Leo • INFP • Woalt

Woalt: a cat/wolf hybrid. Like a cat loves attention only when they ask for it or seek it, otherwise expect a bit of bratty sass, but like a wolf craves a pack-like closeness and loyalty from friends and family.

[taylortheslut-deactivated201910]

To young women in the BDSM community:

Being young and a woman in the BDSM scene is fun.

Sure, you’ve got a flooded inbox of guys wanting to play with you and a seemingly endless fountain of opportunities. Hell, even some guys may want to buy you things! But, before you get to the fun, you really need to make sure you’re safe. It would be kind of embarrassing to be found dead in a ditch with pink fluffy handcuffs on (or worse). Here’s some advice I’d like to give to girls first starting out, possibly looking into their first BDSM relationship.

Don’t settle for the first self-proclaimed Dom to walk into your inbox!

Sure, it’s enticing. But, you really have to examine the person you’re going to give your trust too first. This is the person you’re going to give your control over to (temporarily) and you have to be sure that they’re 1) trustworthy 2) not trying to manipulate you just for sex and 3) a good person. Because at the end of the day, a BDSM dynamic is more of a relationship than just sex.

Someone may come into your inbox, say that they’re compatible with your kinks and want to make your fantasies true, but you have to look at it rationally. Don’t let your hormones take over your decision.

You’re young. You have so much time to find a good dynamic/relationship, don’t rush into it. But also, dip your toes in the water and find out what you like!

Always be on the lookout for the red flags.

If you feel that weird uncertain feeling in your gut, say bye, Felicia!

Here are some common ones.

Young Doms tend to have more red flags as they’re more inexperienced (not always, this is a generalization).

If they don’t ask for your ID before playing with them, that could also be a red flag. As a 19-year-old with babyface, every good Dom I’ve had has asked for it in advance. Consider it a green flag if they do.

If they aren’t concerned about your safety as a young woman, that’s a serious red flag.

Your safety comes before EVERYTHING.

Always make sure to text at least one friend the address of where you’re going to be going beforehand.

Meet up before playing just for a coffee date. If they’re not willing to go on a lil date with you beforehand and just want to play right away, get the hell out of there! Make sure it’s in a public space. Never meet up with someone directly at their house.

Check that they’re STD free and/or use the correct protection.

Always play with a safe word.

Optional: bring pepper spray or a knife with you, just in case.

Talk with them at least a week in advance to playing. If they aren’t willing to put in that effort, drop ‘em.

Make sure they know and respect your limits.

Have a friend call you 30 minutes into your first play-date. If you’re in trouble, pretend that they’re your sibling and you have to go help. (This has helped me before, I was roofied without my knowledge and was uncomfortable with the guy so when my friend called me it was a saving grace. It wasn’t 30 minutes after until I was driving when it kicked in. Yikes.)

And lastly, make sure it’s the right person.

Your first BDSM dynamic is special! Hell, every dynamic is special. Make sure you’re not just looking to get spanked and slapped around by anyone, make sure you have the right Dom.

There are sooooo many girls who have rushed into BDSM that have found themselves in the lap of an abuser. Make sure you’re in the lap of a caring person who also shares your kinks and is willing to do them with you safely!

I probably sound like your mom lecturing you but, as a 19-year-old girl, these are the things I’d wish I would have listened to. And remember, you can always say no. Use it like it’s your goddamn superpower.

Feel free to put your own advice below to the post to help out!

[turnouthenight]

This is so important for new and experienced kinksters alike to read/understand. Kink blogs on Tumblr should post things like this regularly, IMO. I just wanna add a little bit, that might be repeating a little bit:

Take as much time getting to know a person as you need. If it’s a week, 2 weeks, or a month, with multiple casual meet-ups before you ever play, that’s okay! Never do anything if you feel pressured or uncomfortable, and take things at your own pace.

Taking advice from other kinksters can be tricky, because everyone is different, and has varying levels of comfort/experience. Sometimes being new to the lifestyle, you don’t know who to really listen to. At the end of the day, BDSM is governed by your consent alone. If you don’t like/want something, that is okay. (Anal, being degraded, being slapped, comments about your physical appearance, knife play, dd/lg, pet play, being a 24/7 slave etc.) It doesnt matter what it is, if you don’t like it or don’t want it, you are a valid sub.

