cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul, I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
â âËàż SELLYđđËâââ đâżË°
19. She/Her. Turkish. English isnât my first language, so I apologize if I make some mistakes. Please do not copy or post any of my work anywhere; it belongs to me, and I do not give permission for it to be copied or posted. Thank you all for your respect.
I swear I didnât mean to vanish for months đ Exams completely took over, but I will finish the end of Fidelity soon. I Promise. đ«¶đ»đ«¶đ»đ«¶đ»
MASTERLIST -`âźÂŽ- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank
Summary: Kook!Readerâs world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely personâJJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.
Warnings: nothing
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When Rafe parked his car in front of your house, his hands froze on the steering wheel. Thoughts were spiraling in his head, but he couldnât seem to grab hold of any of them. He was tense. Anger, uncertainty, curiosityâand just a flicker of hope. All of it was screaming at him, like a chorus of emotions refusing to shut the hell up.
Heâd been thinking about this day for weeks. He had gone over every possible move, replayed this moment in his mind a million times. He wanted to look better than his best. Even if he didnât say the words out loud, he wanted to be someone worthy of Liliana.
Someone who deserved to be her father.
And when the door opened, it was you standing there. Just a plain grey T-shirt on, messy hair, eyes tired and unreadable. You leaned against the doorframe, looking straight at him sitting in the car.
For a second, Rafe felt like he was thrown into the past. He still wasnât used to being near you. Hell, he had forgotten how to breathe when you texted him. And nowânow you were right there, just a few steps away on the damn porch.
For a heartbeat, just one, Rafe imagined you running to him as soon as he got out of the car. Just like old times.
Youâd plant a kiss on his cheek, jump into his arms, laugh and say how excited you were to see him again, making him laugh too.
But those days were gone. You werenât going to run into his arms, and he wasnât going to kiss you like before. This wasnât five years ago. You were who you are now. And heâhe was whatever was left of himself after you. Half of what he used to be.
Still, Rafe stepped out of the car, his daydream fading. Just walking toward you felt like the universe was cutting him some slack for once. He took a deep breath, tryingâand failingâto shake the tension in his chest.
âHey. Youâre here,â you said, not taking your eyes off him.
âYeah,â Rafe nodded slightly. âSorry Iâm a bit late.â
He didnât mean to be. He had nearly lost it back at home, overwhelmed by nerves. He hadn't even realized how much time had passed.
âItâs fine,â you said automatically, brushing off your hand and giving a little shrug.
Rafe ran a hand through his hair, like he was trying to talk himself into believing this was real. âI had to stop by the gas station andââ
âRafe.â Your voice was soft but firm. You were looking him right in the eyes. âItâs okay.â
Rafe used to be able to read you with just a glance. But now? Now he couldnât read shit. And that scared him. A little panic crept inâwhat if you were already over this? What if you suddenly decided to call the whole thing off?
Not gonna lieâheâd drop to his knees and beg if thatâs what it took. He would. He wouldnât even hesitate. He wasnât curious about the life heâd missed, because he already knew it would hurt. Hearing it, knowing he hadnât been thereâit would wreck him.Â
But this was about Liliana.
They didnât even know each other yet, but Rafe already felt like she was part of him. And that was enough.
He couldnât fix the past. God, how he wished he could. But time didnât work like that. He couldnât rewind. So he wanted the rest of itâthe time still left.
He wanted that one shot to make up for everything he missed.
He didnât know if things would ever be right between you two. As co-parents, or... anything else. But with Liliana? He knew he could get it right.
More than thatâhe wanted to.
âIâm glad you came,â you said finally. âI told Liliana a bit, but⊠I donât know how sheâll react.â A small smile played on your lips.
And with those words, Rafe felt like he could breathe again. Knowing you hadnât given up, knowing there was still space for himâit gave him something solid to hold on to.
Maybe, if the roles were reversed, he wouldnât have been able to do the same. But you were doing it. And he knewâit wasnât for him.
It was for Liliana.
âI get it,â Rafe said. Just two words, but they scraped out of his throat like they weighed a ton. His voice carried all the uncertainty in him. All he had left was hope.
âYou look nervous,â you said, stepping back slightly until your back touched the door. You cleared your throat, eyes studying him. Rafe shifted when he felt your gaze sweep over him with something almost like concern.
âI am nervous. As fuck,â Rafe said, shaking his head slowly. His eyes dropped to the ground for a moment. He didnât want to lie or play it cool. He didnât want to lie to you. He was nervous. Scared. He didnât even know what the hell he was doing. He couldnât even control his damn breathing. But there was this tiny part of him that was... excited too.
While the anxiety was practically buzzing through his whole body, he heard your laugh. You licked your lips and looked slightly over your shoulder, as if checking for something even though there was nothing there.
âItâs gonna be okay,â you said in a calm, reassuring tone. Of course you didnât want both sides to be on edge for this first meeting. That would be a disaster.
âI hope so,â Rafe replied, his voice lower now. Even though you were trying to comfort him, it wasnât going to fix everything. Not today.
âYeah. Trust me,â you added. Your voice was soft, but there was something underneath it. Something you were trying to hold back.
Rafe hesitated to meet your eyes. Really, he did. Becauseâbecause it felt like you were looking at him with pity. And he couldnât handle that.Â
He couldnât look at you and see the disappointment heâd caused staring back at him.
The way he had always felt about youâhow deeply, how fucking clearlyâwas right there, in plain sight. And now?
Now it was hard to look at you without seeing what heâd broken.
He didnât want to do this.Â
Didnât want to look at you.
âWhere is she now?â Rafe asked abruptly, trying to shake off his nerves. He wanted things to move quickly. He just wanted to get rid of the anxiety and meet his daughter.
âSheâs inside.â You tilted your head, pointing behind the door.
Rafe hesitated. He almost didnât ask, but his mouth betrayed him. âWith him?â
You nodded. With a deep sigh, you looked away from him, turning your gaze toward the garden. âYeahâŠâ
Of course.
How the hell had this even started?
He held back from saying something heâd regret. You werenât his, and he had no right to say anything, butâthinking of his daughter clinging to JJâs legs and giggling with him stirred something ugly in his chest.
And alsoâseriously, what the hell? You and him? A kook and a pogue? Sure, that label had basically expired years ago, but stillâhow? You two were nothing alike. Different vibes, different scenes, different personalities. Everything. And now whatâliving in the same house? You, Liliana, and JJ?
It felt like a joke.
No, he wasnât going to say any of that out loud. He couldnât risk the chance you were giving himâbut really? Out of everyone in the goddamn world, you picked him?
Rafe tilted his head slightly. His brows furrowed but he quickly recovered. He avoided any expression that would give away how he felt, and kept his tone flatâbut his voice came out way too suggestive. âSoâYou and JJ, hmm?â
He cursed himself the second he heard his own tone. Clearing his throat, he adjusted his posture.
Your eyes flicked to him. You studied him for a beat, then pursed your lips. âMe and JJ what?â
No way your brain had turned to mush over the years. You were either playing dumb, or you were doing this on purposeâto mess with him.
Rafe cleared his throat again. He took a step back, glancing at the other car parked in the yardâprobably the one you both used. Then his eyes landed on the two surfboards propped by the door. The sight of JJ being that settled in made his stomach churn. His eyes met yours again, voice low. âI mean... I donât get it. When did it happen? How or whereâŠâ
Even just outside, there were traces of JJ everywhereâhe didnât want to imagine what the inside of the house looked like. Then again, heâd seen it listed as an Airbnb before, so maybe there wasnât much to see.
But what about your place in the city?
Were JJâs things on the coffee table? His jackets hanging by the door? Were there pictures of you, Liliana, and him smiling on the walls?
His brain needed to just stop.
This wasnât about you. Or JJ. It was about Liliana. And stillâÂ
Shit. Fuck this.
âRafe,â you said with a light laugh, but your tone hinted at warning. You shook your head. âNoââ
Rafe didnât let you finish. He cut you off fast. Unlike you, he wasnât laughing. He looked serious. âI mean if Liliana sees him as her dad, andââ
âWeâre not together,â you interrupted. Your voice was calm, but that alone eased something in Rafeâs chest.
He blinked. âWhat?â
You shrugged like it was no big deal. âWeâre not together. I donât have time to explain every second of it, but he helped me with everything. Still does.â
Rafeâs brows pulled together. He clearly couldnât wrap his head around it. Running a hand through his hair, he shut his eyes for a second. âI just... Iâm having a hard time understanding.â
âWeâre supporting each other, thatâs all,â you said simply.
Rafeâs voice came out almost bitter. âLike... fuck buddies?â
He hated himself for saying it. He shouldnât have said it. He wasnât here for this. How many times did he have to remind himself?
But damn itâhe is curious.
You scrunched your face. Your eyes darted away as you shifted your weight, moving away from the doorframe. âOh my God, Rafe, no.â
âI donât get it.â Rafe started, but couldnât finish. He cut himself off.
If it was nothingâthen why the hell is JJ still here?
You shook your head, your voice barely a whisper. âItâs not that complicated.â
âSo youâre single?â Rafe asked, trying to sound neutralâbut the unease in his voice gave him away. You looked at him. For a moment, Rafe was sure you were going to throw him out. That this was it. No more chance to meet Liliana. No second chance, period.
Nice going, Rafe Cameron. Canât even handle a five-minute doorstep conversation without fucking it up.
âRafe,â you warned.
Rafe quickly straightened up. His tone more explanatory now. âIt was just a question. I was curious.â
âDonât be.â You said it with tired finality.
âOkay.â Rafe nodded and stepped back slightly, taking a deep breath. âBy the wayâI talked to my dad.â
Your eyes locked on him. Your expression tightened. Brows rose. âYou did?â Your tone sounded almost surprised, like you hadnât really expected him to go through with it.
âI did. Didnât go great,â Rafe said with a small laugh, though it barely masked the sting. Honestly, it had gone to shit. He wasnât even planning to talk to his dad again for a while. âIfâlike, I donât know if itâll happen, but if he ever tries to contact you, can you let me know?â
âOf course,â you said without hesitation. Rafe didnât push it, but he still wanted to say it.
He took a deep breath. Talking about this stuff had always been hard, but with you, it still felt⊠easy. Like when you used to talk back then. When you were younger. âI told him not to. Just once in his life, I hope he actually listens.â
You were just about to speak, your mouth half-open, when the inner door creaked open and JJ stepped out. Quietly, but with a kind of weight to his presence. His eyes quickly scanned the both of you, then locked onto Rafeâs face. There was something sharp in his expressionâlike he was approaching prey, calm but deadly. You couldâve sworn he almost hated him.
He moved toward you, planting himself at your side with a protective air. Something flickered in Rafe at the sight. You folded your arms over your chest as the two locked eyesâneither of them even blinked.
JJ placed a possessive hand on your back and nodded at Rafe, then offered a hand. âHey.âÂ
His voice was clipped, hard. Rafe hadnât expected anything softer anyway. Rafeâs eyes dropped briefly to JJâs hand on your back, then met yours.Â
Againâhadnât you said there was nothing going on between you two?Â
Because this shit didnât look like nothing.
The way you leaned into his touchâfuck, it was so you and Rafe. Like five years ago. And seeing thatâRafe didnât even want to think about it.
Watching something heâd lostâsomething he thought was his onceânow standing right in front of him made his stomach twist. He was already on edge, and the sight of you two like that? It was the goddamn cherry on top.
âHi,â Rafe said shortly. He shook JJâs hand, not flinching even when the grip came in tighter than necessary. Theyâd never liked each other, and clearly, five years hadnât changed shit. Rafe still hated him.Â
Only now, he had a reason.Â
You.Â
You, standing too close to him. That was reason enough to hate the bastard.
âHow is she?â Rafe asked, voice low, glancing briefly at the door.
âSheâs waiting,â JJ said, eyes never leaving Rafeâs face. Like he was still evaluating if the guy could be trusted.
âSorry about the beach,â Rafe muttered, eyes on JJ. He wasnât really sorry about the attitudeâjust about the fact that it happened in front of Liliana. But seeing his daughter with *him*âÂ
Yeah, he hadnât expected that. Heâd made assumptions. All his assumptions had included you alone.Â
Just you and Liliana.Â
Not a single one of those imagined JJ Fucking Maybank in the picture. Not even once.
âSame,â JJ replied, shrugging. Tone flat, uninterested.Â
They were clearly tolerating each other just for Lilianaâs sake. That was all this was. Toleration. And even that felt like too much for them.
Rafe looked between the two of you. There was still something unspoken hanging in the air. A tension he couldnât place, but desperately wanted to understand.Â
But not now.Â
Now wasnât the time.Â
There was something more important at stake.
âOkay,â you finally said, breaking the tension. âIf youâre both readyââ
âOf course,â JJ and Rafe said at the same time.
Rafe watched you nod and head toward the door. JJ stepped aside, like he was silently telling Rafe to go in first.
When Rafe stepped inside behind you, Liliana was standing by the window in the corner of the living room. Sheâd dropped the toy book in her hand and was now staring at the door. Rafeâs entrance felt like it sucked all the air out of the room.Â
Heavy. Thick. Silent.
He isn't just nervous. He is scared.Â
Completely fucking terrified.
You and Rafe walked a few steps ahead while JJ came in behind and closed the door.
You looked at Liliana, then turned to Rafe, giving him a small nod.Â
âRafe, this is⊠Liliana.â
Rafe could hear the pounding of his own heart. The only other sound was the cartoon still playing faintly on the TV. He took a few steps in, but didnât get too close. His face was unreadable, carefully composed.Â
Was it the usual mask he wore with strangers?Â
Or was it exhaustionâleftover from everything that had happened with you?Â
Hard to tell.Â
But one thing was clear: he was trying hard to keep the fear down.
Liliana didnât flinch. Her eyes scanned Rafeâs face with sharp, almost adult-like attention.Â
He looked different than she expected.Â
Younger.Â
Maybe softer.Â
But there was something in his eyes⊠something guarded, watchful. Like yours.
And Godâshe looked just like you.Â
So much like you.Â
Just as beautiful.
âHi,â Rafe said, voice cracking slightly but controlled. âYou must be Liliana.â
He was about to fucking shit himself. Sheâs just a little girl. Calm the fuck down.
Liliana tilted her head slightly, eyes narrowing. âYouâre Rafe.â
A flicker of a smile tugged at Rafeâs lips. His heart somehow picked up speed.Â
She knew him. She knew his name.Â
That alone nearly knocked the breath out of him.
He nodded quickly, a little too eagerly. âYeah, Iâm Rafe.â
âMom told me about you,â Liliana said, her voice surprisingly calm. âIs it true you live in space? You fly from planet to planet?â
You cleared your throat, clearly trying to ease the tension. âLiliana, Rafe came here tonight to meet you. But if you donât feel comfortableââ
âNo,â Liliana said quickly. Her eyes stayed on Rafe. âI can meet him.â
Rafe didnât know what to feel about the things youâd told her. Explaining why a father wasnât around mustâve been hell.
He gave a small nod. âThank you.â
He wanted to hug her. God, he wanted to. But it was too soon.
Liliana was silent for a moment. Then, with the unfiltered bluntness only a child could have, she asked:Â
âAre you my dad?â
Rafe looked at you, waiting for confirmation.Â
Then his eyes flicked to JJ, who was standing right beside you. JJ took a long breath and looked away.
You gave Rafe a small nod, then turned back to Liliana, watching closely for her reaction.
âYes,â Rafe said simply.Â
It was short, but all those rehearsed lines heâd practiced in front of a mirror?Â
Gone.Â
All of it.Â
Justâgone.
Liliana shifted in place. Then she hopped forward and climbed onto the couch. Rafeâs mouth twitched at the corners as he watched her toss her baby hair back like it was nothing.
She really was his daughter.
"Okay..." Liliana spoke while swinging her legs off the edge of the couch. "Are you gonna go back to space again?"
Rafe shifted in his seat almost instantly. His throat went dry. His expression didnât change, but his eyes flicked over to you. He wanted to answerâbut he waited for your cue.
âLily,â Bella said gently, but with a warning tone. âWhat happened to being kind?â
âI was justââ Liliana shrugged, then turned back to Rafe. âAre you a liar?â
Rafe held her gaze and replied, âWellâlyingâs bad. And my mission in space is over. No more space.â
Liliana studied him for a moment in silence. Then she slid off the couch, picked her toy book off the floor, sat back on the edge of the cushion, and turned her face back to the window. âWeâll see,â she murmured. âWhat did you even go for in the first place?â
For the first time, Rafe swallowed hard. He felt like he was being put on trial for something long closed. But the kid was right⊠her eyes said more than her words ever could.
Why had he even left in the first place? Why the hell did he screw it all up?
âI donât even know,â he said quietly.
âThank God. Finally,â Cleo said with an exaggerated sigh.
There was nothing like seeing your best friend after days apart. You smiled wide, lifting your arms as you moved toward her.
Cleoâs eyes lit up. She pulled you into a hug, her hands rubbing your back supportively. Her arms were tight around you.
âGirl, do you even know how much I missed you?â
You pulled back and lowered your head slightly, smiling at her. Ever since Cleo and Pope got married, you hadnât had many chances to see her. Sure, you could have made time, but with everything going on with JJ, it all kind of fell apart.
âIâm sorry⊠I know.â
Cleo stepped back. Her gaze flicked to JJ for a split second, but she sighed and spoke to you instead. âI thought you went into hiding or something. You were completely off the radar.â
âI know,â you said with a soft laugh. âThe last few days⊠have been rough.â
Fighting was exhausting. Of course it was. You wished none of it had happenedâbut at the same time, maybe it was for the best. At least now, you both stopped pretending. You were actually talking to each other again.
âAnd thank God, because you look amazing right now,â Cleo said, touching your arm and winking. You rolled your eyes, about to respond, when Pope suddenly jumped in, practically speed-walking in with a plate that was clearly hot.
âHey!â he called out with a grin. He nearly ran. He set the plate on the table, then quickly pulled his hands back and blew on his fingertips.
âHi!,â you said, fighting a laugh at his expression.
Pope winked. Then he leaned down and kissed his wife on the cheekâand you couldnât help the tiny pang of envy that fluttered in your chest. When you heard Cleo giggle, you smiled too. Marriage really did suit them. âThanks for coming, both of you. We really missed you guys,â Pope said warmly, slipping an arm around Cleoâs waist.
You turned when you heard JJ chuckle. He was lounging comfortably on the couch, head turned toward your group, with a grin that wasnât exactly friendlyâmore like smug.
JJ raised an eyebrow. âSo what youâre saying is... youâre tired of spending time with your wife?â
You sighed. God, JJâŠ
âWhatâJJ! Thatâs not what I meant. Cleoâcome on, no!â Pope stammered, clearly panicking.
JJ just shrugged and laughed. Sarcastic as hellâbut also⊠familiar. You looked at him with a mix of amusement and disbelief.
Cleo rolled her eyes and leaned into Pope with a possessive smirk. As if to make a point, she kissed his cheek and said, âStop talking shit about my husband. Maybe start by looking in the mirror, tough guy.â
âGod, the two of you are unbearable now. You were way more tolerable when you were just dating,â JJ muttered as he pushed himself up from the couch and walked over.
You turned toward him, taking a deep breath as he stepped beside you. âEnough, JJ,â you said, smiling despite your warning tone.
JJ gave you an innocent smile. When his eyes locked with yours, he stepped a little closer. âWhat? I didnât even say anything,â he said with a shrug.
You rolled your eyes at him and looked away. He always had to be like thisâsarcastic, smug. But somehow⊠it was the exact kind of behavior youâd grown to love. âAnyway, did you turn on the channel Lily wanted?â
JJ nodded. âEven put her favorite snacks in front of her.â
âThank you,â you said quickly. You hadnât even askedâor thought to askâbut heâd already taken care of it. It warmed something in your chest. You didnât know how he could read you so well. Not just youâLiliana too.
Because whenever you needed something, JJ was there. He always had been. And just like heâd always been there for you, now he was there for Liliana too.
You were grateful. Youâd always be grateful. But even while you looked into his eyes, that gnawing guilt crept in. Because the way you felt about him⊠wasnât the way a friend was supposed to feel.
You werenât supposed to love your friend like this. You were supposed to love him like family, like someone you could count onânot like someone you wanted to spend the entire day wrapped up in.
You werenât supposed to forget all your problems when he held you. You werenât supposed to lose track of time, lose track of your own words, just watching him talk. You werenât supposed to wait at the door hoping heâd come back after every fight. Or look into his eyes and drift away in your thoughts like you were doing now.
âOf course,â JJ said, barely above a whisper. Even with your eyes locked on him, he didnât look away. You wondered what he was thinking. You wished you could read his mind. You wanted to talk about that nightâwhat it meant to him, why he really did itâŠ
The clatter of silverware hitting the table snapped you out of it like a jolt. You broke eye contact with JJ and turned forward, playing it off like nothing happened. After Pope placed the final fork, he and Cleo sat down across from you both. Soft smiles lingered on their faces.
The music playing in the background was light and lovely. You were all clearly happyâit wasnât hard to tell. You were with your friends, and this moment⊠it was one of those youâd probably look back on someday. One of a thousand little memories.
âBy the wayâthe food looks amazing. I seriously canât wait to dig in,â you said, picking up your fork. And you meant itâit really did look incredible.
Cleo let out a small squeal and covered part of her face with one hand. âStop! Youâre embarrassing me. I worked so hard on this.â
But then, you caught the look Pope gave her from beside herâone brow raised, his head turning slowly with a very smug grin. âI literally made everything. Cleo was watching reality show whole time.â
âWhat?! What a lie!â Cleo burst out laughing. She pouted and stabbed at her food with her fork, refusing to look at him.
Pope just shook his head with a chuckle, clearly accepting his fate.
I was actually enjoying being hereâat this time, in this place, with these people. Even if I tried not to look at the guy standing next to me, something inside me kept screaming look at him. Everything was because of him, wasnât it?
He gave you a life you couldnât have fought for, a friendship you didnât know you needed. You couldâve never imagined feeling this kind of peace. Even if you had tried, you wouldnât have found it. But stillâif they gave you the choice, youâd pick this again.
Sure, you had your share of shitty days. But stillâyeah, you wouldnât trade it.
"Whoever made thisâseriously, it tastes amazing. Iâm definitely finishing every plate," JJ said with a small smile. It was the first time since he walked into this house that he dropped his usual sarcasm and gave a real compliment.
Cleo narrowed her eyes at me. âYou couldnâtâve missed it that much. You literally just ate.â
I turned my head toward JJ after Cleoâs commentâhe suddenly couldnât swallow the bite in his mouth. He locked eyes with Cleo, forced himself to swallow, then took a sip of water. âWait, what do you mean?â I asked, turning to him.
Before JJ could even say a word, Cleo jumped in fast. She leaned forward. âWhat do you mean what do you mean? He stayed here. I cooked, so... duh.â She rolled her eyes at JJ for a second before turning her gaze back to me.
So... heâd been here. Here. For three days. At Cleo and Popeâs house.
Our friends house.
I turned fully to JJ. He had gotten comfortable, leaning in like he belonged there. You listened closely to his breathing.
âYou were here?â you asked him, disbelief in your voice.
You didnât know what to think. Youâ you thought he was staying at someone elseâs house. Someone else, likeâ maybe a womanâs. You didnât know, andâ
Fuck. Just stop.
JJ held his head high. âYeah.â His voice was steady. Not a trace of his usual smirk. In fact, he looked you straight in the eye like he wanted to prove something. Like, for a second, he forgot Cleo and Pope were even there.
âThree days?â The shock in your voice was obvious. He wasnât giving you what you wanted. You were hinting, subtly asking where heâd been, but he just casually answered. Didnât even try to meet you halfway. And all you really wanted was for him to say it out loud.
âYes,â JJ said again.
Before you even fully realized it, something inside you felt lighter. Like a cold rush washed over your body. Likeâ you felt relieved.
âOh⊠okay.â Thatâs all you said. Your eyebrows lifted, and you stared at the napkin in front of you. What you were feeling was definitely relief. He didnât owe you anything. He didnât have to tell you anythingâand he hadnât. But you had still wondered. God, you had wondered so damn much.
Just the thought of him touching someone else, sleeping in the same bed as another woman for three whole daysâ it ate you alive. You couldnât even exist inside your own home. Your thoughts were screaming to get out of your head.
You had even thought about cornering him and forcing the truth out of him. You were that angry. So pissed off at the idea that he could just come home from someone elseâs bed and kiss you like nothing happenedâ like it was no big deal.
Of course, you didnât say anything to him. Who were you, really? There was no you and him. You couldnât ask questionsâbut you couldnât silence your thoughts either.
And now, after all the days you spent seething with jealousy, the truth being the complete opposite left you feeling like a brand new fucking baby. Like your nerves had been surgically removed.
âWhat did you think?â JJâs voice was teasing. You blinked out of your thoughts and looked up at him. He was leaning on the chair with one arm, watching you with that half-smirk.
You hesitated for a second. You were about to shrug and change the subject, but suddenly you realized how stupid that would be. âWhen I said you might be staying at someone elseâs house⊠you didnât say no.â Your tone was sharper than you meant it to be. It almost sounded like you were accusing him. And JJâs lips curved into an even bigger smirk.
He reached up to scratch his cheek, trying to hide that dumb grin. As if he could. It was so obvious. So infuriating. JJ parted his lips and spoke clearly: âWhen you implied I was at another womanâs place. Letâs get that straight.â He reached for his water and took another sip.
You tried to ignore Cleo and Pope watching from across the table with wide, curious eyes. Especially Cleoâs. She looked like she was watching a rom-com play out live. You swallowed hard. Shook your head and shrugged. âWhat difference does it make? I asked, and you didnât say anything. So⊠I just assumed.â
You were almost stammering. Your voice sounded unsure, weak.
You felt cornered. Like this asshole was playing with you the way a cat plays with a mouse. Drawing it out on purpose, watching you squirm. And he was winning. You werenât ever going to say you were jealous. Even if he asked, you already knew the royal answer: Deny, deny, deny.
JJ leaned in closer. The smugness disappeared from his lips, replaced with something quieter, something more serious. âI wasnât focused on that at the time. It wasnât my priority.â His voice was calm now. He looked me right in the eyes. I couldnât look away. I didnât want to.
âHuh? What was your priority?â
The moment between you was shattered by Cleoâs excited voice. Her eyebrows were raised high. She was still eating from her plate like she was watching the best scene in a movie.
JJâs eyes lingered on you a moment longer before he finally turned to Cleo. He straightened up and leaned back into the chair again. Thank God. Because the second he got too close, you totally lost your balance.
âI wanted to fix things between us andââ
Cleo cut him off, fast. Her voice was protective, almost fierce.Â
âAnd hopefully to beg for forgiveness. Because when I kicked you out, I clearly told you thatâs exactly what you should do.â
You knew she loved both of you, but you liked that she was more protective of you when it came to JJ. Even after all these years, she kept reminding youâprobably for the millionth timeâthat your friendship wasnât just based on JJ.
âCleo,â Pope warned gently, nudging his wifeâs arm.
Cleo shrugged. âWhat? If you had pulled that shit, itâd take me years to forgive you. Honestly, the fact that theyâre even sitting next to each other right now? Thatâs a damn miracle.â
Sure, it wouldnât be fair to erase everything that happened over the years just like that. But stillâyou both knew who had really messed up. And because you understood why it happened, you weren't going to drag it out. If it were you, if you had to lose both JJ and Liliana at once? Youâd lose your mind too.
âBut theyâre not us,â Pope said softly.
Cleo rolled her eyes. âWhatâs the difference, really?â she replied, stubborn but affectionate.
âWeâre married. And theyâre like... roommates. Or best friends. Or whatever,â Pope said.
Wow. That was your definition of it? Justâwow. Your lips curved despite yourself. Roommates or best friends. That was so you and JJ. Nailed it. And yet, hearing it said out loudâŠ
âSure,â Cleo said with a smileâbut there was something else underneath her voice. Then she added, lowering her tone but keeping the sarcasm,Â
âI donât remember us ever making out when we were just friendsââ
Pope panicked. His voice jumped an octave. âCake! Thereâs cake in the oven!â
You sighed. âOh my GodâŠâ
So JJ had told them everything, huh? When your eyes flicked over to him, his brows were raised, mouth slightly open. Even he hadnât seen that one coming. When he turned to you, maybe about to explain, you quickly looked away and took a deep breath.
âLily met Rafe today,â you blurted out. No thought behind it. You hadnât even talked about the kiss yourselves yet. And this was definitely not the time or the place. You couldâve told them, eventually. But maybe after talking it through with JJ first. Whateverâfuck it.
Cleo whipped around to you, totally caught off guard. She gave you her full attention, like sheâd instantly forgotten whatever she'd just said.Â
âSorry, what?â
You nodded, kind of grateful the tension had shifted elsewhere.Â
âYeah. They met. It was a decision JJ and I made. And... it was fine.â You glanced over at him as you said it. You were thankful for this little detour in the conversation.
âYeah. But she still loves me more,â JJ chimed in, wearing that familiar grin. He still looked a little tenseâhis body gave it awayâas he hesitated, eyes on you.
âSheâll always love you more. Youâve been in her life for five years.âÂ
You looked at him. The idea that Lily might love JJ less was absurd. His place in her heart was solid.
JJ tilted his head, a soft smile tugging at his lips. The tension that had been building between you seemed to melt away with that one innocent statement. No matter what happened, you never doubted JJâs love for Liliana.
You nodded, a strange peace settling inside you.Â
âOf course.â
And once again, the moment between you was interrupted by Cleo.Â
âThatâs so wifey and hubby thingââ
Your eyes widened. And clearly, you werenât the only one reacting. Pope jumped up from his seat like a switch had been flipped. His voice was firm, almost like he wanted to physically cover her mouth.Â
âCleo. Can you help me take the cake out?â
Cleo just shrugged. She still looked like she wanted to stay and watch whatever this was unfolding in front of her.Â
âYou do know you can handle that on your own, babeââ
That was cute. But still, when she said stuff like that, you couldnât help blushing.
Pope tried again, more politely.Â
âPlease.âÂ
Cleo sighed. âOkay.â
As the two of them left the room, a weird panic settled in your chest. You were alone at the table now. Part of you wanted to thank Pope, and the other part wanted to drag him back by the collar. You had no idea what to do. You were just... anxious. And he was still looking at you.
JJ was the first to speak, his eyes still on you.Â
âWe didnât really get to talk today.â
That was a lie. Youâd talked a lot. Just⊠not about each other. But even soâwhat else was left to say?
About what? The fact that heâd been staying at Cleo and Popeâs for days? The kiss? Rafe?
You just nodded, silently agreeing. Was it always going to be this hard? You saw this man every day, and still the tension between you was unbearable.
JJ paused, then said, âSorry about Cleo. You know how she is.â
You smiled and nodded quickly. After five years, you were more than used to her.Â
âOhâI know.â
She was blunt, and you didnât mind it. She was your best friend. And even if she said things a bit too directly sometimes, you loved her for it. Sheâd also brought one of your lingering doubts into the open todayâand helped ease it.
Alsoâshe wasnât exactly subtle about her little hints about the two of you. Not that you hadnât noticed.
JJ spoke hesitantly, his voice low.Â
âAnd Iâm sorry for telling them about the kiss too. I was... at my lowest, and you know how every time I try to fix things, I just fuck everything up.âÂ
His hand slipped through his hair, eyes falling to the floor.Â
âI couldnât think straight. I asked them for advice instead.â
He wasnât even looking at you.Â
You shook your head quickly. You didnât want to stay mad at him anymore. You didnât want to lose what you had.Â
So you acted fast.Â
âOkay.â
It really wasnât the worst thing in the world.
JJ kept going like he hadnât even heard you. His eyes stayed down, fingers fidgeting anxiously. He looked like he was barely holding it together.Â
âThatâs why it all just spilled out. I didnât mean to say anything. I swear, I wouldnât have told anyone.â
âI know,â you said quietly.Â
You knew JJ.Â
If there was any malice in him, he wouldâve shown it years ago.
Wasnât he the one who drove two hours just to be there when you had a miscarriage scare?Â
The one who stayed with you so you wouldnât be alone?Â
The one who cheered you up on the beach when Rafe didnât want Liliana?Â
The one who reminded you your body is yours, and no one else gets to claim it?
Yeah.Â
That was JJ. He was always behind you. Beside you. Never against you. You couldnât imagine him doing anything to intentionally hurt you. Just like you knew you couldnât ever do that to him either. âItâs just⊠we havenât even talked about what happened andââ
JJ cut you off before you could finish. His hands went up like he was surrendering, eyes shutting tight like he couldnât handle the weight of it. âI know⊠We can talk when we get home, or whenever youâre ready. Iâm sorry.âÂ
He dipped his head. One hand rubbed at his forehead, still not looking at youâjust sitting there, fully accepting heâd messed up.
Your gaze flicked toward the hallway where Cleo and Pope had disappeared. It was quiet. From the look of the empty room, you could tell no one was around.
Honestly, you were glad they left you two alone for a bit. And Pope trying to awkwardly save the moment was kind of funny.Â
Still⊠it was a little embarrassing how all this was playing out right in front of them.
You whipped your head toward JJ like lightning. Your lips moved before you could even think. A small, crooked smile tugged at the corner. âThey wonât be back for a while⊠you know.âÂ
There was no one around, but you still kept your voice low, like it was meant just for him.JJ dropped his hand from his forehead and slowly raised his head. His eyes widened.Â
He glanced at the door Cleo and Pope had walked through, mouth opening, closing, then opening again.Â
He sat up straighter, staring at you like what youâd just said was the weirdest thing in the world.Â
âNowâyou wanna talk about it now?âÂ
JJ nearly stammered, but reeled it in last second, clearing his throat. You shrugged. You were fighting not to look at his lips, not to let your brain wander. But they looked⊠distracting.Â
Your mind driftedâbrieflyâback to that kiss, and you caught yourself. Your eyes were already halfway there.Â
âI mean⊠only if you want to.â You turned your head to the side. Looking at him was getting harder by the second.
JJ nodded, barely breathing. âYeah. Sure.â
An awkward silence settled between you. Neither of you knew who should start. You didnât have much to explain, really. He kissed you.Â
But⊠you kissed him back.Â
If you didnât want it, you couldâve pushed him away, slapped him even. But all you wanted was to pull him closer and kiss him again.Still, a part of you was terrified he regretted it.Â
Knowing he might feel that wayâit scared the hell out of you. But even more than that, the idea that it could ruin what you hadâthat it could wreck your friendshipâwas worse.Â
Even if you were the only one feeling this way, there was still a little girl to think about. If JJ left⊠how the hell would you explain it to her?Â
How would you survive missing him?The words were stuck in your throat, fighting each other like a storm. You wanted to talk. You really did.Â
But right now, right in this moment, the idea of being with him was both the thing you wanted most⊠and the thing you feared the most.
Because if he didnât want you back, It would be the end of a years-long friendship.Â
Maybe youâd never fix it again. Feelings always had a way of screwing everything up.
Finally, JJ broke the silence. He straightened up, like heâd decided to just say it. âI felt like that in the moment. I just wanted the fighting to stop, and I wouldnât normally do something like that but⊠everything was a mess. We were both pissed, and I kissed you without thinking. And Iâm sorry for that. It justââ
He didnât think you regretted it, did he? Because you didnât. Not even close. Youâd do it again right now if you could.
You didnât even know what happened. Your mouth opened and the words flew out before your brain could stop them. âI kissed you back.â
JJ froze. His mouth stopped moving. âWhat?â
âIf I didnât want to keep going⊠I wouldâve pushed you away.â You wouldâve. You wouldnât have let him stay near you for another second. But those stupid, intense feelings got the better of you. You couldnât even think straight around him.Â
Especially when he was close.
The shock was written all over JJâs face. âWhat do you mean?â
This time, you spoke more gently. You couldnât tell him the real reason you didnât stop him. Not while he still saw you as just a friend.âWe werenât in a good place. Emotionally, I mean. We were both angry, andâlook, you havenât been with anyone in almost a year, and I havenât⊠not since Liliana was born.â
JJ jumped in fast, nervous. âI havenât touched anyone either. I meanâweâre in the same boat.â
The confession had been sitting on your chest the whole time. He always came back late from dates. So you just assumedâlike, really, you just assumed.Â
You never actually asked, but stillâŠÂ
Had there really never been anyone? Why not?Â
Anyone else in his position wouldâve slept with a dozen girls by now, maybe had a string of flings.Â
Especially with JJâconsidering his status on the islandâyou figured once he went to the mainland, his options would multiply.Â
But hearing the opposite? That was⊠kind of flattering? Maybe. You werenât sure. But God, it made you happy. How could it not?Â
Knowing there hadnât been someone elseâthat was oddly satisfying.
Your lips tugged up for a second before you caught yourself and shook your head. âOhâso it was like, a dry spell thing? I donât know. Maybe it was just something we *both* needed in the moment and⊠it kinda just happened.âÂ
You kept your voice low. You had no idea what you were even trying to say, especially after that confession. Honestly, all you wanted to do was pull him in and kiss him again.
JJ let out a crooked grin. âSo basically, I helped... defuse the situation. That what you're saying?â
Your eyebrows lifted. A small chuckle slipped out as you leaned back. âSo whatâyouâre saying we should do it every time we fight?âÂ
You joked, watching the way his expression instantly panickedâpure delight lit up inside you.
JJ squirmed in his seat, throwing his hands up like he was ready to defend himself. âNoâlikeâI meanâthatâs not what I meant, butââ
You couldnât help it. You burst into laughter. The way he freaked outâit was⊠adorable. Genuinely adorable. After a beat, you cut him off, pretending to be serious.âIâm messing with you.âYou played with your toneâhalf teasing, half gentle.Â
He watched your reaction, relief spreading across his face with a hint of surprise. But you didnât stop.Â
This time, your voice came out more serious. Or at least, trying to sound serious. Even you couldnât tell anymore. âBut I mean⊠if youâre offeringââ
His surprise melted into something giddy. JJ caught your bluff immediately. He leaned in, eyes lighting up with excitement. âYeah. Yeah, I meanâwe could try it again sometime. Donât know if weâll fight again, butâŠâ
You nodded, smiling. You liked this game you were playing with him. Especially watching him stumble over his words and avoid eye contact like thatâ âYeah, maybe⊠if we do.â You gave him your approval with a grin that was hard to contain.
âYeah⊠maybe.â JJ ran a hand through his hair, pausing for a second before locking eyes with you. âIt was nice, by the way.â
You froze. You stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if heâd actually said that. Once you realized he meant it, you spoke.
âReally?â
JJ nodded, dead serious. âWouldnât have guessed you hadnât had any practice in five years. Felt pretty damn natural.â
You noticed the smileâsubtle, almost too subtleâbut it was there. Just like the way his gaze kept flicking to your lips⊠and then slightly lower. You noticed. Oh, you definitely noticed.Â
Because you were doing the exact same thing.You really wanted to see where this was going. Hell, you even wondered if heâd kiss you again tonight.Â
Even if it was just a thoughtâone you knew probably wouldnât become real.
âOh, stop.â You turned your head, trying to hide the shy smile spreading across your face.
JJ reached over and tapped your knee for attention, laughing. âIâm serious! I felt like a total amateur and you were like, a fucking pro.âÂ
He exaggerated with his hands and expressions, and you had to fight the urge to roll your eyes.
He couldnât say shit like that. He justâhe shouldnât.
You turned toward him, looking him dead in the face. âWhat a big liar.â
JJ raised his brows. âWhat? I swear, itâs true!â
Before you knew what was happening, your chair shifted. JJ had grabbed it from underneath and pulled you closer. He was nearer now. His eyes locked on yours, one arm casually resting over the back of your chair like he wasnât doing the most right now.
But you could see itâthe mischief in his eyes.
He seriously needed to calm down. Because you were starting to get the wrong idea.
The second he leaned in slightly, you snapped out of it. You caught how his eyes briefly dipped to your smile. It was quick, but you saw it.Â
You pressed your hand to his chest and turned your head away. âStop.â
JJ shook his head, fidgeting like he was trying to get your attention again. âNo. Youâre just naturally talented.â Even though you thought he was just joking, something about his tone⊠made it hard to tell.Â
It was messing with your head. Actuallyâit was starting to make you question everything.
This time, your eyes dropped to the floor.Were you blushing? Maybe. But the way your stomach fluttered? That was the real giveaway. Thank God he couldnât see that.
âI donât believe you.â You still hadnât looked back at him.Â
You shook your head, smiling to yourself. But his eyesâyeah, they were still on you. And he wasnât done messing around.
âWant me to prove it?â JJ took the hand that was resting on his chest and wrapped his fingers around yours, gently pulling free.
Your eyes shot to him instantly. He grinned, clearly proud of himself.Â
Of course he was.Â
He was trying to get you to look at him.
Your mouth parted slightlyâlike you were about to say somethingâbut you stopped yourself.Â
He was just playing. Just a game.
Fine.Â
If itâs a game, then let it be a game. If he thought you were gonna just sit there and melt, he had another thing coming.
You turned toward him fully, matching his energy. âOh, you wanna prove it?â There was a smirk on your lips nowâteasing, sharp.Â
He noticed. You saw that familiar spark in his eyes flicker alive again. He licked his lips. âOnly if you want me to.â The softness in his words⊠the tone of his voiceâÂ
You couldnât tell if he was still playing or if heâd just crossed some invisible line.
But for a moment, you were filled with anger. The way he was treating it like a gameâit pissed you off. But you bit your tongue not to show it.Â
âYou wanna kiss me?â The words came out teasing, but your eyes had narrowed. You didnât regret it for a second. If he was gonna play games, then fineâyouâd play harder. You wanted to push his limits. Still, your heart skipped a beat with every word.
JJ let out a soft laugh, part breath, part amusement. He leaned back a little and adjusted himself in the chair. âAlways so straightforward, huh?â He shook his head, and you had to stop yourself from smiling at that damn grin of his. The moment you noticed his eyes sweeping over you, you straightened up.
He tilted his head and kept his eyes on you.
You leaned in slightly. âWould you have preferred I dragged it out and acted like an idiot instead?â
âMaybe.â He shrugged. That classic Maybank smirk on his face. The one that hadnât changed in years. The one that usually got to you.
You laughed. âAre you flirting with me, Maybank?â The question was clear, but the subtext was even louder. And when you looked into his eyesâyou could see it. He was having fun.
You leaned back, resting against your chair. âWould you want me to?â JJ asked. He reached behind you, his fingers playing with the ends of your hair. His eyes flicked from your face to your hair as he twirled a strand between his fingers.
âSo Iâm the only one on this island you havenât flirted with yet, huh?â You pulled your hair forward, away from his hand. When you did, you caught that tired smile on his lips. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand.
He squinted, pretending to think. âYou and maybe a couple others,â he said, like he was trying to get under your skin. His voice had a playful, taunting edge to it.
His handâstill behind youâslid to your shoulder. He started tracing small circles there, and a chill ran down your spine. The air wasnât cold. It was actually a nice evening. But his touch? It messed with your head. It burned and tingled all at once.
You tried to act like it didnât affect you, but your sharp inhale gave you away. You looked him in the eye. JJ was already looking at you.
âWhatâs all this about?â you asked, eyes narrowed. âFigured youâd check me off the list while youâre back on the island?â
JJ laughed. That stupid grin againâit was seriously getting on your nerves. You were getting more and more pissed andâ
Wait.
You were jealous, werenât you?
âIf Iâd wanted to, I wouldâve done it five years ago,â he said. âOnly one I see is you.â
His wordsâcombined with that little realizationâthrew you off for a second. He was just playing. Thatâs all this was. His usual game. Nothing new.
You sighed and turned your head away. This boy was exhausting.
When you looked away, JJ let out a breath of his own. âSoo⊠a kiss?â His tone was playful, as always. But underneath itâthere was something else. Hope.
You turned to him, that teasing smirk on your face. âIn your dreams.â You leaned in slightly when you said it, laughing. You may have wanted it, deep down, but he was still just playing.
âYeahâ I hope so.â He nodded, and you could almost see him replaying that sentence a thousand times in his head.
You were about to say something else when a voice cut in.
âWeâre back,â Cleo announced, holding a plate stacked with slices of cake.
The second JJ heard her, he shot up like heâd been caught. You, Pope, and Cleo stared at him, confused. âNope. I think we should go home,â he said, his voice bouncing between a joke and actual intention.
You exhaled hard when it clicked what he was trying to do. You grabbed his arm. Met his eyes. âJJ. Sit down.â
JJ looked from Pope to you. There was a tiny pause. âYes, maâam,â he said, sitting back down immediately. That sly grin was back. You couldâve punched him.
Pope furrowed his brows, glancing between you and JJ, clearly lost. âWhat the hell just happened?â
JJ turned to you, about to explain. âWell, we were kindaââ
âTalking about nothing,â you cut in quickly. You knew damn well he was doing this on purpose.
JJ chuckled. His eyebrows raised, eyes scanning your face. âIs that what we were doing?â
âShut up,â you snapped without missing a beat. You sighed, biting your lip. This boy was never gonna change.
âWhat the hellâs going on here?â Cleo asked, setting the plate on the table and plopping down in the chair across from you two.
You glanced at JJ. Took a quick second to assess him before speaking. âHeâs getting cocky âcause we made up.â
âAnd she likes it,â JJ said, nodding proudly, like it was some kind of win.
You rolled your eyes, grinning despite yourself. âYeah, sure I do.â
The house was almost holding its breath when you got back. A heavy silence settled over everything â a strange mix of calm and tension woven into the night. As you took off your shoes in the dim living room light, the only sounds were the faint, rhythmic breaths from somewhere deeper inside. Lily was already asleep.
You glanced over at JJ, who was slowly making his way down the stairs. You rested your elbow on the armrest, hand propped under your chin. His shirt was wrinkled, and his eyes were a little red from exhaustion.Â
âShe asleep?â you asked in a low voice. No matter what, you didnât want Liliana to wake up.
JJ tilted his head slightly, a soft, tired smile playing on his lips. When he reached the bottom step, he stretched slowly and nodded.Â
âOut like a light. Didnât even need a bedtime story,â he murmured back, his voice just as quiet as yours.
Your eyebrows lifted a little, lips parting in a faint smile.Â
âJohn B and Sarah mustâve worn her out.â
JJ gave a lazy shrug, but his eyes still held that sleepy warmth.Â
âProbably.â
As he walked toward you, his eyes flicked briefly to the TV. You followed his gaze â the screen was still on, playing something low in the background. Youâd turned it on when you got back, but you hadnât really been paying attention. When you looked back, his gaze had returned to you â focused, closer now.
