R.M.R

My past, present and future under one roof

[remember-my-retrospection]

I have trust issues,

With your promises.

They roll out of your tongue,

Like smooth butter gliding on toast.

But see,

Your promises

They're also like burnt edges...

They leave a bad aftertaste.

Burnt Toast Promises - T. A

[remember-my-retrospection]

You claim you want to

save the trees,

yet you sing songs

on wooden guitars

and sleep

on wooden beds.

T. A, Millennial Hippie

[remember-my-retrospection]

Being positive is exhausting.

T. A

[remember-my-retrospection]

I have always followed the rules

as per his dictatorship.

All these years later

nothing I have achieved

I can call my own.

I realize if I stray away from him

I'll lose everything

and nothing,

Simultaneously

-CONTROL, T.A

[remember-my-retrospection]

Numbness encaplusates me permanently,

Here I was, here I am, as before, with this overbearing shadow dancing above my existence.

I'm laying down, with all the earth's weight on my shoulders,

I don't dare tell anyone how close my clavicles are to snapping.

It takes six weeks for bone to start healing, so I wonder what harm another six weeks would do.

This wandering, like a stray dog, this yearning for happiness like a child during Christmas, this obsession with a dream of being perfect.

They say time heals, time will pass but why is it I find myself questioning when will this melancholic 'forever' end?

And so I wonder again, it takes six weeks for bone to start healing... How long does it take for the mind?

Bone Healing - T. A

[remember-my-retrospection]

Real talk 2:

I am so irritated by these blog posts and articles spitting out pseudo-psychology “advice”. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Those articles that are titled, “How to love yourself in five steps” or “How to be a better person” or “How to live your life the way you want it.” I scroll through my facebook seeing all these posts and every time I read each article i’m disgustingly flabbergasted by the amount of bullshit each sentence carries. The problem is that these posts are written by either teenagers or people in their early twenties who think that just because they’ve fast-forwarded three years of life with constant partying, drugs, alcohol and the occasional fuck, they are “experienced”. I’m sorry, no...quite the contrary.  Let’s dissect your so called “advice” written so eloquently with words no one can pronounce. So, you write words which are published in an article that eventually gets shared by ignorant people on every social media platform in hopes of broadcasting more stupidity. 

[remember-my-retrospection]

Maybe i’m sitting here thinking of you, With a warm cup of coffee in my hands Because it’s Winter and i miss your warmth. Maybe it’s because December was the month i met you and fell in love. It’s been 8 months since I’ve seen your face And the way we drifted away from each other was raw and sudden. I’m sleeping beside someone else now, He treats me like dirt and does not satisfy my needs. I thought a young, handsome man who didn’t strive for commitment Was the medicine to my wounds. I told him, “We’re just friends.” Because when i lost you, I knew no one else would ever care for me; Not him or them. There is no point in holding onto flesh that disappears like vapour. But what did i know about friendship? I’ve lost so many people in the span of six years, Nothing seems alright anymore. I lost you as well didn’t I? I fell out of love with you,  We both pushed each other away. But now i realised that i was confused, Most importantly I was selfish. I chose to push you away, I didn’t understand your circumstance. I’m sorry. You still talk to me and tell me that you love me, But I don’t think that you’ll ever understand.  December has made me fall in love with you again And this time I’m the one who’s falling.

Chasing the Past by T.A

[remember-my-retrospection]

You’re built with excuses. Every layer of your skin is prepared with an excuse. The periods of time which you decide to cut me off for no reason are disgusting. You then come back to me if you need something…support, sex or to fill your social void. Do you take me as fool? I may have a kind heart but it has been taught many lessons throughout the years. Don’t underestimate kindness for weakness they say and boy, how true that statement is. I am stronger than you think and I am definitely wiser than you. You are a coward; A pathetic boy in a man’s body who pretends he is an adult but in actuality you are still a child. A mature man does not leave a woman for the sake of a quick sex fix, after months of convincing her that he is her best support system. The next time you want a quick fuck, make sure you stop your fingers from typing a single letter to me. The next time you pretend to care, remind yourself that I don’t. The next time you decide to pay for my meals and lay down next to me to tell me how I’m a wonderful human being, remember that I know your words are just words and nothing else. I am done listening to your excuses about why you’re always on hiatus with our friendship.

Friendship Hiatus, R.M.R

[remember-my-retrospection]

But we are merely just two bodies laying next to each other, lying to each other. Your scent will be replaced with another once we are sick of the rush. No rush, no rush we both said at the very start. The pleasure halts in this moment. We are two souls who engaged in an intimate act that only lovers are allowed to perform. Shame on us and the dangerous games we dare to play. We lasted an hour and after the climax, we've returned to this current state of nothing but flesh, scratch marks, sweat and fluid. Our chests rise up and down, we pant like dirty dogs. In the back of our minds we are waiting for the next fix to cure our urges. Let the days pass by and just wait for the time our skins touch again, when we will feel the same way as today; futile, empty, broken and emotionless. That's the way we roll. Roll on sex-scented bed covers, roll a psychedelic joint and let the Rock 'n' Roll music mask the pleasure of temporary treasures.

Sleeping with Strangers, R.M.R (running monologue about sex addiction...not necessarily personal to me but others around me.)

[remember-my-retrospection]

Making others laugh is a gift for the listeners but for the one telling the joke it is sadness wrapped within humour.

Comedy club, R.M.R

[remember-my-retrospection]

Red lips, White lies and a Blue mood.

Red, White and Blue, R.M.R

[dynastycrisis]

Forever proud to be from Kansas

[remember-my-retrospection]

I'll tell you who I am: An American teen who lived the cliché "American Dream", Touched with affection and pure molestation. These scars don't really show when they're etched in your memories, Forget them all, forget your enemies. The money was spent on psychiatry and drugs, The ethanol cups were quickly chugged. Slowly I left a world filled with structure, I became the black sheep that was constantly lectured. I slept on streets that I called home, Two years fly, my skin clings to bones. I felt no emotion, no hate, no lust, no sadness or passion, just sniffing packed dust. As I write this, I want you to know, the girl with blue eyes dug a rabbit hole. My blonde hair carried filth, lies and dirt and now you can see the scars of the hurt.

I Live The American Dream, T.A

[bigandrw-deactivated20160907]

Just because it’s not the 4th of July anymore, doesn’t mean you stop being patriotic.

[thequintessentialamerican]

♥

[remember-my-retrospection]

I was trapped in a friendship were I had to selectively choose what I shared because none of us were comfortable with each other. Secrets were sugar coated once... twice...thrice.

Sugar Coat Me, T.A

[remember-my-retrospection]

I placed people as a priority when they were nothing but a face with many faces.

T.A