You’re not a bad submissive for declining something, or disagreeing with someone. No dom has any control that was not given to them by their sub. Anyone who says otherwise is not someone you want around.

You are the one who gets to define what your BDSM experience will be. Starting out, you may not know what you like or what’s possible, and want to try new things.. thats the best part! But after all is said and done, the only correct decisions are the ones that make you feel happy and safe.

Your safety and happiness, however you decide it to be, is the most important thing. Everything else will fall into place if you follow that rule. Be safe out there, and have fun. 🖤

[a-ds-archive]

SS once said the bad guys use the very best disguise

They disguise themselves as good guys

@heartfulofpain has an effective good guy disguise

Read before you risk

Looks like another Tumblr player/manipulator is… - Amy Submits

[daddybrad80]

⏫⏫⏫THIS⏫⏫⏫

[delighted-in-debauchery-deactiv]

A Deep Sense of Peace

I was bent over the bed, as I often am because my back aches and laying like that feels good, he was getting ready for work. Without warning he spanks me, hard, just once with his hand. I, of course, get all giggly and gooey. Then next thing I know I've gotten three or four good whacks with a folded leather belt. They're harder than I've been spanked before and the last one gets me so good that it takes a half second to really kick in and when it does I stand straight up, bouncing on my tip toes!

He's already down the hall, belt around his waist. I lay back down, the same way I had been, half hoping for him to come back to give me a couple more😉, but mostly just taking in the moment.

My heart is beating hard and I can feel the sensation through my entire body. I start to relax, my whole self begins the release: all my worries, anxieties, fears, neediness. They all melt away. I'm content, at ease. I breathe, deep and long, then after a bit, stand up to look out my bedroom window. It's like I can see more clearly. The fog, I'd been feeling for days, has lifted.

I feel warm inside, tender, taken care of and am still staring out the window when he comes back in. I tell him how I'm feeling: the profound sense of peace that has enveloped me. He says: "Well good, I'm happy to help."

He knew. He could feel me and he knew, just what I needed.

[hesincharge]

Missionary

“Missionary is so boring.”

“Get creative!”

“Missionary is so vanilla.”

Yeah, well, all I can say in response to that is when I’m on my back with my hands tied behind me, when he has one hand around the back of my neck and one hand around my waist, when my feet are hanging off the bed so I can’t get any leverage, when the most active thing I can do is clench around his cock while he is using me hard and extracting every ounce of everything i have just to pleasure himself until he collapses in a satisfied heap, spent but still with energy to kiss me deeply and look into my eyes and tell me that he hopes this was a good reminder that I’m his?

I’ll take that any day.

D/s is a mindset, not a position.

[instructor144]

Exactly this. One could quibble with the word “mindset,” but I’m hard pressed to come up with another word that would encapsulate it. Expand it perhaps to “the type of energy and focus one brings to X,” where X is anything from missionary to cunnilingus. Spoiler alert: either of them, along with any number of other things that the naive would label as “vanilla” or “undomly” or “unsubmissive,” are anything but, if one has the correct “mindset.”

[thatmissannie]

He gave me words

I’m struggling mentally right now. Moving is stressful enough, but in two weeks I have to move not only my home, but my bestie’s home, and our studio, all into one place. We are carrying rent on all of these places, plus the new house in July. It’s an insane amount of money in Southern California. (Not even to mention the security deposit on the house.)

I have been stumbling on my daily protocol all week. Self care is the first thing to falter when I am stressed. I am constantly making mile-long, unrealistic to do lists and becoming upset at how “little” I accomplish. Social and fun activities start to feel like a burden, because there is so much work to do.

Last night I arrived at Sir’s ready for a night out with his friends (a big deal). Before I even had my shoes off, he handed me a piece of paper. It had cursive writing on it. Before I could read it, he started a short, rambling explanation that he’d been researching D/s protocols and decided I needed to memorize a mantra. I would be expected to recite it, from memory, on command.