His eyes slowly scanned your face like he was trying to figure something out. Really looking. You could feel it â his eyes taking in every detail: your eyes, your hair, your lips.Â
âDid you do something?â he asked, tone slightly suspicious, like he was trying to catch something he couldnât quite name.
Your brows lifted slowly. Your hand instinctively went to your hair, wondering if something was on your face.Â
âWhat do you mean?â you asked, brushing your cheek like you were checking for smudges or crumbs.
âYou look really good.â
Your hand dropped, eyes widening. Your heartbeat picked up, thudding in your chest like it suddenly forgot how to keep a rhythm.
You tried to remember if heâd ever said things like that before. Compliments like this⊠Did he usually do that? You werenât even sure if you had noticed. But now it felt like it was too much.
Not too much in a bad way. More like⊠it made you aware. And you knew you hadnât felt this way before â at least, not like this. But lately, it was like every sentence out of his mouth made your heart skip.
You tilted your head down slightly, catching yourself before it turned into full-blown shyness. You squared your shoulders and tried to steady your face.Â
âNo,â you said, voice soft but steady. âActually⊠Iâd say Iâm just tired.â
JJ smirked faintly, his eyes still exploring your expression. For a second, he paused like he could see you were trying to hide something. Then his head tilted slightly, a familiar gleam in his eyes.Â
âYou always look good,â he said. âI just said it weird.â
You looked away for a second, then let out a small, genuine smile.Â
âThanks,â you murmured, a blush creeping up your cheeks. You could feel the heat spreading fast. Your eyes dropped to the floor, but no matter where you looked, your thoughts werenât letting go. So you lifted your head again, lips parting with a quiet sigh.Â
âSo⊠whatâs your deal?â
JJâs gaze met yours. His brows lifted with curiosity.Â
âWhat do you mean?â
âThis whole flirting thingâŠâ you said, drawing vague circles in the air with your hands. The sentence carried all your confusion with it. JJâs eyes sparkled slightly, and yours drifted from his lips to his eyes.
âFlirting?â he echoed, the corner of his mouth curling into a smirk. âThis is just me being me.â
You tilted your head, narrowing your eyes like you were trying to solve a puzzle. For a second, you wondered if you were the one overthinking it â but you shut that thought down fast.Â
âAs far as I remember,â you said, voice half-teasing but sincere, âyou havenât offered to kiss me even once in the past five years.â
JJ let out a laugh, leaning slightly toward you with a playful glint in his eye.Â
âDid I not?â he said, clearly entertained. âDamn shame.â
âJJâŠâ you said, his name coming out like a warning â soft, but full of meaning.
You hated that a part of you felt hopeful when he acted like this. Hated it.
He sighed, raising his hands like he was defending himself.Â
âLookâ Iâm just trying to keep the peace, alright? Maybe Iâm being a little shit about it, but thatâs all it is. If itâs not working for youââ
âNo!â you said quickly, cutting him off without even thinking. âI didnât say that.âÂ
Your words came out rushed, breath uneven. You regretted it instantly, but it was too late â that smirk was already creeping onto JJâs face.
He locked eyes with you, balancing on that line between serious and teasing.Â
âSo you do like it?â
You opened your mouth, but no words came out. Your lips moved, but your voice got caught somewhere in your throat. And then he moved â slowly circling the couch, eyes never leaving yours. His steps were steady, deliberate. When he sat down beside you, his knees brushed yours. He was close.
He grinned like he was swallowing a laugh.Â
âDidnât know you were such a dirty girl, sweetheart.â
Your eyebrows shot up. That kind of comment definitely threw you off.Â
âStop,â you said, frowning â but you couldnât stop the smile tugging at your lips.
âWhat? I didnât even do anything,â JJ said, shrugging. His expression, though, said otherwise.
âYouâre just⊠so fucking annoying sometimes.âÂ
Your voice was laced with sarcasm, but your heart was pounding like hell.
JJ narrowed his eyes, studying you. âYeah? You look pissed,â he said, his voice softening, like he was trying to read you.
You leaned forward on the couch, closing the distance between you two until there was barely a breath between your faces. âDoes that turn you on?â you asked, locking your eyes with his.
JJâs eyes widened. His eyebrows shot up and he leaned back slightly. âWhat?â
âWhat do you mean âwhatâ? Surprised now that Iâm speaking your language?â you teased, letting out a laugh that was part amused, part nervous. Your heart was pounding, but this gameâbeing this close to himâwas both terrifying and addictive.
âI just⊠wasnât expecting that,â JJ said, tossing his hair back. His hand slid through it as he tilted his head to the side.
You raised your brows and stepped in closer. âYeah? So you prefer me pissed off all the time, orââ
JJ laughed, throwing his hands up. âWoah! Okay! Calm down.â
You giggled too, tilting your head and winking. âOr maybe you'd rather practice like you said before?â
Silence fell. The air between you buzzed with something heavy. JJ didnât say a word. He just kept staring, studying your face like it held some answer. Whatever this was, it made you shift uncomfortably. He didnât look away.
You spoke softly, your eyes scanning him. âCat got your tongue now? You suddenly got real quiet.â
JJ pursed his lips and looked away with a slight scowl. âStop playing.â
You shrugged with a faint smirk. You kind of liked getting under his skin. âWhatever you want.â Another beat of silence passed before you changed the subject, more gently this time. âWere you happy today? With the whole Rafe thing and, you knowâŠâ
JJ turned his head toward you slowly and took a deep breath, like your question was heavier than it sounded. He took his time before answering, eyes steady on yours. âLiliana welcomed me. That made me happy.â His voice dropped lower, almost to a whisper, and he looked down at his hands. âShe still loves me more.â Just like he said at Popeâs house⊠but this time, it felt like he was saying it to himself, not to you.
âJJâŠâ you said softly, placing a hand on his chest to bring his attention back.
It worked. JJ looked up with a quiet âHmm?â and when his eyes met yours, he looked⊠innocent. Like a kid.
âSheâll always love you first,â you said, without a hint of doubt in your voice. Maybe saying that would hurt Rafe if he ever heard itâbut you werenât going to lie. Not about this.
The hardness in JJâs face slowly melted. His lips relaxed. âShe will, wonât she?â he asked, voice barely holding steady. You knew he questioned it. But no matter what, JJ would always be in Lilianaâs lifeâas long as he wanted to be.
You moved your hand from his chest to his cheek, brushing his skin gently with your thumb. âOf course. No one can change that.â
JJ leaned into your touch, shifting slightly closer. âI just⊠panicked, you know?â
You nodded. âI know,â you said, voice low and warm.
JJ parted his lips like he was about to say something, then stopped. He closed his eyes, pressing his cheek into your hand, and let the words spill out. âYou and Liliana⊠youâre my family.â
Something fluttered in your chest. Those words hit deep. You couldnât lose him. And just like you couldnât lose him, you wouldnât let him lose you two either. No way. âThereâs no other way to see it. You are my family. And I know Liliana feels the same.â
JJ leaned in, guilt and longing flickering in his eyes. âI still feel like I owe you.â
You exhaled deeply. As much as this whole thing still hurt, knowing he was hurting more changed something in you. âIt was just a misunderstanding,â you said, not letting him go further. It was done. Youâd closed that chapter. You didnât want to think about those days anymore.
But JJ wasnât done. âI left Liliana. I left you andââ
You gripped his cheek firmly and lifted his lowered head. You hated seeing him like that, hunched over in regret. It was just a mistake. And thatâs all it would ever be. You werenât going to revisit it again. âJJ. Itâs over. We talked about it. We understood each other. Thatâs enough. Thatâs what matters.â
JJ closed his eyes, then opened them again. âIâll never do that again.â His gaze was heavy, like he was begging you to believe him. Almost desperate.
You smiled at him. You wanted to shift the mood, bring back some lightness. You couldnât stand seeing him so downâand never would. No matter what darkness followed him, youâd fight it. âAs if Iâd let you,â you said, moving in a little closer.
JJ chuckled, lips curving. âGod bless that kiss.â
You rolled your eyes. âOh Jesus.â You were about to run your hand through his hair when JJ reached up and held your hand to his cheek, pressing a soft kiss into your palm. Your heart skipped a beat. A warm rush spread through your chest.
âWhat, am I wrong?â he murmured casually.
You stammered. âNo. No⊠Iâm thankful for that kiss too.â
Honestly? Your brain was fried. No, really. You werenât okayâand you probably wouldnât be for a while. You couldnât even remember what youâd said a second ago.
âRight?â
âYeahâŠâ you breathed out, barely audible. You didnât even know what you were agreeing to anymore. All you knew wasâyou were close. Too close. And this closeness⊠it was dizzying. Your breath caught as your eyes wandered over his face. God, you hated him. So much.
Then your eyes met again. Silence. Heavy and thick.
JJâs voice came out like a whisper. âAre you thinking about kissing me?â
His voice snapped you out of it. You shook your head quickly, eyes wide. âOh my god, JJâŠâ you said, yanking your hand away. You shifted awkwardly on the couch, leaning back like that would give you space. Your eyes were still wide.
JJ tilted his head, that smug smirk back on his lips. âWhat? You were staring at my mouth. Are you a perv?â
You had been. Without even realizing it. And now you hated yourself for letting him affect you that much. But you were still thinking about it. That moment he kissed your palm.
âI wasnâtâ Fuck offâŠâ you said, flustered. Your voice shook, but not from angerâbecause he caught you.
MASTERLIST -`âźÂŽ- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank
Summary: Kook!Readerâs world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely personâJJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.
Warnings: nothing
previous - next
When Rafe parked his car in front of your house, his hands froze on the steering wheel. Thoughts were spiraling in his head, but he couldnât seem to grab hold of any of them. He was tense. Anger, uncertainty, curiosityâand just a flicker of hope. All of it was screaming at him, like a chorus of emotions refusing to shut the hell up.
Heâd been thinking about this day for weeks. He had gone over every possible move, replayed this moment in his mind a million times. He wanted to look better than his best. Even if he didnât say the words out loud, he wanted to be someone worthy of Liliana.
Someone who deserved to be her father.
And when the door opened, it was you standing there. Just a plain grey T-shirt on, messy hair, eyes tired and unreadable. You leaned against the doorframe, looking straight at him sitting in the car.
For a second, Rafe felt like he was thrown into the past. He still wasnât used to being near you. Hell, he had forgotten how to breathe when you texted him. And nowânow you were right there, just a few steps away on the damn porch.
For a heartbeat, just one, Rafe imagined you running to him as soon as he got out of the car. Just like old times.
Youâd plant a kiss on his cheek, jump into his arms, laugh and say how excited you were to see him again, making him laugh too.
But those days were gone. You werenât going to run into his arms, and he wasnât going to kiss you like before. This wasnât five years ago. You were who you are now. And heâhe was whatever was left of himself after you. Half of what he used to be.
Still, Rafe stepped out of the car, his daydream fading. Just walking toward you felt like the universe was cutting him some slack for once. He took a deep breath, tryingâand failingâto shake the tension in his chest.
âHey. Youâre here,â you said, not taking your eyes off him.
âYeah,â Rafe nodded slightly. âSorry Iâm a bit late.â
He didnât mean to be. He had nearly lost it back at home, overwhelmed by nerves. He hadn't even realized how much time had passed.
âItâs fine,â you said automatically, brushing off your hand and giving a little shrug.
Rafe ran a hand through his hair, like he was trying to talk himself into believing this was real. âI had to stop by the gas station andââ
âRafe.â Your voice was soft but firm. You were looking him right in the eyes. âItâs okay.â
Rafe used to be able to read you with just a glance. But now? Now he couldnât read shit. And that scared him. A little panic crept inâwhat if you were already over this? What if you suddenly decided to call the whole thing off?
Not gonna lieâheâd drop to his knees and beg if thatâs what it took. He would. He wouldnât even hesitate. He wasnât curious about the life heâd missed, because he already knew it would hurt. Hearing it, knowing he hadnât been thereâit would wreck him.Â
But this was about Liliana.
They didnât even know each other yet, but Rafe already felt like she was part of him. And that was enough.
He couldnât fix the past. God, how he wished he could. But time didnât work like that. He couldnât rewind. So he wanted the rest of itâthe time still left.
He wanted that one shot to make up for everything he missed.
He didnât know if things would ever be right between you two. As co-parents, or... anything else. But with Liliana? He knew he could get it right.
More than thatâhe wanted to.
âIâm glad you came,â you said finally. âI told Liliana a bit, but⊠I donât know how sheâll react.â A small smile played on your lips.
And with those words, Rafe felt like he could breathe again. Knowing you hadnât given up, knowing there was still space for himâit gave him something solid to hold on to.
Maybe, if the roles were reversed, he wouldnât have been able to do the same. But you were doing it. And he knewâit wasnât for him.
It was for Liliana.
âI get it,â Rafe said. Just two words, but they scraped out of his throat like they weighed a ton. His voice carried all the uncertainty in him. All he had left was hope.
âYou look nervous,â you said, stepping back slightly until your back touched the door. You cleared your throat, eyes studying him. Rafe shifted when he felt your gaze sweep over him with something almost like concern.
âI am nervous. As fuck,â Rafe said, shaking his head slowly. His eyes dropped to the ground for a moment. He didnât want to lie or play it cool. He didnât want to lie to you. He was nervous. Scared. He didnât even know what the hell he was doing. He couldnât even control his damn breathing. But there was this tiny part of him that was... excited too.
While the anxiety was practically buzzing through his whole body, he heard your laugh. You licked your lips and looked slightly over your shoulder, as if checking for something even though there was nothing there.
âItâs gonna be okay,â you said in a calm, reassuring tone. Of course you didnât want both sides to be on edge for this first meeting. That would be a disaster.
âI hope so,â Rafe replied, his voice lower now. Even though you were trying to comfort him, it wasnât going to fix everything. Not today.
âYeah. Trust me,â you added. Your voice was soft, but there was something underneath it. Something you were trying to hold back.
Rafe hesitated to meet your eyes. Really, he did. Becauseâbecause it felt like you were looking at him with pity. And he couldnât handle that.Â
He couldnât look at you and see the disappointment heâd caused staring back at him.
The way he had always felt about youâhow deeply, how fucking clearlyâwas right there, in plain sight. And now?
Now it was hard to look at you without seeing what heâd broken.
He didnât want to do this.Â
Didnât want to look at you.
âWhere is she now?â Rafe asked abruptly, trying to shake off his nerves. He wanted things to move quickly. He just wanted to get rid of the anxiety and meet his daughter.
âSheâs inside.â You tilted your head, pointing behind the door.
Rafe hesitated. He almost didnât ask, but his mouth betrayed him. âWith him?â
You nodded. With a deep sigh, you looked away from him, turning your gaze toward the garden. âYeahâŠâ
Of course.
How the hell had this even started?
He held back from saying something heâd regret. You werenât his, and he had no right to say anything, butâthinking of his daughter clinging to JJâs legs and giggling with him stirred something ugly in his chest.
And alsoâseriously, what the hell? You and him? A kook and a pogue? Sure, that label had basically expired years ago, but stillâhow? You two were nothing alike. Different vibes, different scenes, different personalities. Everything. And now whatâliving in the same house? You, Liliana, and JJ?
It felt like a joke.
No, he wasnât going to say any of that out loud. He couldnât risk the chance you were giving himâbut really? Out of everyone in the goddamn world, you picked him?
Rafe tilted his head slightly. His brows furrowed but he quickly recovered. He avoided any expression that would give away how he felt, and kept his tone flatâbut his voice came out way too suggestive. âSoâYou and JJ, hmm?â
He cursed himself the second he heard his own tone. Clearing his throat, he adjusted his posture.
Your eyes flicked to him. You studied him for a beat, then pursed your lips. âMe and JJ what?â
No way your brain had turned to mush over the years. You were either playing dumb, or you were doing this on purposeâto mess with him.
Rafe cleared his throat again. He took a step back, glancing at the other car parked in the yardâprobably the one you both used. Then his eyes landed on the two surfboards propped by the door. The sight of JJ being that settled in made his stomach churn. His eyes met yours again, voice low. âI mean... I donât get it. When did it happen? How or whereâŠâ
Even just outside, there were traces of JJ everywhereâhe didnât want to imagine what the inside of the house looked like. Then again, heâd seen it listed as an Airbnb before, so maybe there wasnât much to see.
But what about your place in the city?
Were JJâs things on the coffee table? His jackets hanging by the door? Were there pictures of you, Liliana, and him smiling on the walls?
His brain needed to just stop.
This wasnât about you. Or JJ. It was about Liliana. And stillâÂ
Shit. Fuck this.
âRafe,â you said with a light laugh, but your tone hinted at warning. You shook your head. âNoââ
Rafe didnât let you finish. He cut you off fast. Unlike you, he wasnât laughing. He looked serious. âI mean if Liliana sees him as her dad, andââ
âWeâre not together,â you interrupted. Your voice was calm, but that alone eased something in Rafeâs chest.
He blinked. âWhat?â
You shrugged like it was no big deal. âWeâre not together. I donât have time to explain every second of it, but he helped me with everything. Still does.â
Rafeâs brows pulled together. He clearly couldnât wrap his head around it. Running a hand through his hair, he shut his eyes for a second. âI just... Iâm having a hard time understanding.â
âWeâre supporting each other, thatâs all,â you said simply.
Rafeâs voice came out almost bitter. âLike... fuck buddies?â
He hated himself for saying it. He shouldnât have said it. He wasnât here for this. How many times did he have to remind himself?
But damn itâhe is curious.
You scrunched your face. Your eyes darted away as you shifted your weight, moving away from the doorframe. âOh my God, Rafe, no.â
âI donât get it.â Rafe started, but couldnât finish. He cut himself off.
If it was nothingâthen why the hell is JJ still here?
You shook your head, your voice barely a whisper. âItâs not that complicated.â
âSo youâre single?â Rafe asked, trying to sound neutralâbut the unease in his voice gave him away. You looked at him. For a moment, Rafe was sure you were going to throw him out. That this was it. No more chance to meet Liliana. No second chance, period.
Nice going, Rafe Cameron. Canât even handle a five-minute doorstep conversation without fucking it up.
âRafe,â you warned.
Rafe quickly straightened up. His tone more explanatory now. âIt was just a question. I was curious.â
âDonât be.â You said it with tired finality.
âOkay.â Rafe nodded and stepped back slightly, taking a deep breath. âBy the wayâI talked to my dad.â
Your eyes locked on him. Your expression tightened. Brows rose. âYou did?â Your tone sounded almost surprised, like you hadnât really expected him to go through with it.
âI did. Didnât go great,â Rafe said with a small laugh, though it barely masked the sting. Honestly, it had gone to shit. He wasnât even planning to talk to his dad again for a while. âIfâlike, I donât know if itâll happen, but if he ever tries to contact you, can you let me know?â
âOf course,â you said without hesitation. Rafe didnât push it, but he still wanted to say it.
He took a deep breath. Talking about this stuff had always been hard, but with you, it still felt⊠easy. Like when you used to talk back then. When you were younger. âI told him not to. Just once in his life, I hope he actually listens.â
You were just about to speak, your mouth half-open, when the inner door creaked open and JJ stepped out. Quietly, but with a kind of weight to his presence. His eyes quickly scanned the both of you, then locked onto Rafeâs face. There was something sharp in his expressionâlike he was approaching prey, calm but deadly. You couldâve sworn he almost hated him.
He moved toward you, planting himself at your side with a protective air. Something flickered in Rafe at the sight. You folded your arms over your chest as the two locked eyesâneither of them even blinked.
JJ placed a possessive hand on your back and nodded at Rafe, then offered a hand. âHey.âÂ
His voice was clipped, hard. Rafe hadnât expected anything softer anyway. Rafeâs eyes dropped briefly to JJâs hand on your back, then met yours.Â
Againâhadnât you said there was nothing going on between you two?Â
Because this shit didnât look like nothing.
The way you leaned into his touchâfuck, it was so you and Rafe. Like five years ago. And seeing thatâRafe didnât even want to think about it.
Watching something heâd lostâsomething he thought was his onceânow standing right in front of him made his stomach twist. He was already on edge, and the sight of you two like that? It was the goddamn cherry on top.
âHi,â Rafe said shortly. He shook JJâs hand, not flinching even when the grip came in tighter than necessary. Theyâd never liked each other, and clearly, five years hadnât changed shit. Rafe still hated him.Â
Only now, he had a reason.Â
You.Â
You, standing too close to him. That was reason enough to hate the bastard.
âHow is she?â Rafe asked, voice low, glancing briefly at the door.
âSheâs waiting,â JJ said, eyes never leaving Rafeâs face. Like he was still evaluating if the guy could be trusted.
âSorry about the beach,â Rafe muttered, eyes on JJ. He wasnât really sorry about the attitudeâjust about the fact that it happened in front of Liliana. But seeing his daughter with *him*âÂ
Yeah, he hadnât expected that. Heâd made assumptions. All his assumptions had included you alone.Â
Just you and Liliana.Â
Not a single one of those imagined JJ Fucking Maybank in the picture. Not even once.
âSame,â JJ replied, shrugging. Tone flat, uninterested.Â
They were clearly tolerating each other just for Lilianaâs sake. That was all this was. Toleration. And even that felt like too much for them.
Rafe looked between the two of you. There was still something unspoken hanging in the air. A tension he couldnât place, but desperately wanted to understand.Â
But not now.Â
Now wasnât the time.Â
There was something more important at stake.
âOkay,â you finally said, breaking the tension. âIf youâre both readyââ
âOf course,â JJ and Rafe said at the same time.
Rafe watched you nod and head toward the door. JJ stepped aside, like he was silently telling Rafe to go in first.
When Rafe stepped inside behind you, Liliana was standing by the window in the corner of the living room. Sheâd dropped the toy book in her hand and was now staring at the door. Rafeâs entrance felt like it sucked all the air out of the room.Â
Heavy. Thick. Silent.
He isn't just nervous. He is scared.Â
Completely fucking terrified.
You and Rafe walked a few steps ahead while JJ came in behind and closed the door.
You looked at Liliana, then turned to Rafe, giving him a small nod.Â
âRafe, this is⊠Liliana.â
Rafe could hear the pounding of his own heart. The only other sound was the cartoon still playing faintly on the TV. He took a few steps in, but didnât get too close. His face was unreadable, carefully composed.Â
Was it the usual mask he wore with strangers?Â
Or was it exhaustionâleftover from everything that had happened with you?Â
Hard to tell.Â
But one thing was clear: he was trying hard to keep the fear down.
Liliana didnât flinch. Her eyes scanned Rafeâs face with sharp, almost adult-like attention.Â
He looked different than she expected.Â
Younger.Â
Maybe softer.Â
But there was something in his eyes⊠something guarded, watchful. Like yours.
And Godâshe looked just like you.Â
So much like you.Â
Just as beautiful.
âHi,â Rafe said, voice cracking slightly but controlled. âYou must be Liliana.â
He was about to fucking shit himself. Sheâs just a little girl. Calm the fuck down.
Liliana tilted her head slightly, eyes narrowing. âYouâre Rafe.â
A flicker of a smile tugged at Rafeâs lips. His heart somehow picked up speed.Â
She knew him. She knew his name.Â
That alone nearly knocked the breath out of him.
He nodded quickly, a little too eagerly. âYeah, Iâm Rafe.â
âMom told me about you,â Liliana said, her voice surprisingly calm. âIs it true you live in space? You fly from planet to planet?â
You cleared your throat, clearly trying to ease the tension. âLiliana, Rafe came here tonight to meet you. But if you donât feel comfortableââ
âNo,â Liliana said quickly. Her eyes stayed on Rafe. âI can meet him.â
Rafe didnât know what to feel about the things youâd told her. Explaining why a father wasnât around mustâve been hell.
He gave a small nod. âThank you.â
He wanted to hug her. God, he wanted to. But it was too soon.
Liliana was silent for a moment. Then, with the unfiltered bluntness only a child could have, she asked:Â
âAre you my dad?â
Rafe looked at you, waiting for confirmation.Â
Then his eyes flicked to JJ, who was standing right beside you. JJ took a long breath and looked away.
You gave Rafe a small nod, then turned back to Liliana, watching closely for her reaction.
âYes,â Rafe said simply.Â
It was short, but all those rehearsed lines heâd practiced in front of a mirror?Â
Gone.Â
All of it.Â
Justâgone.
Liliana shifted in place. Then she hopped forward and climbed onto the couch. Rafeâs mouth twitched at the corners as he watched her toss her baby hair back like it was nothing.
She really was his daughter.
"Okay..." Liliana spoke while swinging her legs off the edge of the couch. "Are you gonna go back to space again?"
Rafe shifted in his seat almost instantly. His throat went dry. His expression didnât change, but his eyes flicked over to you. He wanted to answerâbut he waited for your cue.
âLily,â Bella said gently, but with a warning tone. âWhat happened to being kind?â
âI was justââ Liliana shrugged, then turned back to Rafe. âAre you a liar?â
Rafe held her gaze and replied, âWellâlyingâs bad. And my mission in space is over. No more space.â
Liliana studied him for a moment in silence. Then she slid off the couch, picked her toy book off the floor, sat back on the edge of the cushion, and turned her face back to the window. âWeâll see,â she murmured. âWhat did you even go for in the first place?â
For the first time, Rafe swallowed hard. He felt like he was being put on trial for something long closed. But the kid was right⊠her eyes said more than her words ever could.
Why had he even left in the first place? Why the hell did he screw it all up?
âI donât even know,â he said quietly.
âThank God. Finally,â Cleo said with an exaggerated sigh.
There was nothing like seeing your best friend after days apart. You smiled wide, lifting your arms as you moved toward her.
Cleoâs eyes lit up. She pulled you into a hug, her hands rubbing your back supportively. Her arms were tight around you.
âGirl, do you even know how much I missed you?â
You pulled back and lowered your head slightly, smiling at her. Ever since Cleo and Pope got married, you hadnât had many chances to see her. Sure, you could have made time, but with everything going on with JJ, it all kind of fell apart.
âIâm sorry⊠I know.â
Cleo stepped back. Her gaze flicked to JJ for a split second, but she sighed and spoke to you instead. âI thought you went into hiding or something. You were completely off the radar.â
âI know,â you said with a soft laugh. âThe last few days⊠have been rough.â
Fighting was exhausting. Of course it was. You wished none of it had happenedâbut at the same time, maybe it was for the best. At least now, you both stopped pretending. You were actually talking to each other again.
âAnd thank God, because you look amazing right now,â Cleo said, touching your arm and winking. You rolled your eyes, about to respond, when Pope suddenly jumped in, practically speed-walking in with a plate that was clearly hot.
âHey!â he called out with a grin. He nearly ran. He set the plate on the table, then quickly pulled his hands back and blew on his fingertips.
âHi!,â you said, fighting a laugh at his expression.
Pope winked. Then he leaned down and kissed his wife on the cheekâand you couldnât help the tiny pang of envy that fluttered in your chest. When you heard Cleo giggle, you smiled too. Marriage really did suit them. âThanks for coming, both of you. We really missed you guys,â Pope said warmly, slipping an arm around Cleoâs waist.
You turned when you heard JJ chuckle. He was lounging comfortably on the couch, head turned toward your group, with a grin that wasnât exactly friendlyâmore like smug.
JJ raised an eyebrow. âSo what youâre saying is... youâre tired of spending time with your wife?â
You sighed. God, JJâŠ
âWhatâJJ! Thatâs not what I meant. Cleoâcome on, no!â Pope stammered, clearly panicking.
JJ just shrugged and laughed. Sarcastic as hellâbut also⊠familiar. You looked at him with a mix of amusement and disbelief.
Cleo rolled her eyes and leaned into Pope with a possessive smirk. As if to make a point, she kissed his cheek and said, âStop talking shit about my husband. Maybe start by looking in the mirror, tough guy.â
âGod, the two of you are unbearable now. You were way more tolerable when you were just dating,â JJ muttered as he pushed himself up from the couch and walked over.
You turned toward him, taking a deep breath as he stepped beside you. âEnough, JJ,â you said, smiling despite your warning tone.
JJ gave you an innocent smile. When his eyes locked with yours, he stepped a little closer. âWhat? I didnât even say anything,â he said with a shrug.
You rolled your eyes at him and looked away. He always had to be like thisâsarcastic, smug. But somehow⊠it was the exact kind of behavior youâd grown to love. âAnyway, did you turn on the channel Lily wanted?â
JJ nodded. âEven put her favorite snacks in front of her.â
âThank you,â you said quickly. You hadnât even askedâor thought to askâbut heâd already taken care of it. It warmed something in your chest. You didnât know how he could read you so well. Not just youâLiliana too.
Because whenever you needed something, JJ was there. He always had been. And just like heâd always been there for you, now he was there for Liliana too.
You were grateful. Youâd always be grateful. But even while you looked into his eyes, that gnawing guilt crept in. Because the way you felt about him⊠wasnât the way a friend was supposed to feel.
You werenât supposed to love your friend like this. You were supposed to love him like family, like someone you could count onânot like someone you wanted to spend the entire day wrapped up in.
You werenât supposed to forget all your problems when he held you. You werenât supposed to lose track of time, lose track of your own words, just watching him talk. You werenât supposed to wait at the door hoping heâd come back after every fight. Or look into his eyes and drift away in your thoughts like you were doing now.
âOf course,â JJ said, barely above a whisper. Even with your eyes locked on him, he didnât look away. You wondered what he was thinking. You wished you could read his mind. You wanted to talk about that nightâwhat it meant to him, why he really did itâŠ
The clatter of silverware hitting the table snapped you out of it like a jolt. You broke eye contact with JJ and turned forward, playing it off like nothing happened. After Pope placed the final fork, he and Cleo sat down across from you both. Soft smiles lingered on their faces.
The music playing in the background was light and lovely. You were all clearly happyâit wasnât hard to tell. You were with your friends, and this moment⊠it was one of those youâd probably look back on someday. One of a thousand little memories.
âBy the wayâthe food looks amazing. I seriously canât wait to dig in,â you said, picking up your fork. And you meant itâit really did look incredible.
Cleo let out a small squeal and covered part of her face with one hand. âStop! Youâre embarrassing me. I worked so hard on this.â
But then, you caught the look Pope gave her from beside herâone brow raised, his head turning slowly with a very smug grin. âI literally made everything. Cleo was watching reality show whole time.â
âWhat?! What a lie!â Cleo burst out laughing. She pouted and stabbed at her food with her fork, refusing to look at him.
Pope just shook his head with a chuckle, clearly accepting his fate.
I was actually enjoying being hereâat this time, in this place, with these people. Even if I tried not to look at the guy standing next to me, something inside me kept screaming look at him. Everything was because of him, wasnât it?
He gave you a life you couldnât have fought for, a friendship you didnât know you needed. You couldâve never imagined feeling this kind of peace. Even if you had tried, you wouldnât have found it. But stillâif they gave you the choice, youâd pick this again.
Sure, you had your share of shitty days. But stillâyeah, you wouldnât trade it.
"Whoever made thisâseriously, it tastes amazing. Iâm definitely finishing every plate," JJ said with a small smile. It was the first time since he walked into this house that he dropped his usual sarcasm and gave a real compliment.
Cleo narrowed her eyes at me. âYou couldnâtâve missed it that much. You literally just ate.â
I turned my head toward JJ after Cleoâs commentâhe suddenly couldnât swallow the bite in his mouth. He locked eyes with Cleo, forced himself to swallow, then took a sip of water. âWait, what do you mean?â I asked, turning to him.
Before JJ could even say a word, Cleo jumped in fast. She leaned forward. âWhat do you mean what do you mean? He stayed here. I cooked, so... duh.â She rolled her eyes at JJ for a second before turning her gaze back to me.
So... heâd been here. Here. For three days. At Cleo and Popeâs house.
Our friends house.
I turned fully to JJ. He had gotten comfortable, leaning in like he belonged there. You listened closely to his breathing.
âYou were here?â you asked him, disbelief in your voice.
You didnât know what to think. Youâ you thought he was staying at someone elseâs house. Someone else, likeâ maybe a womanâs. You didnât know, andâ
Fuck. Just stop.
JJ held his head high. âYeah.â His voice was steady. Not a trace of his usual smirk. In fact, he looked you straight in the eye like he wanted to prove something. Like, for a second, he forgot Cleo and Pope were even there.
âThree days?â The shock in your voice was obvious. He wasnât giving you what you wanted. You were hinting, subtly asking where heâd been, but he just casually answered. Didnât even try to meet you halfway. And all you really wanted was for him to say it out loud.
âYes,â JJ said again.
Before you even fully realized it, something inside you felt lighter. Like a cold rush washed over your body. Likeâ you felt relieved.
âOh⊠okay.â Thatâs all you said. Your eyebrows lifted, and you stared at the napkin in front of you. What you were feeling was definitely relief. He didnât owe you anything. He didnât have to tell you anythingâand he hadnât. But you had still wondered. God, you had wondered so damn much.
Just the thought of him touching someone else, sleeping in the same bed as another woman for three whole daysâ it ate you alive. You couldnât even exist inside your own home. Your thoughts were screaming to get out of your head.
You had even thought about cornering him and forcing the truth out of him. You were that angry. So pissed off at the idea that he could just come home from someone elseâs bed and kiss you like nothing happenedâ like it was no big deal.
Of course, you didnât say anything to him. Who were you, really? There was no you and him. You couldnât ask questionsâbut you couldnât silence your thoughts either.
And now, after all the days you spent seething with jealousy, the truth being the complete opposite left you feeling like a brand new fucking baby. Like your nerves had been surgically removed.
âWhat did you think?â JJâs voice was teasing. You blinked out of your thoughts and looked up at him. He was leaning on the chair with one arm, watching you with that half-smirk.
You hesitated for a second. You were about to shrug and change the subject, but suddenly you realized how stupid that would be. âWhen I said you might be staying at someone elseâs house⊠you didnât say no.â Your tone was sharper than you meant it to be. It almost sounded like you were accusing him. And JJâs lips curved into an even bigger smirk.
He reached up to scratch his cheek, trying to hide that dumb grin. As if he could. It was so obvious. So infuriating. JJ parted his lips and spoke clearly: âWhen you implied I was at another womanâs place. Letâs get that straight.â He reached for his water and took another sip.
You tried to ignore Cleo and Pope watching from across the table with wide, curious eyes. Especially Cleoâs. She looked like she was watching a rom-com play out live. You swallowed hard. Shook your head and shrugged. âWhat difference does it make? I asked, and you didnât say anything. So⊠I just assumed.â
You were almost stammering. Your voice sounded unsure, weak.
You felt cornered. Like this asshole was playing with you the way a cat plays with a mouse. Drawing it out on purpose, watching you squirm. And he was winning. You werenât ever going to say you were jealous. Even if he asked, you already knew the royal answer: Deny, deny, deny.
JJ leaned in closer. The smugness disappeared from his lips, replaced with something quieter, something more serious. âI wasnât focused on that at the time. It wasnât my priority.â His voice was calm now. He looked me right in the eyes. I couldnât look away. I didnât want to.
âHuh? What was your priority?â
The moment between you was shattered by Cleoâs excited voice. Her eyebrows were raised high. She was still eating from her plate like she was watching the best scene in a movie.
JJâs eyes lingered on you a moment longer before he finally turned to Cleo. He straightened up and leaned back into the chair again. Thank God. Because the second he got too close, you totally lost your balance.
âI wanted to fix things between us andââ
Cleo cut him off, fast. Her voice was protective, almost fierce.Â
âAnd hopefully to beg for forgiveness. Because when I kicked you out, I clearly told you thatâs exactly what you should do.â
You knew she loved both of you, but you liked that she was more protective of you when it came to JJ. Even after all these years, she kept reminding youâprobably for the millionth timeâthat your friendship wasnât just based on JJ.
âCleo,â Pope warned gently, nudging his wifeâs arm.
Cleo shrugged. âWhat? If you had pulled that shit, itâd take me years to forgive you. Honestly, the fact that theyâre even sitting next to each other right now? Thatâs a damn miracle.â
Sure, it wouldnât be fair to erase everything that happened over the years just like that. But stillâyou both knew who had really messed up. And because you understood why it happened, you weren't going to drag it out. If it were you, if you had to lose both JJ and Liliana at once? Youâd lose your mind too.
âBut theyâre not us,â Pope said softly.
Cleo rolled her eyes. âWhatâs the difference, really?â she replied, stubborn but affectionate.
âWeâre married. And theyâre like... roommates. Or best friends. Or whatever,â Pope said.
Wow. That was your definition of it? Justâwow. Your lips curved despite yourself. Roommates or best friends. That was so you and JJ. Nailed it. And yet, hearing it said out loudâŠ
âSure,â Cleo said with a smileâbut there was something else underneath her voice. Then she added, lowering her tone but keeping the sarcasm,Â
âI donât remember us ever making out when we were just friendsââ
Pope panicked. His voice jumped an octave. âCake! Thereâs cake in the oven!â
You sighed. âOh my GodâŠâ
So JJ had told them everything, huh? When your eyes flicked over to him, his brows were raised, mouth slightly open. Even he hadnât seen that one coming. When he turned to you, maybe about to explain, you quickly looked away and took a deep breath.
âLily met Rafe today,â you blurted out. No thought behind it. You hadnât even talked about the kiss yourselves yet. And this was definitely not the time or the place. You couldâve told them, eventually. But maybe after talking it through with JJ first. Whateverâfuck it.
Cleo whipped around to you, totally caught off guard. She gave you her full attention, like sheâd instantly forgotten whatever she'd just said.Â
âSorry, what?â
You nodded, kind of grateful the tension had shifted elsewhere.Â
âYeah. They met. It was a decision JJ and I made. And... it was fine.â You glanced over at him as you said it. You were thankful for this little detour in the conversation.
âYeah. But she still loves me more,â JJ chimed in, wearing that familiar grin. He still looked a little tenseâhis body gave it awayâas he hesitated, eyes on you.
âSheâll always love you more. Youâve been in her life for five years.âÂ
You looked at him. The idea that Lily might love JJ less was absurd. His place in her heart was solid.
JJ tilted his head, a soft smile tugging at his lips. The tension that had been building between you seemed to melt away with that one innocent statement. No matter what happened, you never doubted JJâs love for Liliana.
You nodded, a strange peace settling inside you.Â
âOf course.â
And once again, the moment between you was interrupted by Cleo.Â
âThatâs so wifey and hubby thingââ
Your eyes widened. And clearly, you werenât the only one reacting. Pope jumped up from his seat like a switch had been flipped. His voice was firm, almost like he wanted to physically cover her mouth.Â
âCleo. Can you help me take the cake out?â
Cleo just shrugged. She still looked like she wanted to stay and watch whatever this was unfolding in front of her.Â
âYou do know you can handle that on your own, babeââ
That was cute. But still, when she said stuff like that, you couldnât help blushing.
Pope tried again, more politely.Â
âPlease.âÂ
Cleo sighed. âOkay.â
As the two of them left the room, a weird panic settled in your chest. You were alone at the table now. Part of you wanted to thank Pope, and the other part wanted to drag him back by the collar. You had no idea what to do. You were just... anxious. And he was still looking at you.
JJ was the first to speak, his eyes still on you.Â
âWe didnât really get to talk today.â
That was a lie. Youâd talked a lot. Just⊠not about each other. But even soâwhat else was left to say?
About what? The fact that heâd been staying at Cleo and Popeâs for days? The kiss? Rafe?
You just nodded, silently agreeing. Was it always going to be this hard? You saw this man every day, and still the tension between you was unbearable.
JJ paused, then said, âSorry about Cleo. You know how she is.â
You smiled and nodded quickly. After five years, you were more than used to her.Â
âOhâI know.â
She was blunt, and you didnât mind it. She was your best friend. And even if she said things a bit too directly sometimes, you loved her for it. Sheâd also brought one of your lingering doubts into the open todayâand helped ease it.
Alsoâshe wasnât exactly subtle about her little hints about the two of you. Not that you hadnât noticed.
JJ spoke hesitantly, his voice low.Â
âAnd Iâm sorry for telling them about the kiss too. I was... at my lowest, and you know how every time I try to fix things, I just fuck everything up.âÂ
His hand slipped through his hair, eyes falling to the floor.Â
âI couldnât think straight. I asked them for advice instead.â
He wasnât even looking at you.Â
You shook your head quickly. You didnât want to stay mad at him anymore. You didnât want to lose what you had.Â
So you acted fast.Â
âOkay.â
It really wasnât the worst thing in the world.
JJ kept going like he hadnât even heard you. His eyes stayed down, fingers fidgeting anxiously. He looked like he was barely holding it together.Â
âThatâs why it all just spilled out. I didnât mean to say anything. I swear, I wouldnât have told anyone.â
âI know,â you said quietly.Â
You knew JJ.Â
If there was any malice in him, he wouldâve shown it years ago.
Wasnât he the one who drove two hours just to be there when you had a miscarriage scare?Â
The one who stayed with you so you wouldnât be alone?Â
The one who cheered you up on the beach when Rafe didnât want Liliana?Â
The one who reminded you your body is yours, and no one else gets to claim it?
Yeah.Â
That was JJ. He was always behind you. Beside you. Never against you. You couldnât imagine him doing anything to intentionally hurt you. Just like you knew you couldnât ever do that to him either. âItâs just⊠we havenât even talked about what happened andââ
JJ cut you off before you could finish. His hands went up like he was surrendering, eyes shutting tight like he couldnât handle the weight of it. âI know⊠We can talk when we get home, or whenever youâre ready. Iâm sorry.âÂ
He dipped his head. One hand rubbed at his forehead, still not looking at youâjust sitting there, fully accepting heâd messed up.
Your gaze flicked toward the hallway where Cleo and Pope had disappeared. It was quiet. From the look of the empty room, you could tell no one was around.
Honestly, you were glad they left you two alone for a bit. And Pope trying to awkwardly save the moment was kind of funny.Â
Still⊠it was a little embarrassing how all this was playing out right in front of them.
You whipped your head toward JJ like lightning. Your lips moved before you could even think. A small, crooked smile tugged at the corner. âThey wonât be back for a while⊠you know.âÂ
There was no one around, but you still kept your voice low, like it was meant just for him.JJ dropped his hand from his forehead and slowly raised his head. His eyes widened.Â
He glanced at the door Cleo and Pope had walked through, mouth opening, closing, then opening again.Â
He sat up straighter, staring at you like what youâd just said was the weirdest thing in the world.Â
âNowâyou wanna talk about it now?âÂ
JJ nearly stammered, but reeled it in last second, clearing his throat. You shrugged. You were fighting not to look at his lips, not to let your brain wander. But they looked⊠distracting.Â
Your mind driftedâbrieflyâback to that kiss, and you caught yourself. Your eyes were already halfway there.Â
âI mean⊠only if you want to.â You turned your head to the side. Looking at him was getting harder by the second.
JJ nodded, barely breathing. âYeah. Sure.â
An awkward silence settled between you. Neither of you knew who should start. You didnât have much to explain, really. He kissed you.Â
But⊠you kissed him back.Â
If you didnât want it, you couldâve pushed him away, slapped him even. But all you wanted was to pull him closer and kiss him again.Still, a part of you was terrified he regretted it.Â
Knowing he might feel that wayâit scared the hell out of you. But even more than that, the idea that it could ruin what you hadâthat it could wreck your friendshipâwas worse.Â
Even if you were the only one feeling this way, there was still a little girl to think about. If JJ left⊠how the hell would you explain it to her?Â
How would you survive missing him?The words were stuck in your throat, fighting each other like a storm. You wanted to talk. You really did.Â
But right now, right in this moment, the idea of being with him was both the thing you wanted most⊠and the thing you feared the most.
Because if he didnât want you back, It would be the end of a years-long friendship.Â
Maybe youâd never fix it again. Feelings always had a way of screwing everything up.
Finally, JJ broke the silence. He straightened up, like heâd decided to just say it. âI felt like that in the moment. I just wanted the fighting to stop, and I wouldnât normally do something like that but⊠everything was a mess. We were both pissed, and I kissed you without thinking. And Iâm sorry for that. It justââ
He didnât think you regretted it, did he? Because you didnât. Not even close. Youâd do it again right now if you could.
You didnât even know what happened. Your mouth opened and the words flew out before your brain could stop them. âI kissed you back.â
JJ froze. His mouth stopped moving. âWhat?â
âIf I didnât want to keep going⊠I wouldâve pushed you away.â You wouldâve. You wouldnât have let him stay near you for another second. But those stupid, intense feelings got the better of you. You couldnât even think straight around him.Â
Especially when he was close.
The shock was written all over JJâs face. âWhat do you mean?â
This time, you spoke more gently. You couldnât tell him the real reason you didnât stop him. Not while he still saw you as just a friend.âWe werenât in a good place. Emotionally, I mean. We were both angry, andâlook, you havenât been with anyone in almost a year, and I havenât⊠not since Liliana was born.â
JJ jumped in fast, nervous. âI havenât touched anyone either. I meanâweâre in the same boat.â
The confession had been sitting on your chest the whole time. He always came back late from dates. So you just assumedâlike, really, you just assumed.Â
You never actually asked, but stillâŠÂ
Had there really never been anyone? Why not?Â
Anyone else in his position wouldâve slept with a dozen girls by now, maybe had a string of flings.Â
Especially with JJâconsidering his status on the islandâyou figured once he went to the mainland, his options would multiply.Â
But hearing the opposite? That was⊠kind of flattering? Maybe. You werenât sure. But God, it made you happy. How could it not?Â
Knowing there hadnât been someone elseâthat was oddly satisfying.
Your lips tugged up for a second before you caught yourself and shook your head. âOhâso it was like, a dry spell thing? I donât know. Maybe it was just something we *both* needed in the moment and⊠it kinda just happened.âÂ
You kept your voice low. You had no idea what you were even trying to say, especially after that confession. Honestly, all you wanted to do was pull him in and kiss him again.
JJ let out a crooked grin. âSo basically, I helped... defuse the situation. That what you're saying?â
Your eyebrows lifted. A small chuckle slipped out as you leaned back. âSo whatâyouâre saying we should do it every time we fight?âÂ
You joked, watching the way his expression instantly panickedâpure delight lit up inside you.
