glowing a cool lavender.
“Whoa,” Raph breathed. “It’s like we’re in Lou Jitsu: Royal Ramen!”
“Ramen!” Mikey cheered, somehow already perched on the bed’s canopy.
Donnie didn’t say anything, but he was staring down at the carpet with his mouth hanging open, slowly wiggling his toes.
“Mikey!” Raph called. “C’mon, come back down! We shouldn’t be – is that a life-size bear plushie!?”
Leo let his brothers explore. He was on a much more important mission. He turned and walked the perimeter of the room. He checked behind all the furniture, picking up every pillow and funny-looking glass bottle. The dresser was loaded with bottles. One looked like a tiny elephant, and whatever perfume sprayed made Leo’s nose sting. He stuck it in his pocket.
It didn’t take long for Mikey to tire. One minute, he was climbing the beads on the bed’s canopy. The next, he was sliding down the flowy veil-thing, yawning hugely.
“I got him, I got him!” Raph abandoned his pile of plushies and practically somersaulted to catch Mikey (which, given Raph’s spiky shell, left deep gouges in the plush carpet.) He caught Mikey by the ankle, which made both of them laugh. Raph slung his catch over one arm like a sleepy banana. “Alright, let’s…uh. Leo? What’re you doing?”
Leo stuck his head out from behind the lava lamp. “Looking for spy cameras, duh.”
Donnie’s eyes lit up. “DidyoufindanycanIsee –”
“Quit it, Donnie,” Raph snapped. “And Leo, quit being weird! We gotta get out of here.”
“Can’t,” Leo said smugly. “We’ve been kidnapped.”
“We haven’t been kidnapped,” Raph scoffed. Then he and Donnie looked at each other. “Oh my shell we’ve been kidnapped.”
“We can just use the sewers,” Donnie said firmly. “We gotta find a bathroom and we can fit through the pipes.”
They went to the other doorway. It led to a bathroom, but it wasn’t full of big pipes, like their home was. It was a human bathroom. It had a tile floor, a sink, a toilet, and a bathtub so big it looked like a small pond.
Raph peered over the lip of the tub. “Hey, I think we could all fit in this! We could have a warm bath, with bubbles, just like TV!”
“Raph, focus!” Leo snapped his fingers. “Since we can’t fit through the sink or the tub drains, we’ll have to use the doo doo drain.”
“Doo doo!” Mikey giggled. He leaned over the toilet, opened his mouth, and about fifty little pearl beads dropped out. Donnie yelped and clambered up Raph’s shell – Mikey’s slobber was sticky. Leo watched with interest as some of the pearls splashed into the bowl. The bowl grew teeth, chewed, and swallowed.
All four of them shrieked and ran. Raph slammed the door behind them.
“Okay, nobody panic!” he shouted. “The toilet has teeth! Nobody panic! LEO, DONNIE, QUIT PANICKING! YOU’LL SCARE MIKEY!”
“Quiet!” Leo snapped. “Look, this is just like being lost, okay? We gotta stay put. Dad will find us.”
“Dad doesn’t know there’s a hidden city,” Donnie retorted. Then he paused. “Unless he does. Unless he’s actually a rat alien and he’s from here. Or we’re from here. Which means –”
“I wanna go home!” Mikey wailed.
Raph glared at Leo. “Maybe we’d be home right now if someone didn’t play kiss-up to Big Mama.”
“I wasn’t kissing up,” Leo said flatly. He hesitated, glancing at the door. He hadn’t found spy cameras, but there could still be spies. “It’s like Jupiter Jim,” he said slowly. “When he got captured by the lizardmen in Jupiter Jim XI: The Fourteenth Return of the Reptiles. We’re Jupiter Jim, and Big Mama’s the lizard queen. Okay?”
Donnie brightened. “Are we talking in code? I love talking in code!”
“You can’t say we’re talking in code or it doesn’t count,” Raph scolded.
Leo imagined punching his brothers in the face, repeatedly. Before he could make that a reality, Mikey gave the most pitiful littlest-brother chirp ever and peeked at Leo over Raph’s arm.
“Are we gonna die?” he asked in a very small voice.
“No!” All three brothers said at once. Leo swooped in to hold Mikey’s cheeks – and then switched to holding his shoulders. Big Mama’s fingers on his face were cold and sharp in Leo’s memory. “Jupiter Jim has like, a million sequels. And we’re all Jupiter Jim!”
Mikey sniffed. “I wanna be Lou Jitsu.”
“Okay, you’re Lou Jitsu. Come on, let’s try the door again.”
It was still locked. They looked for exits, like windows or vents, but there weren’t any. The room was suddenly much less friendly. They ended up clustered in the middle of the room. Donnie had found a really long sewing needle from somewhere. Raph was so unnerved that he just let Donnie keep it.
The four of them climbed up into the huge round bed. Donnie hid the needle under a pillow. Raph made a nest of all the blankets and plushies. Raph lay on his plastron, Mikey was tucked under his chin, and Donnie was curled into Raph’s side. Leo lay with his head on Raph’s arm and his legs over Donnie’s. After a few minutes of inactivity, the chandelier began to dim, until only the soft blobs of the lava lamp lit the room.