The paper read:

Miss Annie’s Words

Sir, I am a good girl.

I am capable and resilient.

I will cultivate strength and grace every day, within and without.

I am the object of Sir’s desires.

He had me read it out loud to him right then, and I stumbled over the words, not believing him.

Later in the evening, as we drove home, I felt distance between us. He was exhausted, he’d been tapped out about an hour before we called it a night. I was supposed to stay at his that night, but I could see he needed a full night’s sleep, and with his cat and my dog and me all in his bed, that was unlikely. I suggested he drop me off at home. His relief was immediate and his reassurance followed swiftly.

In bed, a text from him asked me for my words. And I was laying in bed, staring at the paper, thinking “I see what you’re doing. I’m struggling, and you want me to do better, you’ve given me permanent encouragement, and you’re working to change my self perceptions.” And that’s incredible, he’s incredible. And I looked at the last line “I am the object of Sir’s desires.” and I felt myself ache for him to tell me he loved me instead. Those words don’t come easily. And we’ve discussed why. And I’ve worked to not get hung up on relationship milestones. But I sat there in bed, wishing his words were “I love you” and I almost let myself believe he doesn’t love me.

But I looked at that piece of paper, at the words he carefully chose for me, and wrote out as beautifully as he could, and I sent the words to him in a text, and I felt loved.

[thatmissannie]

He gave me words

I’m struggling mentally right now. Moving is stressful enough, but in two weeks I have to move not only my home, but my bestie’s home, and our studio, all into one place. We are carrying rent on all of these places, plus the new house in July. It’s an insane amount of money in Southern California. (Not even to mention the security deposit on the house.)

I have been stumbling on my daily protocol all week. Self care is the first thing to falter when I am stressed. I am constantly making mile-long, unrealistic to do lists and becoming upset at how “little” I accomplish. Social and fun activities start to feel like a burden, because there is so much work to do.

Last night I arrived at Sir’s ready for a night out with his friends (a big deal). Before I even had my shoes off, he handed me a piece of paper. It had cursive writing on it. Before I could read it, he started a short, rambling explanation that he’d been researching D/s protocols and decided I needed to memorize a mantra. I would be expected to recite it, from memory, on command.

The paper read:

Miss Annie’s Words

Sir, I am a good girl.

I am capable and resilient.

I will cultivate strength and grace every day, within and without.

I am the object of Sir’s desires.

He had me read it out loud to him right then, and I stumbled over the words, not believing him.

Later in the evening, as we drove home, I felt distance between us. He was exhausted, he’d been tapped out about an hour before we called it a night. I was supposed to stay at his that night, but I could see he needed a full night’s sleep, and with his cat and my dog and me all in his bed, that was unlikely. I suggested he drop me off at home. His relief was immediate and his reassurance followed swiftly.

In bed, a text from him asked me for my words. And I was laying in bed, staring at the paper, thinking “I see what you’re doing. I’m struggling, and you want me to do better, you’ve given me permanent encouragement, and you’re working to change my self perceptions.” And that’s incredible, he’s incredible. And I looked at the last line “I am the object of Sir’s desires.” and I felt myself ache for him to tell me he loved me instead. Those words don’t come easily. And we’ve discussed why. And I’ve worked to not get hung up on relationship milestones. But I sat there in bed, wishing his words were “I love you” and I almost let myself believe he doesn’t love me.

But I looked at that piece of paper, at the words he carefully chose for me, and wrote out as beautifully as he could, and I sent the words to him in a text, and I felt loved.

[itwask4ty]

Phrases like “that’s my girl” and “you look so cute when I hurt you” motivate me to push my limits even more than pain does. I need approval, I’ll do anything to please.

[accidental-muse]

sweet sadism is best sadism. <3

[goodgirlsdoresearch-deactivated]

Of Service

I had just walked through the door from a long, rewarding day’s work. I had made an impact. I had learned and grown. I had connected with others and they had connected with me. It was a perfect day, and I was on top of the world, completely in control, 100% boss bad ass.

“On your knees, Kitten.”  Sir said, before I had the chance to put my bag down.