JJ squirmed in his seat, throwing his hands up like he was ready to defend himself. âNoâlikeâI meanâthatâs not what I meant, butââ
You couldnât help it. You burst into laughter. The way he freaked outâit was⊠adorable. Genuinely adorable. After a beat, you cut him off, pretending to be serious.âIâm messing with you.âYou played with your toneâhalf teasing, half gentle.Â
He watched your reaction, relief spreading across his face with a hint of surprise. But you didnât stop.Â
This time, your voice came out more serious. Or at least, trying to sound serious. Even you couldnât tell anymore. âBut I mean⊠if youâre offeringââ
His surprise melted into something giddy. JJ caught your bluff immediately. He leaned in, eyes lighting up with excitement. âYeah. Yeah, I meanâwe could try it again sometime. Donât know if weâll fight again, butâŠâ
You nodded, smiling. You liked this game you were playing with him. Especially watching him stumble over his words and avoid eye contact like thatâ âYeah, maybe⊠if we do.â You gave him your approval with a grin that was hard to contain.
âYeah⊠maybe.â JJ ran a hand through his hair, pausing for a second before locking eyes with you. âIt was nice, by the way.â
You froze. You stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if heâd actually said that. Once you realized he meant it, you spoke.
âReally?â
JJ nodded, dead serious. âWouldnât have guessed you hadnât had any practice in five years. Felt pretty damn natural.â
You noticed the smileâsubtle, almost too subtleâbut it was there. Just like the way his gaze kept flicking to your lips⊠and then slightly lower. You noticed. Oh, you definitely noticed.Â
Because you were doing the exact same thing.You really wanted to see where this was going. Hell, you even wondered if heâd kiss you again tonight.Â
Even if it was just a thoughtâone you knew probably wouldnât become real.
âOh, stop.â You turned your head, trying to hide the shy smile spreading across your face.
JJ reached over and tapped your knee for attention, laughing. âIâm serious! I felt like a total amateur and you were like, a fucking pro.âÂ
He exaggerated with his hands and expressions, and you had to fight the urge to roll your eyes.
He couldnât say shit like that. He justâhe shouldnât.
You turned toward him, looking him dead in the face. âWhat a big liar.â
JJ raised his brows. âWhat? I swear, itâs true!â
Before you knew what was happening, your chair shifted. JJ had grabbed it from underneath and pulled you closer. He was nearer now. His eyes locked on yours, one arm casually resting over the back of your chair like he wasnât doing the most right now.
But you could see itâthe mischief in his eyes.
He seriously needed to calm down. Because you were starting to get the wrong idea.
The second he leaned in slightly, you snapped out of it. You caught how his eyes briefly dipped to your smile. It was quick, but you saw it.Â
You pressed your hand to his chest and turned your head away. âStop.â
JJ shook his head, fidgeting like he was trying to get your attention again. âNo. Youâre just naturally talented.â Even though you thought he was just joking, something about his tone⊠made it hard to tell.Â
It was messing with your head. Actuallyâit was starting to make you question everything.
This time, your eyes dropped to the floor.Were you blushing? Maybe. But the way your stomach fluttered? That was the real giveaway. Thank God he couldnât see that.
âI donât believe you.â You still hadnât looked back at him.Â
You shook your head, smiling to yourself. But his eyesâyeah, they were still on you. And he wasnât done messing around.
âWant me to prove it?â JJ took the hand that was resting on his chest and wrapped his fingers around yours, gently pulling free.
Your eyes shot to him instantly. He grinned, clearly proud of himself.Â
Of course he was.Â
He was trying to get you to look at him.
Your mouth parted slightlyâlike you were about to say somethingâbut you stopped yourself.Â
He was just playing. Just a game.
Fine.Â
If itâs a game, then let it be a game. If he thought you were gonna just sit there and melt, he had another thing coming.
You turned toward him fully, matching his energy. âOh, you wanna prove it?â There was a smirk on your lips nowâteasing, sharp.Â
He noticed. You saw that familiar spark in his eyes flicker alive again. He licked his lips. âOnly if you want me to.â The softness in his words⊠the tone of his voiceâÂ
You couldnât tell if he was still playing or if heâd just crossed some invisible line.
But for a moment, you were filled with anger. The way he was treating it like a gameâit pissed you off. But you bit your tongue not to show it.Â
âYou wanna kiss me?â The words came out teasing, but your eyes had narrowed. You didnât regret it for a second. If he was gonna play games, then fineâyouâd play harder. You wanted to push his limits. Still, your heart skipped a beat with every word.
JJ let out a soft laugh, part breath, part amusement. He leaned back a little and adjusted himself in the chair. âAlways so straightforward, huh?â He shook his head, and you had to stop yourself from smiling at that damn grin of his. The moment you noticed his eyes sweeping over you, you straightened up.
He tilted his head and kept his eyes on you.
You leaned in slightly. âWould you have preferred I dragged it out and acted like an idiot instead?â
âMaybe.â He shrugged. That classic Maybank smirk on his face. The one that hadnât changed in years. The one that usually got to you.
You laughed. âAre you flirting with me, Maybank?â The question was clear, but the subtext was even louder. And when you looked into his eyesâyou could see it. He was having fun.
You leaned back, resting against your chair. âWould you want me to?â JJ asked. He reached behind you, his fingers playing with the ends of your hair. His eyes flicked from your face to your hair as he twirled a strand between his fingers.
âSo Iâm the only one on this island you havenât flirted with yet, huh?â You pulled your hair forward, away from his hand. When you did, you caught that tired smile on his lips. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand.
He squinted, pretending to think. âYou and maybe a couple others,â he said, like he was trying to get under your skin. His voice had a playful, taunting edge to it.
His handâstill behind youâslid to your shoulder. He started tracing small circles there, and a chill ran down your spine. The air wasnât cold. It was actually a nice evening. But his touch? It messed with your head. It burned and tingled all at once.
You tried to act like it didnât affect you, but your sharp inhale gave you away. You looked him in the eye. JJ was already looking at you.
âWhatâs all this about?â you asked, eyes narrowed. âFigured youâd check me off the list while youâre back on the island?â
JJ laughed. That stupid grin againâit was seriously getting on your nerves. You were getting more and more pissed andâ
Wait.
You were jealous, werenât you?
âIf Iâd wanted to, I wouldâve done it five years ago,â he said. âOnly one I see is you.â
His wordsâcombined with that little realizationâthrew you off for a second. He was just playing. Thatâs all this was. His usual game. Nothing new.
You sighed and turned your head away. This boy was exhausting.
When you looked away, JJ let out a breath of his own. âSoo⊠a kiss?â His tone was playful, as always. But underneath itâthere was something else. Hope.
You turned to him, that teasing smirk on your face. âIn your dreams.â You leaned in slightly when you said it, laughing. You may have wanted it, deep down, but he was still just playing.
âYeahâ I hope so.â He nodded, and you could almost see him replaying that sentence a thousand times in his head.
You were about to say something else when a voice cut in.
âWeâre back,â Cleo announced, holding a plate stacked with slices of cake.
The second JJ heard her, he shot up like heâd been caught. You, Pope, and Cleo stared at him, confused. âNope. I think we should go home,â he said, his voice bouncing between a joke and actual intention.
You exhaled hard when it clicked what he was trying to do. You grabbed his arm. Met his eyes. âJJ. Sit down.â
JJ looked from Pope to you. There was a tiny pause. âYes, maâam,â he said, sitting back down immediately. That sly grin was back. You couldâve punched him.
Pope furrowed his brows, glancing between you and JJ, clearly lost. âWhat the hell just happened?â
JJ turned to you, about to explain. âWell, we were kindaââ
âTalking about nothing,â you cut in quickly. You knew damn well he was doing this on purpose.
JJ chuckled. His eyebrows raised, eyes scanning your face. âIs that what we were doing?â
âShut up,â you snapped without missing a beat. You sighed, biting your lip. This boy was never gonna change.
âWhat the hellâs going on here?â Cleo asked, setting the plate on the table and plopping down in the chair across from you two.
You glanced at JJ. Took a quick second to assess him before speaking. âHeâs getting cocky âcause we made up.â
âAnd she likes it,â JJ said, nodding proudly, like it was some kind of win.
You rolled your eyes, grinning despite yourself. âYeah, sure I do.â
The house was almost holding its breath when you got back. A heavy silence settled over everything â a strange mix of calm and tension woven into the night. As you took off your shoes in the dim living room light, the only sounds were the faint, rhythmic breaths from somewhere deeper inside. Lily was already asleep.
You glanced over at JJ, who was slowly making his way down the stairs. You rested your elbow on the armrest, hand propped under your chin. His shirt was wrinkled, and his eyes were a little red from exhaustion.Â
âShe asleep?â you asked in a low voice. No matter what, you didnât want Liliana to wake up.
JJ tilted his head slightly, a soft, tired smile playing on his lips. When he reached the bottom step, he stretched slowly and nodded.Â
âOut like a light. Didnât even need a bedtime story,â he murmured back, his voice just as quiet as yours.
Your eyebrows lifted a little, lips parting in a faint smile.Â
âJohn B and Sarah mustâve worn her out.â
JJ gave a lazy shrug, but his eyes still held that sleepy warmth.Â
âProbably.â
As he walked toward you, his eyes flicked briefly to the TV. You followed his gaze â the screen was still on, playing something low in the background. Youâd turned it on when you got back, but you hadnât really been paying attention. When you looked back, his gaze had returned to you â focused, closer now.
His eyes slowly scanned your face like he was trying to figure something out. Really looking. You could feel it â his eyes taking in every detail: your eyes, your hair, your lips.Â
âDid you do something?â he asked, tone slightly suspicious, like he was trying to catch something he couldnât quite name.
Your brows lifted slowly. Your hand instinctively went to your hair, wondering if something was on your face.Â
âWhat do you mean?â you asked, brushing your cheek like you were checking for smudges or crumbs.
âYou look really good.â
Your hand dropped, eyes widening. Your heartbeat picked up, thudding in your chest like it suddenly forgot how to keep a rhythm.
You tried to remember if heâd ever said things like that before. Compliments like this⊠Did he usually do that? You werenât even sure if you had noticed. But now it felt like it was too much.
Not too much in a bad way. More like⊠it made you aware. And you knew you hadnât felt this way before â at least, not like this. But lately, it was like every sentence out of his mouth made your heart skip.
You tilted your head down slightly, catching yourself before it turned into full-blown shyness. You squared your shoulders and tried to steady your face.Â
âNo,â you said, voice soft but steady. âActually⊠Iâd say Iâm just tired.â
JJ smirked faintly, his eyes still exploring your expression. For a second, he paused like he could see you were trying to hide something. Then his head tilted slightly, a familiar gleam in his eyes.Â
âYou always look good,â he said. âI just said it weird.â
You looked away for a second, then let out a small, genuine smile.Â
âThanks,â you murmured, a blush creeping up your cheeks. You could feel the heat spreading fast. Your eyes dropped to the floor, but no matter where you looked, your thoughts werenât letting go. So you lifted your head again, lips parting with a quiet sigh.Â
âSo⊠whatâs your deal?â
JJâs gaze met yours. His brows lifted with curiosity.Â
âWhat do you mean?â
âThis whole flirting thingâŠâ you said, drawing vague circles in the air with your hands. The sentence carried all your confusion with it. JJâs eyes sparkled slightly, and yours drifted from his lips to his eyes.
âFlirting?â he echoed, the corner of his mouth curling into a smirk. âThis is just me being me.â
You tilted your head, narrowing your eyes like you were trying to solve a puzzle. For a second, you wondered if you were the one overthinking it â but you shut that thought down fast.Â
âAs far as I remember,â you said, voice half-teasing but sincere, âyou havenât offered to kiss me even once in the past five years.â
JJ let out a laugh, leaning slightly toward you with a playful glint in his eye.Â
âDid I not?â he said, clearly entertained. âDamn shame.â
âJJâŠâ you said, his name coming out like a warning â soft, but full of meaning.
You hated that a part of you felt hopeful when he acted like this. Hated it.
He sighed, raising his hands like he was defending himself.Â
âLookâ Iâm just trying to keep the peace, alright? Maybe Iâm being a little shit about it, but thatâs all it is. If itâs not working for youââ
âNo!â you said quickly, cutting him off without even thinking. âI didnât say that.âÂ
Your words came out rushed, breath uneven. You regretted it instantly, but it was too late â that smirk was already creeping onto JJâs face.
He locked eyes with you, balancing on that line between serious and teasing.Â
âSo you do like it?â
You opened your mouth, but no words came out. Your lips moved, but your voice got caught somewhere in your throat. And then he moved â slowly circling the couch, eyes never leaving yours. His steps were steady, deliberate. When he sat down beside you, his knees brushed yours. He was close.
He grinned like he was swallowing a laugh.Â
âDidnât know you were such a dirty girl, sweetheart.â
Your eyebrows shot up. That kind of comment definitely threw you off.Â
âStop,â you said, frowning â but you couldnât stop the smile tugging at your lips.
âWhat? I didnât even do anything,â JJ said, shrugging. His expression, though, said otherwise.
âYouâre just⊠so fucking annoying sometimes.âÂ
Your voice was laced with sarcasm, but your heart was pounding like hell.
JJ narrowed his eyes, studying you. âYeah? You look pissed,â he said, his voice softening, like he was trying to read you.
You leaned forward on the couch, closing the distance between you two until there was barely a breath between your faces. âDoes that turn you on?â you asked, locking your eyes with his.
JJâs eyes widened. His eyebrows shot up and he leaned back slightly. âWhat?â
âWhat do you mean âwhatâ? Surprised now that Iâm speaking your language?â you teased, letting out a laugh that was part amused, part nervous. Your heart was pounding, but this gameâbeing this close to himâwas both terrifying and addictive.
âI just⊠wasnât expecting that,â JJ said, tossing his hair back. His hand slid through it as he tilted his head to the side.
You raised your brows and stepped in closer. âYeah? So you prefer me pissed off all the time, orââ
JJ laughed, throwing his hands up. âWoah! Okay! Calm down.â
You giggled too, tilting your head and winking. âOr maybe you'd rather practice like you said before?â
Silence fell. The air between you buzzed with something heavy. JJ didnât say a word. He just kept staring, studying your face like it held some answer. Whatever this was, it made you shift uncomfortably. He didnât look away.
You spoke softly, your eyes scanning him. âCat got your tongue now? You suddenly got real quiet.â
JJ pursed his lips and looked away with a slight scowl. âStop playing.â
You shrugged with a faint smirk. You kind of liked getting under his skin. âWhatever you want.â Another beat of silence passed before you changed the subject, more gently this time. âWere you happy today? With the whole Rafe thing and, you knowâŠâ
JJ turned his head toward you slowly and took a deep breath, like your question was heavier than it sounded. He took his time before answering, eyes steady on yours. âLiliana welcomed me. That made me happy.â His voice dropped lower, almost to a whisper, and he looked down at his hands. âShe still loves me more.â Just like he said at Popeâs house⊠but this time, it felt like he was saying it to himself, not to you.
âJJâŠâ you said softly, placing a hand on his chest to bring his attention back.
It worked. JJ looked up with a quiet âHmm?â and when his eyes met yours, he looked⊠innocent. Like a kid.
âSheâll always love you first,â you said, without a hint of doubt in your voice. Maybe saying that would hurt Rafe if he ever heard itâbut you werenât going to lie. Not about this.
The hardness in JJâs face slowly melted. His lips relaxed. âShe will, wonât she?â he asked, voice barely holding steady. You knew he questioned it. But no matter what, JJ would always be in Lilianaâs lifeâas long as he wanted to be.
You moved your hand from his chest to his cheek, brushing his skin gently with your thumb. âOf course. No one can change that.â
JJ leaned into your touch, shifting slightly closer. âI just⊠panicked, you know?â
You nodded. âI know,â you said, voice low and warm.
JJ parted his lips like he was about to say something, then stopped. He closed his eyes, pressing his cheek into your hand, and let the words spill out. âYou and Liliana⊠youâre my family.â
Something fluttered in your chest. Those words hit deep. You couldnât lose him. And just like you couldnât lose him, you wouldnât let him lose you two either. No way. âThereâs no other way to see it. You are my family. And I know Liliana feels the same.â
JJ leaned in, guilt and longing flickering in his eyes. âI still feel like I owe you.â
You exhaled deeply. As much as this whole thing still hurt, knowing he was hurting more changed something in you. âIt was just a misunderstanding,â you said, not letting him go further. It was done. Youâd closed that chapter. You didnât want to think about those days anymore.
But JJ wasnât done. âI left Liliana. I left you andââ
You gripped his cheek firmly and lifted his lowered head. You hated seeing him like that, hunched over in regret. It was just a mistake. And thatâs all it would ever be. You werenât going to revisit it again. âJJ. Itâs over. We talked about it. We understood each other. Thatâs enough. Thatâs what matters.â
JJ closed his eyes, then opened them again. âIâll never do that again.â His gaze was heavy, like he was begging you to believe him. Almost desperate.
You smiled at him. You wanted to shift the mood, bring back some lightness. You couldnât stand seeing him so downâand never would. No matter what darkness followed him, youâd fight it. âAs if Iâd let you,â you said, moving in a little closer.
JJ chuckled, lips curving. âGod bless that kiss.â
You rolled your eyes. âOh Jesus.â You were about to run your hand through his hair when JJ reached up and held your hand to his cheek, pressing a soft kiss into your palm. Your heart skipped a beat. A warm rush spread through your chest.
âWhat, am I wrong?â he murmured casually.
You stammered. âNo. No⊠Iâm thankful for that kiss too.â
Honestly? Your brain was fried. No, really. You werenât okayâand you probably wouldnât be for a while. You couldnât even remember what youâd said a second ago.
âRight?â
âYeahâŠâ you breathed out, barely audible. You didnât even know what you were agreeing to anymore. All you knew wasâyou were close. Too close. And this closeness⊠it was dizzying. Your breath caught as your eyes wandered over his face. God, you hated him. So much.
Then your eyes met again. Silence. Heavy and thick.
JJâs voice came out like a whisper. âAre you thinking about kissing me?â
His voice snapped you out of it. You shook your head quickly, eyes wide. âOh my god, JJâŠâ you said, yanking your hand away. You shifted awkwardly on the couch, leaning back like that would give you space. Your eyes were still wide.
JJ tilted his head, that smug smirk back on his lips. âWhat? You were staring at my mouth. Are you a perv?â
You had been. Without even realizing it. And now you hated yourself for letting him affect you that much. But you were still thinking about it. That moment he kissed your palm.
âI wasnâtâ Fuck offâŠâ you said, flustered. Your voice shook, but not from angerâbecause he caught you.
MASTERLIST -`âźÂŽ- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank
Summary: Kook!Readerâs world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely personâJJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.
Songs : Like him - Tyler, The Creator / Everything I wanted - Billie Eilish
previous - next
Two days ago, Cameron Estate.
Rafe knew his father was returning from his business trip today. Ward Cameron ran on a schedule as precise as a Swiss watch. The man liked every minute of his day to be planned down to the last detail. His flight time, the exact minute heâd walk through the door, even when heâd unpack his suitcase and step into the showerâit was all set in stone.Â
Once upon a time, Rafe had a set schedule for stepping into this house too. But that was years ago. And back then, his timing never quite fit into his fatherâs plans.Â
This time, Ward Cameron wasnât the one in control.Â
As he stepped out of the car, Rafe shoved his hands deep into his pockets. A cigarette mightâve helped take the edge off, but his hands might start shaking. He took a deep breath, feeling the knot tightening in his stomach. Heâd replayed this moment in his head a thousand times, calculated every possible reaction. But looking the man in the eye and actually saying the wordsâ That was something else entirely.Â
He picked up his pace.Â
When he opened the door, he was greeted by the familiar, suffocating perfection inside. The Cameron estate was always like thisâgrand, ostentatious, and cold. The walls were lined with expensive paintings, but none of them had any life. Just like the people who lived here.Â
His eyes swept across the room quickly.Â
There he was.Â
Ward Cameron, seated at his usual spot at the desk. An open laptop in front of him, a pen in his hand. His brows were slightly furrowed, completely focused on the screen. So deep into his work that he hadnât even noticed his son walking in.Â
Across from him, Rose scribbled something into a notebook, occasionally glancing up to speak. Conversations in the Cameron family were never really conversations. They were business meetings.Â
Rafe held his breath.Â
Facing Ward Cameron was like slamming your head against a brick wall. The man listened with an emotionless, judgmental silence, dissected every word, found the weakest pointâthen struck. Rafe knew the drill.Â
But this time, he wasnât backing down.Â
This wasnât just about him. It was about his daughter, too.Â
He stepped forward, his voice cutting through the room. âHeyâcan we talk for a minute?âÂ
Roseâs head snapped up immediately. Ward, on the other hand, didnât react at all. His eyes stayed glued to the screen. Rafe knew exactly what that meantâhis father had already decided this was a conversation not worth his time.Â
Heâd heard him, obviously. But acknowledging his presence? That was a step too far.Â
As always, to Ward Cameron, Rafe was a ghost.Â
Rose gave him a quick glance, arching an eyebrow. Then, with an exaggerated sigh, she set her notebook down in her lap. That sigh? That wasnât just impatience. That was because she saw him. âRafe, We are really busy. Is this important?âÂ
His fatherâs voice finally echoed through the room, forcing Rafe to take a steadying breath.Â
He didnât even look up.Â
Rafeâs jaw clenched. How had this become a routine? Every conversation started with "Is this really important?" As if heâd ever show up here for something trivial.Â
Not that it mattered.Â
If he had a problem, they wouldnât fix it. Unless it was financial, of course. Because the only thing they truly understood was money.Â
Even if it was their own son.Â
âIt is.â Rafeâs voice came out sharp, like a blade.Â
That, at last, got Ward to look up. Though there wasnât a shred of interest in his eyes. He exhaled slowly. âIs this about business? What happened?âÂ
Of course.Â
If Ward Cameron cared, it had to be about money or the company.Â
Rafe used to be hurt by that. Used to get angry. But by now, he was used to being invisibleâto being treated like something disposable, something to be brushed aside.Â
Didnât mean it didnât piss him off.Â
His brows drew together. âNoââÂ
Rose sighed dramatically, cutting him off. âRafe, if this isnât urgent, your father and I are in the middle of something.âÂ
Oh, of course.Â
Business.Â
Rafe was interrupting the sacred Cameron work schedule. Couldnât possibly be anything more important than that.Â
He let out a humorless breath, lifting his brows as his eyes locked onto Rose.Â
Sometimes, he swore she was messing with him. The only time he ever set foot in this house was when he had a damn reason. He hadnât been here in months, and yet, the second he arrived, it was like he was an inconvenience.Â
It was almost easy to forget when he wasnât around them for a while.Â
Almost.Â
âRose,â he said slowly, voice edged with irritation, âif it wasnât important, do you think Iâd drop everything and come straight here?âÂ
She looked like she was about to respond, but Ward held up a hand, signaling her to stop. Finally, his father actually looked at him. âAlright. Iâm listening.âÂ
About damn time.Â
Rafe tried to steady his breathing. This wasnât easy to say. But putting it off wouldnât make it any easier. He just wanted to get it over with.Â
âIâm not gonna lieâthis isnât easy for meââÂ
âOh my God.â Rose cut him off again, exasperation dripping from her voice.Â
Rafeâs eyes squeezed shut for a second.Â
Her voice cracked through the room like a whip. Then, in th next breath, she turned to Ward, her face sharp with disappointment. âI told* you. And you didnât listen. Heâs back on drugs.âÂ
Rafeâs breath caught. What?Â
His head shook quickly, side to side.
Thatâs what she jumped to? Thatâs where her mind immediately went? After everythingâafter clawing his way out of it, after fighting to prove himselfâthis was still the first assumption?Â
Ward let out a slow breath.Â
Disappointment.Â
That was the only thing on his face. His eyes shut for a moment, fingers pushing his laptop slightly away.Â
Rafeâs teeth clenched so hard his jaw ached.Â
He hated their assumptions. He hated this family.Â
âIâve been clean for three years.â The words ground out between his teeth.Â
âAnd you know that.â He exhaled sharply.Â
Ward shook his head from side to side before turning to Rose. âRose, please.â Like even having this conversation was a waste of time.Â
Rafe clenched his fists. There was no point in dragging this out. The longer he stalled, the weaker heâd look. So he just said it. Even though it wasnât easy, the words slipped out as if they were. âI have a daughter.âÂ
Silence.Â
Nothing happened at first.Â
But then, the cold, emotionless mask on Ward Cameronâs face crackedâfast. Rafe knew how rarely his father was caught off guard. Ward Cameron was always in control. Nothing ever truly rattled him.Â
But this did.Â
Ward locked eyes with his son. âWhat did you just say?â There was real surprise in his voice. He wasnât angry yetâhe was still in shock. Of course he was.Â
Rafe pushed forward, fast. Because if he stopped, if Ward got a word in first, this conversation would be over before it even began. His father would rip him to shreds before he got the chance to explain. So Rafe took his shot.Â
âYou remember my ex girlfriend. She was pregnant before she left the island. And before you start yelling, Dadâshe didnât tell me. Well, she did. But Iââ he exhaled sharply, âI did things I regret. And she left. Didnât tell me where she was going. And now sheâs back in the Outer BanksââÂ
BAM!Â
Ward slammed his fist against the table. Even Rose jumped at the sudden outburst, but Rafe only shut his eyes for a moment. Of course, his father wasnât going to take this news and wrap it up in a nice little bow. He wasnât going to pull him in for a hug and celebrate.Â
âWhat the fuck are you talking about?!â Wardâs voice boomed through the house, echoing so loudly it almost sounded like it came from another room.Â
Rose rolled her eyes, letting out a dry, sarcastic laugh. âJesusâare you actually determined to embarrass us in front of the entire island?âÂ
Rafeâs eyes narrowed. His face remained unreadable. His father yelling at him wasnât surprising. Heâd expected nothing else.Â
But then Ward twisted the knife. âHow hard was it to get rid of a baby?!âÂ
Rafe froze.Â
For a moment, all he could hear was his own breathing. His chest tightened. His fists clenched even harder. He didnât even know what to say.Â
The words had left his fatherâs mouth so effortlessly, like it was that simple. Like it had ever been his decision to make.Â
âShe didnât want to.âÂ
Didnât want to. You didnât want to. You and him disagreed, and this is what happened. What the hell else was he supposed to do? Force you?Â
He would never do that.Â
Ward ground his teeth, stepping closer. His face twisted with a fury that wouldâve terrified most people. But Ward was his father. Rafe had grown up with that look.Â
âAnd you just accepted it?! Like some weak little coward?!âÂ
The air in the room turned suffocating.Â
The sharp rage in Ward Cameronâs eyes sliced through the room like a blade. His glare was the same as it had always beenâdecades of disappointment staring right back at him. And if there had been even the smallest shred of hope left in his father, Rafe was watching it disappear in real time.Â
But he didnât look away. He wasnât a kid anymore.Â
âWhat the hell was I supposed to do, Dad?â His voice was steady, firmâbut underneath, there was a rage that had been building for years. A rage he had buried, silenced, ignored. And now, it was boiling over. âDrag her by the arm and force her into a clinic?âÂ
His fingers curled tighter at the thought. The very idea made his stomach churn.Â
Forcing you to go to a clinic. Seeing the hatred in your eyes. Doing something youâd never forgive him for.Â
The thought made him sick.Â
Not to mention, you wouldnât have let him. If heâd even tried, you wouldâve fought him off, and he wouldnât put it past you to run him over with a car right after.Â
âYouâre forgetting something,â Rafe said, without hesitation. âShe is the woman Iâm in love.âÂ
Love.Â
When was the last time heâd actually said that out loud? He could barely remember. For years, he had barely spoken about you to anyone. But now, standing in front of his father, he didnât waver.Â
Saying it felt strange. Almost foreign.Â
Ward let out a slow breath, shaking his head. His eyes held a cold, almost amused expression. He didnât even care that his son was standing his ground. To him, Rafe was still that same pathetic little kid. Still nothing.Â
âHow do you still manage to surprise me?â Ward said, tilting his head slightly. âYou keep making the dumbest goddamn choicesâdo you have any idea how exhausting it is to clean up your messes?âÂ
Clean up.Â
Rafeâs jaw tightened. His father had never seen him as a person. Just a problem to fix. A mess that needed to be dealt with. And Ward Cameronâs number one priority in life was making sure nothing stained his perfect little world.Â
But this time, Rafe wasnât going to let him erase this. This wasnât a problem. And he hadnât come here for his father to handle it.Â
âDadââ Rafe started, but Ward cut him off.Â
âShut up!â Wardâs voice snapped through the air like a whip.Â
Rafe lifted his head. His father was closer now, his face twisted with anger. And in his eyes, just beneath the surface, there was that familiar flicker of something more dangerousâsomething Rafe had known since childhood.Â
But he wasnât afraid anymore.Â
Wardâs voice dropped, turning cold. âWhatâs her name?âÂ
Rafe hesitated. He hadnât expected him to ask that. He had expected more yelling, more insults, more dismissals. But thisâthis was calculated.Â
This meant she wasnât even a person to him. She was a number. A problem to eliminate.Â
Rafe swallowed. He didnât want to tell him.Â
âDad, listenââ he tried again.Â
But Wardâs voice cut through the room, even sharper.
âI asked for a name, Rafe.â His voice carried an impatient growl. It was a warning. A threat. His father saw his silence as defiance.Â
Rafe narrowed his eyes, straightening his posture just enough to show he wasnât the obedient son he used to be. But he exhaled slowly, keeping his tone measuredâno need to set fire to the whole house just yet.Â
âLiliana.â He came here to say it. To stop holding back. To stop hiding it.Â
Ward nodded, considering it for a few seconds. Then, with that same ice-cold tone, he asked, âDoes she carry the family name?âÂ
Rafeâs breath hitched. He knew exactly why that mattered. The name was ownership.Â
And Liliana⊠she didnât have his last name.Â
âNo.âÂ
Wardâs eyes narrowed. âDoes she want it?âÂ
For the first time, Rafe genuinely hesitated.Â
He didnât know.Â
They had never talked about it. That wasnât his decision to make. Giving Liliana his last nameâclaiming her in that wayâwasnât something he could just decide on a whim. It wasnât his right. Hell, she barely even knew him yet.Â
So, he couldnât lie.Â
âIâI donât know.âÂ
Ward exhaled sharply, shaking his head in instant disapproval. The look in his eyes was disgust.Â
âI canât believe Iâm still cleaning up after you like youâre a goddamn child.â Then, just as fast, he turned to Rose. A plan was already forming in his eyes. âRose.â His voice was crisp, final. âSort it out. Write a check to the mother. Whatever it takesâletâs put an end to this nonsense.âÂ
Rafeâs eyes widened. His breath quickened. Just hearing it made his stomach churn. âThe hell are you talking about?!â He stepped forward, gaze locked on his father. âThatâs not why I came here.âÂ
Ward raised an eyebrow, as if truly surprised. âExcuse me?â His voice dripped with condescension, like he was warning Rafe to watch his next words carefully.Â
Rose looked at Rafe now. The only thing in her eyes was disappointment.Â
Rafe shook his head, hands running through his hair in frustration. âI didnât come here so you could write a damn check.âÂ
He really didnât get it. His father still thought money could fix everything.Â
Buy out his mistakes. Sweep them under the rug.Â
But this wasnât a mistake. Liliana wasnât a mistake.Â
âAnd what other possible reason could you have for being here?â Ward asked, voice sharp.Â
Rafe met his fatherâs gaze, unwavering. And then, with steady defiance, he answered. âIâm going to meet her.âÂ
A silence settled in the room.Â
Rafe didnât flinch. Didnât back down. âIâm going to be her father. Iâll be there for her andââÂ
Ward scoffed, shaking his head in mock amusement before letting out a bitter laugh. âOh, fuck off.â It was dismissal. Pure and simple.Â
Rose sighed, her voice soft, coaxing. âRafe⊠youâre not thinking this through. Do you realize what this could do to us? To the company? Sheâs an illegitimate child.âÂ
Something inside Rafe cracked.Â
Ward let out an irritated breath. He turned to Rose with a sharp, almost amused glare. âOh, look at you. Talking to him like he has the capacity to understand.â His jaw clenched. âIf he had a shred of intelligence, he wouldnât be in this situation to begin with.âÂ
âThatâs enough.â Rafe shot back instantly, voice firmâbut before he could continue, his father cut him off.Â
âNo, whatâs enough is you.â Ward stepped forward, eyes dark and menacing. âNone of what you just said is happening. Do you understand me? None of it.âÂ
But Rafe didnât lower his gaze. For the first time in his life, he felt like he had fully stepped out of his fatherâs shadow.Â
This wasnât his decision to make. Liliana wasnât his to control.Â
Rafe is her father. And when it came to herâany decisions, any choicesâhe would be the one making them. Not Ward.Â
âYou donât hold my leash anymore. Not now. Not ever.â His voice was low, steady, unwavering.Â
If there was any decision to be made about Liliana, it would be his. Not this manâs.Â
To hell with his reputation.Â
âIâm telling you because I gave my word.âÂ
Wardâs eyes darkened. He stepped closer, tension crackling between them like a live wire. âIf this damages our reputation in any wayââÂ
Rafe didnât even let him finish. His voice was deadly quiet. âIf you ever try to threaten them againââ He held his fatherâs gaze, his own filled with something darker, sharper. âThatâs when things will really get messy, Dad.âÂ
Ward exhaled harshly. A dry, humorless chuckle escaped his lips. He stared at Rafe with pure disdain. That lookâthe one that told him he was a disappointmentâwasnât new. And it wouldnât be the last time.Â
âYou,â Ward muttered, voice dripping with disgust. âYou are my biggest regret.âÂ
Rafe smiled. It wasnât a smirk of victory. It wasnât smug satisfaction. It was quieter. Smaller. Like something had finally settled inside him. Like years of resentment had finally burned away into something else. Indifference. No expectations. No fear.Â
Just the cold, quiet certainty that he no longer cared.Â
"Pathetic." His voice was quiet, but sharp. The weight of that single word settled into the room like a heavy fog. When Rafe looked at his fatherâs face, he realized he didnât even care whether the regret in his voice was genuine. It didnât matter. Ward Cameron could regret, he could hate, he could burn with rage or act as if he couldnât care less. But none of it reached Rafe anymore.Â
"But that regret isn't strong enough to erase my existence. I, however, am." He stepped forward, closing the already narrow space between them.Â
There was no fear in his expression. No anger, either. Just something resolute, something unwavering. And in Rafeâs eyes, there was something Ward had never been accustomed to seeingâperhaps something he had never wanted to see. Confidence.Â
Ward lifted his chin slightly, his face as hard as stone. The man who had spent years speaking with sharp authority and smug indifference was now standing in front of a son who refused to cower, his brows furrowed as he tried to suppress his irritation. But it was there. The frustration seethed just beneath his controlled exterior, slipping through the cracks in his composure.Â
"I'm the one who put you in charge of the company, Rafe," Ward said, his voice slicing through the air like a blade. "I can just as easily take it away."Â
Rafe let out a breath of amusementâlow, dismissive. He tilted his head just slightly, studying his father with something akin to pity.Â
How many times had he heard that exact threat? How many times had he believed it?Â
He remembered the panic it used to stir in him, the way it used to feel like a noose tightening around his neck. Back then, he had thought his father could destroy him, wipe him from existence with a snap of his fingers. But now?Â
Now, he only smiled.Â
"Not while I own shares."Â
His voice was calm. Unshaken. There was no challenge in his tone, no outburst of defianceâjust a simple, immovable fact.Â
Wardâs frown deepened, as if trying to comprehend the shift. As if only now realizing that Rafe wasnât just arguing with himâhe was drawing a line in the sand. A real one.Â
"I'm telling you this," Rafe said, his voice firm. "Not asking for your permission." The air in the room seemed to drop a few degrees. "I have a daughter."Â
A barely perceptible flicker crossed Wardâs expression, but he said nothing.Â
Rafe, however, felt something tighten in his throat the second the words left his mouth. Saying it out loudâespecially to his fatherâmade it real in a way he hadnât fully prepared for. It made it final. There was no taking it back. And once that truth had been spoken into existence, he knew nothing would ever be the same again.Â
But he wouldn't take it back.Â
"And I wonât ignore her," Rafe continued, swallowing hard but refusing to waver. His voice, steady and sure, sliced through the heavy silence.Â
Ward inhaled deeply. He didn't break eye contact, but the tension in his jaw gave him away.Â
"Iâm not you," Rafe added. His voice didnât rise, didnât falter. He just stated it as it was. "Thatâs the difference between us."Â
Wardâs expression went completely cold. The anger was there, of courseâbut beneath it, beneath the hard lines of his face, was something else. A realization. The unmistakable recognition that he had lost control of his son. Completely.Â
Finally, Ward clenched his jaw and spoke, voice razor-sharp. "Get out."Â
The words hung in the air, less of a command and more of a curse. A punctuation mark to a conversation that had just rewritten the rules between them.Â
Rafe tilted his head slightly, let his gaze linger on his father for just a second longer. Then, without losing that faint, knowing smile, he answered.Â
"Gladly."Â
And without looking back, he walked out the door.
That was never the point. Not from the start.Â
It wasnât the fights or the way things kept spiraling between them. No matter how much of a mess things became, it had never been about that.Â
He couldnât react properly. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him, but JJ just... didn't know what to do. Not once in his life had he dealt with something like this. This was a first.Â
Catching feelings for his best friend.Â
He had no idea how to handle it. Every time he tried to fix things, that stupid part of him kicked in and somehow made everything worse. Even when he just wanted to sit down and talk things out, it always turned into a disaster. And he knewâhe fucking knewâthat it was all on him.Â
He just couldnât do it. It was too much. His mind felt like it was playing tricks on him, like he couldnât think straight. Every time he so much as thought about you and that idiot, his entire perspective shifted.Â
But deep down, he knew that wasnât the real fear.Â
JJ had been with you for five years. Every single day. Under the same roof, in the same home. You cooked together, you ate togetherâyou raised a child together.Â
He got used to you. So used to your presence that he couldnât function without it. And it wasnât just about getting used to you. You became a part of his life. The missing piece that finally clicked into place. You werenât just thereâyou were whole. You, JJ, and Liliana.Â
And he was terrified of losing you. Of losing Liliana, of watching her warm up to Rafe and realizing she didnât need JJ anymore. Of seeing that look in your eyes againâthe one you used to have at parties five years ago when you looked at Rafe like he was your entire world.Â
Because he remembered.Â
JJ remembered what you and Rafe had been like. The way you looked at each other, the way you kissed. Back then, it hadnât even registered to him. But the closer he got to you, the clearer those memories became.Â
And he hated remembering every single one of them.Â
Because you loved him. You loved Rafe. And there wasnât a single soul on that island who didnât know it. Not just you. No matter how much he wanted to pretend otherwise, Rafe loved you too.Â
That was the scary part. If it had happened once, it could happen again. You had felt that way beforeâwhat was stopping you from feeling it again?Â
In Asheville, it had been just you, Liliana, and JJ.Â
But ever since you came back here, JJ felt like he was losing his mind.Â
Ever since you kissed him, he hadnât been able to focus. He was getting lost in you. Every second that he didnât tell you, it ate away at himâbut he just couldnât say it.Â
You were air, and he needed to breathe.Â
You were water, and he was parched.Â
JJ needed you to survive, but he was so fucking stupid.Â
He always had been. Always. His entire life. But for the past five years, he mustâve been extra stupid.Â
How the hell did someone mistake being in love with their best friend for something else?Â
How was he supposed to see you as just a friend when he could barely breathe without you? You werenât just his best friend. You were his closest person. His safest place. But to JJ, you were something more. You had been for years. You were the woman he loved and his best friend all in one.Â
And he was so fucking blind. So unbelievably stupid.Â
It didnât sit right with him. Loving you felt wrong somehow. Like he wasâwhat? Taking advantage of you? But he wasnât.Â
All JJ ever wanted was for you to be at peace. And yet, he was the one messing with that peace.Â
He had been such an emotionally stunted idiot that he practically turned himself into a fucking rock just to avoid admitting his feelings. And the second he stepped out of that house, he regretted it. But what the hell was he even supposed to say?Â
âYou kissed me. It felt weird because, actually, Iâm in love with you, and you definitely only see me as your best friend. So instead of telling you, Iâm just running away from you?â
Maybe.Â
Well, yeah. Maybe that was exactly it.Â
Shit.Â
Of course, he shouldâve talked to you. It was just really fucking hard.Â
He was scared of losing you. Not just to Rafeâbut of losing what you had altogether.Â
When he walked out of that house that night, he wasnât thinking. He had no plan, no idea where he was even going. It wasnât like he had meant to stay away for three days. He just... didn't know how to talk to you.Â
âYouâre the dumbest man Iâve ever met. You know that, right?âÂ
JJ lowered his head as Cleo grabbed his beer and stood up. He didnât look at her.Â
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pope clear his throat and shoot Cleo a warning look. He didnât need Pope to warn her. JJ was already painfully aware of everything.Â
âAnd a coward.â Cleo scoffed. âDonât look at me like that, Pope. If thereâs someone who needs to hear it, itâs JJ. Heâs our friend too. And I think he deserves better than being a pathetic idiot who canât admit his feelings.âÂ
She turned to walk off the porch without looking back.Â
JJ lifted his head, about to argue, but Cleo was already goneâlike a storm passing through before you even had the chance to take cover.Â
And the worst part?Â
She was right. He hadnât said a single damn thing about his feelings. Not a single word about what was going on in his head.Â
And yet, she knew. Of course, she did.Â
Because this?Â
This was exactly the kind of shit a coward would do.
âDonât mind Cleo. You know she just wants the best for both of you.â Pope placed a reassuring hand on JJâs back, giving it a small pat. JJâs shoulders slumped.Â
He shook his head. He didnât think he deserved any sympathy. âCleoâs right. Iâm justâa fucking idiot. Thatâs what this is.âÂ
His phone buzzed on the table, the notification lighting up the screen. But when JJ glanced at it, the message wasnât what caught his attention. It was the wallpaper. The one photo he could never bring himself to change. You and Liliana.Â
âEven when it comes to feelings?â Popeâs voice reached him, but honestly, JJ just wanted to keep looking at the photo for a little longer. He couldnât take his eyes off of you and Liliana.Â
The way you were smiling at the cameraâit almost made his lips twitch into a smile, too. You were happy. Just like before you came back here.Â
âYes.â The word slipped out before he could stop it. He didnât even try to. Maybe because, for once, he wanted to stop lying about this. To himself, to anyone. What was the point?Â
âYou know thatâs not wrong, rightââÂ
JJ was already shaking his head before Pope could finish. But Pope straightened up, refusing to let it go.Â
âCleo and I were best friends. Sarah and John B were best friends. Thereâs nothing wrong withââÂ
âItâs not the same.â JJ shook his head harder this time. There was a scream inside him, clawing to get out. At who, at what, he didnât know. He just wanted to let it out. When Pope opened his mouth to argue again, JJ turned to him sharply.Â
âIâve lived with her for five years, you guys caught feelings in a few months. I never once looked at her that way. Never once even had the thought ofâof touching her cross my mind. Theyâre my family.â JJâs lips pressed into a hard line. The tip of his nose stung.Â
When no one else was there, you were. And when you had no one else, he was there. You chose each other. You werenât just friends. You werenât just people who happened to live together. You were a family. You were built for this. JJâs family was never his father. And sure, for a long time, his family had been the Pogues, but the bond he built with youâsomewhere along the way, that changed everything.Â
âSo donât stand there and tell me this isnât wrong. I wasnât born yesterday. Iâve never had a real familyânot in the way I should have. No offense. And now that I do, Iâm not about to lose it just because of a few stupid feelings.â JJ clenched his fists, trying to keep his frustration in check. He wasnât mad at Pope. He was mad at himself.Â
Popeâs eyebrows lifted slightly. He leaned in closer, resting his arms on the table. âJust so you knowâyouâre not gonna lose them. But if you do, itâs not gonna be because of your âfew stupid feelings.â Itâs gonna be because youâre acting like a blind idiot.âÂ
Pope tapped on JJâs phone screen, making it light up again. Your and Lilianaâs picture glowed in the dim light of the porch. âIf you donât wanna lose them, then stop acting like you do. Because youâve been here for two fucking daysâand hey, I donât mind, youâre always welcome. But every day you stay here instead of going home is another step closer to losing them. Open your eyes.âÂ
JJ looked up, locking eyes with his friend. Popeâs expression was unreadable, but his voice left no room for argument.Â
JJ swallowed hard. He had nothing to say. Not because he didnât want to. But because he didnât know how to.Â
Even with how much of a goddamn idiot heâd been these past few days, he had no idea how to fix any of this.Â
His gaze flickered back toward the house heâd left behind.Â
Funny, how leaving could become a habit. This was the second time heâd walked out of that house after a fight. Again, both of you ended up hurt. Again, neither of you deserved it.Â
His fingers curled into fists at Popeâs words echoing in his head. Of course he was right. Everyone was right these daysâeveryone but JJ. Pope was always right. Always the one with the advice, always the one who never seemed to screw up.Â
JJ wished he could be like that. Maybe if he had even a little bit of Popeâs level-headedness, he wouldnât have made half the mistakes he had. He didnât regret his past mistakesânot really. They made him who he was.Â
But the mistakes he made after meeting you? He regretted every single one.Â
And this latest one? The biggest one?Â
Kissing you.Â
Again.Â
One week later, heâd kissed you again. And not once did it feel wrong. It felt complete.Â
But it shouldnât have been like that. Not after a fight. Not out of anger, not out of frustration. If he was ever going to kiss you, it shouldâve been because he told you how he felt. Because you wanted him to. Because you felt the same way.Â
His hands were trembling. He looked down at them, sucking in a shaky breath.