Raph and Mikey fell asleep pretty quickly. Donnie stayed awake for a long time, but eventually he fell asleep, too. Leo was the last one awake. His stomach was starting to hurt. He lay on his back and stared up at the beads. That’s when he recognized the pattern. A web.
She caught us, Leo thought. There was a creeping horror to the words that he couldn’t explain, even to himself. He thought of the hunger in Big Mama’s eyes. He didn’t feel like he’d won anymore. He wondered if, somehow, she’d already eaten them.
They woke up early the next morning from noises in the hallway. Only Mikey and Leo were early risers, but today even Donnie woke up fast. A few quick signs from Leo and they all climbed to the top of the canopy, each hiding behind a different post. (Except Mikey, who sat on Raph’s shell, ready to be used as a brother ball.)
The noises got louder.
“Guys, fellas, that was a prank! What’s a harmless mustache shaving between friends? I shouldn’t have to – wait – HEY!”
The door slammed open and a body hurled inside. It hit the foot of the bed and slumped as the door pulled shut. The figure groaned and sat up, rubbing its head.
They were tall and skinny, and sort of animal-looking, with a long snout and floppy ears. But they were covered in dark gray skin, not fur or feathers. Their bellhop uniform looked like a mess. The purple pants had yellow spots on the cuffs. They wore the jacket like a cape, with the sleeves braided in front. Their white shirt was covered in so many paint stains it looked like a soggy rainbow.
They looked around cautiously, then peeked under the bed.
“Heeeere, kappa, kappa, kappa…”
Mikey giggled quietly. Donnie pinched him.
The figure looked around a bit more, then relaxed. “Welp, guess they’re not here. Joke’s on them, I’m sleeping in five more minutes!” They flopped backwards over the bed, heaved a deep sigh, and looked straight up. Where he saw their silhouettes through the fabric.
Leo tensed.
“…Huh,” the guy said. They reached slowly into their pocket and pulled out –
“CANDY!” Mikey bellowed, and dropped from Raph’s shell. Donnie and Leo launched after him, teeth bared. Raph yelled, and the guy –
Was gone? The four of them landed on the bedspread and whirled in a tangle of bedsheets. The guy was sashaying across the room, waving his lollipop.
“Oh, this?” he said casually, and then took about ten pillows to the face. Raph bellowed and charged. He hit him, Leo was sure Raph hit him, except suddenly the guy was gone again. Leo’s head snapped up and the weirdo was hanging by his knees from the bed’s canopy.
Leo leaped to his feet. “That’s our hiding spot!” he cried indignantly.
“Mmm. Too bad.” He gave a slow slurp on the lollipop and pulled out another candy. “Don’t mind me, I’m just enjoying my breakfast.”
“You can’t have candy for breakfast!” Raph shouted.
“Unless we can, too,” Donnie hissed, flexing his claws.
“Hungry,” Mikey growled.
“Get ‘im!” Leo shouted. He grabbed Mikey’s shell. Mikey popped inside. Donnie grabbed Mikey’s other side. The two of them launched Mikey into the air. Raph took a running leap and smacked their brother straight at Public Enemy No. 1. Mikey’s shell hit him squarely in the face.
Donnie screamed. “DIRECT HIT!”
The guy dropped to the bed and they were on him instantly, digging their hands into his jacket, his shirt, his pockets.
“Where’d – where’d it go?” Leo asked, baffled. “Was that it? But I can smell more! What about the two pieces he was still eating?!”
“Who, me?” the guy asked innocently.
Raph stood on his skinny chest and crossed his arms. “A’ight, wise guy, where’s da goods?”
Mikey grinned toothily. “Yeah! Da goods, see?”
Leo face-palmed.
Donnie’s head turned slow and smooth. “We haven’t had food in hours.”
The guy shuddered. “Okay, that one was actually creepy. Out of self-preservation I confess I do, in fact, have more candy. But!” He held up one paw. “It only appears when you say, ‘please.’”
“PLEASE!” all of them shouted at once.
The guy grinned and flicked his right wrist. A practical fountain of multicolored candy spilled out on the floor. Chocolates, hard candies, caramel chews, sugar skulls, mochi. Leo had a split second to think, No way! before his brothers were devouring the pile. He dove to claim his share.
Despite the bounty, it wasn’t much to split between four mutant turtles. They scarfed it down and turned back to the bed. The guy was lounging on his side, head propped on one paw, like he found the whole thing incredibly entertaining.
“Well?” he said innocently.
Mikey and Donnie chimed, “Please!”
The guy flicked his other wrist. Instant treats. This time Leo ignored the booty and climbed onto the bed.
Instantly the guy was somehow across the room, sauntering over to the dresser with the big mirror. “Nice place you four have. Deluxe. You mind?” He pulled something else out of his sleeve and began setting something up. There was a series of tiny glass clinks.
“Hey!” Leo jumped off the bed. “How’d you – what’re you doing?”