I looked up. He was sitting in his chair. Scotch in one hand, cock in the other. Waiting for me. Looking at me. Seeing me. Wanting me. Owning me.

Fuck. Submissive headspace achieved. 2 seconds flat.

I kneeled.

“Crawl to me, like a good girl.” He said.

I crawled.

“Good Girl.” He said.

I looked up at him, imploringly.

“Beg.”

I begged.

“Please, Sir.”

“Please what, pet?”

“Please may I have your cock, Sir?”

“Why do you want it?”

“Because I like to be useful, Sir.”

“Yes, Kitten, you may have it.”

I looked up at him gratefully, beginning to move my hand, but he smacked it away.

“What do good girl’s say when Daddy gives them the opportunity to service his cock?”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Good Girl.”

I do love being of service.

[instructor144]

Oh my.

[the-faculty]

Hi there! I have a issue I hate routine I can do it for a time but then I get bored and stale. Problem is my submissive self craves structure and order 😩 They work against each other and I haven't been able to find a happy medium in my dynamic. Do you have any advice that could help at all?

Here’s the thing:

The D/s Heirarchy works like this -

• Subs Needs

• Doms Needs

• Doms Wants

• Subs Wants

If your submissive NEEDS structure (as almost ALL submissives do) then that is your TOP PRIORITY.

The end. No question.

My suggestion here is that you evaluate your gains vs losses.

You are bored, but your sub is stable.

Your sub is stable, you can add new things.

Vs

You don’t have to reinforce routine so you are not bored, but your sub feels unsafe and has chaos clouding their mind.

Your sub is unstable, but you didn’t have to remind them to ask for outfit approval or to make the bed, so you aren’t bored.

Really look at what it is you find as a benefit here.

Everyone wants to be a wolf til it’s time to do wolf shit. Maybe your wolf shit is keeping a baseline for your sub.

💠Kitten💠

[the-faculty]

Lolol okay my Pup pointed out that my reading comprehension is 0% because it says “my submissive self” not “my submissive”

Okay — NEW answer!!

As a submissive with ADHD but also anxiety, I understand both sides of this struggle. On the one hand, constituency makes for less stress, but on the other hand, routine leaves room for lack of “Feeling” it.

When the monotony of routine leaves you poking at the borders of your D/s, My recommendations are:

• Communicate this to your Dominant (in a respectful manner)

• Find new ways to view your acts of service

• Determine new values in your routine

Remember that while routine is the baseline, all relationships are meant to grow and evolve. Take initiative when you’re ready to take another step forward, while maintaining the base practices of the past.

Sorry for the flub the first go-round!! Lol

Xoxo

💠Kitten💠

[dinodaddy-deactivated20221014]

My Tumblr Apocalypse Survival Plan

First off, most of you have probably noticed that my blog is pretty tame.  Cute critters and walls of text abound, but with nary a nipple in sight.  With this in mind, I should be in a good position to weather the Tumblr realignment regarding approved content.  Unfortunately, many of the almost 2,100 of you who follow my blog are not in a similar position, and you are rightfully upset by their decision to make your naughty pictures private.

I am going to stand atop this hill with @instructor144, @i-am-dubs, and many of my other friends.  Simply put, I’ve put so much into this Tumblr that I am going to ride this bomb all the way down.

That said, I will be backing up my blog regularly and starting up a kinkspace account.  I’m also on Kik as TRexodactyl and Discord as Trexodactyl #1200.  You can also find me on battle.net as TRexodactyl #1526.

We will not go quietly into the night…  Except those of you with ball gags… Then there may be a few muffled screams mixed in.

[dinodaddy-deactivated20221014]

Handling Punishments

I have a lot of call center experience, with a lot of that coming in some managerial capacity. While a great deal of management is scheduling, paperwork, reports based on the schedules and paperwork, and paperwork based on the reports and the scheduling, you do occasionally need to deal with disciplinary matters. One instance in particular comes to mind.

A very tenured agent had a particularly difficult call. The customer had a very complicated issue, and they were being extremely verbally abusive. The agent was having a very bad day to begin with, and after a few minutes of being berated, the agent stood, shouted, “You can NOT talk to me like that!” and threw her headset down before storming off the call floor.