Leaving the house had been a mistakeâjust like every word that had ever come out of his mouth.Â
When his gaze lifted from the ground and met the door once again, the weight of everything inside him became unbearable. He wasn't going to let this happen again.Â
He took quick steps toward the door, retracing the path he'd just walked. He wasnât leaving this house again. He wasnât leaving you and Liliana again. This wasnât just hurting himâit was hurting you too. Not again.Â
He swung the door open and stepped inside. He knew the way by heart.Â
And when he reached the kitchen, he saw you again.Â
Your hands were gripping the edge of the counter so tightly it looked like you needed it to stay upright. If you let go, youâd collapse. You looked so fragileâlike youâd shatter the second you lost your hold. And when he saw the silent tears slipping between your tightly shut eyelids, JJâs heart clenched in his chest.Â
Your lips were pressed together, trembling slightly. It was like you were trying to keep any sound from escaping, crying in the quietest way possible.Â
JJâs breath caught in his throat. He knew heâd let you down in every possible way, but seeing you like this? It felt like someone had poured boiling water down his spine.Â
He wanted to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to do anythingâeverythingâto make you forgive him. Fuck loveâhe didnât care about love anymore. If staying by your side as a friend for the rest of his life meant youâd never have to cry again, heâd take it. If letting Rafe back into your life meant youâd be happy, heâd accept it.Â
Just so youâd smile again. Just so youâd never cry because of him again.Â
He took a step forward without thinking, but the second the wooden floor creaked beneath his foot, your eyes fluttered open. One of your hands lifted from the counter, moving toward your face as your gaze locked with his.Â
JJâs mind blanked the second he saw your tear-streaked, flushed face. Every thought, every word he had lined up in his head vanished in an instant. That was the effect you had on himâyour gaze, your presence, your touch. Everything else faded away.Â
You were the only thing that was real. The only thing that stayed white in a world drowning in black. And no matter what anyone said, no matter how much darkness tried to creep in, that wouldnât change. You were untouchable.Â
Then your lips curledânot into a smile, but something bitter, something that twisted a knife in his chest. "What is it now? Thinking of some other words to tear me apart?"Â
Your voice shook. Because of him. Because he had made you cry.Â
JJ nearly dropped his head in shame. He never should've left. Not again. "No," he murmured, barely above a whisper. His head shook on its own, as if trying to erase every mistake, every word that had brought you to this moment. If he could take it all back, he would.Â
But he couldnât.Â
So he stood there, waiting for a miracleâknowing damn well miracles didnât exist.Â
He had to let it go. Every ounce of anger, every bit of resentment. He had to let it all go.Â
You had to know the truth.Â
âNo?â A hollow laugh slipped through your lips, your arms wrapping tightly around yourself. Your head dropped for a second, but when you lifted it again, the brief moment of humor was gone. Your face twisted with nothing but fury. âNo? Are you fucking kidding me? Then why are you still here?âÂ
You stormed forward, shoving him in the chest. JJ stumbled back. And you did the same, like you had to put as much distance between you as possible.Â
JJ didnât know what to do.Â
He couldnât lose you. He couldnât lose Liliana. He couldnât.Â
âIââÂ
âYou what? What the hell are you gonna say this time? First, you come home and ruin my entire mood! You pick a fight with me, and thenâand thenââ Your voice cracked, but it didnât stop you. It only made your anger burn hotter. You ran your hands through your hair, pacing in the kitchen like you had no idea what to do with yourself.Â
âI didnât know what to doâIâm sorry. I messed upââ JJ tried, but you didnât let him finish.Â
âOh, fuck off! Messed up?! Who the hell do you think youâre fooling? You think this is some tiny little mistake? A fight we can just get over, just brush under the rug?â You stepped back, leaning against the counter as your eyes burned holes into him.Â
JJ wanted to say something, anything, but he just clenched his jaw.Â
The tears on your face were still fresh. Your eyes were red, raw, and swollen. And knowing that he was the reason for it? That he was the one who had broken you like this? It was disgusting.Â
He hadnât realized it would go this far. He hadnât realized he could hurt you this much.Â
A dry, humorless laugh escaped your lips, and JJ inhaled sharply. He stood there, listening, because he knew you needed to let it out.Â
âAnd the worst part? Youâre not even apologizing for any of that,â you spat, voice dripping with venom. âNot for the fights. Not for the last week of absolute hell. Not for all the shit you put me through. No. Youâre apologizing becauseâbecause you kissed me? Thatâs whatâs too much for you?âÂ
JJ shook his head frantically, wanting to cut in, to explain himself, but you didnât give him the chance.Â
âThatâs your fucking line?â you yelled. âThatâs the thing that crossed the line for you?! Not hurting me, not leaving Liliana waiting for you every damn day, but that? Kissing me?âÂ
Your voice was so loud it felt like it shook the whole house.Â
JJ knew he had no right to be concerned, but he was. He wanted to tell you to breathe, to calm downâbut he didnât. He just looked at you. He accepted every word.Â
âNoââÂ
âWhat the hell is wrong with you?!â you screamed. Your hands moved as if you were going to grab him, but at the last second, you stopped yourself, pulling back like even touching him was a mistake.
JJ⊠he just accepted your anger. If anything, he preferred you lashing out at him rather than enduring silence.Â
"I'm sorry for everything. Justâ not for the kiss." JJ's voice came out hoarse. Your back was turned to him. He watched your whole body tremble. Even as you clung tightly to the counter, you didnât look okay.Â
You were shaking. Crying. But it was so silent that if the house werenât dead quiet, JJ wouldnât have heard a thing.Â
He took a step forward and reached out a hand. But before he could touch you, you wiped your tears away and turned. JJ immediately took a step back.Â
"Why⊠What did I do to you?" Watching the tears slowly roll down your cheeks was hard. JJ averted his gaze. The heaviness in his chestâhis guiltâwas suffocating. And he knew it.Â
Your tears were for him. Because of him.Â
You were hurting. Because of him.Â
JJ opened his mouth, but not a single sound came out. The man who had been shouting just moments ago had gone completely quiet.Â
"Leave..." Your voice was so weak that JJ's heart stuttered. He shook his head instantly, firm in his stance.Â
"Not this time." His voice was steady, resoluteâjust like him. He wasnât leaving. He wasnât running away.Â
And finally, it happened. Your fists landed against his chest. But it was weak. Like you had no strength left in you. JJ stumbled back a little but held his ground.Â
"You had no problem leaving the last two times, so why not go againâ" JJ couldnât even look at your face. Every weak punch against his chest dug into his soul.Â
No, it didnât hurt. It was you who was hitting him. Even if he wanted it to hurt, it wouldnât.Â
"Get out!" The moment you screamed in his face, JJâs eyes squeezed shut. Somewhere deep inside, maybe he knew he should leave. But he wasnât going to.Â
Even if you wanted him gone, even if you hit him to make him leave, he wouldnât budge an inch. Not until you gave him a real explanation.Â
"I'm not going." He shook his head, your fists still pressing against his chest.Â
"You are! Youâre going to get the hell out! Andâ And youâre going to take your stuff with youâ" Your punches stopped. You turned away, heading toward the stairs, but JJ moved fast, grabbing your wrists.Â
"I donât want to leave." He spoke while looking straight into your eyes, as if trying to show you how serious he was. But you? You werenât having it. "I donât want to do this. So pleaseâplease stop trying to push me away."Â
You struggled, trying to free your wrists, but JJ held on tight. "Youâre selfish! Selfish and a coward! You didnât even have the guts to apologize! Not even after coming home three nights late! I waited for you! Like an idiot! I waited!" Your voice was shaking. You were crying so hard it was difficult to even talk, to breathe.Â
Your eyes were squeezed shut. You werenât even looking at him. The tears wouldnât stop. "Why are you doing this to me?"Â
"Because Iâm jealous!" The words shot out of JJâs mouth, and suddenly, the only sound left in the house was your ragged sobs.Â
Your eyes were still closed. But as your crying began to slow, you slowly opened them.Â
"I lost control. The thought of losing youâof leaving LilianaâI lost everything."Â
Finally, saying it out loud, JJ felt the weight in his chest ease. Just a little. Even if he still hadnât admitted why he did it, at least acknowledging the emotions that came with it felt like a small relief.Â
But was he brave enough to tell you he loved you? He didnât know. He could lose both you and Liliana, and he wasnât the kind of man to gamble with things like that.Â
As much as he liked to play games, he would never play with you.Â
That would cross a line.Â
"So thatâs why you fucked the last two weeks of my life⊠Was it really that hard to just talk to me?" When you looked at him with tear-filled eyes, JJ swore his heart stopped for a second. He could try to change the subject, pretend it wasnât what it was, but he was so damn tired of running.Â
And you? You were tired of this game too. You didnât have the energy for it anymore. Not when you looked so exhausted standing in front of him.Â
"It was hard," he admitted without thinking. Even though a part of him told him to shut up, he didnât. He didnât want to keep silent anymore. He didnât want to keep hurting you. No, he wasnât brave enough to bring up the wedding night just yet, but he wanted to fix things.Â
Even if this was just an excuse, it was the truth. JJ was hiding things, but only because he didnât want to hurt you more than he already had.Â
"Iâm jealous. I hate that asshole. I hate that Liliana has to meet with him. The thought of you looking at him the way you used to look at meâit drives me insane. I hate that you might believe himâ"Â
You shook your head. You tried once more to pull your wrists free. "You never really knew me, did you? Not at all."Â
"I didnât think⊠I justâ I couldnât do it. Thinking about the two of youâit messes with my head." JJâs eyes searched yours. He just wanted you to understand. Even if you didnât forgive him, he just wanted you to understand.Â
"Is that why you kissed me?" You sniffled. Until now, you hadnât even realized how close you were. Barely a breath apart, his hands still wrapped around your wrists, holding them close to his chest.Â
"No." JJ blurted it out so fast. Like he wasnât even thinking. Like the confidence in his voice from earlier had completely vanished.Â
"Then why?"Â
Your tears had dried up. You were looking deep into his eyes, searching for answers. Even though there were so many things you wanted him to explain, you couldn't erase the feelings he had stirred in you.Â
"Because I wanted to."Â
"Thatâs it? You just felt like it in the moment andâ"Â
Before you could finish, JJ slowly let go of your wrists. He hopedâreally hopedâyou wouldnât start hitting his chest again. But he didnât move an inch from where he stood.Â
"It wasnât just a feeling. I wanted it."Â
Your eyes narrowed. It still felt like he was toying with you. Like heâd walk away againâjust like he always did.Â
"So, what? Do you just kiss people whenever you feel like it?" You wiped the last of your drying tears from your cheeks, keeping your stance firm.Â
As much as his excuse didnât justify the hell heâd put you through for the past week, you wanted to trust that he wouldnât leave again. You wanted to believe him.Â
"No." JJ shook his head, his voice steady.Â
Your brows raised slightly. You sniffled.Â
"I havenât kissed anyone in two years. No one but you."Â
Saying it out loud wasnât easy. Maybe your only kiss should have stayed in the pastâon your wedding night. Maybe there shouldnât have been another.Â
And yet, here he was, still feeling the ghost of your lips against his. He had come back to apologize, to explain himselfâbut somehow, he had completely forgotten that the two of you would have to talk about the kiss.Â
Of course, you were going to talk about it.Â
JJ had kissed you.Â
And now, as you stood there in front of him, lips still swollen, he had to force himself to look at anything but your mouth. He focused on you. Only you.Â
On this conversation, on every single word you said.Â
He wouldnât interrupt you again. He wouldnât disrespect you again.Â
Today, you were going to talk.Â
"How am I supposed to forgive you?"Â
The words stung. Because the truth was, JJ didnât know.Â
Not only did he not know how you could forgive himâhe didnât even know how to explain himself.Â
What if it had been the other way around?Â
If you had done this to him, how would he have forgiven you? What could you have said to make him move past it?Â
There was a sharp pain in the center of his chest. Like a knife had been lodged there.Â
If falling to his knees and begging for forgiveness would fix this, he would have done it in a heartbeat.Â
But he wouldnât lie to you.Â
"I donât know." His voice was barely above a whisper. He exhaled sharply, head dropping forward.Â
"I donât know either."Â
Your voice was hoarse, but you didnât look away. You kept your eyes on him. Your lips trembled slightly downward.Â
"Iâll wait." JJ spoke carefully, watching your reaction. "Iâm not leaving, but Iâll wait⊠If you let me."Â
His words wavered, like he was trying to gauge your response even as he spoke them.Â
You said nothing.Â
That wasnât the reaction he had expected, and honestly, your silence was worse than anything else you couldâve said.Â
Not knowing what to do, he took a step closer.Â
He felt helplessâbecause he was.Â
Pope had been right about everything. JJ was so afraid of losing you that he had been the one pushing you away all along.Â
He wanted to take back every fight, every argument. He regretted hurting you more than anything, but the anger inside him still hadnât disappeared.Â
Even now, a part of him still burned with jealousy over Rafe.Â
But this time, he wasnât going to let that anger hurt you again.Â
Not again.Â
Fixing this wasnât going to be easy.Â
JJ took another quick step forward, his movements deliberate.Â
This time, he was asking for permission to stay.Â
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly.Â
"If you donât want me here, I get it. But I canâtâI canât do this without you. Without Liliana." His voice was almost emotionless, but deep down, he was hoping youâd accept it. Even though he was technically leaving the choice to you, he was desperate for you to say yes.Â
He stood still, waiting.Â
The occasional sniffle was the only remaining sign of your crying, aside from your red-rimmed eyes.Â
JJ replayed your voice in his head, remembering the moment you told him to leave. The longer you stayed silent now, the longer time stretched on.Â
It probably hadnât been that longâmaybe just a few seconds. But for JJ, it felt endless.Â
Every second you didnât answer, his heart pounded harder.Â
He used to be so sure of you. Before all this, he wouldâve known exactly what your response would be.Â
But now? Now, he had no clue.Â
You werenât the kind of people who fought like this. Sure, you bickered sometimes, but it never lasted more than a few minutes. And then things would go back to normal.Â
This was different.Â
This was your first real fight.Â
Okay, maybe the third. But since they had all been about the same thing, it felt like the first.Â
JJ tried to keep his gaze on you, but you wouldnât meet his eyes.Â
Your lips parted slightlyâthen closed again.Â
He could tell you were struggling to make a decision.Â
And that terrified him.Â
You could tell him to stay.Â
But you could just as easily tell him to leave.Â
Finally, you lifted your gaze, sniffling once more before clearing your throat. You took a deep breath.Â
It almost felt like you were dragging it out just to make him suffer. And it was working.Â
JJ was dying inside waiting for your answer.Â
Straightening your posture, you spoke.Â
"If you walk out that door one more time⊠thereâs no coming back. You need to know that."
His words were like drinking ice-cold water on a scorching day or stepping into warmth after being out in the coldârefreshing, comforting. It felt like a weight had been lifted off JJâs shoulders.Â
He straightened up quickly, a small smirk tugging at his lips. This was something. You hadnât outright said you forgave him, but this was still a step forward. Maybe it was even a step toward him.Â
JJ found himself nodding almost too eagerly.Â
Before you could change your mind or take back your words, he blurted out, "I wonât." The words were rushed, almost tumbling over themselves.Â
Unlike him, you simply noddedâslow, measured. You wanted him to know that you heard him, that you understood. Your hands clasped in front of you, your gaze locked onto his. And yet, you still felt like you were processing everything that had just happened.Â
Had you decided too quickly? Should you have thought this through more? Was making a decision in the heat of the moment ever the right thing to do?Â
Your eyes stayed on him as you swallowed hard.Â
You werenât sure you could forgive him just yet, but if he walked away againâŠÂ
You werenât sure youâd be able to piece yourself back together.Â
You didnât let it show, but you were relieved he had stepped back inside. Because if he had walked out that door one more time, you had no idea how you wouldâve mended the wound he had left in you.Â
"I want to trust you."Â
God, what a ridiculous sentence. Especially to say to someone who had been closer to you than anyone else ever had. Could a person really change their feelings this much in just one week?Â
But then again, JJ hadnât exactly taken anything from you and refused to give it back.Â
If he hadnât hurt you, if your heart wasnât aching like this, would you have lost your trust in him?Â
You hated that sentence. Because the truth was, you had always trusted him more than you trusted yourself.Â
Even when you had no idea what to do, he always did.Â
He completed you. And you completed him.Â
And now, you couldnât trust him.Â
You had actually said those words to him. You were actually going to try to trust him again. It felt like meeting him all over again.Â
Like being back on that stupid beach, standing there, heart ready to pour out everything you feltâyet hesitant, nervous.Â
Afraid.Â
Because you didnât know how heâd react. Because you couldnât predict his response.Â
Just like that first day.Â
And yet, even back then, you had trusted him enough to open up.Â
He hadnât been a stranger, not really. He had known about Liliana from the very beginning, hadnât he?Â
He had figured it out in the pharmacy, and then at the beach, you had told him everything.Â
Even back then, you had trusted him. Because deep down, you knew he was someone who would keep your secrets safe.Â
Even in those early days, though, he had still managed to break your trust.Â
How ironic.Â
That you had been able to spill your heart to him on a beach when you barely knew him, and nowâafter five years of being by his side every single dayâyou were struggling to believe in him.Â
"I swear I wonât break your trust again."Â
JJâs voice was steady, firm.Â
He wasnât just trying to convince youâhe was convincing himself.Â
When you realized you couldnât keep looking at him any longer, you dropped your gaze to the floor, shifting your weight slightly.Â
You simply nodded. No words. Just a quiet acknowledgment.Â
You didnât need to say anything else.Â
JJ was still JJ.Â
But your silence rattled him.Â
He cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair, restless.Â
"I know I didnât handle things right. I know I acted like an idiot, butâ" He exhaled sharply. "Iâve never dealt with something like this before. Iâve never felt like I was actually going to lose someone. And if I ever have⊠it wasnât you and Liliana."Â
As soon as the words left his mouth, he saw your head snap up.Â
Instant panic flashed through him.Â
Had he said the wrong thing?Â
That tiny bit of confidence he had mustered up while speaking vanished in an instant.Â
Once again, he was lost in the unknown, unsure of where he stood.Â
A hollow smile tugged at your lips, but it wasnât happiness.Â
You almost couldnât believe him. He was still talking about the same thing.Â
Still clinging to whatever story he had told himself, believing in it so fiercely that nothing else could get through.Â
"I never told you I loved Rafe," you said, your voice eerily calm.Â
"I never said I was going to be with him. I never even mentioned anything even remotely close to something like that. JJ, I came to you about a decision. About Lilianaâs future. As her parents, I wanted to discuss it with you."Â
You kept your tone composed. There was no need to turn this into another fight.Â
Not when JJ had practically waved a white flag.Â
Not when he, like you, was finally ready to talk.Â
JJ opened and closed his mouth, shifting uncomfortably in place. "I know, butâdoesnât him seeing Liliana mean youâll have to see him too? You know, back then, years ago⊠everyone saw the way you two looked at each otherâ"Â
He hadnât really thought the words through before saying them.Â
His eyes had drifted away from you, lost in memories from years ago.Â
But you had no patience for this conversation. Especially not when he was acting like he didnât even know you.Â
You cut him off.Â
You werenât even sure what exactly he believed anymore, but whatever it was, he was holding onto it so tightly that he refused to hear anything else.Â
"We, JJ.â
Your voice was firm.Â
You pointed between the two of you, emphasizing your words.Â
JJ inhaled deeply, eyes following your finger before slowly shifting back up to your face.Â
*"If Rafe is seeing Liliana, that means heâs seeing us. As her parents. Not just me, but you too. Youâre just as much a part of this as I am."* When you finished speaking, JJ shook his head. You let out a breath.Â
Even Liliana understood things faster than he did. She could be a handful, sureâbut at least dealing with her wasnât this exhausting.
He was so obsessed with the whole you-and-Rafe thing that, whether you wanted to or not, your mind kept drifting. Heâd admitted he was jealous, sureâbut could it really be true?Â
And it wasnât just that.Â
You cleared your throat as memories surfaced, one after the other.Â
You had kissed.Â
Right? Of course. You had kissed.Â
Blinking rapidly, you forced the thought away. Impossible. If something were going to happen, it wouldâve happened in the past five years.Â
âYouâre still going to be close to himââÂ
His words rattled around in your head, but you refused to focus on them. No way. No way. If it were true, then Rachel, Yasmin, or whatever that other girlâs name wasâhe wouldnât have dated them. He just wouldnât have.Â
Right?Â
You cut yourself off before the thought could spiral. You were convincing yourself of stupid things. Could something like that really be true?Â
You wanted to strangle him. Especially when he acted like he hadnât been by your side for years. âYou want me to trust you, but you donât trust me. Iâm not stupid. I havenât forgotten anything. Itâs all still fresh in my mindâespecially with Liliana as a constant reminder. So stop saying that. This isnât about me and Rafe. This is about Lilianaâs future.âÂ
âI never said I donât trust you.â JJ shook his head. How could he not trust you? You were the only person in this world heâd put his life in the hands of.Â
âI thought we were past this. I thought you were done treating me like an idiot. When I said I was done playing games, I wasnât bluffing.âÂ
JJ exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. Sometimes, he really had no idea what to say. Even when he tried to choose his words carefully, they still came out wrong. Like he was screwing everything up, one sentence at a time.Â
He nodded, resigned. Of course, you were right. You were always right. He was being an idiot. And all because of these ridiculous feelings that had turned him into one. He could barely even look at you. âIâm sorry. Youâre right. Iâof course, I trust you. But you donât get to choose how you feel about someone.âÂ
You let out a slow breath, taking a step closer to him. You knew exactly what you were doing, but you needed him to believe it too. Because he had already played out this entire scenario in his head, and that wasnât fair. âI could be with anyone in the world, and it still wouldnât be Rafe.âÂ
The second the words left your lips, you regretted them.Â
A lie.Â
It wasnât just Rafeâit wasnât anyone. You werenât the kind of person who could just casually talk to multiple people. The thought of being with someone you felt nothing for was disgusting. Especially when your mind was already so clearly set on one person.Â
JJ didnât respond. He just⊠went quiet.Â
And for a moment, you wondered if he was asking himself the same thingâwas he included in that "anyone"? His mind screamed the question, but he bit it back, refusing to let it slip.Â
His silence made you realize that it was finally time to talk about what had started this whole fight in the first place. Even though your argument had pushed it to the back burner, it was still important. âI need to give Rafe an answer. Weâre heading back this weekend. As much as Iâd love to keep arguing with you, I have to put Liliana first. And I know you will too.âÂ
You hated that nearly a full week of your two-week break had been wasted. You were supposed to be here for Cleoâs wedding, to enjoy your time offâand yet, all you had left was a mess of frustration and disappointment.Â
JJ slowly pulled out a chair and sat down, rubbing his nose absentmindedly. Knowing you were leaving this weekend exhausted him. You had come here to relax, but somehow, he felt even more drained than before. More miserable. Thatâs how it always was when he wasnât with you. And the worst part? He had no one to blame but himself.Â
âAre you sure this is what you want? I mean⊠Youâre her mom. You understand how she feels better than I do.âÂ
JJ spoke carefully this time. He wasnât going to make the same mistake again. He wasnât going to let the words slip outâthe words that implied he wasnât her parent. Because he had only said that out of anger.Â
JJ was Lilianaâs parent too.Â
And when he saw the faintest trace of a smile on your lips, even if it was fleeting, he knew youâd caught that. The acknowledgment. That, to him, he wasnât just some extra figure in Lilianaâs life.Â
And that tiny, barely-there smile? God, it made him ridiculously happy.Â
âSheâs not asking questions yet, but one day, she will. When she starts school, sheâll wonder why every other kid calls the man in their life âDad,â but she calls you JJ. Or Uncle.âÂ
JJ didnât hesitate. âIf she wants toâshe can call me Dad.âÂ
The words left him before he could even process them, but he meant it. Even with his mind in a million different places, even with Rafe hovering like a storm cloud in the background, he meant it. If Liliana wanted him to be that person, heâd give her the world. If she called him Dadâwell, then, heâd have the whole damn universe.Â
The thought alone filled his chest with something warm and unshakable.Â
Sure, he was happy being Uncle JJ. But⊠whatever.Â
He couldâve sworn he saw the surprise on your face. Your lips parted slightly, but you spoke quickly, like you didnât want to dwell on it. âOf course she can, but she knows youâre not her father.â You shook your head.Â
JJ didnât take offense. You had both made that decision a long time ago. You had both told her to call him Uncle. This wasnât just on youâit was on him too. So, no, he didnât argue.Â
You were right. Again. As always.Â
âDo you want this?â JJ asked, voice laced with uncertainty. âLiliana meeting Rafe?âÂ
You hesitated before shrugging. âI donât know. I guess⊠I think she deserves better.â
JJ shook his head. He hated the guy. But if he was the right choice for Lilianaâshit. He just couldnât think about this in a positive way. No matter how much he tried to get used to the idea, it wasnât working. He hated Rafe. Every time he saw his face, he wanted to throw a punch, butâhe couldnât. Not this time.Â
âDo you trust Rafe?âÂ
The moment he asked, his eyes locked onto yours, searching for any hesitation, any sign of uncertainty.Â
âFor myself? Absolutely not. For Liliana? Yes. No matter how badly things ended between us, this is her right. And besidesâI have you. And if you and Rafe had switched places, I wouldâve given you a chance to see her too.âÂ
Your voice was as firm as your stance. No room for negotiation. No hesitation.Â
JJ squeezed his eyes shut.Â
Every time he saw that man, he was going to have to keep his hands to himself. Because there was a part of himâone that had been waiting for five yearsâthat wanted nothing more than to knock him to the ground.Â
With a defeated sigh, he exhaled sharply, opening his eyes again. He could only hope he wouldnât regret this. âIf you really think this is the right thing to do, if youâre sure you wonât regret itâthen fine. I approve. Okay.âÂ
But if Rafe hurt Liliana again, JJ wouldnât hold back. Heâd make damn sure he never came near them again. He wasnât going to say that to you, though. No need to start another fight.Â
âAre you sure?â you asked one last time, curiosity laced in your voice.Â
JJ repeated the question in his head. No, he wasnât sure. Not at all. But he trusted you.Â
âYes. For Liliana.âÂ
You nodded, visibly surprised. Maybe you had expected another argument. Maybe you thought heâd start yelling. JJ wasnât sure. What he did know was that you clearly hadnât expected him to actually agree. Well, neither had he.Â
âDo you want me to text him, orâdo you want to call him yourself? I donât know how things ended when you ran into him at the beach butââÂ
JJ stood up, looking at you. He rubbed his eyes because, for some damn reason, they kept wandering to your lips. And that was getting frustrating. Andâhe was grateful you hadnât dragged out the whole kissing thing. Because he could come up with an excuse for almost anything, but that? That, he couldnât explain away.Â
âText him,â he said. âBut when he meets Liliana, I want to be there too.âÂ
Your eyes widened. Even your reaction gave him some relief.Â
âOf course, weâll both be there.âÂ
JJ smiled. He had missed thisâtalking to you like this. He couldnât exactly say youâd waved a white flag, but just being near you again was something heâd missed. Even the faint trace of your perfume in the air.Â
âOkay. And can we talk later? Iââ He hesitated. âI really missed you.âÂ
Watching you was his favorite thing to do. It always had been.Â
MASTERLIST -`âźÂŽ- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank
Summary: Kook!Readerâs world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely personâJJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.
Songs : Like him - Tyler, The Creator / Everything I wanted - Billie Eilish
previous - next
Two days ago, Cameron Estate.
Rafe knew his father was returning from his business trip today. Ward Cameron ran on a schedule as precise as a Swiss watch. The man liked every minute of his day to be planned down to the last detail. His flight time, the exact minute heâd walk through the door, even when heâd unpack his suitcase and step into the showerâit was all set in stone.Â
Once upon a time, Rafe had a set schedule for stepping into this house too. But that was years ago. And back then, his timing never quite fit into his fatherâs plans.Â
This time, Ward Cameron wasnât the one in control.Â
As he stepped out of the car, Rafe shoved his hands deep into his pockets. A cigarette mightâve helped take the edge off, but his hands might start shaking. He took a deep breath, feeling the knot tightening in his stomach. Heâd replayed this moment in his head a thousand times, calculated every possible reaction. But looking the man in the eye and actually saying the wordsâ That was something else entirely.Â
He picked up his pace.Â
When he opened the door, he was greeted by the familiar, suffocating perfection inside. The Cameron estate was always like thisâgrand, ostentatious, and cold. The walls were lined with expensive paintings, but none of them had any life. Just like the people who lived here.Â
His eyes swept across the room quickly.Â
There he was.Â
Ward Cameron, seated at his usual spot at the desk. An open laptop in front of him, a pen in his hand. His brows were slightly furrowed, completely focused on the screen. So deep into his work that he hadnât even noticed his son walking in.Â
Across from him, Rose scribbled something into a notebook, occasionally glancing up to speak. Conversations in the Cameron family were never really conversations. They were business meetings.Â
Rafe held his breath.Â
Facing Ward Cameron was like slamming your head against a brick wall. The man listened with an emotionless, judgmental silence, dissected every word, found the weakest pointâthen struck. Rafe knew the drill.Â
But this time, he wasnât backing down.Â
This wasnât just about him. It was about his daughter, too.Â
He stepped forward, his voice cutting through the room. âHeyâcan we talk for a minute?âÂ
Roseâs head snapped up immediately. Ward, on the other hand, didnât react at all. His eyes stayed glued to the screen. Rafe knew exactly what that meantâhis father had already decided this was a conversation not worth his time.Â
Heâd heard him, obviously. But acknowledging his presence? That was a step too far.Â
As always, to Ward Cameron, Rafe was a ghost.Â
Rose gave him a quick glance, arching an eyebrow. Then, with an exaggerated sigh, she set her notebook down in her lap. That sigh? That wasnât just impatience. That was because she saw him. âRafe, We are really busy. Is this important?âÂ
His fatherâs voice finally echoed through the room, forcing Rafe to take a steadying breath.Â
He didnât even look up.Â
Rafeâs jaw clenched. How had this become a routine? Every conversation started with "Is this really important?" As if heâd ever show up here for something trivial.Â
Not that it mattered.Â
If he had a problem, they wouldnât fix it. Unless it was financial, of course. Because the only thing they truly understood was money.Â
Even if it was their own son.Â
âIt is.â Rafeâs voice came out sharp, like a blade.Â
That, at last, got Ward to look up. Though there wasnât a shred of interest in his eyes. He exhaled slowly. âIs this about business? What happened?âÂ
Of course.Â
If Ward Cameron cared, it had to be about money or the company.Â
Rafe used to be hurt by that. Used to get angry. But by now, he was used to being invisibleâto being treated like something disposable, something to be brushed aside.Â
Didnât mean it didnât piss him off.Â
His brows drew together. âNoââÂ
Rose sighed dramatically, cutting him off. âRafe, if this isnât urgent, your father and I are in the middle of something.âÂ
Oh, of course.Â
Business.Â
Rafe was interrupting the sacred Cameron work schedule. Couldnât possibly be anything more important than that.Â
He let out a humorless breath, lifting his brows as his eyes locked onto Rose.Â
Sometimes, he swore she was messing with him. The only time he ever set foot in this house was when he had a damn reason. He hadnât been here in months, and yet, the second he arrived, it was like he was an inconvenience.Â
It was almost easy to forget when he wasnât around them for a while.Â
Almost.Â
âRose,â he said slowly, voice edged with irritation, âif it wasnât important, do you think Iâd drop everything and come straight here?âÂ
She looked like she was about to respond, but Ward held up a hand, signaling her to stop. Finally, his father actually looked at him. âAlright. Iâm listening.âÂ
About damn time.Â
Rafe tried to steady his breathing. This wasnât easy to say. But putting it off wouldnât make it any easier. He just wanted to get it over with.Â
âIâm not gonna lieâthis isnât easy for meââÂ
âOh my God.â Rose cut him off again, exasperation dripping from her voice.Â
Rafeâs eyes squeezed shut for a second.Â
Her voice cracked through the room like a whip. Then, in th next breath, she turned to Ward, her face sharp with disappointment. âI told* you. And you didnât listen. Heâs back on drugs.âÂ
Rafeâs breath caught. What?Â
His head shook quickly, side to side.
Thatâs what she jumped to? Thatâs where her mind immediately went? After everythingâafter clawing his way out of it, after fighting to prove himselfâthis was still the first assumption?Â
Ward let out a slow breath.Â
Disappointment.Â
That was the only thing on his face. His eyes shut for a moment, fingers pushing his laptop slightly away.Â
Rafeâs teeth clenched so hard his jaw ached.Â
He hated their assumptions. He hated this family.Â
âIâve been clean for three years.â The words ground out between his teeth.Â
âAnd you know that.â He exhaled sharply.Â
Ward shook his head from side to side before turning to Rose. âRose, please.â Like even having this conversation was a waste of time.Â
Rafe clenched his fists. There was no point in dragging this out. The longer he stalled, the weaker heâd look. So he just said it. Even though it wasnât easy, the words slipped out as if they were. âI have a daughter.âÂ
Silence.Â
Nothing happened at first.Â
But then, the cold, emotionless mask on Ward Cameronâs face crackedâfast. Rafe knew how rarely his father was caught off guard. Ward Cameron was always in control. Nothing ever truly rattled him.Â
But this did.Â
Ward locked eyes with his son. âWhat did you just say?â There was real surprise in his voice. He wasnât angry yetâhe was still in shock. Of course he was.Â
Rafe pushed forward, fast. Because if he stopped, if Ward got a word in first, this conversation would be over before it even began. His father would rip him to shreds before he got the chance to explain. So Rafe took his shot.Â
âYou remember my ex girlfriend. She was pregnant before she left the island. And before you start yelling, Dadâshe didnât tell me. Well, she did. But Iââ he exhaled sharply, âI did things I regret. And she left. Didnât tell me where she was going. And now sheâs back in the Outer BanksââÂ
BAM!Â
Ward slammed his fist against the table. Even Rose jumped at the sudden outburst, but Rafe only shut his eyes for a moment. Of course, his father wasnât going to take this news and wrap it up in a nice little bow. He wasnât going to pull him in for a hug and celebrate.Â
âWhat the fuck are you talking about?!â Wardâs voice boomed through the house, echoing so loudly it almost sounded like it came from another room.Â
Rose rolled her eyes, letting out a dry, sarcastic laugh. âJesusâare you actually determined to embarrass us in front of the entire island?âÂ
Rafeâs eyes narrowed. His face remained unreadable. His father yelling at him wasnât surprising. Heâd expected nothing else.Â
But then Ward twisted the knife. âHow hard was it to get rid of a baby?!âÂ
Rafe froze.Â
For a moment, all he could hear was his own breathing. His chest tightened. His fists clenched even harder. He didnât even know what to say.Â
The words had left his fatherâs mouth so effortlessly, like it was that simple. Like it had ever been his decision to make.Â
âShe didnât want to.âÂ
Didnât want to. You didnât want to. You and him disagreed, and this is what happened. What the hell else was he supposed to do? Force you?Â
He would never do that.Â
Ward ground his teeth, stepping closer. His face twisted with a fury that wouldâve terrified most people. But Ward was his father. Rafe had grown up with that look.Â
âAnd you just accepted it?! Like some weak little coward?!âÂ
The air in the room turned suffocating.Â
The sharp rage in Ward Cameronâs eyes sliced through the room like a blade. His glare was the same as it had always beenâdecades of disappointment staring right back at him. And if there had been even the smallest shred of hope left in his father, Rafe was watching it disappear in real time.Â
But he didnât look away. He wasnât a kid anymore.Â
âWhat the hell was I supposed to do, Dad?â His voice was steady, firmâbut underneath, there was a rage that had been building for years. A rage he had buried, silenced, ignored. And now, it was boiling over. âDrag her by the arm and force her into a clinic?âÂ
His fingers curled tighter at the thought. The very idea made his stomach churn.Â
Forcing you to go to a clinic. Seeing the hatred in your eyes. Doing something youâd never forgive him for.Â
The thought made him sick.Â
Not to mention, you wouldnât have let him. If heâd even tried, you wouldâve fought him off, and he wouldnât put it past you to run him over with a car right after.Â
âYouâre forgetting something,â Rafe said, without hesitation. âShe is the woman Iâm in love.âÂ
Love.Â
When was the last time heâd actually said that out loud? He could barely remember. For years, he had barely spoken about you to anyone. But now, standing in front of his father, he didnât waver.Â
Saying it felt strange. Almost foreign.Â
Ward let out a slow breath, shaking his head. His eyes held a cold, almost amused expression. He didnât even care that his son was standing his ground. To him, Rafe was still that same pathetic little kid. Still nothing.Â
âHow do you still manage to surprise me?â Ward said, tilting his head slightly. âYou keep making the dumbest goddamn choicesâdo you have any idea how exhausting it is to clean up your messes?âÂ
Clean up.Â
Rafeâs jaw tightened. His father had never seen him as a person. Just a problem to fix. A mess that needed to be dealt with. And Ward Cameronâs number one priority in life was making sure nothing stained his perfect little world.Â
But this time, Rafe wasnât going to let him erase this. This wasnât a problem. And he hadnât come here for his father to handle it.Â
âDadââ Rafe started, but Ward cut him off.Â
âShut up!â Wardâs voice snapped through the air like a whip.Â
Rafe lifted his head. His father was closer now, his face twisted with anger. And in his eyes, just beneath the surface, there was that familiar flicker of something more dangerousâsomething Rafe had known since childhood.Â
But he wasnât afraid anymore.Â
Wardâs voice dropped, turning cold. âWhatâs her name?âÂ
Rafe hesitated. He hadnât expected him to ask that. He had expected more yelling, more insults, more dismissals. But thisâthis was calculated.Â
This meant she wasnât even a person to him. She was a number. A problem to eliminate.Â
Rafe swallowed. He didnât want to tell him.Â
âDad, listenââ he tried again.Â
But Wardâs voice cut through the room, even sharper.
âI asked for a name, Rafe.â His voice carried an impatient growl. It was a warning. A threat. His father saw his silence as defiance.Â
Rafe narrowed his eyes, straightening his posture just enough to show he wasnât the obedient son he used to be. But he exhaled slowly, keeping his tone measuredâno need to set fire to the whole house just yet.Â
âLiliana.â He came here to say it. To stop holding back. To stop hiding it.Â
Ward nodded, considering it for a few seconds. Then, with that same ice-cold tone, he asked, âDoes she carry the family name?âÂ
Rafeâs breath hitched. He knew exactly why that mattered. The name was ownership.Â
And Liliana⊠she didnât have his last name.Â
âNo.âÂ
Wardâs eyes narrowed. âDoes she want it?âÂ
For the first time, Rafe genuinely hesitated.Â
He didnât know.Â
They had never talked about it. That wasnât his decision to make. Giving Liliana his last nameâclaiming her in that wayâwasnât something he could just decide on a whim. It wasnât his right. Hell, she barely even knew him yet.Â
So, he couldnât lie.Â
âIâI donât know.âÂ
Ward exhaled sharply, shaking his head in instant disapproval. The look in his eyes was disgust.Â
âI canât believe Iâm still cleaning up after you like youâre a goddamn child.â Then, just as fast, he turned to Rose. A plan was already forming in his eyes. âRose.â His voice was crisp, final. âSort it out. Write a check to the mother. Whatever it takesâletâs put an end to this nonsense.âÂ
Rafeâs eyes widened. His breath quickened. Just hearing it made his stomach churn. âThe hell are you talking about?!â He stepped forward, gaze locked on his father. âThatâs not why I came here.âÂ
Ward raised an eyebrow, as if truly surprised. âExcuse me?â His voice dripped with condescension, like he was warning Rafe to watch his next words carefully.Â
Rose looked at Rafe now. The only thing in her eyes was disappointment.Â
Rafe shook his head, hands running through his hair in frustration. âI didnât come here so you could write a damn check.âÂ
He really didnât get it. His father still thought money could fix everything.Â
Buy out his mistakes. Sweep them under the rug.Â
But this wasnât a mistake. Liliana wasnât a mistake.Â
âAnd what other possible reason could you have for being here?â Ward asked, voice sharp.Â
Rafe met his fatherâs gaze, unwavering. And then, with steady defiance, he answered. âIâm going to meet her.âÂ
A silence settled in the room.Â
Rafe didnât flinch. Didnât back down. âIâm going to be her father. Iâll be there for her andââÂ
Ward scoffed, shaking his head in mock amusement before letting out a bitter laugh. âOh, fuck off.â It was dismissal. Pure and simple.Â
Rose sighed, her voice soft, coaxing. âRafe⊠youâre not thinking this through. Do you realize what this could do to us? To the company? Sheâs an illegitimate child.âÂ
Something inside Rafe cracked.Â
Ward let out an irritated breath. He turned to Rose with a sharp, almost amused glare. âOh, look at you. Talking to him like he has the capacity to understand.â His jaw clenched. âIf he had a shred of intelligence, he wouldnât be in this situation to begin with.âÂ
âThatâs enough.â Rafe shot back instantly, voice firmâbut before he could continue, his father cut him off.Â
âNo, whatâs enough is you.â Ward stepped forward, eyes dark and menacing. âNone of what you just said is happening. Do you understand me? None of it.âÂ
But Rafe didnât lower his gaze. For the first time in his life, he felt like he had fully stepped out of his fatherâs shadow.Â
This wasnât his decision to make. Liliana wasnât his to control.Â
Rafe is her father. And when it came to herâany decisions, any choicesâhe would be the one making them. Not Ward.Â
âYou donât hold my leash anymore. Not now. Not ever.â His voice was low, steady, unwavering.Â
If there was any decision to be made about Liliana, it would be his. Not this manâs.Â
To hell with his reputation.Â
âIâm telling you because I gave my word.âÂ
Wardâs eyes darkened. He stepped closer, tension crackling between them like a live wire. âIf this damages our reputation in any wayââÂ
Rafe didnât even let him finish. His voice was deadly quiet. âIf you ever try to threaten them againââ He held his fatherâs gaze, his own filled with something darker, sharper. âThatâs when things will really get messy, Dad.âÂ
Ward exhaled harshly. A dry, humorless chuckle escaped his lips. He stared at Rafe with pure disdain. That lookâthe one that told him he was a disappointmentâwasnât new. And it wouldnât be the last time.Â
âYou,â Ward muttered, voice dripping with disgust. âYou are my biggest regret.âÂ
Rafe smiled. It wasnât a smirk of victory. It wasnât smug satisfaction. It was quieter. Smaller. Like something had finally settled inside him. Like years of resentment had finally burned away into something else. Indifference. No expectations. No fear.Â
Just the cold, quiet certainty that he no longer cared.Â
"Pathetic." His voice was quiet, but sharp. The weight of that single word settled into the room like a heavy fog. When Rafe looked at his fatherâs face, he realized he didnât even care whether the regret in his voice was genuine. It didnât matter. Ward Cameron could regret, he could hate, he could burn with rage or act as if he couldnât care less. But none of it reached Rafe anymore.Â
"But that regret isn't strong enough to erase my existence. I, however, am." He stepped forward, closing the already narrow space between them.Â
There was no fear in his expression. No anger, either. Just something resolute, something unwavering. And in Rafeâs eyes, there was something Ward had never been accustomed to seeingâperhaps something he had never wanted to see. Confidence.Â
Ward lifted his chin slightly, his face as hard as stone. The man who had spent years speaking with sharp authority and smug indifference was now standing in front of a son who refused to cower, his brows furrowed as he tried to suppress his irritation. But it was there. The frustration seethed just beneath his controlled exterior, slipping through the cracks in his composure.Â
"I'm the one who put you in charge of the company, Rafe," Ward said, his voice slicing through the air like a blade. "I can just as easily take it away."Â
Rafe let out a breath of amusementâlow, dismissive. He tilted his head just slightly, studying his father with something akin to pity.Â
How many times had he heard that exact threat? How many times had he believed it?Â
He remembered the panic it used to stir in him, the way it used to feel like a noose tightening around his neck. Back then, he had thought his father could destroy him, wipe him from existence with a snap of his fingers. But now?Â
Now, he only smiled.Â
"Not while I own shares."Â
His voice was calm. Unshaken. There was no challenge in his tone, no outburst of defianceâjust a simple, immovable fact.Â
Wardâs frown deepened, as if trying to comprehend the shift. As if only now realizing that Rafe wasnât just arguing with himâhe was drawing a line in the sand. A real one.Â
"I'm telling you this," Rafe said, his voice firm. "Not asking for your permission." The air in the room seemed to drop a few degrees. "I have a daughter."Â
A barely perceptible flicker crossed Wardâs expression, but he said nothing.Â
Rafe, however, felt something tighten in his throat the second the words left his mouth. Saying it out loudâespecially to his fatherâmade it real in a way he hadnât fully prepared for. It made it final. There was no taking it back. And once that truth had been spoken into existence, he knew nothing would ever be the same again.Â
But he wouldn't take it back.Â
"And I wonât ignore her," Rafe continued, swallowing hard but refusing to waver. His voice, steady and sure, sliced through the heavy silence.Â
Ward inhaled deeply. He didn't break eye contact, but the tension in his jaw gave him away.Â
"Iâm not you," Rafe added. His voice didnât rise, didnât falter. He just stated it as it was. "Thatâs the difference between us."Â
Wardâs expression went completely cold. The anger was there, of courseâbut beneath it, beneath the hard lines of his face, was something else. A realization. The unmistakable recognition that he had lost control of his son. Completely.Â
Finally, Ward clenched his jaw and spoke, voice razor-sharp. "Get out."Â
The words hung in the air, less of a command and more of a curse. A punctuation mark to a conversation that had just rewritten the rules between them.Â
Rafe tilted his head slightly, let his gaze linger on his father for just a second longer. Then, without losing that faint, knowing smile, he answered.Â
"Gladly."Â
And without looking back, he walked out the door.