“What’s it look like?” The clinks had been a series of tiny ink pots full of brightly colored paint. The guy had pulled a paintbrush out of nowhere and was painting a series of bright yellow dots up his forehead. He wiped the paintbrush off on his shirt. He flicked his wrist and a little azure pot appeared in his paw. He dipped the brush in and kept painting dots, this time under his eyes.
Mikey’s head popped up and he gasped. “You got spots like me!”
“Sure do, little ayotl.”
Donnie squinted suspiciously from where he’d been stuffing candy into Mikey’s shell. “What’s ‘ayotl’? Is that the same as a kappa?”
“Who cares?” Raph stood up and wiped candy wrappers from his face. Leo was pretty sure he’d eaten a few with the wrappers still on. “Alright, we ate, now we need ta get outta here.”
“Why?” the guy asked, and he sounded genuinely curious. “Aren’t you happy here? It’s warm, it’s clean, you have a positively gorgeous bed, all the food you could eat –”
“What food?” Leo snapped.
“Big Mama’s, of course!” The guy finished painting a line of dots above one ear and turned, smiling. “That’s why you’re all here. Turtles like you are quite the prize. Big Mama likes to keep her prizes close by. Fabulous gifts, sharing her stadium box, lavish meals – I hear breakfast this morning is a five-course procession of fish, rice, pickled vegetables, five flavors of soups, several steaming egg dishes…”
Leo’s mouth was watering. Donnie had gone very, very still. Mikey’s stomach rumbled.
“I’m still hungry!” Mikey wailed.
Raph hesitated. “What if it’s a trap? Like in the movies?”
“Nah. Big Mama’s practically swooning over you. Four adorable, incredibly rare kids show up on her doorstep? No wonder she went to Town Hall first thing.”
“We didn’t just ‘show up,’” Leo said sharply. “Her goons brought us here in sacks.”
“They’ll do that.” The guy shrugged and turned back to the mirror. “I’m feeling sunflower-y today. Is that a word? It should be a word.”
Donnie stepped very slowly closer. “Fish,” he hissed quietly.
“Uh – easy, easy!” The guy moved quickly away from Donnie, which Leo knew just increased Donnie’s prey drive. “They’ll come and get you, alright? I was just sent in to get you ready. Because, if you haven’t noticed, you’re all extremely naked.”
Mikey sniffed. “Dots?”
“Clothes,” the guy said, and he sounded so exasperated that he sort of reminded Leo a little of Dad. The thought did something funny in his chest, but the guy was already pointing to the wardrobe. “In there? With all the fabric?”
“Dots, please?”
Another flick. A Swedish fish hit Donnie in the face just before he leaped. The guy grinned. “Clothes first, then dots.”
They got dressed in matching black pants, and then they got dots. Mikey liked the dots. Lolly, the weird candy yokai, painted the four of them in different patterns. He even rolled up a sleeve and let Mikey paint a pattern on his arm. Mikey did blobby swirls of purple and green with little yellow flowers.
Mikey did not like the goons. There were two of them, an owl and a fox, and Lolly said they were going to take the turtles to breakfast. They were big and scowl-y. The fox kept almost-hitting Mikey with his knees until Raph very pointedly switched places with Mikey. His spiky elbow was perfect for stabbing, and the fox reluctantly backed off.
Leo whispered to Donnie out of the corner of his mouth. “If I say, ‘bite,’ go all-out.”
Donnie grinned very wide. “With pleasure.”
Mikey giggled and Raph looked like he might join Donnie. That made Mikey feel better. He wanted to bite the guards anyway, but he didn’t want to ruin his paint, so he just stuck his tongue out and held Raph’s hand as they walked.
When they reached the breakfast room, Mikey’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. The place was huge! It could fit their whole lair inside, probably! The floor was shiny with swirls of black and white. The high ceiling was criss-crossed with translucent lavender banners. Long sets of purple curtains hung along the walls, three on each side. A goon stood next to each of them.
Most of the room was filled with a long wooden table. Mikey and his brothers could have laid down head-to-toe and not reached both ends. It was set with plates and lots of little spoons, but it didn’t have food on it. Mikey started planning how loudly he should throw a tantrum in a place this size. Then he saw Big Mama at the other end. She looked almost the same as yesterday, except that her fluffy purple hair had been styled with turtle-shaped jewels.
Her eyes lit up. “My turtley-boos! My, my, don’t you all look scrumdiferous!”
Leo’s painted dots accentuated his crescents, with dazzling scarlet swirls across his scalp and splashed across his shoulders. Raph’s paint was a flurry of white and pink flower petals that curved around his left eye and down his cheek. Donnie’s purple dots ran up his arms, growing into geometric fractals completed by his natural purple markings. Mikey’s dots almost looked accidental, with vibrant saffron spotting his scalp and hands, but a closer look showed that they were overlapping suns, each encircled by a rainbow halo.
Mikey beamed. He let go of Raph and bounded forward to show off his suns and rainbows. “I’m a sunshine!”
“You are!” Big Mama agreed, practically leaping around the table to catch him.
“Ahp-up-up!” Raph caught him by the shell. “No eating the nice lady!”
“Can we eat her goons?” Donnie asked, glancing back at their escorts.