This was absolutely NOT okay. Not only was she not allowed to speak to the customer that way, but her behavior was disruptive to the agents seated around her. This was something that had to be dealt with, but my first priority was to make sure that she was okay. Everything else could be dealt with afterwards.

When I found her, she was sitting outside, head down, sobbing into her arms. I sat with her until she was ready to talk without saying a word. When she was able to speak, she told me about her husband’s health problems, her daughter’s boyfriend drama, and about the abusive caller that sent her over the edge. I listened to it all without comment until she was finished, and then expressed my sympathy for her situation. I was in a position to be able to send her home for the remainder of the day so she could relax.

The next day, I pulled her into a conference room with my manager and an HR representative. The first thing we did was to review her past performance, including attendance. We talked about her past successes and the progress she’s made as an agent. Finally, we discussed the incident.

We allowed her to tell her side of the story completely and without interruption. We played the call, so that everyone could hear exactly what transpired. At the end, we decided to place her on a final written notice, knowing that this was such a rare occurrence that it would probably fall off without consequence. She went on to have a solid career without further incident.

So, what can we learn from this incident that applies to our D/s life?  

1. People First - Before you address the infraction, talk to your sub.  Make sure everything is okay with them.  Give them a chance to speak their mind and say what’s been going on with them before you even begin to discuss punishments.

2. Time - Sometimes you need to allow time for tempers to cool and emotions to settle.  Do not enter into punishments in anger or when either you or your sub are extremely emotional.

3. Recap - Sometimes when people get punished, they feel like none of their accomplishments and successes matter once they slip up.  If you review everything and celebrate their achievements, you’re acknowledging that they have made progress and that they have achieved things worthy of praise.  After going over their overall record, then you can look at the specific infraction in relation to their track record.

4. Review - Fully discuss any pertinent information related to the infraction.  Look at the evidence, talk about the motivations and what was going on, and why this infraction matters.  Once you have a clear and understood agreement on exactly what transpired, you can consider the best course of action regarding discipline.

5. Administration - Be unapologetic in your administration of the punishment.  There was an infraction that occurred, and you’ve taken ever measure to ensure that you have a full understanding of the incident.  You’ve discussed what happened and taken the time to decide upon a just and fair punishment for what occurred.  The fulfillment of this duty is every bit as necessary as the more fun duties, even if you personally find it distasteful to have to do so.  

6. Redemption - Once the punishment has been handed out, the matter is done.  You both put the matter behind you and move forward, hopefully on a more successful path.  If patterns of violations emerge, you can reference the patterns and address those in future violations, but if there are no recurrences, the matter need not be discussed further.

REMEMBER - It is NEVER okay to punish from a place of anger or to take out your feelings on your submissive.  Your submissive is NOT your punching bag or your scape goat.  They are responsible for their actions, not for your feelings.  Make sure the punishment fits the crime, and make sure that it is a just and fair punishment.  End things with proper aftercare and absolution from their guilt and let the matter be finished.

[freelydone]

The Fact I’ve Never Safeworded

It’s become something close to a dirty secret, but it didn’t start that way.

I used to feel proud of the fact I’ve never safeworded.

It feels complicated to explain, but I associated safewording with failing. I think many submissives make this link when they first freefall into kink land. With some combination of stubbornness and pride, I told myself it was a mark of success if I could take what a Dom gave me. I think it became a way of proving I could be strong and submissive at a time when it felt like a contradiction.

Now, I know it’s no contradiction. I also know that refusing to safeword doesn’t prove my strength.

I know it’s my responsibility to safeword, just as it’s my Dom’s responsibility to play within my limits. I know refusing to safeword makes play unsafe, by my doing. I know that if I were a Dom, I would question a potential (play) partner if they admitted to never safewording. I know it’s my right to safeword and I should.

Safewording has now become a mark of strength in my mind. How incredibly strong to be able to say: “No. I’ve reached my limit and I feel safe enough to tell you”.

Now, ironically, it feels like a personal failure of mine not to safeword when needed.