That was never the point. Not from the start.Â
It wasnât the fights or the way things kept spiraling between them. No matter how much of a mess things became, it had never been about that.Â
He couldnât react properly. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him, but JJ just... didn't know what to do. Not once in his life had he dealt with something like this. This was a first.Â
Catching feelings for his best friend.Â
He had no idea how to handle it. Every time he tried to fix things, that stupid part of him kicked in and somehow made everything worse. Even when he just wanted to sit down and talk things out, it always turned into a disaster. And he knewâhe fucking knewâthat it was all on him.Â
He just couldnât do it. It was too much. His mind felt like it was playing tricks on him, like he couldnât think straight. Every time he so much as thought about you and that idiot, his entire perspective shifted.Â
But deep down, he knew that wasnât the real fear.Â
JJ had been with you for five years. Every single day. Under the same roof, in the same home. You cooked together, you ate togetherâyou raised a child together.Â
He got used to you. So used to your presence that he couldnât function without it. And it wasnât just about getting used to you. You became a part of his life. The missing piece that finally clicked into place. You werenât just thereâyou were whole. You, JJ, and Liliana.Â
And he was terrified of losing you. Of losing Liliana, of watching her warm up to Rafe and realizing she didnât need JJ anymore. Of seeing that look in your eyes againâthe one you used to have at parties five years ago when you looked at Rafe like he was your entire world.Â
Because he remembered.Â
JJ remembered what you and Rafe had been like. The way you looked at each other, the way you kissed. Back then, it hadnât even registered to him. But the closer he got to you, the clearer those memories became.Â
And he hated remembering every single one of them.Â
Because you loved him. You loved Rafe. And there wasnât a single soul on that island who didnât know it. Not just you. No matter how much he wanted to pretend otherwise, Rafe loved you too.Â
That was the scary part. If it had happened once, it could happen again. You had felt that way beforeâwhat was stopping you from feeling it again?Â
In Asheville, it had been just you, Liliana, and JJ.Â
But ever since you came back here, JJ felt like he was losing his mind.Â
Ever since you kissed him, he hadnât been able to focus. He was getting lost in you. Every second that he didnât tell you, it ate away at himâbut he just couldnât say it.Â
You were air, and he needed to breathe.Â
You were water, and he was parched.Â
JJ needed you to survive, but he was so fucking stupid.Â
He always had been. Always. His entire life. But for the past five years, he mustâve been extra stupid.Â
How the hell did someone mistake being in love with their best friend for something else?Â
How was he supposed to see you as just a friend when he could barely breathe without you? You werenât just his best friend. You were his closest person. His safest place. But to JJ, you were something more. You had been for years. You were the woman he loved and his best friend all in one.Â
And he was so fucking blind. So unbelievably stupid.Â
It didnât sit right with him. Loving you felt wrong somehow. Like he wasâwhat? Taking advantage of you? But he wasnât.Â
All JJ ever wanted was for you to be at peace. And yet, he was the one messing with that peace.Â
He had been such an emotionally stunted idiot that he practically turned himself into a fucking rock just to avoid admitting his feelings. And the second he stepped out of that house, he regretted it. But what the hell was he even supposed to say?Â
âYou kissed me. It felt weird because, actually, Iâm in love with you, and you definitely only see me as your best friend. So instead of telling you, Iâm just running away from you?â
Maybe.Â
Well, yeah. Maybe that was exactly it.Â
Shit.Â
Of course, he shouldâve talked to you. It was just really fucking hard.Â
He was scared of losing you. Not just to Rafeâbut of losing what you had altogether.Â
When he walked out of that house that night, he wasnât thinking. He had no plan, no idea where he was even going. It wasnât like he had meant to stay away for three days. He just... didn't know how to talk to you.Â
âYouâre the dumbest man Iâve ever met. You know that, right?âÂ
JJ lowered his head as Cleo grabbed his beer and stood up. He didnât look at her.Â
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pope clear his throat and shoot Cleo a warning look. He didnât need Pope to warn her. JJ was already painfully aware of everything.Â
âAnd a coward.â Cleo scoffed. âDonât look at me like that, Pope. If thereâs someone who needs to hear it, itâs JJ. Heâs our friend too. And I think he deserves better than being a pathetic idiot who canât admit his feelings.âÂ
She turned to walk off the porch without looking back.Â
JJ lifted his head, about to argue, but Cleo was already goneâlike a storm passing through before you even had the chance to take cover.Â
And the worst part?Â
She was right. He hadnât said a single damn thing about his feelings. Not a single word about what was going on in his head.Â
And yet, she knew. Of course, she did.Â
Because this?Â
This was exactly the kind of shit a coward would do.
âDonât mind Cleo. You know she just wants the best for both of you.â Pope placed a reassuring hand on JJâs back, giving it a small pat. JJâs shoulders slumped.Â
He shook his head. He didnât think he deserved any sympathy. âCleoâs right. Iâm justâa fucking idiot. Thatâs what this is.âÂ
His phone buzzed on the table, the notification lighting up the screen. But when JJ glanced at it, the message wasnât what caught his attention. It was the wallpaper. The one photo he could never bring himself to change. You and Liliana.Â
âEven when it comes to feelings?â Popeâs voice reached him, but honestly, JJ just wanted to keep looking at the photo for a little longer. He couldnât take his eyes off of you and Liliana.Â
The way you were smiling at the cameraâit almost made his lips twitch into a smile, too. You were happy. Just like before you came back here.Â
âYes.â The word slipped out before he could stop it. He didnât even try to. Maybe because, for once, he wanted to stop lying about this. To himself, to anyone. What was the point?Â
âYou know thatâs not wrong, rightââÂ
JJ was already shaking his head before Pope could finish. But Pope straightened up, refusing to let it go.Â
âCleo and I were best friends. Sarah and John B were best friends. Thereâs nothing wrong withââÂ
âItâs not the same.â JJ shook his head harder this time. There was a scream inside him, clawing to get out. At who, at what, he didnât know. He just wanted to let it out. When Pope opened his mouth to argue again, JJ turned to him sharply.Â
âIâve lived with her for five years, you guys caught feelings in a few months. I never once looked at her that way. Never once even had the thought ofâof touching her cross my mind. Theyâre my family.â JJâs lips pressed into a hard line. The tip of his nose stung.Â
When no one else was there, you were. And when you had no one else, he was there. You chose each other. You werenât just friends. You werenât just people who happened to live together. You were a family. You were built for this. JJâs family was never his father. And sure, for a long time, his family had been the Pogues, but the bond he built with youâsomewhere along the way, that changed everything.Â
âSo donât stand there and tell me this isnât wrong. I wasnât born yesterday. Iâve never had a real familyânot in the way I should have. No offense. And now that I do, Iâm not about to lose it just because of a few stupid feelings.â JJ clenched his fists, trying to keep his frustration in check. He wasnât mad at Pope. He was mad at himself.Â
Popeâs eyebrows lifted slightly. He leaned in closer, resting his arms on the table. âJust so you knowâyouâre not gonna lose them. But if you do, itâs not gonna be because of your âfew stupid feelings.â Itâs gonna be because youâre acting like a blind idiot.âÂ
Pope tapped on JJâs phone screen, making it light up again. Your and Lilianaâs picture glowed in the dim light of the porch. âIf you donât wanna lose them, then stop acting like you do. Because youâve been here for two fucking daysâand hey, I donât mind, youâre always welcome. But every day you stay here instead of going home is another step closer to losing them. Open your eyes.âÂ
JJ looked up, locking eyes with his friend. Popeâs expression was unreadable, but his voice left no room for argument.Â
JJ swallowed hard. He had nothing to say. Not because he didnât want to. But because he didnât know how to.Â
Even with how much of a goddamn idiot heâd been these past few days, he had no idea how to fix any of this.Â
His gaze flickered back toward the house heâd left behind.Â
Funny, how leaving could become a habit. This was the second time heâd walked out of that house after a fight. Again, both of you ended up hurt. Again, neither of you deserved it.Â
His fingers curled into fists at Popeâs words echoing in his head. Of course he was right. Everyone was right these daysâeveryone but JJ. Pope was always right. Always the one with the advice, always the one who never seemed to screw up.Â
JJ wished he could be like that. Maybe if he had even a little bit of Popeâs level-headedness, he wouldnât have made half the mistakes he had. He didnât regret his past mistakesânot really. They made him who he was.Â
But the mistakes he made after meeting you? He regretted every single one.Â
And this latest one? The biggest one?Â
Kissing you.Â
Again.Â
One week later, heâd kissed you again. And not once did it feel wrong. It felt complete.Â
But it shouldnât have been like that. Not after a fight. Not out of anger, not out of frustration. If he was ever going to kiss you, it shouldâve been because he told you how he felt. Because you wanted him to. Because you felt the same way.Â
His hands were trembling. He looked down at them, sucking in a shaky breath.
Leaving the house had been a mistakeâjust like every word that had ever come out of his mouth.Â
When his gaze lifted from the ground and met the door once again, the weight of everything inside him became unbearable. He wasn't going to let this happen again.Â
He took quick steps toward the door, retracing the path he'd just walked. He wasnât leaving this house again. He wasnât leaving you and Liliana again. This wasnât just hurting himâit was hurting you too. Not again.Â
He swung the door open and stepped inside. He knew the way by heart.Â
And when he reached the kitchen, he saw you again.Â
Your hands were gripping the edge of the counter so tightly it looked like you needed it to stay upright. If you let go, youâd collapse. You looked so fragileâlike youâd shatter the second you lost your hold. And when he saw the silent tears slipping between your tightly shut eyelids, JJâs heart clenched in his chest.Â
Your lips were pressed together, trembling slightly. It was like you were trying to keep any sound from escaping, crying in the quietest way possible.Â
JJâs breath caught in his throat. He knew heâd let you down in every possible way, but seeing you like this? It felt like someone had poured boiling water down his spine.Â
He wanted to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to do anythingâeverythingâto make you forgive him. Fuck loveâhe didnât care about love anymore. If staying by your side as a friend for the rest of his life meant youâd never have to cry again, heâd take it. If letting Rafe back into your life meant youâd be happy, heâd accept it.Â
Just so youâd smile again. Just so youâd never cry because of him again.Â
He took a step forward without thinking, but the second the wooden floor creaked beneath his foot, your eyes fluttered open. One of your hands lifted from the counter, moving toward your face as your gaze locked with his.Â
JJâs mind blanked the second he saw your tear-streaked, flushed face. Every thought, every word he had lined up in his head vanished in an instant. That was the effect you had on himâyour gaze, your presence, your touch. Everything else faded away.Â
You were the only thing that was real. The only thing that stayed white in a world drowning in black. And no matter what anyone said, no matter how much darkness tried to creep in, that wouldnât change. You were untouchable.Â
Then your lips curledânot into a smile, but something bitter, something that twisted a knife in his chest. "What is it now? Thinking of some other words to tear me apart?"Â
Your voice shook. Because of him. Because he had made you cry.Â
JJ nearly dropped his head in shame. He never should've left. Not again. "No," he murmured, barely above a whisper. His head shook on its own, as if trying to erase every mistake, every word that had brought you to this moment. If he could take it all back, he would.Â
But he couldnât.Â
So he stood there, waiting for a miracleâknowing damn well miracles didnât exist.Â
He had to let it go. Every ounce of anger, every bit of resentment. He had to let it all go.Â
You had to know the truth.Â
âNo?â A hollow laugh slipped through your lips, your arms wrapping tightly around yourself. Your head dropped for a second, but when you lifted it again, the brief moment of humor was gone. Your face twisted with nothing but fury. âNo? Are you fucking kidding me? Then why are you still here?âÂ
You stormed forward, shoving him in the chest. JJ stumbled back. And you did the same, like you had to put as much distance between you as possible.Â
JJ didnât know what to do.Â
He couldnât lose you. He couldnât lose Liliana. He couldnât.Â
âIââÂ
âYou what? What the hell are you gonna say this time? First, you come home and ruin my entire mood! You pick a fight with me, and thenâand thenââ Your voice cracked, but it didnât stop you. It only made your anger burn hotter. You ran your hands through your hair, pacing in the kitchen like you had no idea what to do with yourself.Â
âI didnât know what to doâIâm sorry. I messed upââ JJ tried, but you didnât let him finish.Â
âOh, fuck off! Messed up?! Who the hell do you think youâre fooling? You think this is some tiny little mistake? A fight we can just get over, just brush under the rug?â You stepped back, leaning against the counter as your eyes burned holes into him.Â
JJ wanted to say something, anything, but he just clenched his jaw.Â
The tears on your face were still fresh. Your eyes were red, raw, and swollen. And knowing that he was the reason for it? That he was the one who had broken you like this? It was disgusting.Â
He hadnât realized it would go this far. He hadnât realized he could hurt you this much.Â
A dry, humorless laugh escaped your lips, and JJ inhaled sharply. He stood there, listening, because he knew you needed to let it out.Â
âAnd the worst part? Youâre not even apologizing for any of that,â you spat, voice dripping with venom. âNot for the fights. Not for the last week of absolute hell. Not for all the shit you put me through. No. Youâre apologizing becauseâbecause you kissed me? Thatâs whatâs too much for you?âÂ
JJ shook his head frantically, wanting to cut in, to explain himself, but you didnât give him the chance.Â
âThatâs your fucking line?â you yelled. âThatâs the thing that crossed the line for you?! Not hurting me, not leaving Liliana waiting for you every damn day, but that? Kissing me?âÂ
Your voice was so loud it felt like it shook the whole house.Â
JJ knew he had no right to be concerned, but he was. He wanted to tell you to breathe, to calm downâbut he didnât. He just looked at you. He accepted every word.Â
âNoââÂ
âWhat the hell is wrong with you?!â you screamed. Your hands moved as if you were going to grab him, but at the last second, you stopped yourself, pulling back like even touching him was a mistake.
JJ⊠he just accepted your anger. If anything, he preferred you lashing out at him rather than enduring silence.Â
"I'm sorry for everything. Justâ not for the kiss." JJ's voice came out hoarse. Your back was turned to him. He watched your whole body tremble. Even as you clung tightly to the counter, you didnât look okay.Â
You were shaking. Crying. But it was so silent that if the house werenât dead quiet, JJ wouldnât have heard a thing.Â
He took a step forward and reached out a hand. But before he could touch you, you wiped your tears away and turned. JJ immediately took a step back.Â
"Why⊠What did I do to you?" Watching the tears slowly roll down your cheeks was hard. JJ averted his gaze. The heaviness in his chestâhis guiltâwas suffocating. And he knew it.Â
Your tears were for him. Because of him.Â
You were hurting. Because of him.Â
JJ opened his mouth, but not a single sound came out. The man who had been shouting just moments ago had gone completely quiet.Â
"Leave..." Your voice was so weak that JJ's heart stuttered. He shook his head instantly, firm in his stance.Â
"Not this time." His voice was steady, resoluteâjust like him. He wasnât leaving. He wasnât running away.Â
And finally, it happened. Your fists landed against his chest. But it was weak. Like you had no strength left in you. JJ stumbled back a little but held his ground.Â
"You had no problem leaving the last two times, so why not go againâ" JJ couldnât even look at your face. Every weak punch against his chest dug into his soul.Â
No, it didnât hurt. It was you who was hitting him. Even if he wanted it to hurt, it wouldnât.Â
"Get out!" The moment you screamed in his face, JJâs eyes squeezed shut. Somewhere deep inside, maybe he knew he should leave. But he wasnât going to.Â
Even if you wanted him gone, even if you hit him to make him leave, he wouldnât budge an inch. Not until you gave him a real explanation.Â
"I'm not going." He shook his head, your fists still pressing against his chest.Â
"You are! Youâre going to get the hell out! Andâ And youâre going to take your stuff with youâ" Your punches stopped. You turned away, heading toward the stairs, but JJ moved fast, grabbing your wrists.Â
"I donât want to leave." He spoke while looking straight into your eyes, as if trying to show you how serious he was. But you? You werenât having it. "I donât want to do this. So pleaseâplease stop trying to push me away."Â
You struggled, trying to free your wrists, but JJ held on tight. "Youâre selfish! Selfish and a coward! You didnât even have the guts to apologize! Not even after coming home three nights late! I waited for you! Like an idiot! I waited!" Your voice was shaking. You were crying so hard it was difficult to even talk, to breathe.Â
Your eyes were squeezed shut. You werenât even looking at him. The tears wouldnât stop. "Why are you doing this to me?"Â
"Because Iâm jealous!" The words shot out of JJâs mouth, and suddenly, the only sound left in the house was your ragged sobs.Â
Your eyes were still closed. But as your crying began to slow, you slowly opened them.Â
"I lost control. The thought of losing youâof leaving LilianaâI lost everything."Â
Finally, saying it out loud, JJ felt the weight in his chest ease. Just a little. Even if he still hadnât admitted why he did it, at least acknowledging the emotions that came with it felt like a small relief.Â
But was he brave enough to tell you he loved you? He didnât know. He could lose both you and Liliana, and he wasnât the kind of man to gamble with things like that.Â
As much as he liked to play games, he would never play with you.Â
That would cross a line.Â
"So thatâs why you fucked the last two weeks of my life⊠Was it really that hard to just talk to me?" When you looked at him with tear-filled eyes, JJ swore his heart stopped for a second. He could try to change the subject, pretend it wasnât what it was, but he was so damn tired of running.Â
And you? You were tired of this game too. You didnât have the energy for it anymore. Not when you looked so exhausted standing in front of him.Â
"It was hard," he admitted without thinking. Even though a part of him told him to shut up, he didnât. He didnât want to keep silent anymore. He didnât want to keep hurting you. No, he wasnât brave enough to bring up the wedding night just yet, but he wanted to fix things.Â
Even if this was just an excuse, it was the truth. JJ was hiding things, but only because he didnât want to hurt you more than he already had.Â
"Iâm jealous. I hate that asshole. I hate that Liliana has to meet with him. The thought of you looking at him the way you used to look at meâit drives me insane. I hate that you might believe himâ"Â
You shook your head. You tried once more to pull your wrists free. "You never really knew me, did you? Not at all."Â
"I didnât think⊠I justâ I couldnât do it. Thinking about the two of youâit messes with my head." JJâs eyes searched yours. He just wanted you to understand. Even if you didnât forgive him, he just wanted you to understand.Â
"Is that why you kissed me?" You sniffled. Until now, you hadnât even realized how close you were. Barely a breath apart, his hands still wrapped around your wrists, holding them close to his chest.Â
"No." JJ blurted it out so fast. Like he wasnât even thinking. Like the confidence in his voice from earlier had completely vanished.Â
"Then why?"Â
Your tears had dried up. You were looking deep into his eyes, searching for answers. Even though there were so many things you wanted him to explain, you couldn't erase the feelings he had stirred in you.Â
"Because I wanted to."Â
"Thatâs it? You just felt like it in the moment andâ"Â
Before you could finish, JJ slowly let go of your wrists. He hopedâreally hopedâyou wouldnât start hitting his chest again. But he didnât move an inch from where he stood.Â
"It wasnât just a feeling. I wanted it."Â
Your eyes narrowed. It still felt like he was toying with you. Like heâd walk away againâjust like he always did.Â
"So, what? Do you just kiss people whenever you feel like it?" You wiped the last of your drying tears from your cheeks, keeping your stance firm.Â
As much as his excuse didnât justify the hell heâd put you through for the past week, you wanted to trust that he wouldnât leave again. You wanted to believe him.Â
"No." JJ shook his head, his voice steady.Â
Your brows raised slightly. You sniffled.Â
"I havenât kissed anyone in two years. No one but you."Â
Saying it out loud wasnât easy. Maybe your only kiss should have stayed in the pastâon your wedding night. Maybe there shouldnât have been another.Â
And yet, here he was, still feeling the ghost of your lips against his. He had come back to apologize, to explain himselfâbut somehow, he had completely forgotten that the two of you would have to talk about the kiss.Â
Of course, you were going to talk about it.Â
JJ had kissed you.Â
And now, as you stood there in front of him, lips still swollen, he had to force himself to look at anything but your mouth. He focused on you. Only you.Â
On this conversation, on every single word you said.Â
He wouldnât interrupt you again. He wouldnât disrespect you again.Â
Today, you were going to talk.Â
"How am I supposed to forgive you?"Â
The words stung. Because the truth was, JJ didnât know.Â
Not only did he not know how you could forgive himâhe didnât even know how to explain himself.Â
What if it had been the other way around?Â
If you had done this to him, how would he have forgiven you? What could you have said to make him move past it?Â
There was a sharp pain in the center of his chest. Like a knife had been lodged there.Â
If falling to his knees and begging for forgiveness would fix this, he would have done it in a heartbeat.Â
But he wouldnât lie to you.Â
"I donât know." His voice was barely above a whisper. He exhaled sharply, head dropping forward.Â
"I donât know either."Â
Your voice was hoarse, but you didnât look away. You kept your eyes on him. Your lips trembled slightly downward.Â
"Iâll wait." JJ spoke carefully, watching your reaction. "Iâm not leaving, but Iâll wait⊠If you let me."Â
His words wavered, like he was trying to gauge your response even as he spoke them.Â
You said nothing.Â
That wasnât the reaction he had expected, and honestly, your silence was worse than anything else you couldâve said.Â
Not knowing what to do, he took a step closer.Â
He felt helplessâbecause he was.Â
Pope had been right about everything. JJ was so afraid of losing you that he had been the one pushing you away all along.Â
He wanted to take back every fight, every argument. He regretted hurting you more than anything, but the anger inside him still hadnât disappeared.Â
Even now, a part of him still burned with jealousy over Rafe.Â
But this time, he wasnât going to let that anger hurt you again.Â
Not again.Â
Fixing this wasnât going to be easy.Â
JJ took another quick step forward, his movements deliberate.Â
This time, he was asking for permission to stay.Â
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly.Â
"If you donât want me here, I get it. But I canâtâI canât do this without you. Without Liliana." His voice was almost emotionless, but deep down, he was hoping youâd accept it. Even though he was technically leaving the choice to you, he was desperate for you to say yes.Â
He stood still, waiting.Â
The occasional sniffle was the only remaining sign of your crying, aside from your red-rimmed eyes.Â
JJ replayed your voice in his head, remembering the moment you told him to leave. The longer you stayed silent now, the longer time stretched on.Â
It probably hadnât been that longâmaybe just a few seconds. But for JJ, it felt endless.Â
Every second you didnât answer, his heart pounded harder.Â
He used to be so sure of you. Before all this, he wouldâve known exactly what your response would be.Â
But now? Now, he had no clue.Â
You werenât the kind of people who fought like this. Sure, you bickered sometimes, but it never lasted more than a few minutes. And then things would go back to normal.Â
This was different.Â
This was your first real fight.Â
Okay, maybe the third. But since they had all been about the same thing, it felt like the first.Â
JJ tried to keep his gaze on you, but you wouldnât meet his eyes.Â
Your lips parted slightlyâthen closed again.Â
He could tell you were struggling to make a decision.Â
And that terrified him.Â
You could tell him to stay.Â
But you could just as easily tell him to leave.Â
Finally, you lifted your gaze, sniffling once more before clearing your throat. You took a deep breath.Â
It almost felt like you were dragging it out just to make him suffer. And it was working.Â
JJ was dying inside waiting for your answer.Â
Straightening your posture, you spoke.Â
"If you walk out that door one more time⊠thereâs no coming back. You need to know that."
His words were like drinking ice-cold water on a scorching day or stepping into warmth after being out in the coldârefreshing, comforting. It felt like a weight had been lifted off JJâs shoulders.Â
He straightened up quickly, a small smirk tugging at his lips. This was something. You hadnât outright said you forgave him, but this was still a step forward. Maybe it was even a step toward him.Â
JJ found himself nodding almost too eagerly.Â
Before you could change your mind or take back your words, he blurted out, "I wonât." The words were rushed, almost tumbling over themselves.Â
Unlike him, you simply noddedâslow, measured. You wanted him to know that you heard him, that you understood. Your hands clasped in front of you, your gaze locked onto his. And yet, you still felt like you were processing everything that had just happened.Â
Had you decided too quickly? Should you have thought this through more? Was making a decision in the heat of the moment ever the right thing to do?Â
Your eyes stayed on him as you swallowed hard.Â
You werenât sure you could forgive him just yet, but if he walked away againâŠÂ
You werenât sure youâd be able to piece yourself back together.Â
You didnât let it show, but you were relieved he had stepped back inside. Because if he had walked out that door one more time, you had no idea how you wouldâve mended the wound he had left in you.Â
"I want to trust you."Â
God, what a ridiculous sentence. Especially to say to someone who had been closer to you than anyone else ever had. Could a person really change their feelings this much in just one week?Â
But then again, JJ hadnât exactly taken anything from you and refused to give it back.Â
If he hadnât hurt you, if your heart wasnât aching like this, would you have lost your trust in him?Â
You hated that sentence. Because the truth was, you had always trusted him more than you trusted yourself.Â
Even when you had no idea what to do, he always did.Â
He completed you. And you completed him.Â
And now, you couldnât trust him.Â
You had actually said those words to him. You were actually going to try to trust him again. It felt like meeting him all over again.Â
Like being back on that stupid beach, standing there, heart ready to pour out everything you feltâyet hesitant, nervous.Â
Afraid.Â
Because you didnât know how heâd react. Because you couldnât predict his response.Â
Just like that first day.Â
And yet, even back then, you had trusted him enough to open up.Â
He hadnât been a stranger, not really. He had known about Liliana from the very beginning, hadnât he?Â
He had figured it out in the pharmacy, and then at the beach, you had told him everything.Â
Even back then, you had trusted him. Because deep down, you knew he was someone who would keep your secrets safe.Â
Even in those early days, though, he had still managed to break your trust.Â
How ironic.Â
That you had been able to spill your heart to him on a beach when you barely knew him, and nowâafter five years of being by his side every single dayâyou were struggling to believe in him.Â
"I swear I wonât break your trust again."Â
JJâs voice was steady, firm.Â
He wasnât just trying to convince youâhe was convincing himself.Â
When you realized you couldnât keep looking at him any longer, you dropped your gaze to the floor, shifting your weight slightly.Â
You simply nodded. No words. Just a quiet acknowledgment.Â
You didnât need to say anything else.Â
JJ was still JJ.Â
But your silence rattled him.Â
He cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair, restless.Â
"I know I didnât handle things right. I know I acted like an idiot, butâ" He exhaled sharply. "Iâve never dealt with something like this before. Iâve never felt like I was actually going to lose someone. And if I ever have⊠it wasnât you and Liliana."Â
As soon as the words left his mouth, he saw your head snap up.Â
Instant panic flashed through him.Â
Had he said the wrong thing?Â
That tiny bit of confidence he had mustered up while speaking vanished in an instant.Â
Once again, he was lost in the unknown, unsure of where he stood.Â
A hollow smile tugged at your lips, but it wasnât happiness.Â
You almost couldnât believe him. He was still talking about the same thing.Â
Still clinging to whatever story he had told himself, believing in it so fiercely that nothing else could get through.Â
"I never told you I loved Rafe," you said, your voice eerily calm.Â
"I never said I was going to be with him. I never even mentioned anything even remotely close to something like that. JJ, I came to you about a decision. About Lilianaâs future. As her parents, I wanted to discuss it with you."Â
You kept your tone composed. There was no need to turn this into another fight.Â
Not when JJ had practically waved a white flag.Â
Not when he, like you, was finally ready to talk.Â
JJ opened and closed his mouth, shifting uncomfortably in place. "I know, butâdoesnât him seeing Liliana mean youâll have to see him too? You know, back then, years ago⊠everyone saw the way you two looked at each otherâ"Â
He hadnât really thought the words through before saying them.Â
His eyes had drifted away from you, lost in memories from years ago.Â
But you had no patience for this conversation. Especially not when he was acting like he didnât even know you.Â
You cut him off.Â
You werenât even sure what exactly he believed anymore, but whatever it was, he was holding onto it so tightly that he refused to hear anything else.Â
"We, JJ.â
Your voice was firm.Â
You pointed between the two of you, emphasizing your words.Â
JJ inhaled deeply, eyes following your finger before slowly shifting back up to your face.Â
*"If Rafe is seeing Liliana, that means heâs seeing us. As her parents. Not just me, but you too. Youâre just as much a part of this as I am."* When you finished speaking, JJ shook his head. You let out a breath.Â
Even Liliana understood things faster than he did. She could be a handful, sureâbut at least dealing with her wasnât this exhausting.
He was so obsessed with the whole you-and-Rafe thing that, whether you wanted to or not, your mind kept drifting. Heâd admitted he was jealous, sureâbut could it really be true?Â
And it wasnât just that.Â
You cleared your throat as memories surfaced, one after the other.Â
You had kissed.Â
Right? Of course. You had kissed.Â
Blinking rapidly, you forced the thought away. Impossible. If something were going to happen, it wouldâve happened in the past five years.Â
âYouâre still going to be close to himââÂ
His words rattled around in your head, but you refused to focus on them. No way. No way. If it were true, then Rachel, Yasmin, or whatever that other girlâs name wasâhe wouldnât have dated them. He just wouldnât have.Â
Right?Â
You cut yourself off before the thought could spiral. You were convincing yourself of stupid things. Could something like that really be true?Â
You wanted to strangle him. Especially when he acted like he hadnât been by your side for years. âYou want me to trust you, but you donât trust me. Iâm not stupid. I havenât forgotten anything. Itâs all still fresh in my mindâespecially with Liliana as a constant reminder. So stop saying that. This isnât about me and Rafe. This is about Lilianaâs future.âÂ
âI never said I donât trust you.â JJ shook his head. How could he not trust you? You were the only person in this world heâd put his life in the hands of.Â
âI thought we were past this. I thought you were done treating me like an idiot. When I said I was done playing games, I wasnât bluffing.âÂ
JJ exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. Sometimes, he really had no idea what to say. Even when he tried to choose his words carefully, they still came out wrong. Like he was screwing everything up, one sentence at a time.Â
He nodded, resigned. Of course, you were right. You were always right. He was being an idiot. And all because of these ridiculous feelings that had turned him into one. He could barely even look at you. âIâm sorry. Youâre right. Iâof course, I trust you. But you donât get to choose how you feel about someone.âÂ
You let out a slow breath, taking a step closer to him. You knew exactly what you were doing, but you needed him to believe it too. Because he had already played out this entire scenario in his head, and that wasnât fair. âI could be with anyone in the world, and it still wouldnât be Rafe.âÂ
The second the words left your lips, you regretted them.Â
A lie.Â
It wasnât just Rafeâit wasnât anyone. You werenât the kind of person who could just casually talk to multiple people. The thought of being with someone you felt nothing for was disgusting. Especially when your mind was already so clearly set on one person.Â
JJ didnât respond. He just⊠went quiet.Â
And for a moment, you wondered if he was asking himself the same thingâwas he included in that "anyone"? His mind screamed the question, but he bit it back, refusing to let it slip.Â
His silence made you realize that it was finally time to talk about what had started this whole fight in the first place. Even though your argument had pushed it to the back burner, it was still important. âI need to give Rafe an answer. Weâre heading back this weekend. As much as Iâd love to keep arguing with you, I have to put Liliana first. And I know you will too.âÂ
You hated that nearly a full week of your two-week break had been wasted. You were supposed to be here for Cleoâs wedding, to enjoy your time offâand yet, all you had left was a mess of frustration and disappointment.Â
JJ slowly pulled out a chair and sat down, rubbing his nose absentmindedly. Knowing you were leaving this weekend exhausted him. You had come here to relax, but somehow, he felt even more drained than before. More miserable. Thatâs how it always was when he wasnât with you. And the worst part? He had no one to blame but himself.Â
âAre you sure this is what you want? I mean⊠Youâre her mom. You understand how she feels better than I do.âÂ
JJ spoke carefully this time. He wasnât going to make the same mistake again. He wasnât going to let the words slip outâthe words that implied he wasnât her parent. Because he had only said that out of anger.Â
JJ was Lilianaâs parent too.Â
And when he saw the faintest trace of a smile on your lips, even if it was fleeting, he knew youâd caught that. The acknowledgment. That, to him, he wasnât just some extra figure in Lilianaâs life.Â
And that tiny, barely-there smile? God, it made him ridiculously happy.Â
âSheâs not asking questions yet, but one day, she will. When she starts school, sheâll wonder why every other kid calls the man in their life âDad,â but she calls you JJ. Or Uncle.âÂ
JJ didnât hesitate. âIf she wants toâshe can call me Dad.âÂ
The words left him before he could even process them, but he meant it. Even with his mind in a million different places, even with Rafe hovering like a storm cloud in the background, he meant it. If Liliana wanted him to be that person, heâd give her the world. If she called him Dadâwell, then, heâd have the whole damn universe.Â
The thought alone filled his chest with something warm and unshakable.Â
Sure, he was happy being Uncle JJ. But⊠whatever.Â
He couldâve sworn he saw the surprise on your face. Your lips parted slightly, but you spoke quickly, like you didnât want to dwell on it. âOf course she can, but she knows youâre not her father.â You shook your head.Â
JJ didnât take offense. You had both made that decision a long time ago. You had both told her to call him Uncle. This wasnât just on youâit was on him too. So, no, he didnât argue.Â
You were right. Again. As always.Â
âDo you want this?â JJ asked, voice laced with uncertainty. âLiliana meeting Rafe?âÂ
You hesitated before shrugging. âI donât know. I guess⊠I think she deserves better.â
JJ shook his head. He hated the guy. But if he was the right choice for Lilianaâshit. He just couldnât think about this in a positive way. No matter how much he tried to get used to the idea, it wasnât working. He hated Rafe. Every time he saw his face, he wanted to throw a punch, butâhe couldnât. Not this time.Â
âDo you trust Rafe?âÂ
The moment he asked, his eyes locked onto yours, searching for any hesitation, any sign of uncertainty.Â
âFor myself? Absolutely not. For Liliana? Yes. No matter how badly things ended between us, this is her right. And besidesâI have you. And if you and Rafe had switched places, I wouldâve given you a chance to see her too.âÂ
Your voice was as firm as your stance. No room for negotiation. No hesitation.Â
JJ squeezed his eyes shut.Â
Every time he saw that man, he was going to have to keep his hands to himself. Because there was a part of himâone that had been waiting for five yearsâthat wanted nothing more than to knock him to the ground.Â
With a defeated sigh, he exhaled sharply, opening his eyes again. He could only hope he wouldnât regret this. âIf you really think this is the right thing to do, if youâre sure you wonât regret itâthen fine. I approve. Okay.âÂ
But if Rafe hurt Liliana again, JJ wouldnât hold back. Heâd make damn sure he never came near them again. He wasnât going to say that to you, though. No need to start another fight.Â
âAre you sure?â you asked one last time, curiosity laced in your voice.Â
JJ repeated the question in his head. No, he wasnât sure. Not at all. But he trusted you.Â
âYes. For Liliana.âÂ
You nodded, visibly surprised. Maybe you had expected another argument. Maybe you thought heâd start yelling. JJ wasnât sure. What he did know was that you clearly hadnât expected him to actually agree. Well, neither had he.Â
âDo you want me to text him, orâdo you want to call him yourself? I donât know how things ended when you ran into him at the beach butââÂ
JJ stood up, looking at you. He rubbed his eyes because, for some damn reason, they kept wandering to your lips. And that was getting frustrating. Andâhe was grateful you hadnât dragged out the whole kissing thing. Because he could come up with an excuse for almost anything, but that? That, he couldnât explain away.Â
âText him,â he said. âBut when he meets Liliana, I want to be there too.âÂ
Your eyes widened. Even your reaction gave him some relief.Â
âOf course, weâll both be there.âÂ
JJ smiled. He had missed thisâtalking to you like this. He couldnât exactly say youâd waved a white flag, but just being near you again was something heâd missed. Even the faint trace of your perfume in the air.Â
âOkay. And can we talk later? Iââ He hesitated. âI really missed you.âÂ
Watching you was his favorite thing to do. It always had been.Â
MASTERLIST -`âźÂŽ- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank
Summary: Kook!Readerâs world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely personâJJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.
Songs : Like him - Tyler, The Creator / Everything I wanted - Billie Eilish
previous - next
Two days ago, Cameron Estate.
Rafe knew his father was returning from his business trip today. Ward Cameron ran on a schedule as precise as a Swiss watch. The man liked every minute of his day to be planned down to the last detail. His flight time, the exact minute heâd walk through the door, even when heâd unpack his suitcase and step into the showerâit was all set in stone.Â
Once upon a time, Rafe had a set schedule for stepping into this house too. But that was years ago. And back then, his timing never quite fit into his fatherâs plans.Â
This time, Ward Cameron wasnât the one in control.Â
As he stepped out of the car, Rafe shoved his hands deep into his pockets. A cigarette mightâve helped take the edge off, but his hands might start shaking. He took a deep breath, feeling the knot tightening in his stomach. Heâd replayed this moment in his head a thousand times, calculated every possible reaction. But looking the man in the eye and actually saying the wordsâ That was something else entirely.Â
He picked up his pace.Â
When he opened the door, he was greeted by the familiar, suffocating perfection inside. The Cameron estate was always like thisâgrand, ostentatious, and cold. The walls were lined with expensive paintings, but none of them had any life. Just like the people who lived here.Â
His eyes swept across the room quickly.Â
There he was.Â
Ward Cameron, seated at his usual spot at the desk. An open laptop in front of him, a pen in his hand. His brows were slightly furrowed, completely focused on the screen. So deep into his work that he hadnât even noticed his son walking in.Â
Across from him, Rose scribbled something into a notebook, occasionally glancing up to speak. Conversations in the Cameron family were never really conversations. They were business meetings.Â
Rafe held his breath.Â
Facing Ward Cameron was like slamming your head against a brick wall. The man listened with an emotionless, judgmental silence, dissected every word, found the weakest pointâthen struck. Rafe knew the drill.Â
But this time, he wasnât backing down.Â
This wasnât just about him. It was about his daughter, too.Â
He stepped forward, his voice cutting through the room. âHeyâcan we talk for a minute?âÂ
Roseâs head snapped up immediately. Ward, on the other hand, didnât react at all. His eyes stayed glued to the screen. Rafe knew exactly what that meantâhis father had already decided this was a conversation not worth his time.Â
Heâd heard him, obviously. But acknowledging his presence? That was a step too far.Â
As always, to Ward Cameron, Rafe was a ghost.Â
Rose gave him a quick glance, arching an eyebrow. Then, with an exaggerated sigh, she set her notebook down in her lap. That sigh? That wasnât just impatience. That was because she saw him. âRafe, We are really busy. Is this important?âÂ
His fatherâs voice finally echoed through the room, forcing Rafe to take a steadying breath.Â
He didnât even look up.Â
Rafeâs jaw clenched. How had this become a routine? Every conversation started with "Is this really important?" As if heâd ever show up here for something trivial.Â
Not that it mattered.Â
If he had a problem, they wouldnât fix it. Unless it was financial, of course. Because the only thing they truly understood was money.Â
Even if it was their own son.Â
âIt is.â Rafeâs voice came out sharp, like a blade.Â
That, at last, got Ward to look up. Though there wasnât a shred of interest in his eyes. He exhaled slowly. âIs this about business? What happened?âÂ
Of course.Â
If Ward Cameron cared, it had to be about money or the company.Â
Rafe used to be hurt by that. Used to get angry. But by now, he was used to being invisibleâto being treated like something disposable, something to be brushed aside.Â
Didnât mean it didnât piss him off.Â
His brows drew together. âNoââÂ
Rose sighed dramatically, cutting him off. âRafe, if this isnât urgent, your father and I are in the middle of something.âÂ
Oh, of course.Â
Business.Â
Rafe was interrupting the sacred Cameron work schedule. Couldnât possibly be anything more important than that.Â
He let out a humorless breath, lifting his brows as his eyes locked onto Rose.Â
Sometimes, he swore she was messing with him. The only time he ever set foot in this house was when he had a damn reason. He hadnât been here in months, and yet, the second he arrived, it was like he was an inconvenience.Â
It was almost easy to forget when he wasnât around them for a while.Â
Almost.Â
âRose,â he said slowly, voice edged with irritation, âif it wasnât important, do you think Iâd drop everything and come straight here?âÂ
She looked like she was about to respond, but Ward held up a hand, signaling her to stop. Finally, his father actually looked at him. âAlright. Iâm listening.âÂ
About damn time.Â
Rafe tried to steady his breathing. This wasnât easy to say. But putting it off wouldnât make it any easier. He just wanted to get it over with.Â
âIâm not gonna lieâthis isnât easy for meââÂ
âOh my God.â Rose cut him off again, exasperation dripping from her voice.Â
Rafeâs eyes squeezed shut for a second.Â
Her voice cracked through the room like a whip. Then, in th next breath, she turned to Ward, her face sharp with disappointment. âI told* you. And you didnât listen. Heâs back on drugs.âÂ
Rafeâs breath caught. What?Â
His head shook quickly, side to side.
Thatâs what she jumped to? Thatâs where her mind immediately went? After everythingâafter clawing his way out of it, after fighting to prove himselfâthis was still the first assumption?Â
Ward let out a slow breath.Â
Disappointment.Â
That was the only thing on his face. His eyes shut for a moment, fingers pushing his laptop slightly away.Â
Rafeâs teeth clenched so hard his jaw ached.Â
He hated their assumptions. He hated this family.Â
âIâve been clean for three years.â The words ground out between his teeth.Â
âAnd you know that.â He exhaled sharply.Â
Ward shook his head from side to side before turning to Rose. âRose, please.â Like even having this conversation was a waste of time.Â
Rafe clenched his fists. There was no point in dragging this out. The longer he stalled, the weaker heâd look. So he just said it. Even though it wasnât easy, the words slipped out as if they were. âI have a daughter.âÂ
Silence.Â
Nothing happened at first.Â
But then, the cold, emotionless mask on Ward Cameronâs face crackedâfast. Rafe knew how rarely his father was caught off guard. Ward Cameron was always in control. Nothing ever truly rattled him.Â
But this did.Â
Ward locked eyes with his son. âWhat did you just say?â There was real surprise in his voice. He wasnât angry yetâhe was still in shock. Of course he was.Â
Rafe pushed forward, fast. Because if he stopped, if Ward got a word in first, this conversation would be over before it even began. His father would rip him to shreds before he got the chance to explain. So Rafe took his shot.Â
âYou remember my ex girlfriend. She was pregnant before she left the island. And before you start yelling, Dadâshe didnât tell me. Well, she did. But Iââ he exhaled sharply, âI did things I regret. And she left. Didnât tell me where she was going. And now sheâs back in the Outer BanksââÂ
BAM!Â
Ward slammed his fist against the table. Even Rose jumped at the sudden outburst, but Rafe only shut his eyes for a moment. Of course, his father wasnât going to take this news and wrap it up in a nice little bow. He wasnât going to pull him in for a hug and celebrate.Â
âWhat the fuck are you talking about?!â Wardâs voice boomed through the house, echoing so loudly it almost sounded like it came from another room.Â
Rose rolled her eyes, letting out a dry, sarcastic laugh. âJesusâare you actually determined to embarrass us in front of the entire island?âÂ
Rafeâs eyes narrowed. His face remained unreadable. His father yelling at him wasnât surprising. Heâd expected nothing else.Â
But then Ward twisted the knife. âHow hard was it to get rid of a baby?!âÂ
Rafe froze.Â
For a moment, all he could hear was his own breathing. His chest tightened. His fists clenched even harder. He didnât even know what to say.Â
The words had left his fatherâs mouth so effortlessly, like it was that simple. Like it had ever been his decision to make.Â
âShe didnât want to.âÂ
Didnât want to. You didnât want to. You and him disagreed, and this is what happened. What the hell else was he supposed to do? Force you?Â
He would never do that.Â
Ward ground his teeth, stepping closer. His face twisted with a fury that wouldâve terrified most people. But Ward was his father. Rafe had grown up with that look.Â
âAnd you just accepted it?! Like some weak little coward?!âÂ
The air in the room turned suffocating.Â
The sharp rage in Ward Cameronâs eyes sliced through the room like a blade. His glare was the same as it had always beenâdecades of disappointment staring right back at him. And if there had been even the smallest shred of hope left in his father, Rafe was watching it disappear in real time.Â
But he didnât look away. He wasnât a kid anymore.Â
âWhat the hell was I supposed to do, Dad?â His voice was steady, firmâbut underneath, there was a rage that had been building for years. A rage he had buried, silenced, ignored. And now, it was boiling over. âDrag her by the arm and force her into a clinic?âÂ
His fingers curled tighter at the thought. The very idea made his stomach churn.Â
Forcing you to go to a clinic. Seeing the hatred in your eyes. Doing something youâd never forgive him for.Â
The thought made him sick.Â
Not to mention, you wouldnât have let him. If heâd even tried, you wouldâve fought him off, and he wouldnât put it past you to run him over with a car right after.Â
âYouâre forgetting something,â Rafe said, without hesitation. âShe is the woman Iâm in love.âÂ
Love.Â
When was the last time heâd actually said that out loud? He could barely remember. For years, he had barely spoken about you to anyone. But now, standing in front of his father, he didnât waver.Â
Saying it felt strange. Almost foreign.Â
Ward let out a slow breath, shaking his head. His eyes held a cold, almost amused expression. He didnât even care that his son was standing his ground. To him, Rafe was still that same pathetic little kid. Still nothing.Â
âHow do you still manage to surprise me?â Ward said, tilting his head slightly. âYou keep making the dumbest goddamn choicesâdo you have any idea how exhausting it is to clean up your messes?âÂ
Clean up.Â
Rafeâs jaw tightened. His father had never seen him as a person. Just a problem to fix. A mess that needed to be dealt with. And Ward Cameronâs number one priority in life was making sure nothing stained his perfect little world.Â
But this time, Rafe wasnât going to let him erase this. This wasnât a problem. And he hadnât come here for his father to handle it.Â
âDadââ Rafe started, but Ward cut him off.Â
âShut up!â Wardâs voice snapped through the air like a whip.Â
Rafe lifted his head. His father was closer now, his face twisted with anger. And in his eyes, just beneath the surface, there was that familiar flicker of something more dangerousâsomething Rafe had known since childhood.Â
But he wasnât afraid anymore.Â
Wardâs voice dropped, turning cold. âWhatâs her name?âÂ
Rafe hesitated. He hadnât expected him to ask that. He had expected more yelling, more insults, more dismissals. But thisâthis was calculated.Â
This meant she wasnât even a person to him. She was a number. A problem to eliminate.Â
Rafe swallowed. He didnât want to tell him.Â
âDad, listenââ he tried again.Â
But Wardâs voice cut through the room, even sharper.