Big Mama tutted. “But then who would bring in the food? Chop chop!” She clapped her hands.
The goons sprang into action. In a suddenly whirl of purple, the four of them were seated at the table. Mikey and Raph were seated together, with Mikey on Big Mama’s left. Donnie and Leo sat across from them. Another blink, and more goons were setting out mountains of food. Fish – eggs –
“ORANGES!” Mikey cheered. He grabbed one and tried to bite it like an apple.
Raph pounded the table. “Meat! Meat! Meat!”
Donnie and Leo both dove for the fish. “Leo if you so much as touch my tuna I will end you –”
“Fight! Fight! Fight!”
Big Mama laughed. “So lively this morning! And such appetites!”
Raph swallowed, bits of scrambled egg clinging to his scales. “’Course we’re hungry, you locked us in!”
Mikey’s good mood sank a little. He’d sort of forgotten because of the paint.
She chuckled. “Well of course! I wouldn’t want you turtley-tarts getting lost!”
“We wouldn’t get lost!” Donnie snapped. “We didn’t even get lost the first time, you just kidnapped us!”
Big Mama tutted. “I’d hardly call a luxury suite ‘kidnapped,’ my snookly-sweetums. And offering you a full-course breakfast! One could say you owe me for scooping you off the street.”
Raph scowled. “Those goons just got the drop on us. But we showed ‘em!”
Big Mama’s eyes glinted. “Indeed! You four made quite the spoodles of my guard.”
“That’s ‘cuz we’re ninjas!” Mikey jumped in, grinning in all his gap-toothed glory.
“Ninja,” Donnie corrected. “It’s both plural and singular. Like fish.”
Big Mama giggled. “Ninja, really? I can’t imagine you know more than a toddly-twinkle!”
He punched down on the seat next to him. It cracked in half. The back of the chair hit the table so hard it broke several tiny spoons on impact.
“Raph!” Leo yelped.
“My, my,” Big Mama cooed. “What a splendiferous display!”
Raph blinked. “It…is?”
Mikey and his brothers looked at each other, stunned. Then all four of them leaped to their feet.
“Big Mama, watch this!”
“No, watch me!”
“Check this out!”
Chairs, spoons, and scrambled eggs flew everywhere. Raph started punching everything that would hold still (and some of the goons, who took evasive action.) Donnie grabbed a broken piece of chair and began whacking Leo, who parried with a series of tiny spoons, which he then started to juggle. Mikey scooped up orange after orange and shot Leo’s tiny spoons out of the air. A few of them hit Raph, who promptly ate them and dove for Mikey. Mikey leaped up on Raph’s shell with a giggle and then started running laps around the table, leap-frogging off the backs of the remaining chairs until Donnie whacked him to the floor.
Big Mama laughed and clapped her hands. “Marvelous! It’s been ages since I’ve seen such charming bumbilosity. Not since my darling Lou Jitsu!”
Mikey practically teleported to her side, along with his brothers. “YOU KNOW LOU JITSU?!”
Big Mama’s eyes actually sparkled. Her cheeks turned bright pink and her eyes shone like they’d just given her a Silver Age Lou Jitsu Action Figure. “Why, of course I know Lou Jitsu! I met him on the set of Crouching Shrimp, Hidden Tiger Prawn. He did all his own stunts, you know! And he was the longest-running champion of the Battle Nexus!”
Raph gasped. “You met Lou Jitsu!?”
“What’s his favorite color?” Mikey demanded.
Donnie shoved Mikey aside. “Did his punches really exceed 100 miles per hour?”
Leo shouldered in front of Donnie. “What’s the Battle Nexus?”
“It’s the most exciting place in the Hidden City, where yokai of all kinds fight to the death for glory and fame! I think if you trained hard enough, you could be just – like – him!” She booped each one of them on the beak.
Mikey squealed and started racing around her chair, chanting, “Nin-ja! Nin-ja!”
“I wanna be like Lou Jitsu!” Raph shouted eagerly.
Big Mama leaned forward, two fingers cupped gently under Raph’s chin like she was petting a kitten. “Would you like to see where Lou Jitsu fought?”
“YES!” all of them shouted.
“Fabulominous!”
She herded the four them towards the door. Raph and Leo immediately latched onto her hands. Donnie darted back and forth in front of her, while Mikey grabbed the tail of her purple jacket. She laughed her tinkling laugh. “My, what precocious little princes! Oscar, prepare my booth – and bring extra popcorn!”
The four of them cheered. Big Mama shifted to squeeze Mikey’s hand and his heart swelled to bursting. She knew Lou Jitsu! They were gonna be ninjas! And get popcorn! This was gonna be the best!
The five of them (followed by goons) headed out to another hallway. This one was wide with swirly tiles and a heavy purple rug down the middle. There were statues of animal-people on either side and a really high ceiling. It was like they were royalty! Mikey got so excited that he let go of Big Mama’s hand to do cartwheels. Big Mama laughed, so Leo and Donnie had started climbing Raph’s shell and dramatically leaping to the ground (if Raph didn’t catch and throw them.) Big Mama looked delighted at their roughhousing. The Goons just looked annoyed, which made it even better!