It doesn’t matter how many tumblr posts I read saying I should safeword if I need to, that I have the right to, that it’s my responsibility.

It’s not that simple.

BDSM may create its own freeing power exchange, but it’s embedded within global power structures. I’m tired of reading about safewording as if it were separate from the real world we live in: a world that positions men over women, white over colour, straight and binary over bent and fluid. I’m tired of reading straight, white male Doms on their (mostly wonderful) blogs say that it’s simple: you have a safeword, use your safeword.

It’s a huge privilege to genuinely believe it’s that simple, and I envy it.

That doesn’t mean I wasn’t irresponsible: years of playing and I’ve been unable to safeword.

I wasn’t even aware of it, at first. I was semi-aware that I struggled to say an outright ‘no’ to sex. But that’s the case for most people living within this Western society, where we’re encouraged not to reject people so directly. The unwritten social code teaches us to make excuses, rather than say that ugly two letter word.

“I’m sorry but I have a family thing that weekend, otherwise I’d love to…”

“Oh no, I can’t make that night, such a shame, another time…”

“Ah I don’t think I can, work/the kids/friends/family/the car/the dentist/the goldfish…”

It always baffled me that we were told (and expected) to simply say ‘no’ to sex, yet not in any other situation. Especially when ‘no’ in a sexual setting is a far deeper level of personal and intimate rejection.

‘No Means No’ screamed the consent campaign a few years back. In actual fact, ‘no’ sparks anger. I wrote a post about it a while back. No is not my safe word, I typed out, along with some of the poignant moments where I had been forced to acknowledge that fact. And I, very naively, believed that if I replaced ‘no’ with my own chosen word, I would feel empowered to say it. It was ridiculous and simplistic and I wanted to believe it so badly that I fooled myself. I’d found a world that allowed and encouraged me to mark out my own boundaries, communicate my own limits, put my needs first, and I was sky high drunk on the existence of such a community. So high that I ‘forgot’ that this community, for all its wonders, cannot ever be truly separate from the rest of the world. Finding BDSM was still healing in many ways, but a lack of self-awareness can only let the healing go so far.

Until I was forced to acknowledge something different.

I don’t think the details are so important. There was a panic attack during (vanilla) sex because I didn’t want to continue and I froze. I couldn’t voice it. I trusted her, yet I couldn’t say it. There were (and still are) the over-due counselling sessions. There was the colossal realisation that my first relationship was abusive, nearly a decade after I had escaped it. I was only a teen and, just like most forms of abuse, it had me believing it was my own weakness, my own failure, my own responsibility.

But this post isn’t about my abusive ex-partner. Yes, that relationship has certainly had an impact on my ability to say ‘no’ and, thus, safeword. But, sadly, he wasn’t an anomaly in an otherwise golden world. There were all the others I listed in my previous post. There’s the culture that bred my ex-partner. He was an extreme product of it, but we don’t need to have experienced such explicitly abusive partners to feel unable to say ‘no’ or to safeword. We are saturated in norms that punish women for saying ‘no’.

This is a gendered lesson internalised from a very young age. And it’s everywhere.

All those ‘romantic’ films that present girls and women saying ‘no’ as a challenge: just try harder, chase her, she’ll change her mind eventually.

The media that embodies victim blaming culture, framing girls and women as ‘asking for it’. She was wearing that skirt? She was walking alone at night? She was drunk? Well, what did she expect.

Shh, take the compliment… shh, it’s just a bit of banter… shh, give us a smile… shh, we’re just having fun… shh, you were asking for it: wearing that, doing that, drinking that… you just want the attention… shh, of course we don’t believe you. Shh.

‘No’ earnt me name-calling, demeaning and degrading language, physical violence and, most of all, sexual violence. So I stopped saying it. Especially in a sexual setting. That’s fairly easy to understand, I think.

I learnt to contain it, as many women do. That two letter word could be howling a hurricane through my mind, but you’d never know it. I learnt to seal it inside with a smile. I learnt that it’s much safer to laugh it off, to back away slowly and carefully whilst keeping the other person at ease. Always keep them feeling comfortable, I learnt, even if you yearn to scream in their face. It’s not worth it, I was told. I learnt that it was much safer to stay silent. I learnt that ‘no’ gets us nowhere.