âI asked for a name, Rafe.â His voice carried an impatient growl. It was a warning. A threat. His father saw his silence as defiance.Â
Rafe narrowed his eyes, straightening his posture just enough to show he wasnât the obedient son he used to be. But he exhaled slowly, keeping his tone measuredâno need to set fire to the whole house just yet.Â
âLiliana.â He came here to say it. To stop holding back. To stop hiding it.Â
Ward nodded, considering it for a few seconds. Then, with that same ice-cold tone, he asked, âDoes she carry the family name?âÂ
Rafeâs breath hitched. He knew exactly why that mattered. The name was ownership.Â
And Liliana⊠she didnât have his last name.Â
âNo.âÂ
Wardâs eyes narrowed. âDoes she want it?âÂ
For the first time, Rafe genuinely hesitated.Â
He didnât know.Â
They had never talked about it. That wasnât his decision to make. Giving Liliana his last nameâclaiming her in that wayâwasnât something he could just decide on a whim. It wasnât his right. Hell, she barely even knew him yet.Â
So, he couldnât lie.Â
âIâI donât know.âÂ
Ward exhaled sharply, shaking his head in instant disapproval. The look in his eyes was disgust.Â
âI canât believe Iâm still cleaning up after you like youâre a goddamn child.â Then, just as fast, he turned to Rose. A plan was already forming in his eyes. âRose.â His voice was crisp, final. âSort it out. Write a check to the mother. Whatever it takesâletâs put an end to this nonsense.âÂ
Rafeâs eyes widened. His breath quickened. Just hearing it made his stomach churn. âThe hell are you talking about?!â He stepped forward, gaze locked on his father. âThatâs not why I came here.âÂ
Ward raised an eyebrow, as if truly surprised. âExcuse me?â His voice dripped with condescension, like he was warning Rafe to watch his next words carefully.Â
Rose looked at Rafe now. The only thing in her eyes was disappointment.Â
Rafe shook his head, hands running through his hair in frustration. âI didnât come here so you could write a damn check.âÂ
He really didnât get it. His father still thought money could fix everything.Â
Buy out his mistakes. Sweep them under the rug.Â
But this wasnât a mistake. Liliana wasnât a mistake.Â
âAnd what other possible reason could you have for being here?â Ward asked, voice sharp.Â
Rafe met his fatherâs gaze, unwavering. And then, with steady defiance, he answered. âIâm going to meet her.âÂ
A silence settled in the room.Â
Rafe didnât flinch. Didnât back down. âIâm going to be her father. Iâll be there for her andââÂ
Ward scoffed, shaking his head in mock amusement before letting out a bitter laugh. âOh, fuck off.â It was dismissal. Pure and simple.Â
Rose sighed, her voice soft, coaxing. âRafe⊠youâre not thinking this through. Do you realize what this could do to us? To the company? Sheâs an illegitimate child.âÂ
Something inside Rafe cracked.Â
Ward let out an irritated breath. He turned to Rose with a sharp, almost amused glare. âOh, look at you. Talking to him like he has the capacity to understand.â His jaw clenched. âIf he had a shred of intelligence, he wouldnât be in this situation to begin with.âÂ
âThatâs enough.â Rafe shot back instantly, voice firmâbut before he could continue, his father cut him off.Â
âNo, whatâs enough is you.â Ward stepped forward, eyes dark and menacing. âNone of what you just said is happening. Do you understand me? None of it.âÂ
But Rafe didnât lower his gaze. For the first time in his life, he felt like he had fully stepped out of his fatherâs shadow.Â
This wasnât his decision to make. Liliana wasnât his to control.Â
Rafe is her father. And when it came to herâany decisions, any choicesâhe would be the one making them. Not Ward.Â
âYou donât hold my leash anymore. Not now. Not ever.â His voice was low, steady, unwavering.Â
If there was any decision to be made about Liliana, it would be his. Not this manâs.Â
To hell with his reputation.Â
âIâm telling you because I gave my word.âÂ
Wardâs eyes darkened. He stepped closer, tension crackling between them like a live wire. âIf this damages our reputation in any wayââÂ
Rafe didnât even let him finish. His voice was deadly quiet. âIf you ever try to threaten them againââ He held his fatherâs gaze, his own filled with something darker, sharper. âThatâs when things will really get messy, Dad.âÂ
Ward exhaled harshly. A dry, humorless chuckle escaped his lips. He stared at Rafe with pure disdain. That lookâthe one that told him he was a disappointmentâwasnât new. And it wouldnât be the last time.Â
âYou,â Ward muttered, voice dripping with disgust. âYou are my biggest regret.âÂ
Rafe smiled. It wasnât a smirk of victory. It wasnât smug satisfaction. It was quieter. Smaller. Like something had finally settled inside him. Like years of resentment had finally burned away into something else. Indifference. No expectations. No fear.Â
Just the cold, quiet certainty that he no longer cared.Â
"Pathetic." His voice was quiet, but sharp. The weight of that single word settled into the room like a heavy fog. When Rafe looked at his fatherâs face, he realized he didnât even care whether the regret in his voice was genuine. It didnât matter. Ward Cameron could regret, he could hate, he could burn with rage or act as if he couldnât care less. But none of it reached Rafe anymore.Â
"But that regret isn't strong enough to erase my existence. I, however, am." He stepped forward, closing the already narrow space between them.Â
There was no fear in his expression. No anger, either. Just something resolute, something unwavering. And in Rafeâs eyes, there was something Ward had never been accustomed to seeingâperhaps something he had never wanted to see. Confidence.Â
Ward lifted his chin slightly, his face as hard as stone. The man who had spent years speaking with sharp authority and smug indifference was now standing in front of a son who refused to cower, his brows furrowed as he tried to suppress his irritation. But it was there. The frustration seethed just beneath his controlled exterior, slipping through the cracks in his composure.Â
"I'm the one who put you in charge of the company, Rafe," Ward said, his voice slicing through the air like a blade. "I can just as easily take it away."Â
Rafe let out a breath of amusementâlow, dismissive. He tilted his head just slightly, studying his father with something akin to pity.Â
How many times had he heard that exact threat? How many times had he believed it?Â
He remembered the panic it used to stir in him, the way it used to feel like a noose tightening around his neck. Back then, he had thought his father could destroy him, wipe him from existence with a snap of his fingers. But now?Â
Now, he only smiled.Â
"Not while I own shares."Â
His voice was calm. Unshaken. There was no challenge in his tone, no outburst of defianceâjust a simple, immovable fact.Â
Wardâs frown deepened, as if trying to comprehend the shift. As if only now realizing that Rafe wasnât just arguing with himâhe was drawing a line in the sand. A real one.Â
"I'm telling you this," Rafe said, his voice firm. "Not asking for your permission." The air in the room seemed to drop a few degrees. "I have a daughter."Â
A barely perceptible flicker crossed Wardâs expression, but he said nothing.Â
Rafe, however, felt something tighten in his throat the second the words left his mouth. Saying it out loudâespecially to his fatherâmade it real in a way he hadnât fully prepared for. It made it final. There was no taking it back. And once that truth had been spoken into existence, he knew nothing would ever be the same again.Â
But he wouldn't take it back.Â
"And I wonât ignore her," Rafe continued, swallowing hard but refusing to waver. His voice, steady and sure, sliced through the heavy silence.Â
Ward inhaled deeply. He didn't break eye contact, but the tension in his jaw gave him away.Â
"Iâm not you," Rafe added. His voice didnât rise, didnât falter. He just stated it as it was. "Thatâs the difference between us."Â
Wardâs expression went completely cold. The anger was there, of courseâbut beneath it, beneath the hard lines of his face, was something else. A realization. The unmistakable recognition that he had lost control of his son. Completely.Â
Finally, Ward clenched his jaw and spoke, voice razor-sharp. "Get out."Â
The words hung in the air, less of a command and more of a curse. A punctuation mark to a conversation that had just rewritten the rules between them.Â
Rafe tilted his head slightly, let his gaze linger on his father for just a second longer. Then, without losing that faint, knowing smile, he answered.Â
"Gladly."Â
And without looking back, he walked out the door.
That was never the point. Not from the start.Â
It wasnât the fights or the way things kept spiraling between them. No matter how much of a mess things became, it had never been about that.Â
He couldnât react properly. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him, but JJ just... didn't know what to do. Not once in his life had he dealt with something like this. This was a first.Â
Catching feelings for his best friend.Â
He had no idea how to handle it. Every time he tried to fix things, that stupid part of him kicked in and somehow made everything worse. Even when he just wanted to sit down and talk things out, it always turned into a disaster. And he knewâhe fucking knewâthat it was all on him.Â
He just couldnât do it. It was too much. His mind felt like it was playing tricks on him, like he couldnât think straight. Every time he so much as thought about you and that idiot, his entire perspective shifted.Â
But deep down, he knew that wasnât the real fear.Â
JJ had been with you for five years. Every single day. Under the same roof, in the same home. You cooked together, you ate togetherâyou raised a child together.Â
He got used to you. So used to your presence that he couldnât function without it. And it wasnât just about getting used to you. You became a part of his life. The missing piece that finally clicked into place. You werenât just thereâyou were whole. You, JJ, and Liliana.Â
And he was terrified of losing you. Of losing Liliana, of watching her warm up to Rafe and realizing she didnât need JJ anymore. Of seeing that look in your eyes againâthe one you used to have at parties five years ago when you looked at Rafe like he was your entire world.Â
Because he remembered.Â
JJ remembered what you and Rafe had been like. The way you looked at each other, the way you kissed. Back then, it hadnât even registered to him. But the closer he got to you, the clearer those memories became.Â
And he hated remembering every single one of them.Â
Because you loved him. You loved Rafe. And there wasnât a single soul on that island who didnât know it. Not just you. No matter how much he wanted to pretend otherwise, Rafe loved you too.Â
That was the scary part. If it had happened once, it could happen again. You had felt that way beforeâwhat was stopping you from feeling it again?Â
In Asheville, it had been just you, Liliana, and JJ.Â
But ever since you came back here, JJ felt like he was losing his mind.Â
Ever since you kissed him, he hadnât been able to focus. He was getting lost in you. Every second that he didnât tell you, it ate away at himâbut he just couldnât say it.Â
You were air, and he needed to breathe.Â
You were water, and he was parched.Â
JJ needed you to survive, but he was so fucking stupid.Â
He always had been. Always. His entire life. But for the past five years, he mustâve been extra stupid.Â
How the hell did someone mistake being in love with their best friend for something else?Â
How was he supposed to see you as just a friend when he could barely breathe without you? You werenât just his best friend. You were his closest person. His safest place. But to JJ, you were something more. You had been for years. You were the woman he loved and his best friend all in one.Â
And he was so fucking blind. So unbelievably stupid.Â
It didnât sit right with him. Loving you felt wrong somehow. Like he wasâwhat? Taking advantage of you? But he wasnât.Â
All JJ ever wanted was for you to be at peace. And yet, he was the one messing with that peace.Â
He had been such an emotionally stunted idiot that he practically turned himself into a fucking rock just to avoid admitting his feelings. And the second he stepped out of that house, he regretted it. But what the hell was he even supposed to say?Â
âYou kissed me. It felt weird because, actually, Iâm in love with you, and you definitely only see me as your best friend. So instead of telling you, Iâm just running away from you?â
Maybe.Â
Well, yeah. Maybe that was exactly it.Â
Shit.Â
Of course, he shouldâve talked to you. It was just really fucking hard.Â
He was scared of losing you. Not just to Rafeâbut of losing what you had altogether.Â
When he walked out of that house that night, he wasnât thinking. He had no plan, no idea where he was even going. It wasnât like he had meant to stay away for three days. He just... didn't know how to talk to you.Â
âYouâre the dumbest man Iâve ever met. You know that, right?âÂ
JJ lowered his head as Cleo grabbed his beer and stood up. He didnât look at her.Â
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pope clear his throat and shoot Cleo a warning look. He didnât need Pope to warn her. JJ was already painfully aware of everything.Â
âAnd a coward.â Cleo scoffed. âDonât look at me like that, Pope. If thereâs someone who needs to hear it, itâs JJ. Heâs our friend too. And I think he deserves better than being a pathetic idiot who canât admit his feelings.âÂ
She turned to walk off the porch without looking back.Â
JJ lifted his head, about to argue, but Cleo was already goneâlike a storm passing through before you even had the chance to take cover.Â
And the worst part?Â
She was right. He hadnât said a single damn thing about his feelings. Not a single word about what was going on in his head.Â
And yet, she knew. Of course, she did.Â
Because this?Â
This was exactly the kind of shit a coward would do.
âDonât mind Cleo. You know she just wants the best for both of you.â Pope placed a reassuring hand on JJâs back, giving it a small pat. JJâs shoulders slumped.Â
He shook his head. He didnât think he deserved any sympathy. âCleoâs right. Iâm justâa fucking idiot. Thatâs what this is.âÂ
His phone buzzed on the table, the notification lighting up the screen. But when JJ glanced at it, the message wasnât what caught his attention. It was the wallpaper. The one photo he could never bring himself to change. You and Liliana.Â
âEven when it comes to feelings?â Popeâs voice reached him, but honestly, JJ just wanted to keep looking at the photo for a little longer. He couldnât take his eyes off of you and Liliana.Â
The way you were smiling at the cameraâit almost made his lips twitch into a smile, too. You were happy. Just like before you came back here.Â
âYes.â The word slipped out before he could stop it. He didnât even try to. Maybe because, for once, he wanted to stop lying about this. To himself, to anyone. What was the point?Â
âYou know thatâs not wrong, rightââÂ
JJ was already shaking his head before Pope could finish. But Pope straightened up, refusing to let it go.Â
âCleo and I were best friends. Sarah and John B were best friends. Thereâs nothing wrong withââÂ
âItâs not the same.â JJ shook his head harder this time. There was a scream inside him, clawing to get out. At who, at what, he didnât know. He just wanted to let it out. When Pope opened his mouth to argue again, JJ turned to him sharply.Â
âIâve lived with her for five years, you guys caught feelings in a few months. I never once looked at her that way. Never once even had the thought ofâof touching her cross my mind. Theyâre my family.â JJâs lips pressed into a hard line. The tip of his nose stung.Â
When no one else was there, you were. And when you had no one else, he was there. You chose each other. You werenât just friends. You werenât just people who happened to live together. You were a family. You were built for this. JJâs family was never his father. And sure, for a long time, his family had been the Pogues, but the bond he built with youâsomewhere along the way, that changed everything.Â
âSo donât stand there and tell me this isnât wrong. I wasnât born yesterday. Iâve never had a real familyânot in the way I should have. No offense. And now that I do, Iâm not about to lose it just because of a few stupid feelings.â JJ clenched his fists, trying to keep his frustration in check. He wasnât mad at Pope. He was mad at himself.Â
Popeâs eyebrows lifted slightly. He leaned in closer, resting his arms on the table. âJust so you knowâyouâre not gonna lose them. But if you do, itâs not gonna be because of your âfew stupid feelings.â Itâs gonna be because youâre acting like a blind idiot.âÂ
Pope tapped on JJâs phone screen, making it light up again. Your and Lilianaâs picture glowed in the dim light of the porch. âIf you donât wanna lose them, then stop acting like you do. Because youâve been here for two fucking daysâand hey, I donât mind, youâre always welcome. But every day you stay here instead of going home is another step closer to losing them. Open your eyes.âÂ
JJ looked up, locking eyes with his friend. Popeâs expression was unreadable, but his voice left no room for argument.Â
JJ swallowed hard. He had nothing to say. Not because he didnât want to. But because he didnât know how to.Â
Even with how much of a goddamn idiot heâd been these past few days, he had no idea how to fix any of this.Â
His gaze flickered back toward the house heâd left behind.Â
Funny, how leaving could become a habit. This was the second time heâd walked out of that house after a fight. Again, both of you ended up hurt. Again, neither of you deserved it.Â
His fingers curled into fists at Popeâs words echoing in his head. Of course he was right. Everyone was right these daysâeveryone but JJ. Pope was always right. Always the one with the advice, always the one who never seemed to screw up.Â
JJ wished he could be like that. Maybe if he had even a little bit of Popeâs level-headedness, he wouldnât have made half the mistakes he had. He didnât regret his past mistakesânot really. They made him who he was.Â
But the mistakes he made after meeting you? He regretted every single one.Â
And this latest one? The biggest one?Â
Kissing you.Â
Again.Â
One week later, heâd kissed you again. And not once did it feel wrong. It felt complete.Â
But it shouldnât have been like that. Not after a fight. Not out of anger, not out of frustration. If he was ever going to kiss you, it shouldâve been because he told you how he felt. Because you wanted him to. Because you felt the same way.Â
His hands were trembling. He looked down at them, sucking in a shaky breath.
Leaving the house had been a mistakeâjust like every word that had ever come out of his mouth.Â
When his gaze lifted from the ground and met the door once again, the weight of everything inside him became unbearable. He wasn't going to let this happen again.Â
He took quick steps toward the door, retracing the path he'd just walked. He wasnât leaving this house again. He wasnât leaving you and Liliana again. This wasnât just hurting himâit was hurting you too. Not again.Â
He swung the door open and stepped inside. He knew the way by heart.Â
And when he reached the kitchen, he saw you again.Â
Your hands were gripping the edge of the counter so tightly it looked like you needed it to stay upright. If you let go, youâd collapse. You looked so fragileâlike youâd shatter the second you lost your hold. And when he saw the silent tears slipping between your tightly shut eyelids, JJâs heart clenched in his chest.Â
Your lips were pressed together, trembling slightly. It was like you were trying to keep any sound from escaping, crying in the quietest way possible.Â
JJâs breath caught in his throat. He knew heâd let you down in every possible way, but seeing you like this? It felt like someone had poured boiling water down his spine.Â
He wanted to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to do anythingâeverythingâto make you forgive him. Fuck loveâhe didnât care about love anymore. If staying by your side as a friend for the rest of his life meant youâd never have to cry again, heâd take it. If letting Rafe back into your life meant youâd be happy, heâd accept it.Â
Just so youâd smile again. Just so youâd never cry because of him again.Â
He took a step forward without thinking, but the second the wooden floor creaked beneath his foot, your eyes fluttered open. One of your hands lifted from the counter, moving toward your face as your gaze locked with his.Â
JJâs mind blanked the second he saw your tear-streaked, flushed face. Every thought, every word he had lined up in his head vanished in an instant. That was the effect you had on himâyour gaze, your presence, your touch. Everything else faded away.Â
You were the only thing that was real. The only thing that stayed white in a world drowning in black. And no matter what anyone said, no matter how much darkness tried to creep in, that wouldnât change. You were untouchable.Â
Then your lips curledânot into a smile, but something bitter, something that twisted a knife in his chest. "What is it now? Thinking of some other words to tear me apart?"Â
Your voice shook. Because of him. Because he had made you cry.Â
JJ nearly dropped his head in shame. He never should've left. Not again. "No," he murmured, barely above a whisper. His head shook on its own, as if trying to erase every mistake, every word that had brought you to this moment. If he could take it all back, he would.Â
But he couldnât.Â
So he stood there, waiting for a miracleâknowing damn well miracles didnât exist.Â
He had to let it go. Every ounce of anger, every bit of resentment. He had to let it all go.Â
You had to know the truth.Â
âNo?â A hollow laugh slipped through your lips, your arms wrapping tightly around yourself. Your head dropped for a second, but when you lifted it again, the brief moment of humor was gone. Your face twisted with nothing but fury. âNo? Are you fucking kidding me? Then why are you still here?âÂ
You stormed forward, shoving him in the chest. JJ stumbled back. And you did the same, like you had to put as much distance between you as possible.Â
JJ didnât know what to do.Â
He couldnât lose you. He couldnât lose Liliana. He couldnât.Â
âIââÂ
âYou what? What the hell are you gonna say this time? First, you come home and ruin my entire mood! You pick a fight with me, and thenâand thenââ Your voice cracked, but it didnât stop you. It only made your anger burn hotter. You ran your hands through your hair, pacing in the kitchen like you had no idea what to do with yourself.Â
âI didnât know what to doâIâm sorry. I messed upââ JJ tried, but you didnât let him finish.Â
âOh, fuck off! Messed up?! Who the hell do you think youâre fooling? You think this is some tiny little mistake? A fight we can just get over, just brush under the rug?â You stepped back, leaning against the counter as your eyes burned holes into him.Â
JJ wanted to say something, anything, but he just clenched his jaw.Â
The tears on your face were still fresh. Your eyes were red, raw, and swollen. And knowing that he was the reason for it? That he was the one who had broken you like this? It was disgusting.Â
He hadnât realized it would go this far. He hadnât realized he could hurt you this much.Â
A dry, humorless laugh escaped your lips, and JJ inhaled sharply. He stood there, listening, because he knew you needed to let it out.Â
âAnd the worst part? Youâre not even apologizing for any of that,â you spat, voice dripping with venom. âNot for the fights. Not for the last week of absolute hell. Not for all the shit you put me through. No. Youâre apologizing becauseâbecause you kissed me? Thatâs whatâs too much for you?âÂ
JJ shook his head frantically, wanting to cut in, to explain himself, but you didnât give him the chance.Â
âThatâs your fucking line?â you yelled. âThatâs the thing that crossed the line for you?! Not hurting me, not leaving Liliana waiting for you every damn day, but that? Kissing me?âÂ
Your voice was so loud it felt like it shook the whole house.Â
JJ knew he had no right to be concerned, but he was. He wanted to tell you to breathe, to calm downâbut he didnât. He just looked at you. He accepted every word.Â
âNoââÂ
âWhat the hell is wrong with you?!â you screamed. Your hands moved as if you were going to grab him, but at the last second, you stopped yourself, pulling back like even touching him was a mistake.
JJ⊠he just accepted your anger. If anything, he preferred you lashing out at him rather than enduring silence.Â
"I'm sorry for everything. Justâ not for the kiss." JJ's voice came out hoarse. Your back was turned to him. He watched your whole body tremble. Even as you clung tightly to the counter, you didnât look okay.Â
You were shaking. Crying. But it was so silent that if the house werenât dead quiet, JJ wouldnât have heard a thing.Â
He took a step forward and reached out a hand. But before he could touch you, you wiped your tears away and turned. JJ immediately took a step back.Â
"Why⊠What did I do to you?" Watching the tears slowly roll down your cheeks was hard. JJ averted his gaze. The heaviness in his chestâhis guiltâwas suffocating. And he knew it.Â
Your tears were for him. Because of him.Â
You were hurting. Because of him.Â
JJ opened his mouth, but not a single sound came out. The man who had been shouting just moments ago had gone completely quiet.Â
"Leave..." Your voice was so weak that JJ's heart stuttered. He shook his head instantly, firm in his stance.Â
"Not this time." His voice was steady, resoluteâjust like him. He wasnât leaving. He wasnât running away.Â
And finally, it happened. Your fists landed against his chest. But it was weak. Like you had no strength left in you. JJ stumbled back a little but held his ground.Â
"You had no problem leaving the last two times, so why not go againâ" JJ couldnât even look at your face. Every weak punch against his chest dug into his soul.Â
No, it didnât hurt. It was you who was hitting him. Even if he wanted it to hurt, it wouldnât.Â
"Get out!" The moment you screamed in his face, JJâs eyes squeezed shut. Somewhere deep inside, maybe he knew he should leave. But he wasnât going to.Â
Even if you wanted him gone, even if you hit him to make him leave, he wouldnât budge an inch. Not until you gave him a real explanation.Â
"I'm not going." He shook his head, your fists still pressing against his chest.Â
"You are! Youâre going to get the hell out! Andâ And youâre going to take your stuff with youâ" Your punches stopped. You turned away, heading toward the stairs, but JJ moved fast, grabbing your wrists.Â
"I donât want to leave." He spoke while looking straight into your eyes, as if trying to show you how serious he was. But you? You werenât having it. "I donât want to do this. So pleaseâplease stop trying to push me away."Â
You struggled, trying to free your wrists, but JJ held on tight. "Youâre selfish! Selfish and a coward! You didnât even have the guts to apologize! Not even after coming home three nights late! I waited for you! Like an idiot! I waited!" Your voice was shaking. You were crying so hard it was difficult to even talk, to breathe.Â
Your eyes were squeezed shut. You werenât even looking at him. The tears wouldnât stop. "Why are you doing this to me?"Â
"Because Iâm jealous!" The words shot out of JJâs mouth, and suddenly, the only sound left in the house was your ragged sobs.Â
Your eyes were still closed. But as your crying began to slow, you slowly opened them.Â
"I lost control. The thought of losing youâof leaving LilianaâI lost everything."Â
Finally, saying it out loud, JJ felt the weight in his chest ease. Just a little. Even if he still hadnât admitted why he did it, at least acknowledging the emotions that came with it felt like a small relief.Â
But was he brave enough to tell you he loved you? He didnât know. He could lose both you and Liliana, and he wasnât the kind of man to gamble with things like that.Â
As much as he liked to play games, he would never play with you.Â
That would cross a line.Â
"So thatâs why you fucked the last two weeks of my life⊠Was it really that hard to just talk to me?" When you looked at him with tear-filled eyes, JJ swore his heart stopped for a second. He could try to change the subject, pretend it wasnât what it was, but he was so damn tired of running.Â
And you? You were tired of this game too. You didnât have the energy for it anymore. Not when you looked so exhausted standing in front of him.Â
"It was hard," he admitted without thinking. Even though a part of him told him to shut up, he didnât. He didnât want to keep silent anymore. He didnât want to keep hurting you. No, he wasnât brave enough to bring up the wedding night just yet, but he wanted to fix things.Â
Even if this was just an excuse, it was the truth. JJ was hiding things, but only because he didnât want to hurt you more than he already had.Â
"Iâm jealous. I hate that asshole. I hate that Liliana has to meet with him. The thought of you looking at him the way you used to look at meâit drives me insane. I hate that you might believe himâ"Â
You shook your head. You tried once more to pull your wrists free. "You never really knew me, did you? Not at all."Â
"I didnât think⊠I justâ I couldnât do it. Thinking about the two of youâit messes with my head." JJâs eyes searched yours. He just wanted you to understand. Even if you didnât forgive him, he just wanted you to understand.Â
"Is that why you kissed me?" You sniffled. Until now, you hadnât even realized how close you were. Barely a breath apart, his hands still wrapped around your wrists, holding them close to his chest.Â
"No." JJ blurted it out so fast. Like he wasnât even thinking. Like the confidence in his voice from earlier had completely vanished.Â
"Then why?"Â
Your tears had dried up. You were looking deep into his eyes, searching for answers. Even though there were so many things you wanted him to explain, you couldn't erase the feelings he had stirred in you.Â
"Because I wanted to."Â
"Thatâs it? You just felt like it in the moment andâ"Â
Before you could finish, JJ slowly let go of your wrists. He hopedâreally hopedâyou wouldnât start hitting his chest again. But he didnât move an inch from where he stood.Â
"It wasnât just a feeling. I wanted it."Â
Your eyes narrowed. It still felt like he was toying with you. Like heâd walk away againâjust like he always did.Â
"So, what? Do you just kiss people whenever you feel like it?" You wiped the last of your drying tears from your cheeks, keeping your stance firm.Â
As much as his excuse didnât justify the hell heâd put you through for the past week, you wanted to trust that he wouldnât leave again. You wanted to believe him.Â
"No." JJ shook his head, his voice steady.Â
Your brows raised slightly. You sniffled.Â
"I havenât kissed anyone in two years. No one but you."Â
Saying it out loud wasnât easy. Maybe your only kiss should have stayed in the pastâon your wedding night. Maybe there shouldnât have been another.Â
And yet, here he was, still feeling the ghost of your lips against his. He had come back to apologize, to explain himselfâbut somehow, he had completely forgotten that the two of you would have to talk about the kiss.Â
Of course, you were going to talk about it.Â
JJ had kissed you.Â
And now, as you stood there in front of him, lips still swollen, he had to force himself to look at anything but your mouth. He focused on you. Only you.Â
On this conversation, on every single word you said.Â
He wouldnât interrupt you again. He wouldnât disrespect you again.Â
Today, you were going to talk.Â
"How am I supposed to forgive you?"Â
The words stung. Because the truth was, JJ didnât know.Â
Not only did he not know how you could forgive himâhe didnât even know how to explain himself.Â
What if it had been the other way around?Â
If you had done this to him, how would he have forgiven you? What could you have said to make him move past it?Â
There was a sharp pain in the center of his chest. Like a knife had been lodged there.Â
If falling to his knees and begging for forgiveness would fix this, he would have done it in a heartbeat.Â
But he wouldnât lie to you.Â
"I donât know." His voice was barely above a whisper. He exhaled sharply, head dropping forward.Â
"I donât know either."Â
Your voice was hoarse, but you didnât look away. You kept your eyes on him. Your lips trembled slightly downward.Â
"Iâll wait." JJ spoke carefully, watching your reaction. "Iâm not leaving, but Iâll wait⊠If you let me."Â
His words wavered, like he was trying to gauge your response even as he spoke them.Â
You said nothing.Â
That wasnât the reaction he had expected, and honestly, your silence was worse than anything else you couldâve said.Â
Not knowing what to do, he took a step closer.Â
He felt helplessâbecause he was.Â
Pope had been right about everything. JJ was so afraid of losing you that he had been the one pushing you away all along.Â
He wanted to take back every fight, every argument. He regretted hurting you more than anything, but the anger inside him still hadnât disappeared.Â
Even now, a part of him still burned with jealousy over Rafe.Â
But this time, he wasnât going to let that anger hurt you again.Â
Not again.Â
Fixing this wasnât going to be easy.Â
JJ took another quick step forward, his movements deliberate.Â
This time, he was asking for permission to stay.Â
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly.Â
"If you donât want me here, I get it. But I canâtâI canât do this without you. Without Liliana." His voice was almost emotionless, but deep down, he was hoping youâd accept it. Even though he was technically leaving the choice to you, he was desperate for you to say yes.Â
He stood still, waiting.Â
The occasional sniffle was the only remaining sign of your crying, aside from your red-rimmed eyes.Â
JJ replayed your voice in his head, remembering the moment you told him to leave. The longer you stayed silent now, the longer time stretched on.Â
It probably hadnât been that longâmaybe just a few seconds. But for JJ, it felt endless.Â
Every second you didnât answer, his heart pounded harder.Â
He used to be so sure of you. Before all this, he wouldâve known exactly what your response would be.Â
But now? Now, he had no clue.Â
You werenât the kind of people who fought like this. Sure, you bickered sometimes, but it never lasted more than a few minutes. And then things would go back to normal.Â
This was different.Â
This was your first real fight.Â
Okay, maybe the third. But since they had all been about the same thing, it felt like the first.Â
JJ tried to keep his gaze on you, but you wouldnât meet his eyes.Â
Your lips parted slightlyâthen closed again.Â
He could tell you were struggling to make a decision.Â
And that terrified him.Â
You could tell him to stay.Â
But you could just as easily tell him to leave.Â
Finally, you lifted your gaze, sniffling once more before clearing your throat. You took a deep breath.Â
It almost felt like you were dragging it out just to make him suffer. And it was working.Â
JJ was dying inside waiting for your answer.Â
Straightening your posture, you spoke.Â
"If you walk out that door one more time⊠thereâs no coming back. You need to know that."
His words were like drinking ice-cold water on a scorching day or stepping into warmth after being out in the coldârefreshing, comforting. It felt like a weight had been lifted off JJâs shoulders.Â
He straightened up quickly, a small smirk tugging at his lips. This was something. You hadnât outright said you forgave him, but this was still a step forward. Maybe it was even a step toward him.Â
JJ found himself nodding almost too eagerly.Â
Before you could change your mind or take back your words, he blurted out, "I wonât." The words were rushed, almost tumbling over themselves.Â
Unlike him, you simply noddedâslow, measured. You wanted him to know that you heard him, that you understood. Your hands clasped in front of you, your gaze locked onto his. And yet, you still felt like you were processing everything that had just happened.Â
Had you decided too quickly? Should you have thought this through more? Was making a decision in the heat of the moment ever the right thing to do?Â
Your eyes stayed on him as you swallowed hard.Â
You werenât sure you could forgive him just yet, but if he walked away againâŠÂ
You werenât sure youâd be able to piece yourself back together.Â
You didnât let it show, but you were relieved he had stepped back inside. Because if he had walked out that door one more time, you had no idea how you wouldâve mended the wound he had left in you.Â
"I want to trust you."Â
God, what a ridiculous sentence. Especially to say to someone who had been closer to you than anyone else ever had. Could a person really change their feelings this much in just one week?Â
But then again, JJ hadnât exactly taken anything from you and refused to give it back.Â
If he hadnât hurt you, if your heart wasnât aching like this, would you have lost your trust in him?Â
You hated that sentence. Because the truth was, you had always trusted him more than you trusted yourself.Â
Even when you had no idea what to do, he always did.Â
He completed you. And you completed him.Â
And now, you couldnât trust him.Â
You had actually said those words to him. You were actually going to try to trust him again. It felt like meeting him all over again.Â
Like being back on that stupid beach, standing there, heart ready to pour out everything you feltâyet hesitant, nervous.Â
Afraid.Â
Because you didnât know how heâd react. Because you couldnât predict his response.Â
Just like that first day.Â
And yet, even back then, you had trusted him enough to open up.Â
He hadnât been a stranger, not really. He had known about Liliana from the very beginning, hadnât he?Â
He had figured it out in the pharmacy, and then at the beach, you had told him everything.Â
Even back then, you had trusted him. Because deep down, you knew he was someone who would keep your secrets safe.Â
Even in those early days, though, he had still managed to break your trust.Â
How ironic.Â
That you had been able to spill your heart to him on a beach when you barely knew him, and nowâafter five years of being by his side every single dayâyou were struggling to believe in him.Â
"I swear I wonât break your trust again."Â
JJâs voice was steady, firm.Â
He wasnât just trying to convince youâhe was convincing himself.Â
When you realized you couldnât keep looking at him any longer, you dropped your gaze to the floor, shifting your weight slightly.Â
You simply nodded. No words. Just a quiet acknowledgment.Â
You didnât need to say anything else.Â
JJ was still JJ.Â
But your silence rattled him.Â
He cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair, restless.Â
"I know I didnât handle things right. I know I acted like an idiot, butâ" He exhaled sharply. "Iâve never dealt with something like this before. Iâve never felt like I was actually going to lose someone. And if I ever have⊠it wasnât you and Liliana."Â
As soon as the words left his mouth, he saw your head snap up.Â
Instant panic flashed through him.Â
Had he said the wrong thing?Â
That tiny bit of confidence he had mustered up while speaking vanished in an instant.Â
Once again, he was lost in the unknown, unsure of where he stood.Â
A hollow smile tugged at your lips, but it wasnât happiness.Â
You almost couldnât believe him. He was still talking about the same thing.Â
Still clinging to whatever story he had told himself, believing in it so fiercely that nothing else could get through.Â
"I never told you I loved Rafe," you said, your voice eerily calm.Â
"I never said I was going to be with him. I never even mentioned anything even remotely close to something like that. JJ, I came to you about a decision. About Lilianaâs future. As her parents, I wanted to discuss it with you."Â
You kept your tone composed. There was no need to turn this into another fight.Â
Not when JJ had practically waved a white flag.Â
Not when he, like you, was finally ready to talk.Â
JJ opened and closed his mouth, shifting uncomfortably in place. "I know, butâdoesnât him seeing Liliana mean youâll have to see him too? You know, back then, years ago⊠everyone saw the way you two looked at each otherâ"Â
He hadnât really thought the words through before saying them.Â
His eyes had drifted away from you, lost in memories from years ago.Â
But you had no patience for this conversation. Especially not when he was acting like he didnât even know you.Â
You cut him off.Â
You werenât even sure what exactly he believed anymore, but whatever it was, he was holding onto it so tightly that he refused to hear anything else.Â
"We, JJ.â
Your voice was firm.Â
You pointed between the two of you, emphasizing your words.Â
JJ inhaled deeply, eyes following your finger before slowly shifting back up to your face.Â
*"If Rafe is seeing Liliana, that means heâs seeing us. As her parents. Not just me, but you too. Youâre just as much a part of this as I am."* When you finished speaking, JJ shook his head. You let out a breath.Â
Even Liliana understood things faster than he did. She could be a handful, sureâbut at least dealing with her wasnât this exhausting.
He was so obsessed with the whole you-and-Rafe thing that, whether you wanted to or not, your mind kept drifting. Heâd admitted he was jealous, sureâbut could it really be true?Â
And it wasnât just that.Â
You cleared your throat as memories surfaced, one after the other.Â
You had kissed.Â
Right? Of course. You had kissed.Â
Blinking rapidly, you forced the thought away. Impossible. If something were going to happen, it wouldâve happened in the past five years.Â
âYouâre still going to be close to himââÂ
His words rattled around in your head, but you refused to focus on them. No way. No way. If it were true, then Rachel, Yasmin, or whatever that other girlâs name wasâhe wouldnât have dated them. He just wouldnât have.Â
Right?Â
You cut yourself off before the thought could spiral. You were convincing yourself of stupid things. Could something like that really be true?Â
You wanted to strangle him. Especially when he acted like he hadnât been by your side for years. âYou want me to trust you, but you donât trust me. Iâm not stupid. I havenât forgotten anything. Itâs all still fresh in my mindâespecially with Liliana as a constant reminder. So stop saying that. This isnât about me and Rafe. This is about Lilianaâs future.âÂ
âI never said I donât trust you.â JJ shook his head. How could he not trust you? You were the only person in this world heâd put his life in the hands of.Â
âI thought we were past this. I thought you were done treating me like an idiot. When I said I was done playing games, I wasnât bluffing.âÂ
JJ exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. Sometimes, he really had no idea what to say. Even when he tried to choose his words carefully, they still came out wrong. Like he was screwing everything up, one sentence at a time.Â
He nodded, resigned. Of course, you were right. You were always right. He was being an idiot. And all because of these ridiculous feelings that had turned him into one. He could barely even look at you. âIâm sorry. Youâre right. Iâof course, I trust you. But you donât get to choose how you feel about someone.âÂ
You let out a slow breath, taking a step closer to him. You knew exactly what you were doing, but you needed him to believe it too. Because he had already played out this entire scenario in his head, and that wasnât fair. âI could be with anyone in the world, and it still wouldnât be Rafe.âÂ
The second the words left your lips, you regretted them.Â
A lie.Â
It wasnât just Rafeâit wasnât anyone. You werenât the kind of person who could just casually talk to multiple people. The thought of being with someone you felt nothing for was disgusting. Especially when your mind was already so clearly set on one person.Â
JJ didnât respond. He just⊠went quiet.Â
And for a moment, you wondered if he was asking himself the same thingâwas he included in that "anyone"? His mind screamed the question, but he bit it back, refusing to let it slip.Â
His silence made you realize that it was finally time to talk about what had started this whole fight in the first place. Even though your argument had pushed it to the back burner, it was still important. âI need to give Rafe an answer. Weâre heading back this weekend. As much as Iâd love to keep arguing with you, I have to put Liliana first. And I know you will too.âÂ
You hated that nearly a full week of your two-week break had been wasted. You were supposed to be here for Cleoâs wedding, to enjoy your time offâand yet, all you had left was a mess of frustration and disappointment.Â
JJ slowly pulled out a chair and sat down, rubbing his nose absentmindedly. Knowing you were leaving this weekend exhausted him. You had come here to relax, but somehow, he felt even more drained than before. More miserable. Thatâs how it always was when he wasnât with you. And the worst part? He had no one to blame but himself.Â
âAre you sure this is what you want? I mean⊠Youâre her mom. You understand how she feels better than I do.âÂ
JJ spoke carefully this time. He wasnât going to make the same mistake again. He wasnât going to let the words slip outâthe words that implied he wasnât her parent. Because he had only said that out of anger.Â
JJ was Lilianaâs parent too.Â
And when he saw the faintest trace of a smile on your lips, even if it was fleeting, he knew youâd caught that. The acknowledgment. That, to him, he wasnât just some extra figure in Lilianaâs life.Â
And that tiny, barely-there smile? God, it made him ridiculously happy.Â
âSheâs not asking questions yet, but one day, she will. When she starts school, sheâll wonder why every other kid calls the man in their life âDad,â but she calls you JJ. Or Uncle.âÂ
JJ didnât hesitate. âIf she wants toâshe can call me Dad.âÂ
The words left him before he could even process them, but he meant it. Even with his mind in a million different places, even with Rafe hovering like a storm cloud in the background, he meant it. If Liliana wanted him to be that person, heâd give her the world. If she called him Dadâwell, then, heâd have the whole damn universe.Â
The thought alone filled his chest with something warm and unshakable.Â
Sure, he was happy being Uncle JJ. But⊠whatever.Â
He couldâve sworn he saw the surprise on your face. Your lips parted slightly, but you spoke quickly, like you didnât want to dwell on it. âOf course she can, but she knows youâre not her father.â You shook your head.Â
JJ didnât take offense. You had both made that decision a long time ago. You had both told her to call him Uncle. This wasnât just on youâit was on him too. So, no, he didnât argue.Â
You were right. Again. As always.Â
âDo you want this?â JJ asked, voice laced with uncertainty. âLiliana meeting Rafe?âÂ
You hesitated before shrugging. âI donât know. I guess⊠I think she deserves better.â
JJ shook his head. He hated the guy. But if he was the right choice for Lilianaâshit. He just couldnât think about this in a positive way. No matter how much he tried to get used to the idea, it wasnât working. He hated Rafe. Every time he saw his face, he wanted to throw a punch, butâhe couldnât. Not this time.Â
âDo you trust Rafe?âÂ
The moment he asked, his eyes locked onto yours, searching for any hesitation, any sign of uncertainty.Â
âFor myself? Absolutely not. For Liliana? Yes. No matter how badly things ended between us, this is her right. And besidesâI have you. And if you and Rafe had switched places, I wouldâve given you a chance to see her too.âÂ
Your voice was as firm as your stance. No room for negotiation. No hesitation.Â
JJ squeezed his eyes shut.Â
Every time he saw that man, he was going to have to keep his hands to himself. Because there was a part of himâone that had been waiting for five yearsâthat wanted nothing more than to knock him to the ground.Â
With a defeated sigh, he exhaled sharply, opening his eyes again. He could only hope he wouldnât regret this. âIf you really think this is the right thing to do, if youâre sure you wonât regret itâthen fine. I approve. Okay.âÂ
But if Rafe hurt Liliana again, JJ wouldnât hold back. Heâd make damn sure he never came near them again. He wasnât going to say that to you, though. No need to start another fight.Â
âAre you sure?â you asked one last time, curiosity laced in your voice.Â
JJ repeated the question in his head. No, he wasnât sure. Not at all. But he trusted you.Â
âYes. For Liliana.âÂ
You nodded, visibly surprised. Maybe you had expected another argument. Maybe you thought heâd start yelling. JJ wasnât sure. What he did know was that you clearly hadnât expected him to actually agree. Well, neither had he.Â
âDo you want me to text him, orâdo you want to call him yourself? I donât know how things ended when you ran into him at the beach butââÂ
JJ stood up, looking at you. He rubbed his eyes because, for some damn reason, they kept wandering to your lips. And that was getting frustrating. Andâhe was grateful you hadnât dragged out the whole kissing thing. Because he could come up with an excuse for almost anything, but that? That, he couldnât explain away.Â
âText him,â he said. âBut when he meets Liliana, I want to be there too.âÂ
Your eyes widened. Even your reaction gave him some relief.Â
âOf course, weâll both be there.âÂ
JJ smiled. He had missed thisâtalking to you like this. He couldnât exactly say youâd waved a white flag, but just being near you again was something heâd missed. Even the faint trace of your perfume in the air.Â
âOkay. And can we talk later? Iââ He hesitated. âI really missed you.âÂ
Watching you was his favorite thing to do. It always had been.Â
MASTERLIST -`âźÂŽ- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank
Summary: Kook!Readerâs world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely personâJJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.
Songs : Like him - Tyler, The Creator / Everything I wanted - Billie Eilish
previous - next
Two days ago, Cameron Estate.
Rafe knew his father was returning from his business trip today. Ward Cameron ran on a schedule as precise as a Swiss watch. The man liked every minute of his day to be planned down to the last detail. His flight time, the exact minute heâd walk through the door, even when heâd unpack his suitcase and step into the showerâit was all set in stone.Â
Once upon a time, Rafe had a set schedule for stepping into this house too. But that was years ago. And back then, his timing never quite fit into his fatherâs plans.Â
This time, Ward Cameron wasnât the one in control.Â
As he stepped out of the car, Rafe shoved his hands deep into his pockets. A cigarette mightâve helped take the edge off, but his hands might start shaking. He took a deep breath, feeling the knot tightening in his stomach. Heâd replayed this moment in his head a thousand times, calculated every possible reaction. But looking the man in the eye and actually saying the wordsâ That was something else entirely.Â
He picked up his pace.Â
When he opened the door, he was greeted by the familiar, suffocating perfection inside. The Cameron estate was always like thisâgrand, ostentatious, and cold. The walls were lined with expensive paintings, but none of them had any life. Just like the people who lived here.Â
His eyes swept across the room quickly.Â
There he was.Â
Ward Cameron, seated at his usual spot at the desk. An open laptop in front of him, a pen in his hand. His brows were slightly furrowed, completely focused on the screen. So deep into his work that he hadnât even noticed his son walking in.Â
Across from him, Rose scribbled something into a notebook, occasionally glancing up to speak. Conversations in the Cameron family were never really conversations. They were business meetings.Â
Rafe held his breath.Â
Facing Ward Cameron was like slamming your head against a brick wall. The man listened with an emotionless, judgmental silence, dissected every word, found the weakest pointâthen struck. Rafe knew the drill.Â
But this time, he wasnât backing down.Â
This wasnât just about him. It was about his daughter, too.Â
He stepped forward, his voice cutting through the room. âHeyâcan we talk for a minute?âÂ
Roseâs head snapped up immediately. Ward, on the other hand, didnât react at all. His eyes stayed glued to the screen. Rafe knew exactly what that meantâhis father had already decided this was a conversation not worth his time.Â
Heâd heard him, obviously. But acknowledging his presence? That was a step too far.Â
As always, to Ward Cameron, Rafe was a ghost.Â
Rose gave him a quick glance, arching an eyebrow. Then, with an exaggerated sigh, she set her notebook down in her lap. That sigh? That wasnât just impatience. That was because she saw him. âRafe, We are really busy. Is this important?âÂ
His fatherâs voice finally echoed through the room, forcing Rafe to take a steadying breath.Â
He didnât even look up.Â
Rafeâs jaw clenched. How had this become a routine? Every conversation started with "Is this really important?" As if heâd ever show up here for something trivial.Â
Not that it mattered.Â
If he had a problem, they wouldnât fix it. Unless it was financial, of course. Because the only thing they truly understood was money.Â
Even if it was their own son.Â
âIt is.â Rafeâs voice came out sharp, like a blade.Â
That, at last, got Ward to look up. Though there wasnât a shred of interest in his eyes. He exhaled slowly. âIs this about business? What happened?âÂ
Of course.Â
If Ward Cameron cared, it had to be about money or the company.Â
Rafe used to be hurt by that. Used to get angry. But by now, he was used to being invisibleâto being treated like something disposable, something to be brushed aside.Â
Didnât mean it didnât piss him off.Â
His brows drew together. âNoââÂ
Rose sighed dramatically, cutting him off. âRafe, if this isnât urgent, your father and I are in the middle of something.âÂ
Oh, of course.Â
Business.Â
Rafe was interrupting the sacred Cameron work schedule. Couldnât possibly be anything more important than that.Â
He let out a humorless breath, lifting his brows as his eyes locked onto Rose.Â
Sometimes, he swore she was messing with him. The only time he ever set foot in this house was when he had a damn reason. He hadnât been here in months, and yet, the second he arrived, it was like he was an inconvenience.Â
It was almost easy to forget when he wasnât around them for a while.Â
Almost.Â
âRose,â he said slowly, voice edged with irritation, âif it wasnât important, do you think Iâd drop everything and come straight here?âÂ
She looked like she was about to respond, but Ward held up a hand, signaling her to stop. Finally, his father actually looked at him. âAlright. Iâm listening.âÂ
About damn time.Â
Rafe tried to steady his breathing. This wasnât easy to say. But putting it off wouldnât make it any easier. He just wanted to get it over with.Â
âIâm not gonna lieâthis isnât easy for meââÂ
âOh my God.â Rose cut him off again, exasperation dripping from her voice.Â
Rafeâs eyes squeezed shut for a second.Â
Her voice cracked through the room like a whip. Then, in th next breath, she turned to Ward, her face sharp with disappointment. âI told* you. And you didnât listen. Heâs back on drugs.âÂ
Rafeâs breath caught. What?Â
His head shook quickly, side to side.