Then they passed a new hallway on the right. A bunch of Goons stood there, waiting for Big Mama to go by. One goon was pushing a cart with a bunch of covered trays on top. Mikey probably wouldn’t have noticed except for the feather at the bottom of the cart, resting on its empty lower shelf.
The feather was nearly as long as Mikey’s forearm. It was cobalt-blue at the bottom and vividly green at the tip, and it glittered like it was covered in tiny stars. Mikey’s breath caught. The colors were so bright that he wanted to eat them. It was the most beautiful feather he’d ever seen.
At that exact moment, Leo tried to jump off Raph and Raph caught him by his ankle instead. Raph hung him upside down and started swinging him wildly. Leo was laughing, Donnie tried to catch Leo, and the Goons tried to catch all the statues they were knocking over. Mikey slipped to the side and then dove for the cart. But then the cart started to move and the feather flew up! Mikey scrambled onto the bottom shelf and spun awkwardly, trying to catch it as the feather leaped and twirled around him. And then he caught it, because he was a ninja!
But also now he was riding the cart. No one had noticed him, but when Mikey peeked out, the hallway he’d come from was definitely gone.
Hmm.
He pouted, trying to think. He could yell and scream? And cry a lot? That worked when he got lost in the sewers. And his older brothers were hogging all the attention. So crying was definitely a good idea. And he could show them his feather! Except they couldn’t touch it because they’d been ignoring him.
Satisfied, he opened his mouth and took the deepest breath he could.
Bam!
The cart shoved through two massive doors Mikey hadn’t seen coming. He squeaked and ducked. His eyes went round.
It was a kitchen that seemed to stretch forever. The walls were crammed with ovens, fridges, and cabinets. Four long counters took up the center of the floor, with enough space between them for Mikey and his brothers to lie side by side not touching. Above the counters hung racks of pans, knives, spatulas, spoons, and utensils that Mikey had never even seen before. (A couple of them changed colors or even blinked at him.) The counters themselves were used for slicing and dicing more food than Mikey had ever seen in his life. People in white coats and funny hats walked around each other, yelling or talking, carrying big trays or heavy pots brimming with multicolored smoke. It was like a big, complicated dance.
Someone was rolling a tray full of food towards him. Mikey abruptly realized that he maybe wasn’t supposed to be there, and they might try to make him leave. (Mikey wasn’t sure whether Little Brother powers would work on other people.) So he scampered quickly to the wall, scaled a fridge, and slipped into the cabinet above.
The cabinet was full of interesting bottles, all glass with metal caps. The bottles had lots of smells. Curious, he reached for the nearest one and opened it. It was full of lots of little black granules, like burned sand, but it smelled sweet and sort of…silvery? Mikey sniffed until his eyes crossed. Then he giggled. Smelling was fun!
He reached for more bottles until he’d smelled them all. Some of them made his eyes water. Some were so bitter it made his toes curl. He tried eating a rainbow one, but it didn’t really taste like anything, it just made all the other smells stronger. Interesting. He put that one in his shell pocket, along with the feather. Then he made a small game of organizing the bottles by color. Then by smell, then by color and smell.
Suddenly the cabinet opened. A spotted lizard thing stared up at him.
“’Ey, yer not s’posed to – oi!”
He popped into his shell with a squeak. He shut the lid of his shell tightly. There was a lot of shouting. Someone took him out and shook him. He opened the lid of his shell and hissed.
“Sounds like a bad tea kettle,” growled another voice. There was a pop and one of the spices was held right in front of his shell – a really bitter one. There wasn’t enough air inside his shell to breathe around it so he popped his head out with a gasp. The lizard shrieked and Mikey tried to jerk free, but they pinned him against the nearest counter instead. The counter was cold against his plastron. He looked around. There were a bunch of cutting boards between him and the spice cupboard. On the other side was a hot stove full of bubbling pots. Lots of people were starting to cluster around them.
A big, black cat was looking down on him, sharp eyes narrowed, one paw still curled around the bottle. She had a really big white hat.
“’E was in the spices, Chef Saoirse! Coulda nicked somfing!”
“Nu-uh!” Mikey piped.
The lizard rattled him again. “Smell like mystics, you do! Got somfing in your shell? Hmm?”
He scowled. “I was just borrowing! It’s pretty!”
“Going to try it on something?” Saoirse picked him up with one paw and smiled with lots and lots of teeth. “You would make excellent turtle soup.”
Mikey rolled his eyes. If she really tried to do that, he’d just scream and Raph would come running. But her threat was so cheesy he couldn’t take it seriously. “You’re not doing the evil voice right. Or the soup. It smells so weird!” He popped out an arm and pointed to the nearest pot.
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Oh?”
“Duh! It smells, um, cold? It needs to be hot!”
“You mean spicy?” a seahorse person offered. Saoirse glared at the seahorse and they cowered.