BDSM can sometimes feel like a glorious, isolated island with its open communication, personal setting of boundaries and fluid power play. But it is an island surrounded by the oceans of ‘the real world’. And those reality-oceans are certainly powerful enough to tsunami across this island with all those norms, born out of misogyny and racism and homo/trans-phobia. BDSM does not exist separately from the rest of the world.

And stepping onto that island does not immediately free us from our lived experiences. Our experiences form brain patterns that are deep and difficult to unravel.

People internalise and soak up their surroundings in different ways, to varying degrees. Women aren’t a collective, living and breathing as one, and I certainly don’t want to project my experiences onto women “as a unit” (which does not exist). But gender is a powerful structure, by humans’ doing.

I’ve mostly scribbled this about being born a daughter. But that’s only one layer. Racialise these experiences, take away the cis element, the layers get more complicated, the oppression gets deeper.

And then throw typical submissive qualities into the minefield. We can be people-pleasers and sensitive to the lessons that our surroundings preach.

Surroundings that tell you to shhh.

Like I said, safewording is not that simple.

And, yet.

I do believe that it is possible to unravel those entrenched brain patterns. Through practise, with a lot of trust, open communication and patience, I think we can override brain signals that have become automatic over the years. It may seem odd to practise saying ‘no’ or safewording. But, by normalising it and relearning that it won’t spark anger, violence or dismissal with trusted people, we can free our voice. Having a trusted partner instruct you to say it, within very comfortable limits, could break that brain wiring. Not instantaneously, but with lots of patience and time.

I haven’t tried it yet, and I don’t imagine it will be simple.

But I’m tired of reading that safewording is simple.

The fact I’ve never safeworded is not simple.

[instructor144]

Solid, thought-provoking writing. 

[aww-so-pretty]

Being so cute is exhausting 🐶❤️

Source

[protect-and-love-cats]

A New Day a New Adventure

[bigbadwolf-ish-deactivated20250]

What 24/7 D/s Looks Like to a Couple of Newbies in 2018

So, a while back I decided to get sober. (Wait for it… it comes back around.) I went to the meetings and joined the clubs and all that… and, it worked. No more drinking. The best piece of advice I got?… 

“Stick with the old-timers. They got it figured out.”

A while before that I did a stint in prison. I was a kid. Just old enough to get drafted not old enough to get drunk. None of it seemed real. Did real time, though. Best advice I got?… “Stick with the old timers. They got it figured out.”

That piece of wisdom has served me well in my years as a contributing member of society. So, when MG @wolfpack-princesskitty and I first turned to Tumblr and a few other sites in search of any info or insights into our newly-confessed shared fantasies… one of my first thoughts was 

“Stick with the fucking old timers.” 

And, after several months of watching many blogs I had determined who those people were and I began to make connections. And I’m very thankful for the connections we have made, and for those who have agreed to mentor MG and me along the way. All providing a sobering and real life perspective on various aspects of a 24/7 D/s relationship; in our case, a marriage. So glad to be grounded here right now.

Because from where I stand 90% of the rest of the time this shit looks like Vegas, baby. Wooo!

  Welcome to D/s relationships for millennials.  

What it looks like: It looks like 50 Shades of Harry Potter and Sparkly goddamned Vampires is what it looks like… and it looks fucking awesome! Expensive suits and Bitches in black lingerie kneeling and crawling… the leashes and spankings and the gagging on cocks… timid, meek, all trusting subs and stoic, powerful, all knowing doms. Paradise for the slightly-to-moderately twisted peoples of a certain ilk… I mean, it can’t be that perfect in real life, but still… come on.