Thatâs what she jumped to? Thatâs where her mind immediately went? After everythingâafter clawing his way out of it, after fighting to prove himselfâthis was still the first assumption?Â
Ward let out a slow breath.Â
Disappointment.Â
That was the only thing on his face. His eyes shut for a moment, fingers pushing his laptop slightly away.Â
Rafeâs teeth clenched so hard his jaw ached.Â
He hated their assumptions. He hated this family.Â
âIâve been clean for three years.â The words ground out between his teeth.Â
âAnd you know that.â He exhaled sharply.Â
Ward shook his head from side to side before turning to Rose. âRose, please.â Like even having this conversation was a waste of time.Â
Rafe clenched his fists. There was no point in dragging this out. The longer he stalled, the weaker heâd look. So he just said it. Even though it wasnât easy, the words slipped out as if they were. âI have a daughter.âÂ
Silence.Â
Nothing happened at first.Â
But then, the cold, emotionless mask on Ward Cameronâs face crackedâfast. Rafe knew how rarely his father was caught off guard. Ward Cameron was always in control. Nothing ever truly rattled him.Â
But this did.Â
Ward locked eyes with his son. âWhat did you just say?â There was real surprise in his voice. He wasnât angry yetâhe was still in shock. Of course he was.Â
Rafe pushed forward, fast. Because if he stopped, if Ward got a word in first, this conversation would be over before it even began. His father would rip him to shreds before he got the chance to explain. So Rafe took his shot.Â
âYou remember my ex girlfriend. She was pregnant before she left the island. And before you start yelling, Dadâshe didnât tell me. Well, she did. But Iââ he exhaled sharply, âI did things I regret. And she left. Didnât tell me where she was going. And now sheâs back in the Outer BanksââÂ
BAM!Â
Ward slammed his fist against the table. Even Rose jumped at the sudden outburst, but Rafe only shut his eyes for a moment. Of course, his father wasnât going to take this news and wrap it up in a nice little bow. He wasnât going to pull him in for a hug and celebrate.Â
âWhat the fuck are you talking about?!â Wardâs voice boomed through the house, echoing so loudly it almost sounded like it came from another room.Â
Rose rolled her eyes, letting out a dry, sarcastic laugh. âJesusâare you actually determined to embarrass us in front of the entire island?âÂ
Rafeâs eyes narrowed. His face remained unreadable. His father yelling at him wasnât surprising. Heâd expected nothing else.Â
But then Ward twisted the knife. âHow hard was it to get rid of a baby?!âÂ
Rafe froze.Â
For a moment, all he could hear was his own breathing. His chest tightened. His fists clenched even harder. He didnât even know what to say.Â
The words had left his fatherâs mouth so effortlessly, like it was that simple. Like it had ever been his decision to make.Â
âShe didnât want to.âÂ
Didnât want to. You didnât want to. You and him disagreed, and this is what happened. What the hell else was he supposed to do? Force you?Â
He would never do that.Â
Ward ground his teeth, stepping closer. His face twisted with a fury that wouldâve terrified most people. But Ward was his father. Rafe had grown up with that look.Â
âAnd you just accepted it?! Like some weak little coward?!âÂ
The air in the room turned suffocating.Â
The sharp rage in Ward Cameronâs eyes sliced through the room like a blade. His glare was the same as it had always beenâdecades of disappointment staring right back at him. And if there had been even the smallest shred of hope left in his father, Rafe was watching it disappear in real time.Â
But he didnât look away. He wasnât a kid anymore.Â
âWhat the hell was I supposed to do, Dad?â His voice was steady, firmâbut underneath, there was a rage that had been building for years. A rage he had buried, silenced, ignored. And now, it was boiling over. âDrag her by the arm and force her into a clinic?âÂ
His fingers curled tighter at the thought. The very idea made his stomach churn.Â
Forcing you to go to a clinic. Seeing the hatred in your eyes. Doing something youâd never forgive him for.Â
The thought made him sick.Â
Not to mention, you wouldnât have let him. If heâd even tried, you wouldâve fought him off, and he wouldnât put it past you to run him over with a car right after.Â
âYouâre forgetting something,â Rafe said, without hesitation. âShe is the woman Iâm in love.âÂ
Love.Â
When was the last time heâd actually said that out loud? He could barely remember. For years, he had barely spoken about you to anyone. But now, standing in front of his father, he didnât waver.Â
Saying it felt strange. Almost foreign.Â
Ward let out a slow breath, shaking his head. His eyes held a cold, almost amused expression. He didnât even care that his son was standing his ground. To him, Rafe was still that same pathetic little kid. Still nothing.Â
âHow do you still manage to surprise me?â Ward said, tilting his head slightly. âYou keep making the dumbest goddamn choicesâdo you have any idea how exhausting it is to clean up your messes?âÂ
Clean up.Â
Rafeâs jaw tightened. His father had never seen him as a person. Just a problem to fix. A mess that needed to be dealt with. And Ward Cameronâs number one priority in life was making sure nothing stained his perfect little world.Â
But this time, Rafe wasnât going to let him erase this. This wasnât a problem. And he hadnât come here for his father to handle it.Â
âDadââ Rafe started, but Ward cut him off.Â
âShut up!â Wardâs voice snapped through the air like a whip.Â
Rafe lifted his head. His father was closer now, his face twisted with anger. And in his eyes, just beneath the surface, there was that familiar flicker of something more dangerousâsomething Rafe had known since childhood.Â
But he wasnât afraid anymore.Â
Wardâs voice dropped, turning cold. âWhatâs her name?âÂ
Rafe hesitated. He hadnât expected him to ask that. He had expected more yelling, more insults, more dismissals. But thisâthis was calculated.Â
This meant she wasnât even a person to him. She was a number. A problem to eliminate.Â
Rafe swallowed. He didnât want to tell him.Â
âDad, listenââ he tried again.Â
But Wardâs voice cut through the room, even sharper.
âI asked for a name, Rafe.â His voice carried an impatient growl. It was a warning. A threat. His father saw his silence as defiance.Â
Rafe narrowed his eyes, straightening his posture just enough to show he wasnât the obedient son he used to be. But he exhaled slowly, keeping his tone measuredâno need to set fire to the whole house just yet.Â
âLiliana.â He came here to say it. To stop holding back. To stop hiding it.Â
Ward nodded, considering it for a few seconds. Then, with that same ice-cold tone, he asked, âDoes she carry the family name?âÂ
Rafeâs breath hitched. He knew exactly why that mattered. The name was ownership.Â
And Liliana⊠she didnât have his last name.Â
âNo.âÂ
Wardâs eyes narrowed. âDoes she want it?âÂ
For the first time, Rafe genuinely hesitated.Â
He didnât know.Â
They had never talked about it. That wasnât his decision to make. Giving Liliana his last nameâclaiming her in that wayâwasnât something he could just decide on a whim. It wasnât his right. Hell, she barely even knew him yet.Â
So, he couldnât lie.Â
âIâI donât know.âÂ
Ward exhaled sharply, shaking his head in instant disapproval. The look in his eyes was disgust.Â
âI canât believe Iâm still cleaning up after you like youâre a goddamn child.â Then, just as fast, he turned to Rose. A plan was already forming in his eyes. âRose.â His voice was crisp, final. âSort it out. Write a check to the mother. Whatever it takesâletâs put an end to this nonsense.âÂ
Rafeâs eyes widened. His breath quickened. Just hearing it made his stomach churn. âThe hell are you talking about?!â He stepped forward, gaze locked on his father. âThatâs not why I came here.âÂ
Ward raised an eyebrow, as if truly surprised. âExcuse me?â His voice dripped with condescension, like he was warning Rafe to watch his next words carefully.Â
Rose looked at Rafe now. The only thing in her eyes was disappointment.Â
Rafe shook his head, hands running through his hair in frustration. âI didnât come here so you could write a damn check.âÂ
He really didnât get it. His father still thought money could fix everything.Â
Buy out his mistakes. Sweep them under the rug.Â
But this wasnât a mistake. Liliana wasnât a mistake.Â
âAnd what other possible reason could you have for being here?â Ward asked, voice sharp.Â
Rafe met his fatherâs gaze, unwavering. And then, with steady defiance, he answered. âIâm going to meet her.âÂ
A silence settled in the room.Â
Rafe didnât flinch. Didnât back down. âIâm going to be her father. Iâll be there for her andââÂ
Ward scoffed, shaking his head in mock amusement before letting out a bitter laugh. âOh, fuck off.â It was dismissal. Pure and simple.Â
Rose sighed, her voice soft, coaxing. âRafe⊠youâre not thinking this through. Do you realize what this could do to us? To the company? Sheâs an illegitimate child.âÂ
Something inside Rafe cracked.Â
Ward let out an irritated breath. He turned to Rose with a sharp, almost amused glare. âOh, look at you. Talking to him like he has the capacity to understand.â His jaw clenched. âIf he had a shred of intelligence, he wouldnât be in this situation to begin with.âÂ
âThatâs enough.â Rafe shot back instantly, voice firmâbut before he could continue, his father cut him off.Â
âNo, whatâs enough is you.â Ward stepped forward, eyes dark and menacing. âNone of what you just said is happening. Do you understand me? None of it.âÂ
But Rafe didnât lower his gaze. For the first time in his life, he felt like he had fully stepped out of his fatherâs shadow.Â
This wasnât his decision to make. Liliana wasnât his to control.Â
Rafe is her father. And when it came to herâany decisions, any choicesâhe would be the one making them. Not Ward.Â
âYou donât hold my leash anymore. Not now. Not ever.â His voice was low, steady, unwavering.Â
If there was any decision to be made about Liliana, it would be his. Not this manâs.Â
To hell with his reputation.Â
âIâm telling you because I gave my word.âÂ
Wardâs eyes darkened. He stepped closer, tension crackling between them like a live wire. âIf this damages our reputation in any wayââÂ
Rafe didnât even let him finish. His voice was deadly quiet. âIf you ever try to threaten them againââ He held his fatherâs gaze, his own filled with something darker, sharper. âThatâs when things will really get messy, Dad.âÂ
Ward exhaled harshly. A dry, humorless chuckle escaped his lips. He stared at Rafe with pure disdain. That lookâthe one that told him he was a disappointmentâwasnât new. And it wouldnât be the last time.Â
âYou,â Ward muttered, voice dripping with disgust. âYou are my biggest regret.âÂ
Rafe smiled. It wasnât a smirk of victory. It wasnât smug satisfaction. It was quieter. Smaller. Like something had finally settled inside him. Like years of resentment had finally burned away into something else. Indifference. No expectations. No fear.Â
Just the cold, quiet certainty that he no longer cared.Â
"Pathetic." His voice was quiet, but sharp. The weight of that single word settled into the room like a heavy fog. When Rafe looked at his fatherâs face, he realized he didnât even care whether the regret in his voice was genuine. It didnât matter. Ward Cameron could regret, he could hate, he could burn with rage or act as if he couldnât care less. But none of it reached Rafe anymore.Â
"But that regret isn't strong enough to erase my existence. I, however, am." He stepped forward, closing the already narrow space between them.Â
There was no fear in his expression. No anger, either. Just something resolute, something unwavering. And in Rafeâs eyes, there was something Ward had never been accustomed to seeingâperhaps something he had never wanted to see. Confidence.Â
Ward lifted his chin slightly, his face as hard as stone. The man who had spent years speaking with sharp authority and smug indifference was now standing in front of a son who refused to cower, his brows furrowed as he tried to suppress his irritation. But it was there. The frustration seethed just beneath his controlled exterior, slipping through the cracks in his composure.Â
"I'm the one who put you in charge of the company, Rafe," Ward said, his voice slicing through the air like a blade. "I can just as easily take it away."Â
Rafe let out a breath of amusementâlow, dismissive. He tilted his head just slightly, studying his father with something akin to pity.Â
How many times had he heard that exact threat? How many times had he believed it?Â
He remembered the panic it used to stir in him, the way it used to feel like a noose tightening around his neck. Back then, he had thought his father could destroy him, wipe him from existence with a snap of his fingers. But now?Â
Now, he only smiled.Â
"Not while I own shares."Â
His voice was calm. Unshaken. There was no challenge in his tone, no outburst of defianceâjust a simple, immovable fact.Â
Wardâs frown deepened, as if trying to comprehend the shift. As if only now realizing that Rafe wasnât just arguing with himâhe was drawing a line in the sand. A real one.Â
"I'm telling you this," Rafe said, his voice firm. "Not asking for your permission." The air in the room seemed to drop a few degrees. "I have a daughter."Â
A barely perceptible flicker crossed Wardâs expression, but he said nothing.Â
Rafe, however, felt something tighten in his throat the second the words left his mouth. Saying it out loudâespecially to his fatherâmade it real in a way he hadnât fully prepared for. It made it final. There was no taking it back. And once that truth had been spoken into existence, he knew nothing would ever be the same again.Â
But he wouldn't take it back.Â
"And I wonât ignore her," Rafe continued, swallowing hard but refusing to waver. His voice, steady and sure, sliced through the heavy silence.Â
Ward inhaled deeply. He didn't break eye contact, but the tension in his jaw gave him away.Â
"Iâm not you," Rafe added. His voice didnât rise, didnât falter. He just stated it as it was. "Thatâs the difference between us."Â
Wardâs expression went completely cold. The anger was there, of courseâbut beneath it, beneath the hard lines of his face, was something else. A realization. The unmistakable recognition that he had lost control of his son. Completely.Â
Finally, Ward clenched his jaw and spoke, voice razor-sharp. "Get out."Â
The words hung in the air, less of a command and more of a curse. A punctuation mark to a conversation that had just rewritten the rules between them.Â
Rafe tilted his head slightly, let his gaze linger on his father for just a second longer. Then, without losing that faint, knowing smile, he answered.Â
"Gladly."Â
And without looking back, he walked out the door.
That was never the point. Not from the start.Â
It wasnât the fights or the way things kept spiraling between them. No matter how much of a mess things became, it had never been about that.Â
He couldnât react properly. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him, but JJ just... didn't know what to do. Not once in his life had he dealt with something like this. This was a first.Â
Catching feelings for his best friend.Â
He had no idea how to handle it. Every time he tried to fix things, that stupid part of him kicked in and somehow made everything worse. Even when he just wanted to sit down and talk things out, it always turned into a disaster. And he knewâhe fucking knewâthat it was all on him.Â
He just couldnât do it. It was too much. His mind felt like it was playing tricks on him, like he couldnât think straight. Every time he so much as thought about you and that idiot, his entire perspective shifted.Â
But deep down, he knew that wasnât the real fear.Â
JJ had been with you for five years. Every single day. Under the same roof, in the same home. You cooked together, you ate togetherâyou raised a child together.Â
He got used to you. So used to your presence that he couldnât function without it. And it wasnât just about getting used to you. You became a part of his life. The missing piece that finally clicked into place. You werenât just thereâyou were whole. You, JJ, and Liliana.Â
And he was terrified of losing you. Of losing Liliana, of watching her warm up to Rafe and realizing she didnât need JJ anymore. Of seeing that look in your eyes againâthe one you used to have at parties five years ago when you looked at Rafe like he was your entire world.Â
Because he remembered.Â
JJ remembered what you and Rafe had been like. The way you looked at each other, the way you kissed. Back then, it hadnât even registered to him. But the closer he got to you, the clearer those memories became.Â
And he hated remembering every single one of them.Â
Because you loved him. You loved Rafe. And there wasnât a single soul on that island who didnât know it. Not just you. No matter how much he wanted to pretend otherwise, Rafe loved you too.Â
That was the scary part. If it had happened once, it could happen again. You had felt that way beforeâwhat was stopping you from feeling it again?Â
In Asheville, it had been just you, Liliana, and JJ.Â
But ever since you came back here, JJ felt like he was losing his mind.Â
Ever since you kissed him, he hadnât been able to focus. He was getting lost in you. Every second that he didnât tell you, it ate away at himâbut he just couldnât say it.Â
You were air, and he needed to breathe.Â
You were water, and he was parched.Â
JJ needed you to survive, but he was so fucking stupid.Â
He always had been. Always. His entire life. But for the past five years, he mustâve been extra stupid.Â
How the hell did someone mistake being in love with their best friend for something else?Â
How was he supposed to see you as just a friend when he could barely breathe without you? You werenât just his best friend. You were his closest person. His safest place. But to JJ, you were something more. You had been for years. You were the woman he loved and his best friend all in one.Â
And he was so fucking blind. So unbelievably stupid.Â
It didnât sit right with him. Loving you felt wrong somehow. Like he wasâwhat? Taking advantage of you? But he wasnât.Â
All JJ ever wanted was for you to be at peace. And yet, he was the one messing with that peace.Â
He had been such an emotionally stunted idiot that he practically turned himself into a fucking rock just to avoid admitting his feelings. And the second he stepped out of that house, he regretted it. But what the hell was he even supposed to say?Â
âYou kissed me. It felt weird because, actually, Iâm in love with you, and you definitely only see me as your best friend. So instead of telling you, Iâm just running away from you?â
Maybe.Â
Well, yeah. Maybe that was exactly it.Â
Shit.Â
Of course, he shouldâve talked to you. It was just really fucking hard.Â
He was scared of losing you. Not just to Rafeâbut of losing what you had altogether.Â
When he walked out of that house that night, he wasnât thinking. He had no plan, no idea where he was even going. It wasnât like he had meant to stay away for three days. He just... didn't know how to talk to you.Â
âYouâre the dumbest man Iâve ever met. You know that, right?âÂ
JJ lowered his head as Cleo grabbed his beer and stood up. He didnât look at her.Â
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pope clear his throat and shoot Cleo a warning look. He didnât need Pope to warn her. JJ was already painfully aware of everything.Â
âAnd a coward.â Cleo scoffed. âDonât look at me like that, Pope. If thereâs someone who needs to hear it, itâs JJ. Heâs our friend too. And I think he deserves better than being a pathetic idiot who canât admit his feelings.âÂ
She turned to walk off the porch without looking back.Â
JJ lifted his head, about to argue, but Cleo was already goneâlike a storm passing through before you even had the chance to take cover.Â
And the worst part?Â
She was right. He hadnât said a single damn thing about his feelings. Not a single word about what was going on in his head.Â
And yet, she knew. Of course, she did.Â
Because this?Â
This was exactly the kind of shit a coward would do.
âDonât mind Cleo. You know she just wants the best for both of you.â Pope placed a reassuring hand on JJâs back, giving it a small pat. JJâs shoulders slumped.Â
He shook his head. He didnât think he deserved any sympathy. âCleoâs right. Iâm justâa fucking idiot. Thatâs what this is.âÂ
His phone buzzed on the table, the notification lighting up the screen. But when JJ glanced at it, the message wasnât what caught his attention. It was the wallpaper. The one photo he could never bring himself to change. You and Liliana.Â
âEven when it comes to feelings?â Popeâs voice reached him, but honestly, JJ just wanted to keep looking at the photo for a little longer. He couldnât take his eyes off of you and Liliana.Â
The way you were smiling at the cameraâit almost made his lips twitch into a smile, too. You were happy. Just like before you came back here.Â
âYes.â The word slipped out before he could stop it. He didnât even try to. Maybe because, for once, he wanted to stop lying about this. To himself, to anyone. What was the point?Â
âYou know thatâs not wrong, rightââÂ
JJ was already shaking his head before Pope could finish. But Pope straightened up, refusing to let it go.Â
âCleo and I were best friends. Sarah and John B were best friends. Thereâs nothing wrong withââÂ
âItâs not the same.â JJ shook his head harder this time. There was a scream inside him, clawing to get out. At who, at what, he didnât know. He just wanted to let it out. When Pope opened his mouth to argue again, JJ turned to him sharply.Â
âIâve lived with her for five years, you guys caught feelings in a few months. I never once looked at her that way. Never once even had the thought ofâof touching her cross my mind. Theyâre my family.â JJâs lips pressed into a hard line. The tip of his nose stung.Â
When no one else was there, you were. And when you had no one else, he was there. You chose each other. You werenât just friends. You werenât just people who happened to live together. You were a family. You were built for this. JJâs family was never his father. And sure, for a long time, his family had been the Pogues, but the bond he built with youâsomewhere along the way, that changed everything.Â
âSo donât stand there and tell me this isnât wrong. I wasnât born yesterday. Iâve never had a real familyânot in the way I should have. No offense. And now that I do, Iâm not about to lose it just because of a few stupid feelings.â JJ clenched his fists, trying to keep his frustration in check. He wasnât mad at Pope. He was mad at himself.Â
Popeâs eyebrows lifted slightly. He leaned in closer, resting his arms on the table. âJust so you knowâyouâre not gonna lose them. But if you do, itâs not gonna be because of your âfew stupid feelings.â Itâs gonna be because youâre acting like a blind idiot.âÂ
Pope tapped on JJâs phone screen, making it light up again. Your and Lilianaâs picture glowed in the dim light of the porch. âIf you donât wanna lose them, then stop acting like you do. Because youâve been here for two fucking daysâand hey, I donât mind, youâre always welcome. But every day you stay here instead of going home is another step closer to losing them. Open your eyes.âÂ
JJ looked up, locking eyes with his friend. Popeâs expression was unreadable, but his voice left no room for argument.Â
JJ swallowed hard. He had nothing to say. Not because he didnât want to. But because he didnât know how to.Â
Even with how much of a goddamn idiot heâd been these past few days, he had no idea how to fix any of this.Â
His gaze flickered back toward the house heâd left behind.Â
Funny, how leaving could become a habit. This was the second time heâd walked out of that house after a fight. Again, both of you ended up hurt. Again, neither of you deserved it.Â
His fingers curled into fists at Popeâs words echoing in his head. Of course he was right. Everyone was right these daysâeveryone but JJ. Pope was always right. Always the one with the advice, always the one who never seemed to screw up.Â
JJ wished he could be like that. Maybe if he had even a little bit of Popeâs level-headedness, he wouldnât have made half the mistakes he had. He didnât regret his past mistakesânot really. They made him who he was.Â
But the mistakes he made after meeting you? He regretted every single one.Â
And this latest one? The biggest one?Â
Kissing you.Â
Again.Â
One week later, heâd kissed you again. And not once did it feel wrong. It felt complete.Â
But it shouldnât have been like that. Not after a fight. Not out of anger, not out of frustration. If he was ever going to kiss you, it shouldâve been because he told you how he felt. Because you wanted him to. Because you felt the same way.Â
His hands were trembling. He looked down at them, sucking in a shaky breath.
Leaving the house had been a mistakeâjust like every word that had ever come out of his mouth.Â
When his gaze lifted from the ground and met the door once again, the weight of everything inside him became unbearable. He wasn't going to let this happen again.Â
He took quick steps toward the door, retracing the path he'd just walked. He wasnât leaving this house again. He wasnât leaving you and Liliana again. This wasnât just hurting himâit was hurting you too. Not again.Â
He swung the door open and stepped inside. He knew the way by heart.Â
And when he reached the kitchen, he saw you again.Â
Your hands were gripping the edge of the counter so tightly it looked like you needed it to stay upright. If you let go, youâd collapse. You looked so fragileâlike youâd shatter the second you lost your hold. And when he saw the silent tears slipping between your tightly shut eyelids, JJâs heart clenched in his chest.Â
Your lips were pressed together, trembling slightly. It was like you were trying to keep any sound from escaping, crying in the quietest way possible.Â
JJâs breath caught in his throat. He knew heâd let you down in every possible way, but seeing you like this? It felt like someone had poured boiling water down his spine.Â
He wanted to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to do anythingâeverythingâto make you forgive him. Fuck loveâhe didnât care about love anymore. If staying by your side as a friend for the rest of his life meant youâd never have to cry again, heâd take it. If letting Rafe back into your life meant youâd be happy, heâd accept it.Â
Just so youâd smile again. Just so youâd never cry because of him again.Â
He took a step forward without thinking, but the second the wooden floor creaked beneath his foot, your eyes fluttered open. One of your hands lifted from the counter, moving toward your face as your gaze locked with his.Â
JJâs mind blanked the second he saw your tear-streaked, flushed face. Every thought, every word he had lined up in his head vanished in an instant. That was the effect you had on himâyour gaze, your presence, your touch. Everything else faded away.Â
You were the only thing that was real. The only thing that stayed white in a world drowning in black. And no matter what anyone said, no matter how much darkness tried to creep in, that wouldnât change. You were untouchable.Â
Then your lips curledânot into a smile, but something bitter, something that twisted a knife in his chest. "What is it now? Thinking of some other words to tear me apart?"Â
Your voice shook. Because of him. Because he had made you cry.Â
JJ nearly dropped his head in shame. He never should've left. Not again. "No," he murmured, barely above a whisper. His head shook on its own, as if trying to erase every mistake, every word that had brought you to this moment. If he could take it all back, he would.Â
But he couldnât.Â
So he stood there, waiting for a miracleâknowing damn well miracles didnât exist.Â
He had to let it go. Every ounce of anger, every bit of resentment. He had to let it all go.Â
You had to know the truth.Â
âNo?â A hollow laugh slipped through your lips, your arms wrapping tightly around yourself. Your head dropped for a second, but when you lifted it again, the brief moment of humor was gone. Your face twisted with nothing but fury. âNo? Are you fucking kidding me? Then why are you still here?âÂ
You stormed forward, shoving him in the chest. JJ stumbled back. And you did the same, like you had to put as much distance between you as possible.Â
JJ didnât know what to do.Â
He couldnât lose you. He couldnât lose Liliana. He couldnât.Â
âIââÂ
âYou what? What the hell are you gonna say this time? First, you come home and ruin my entire mood! You pick a fight with me, and thenâand thenââ Your voice cracked, but it didnât stop you. It only made your anger burn hotter. You ran your hands through your hair, pacing in the kitchen like you had no idea what to do with yourself.Â
âI didnât know what to doâIâm sorry. I messed upââ JJ tried, but you didnât let him finish.Â
âOh, fuck off! Messed up?! Who the hell do you think youâre fooling? You think this is some tiny little mistake? A fight we can just get over, just brush under the rug?â You stepped back, leaning against the counter as your eyes burned holes into him.Â
JJ wanted to say something, anything, but he just clenched his jaw.Â
The tears on your face were still fresh. Your eyes were red, raw, and swollen. And knowing that he was the reason for it? That he was the one who had broken you like this? It was disgusting.Â
He hadnât realized it would go this far. He hadnât realized he could hurt you this much.Â
A dry, humorless laugh escaped your lips, and JJ inhaled sharply. He stood there, listening, because he knew you needed to let it out.Â
âAnd the worst part? Youâre not even apologizing for any of that,â you spat, voice dripping with venom. âNot for the fights. Not for the last week of absolute hell. Not for all the shit you put me through. No. Youâre apologizing becauseâbecause you kissed me? Thatâs whatâs too much for you?âÂ
JJ shook his head frantically, wanting to cut in, to explain himself, but you didnât give him the chance.Â
âThatâs your fucking line?â you yelled. âThatâs the thing that crossed the line for you?! Not hurting me, not leaving Liliana waiting for you every damn day, but that? Kissing me?âÂ
Your voice was so loud it felt like it shook the whole house.Â
JJ knew he had no right to be concerned, but he was. He wanted to tell you to breathe, to calm downâbut he didnât. He just looked at you. He accepted every word.Â
âNoââÂ
âWhat the hell is wrong with you?!â you screamed. Your hands moved as if you were going to grab him, but at the last second, you stopped yourself, pulling back like even touching him was a mistake.
JJ⊠he just accepted your anger. If anything, he preferred you lashing out at him rather than enduring silence.Â
"I'm sorry for everything. Justâ not for the kiss." JJ's voice came out hoarse. Your back was turned to him. He watched your whole body tremble. Even as you clung tightly to the counter, you didnât look okay.Â
You were shaking. Crying. But it was so silent that if the house werenât dead quiet, JJ wouldnât have heard a thing.Â
He took a step forward and reached out a hand. But before he could touch you, you wiped your tears away and turned. JJ immediately took a step back.Â
"Why⊠What did I do to you?" Watching the tears slowly roll down your cheeks was hard. JJ averted his gaze. The heaviness in his chestâhis guiltâwas suffocating. And he knew it.Â
Your tears were for him. Because of him.Â
You were hurting. Because of him.Â
JJ opened his mouth, but not a single sound came out. The man who had been shouting just moments ago had gone completely quiet.Â
"Leave..." Your voice was so weak that JJ's heart stuttered. He shook his head instantly, firm in his stance.Â
"Not this time." His voice was steady, resoluteâjust like him. He wasnât leaving. He wasnât running away.Â
And finally, it happened. Your fists landed against his chest. But it was weak. Like you had no strength left in you. JJ stumbled back a little but held his ground.Â
"You had no problem leaving the last two times, so why not go againâ" JJ couldnât even look at your face. Every weak punch against his chest dug into his soul.Â
No, it didnât hurt. It was you who was hitting him. Even if he wanted it to hurt, it wouldnât.Â
"Get out!" The moment you screamed in his face, JJâs eyes squeezed shut. Somewhere deep inside, maybe he knew he should leave. But he wasnât going to.Â
Even if you wanted him gone, even if you hit him to make him leave, he wouldnât budge an inch. Not until you gave him a real explanation.Â
"I'm not going." He shook his head, your fists still pressing against his chest.Â
"You are! Youâre going to get the hell out! Andâ And youâre going to take your stuff with youâ" Your punches stopped. You turned away, heading toward the stairs, but JJ moved fast, grabbing your wrists.Â
"I donât want to leave." He spoke while looking straight into your eyes, as if trying to show you how serious he was. But you? You werenât having it. "I donât want to do this. So pleaseâplease stop trying to push me away."Â
You struggled, trying to free your wrists, but JJ held on tight. "Youâre selfish! Selfish and a coward! You didnât even have the guts to apologize! Not even after coming home three nights late! I waited for you! Like an idiot! I waited!" Your voice was shaking. You were crying so hard it was difficult to even talk, to breathe.Â
Your eyes were squeezed shut. You werenât even looking at him. The tears wouldnât stop. "Why are you doing this to me?"Â
"Because Iâm jealous!" The words shot out of JJâs mouth, and suddenly, the only sound left in the house was your ragged sobs.Â
Your eyes were still closed. But as your crying began to slow, you slowly opened them.Â
"I lost control. The thought of losing youâof leaving LilianaâI lost everything."Â
Finally, saying it out loud, JJ felt the weight in his chest ease. Just a little. Even if he still hadnât admitted why he did it, at least acknowledging the emotions that came with it felt like a small relief.Â
But was he brave enough to tell you he loved you? He didnât know. He could lose both you and Liliana, and he wasnât the kind of man to gamble with things like that.Â
As much as he liked to play games, he would never play with you.Â
That would cross a line.Â
"So thatâs why you fucked the last two weeks of my life⊠Was it really that hard to just talk to me?" When you looked at him with tear-filled eyes, JJ swore his heart stopped for a second. He could try to change the subject, pretend it wasnât what it was, but he was so damn tired of running.Â
And you? You were tired of this game too. You didnât have the energy for it anymore. Not when you looked so exhausted standing in front of him.Â
"It was hard," he admitted without thinking. Even though a part of him told him to shut up, he didnât. He didnât want to keep silent anymore. He didnât want to keep hurting you. No, he wasnât brave enough to bring up the wedding night just yet, but he wanted to fix things.Â
Even if this was just an excuse, it was the truth. JJ was hiding things, but only because he didnât want to hurt you more than he already had.Â
"Iâm jealous. I hate that asshole. I hate that Liliana has to meet with him. The thought of you looking at him the way you used to look at meâit drives me insane. I hate that you might believe himâ"Â
You shook your head. You tried once more to pull your wrists free. "You never really knew me, did you? Not at all."Â
"I didnât think⊠I justâ I couldnât do it. Thinking about the two of youâit messes with my head." JJâs eyes searched yours. He just wanted you to understand. Even if you didnât forgive him, he just wanted you to understand.Â
"Is that why you kissed me?" You sniffled. Until now, you hadnât even realized how close you were. Barely a breath apart, his hands still wrapped around your wrists, holding them close to his chest.Â
"No." JJ blurted it out so fast. Like he wasnât even thinking. Like the confidence in his voice from earlier had completely vanished.Â
"Then why?"Â
Your tears had dried up. You were looking deep into his eyes, searching for answers. Even though there were so many things you wanted him to explain, you couldn't erase the feelings he had stirred in you.Â
"Because I wanted to."Â
"Thatâs it? You just felt like it in the moment andâ"Â
Before you could finish, JJ slowly let go of your wrists. He hopedâreally hopedâyou wouldnât start hitting his chest again. But he didnât move an inch from where he stood.Â
"It wasnât just a feeling. I wanted it."Â
Your eyes narrowed. It still felt like he was toying with you. Like heâd walk away againâjust like he always did.Â
"So, what? Do you just kiss people whenever you feel like it?" You wiped the last of your drying tears from your cheeks, keeping your stance firm.Â
As much as his excuse didnât justify the hell heâd put you through for the past week, you wanted to trust that he wouldnât leave again. You wanted to believe him.Â
"No." JJ shook his head, his voice steady.Â
Your brows raised slightly. You sniffled.Â
"I havenât kissed anyone in two years. No one but you."Â
Saying it out loud wasnât easy. Maybe your only kiss should have stayed in the pastâon your wedding night. Maybe there shouldnât have been another.Â
And yet, here he was, still feeling the ghost of your lips against his. He had come back to apologize, to explain himselfâbut somehow, he had completely forgotten that the two of you would have to talk about the kiss.Â
Of course, you were going to talk about it.Â
JJ had kissed you.Â
And now, as you stood there in front of him, lips still swollen, he had to force himself to look at anything but your mouth. He focused on you. Only you.Â
On this conversation, on every single word you said.Â
He wouldnât interrupt you again. He wouldnât disrespect you again.Â
Today, you were going to talk.Â
"How am I supposed to forgive you?"Â
The words stung. Because the truth was, JJ didnât know.Â
Not only did he not know how you could forgive himâhe didnât even know how to explain himself.Â
What if it had been the other way around?Â
If you had done this to him, how would he have forgiven you? What could you have said to make him move past it?Â
There was a sharp pain in the center of his chest. Like a knife had been lodged there.Â
If falling to his knees and begging for forgiveness would fix this, he would have done it in a heartbeat.Â
But he wouldnât lie to you.Â
"I donât know." His voice was barely above a whisper. He exhaled sharply, head dropping forward.Â
"I donât know either."Â
Your voice was hoarse, but you didnât look away. You kept your eyes on him. Your lips trembled slightly downward.Â
"Iâll wait." JJ spoke carefully, watching your reaction. "Iâm not leaving, but Iâll wait⊠If you let me."Â
His words wavered, like he was trying to gauge your response even as he spoke them.Â
You said nothing.Â
That wasnât the reaction he had expected, and honestly, your silence was worse than anything else you couldâve said.Â
Not knowing what to do, he took a step closer.Â
He felt helplessâbecause he was.Â
Pope had been right about everything. JJ was so afraid of losing you that he had been the one pushing you away all along.Â
He wanted to take back every fight, every argument. He regretted hurting you more than anything, but the anger inside him still hadnât disappeared.Â
Even now, a part of him still burned with jealousy over Rafe.Â
But this time, he wasnât going to let that anger hurt you again.Â
Not again.Â
Fixing this wasnât going to be easy.Â
JJ took another quick step forward, his movements deliberate.Â
This time, he was asking for permission to stay.Â
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly.Â
"If you donât want me here, I get it. But I canâtâI canât do this without you. Without Liliana." His voice was almost emotionless, but deep down, he was hoping youâd accept it. Even though he was technically leaving the choice to you, he was desperate for you to say yes.Â
He stood still, waiting.Â
The occasional sniffle was the only remaining sign of your crying, aside from your red-rimmed eyes.Â
JJ replayed your voice in his head, remembering the moment you told him to leave. The longer you stayed silent now, the longer time stretched on.Â
It probably hadnât been that longâmaybe just a few seconds. But for JJ, it felt endless.Â
Every second you didnât answer, his heart pounded harder.Â
He used to be so sure of you. Before all this, he wouldâve known exactly what your response would be.Â
But now? Now, he had no clue.Â
You werenât the kind of people who fought like this. Sure, you bickered sometimes, but it never lasted more than a few minutes. And then things would go back to normal.Â
This was different.Â
This was your first real fight.Â
Okay, maybe the third. But since they had all been about the same thing, it felt like the first.Â
JJ tried to keep his gaze on you, but you wouldnât meet his eyes.Â
Your lips parted slightlyâthen closed again.Â
He could tell you were struggling to make a decision.Â
And that terrified him.Â
You could tell him to stay.Â
But you could just as easily tell him to leave.Â
Finally, you lifted your gaze, sniffling once more before clearing your throat. You took a deep breath.Â
It almost felt like you were dragging it out just to make him suffer. And it was working.Â
JJ was dying inside waiting for your answer.Â
Straightening your posture, you spoke.Â
"If you walk out that door one more time⊠thereâs no coming back. You need to know that."
His words were like drinking ice-cold water on a scorching day or stepping into warmth after being out in the coldârefreshing, comforting. It felt like a weight had been lifted off JJâs shoulders.Â
He straightened up quickly, a small smirk tugging at his lips. This was something. You hadnât outright said you forgave him, but this was still a step forward. Maybe it was even a step toward him.Â
JJ found himself nodding almost too eagerly.Â
Before you could change your mind or take back your words, he blurted out, "I wonât." The words were rushed, almost tumbling over themselves.Â
Unlike him, you simply noddedâslow, measured. You wanted him to know that you heard him, that you understood. Your hands clasped in front of you, your gaze locked onto his. And yet, you still felt like you were processing everything that had just happened.Â
Had you decided too quickly? Should you have thought this through more? Was making a decision in the heat of the moment ever the right thing to do?Â
Your eyes stayed on him as you swallowed hard.Â
You werenât sure you could forgive him just yet, but if he walked away againâŠÂ
You werenât sure youâd be able to piece yourself back together.Â
You didnât let it show, but you were relieved he had stepped back inside. Because if he had walked out that door one more time, you had no idea how you wouldâve mended the wound he had left in you.Â
"I want to trust you."Â
God, what a ridiculous sentence. Especially to say to someone who had been closer to you than anyone else ever had. Could a person really change their feelings this much in just one week?Â
But then again, JJ hadnât exactly taken anything from you and refused to give it back.Â
If he hadnât hurt you, if your heart wasnât aching like this, would you have lost your trust in him?Â
You hated that sentence. Because the truth was, you had always trusted him more than you trusted yourself.Â
Even when you had no idea what to do, he always did.Â
He completed you. And you completed him.Â
And now, you couldnât trust him.Â
You had actually said those words to him. You were actually going to try to trust him again. It felt like meeting him all over again.Â
Like being back on that stupid beach, standing there, heart ready to pour out everything you feltâyet hesitant, nervous.Â
Afraid.Â
Because you didnât know how heâd react. Because you couldnât predict his response.Â
Just like that first day.Â
And yet, even back then, you had trusted him enough to open up.Â
He hadnât been a stranger, not really. He had known about Liliana from the very beginning, hadnât he?Â
He had figured it out in the pharmacy, and then at the beach, you had told him everything.Â
Even back then, you had trusted him. Because deep down, you knew he was someone who would keep your secrets safe.Â
Even in those early days, though, he had still managed to break your trust.Â
How ironic.Â
That you had been able to spill your heart to him on a beach when you barely knew him, and nowâafter five years of being by his side every single dayâyou were struggling to believe in him.Â
"I swear I wonât break your trust again."Â
JJâs voice was steady, firm.Â
He wasnât just trying to convince youâhe was convincing himself.Â
When you realized you couldnât keep looking at him any longer, you dropped your gaze to the floor, shifting your weight slightly.Â
You simply nodded. No words. Just a quiet acknowledgment.Â
You didnât need to say anything else.Â
JJ was still JJ.Â
But your silence rattled him.Â
He cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair, restless.Â
"I know I didnât handle things right. I know I acted like an idiot, butâ" He exhaled sharply. "Iâve never dealt with something like this before. Iâve never felt like I was actually going to lose someone. And if I ever have⊠it wasnât you and Liliana."Â
As soon as the words left his mouth, he saw your head snap up.Â
Instant panic flashed through him.Â
Had he said the wrong thing?Â
That tiny bit of confidence he had mustered up while speaking vanished in an instant.Â
Once again, he was lost in the unknown, unsure of where he stood.Â
A hollow smile tugged at your lips, but it wasnât happiness.Â
You almost couldnât believe him. He was still talking about the same thing.Â
Still clinging to whatever story he had told himself, believing in it so fiercely that nothing else could get through.Â
"I never told you I loved Rafe," you said, your voice eerily calm.Â
"I never said I was going to be with him. I never even mentioned anything even remotely close to something like that. JJ, I came to you about a decision. About Lilianaâs future. As her parents, I wanted to discuss it with you."Â
You kept your tone composed. There was no need to turn this into another fight.Â
Not when JJ had practically waved a white flag.Â
Not when he, like you, was finally ready to talk.Â
JJ opened and closed his mouth, shifting uncomfortably in place. "I know, butâdoesnât him seeing Liliana mean youâll have to see him too? You know, back then, years ago⊠everyone saw the way you two looked at each otherâ"Â
He hadnât really thought the words through before saying them.Â
His eyes had drifted away from you, lost in memories from years ago.Â
But you had no patience for this conversation. Especially not when he was acting like he didnât even know you.Â
You cut him off.Â
You werenât even sure what exactly he believed anymore, but whatever it was, he was holding onto it so tightly that he refused to hear anything else.Â
"We, JJ.â
Your voice was firm.Â
You pointed between the two of you, emphasizing your words.Â
JJ inhaled deeply, eyes following your finger before slowly shifting back up to your face.Â
*"If Rafe is seeing Liliana, that means heâs seeing us. As her parents. Not just me, but you too. Youâre just as much a part of this as I am."* When you finished speaking, JJ shook his head. You let out a breath.Â
Even Liliana understood things faster than he did. She could be a handful, sureâbut at least dealing with her wasnât this exhausting.