Mikey brightened. “Yeah! Hang on –”
He popped his legs out and swung, twisting. If Saoirse had used her claws, it wouldn’t have worked, but the pads of her paws were barely rougher than Raph’s. Mikey knew how to break that grip. He dropped to the hot stove and scampered across the counter. Several people shouted and grabbed for him, but he dodged them all and scampered up the fridge. He’d just organized the spices. He knew exactly where to find them all. He was in and out in less than a second.
“Here!” he said brightly, holding out two bottles. One was the crinkly black spice and the other looked like little grains of blue sand.
“Correct,” Saoirse said slowly.
Suddenly the seahorse person gasped. “Your feet!”
Mikey looked down. Oh, right. He’d run across the cutting boards where they’d been chopping vegetables. He’d run right over the knives.
“I’m fine! See?” He lifted a foot to show them. His foot really was fine! Except that a thin red line appeared when he lifted it. Then the stinging hit. He yelped and hopped on one foot. “Baby slice! Papercut! Ow ow ow ow ow!”
“I got him, I got him!”
“’E needs the first aid kit!”
“I’ll get a lollipop!”
“You dingbat, kids don’t like lollipops, they like chocolate!”
Suddenly everyone was rushing to help him at once. Mikey giggled, a little anxious. It was nice attention but it was a lot at once. He glanced at the big cat chef. She stepped back to allow everyone to help, but she kept her eyes narrowed and locked onto him. His shoulders relaxed a bit. She still looked mad but she definitely wasn’t anymore, like when he snuck Donnie cups of Dad’s coffee after a fight and Donnie forgave him without saying it. So Mikey grinned his most adorable grin and held out his hands for uppies.
It took a while for things to settle back down. Saoirse had banished him to a particular part of the counter, except it wasn’t really banishment because she kept coming over to let him taste-test. The seahorse person, Naomi, was teaching him to chop vegetables. Naomi also gave him a hairnet to wear, like all the other yokai. (Mikey learned that all the animal-alien-people were called yokai.) It wasn’t just for hair, she said. It was magical, so that nobody shed fur or scales or anything else while they were working with food.
“And you use a blade like this – all wrinkled on the sides, see? That keeps the carrot from sticking to the blade as you chop don’t put your thumb there!”
“Sorry,” Mikey said, realigning his hand on the carrot. He was frowning in concentration and his tongue stuck out of his mouth.
Saoirse walked past and slapped his head with her tail. “Relax, turtle, you’ll get too stiff to chop. If you’re useless I’ll throw you in a pot for dinner.”
A shark yokai smirked. “Didn’t you use the same threat on me?”
“The threat is still good, Lodi. Chop faster. Jorge, give the boy your pea shells when you’re done. He needs a snack.”
Mikey had gotten lots and lots of snacks. Some were scraps and some were little treats stolen off of trays before they went out of the kitchen. And he learned lots! Saoirse was crabby like Donnie but she was a lot like Raph, because she rotated her staff so they could all take breaks with Mikey. He helped use his super-sniffer to fix recipes and he learned the names of different spices and how to measure and then back to chopping.
Lolly finally came by to pick him up. By the time he sauntered in, Mikey had moved on to parsnips, slowly chopping them into perfect paper-thin slices. Saoirse was cooking next to him, her hands moving so fast with her own work they were practically a blur. Mikey wanted to be that fast, but she’d told him it was better to start slow. It was hard to cut rolling things, though. He almost didn’t notice when the Lolly came in, except that Lodi the Junior Chef hissed a warning.
“Head Chef! Lolly’s back!”
Saoirse looked up. Her face went from stern to scowling.
The yokai grinned at Mikey. “Well look at you, scamp! Running off to play with sharp things. What’ll your older brothers say?”
Saoirse and Mikey threw him identical glares.
“I’m not a baby, I make tons of meals at home!” Mikey snapped.
“He’s your charge, then?” Saoirse growled. “I wonder how on earth a little kappa came to find my kitchen, Lolly. My extremely well-warded kitchen.”
“There were wards?” Lolly asked innocently.
Saoirse called him a bad word. Lolly let out a fake gasp. Mikey let out a real, very delighted gasp.
She crooked her knife at Lolly. “Laugh all you want, I know you set this up. It’s got your tie-dye pawprints all over it.”
“I would never! I’m just here to pick him up for dinner. Unless you were thinking of making turtle soup –”
Saoirse threw her knife at him. Lolly dodged, scooped up Mikey, and ran out the door, both of them giggling hysterically.
“She wouldn’t really have made me into soup,” Mikey told him, grinning and curling his arms around Lolly’s neck.
“’Course not, or I wouldn’t have led you there. What were you doing on the counter, anyway? You planning on becoming a gargoyle?” Lolly swung Mikey up over his head. Mikey landed with a squeal, both feet on Lolly’s ears, their hands clasped so Mikey wouldn’t fall. Mikey hunched over and blew a raspberry at him. Lolly grinned. “That’s what I thought! Kitchen gargoyle in the making. I bet Lucy and Tabitha will poop all over you.”
Those were two of the kitchen porters. Mikey made a face. “They’re not real birds, dum-dum! They’re yogurt!”
“Yokai?”