You can hate it all you like, but those books and movies are the extent of John Q. Public’s grasp on your chosen lifestyle, and at worst, it has turned out to be a great ‘evangelical tool’ as it were…

But someone has to sort out the abusers and the narcissists and the standard model douche bags from the good guys with good intentions. Somebody has to inject truth and reason and wisdom into the conversation. Someone has to show us where the ground ends and the clouds begin so we can self-moderate. Because…

What it is:

It’s hard work, dedication, devotion, integrity, grit, determination, kindness in the hardest of times… honesty, communication… Just like any functioning relationship, really…

It looks like 50 Shades of Harry Potter and Sparkly goddamned Vampires is what it looks like… and it looks fucking awesome!

It’s boundaries and security and exploring sexual interests together… it’s a little bit of doubt (Ok, maybe a lot of doubt at times), a little bit of fear, enough love to carry two sometimes three, four, five souls forward into a new real life, where everything is a decision… a choice… even for those who make no choices. A life in which lust is a limitless hunger… an insatiable wolf… and your hunger is so focused you want to entirely destroy and devour this pretty little thing wearing your collar…

Sometimes it’s body issues, and insecurities about cock size, and irrational conversations into the early morning hours… often, the stronger of the two quietly trying to decide just how much truth the other person can actually handle… sometimes it’s greatly overestimating that amount of truth…

Sometimes it’s a spark of hope… and sometimes it’s a last resort…

Sometimes it’s ropes and cuffs and collars and bruises… and sometimes it’s blankets and snacks and kisses and cuddles…

It’s an empowerment achieved in a point of singularity where both the powerful and powerless are each perfectly balanced one with the other… mutually satisfied. A feeling like no other.

  For some of us, it’s what we’ve come seeking… for some of us it’s just who we are…

For every idiot ‘Tubmlr Daddy’, there’s a good man with a great dom inside, watching you blast the new generation from the comfort of your well-earned status, and doubting himself… afraid that he’s not a real dominant. Too afraid his ask will get him ridiculed. I know because that was me before I finally manned up and reached out. 

Please keep in mind that we’re not all a part of the tide of idiots and abusers… please continue to be an island for those of us who were simply swept up in their wake…

So, a shout out to those blogs and bloggers that have informed us, included us, inspired us…

@instructor144, @thetriskeliondiaries, @dinodaddy, @verse50, @theruleset, @submissive-seeking, @the-faculty, @i-could-be-the-walrus, @amysubmits, @itsshinycollectordestinyworld, @sincardinality, @quietlyconscious, @techiejedi, @tooprettytolive, @theropegeek, @crusoesampersand, @maddigans, @westcoastgentleman, @yessiraustralia-again

and a ton more I’m leaving out… For those of you who know who the hell we are, and those who don’t… For those who are personally investing their time into our success… for those who don’t even realize how real an impact you have… 

I’m not sucking up (maybe a little)… I’m not posturing…

You guys deserve recognition for taking the time out of your lives to share those lives with the rest of us… You deserve recognition for being great writers, most of you anyway… lol… But mainly I want to lift you guys up as the standard… because we desperately need more real doms and subs to provide some perspective to the magical, leather-clad diamond-skinned vampires with secret rooms… how cliche’. 

[instructor144]

Well done, and solid writing.

[slave2submission]

1,000 claps to you, @bigbadwolf-ish. This piece was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. A very relatable, and accurate piece that was very close to home. Just last night @rashadtheking513 and I were up, into the wee hours, having irrational frustrating discussions, both of us deciding how honest we could be, and eventually realizing full transparency is what is required for this lifestyle as D/s thrives on open communication (which is on of my favorite parts.) There is no connection so deep as the one you bare your soul to, sharing all, in the moments of the good, and the bad. Knowing that they understand even the darkest parts of your mind and still choose to stay makes it all worth it.

Thank you so much for writing this piece. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and relating to it.

Best of luck to you and yours, and don’t ever hesitate to reach out! I love connecting with this community ❤️

-💜-

S2S

[memesandlaughs]

[aww-so-pretty]

Ego the adventure dog 🐶🏔🌎

[a-new-chapter-a-new-beginning]

I never get tired of this video. His little legs galloping… gah, so cute!

[auroradragon1]

Have you seen this cuteness?

[caramelmachete]

It’s a pacifier! He’s stolen a baby’s binky and he’s so excited. Adorable.

[musicalhell]

Feeling sad? Have a mighty hunter.