“Yeah!” Mikey bounced a little on Lolly’s head. Lolly had pretty good balance and didn’t break stride, even though they were turning a corner down another hall. He was so steady it was kind of like sitting on Raph’s shoulders, but taller. “I met a bunch of yokai! They were really nice! I had tons of snacks, except I couldn’t fit them in my shell to give to my brothers. Can you teach me how to fit snacks in my sleeves, too?”
“I could, but maybe later. If I stuffed my sleeves with snacks you wouldn’t have room for dinner.”
“I’m hungry!” Mikey demanded, because he really was. “Are my brothers going to be there?”
“Yep. Big Mama had to run to Town Hall today, so she sent them back to your room. We’re going to swing by and pick them up on the way to dinner. Good thing, too. I don’t think I’ve got enough lollipops left for four hungry turtles.”
Mikey gasped. “Oh oh oh! Is your name Lolly, because you like lollipops?”
“Hmm? Oh, totally, totally.”
Mikey squinted down at him. “You sound like Leo when he’s lying. You’re not really named lollipop!”
“How would you know? Maybe my name is actually Lepidoptera. Or Lolita. Or lolly-gag. Because lollipops make me gag.”
“They do not.”
“Do, too!”
“Do not!”
“Do, too!”
Mikey play-growled and tried to kick Lolly in the head, just a little. But Lolly suddenly ducked and Mikey half-dropped until Lolly caught him again, swinging him by a wrist and then a foot and then upside down even as Lolly kept strolling down the halls. Mikey laughed until he couldn’t catch his breath.
Donnie crouched on top of the canopy, in the middle of a play-fight with his brothers. They were waiting for Mikey to get back. That was fine with Donnie – he wanted to reenact every fight they’d watched.
The Nexus had been amazing. The fighting, the pomp, the theater! The big loud announcements and commentary! The costumes! Oh, sweet Ruth Benerito, the costumes! They’d watched everything from Big Mama’s box. It was pretty high up, but they could see the whole arena. It had felt like watching Lou Jitsu live and in person! The fights had been amazing!
Well. Most of the fights. The one with the two-headed hippo-scorpion had been kinda boring. The yokai fighting it just poked at its thick hide, then played dead after it smacked him with its tail.
(He probably hadn’t been playing dead, actually. But that’s what Leo told Raph, and he sounded so certain and bored that Raph believed him. Donnie didn’t bother saying otherwise.)
It had been weird watching without Mikey, though. Raph had gotten worried, but Big Mama said there was no way to leave the Nexus without her permission, so he couldn’t get lost. Raph asked if Lolly could find him and she’d said yes. Then Leo distracted everyone with commentary on the next fight.
They watched fights all day until Big Mama said she had to go do paperwork before the nighttime programs began. Paperwork sounded boring, so Donnie didn’t object when Lolly brought them back to their room. He said he’d taken Mikey to the kitchens and went to get him. That left Donnie, Raph, and Leo arguing over their favorite fight of the day, then reenacting all of them to prove who was right.
Donnie’s favorite, of course, had been a yokai that looked kind of like a praying mantis, except that its forearms had been modified into mystical weapons. He’d even made something similar by dismantling part of the dresser. It looked like a slingshot crossed with a canon. He was using breakables for ammunition – light bulbs, glass bottles, whatever made a good shatter.
Donnie slipped down from the canopy and onto the bed, crouching behind some pillows. He waited with predatory patience while Raph and Leo rolled around on the floor.
“Komodo Dragon Slide!” Leo cried, and slid between Raph’s legs just as Raph lunged for him.
Donnie leaped out from his cover, weapon aimed at Leo’s plastron. “Eat hot perfume, suckah!”
He fired, but Leo smacked it like a volleyball and it hit the bed next to Donnie. Donnie grabbed it and reloaded. There was a few seconds in which the perfume bottle became a blur in the air between them. Unfortunately, in that heated exchange of mortal combat, Donnie forgot about Raph.
“SNEAK ATTACK!”
Raph yanked the covers off the bed. Donnie shrieked and slipped, then realized that he was still being dragged toward Raph. He rolled to avoid his brother’s grasp, then scrambled up the nearest bedpost to the canopy.
Suddenly the door swung open. Lolly came in, carrying Mikey in his arms.
“Leo!” Mikey chirped, and practically threw himself out of Lolly’s arms. Leo scrambled to catch him.
“Ah-HA!” Donnie crowed, aiming his weapon (now loaded with a tiny porcelain soap dish). “I have you now, Komodo! Victory is mine!”
“Oh yeah? Double-Dragon Combo!”
Leo threw Mikey at Raph. Mikey, expecting the next part, popped into his shell. Raph caught him and threw him at Donnie as hard as he could, roaring like a dragon. Donnie saw his too-short life flash before his eyes (sewers, Halloween candy, Leo wrecked Donnie’s toaster again). Mikey’s shell hit Donnie squarely in the plastron and the two of them tumbled to the bed.
Mikey popped back out and sat on Donnie’s shell. “I win!” he cried.
“Mikey!” Raph leaped onto the bed, landing so hard that Donnie and Mikey bounced a few feet in the air. Donnie hissed but Leo tackled him. Raph caught Mikey, both of them grinning hugely. “Lolly said you went to the kitchen today. You missed all the fights! It was like a movie in real life!”
Donnie rolled over Leo. “KARATE KICK OF –”
“JUSTICE!” Leo said, and stomach-kicked Donnie. Donnie grabbed a pillow and attempted to suffocate his twin.
Mikey pouted. “Aw, I wanna see real fights, too! Brother fights are boring.”
“Mm-ffmm!” Leo said, from under the pillow.
Raph reached over and plucked Donnie up by the back of his shell. Donnie, feeling like he’d successfully worked out all his inner evil, let him do it.
“Don’t worry, Mikey! You can do ninja training with us tomorrow. And then we’ll all get to be real ninjas, in real life!”
Mikey gasped. “We will? How?!”
“Yeah, how?” Lolly asked, leaning against the doorway. “C’mon, kids, time for dinner with Big Mama.”
“Dinner!” Raph jumped off the bed, Mikey still in his arms. The five of them headed out. Donnie side-eyed the owl and fox goons. They’d been following them around all day, even when they were with Big Mama. They’d been stationed outside their bedroom door, too, and – yep, they were following them. Donnie scowled.
Mikey scowled, too. “I don’t want dinner. I already got lots of snacks! I wanna see a fight!”
“It’s okay, Mikey!” Leo practically bounced next to Raph. “You know how Big Mama said we’re her opening act? I had an awesome idea! We’re gonna do a ninja obstacle course in front of the whole city!”
Mikey’s eyes lit up. “We are?!”
“That’d be so cool!” Raph gushed. “It’d be like ninja training at home, but better!”
“I wanna fight with the mantis guy!” Donnie said eagerly. “We could exchange weapon designs!”
Raph nudged him with an elbow. “I thought you didn’t like magic stuff? You keep saying it’s not real when Leo does his coin trick.”
“Maybe I just like actually cool magic!”
“Ouch,” Lolly said, and Mikey giggled.
Leo rolled his eyes. “Guys, I said obstacle course, not fights. What if we got someone totally boring? Like that guy who fought the hippo-scorpion thing. One hit and he just played dead! What a dummy.”
Donnie laughed way too loudly, looked away, and accidentally caught Lolly’s eye. He looked down at his toes as they walked. The guy probably hadn’t been playing dead. He knew that. But that’s what Leo told Raph, and he sounded so certain and bored that Raph believed him. Donnie didn’t bother saying otherwise.
…Maybe fighting wasn’t a good idea.
“I wanna fight with magic!” Mikey shouted.
Leo sighed with exaggerated patience. “Mikey, obstacle courses are better. Just like Lou Jitsu and the Seven Deadly Ladders of Doom.”
“But you guys got to fight! I wanna fight!”
“We only saw fights, we didn’t actually –”
They reached the dining room doors. Mikey shoved his way through, ran right up to Big Mama and shouted, “I WANNA FIGHT LIKE LOU JITSU!”
She laughed and booped his beak. “Do you, my little scrumpet?”
Leo fake-karate-chopped Mikey’s head. “No, he doesn’t.”
“I do, too!” He tried to bite Leo’s hand. Leo tripped him, then sat on him. Mikey yowled like a wounded cat.
Ohhh, a brother fight. Donnie took a seat to watch. Raph edged closer, wary.
Leo rolled his eyes. “Sorry, Big Mama, he can’t fight. He’ll just sit there and cry.”
“I will not!” Mikey snapped.
Leo gave him a sharp look. “Don’t think about dead baby birds.”
Mikey burst into tears. Raph leaped forward instantly, scooping up Mikey and scolding Leo. Donnie went very still. He stared at Leo, who sat down next to Big Mama and started talking about obstacle courses.
Leo had made Mikey cry.
The owl and fox goons took up stations by the door. Lolly had vanished. Raph had his hands full of a sobbing Mikey. Mikey cheered up when more goons started bringing in food. He even waved to a few and started pointing out which dishes were what to Raph.
Donnie kept his eyes on Leo. Thinking. Leo kept up a constant chatter with Big Mama, and folded Mikey into it when he finally stopped crying. There was something about Leo’s face that kept catching Donnie’s attention. Like the time they found an actual alligator in the sewers, and they had to be very, very careful to get away.
It made him remember that they’d been brought to Big Mama in bags.
This is part of a petshop AU story I want to write. The turtles run a petshop that flips back and forth between the human and yokai cities. Raph still hasn't outgrown worrying over his brothers, especially Mikey, when they roam New York City. He tried watching for their return from the roof, but he just worked himself up worrying. Leo thought up a solution: a pigeon coop! Donnie built it on the shop roof, plus a concrete bench to rest on. Now, when his brothers run errands, Raph hangs out on the roof with his birds and takes lots of selfies. It's perfect animal therapy. Just in time, too. If he'd stalked Mikey on his errands ONE MORE TIME, they would've heard Dr. Delicate Touch from L.A.
(P.S. it's not real pizza, Mikey made a pigeon-safe recipe that looks exactly like it. Raph tried it, it's pretty good!)