He was so obsessed with the whole you-and-Rafe thing that, whether you wanted to or not, your mind kept drifting. Heâd admitted he was jealous, sureâbut could it really be true?Â
And it wasnât just that.Â
You cleared your throat as memories surfaced, one after the other.Â
You had kissed.Â
Right? Of course. You had kissed.Â
Blinking rapidly, you forced the thought away. Impossible. If something were going to happen, it wouldâve happened in the past five years.Â
âYouâre still going to be close to himââÂ
His words rattled around in your head, but you refused to focus on them. No way. No way. If it were true, then Rachel, Yasmin, or whatever that other girlâs name wasâhe wouldnât have dated them. He just wouldnât have.Â
Right?Â
You cut yourself off before the thought could spiral. You were convincing yourself of stupid things. Could something like that really be true?Â
You wanted to strangle him. Especially when he acted like he hadnât been by your side for years. âYou want me to trust you, but you donât trust me. Iâm not stupid. I havenât forgotten anything. Itâs all still fresh in my mindâespecially with Liliana as a constant reminder. So stop saying that. This isnât about me and Rafe. This is about Lilianaâs future.âÂ
âI never said I donât trust you.â JJ shook his head. How could he not trust you? You were the only person in this world heâd put his life in the hands of.Â
âI thought we were past this. I thought you were done treating me like an idiot. When I said I was done playing games, I wasnât bluffing.âÂ
JJ exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose. Sometimes, he really had no idea what to say. Even when he tried to choose his words carefully, they still came out wrong. Like he was screwing everything up, one sentence at a time.Â
He nodded, resigned. Of course, you were right. You were always right. He was being an idiot. And all because of these ridiculous feelings that had turned him into one. He could barely even look at you. âIâm sorry. Youâre right. Iâof course, I trust you. But you donât get to choose how you feel about someone.âÂ
You let out a slow breath, taking a step closer to him. You knew exactly what you were doing, but you needed him to believe it too. Because he had already played out this entire scenario in his head, and that wasnât fair. âI could be with anyone in the world, and it still wouldnât be Rafe.âÂ
The second the words left your lips, you regretted them.Â
A lie.Â
It wasnât just Rafeâit wasnât anyone. You werenât the kind of person who could just casually talk to multiple people. The thought of being with someone you felt nothing for was disgusting. Especially when your mind was already so clearly set on one person.Â
JJ didnât respond. He just⊠went quiet.Â
And for a moment, you wondered if he was asking himself the same thingâwas he included in that "anyone"? His mind screamed the question, but he bit it back, refusing to let it slip.Â
His silence made you realize that it was finally time to talk about what had started this whole fight in the first place. Even though your argument had pushed it to the back burner, it was still important. âI need to give Rafe an answer. Weâre heading back this weekend. As much as Iâd love to keep arguing with you, I have to put Liliana first. And I know you will too.âÂ
You hated that nearly a full week of your two-week break had been wasted. You were supposed to be here for Cleoâs wedding, to enjoy your time offâand yet, all you had left was a mess of frustration and disappointment.Â
JJ slowly pulled out a chair and sat down, rubbing his nose absentmindedly. Knowing you were leaving this weekend exhausted him. You had come here to relax, but somehow, he felt even more drained than before. More miserable. Thatâs how it always was when he wasnât with you. And the worst part? He had no one to blame but himself.Â
âAre you sure this is what you want? I mean⊠Youâre her mom. You understand how she feels better than I do.âÂ
JJ spoke carefully this time. He wasnât going to make the same mistake again. He wasnât going to let the words slip outâthe words that implied he wasnât her parent. Because he had only said that out of anger.Â
JJ was Lilianaâs parent too.Â
And when he saw the faintest trace of a smile on your lips, even if it was fleeting, he knew youâd caught that. The acknowledgment. That, to him, he wasnât just some extra figure in Lilianaâs life.Â
And that tiny, barely-there smile? God, it made him ridiculously happy.Â
âSheâs not asking questions yet, but one day, she will. When she starts school, sheâll wonder why every other kid calls the man in their life âDad,â but she calls you JJ. Or Uncle.âÂ
JJ didnât hesitate. âIf she wants toâshe can call me Dad.âÂ
The words left him before he could even process them, but he meant it. Even with his mind in a million different places, even with Rafe hovering like a storm cloud in the background, he meant it. If Liliana wanted him to be that person, heâd give her the world. If she called him Dadâwell, then, heâd have the whole damn universe.Â
The thought alone filled his chest with something warm and unshakable.Â
Sure, he was happy being Uncle JJ. But⊠whatever.Â
He couldâve sworn he saw the surprise on your face. Your lips parted slightly, but you spoke quickly, like you didnât want to dwell on it. âOf course she can, but she knows youâre not her father.â You shook your head.Â
JJ didnât take offense. You had both made that decision a long time ago. You had both told her to call him Uncle. This wasnât just on youâit was on him too. So, no, he didnât argue.Â
You were right. Again. As always.Â
âDo you want this?â JJ asked, voice laced with uncertainty. âLiliana meeting Rafe?âÂ
You hesitated before shrugging. âI donât know. I guess⊠I think she deserves better.â
JJ shook his head. He hated the guy. But if he was the right choice for Lilianaâshit. He just couldnât think about this in a positive way. No matter how much he tried to get used to the idea, it wasnât working. He hated Rafe. Every time he saw his face, he wanted to throw a punch, butâhe couldnât. Not this time.Â
âDo you trust Rafe?âÂ
The moment he asked, his eyes locked onto yours, searching for any hesitation, any sign of uncertainty.Â
âFor myself? Absolutely not. For Liliana? Yes. No matter how badly things ended between us, this is her right. And besidesâI have you. And if you and Rafe had switched places, I wouldâve given you a chance to see her too.âÂ
Your voice was as firm as your stance. No room for negotiation. No hesitation.Â
JJ squeezed his eyes shut.Â
Every time he saw that man, he was going to have to keep his hands to himself. Because there was a part of himâone that had been waiting for five yearsâthat wanted nothing more than to knock him to the ground.Â
With a defeated sigh, he exhaled sharply, opening his eyes again. He could only hope he wouldnât regret this. âIf you really think this is the right thing to do, if youâre sure you wonât regret itâthen fine. I approve. Okay.âÂ
But if Rafe hurt Liliana again, JJ wouldnât hold back. Heâd make damn sure he never came near them again. He wasnât going to say that to you, though. No need to start another fight.Â
âAre you sure?â you asked one last time, curiosity laced in your voice.Â
JJ repeated the question in his head. No, he wasnât sure. Not at all. But he trusted you.Â
âYes. For Liliana.âÂ
You nodded, visibly surprised. Maybe you had expected another argument. Maybe you thought heâd start yelling. JJ wasnât sure. What he did know was that you clearly hadnât expected him to actually agree. Well, neither had he.Â
âDo you want me to text him, orâdo you want to call him yourself? I donât know how things ended when you ran into him at the beach butââÂ
JJ stood up, looking at you. He rubbed his eyes because, for some damn reason, they kept wandering to your lips. And that was getting frustrating. Andâhe was grateful you hadnât dragged out the whole kissing thing. Because he could come up with an excuse for almost anything, but that? That, he couldnât explain away.Â
âText him,â he said. âBut when he meets Liliana, I want to be there too.âÂ
Your eyes widened. Even your reaction gave him some relief.Â
âOf course, weâll both be there.âÂ
JJ smiled. He had missed thisâtalking to you like this. He couldnât exactly say youâd waved a white flag, but just being near you again was something heâd missed. Even the faint trace of your perfume in the air.Â
âOkay. And can we talk later? Iââ He hesitated. âI really missed you.âÂ
Watching you was his favorite thing to do. It always had been.Â
MASTERLIST -`âźÂŽ- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank
Summary: Kook!Readerâs world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely personâJJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.
Warnings: Arguing. (tell me if I should add more Iâm really bad at this.)
Selly's note: I'm sorry. Pls don't hate međ
previous - next
Waiting was hard. Especially when someone told you theyâd come. Every knock on the door had you looking up. Every single one, you thought it was them.Â
After all, a promise had been madeâto be there.Â
But when they didnât show, the disappointment stung. If you werenât going to come, why say you would? Why give hope?Â
If theyâd said they were leaving, fine. It would hurt, but at least youâd know. But when someone says theyâll come, you wait. Even if they donât say when, you wait.Â
And then they donât show.Â
Their messed-up life, their thoughts, their worldâso damn important that they canât even pick up the phone to say, âIâm okay.â They just leave. Just like that. Like you meant nothing. Like you were a stranger.Â
Should you be worried or just pissed? You werenât even sure. Your mind kept running through scenarios, wondering if something happened. Maybe thatâs why you didnât call. But deep down, you knew that wasnât it.Â
They just didnât.Â
If they wanted to, they would have.Â
And knowing that hurt the most.Â
Lily and JJ. That was everything. Your world revolved around them. You spent every day together. And now, he was just⊠gone. Like he hadnât been by your side for years. Like you had never been in his life.Â
There was so much anger bubbling inside you that even stepping outside for air didnât help. Even when Liliana came to talk about JJ, you struggled to keep your answers short. Every time she asked where he was, you had to bite your tongue to keep from saying, ârotting in hell.âÂ
Especiallyâespecially when he left you alone at a time when maybe, just maybe, you were starting to feel something for him. Was no man reliable? The first chance he got, at the first sign of trouble, he ran. If you couldnât even trust JJ, then who the hell was left?Â
Screw love. He was your best friend.Â
And sometimesâfriendships mattered more than feelings. You wouldâve pushed everything else aside just to keep him in your life.Â
If you couldnât trust him, then who else was left?Â
You had called Rafe a coward before, but wasnât this the same damn thing?Â
The first chance he got, JJ was gone. No one knew where he was. Three days. And nothing. You didnât even know if he was coming back.Â
At night, after Liliana fell asleep, youâd lie awake. Youâd cry, or youâd just stare at the ceiling, torn between waiting up for JJ and giving up on him entirely.Â
But you waited. Like an idiot, you sat in the living room, waiting for him to walk through the door. How much lower could you sink? Sitting there, waiting for a guy who promised to come and never did. A guy who swore heâd always keep you safe but ran at the first real fight.Â
And god, the worst part was, you had feelings for him.Â
Your best friend.Â
You pulled a pillow into your lap, hugging it close as your eyes stayed fixed on the TV screen. You werenât even processing anything. Your mind was a mess.Â
As if all this wasnât enough, Rafe was still waiting for your answer. As if you had one.Â
It wasnât easy. This wasnât something you could figure out in just a couple of days. You had five years of raising Liliana without him. And before that, you had years of being with him. How were you supposed to weigh nearly seven years of your life in just three days?Â
But still, you had to decide before leaving for Asheville.Â
You squeezed your eyes shut. Everything was too much. You hated how everything was piling up at once. Without thinking, you grabbed your phone. Even though you were pissed at JJ, making a decision about Liliana on your own felt wrong.Â
Your fingers found Rafeâs number instead. You hesitated for a second, taking a deep breath. Then, before you could overthink it, you hit call.Â
You shouldâve just stayed in Asheville.Â
The phone barely rang before it was answered. Your brows shot up. You hadnât expected him to pick up that fast. Taking another deep breath, you opened your mouth to speak, but Rafe beat you to it. His voice was slightly breathless.Â
âHey.âÂ
âHi.â Your voice was flat, the exact opposite of his. You werenât in the mood to sound happy, let alone pretend you were fine. You just wanted to get this over with, to cross one thing off your list of a million things weighing you down.Â
âHow are you?â Even though you were the one who called, Rafe took the lead in the conversation. And that felt⊠strange. He wasnât the same guy he used to beâyou could tell. But every time he spoke, you could still picture the version of him you once knew.Â
Like he was someone else entirely.Â
And you werenât sure if that was a good thing or not.Â
You inhaled deeply, trying to find your voice. When you finally spoke, you hoped it sounded somewhat normal. âIâm fine.âÂ
If you had been face-to-face, even a stranger wouldâve known that was a lie. When silence settled between the two of you. You hated phone calls. Especially when you didnât know how to start them.Â
Realizing you hadnât even asked how he was, you spoke first. âYou?âÂ
âIâm⊠good, I guess. What are you doing?â Rafeâs voice was quieter now. He wasnât as excited as when he first picked upâhe sounded calmer. His breathing had slowed. Maybe heâd picked up on the exhaustion in your voice. You didnât know.Â
After all, Rafe wasnât someone you knew anymore, and you couldnât begin to guess what was going through his head.Â
Your eyes wandered around the room. Lilianaâs toys were scattered in a few places, but the house was mostly tidy. You sighed. âIâm at hoââÂ
Rafe cut you off, quick and eager. âIs Liliana with you?â His previous excitement was back, and you could tell from his voice that he was smiling.Â
You pulled your legs up onto the couch, shaking your head even though he couldnât see you. âNo⊠Noâsheâs asleep.âÂ
âOh⊠Got it.âÂ
âGreat.â You replied dryly. The conversation hit another dead end, and for a moment, you almost forgot why you had even called. The silence stretched between you two, tense and uncomfortable, but it didnât last long before Rafe spoke again.Â
âDo you remember TopperâOf course, you remember Topper. Shit⊠Well⊠Heâs having a birthday party. June 29th, I think. If you wanted to comeââÂ
You didnât need to hear the rest. You were only curious about how heâd finish the sentence.Â
âNo.âÂ
The two of you werenât close. You and Topper, especially, were never close. Being there wouldnât just be weirdâit would be unbearable. Besides, you werenât exactly in the mood for parties or loud places anymore. At least not right now.Â
Rafe exhaled. âOkay.â There was no disappointment in his voice, just acceptance. And you were relieved. You werenât friends. You werenât going to pretend to be by showing up at some party.Â
âAnd yes, I remember him. Four years isnât that long to forget someone.â You ran a hand over your face. You knew he was just stretching the conversation, but you werenât in the mood.Â
âYeah⊠itâs not.â Rafe went quiet. You had a feeling you knew whatâor whoâhe was thinking about. So, you stayed quiet.Â
You werenât old friends reconnecting after years apart, and you never would be. Thatâs why you had no interest in casual conversations. You wanted this to be short and to the point, yet somehow, both of you kept dragging it out.Â
âSo⊠I donât want to pressure you, but have you thought about what we talked about? Or was this just⊠kind of your way of questioning if I even deserve it?âÂ
At his words, you sat up straighter on the couch. Did he deserve it? You had no idea. You hoped he didâif there was any chance of him being in Lilianaâs life.Â
âThatâs why I called you. IâI know I said Iâd think about it, but RafeâJeez, I donât trust you.â You didnât really trust anyone these days, but Rafe was at the top of that list. He didnât just hurt you. He shattered you. And now, years later, he wanted to come back, claiming regret?Â
It was disgusting.Â
âI get it.â His voice was thick, almost strained. Maybe the old you wouldâve felt bad for him. But he wasnât there when you needed him.Â
âNo matter how much I try to be objective, at the end of the day, the person Iâm gambling on here is my daughter.â And when it came to protecting her, there wasnât a line you wouldnât cross. Even if it meant running to the ends of the earth.Â
Rafe said nothing.Â
âI donât want to say no. I donât want to take that right away from Liliana. But Iâm not saying yes either. I just⊠I donât know if itâs the right thing.âÂ
âI completely understand. IâIâll wait as long as you need. Whenever you decide to let me see herâif you ever doâI just⊠I donât want you to think Iâm doing this to get close to you. Shit, I suck at these kinds of conversations. I screwed everything up. Not just usâmy whole life. And I donât want to keep living like that. If thereâs even a small chance that I can be better, I want to take it.âÂ
You wanted to believe him. You really did. But it was hard. Especially because you knew himâwho he used to be.Â
It felt like the hardest decision youâd ever have to make. Because this wasnât about you. It was about Liliana. The moment you introduced them, it would be over. Sheâd know her father was back. Sheâd want to see him.Â
The words left your mouth before you could stop them. âIâll think about it.âÂ
You werenât ready to give him a straight answer. Maybe you never would be. But you would think about it.Â
âAnd Iâm grateful for that.â The second those words left his lips, it felt like a punch to your stomach. You leaned back into the couch, sinking into the cushions, taking a deep breath.Â
You didnât want words of affection from him. You didnât want soft reassurances.Â
He would be in Lilianaâs life. Not yours. And he needed to understand that. If he already did, then he needed to remember it.Â
âI have to go.â You didnât want to say goodbye. You werenât friends. You never would be.Â
âOkay,â Rafe said.Â
âOkay.â You echoed him.Â
âTake care.â Those were his last words before you ended the call.Â
You werenât friends.Â
You didnât want his thoughts on your life. Not even one.Â
This was only for Liliana. That was the only reason you spoke to Rafe. The only reason you called.Â
âAre you done?âÂ
The sudden voice snapped you back to reality. Your eyes flew open, and your body reacted faster than your mind, making you jolt upright. One hand clutched your chest as you turned toward the doorway.Â
JJ was standing there, his expression unreadable, a not-so-friendly smirk tugging at his lips. He dropped the grocery bag in his hand onto the floor, shaking his head.
Did he really have the nerve to stand there and smile at you like nothing happened? Had he lost his mind?Â
"I asked you a question, you know? Are you guys done talking?" JJ tossed his keys onto the couch. There was almost a smirk on his lips, but it was clear it wasnât out of happinessâjust pure mockery. As if he had any right to ask you anything.Â
You wanted to yell at him, but you held back, keeping your composure. You werenât going to drag this out any longer. He was already dense enough at the moment; you didnât need word games. "Yeah. We're done."Â
JJ let out a dry chuckle, staying right where he was instead of stepping closer. "Whatâd you tell himâactually, wait. Never mind. Forget it. Iâ I just wanna drop this. Do whatever you want, just donât tell me about it."Â
Your eyes squeezed shut. One hand went to your forehead, the other lifted as if you were trying to stop yourself from doing something reckless. You had no idea what the hell had gotten into JJ lately, but you wanted to rip it out of him and shove it so far up his ass that heâd finally cut this crap. "Stop doing that."Â
"I'm literally not doing anything," JJ said, laughing right after. But there wasnât a single trace of amusement in his voice.Â
"I'm done playing games." You forced yourself to stay calm. He was the one who walked out of this house and didnât come back for three days. And now, the moment he steps back inside, he thinks heâs the one who gets to act like this?Â
JJ started moving toward the couch, pulling off his jacket as he went. "Whatever you say." He tossed the jacket onto the couch and leaned back, making himself comfortable. You clenched your fists, trying to keep yourself together.Â
Liliana was upstairs, and yelling was the last thing you needed to do. You were not about to fight with JJ in front of her. Ever.Â
You took a deep breath, swallowing down everything bubbling up inside you. Just one more try. If you could just get through this one last time, you could leave it all behind. Of course, you had every right to call him out for disappearing for three days, to be pissed at him, but you wanted to fix things, not burn them down. "If you're willing to sit down and talk to me like a normal person, I want to have one last conversation with you. No yelling. No arguing."Â
JJ stopped. When he turned around a few seconds later, the smug, cocky attitude was gone. His expression had completely changed, his face unreadable. "Why?"Â
"What do you mean, why? Donât play dumb, JJ. Iâm standing right here, trying to be a rational adult and talk to you." It was exhausting.Â
JJ took a step forward, his brows slowly pulling together. "Are you seriously gonna make me repeat myself? I told you to do whatever you want. Youâre her parentâ"Â
That was it. You shot up from where you were sitting, cutting him off before he could even finish. "One more timeâjust one more time you say that, and I swear to God, I will punch you in the face." You tried to keep your voice steady, but you already knew youâd failed. Your tone had gone sharp, louder than you intended.Â
Not that JJ cared if you raised your voice. It wasnât about him. It was about Liliana. You didnât want her to hear this.Â
"What do you want me to say?" JJ shrugged as he walked toward the couch, his tone infuriatingly indifferent. "I said itâs your decision, Iâll respect it. You get what you want."Â
He was never going to understand. He only heard what he wanted to hearâhe wasnât even listening to what you were saying. "I donât want to âget what I want.â I want us to sit down and figure this out together."Â
JJ rolled his eyes so hard you thought they might get stuck. You felt your patience snap. If this were Liliana, everything would already be resolved by now. But JJ? He was worse than her. More stubborn. More childish. "Jesus. Iâm telling you, this decision is yours. I wonât interfere. What do you want, another fight like last night?"Â
You couldnât take it anymore. "Who even are you?"Â
You watched as confusion flashed across his face. JJ took a step back. "What?"Â
You didnât stop. "Who the hell are you?"Â
JJâs eyes narrowed. Clearly, he had no idea what you were getting at. "What the hell are you talking about?"Â
"Tell me what role you see yourself in Lilianaâs life."Â
JJ swallowed. His mouth opened, then closed, and his hand went to his hair like he was trying to figure out what to say. "Iâ isnât it obvious?"Â
You shook your head, fast. You didnât want to be angry anymore. "No. Clearly, itâs not. Weâre not on the same page. Tell me how you see it, and I swear to you, Iâll act accordingly. The way I see your role in her life and the way you see it yourselfâtheyâre not the same."Â
Whatever answer he gave, you would accept it. If he saw himself as an uncle, then fine, youâd treat him like one. If he saw himself as nothing more than a stranger, so be it. A brother? A parent? Whatever it was, you just needed to know.Â
"Iâ" JJ started.Â
"You what?"Â
JJ spread his arms, looking at you like this whole thing was ridiculous. "This is bullshit."Â
"You canât even say itâ You know what, JJ? Maybe, for the first time in five years, you actually disappointed me. And I really wish I didnât have to feel that."Â
It was never going to be simple, was it? He just had to fight back, had to shut you out instead of just facing it. You raised Liliana together. And yetâÂ
You didnât even want to think about it. You tried to shove down the overwhelming urge to just walk away from all of this. JJ was the one person in your life you trusted the most. For the past few years, he had been. And you couldnât wrap your head around how it was all unraveling in just a few days.Â
If someone had told you weeks ago that youâd be standing here, questioning everything, you wouldnât have believed them. You wouldâve laughed and said, "JJ would never do that."Â
But here he was. Doing it. Every word, every moveâbreaking your heart, little by little. He wasnât JJ anymore. Not the JJ you knew. He was turning into someone careless. Someone indifferent.Â
"Feelingâs mutual," JJâs voice came sharp, dripping with sarcasm. You took a deep breath. You werenât going to cry. Not in front of him.Â
It hurt like hell. Not being able to be vulnerable, even with the person you trusted the most. Not even feeling safe enough to cry in front of him.Â
Your eyebrows lifted, a bitter laugh threatening to spill. "That so?"Â
"Yeah." JJ didnât hesitate. Not even for a second. There wasnât an ounce of doubt in his voice. He knew exactly what he was saying.
The words slipped from your lips before you even had time to think. You didnât mean to say them out loud. But deep down, you knew they were true.Â
"Maybe we're starting to hurt each other."Â
And maybe you were.Â
You couldnât help but look at yourself, at the way you felt tangled up in emotions that never seemed to settle. It wasnât just about what you felt for himâit was also about the way he made you feel.Â
JJâs lips twitched slightly before a dry, humorless laugh escaped him.Â
"Maybe."Â
You wanted to hate him. You wanted to so badlyâexcept, no, that wasnât right. It wasnât hate. It was disappointment, frustration, an ache that sat too heavy in your chest.Â
"Itâs been three days," you said, hating the way your voice wavered. You hated how weak you sounded, how obvious the tremble was.Â
And this time, you didnât give him the chance to speak first. Maybe he wouldnât understand, but for once, you wanted to open yourself up. You wanted to believe that if you said the right words, if you explained it in the right way, somethingâanythingâmight change. But you also knew, with a sinking certainty, that it wouldnât.Â
Because JJ was too damn stubborn. Too damn stupid. And you already knew exactly how this would go.Â
You looked at him, searching for some kind of reaction, some acknowledgment that he was hearing you, that he was here with you. But he just stood there, staring at the ground. Silent. Avoiding your eyes.Â
"You said youâd come," you finally said, voice quieter now, like maybe if you didnât say it too loud, it wouldnât hurt as much. "And Iâ" You swallowed, forcing yourself to look anywhere but at him. "I waited for you all night. Almost all night. I waited for that door to open, but you never showed up."Â
You could still see itâthe way you sat there, staring at the door, holding onto the stupid hope that any second now, heâd walk in. That things would be okay. That maybe, just maybe, this time would be different.Â
JJ still didnât lift his head when he spoke. His voice was so flat, so emotionless, that it almost felt like a slap in the face.Â
"I'm here now."Â
Your head snapped up, eyes narrowing as you stared at him. Was he serious? Was he actually standing here, looking you in the eye, and acting like that made up for anything?Â
"Youâve got to be kidding me," you muttered, more to yourself than to him. You searched his face for any sign of regret, any hint of an apology, but he wouldnât even look at you.Â
You couldnât believe this was the same person you had known for years, the person you had spent so much time with. He looked like a stranger.Â
"Fuck you," you said, voice sharp and bitter as you turned on your heel.Â
You couldnât do this. You couldnât stand here and look at him, not when he was acting like this. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest it felt like it was trying to break free. It physically hurt.Â
You stormed toward the stairs, desperate to put distance between the two of you, but his voice stopped you in your tracks.Â
"You donât remember anything, do you?"Â
There was something different in his tone now. It wasnât flat, wasnât distant. It was shaking. It was the first real emotion he had shown since he walked through that damn door.Â
You turned back, brows furrowing. He was still standing there, shoulders slumped, eyes glassy. He dragged a hand through his hair, messing it up even more.Â
"What?" you asked, confused.Â
JJ didnât look up. His hand pressed against his chest as if that alone could steady him.Â
For a split second, you thought he was in pain. But then the memory of the past three days came rushing back, and all you could feel was frustration. Because if he was hurting, if something had happened, he sure as hell wasnât letting you in on it.Â
"I cared about you," he said, voice cracking slightly, as if the words themselves were painful to say. He wasnât even talking to you at this point. It felt like he was talking to himself, as if he was saying it out loud for the first time.Â
Something about it made your stomach twist.Â
You hesitated, then slowly started walking back down the stairs. You didnât know why. Maybe it was the way his voice sounded. Maybe it was the way he wouldnât even look at you. Maybe it was the fact that despite everything, despite knowing better, you still wanted to understand him.Â
"JJ," you said cautiously, searching his face. "What are you talking about? What donât I remember?"Â
You hated how lost you sounded.Â
JJ finally stopped pacing. His body was tense, like he was holding something back, like if he said it too fast or too loud, the words might actually destroy him.Â
"You really donât remember," he said, mostly to himself. Then he let out a shaky breath. "For three fucking days, all I did was think about the last five years of my life. About you. About Liliana. About us."Â
His voice broke slightly on the last word.Â
"About the life we had together," he finished quietly. "And it fucking destroyed me."Â
You felt like you had been punched in the stomach.Â
JJ finally lifted his head. His eyes were red, and for the first time, you couldnât tell if he was just exhausted or if he was actually about to break right in front of you.Â
Where the hell had he been for the last three days? What had happened to him?Â
You had spent so much time being angry, being hurt, that it hadnât even occurred to you to wonder what he had been doing. Where he had been sleeping. If he had been eating.Â
And the worst part? The first thing he did when he walked through that door wasnât explain. It wasnât apologize. It wasnât reassure you that he was okay.Â
No.Â
He came in, looked you in the eye, and started a fight. Because that was what JJ did. That was all he knew how to do.Â
You swallowed hard, watching him carefully. His lips parted like he wanted to say something else, but he hesitated. He looked wrecked. His body, his face, everything about him screamed exhaustion.Â
He needed sleep. Maybe food. Maybe something stronger than that.Â
But despite everything, despite how much he had pissed you off, how much he had hurt you, you stillâ God, you still cared. And you hated it.Â
He wasnât the same. He wasnât the JJ you knew just days ago. He was looking at you like you were a stranger, like the past didnât exist. But even after all that, even after everything he had done, if he asked for your help, you knew you would give it.Â
Because you were an idiot.Â
And because if there was even a small chance he would go back to the person you knewâthe person you trustedâyou would do whatever it took to bring him back.Â
But you already knew how this would end. JJ had disappeared for three days after your first real fight.Â
What the hell would he do the next time?Â
When your eyes finally met his again, he swallowed hard. His Adamâs apple bobbed, his jaw clenched. He took a step toward you, but there was still so much space between you.Â
"I need you to tell me," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Do you remember, or are you just pretending?"Â
There was almost a glimmer of hope in his eyesâyou could see it. But you struggled to understand what he was talking about. He kept asking you about something you didnât even know. No clues, no hints, just vague words.Â
How could he expect you to remember something you didnât even know existed?Â
âHow the hell am I supposed to remember something you never told me?! What am I supposed to remember?âÂ
You stepped down a few more stairs, closing the distance between you. Your stomach was tight, knotted with frustration. You were impatient, and it showed. You were sick of JJâs cryptic bullshit.
Clear and direct. Thatâs all you needed.Â
"You donât remember."Â
JJ shook his head. The moment his eyes drifted away from you, something inside you snapped. Whether it was anger or sadness, you werenât sure, but you had reached your limit.Â
"JJ. I need you to be straight with me right now. What the hell are you talking about?"Â
Your voice rose without meaning to, and you shut your eyes tight, pressing your lips together. For just a secondâjust one secondâyou had forgotten that Liliana was upstairs.Â
You turned your head, glancing toward the staircase, checking if she had heard or if she was coming down. But then, you heard a chuckle. Your brows knitted together. You had hopedâreally hopedâthat it wasnât what you thought. But of course, it was.Â
You turned your head sharply, eyes locking onto JJ, and of course, he was the one laughing.Â
Of course.Â
You had no idea how much more frustrating this situation could get, but you were about to lose your mind. JJ clearly needed some sleep. Otherwise, youâd be the one knocking him out and forcing him to restâwith a punch.Â
Taking a deep breath, you kept your gaze fixed on him. JJ was staring at the floor, muttering almost to himself, "Iâm an idiot. The biggest one."Â
The moment you saw him move toward the stairs, your heartbeat picked up. You hated the way your body reacted to him getting closer. Even after the argument.Â
He couldnât just walk past you like nothing had happened. You werenât going to let that slide. Not a chance.Â
As he moved to step around you, the clean scent of him hit your nose, making your whole body tense. So, he hadnât been outside all night. He had stayed somewhere. He had fresh clothes on. That feeling deep in your stomach made you shut your eyes tight for a second. You didnât know where he had been. You didnât know whose place he had stayed at. AndâÂ
Screw it. His life.Â
You grabbed his arm, gripping it tightly, stopping him in his tracks. He didnât resist, didnât try to move past you. It was like he had already accepted whatever was coming. "Tell me what you mean."Â
JJ didnât look at you. His gaze stayed on the edge of the stairs. He took a slow, deep breath. "A promise. You made me a promise. That no matter what, weâd always be there for each other. Thatâs it."Â
As soon as the words left his mouth, he tried to move again. You stepped back quickly, blocking his path. This time, you were directly in front of him, but his eyes still refused to meet yours. You placed your hand on his chest, stopping him. "No, thatâs not it. Youâre lying. I know you."Â
"Let it go."Â
JJ shifted to move past you again, but you stepped in front of him once more. His chest brushed against yours, and for a second, your breath caught. He was standing on the lower step, yet he still towered over you.Â
He could push you aside so easily. You both knew it. But he didnât.Â
Then, he lifted his head. The moment his eyes locked onto yours, you nearly stumbled. You felt like you should step back. Like you had to. But you didnât. Not an inch.Â
"JJâ"Â
Your words died in your throat when his cold fingers touched your cheek. Your voice vanished. Unlike before, this time, he was looking directly at you. And you were certainâhe was reading your mind.Â
"Let it go," he murmured. "Like you said, all we do is hurt each other now."Â
Hearing those words from him wasnât the same as when you had said them. You were angry. But heâhe was calm. Like he actually meant it.Â
The words hit you like a punch to the stomach. Before you could process it, the warmth between you vanished. Your hand, the one that had been resting against his chest, dropped to your side.Â
JJ averted his gaze, stepping down one more stair. The distance between you suddenly felt like miles. Neither of you looked at each other.Â
"Iâm gonna check on Liliana. I promised her a beach day tomorrow."Â
You let him walk past you.
As the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, a light breeze swept across the beach. The waves lapped gently against the shore, mingling with the cheerful shrieks of children playing in the sand. JJ dusted off his thin t-shirt as he stood up, rubbing his eyes with his fingers before calling out to the small figure in the distance.Â
âLily! Come on! Itâs getting dark,â he shouted.Â
Liliana ignored his voice for a moment, carefully placing the final touches on her sandcastle. Her tiny fingers delicately lined up seashells, completely focused on making her towers perfect. Her face held a sweet kind of determination. But JJ wasnât in the mood to linger much longer. Something restless and heavy stirred inside himâan unease that had been lingering for days now.Â
Ever since that fight with you. It had messed him up more than he wanted to admitâleft him feeling like he just wanted to disappear.Â
He didnât realize how much he had hurt Liliana until he walked into her room that night. The way she ran up to him, eyes wide and desperate, shattered him. And it wasnât just because of her. It was because of you, too. Because of the second fight.Â
He never wanted to start a fight, but those stupid feelingsâthose goddamn feelingsâhad him all twisted up.Â
And if there was one thing he couldnât get out of his head, it was kissing you.Â
And then you had to go and mention Rafe, like it was nothing. Like it didnât matter. Like it hadnât been less than 24 hours sinceâÂ
Without even realizing it, he had brought Liliana back to the same beach where he had run into you. Only, this time, it wasnât quiet. It was summer now, and the place was packed. Back then, it had been fall. Every time he glanced to the right, he could hear your voices in his head, replaying that conversation over and over. Every time he looked at the water, all he could see was the way you had laughed, the way you had splashed him, the way you had made him feelâlight. Maybe thatâs when it started. Maybe thatâs when he started falling for you. He wasnât sure.Â
There had been other women since thenâif you could even call them that. A handful, maybe. Dates that led to kisses that led to nothing. Nothing like what he had felt when he kissed you.Â
You were water, and he was a man dying of thirst in the desert.Â
For five years, he had taken other girls out on dates when it shouldâve been you. It shouldâve been you.Â
But of course, you were drunk. JJ was just letting his mind run wild. You hadnât been with anyone for five years, and people had needsâjust like everyone else. Maybe, in that moment, he was just the most convenient option. You didnât even remember. JJ had figured that out real quick. If you had, you wouldâve said something. You wouldâve reacted.Â
But you just looked at him with those empty eyes, and it made him feel like absolute shit.Â
He regretted it. And yet, he was grateful for it. It had pulled something out of him, something raw and realâsomething that probably shouldâve stayed buried.Â
He regretted it. He shouldnât have done it. But he still wanted you to remember.Â
No matter what happened, those moments shouldnât have been just his to carry alone.Â
Starting a fight had never been his goal. Swear to God. He just⊠hadnât known how else to react. The kiss. You not remembering. And then Rafe. Like a slap in the face.Â
He hadnât wanted to leave, either. At least, not deep down. But if he had stayed, things wouldâve just gotten worse. More fights.Â
Was he sorry? Yeah. But was he angrier at himself than anything else? Also yeah.Â
He ran a hand down his face and straightened up. As he watched Liliana keep working on her sandcastle, ignoring him completely, he took a deep breath. It was getting late. The sooner they got home, the faster sheâd be asleep.Â
He had just stepped forward to get her when a familiar laugh made his stomach drop.Â
âOh my God, are my eyes deceiving me?âÂ
JJ tensed. He knew that voice. Turning his head slightly, he saw three figures walking along the beach. He recognized them instantlyâTopper, Kelce, and⊠Rafe.Â
A punch to the chest wouldâve been kinder. His hands curled into fists before he could stop himself. He hadnât expected to see him again anytime soon.Â
Kelce, always the cocky asshole, tilted his head with a smirk. âMan, you still alive?â His grin stretched wide, all teeth and mischief.Â
Topper rolled his eyes, but he was grinning too. âWe seriously thought you were dead. Swear to God.âÂ
JJ took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. This was not the kind of run-in he was equipped to deal with right now. He glanced back quickly, checking on Lilianaâstill playing. Good. He let out a slow exhale.Â
âAlright, thatâs enough,â Rafe muttered, turning to the others with an unimpressed look. His voice made JJâs skin crawl.Â
JJâs gaze flicked over Rafe. He had changed over the years, but not enough. The same arrogant posture, the same cold stare. It took everything in him not to let the anger boiling inside spill over. It wasnât just personal hateâhe hated everything about Rafe. Every. Damn. Thing.Â
Except for one.Â
Liliana.Â
âAs you can see, Iâm alive,â JJ said, his voice surprisingly steady. Even he wasnât sure how he managed it.Â
It wasnât like he had any real grudge against Topper or Kelce. He just couldnât stand them. But Rafe?Â
He loathed his entire existence.Â
Kelce raised an eyebrow, pointing his beer at JJ with an amused look. âJust outta curiosityânot that I actually give a shitâbut where the hell have you been for the last four years? There was a time when people were saying your dad straight-up killed you.âÂ
JJ clenched his jaw but forced a smile. Funny. He never thought heâd be someone people speculated about.Â
He had just left.Â
For you.Â
And he had thought about coming back. So many times. But then he saw Liliana. He saw you. And that made it impossible.
You couldâve handled everything on your own. He knew you would succeed no matter what. But you didnât have to. You wouldâve been fine aloneâyou wouldâve found a way. JJ knew that. But forcing you to do it? That wasnât really his style. He wasnât the kind of guy whoâd walk away when he could make things easier for you, when he could help.Â
Right now, his emotions were all over the place. His heart and mind werenât on the same page. Especially when his brain kept screaming that he was going to lose you and Liliana. He was trying to pull himself together, but the second he got close to you, every logical thought in his body bailed on him.Â
âSo, since Iâm standing here, I guess you figured out I didnât do it. I was busy.â JJ cut straight to the point. There wasnât much to explain. Especially not to them.Â
Topper let out a loud laugh, stumbling as he nudged Kelce with his elbow. âIâd bet money he was out being a gigolo. The ladiesâ favorite, right?âÂ
JJ rolled his eyes, annoyed. Same old dumb jokes, same pointless jabs⊠It was like time hadnât moved at all. Like Topper was still that same kid from five years ago.Â
How was it possible that while everyone else grew, evolved, added something to themselves, this guy was still stuck in the same childish loop? Had he seriously never done a single thing to improve himself?Â
âCan we cut the crap?â Rafe muttered, eyes on the waves. He took a step back and sipped his beer.Â
JJ realized just hearing his voice irritated him, so he quickly ducked down and kept gathering his stuff. The sooner he got out of here, the better. Especially after listening to these three run their mouths.Â
Kelce grinned and turned to Rafe. âCome on, man! You donât miss the old days?âÂ
âNo. When are we getting on the boat?âÂ
âYouâre such a buzzkill,â Kelce grumbled, glancing around. They were still standing in the same damn spot, as if there was nowhere else to be.Â
JJ sighed, shaking his head. He really couldnât stand them. He wasnât sure how much longer he could put up with it. Straightening up, he grabbed his bag. âYeah, yeah. Seeing you guys was terrible. Have fun.â He moved faster now, desperate to leave.Â
But then Topper tilted his head, smirking. âNot even gonna say âhappy birthday,â Jackson?âÂ
JJâs fingers clenched around the strap of his bag. He inhaled sharply, then turned to glare at Topper. The old him wouldâve fired back with some sarcastic remark. But not now. Now, he just wanted to be done with this. âHappy birthday, Topper.âÂ
Kelceâs grin widened as he stepped closer. âBe honestâyou started escorting, didnât you?âÂ
This time, JJ actually laughed. If he werenât living with you and Liliana, maybe he wouldâve. He couldâve made some serious cash. âAs tempting as it is to be a millionaire with this faceâno.â He picked up his pace, avoiding eye contact, pretending Rafe wasnât even there.Â
âSame old egoââÂ
And then Lilianaâs voice cut through the air. âWhy didnât you look at my tower?!âÂ
JJâs head snapped up. Her voice hit him like a bolt of lightning, sending a jolt of panic straight through his chest. And then he saw itâRafe standing right next to her.Â
His blood ran cold.Â
Rafe was focused on Liliana, standing just a little behind her, but watching her intently. They shouldnât be that close. No.Â
JJ moved instantly, stepping in front of Liliana like a human shield. He reached out and gently placed a hand on her hair, making sure Rafe couldnât see her clearly. âI did look,â he said quickly, keeping his tone even, trying to act normal. His heart was hammering in his chest. He needed to leave. Now.Â
But Rafe⊠Rafe was already staring at her. Of course, heâd seen you and Liliana before. And of course, he remembered her.Â
Shit.Â
Liliana turned toward her sandcastle, pointing at it with a tiny hand. âCan we take it home?âÂ
JJ tensed. He cleared his throat and shook his head. Normally, he wouldâve found that adorable. But not now. Not in this situation. He couldnât even react. He just needed to get the hell out of here. âNo, sweetheart. It belongs here.âÂ
And there it wasâthe thing he hated. Talking to Liliana in front of Rafe. Living through this exact moment.Â
Goddamn it, he shouldâve never come to the beach today.Â
âButâMommy would love it,â Liliana said.Â
JJ swallowed against the lump in his throat. He took her hand and pulled her back slightly, reaching for the beach bag. âMommy will help you build a new one when she gets back. Come on, grab your bag. Itâs time to go.âÂ
âA kid?!âÂ
Kelceâs voice rang out, full of shock and amusement. âDamn! Holy shit. So thatâs it. Thatâs why youâve been so busy? Jesus.âÂ
JJ clenched his jaw. He didnât want him talking about Liliana. He didnât want any of them talking about her.Â
âShut up, Kelce,â Rafe muttered.Â
JJ hadnât meant to, but his eyes flicked to Rafeâand what he saw made his stomach tighten.Â
Rafe looked⊠off. His expression wasnât just shock. It was something deeper. Confusion. Anger. A kind of helpless frustration.Â
It was all tangled together on his face, like he was trying to make sense of something he couldnât quite put his finger on. His gaze kept bouncingâfrom JJ to Liliana, then back to you. Over and over, like he was connecting invisible dots in his head.Â
Like he was trying to put together a puzzle. His lips parted slightly, his brows furrowed. And then JJ realized.Â
Rafe didnât know.Â
Rafe had only ever thought about you and Liliana. Just the two of you. Not you, Liliana, and JJ. In his mind, it had never included JJ. BecauseâÂ
Youâd never told him.Â
You never told Rafe that JJ was in your life.Â
And now, standing there, he was staring at you like a complete idiot, his face frozen in stunned disbelief. JJ felt his chest tighten, anger bubbling up. He wasnât even sure who he was mad at.Â
But underneath that anger, there was something else.Â
A dull, aching kind of hurt.Â
How could you not tell him?
Were you really coming to JJ for his opinion on Rafe meeting Liliana⊠but couldnât even bring yourself to tell him you had someone in your life?Â
JJ couldnât help itâhe felt hurt. He didnât know if you were a family, but you had shouted at him that he was Lilianaâs parent. You had said it, whether he liked it or not. And yetâdespite saying it to himâyou hadnât mentioned him to Rafe.Â
Fuck.Â
Rafe took a step forward, and JJ swallowed hard. God, he hated him with every fiber of his being.Â
âWhatâs her name?â Rafeâs voice was ice-coldâjust like his expression.Â
JJâs fist clenched. He pulled Liliana a little closer as he spoke. âNone of your damn business.âÂ
But Rafe stepped toward the little girl. âWhatâs your name?â His voice was steadier this time, more certain. He already knewâhe had figured it outâbut he needed to hear it. He needed confirmation, and JJ knew that all too well.Â
Stillâno matter how much he despised Rafe, he wasnât going to lose it in front of Liliana.Â
The second Rafe moved in, JJ dropped the beach bag and stepped right in front of him. Their chests nearly collided, the tension between them sharp enough to cut through the air.Â
Rafe didnât take his eyes off Liliana.Â
JJ, on the other hand, stared straight at him.Â
Kelce and Topper immediately went on high alert. Topper even grabbed Rafeâs arm, giving it a small tugâbut Rafe didnât budge. Not even an inch.Â
âBack the fuck off,â JJâs voice was lethal.Â
When it came to Liliana, he wouldnât hesitate. Not for a second.Â
Liliana, sensing that someone was talking to her, tilted her head up and answered sweetly, âLiliana! But my family calls me Lily.âÂ
JJ squeezed his eyes shut for a second. He didnât want to do this in front of her. Fighting in front of Liliana wasnât an option.Â
With a deep breath, he took a step back.Â
âWhat the hell are you doing, man?â Kelce yanked Rafeâs arm harder this time, his face full of genuine confusion.Â
Rafe staggered slightly, running a hand through his hair.Â
He didnât know what to do.Â
His eyes kept darting between JJ and Liliana, his breaths coming out sharp and uneven. He was standing right by the ocean, in the open air, but somehowâit felt like he couldnât breathe.Â
JJ didnât waste another second. He scooped Liliana up effortlessly. âCome on, Lily.â He grabbed the beach bag and turned.Â
Then, just as he was about to leave, he glanced at Topper. For half a second, he debated whether to say anything at all. But in the end, he just sighed. âHappy birthday, Topper.âÂ
Liliana, ever the mimic, waved her little hand at him. âHappy birthday, Topper!âÂ
JJ walked off, moving fast.Â
Meanwhile, Rafe stood frozen, stomach twisting, head spinning. He felt sick. He didnât even know whyâjust that he couldnât stand being here a second longer. And sure, it was Topperâs birthday, but right now? He couldnât care less.Â
What the hell was that?Â
âWhat the hell was that, man?â Kelce echoed his thoughts, eyebrows furrowed. He was trying to make sense of what had just happened, but it wasnât clicking.Â
Rafe shook his head, his voice low and hoarse. âIâm not in the mood. Iâm heading home.âÂ
He didnât wait for a response. He didnât even look back.Â
Topper let out a slow whistle, mumbling under his breath.Â
âThe fuck was that?â
When JJ slammed the door shut, the sharp sound echoed through the house, thickening the already tense air. His shoulders were tight, his fingers gripping the door handle for a brief second before slowly relaxing.Â
Running a hand through his hair, he let out a tired breath. His shirt still carried the salty trace of the ocean breeze, clinging to him like the weight of the day. He tugged at the fabric absentmindedly, fingers reaching up to rub the tension from the back of his neckâuntil a noise from the kitchen caught his attention.Â
The soft clang of a metal spoon against a pot rang through the quiet house, making it sound even louder.Â
Without rushing, he made his way down the hallway. When he reached the kitchen doorway, he saw you.Â
Your back was to him. You had the lid of a gently simmering pot lifted, stirring the contents with steady, deliberate movements. The steam rose, hitting your face, but you didnât flinch or pull back. Your expression was blank as you stared into the pot, but the way you stirredârough, almost aggressiveâgave you away.Â
JJ knew youâd heard him come in.Â
The slight tensing of your shoulders. The momentary pause of the spoon in your hand.Â
You knew he was there. But you didnât look up.Â
Of course, you knew he was homeâbut after that argument? You had decided you werenât acknowledging him just yet. If he was going to act like an ass, you could too.Â
âWhereâs Lily?â you asked, frowning slightly. You wouldâve heard her by now if she were home.Â
âWith Cleo,â JJ answered, voice even. He didnât look at you either.Â
Your brows knitted together. Liliana being at Cleoâs didnât make sense. Why would she be there? You followed JJ as he headed toward the living room, still not sparing you a glance.Â
âI thought you were at the beach?â you said, stepping out of the kitchen.Â
âWe were.â His voice was devoid of emotion.Â
God, that attitude was pissing you off. He was still acting like this because of your fight? Really? Like a damn child.Â
You took a sharp breath, trying to rein in your irritation.Â
âThen why is Liliana with Cleo?â Your tone had an edge to it now. You werenât letting this slideâhe owed you an explanation.Â
JJ dropped onto the couch and, for the first time since he got home, finally turned to look at you. âBecause we need to talk, and I canât do that with Liliana in the house.âÂ
Your arms crossed as you leaned against the doorway, lifting a brow. âOh? Thought you made yourself pretty damn clear this morning.âÂ
The memory of how heâd spoken to you earlier sent another wave of irritation through you.Â
âAnd I donât want to argue with you while Lilianaâs home,â JJ continued, voice steady but tight with barely contained frustration.Â
You scoffed, shaking your head. âSo weâre gonna fight, huh? Thatâs what this is?â There was a mocking lilt to your tone. The irony of it all wasnât lost on youâfighting seemed to be all you two did lately.Â
JJ let out a dry chuckle. âNot exactly out of character for us these days, is it?âÂ
Despite the sarcasm, you could hear the undercurrent of resentment in his voice. He was sick of this, just like you were. But neither of you seemed to know how to stop.Â
You exhaled slowly, rubbing your temples. This was exhausting. The constant tension, the biting remarks, the thick air of resentment clinging to every room you shared. âWhat are you mad about now?â you finally asked.Â
JJ laughedâbut there wasnât a single ounce of amusement in it.Â
âThe beach,â he said, eyes locked on yours. âWe were there. And then, out of nowhere, your boyfriend shows up.âÂ
Your posture stiffened instantly. The fuck was he on about now?Â
Your brows pulled together, irritation spiking. âWhat the hell are you talking about?âÂ
JJâs smirk disappeared, face darkening. âRafe. He showed up.âÂ
Your jaw clenched.Â
Oh, for fuckâs sake.Â
He was acting like you had personally invited Rafe there, like you had orchestrated the whole thing. As if you had any control over where Rafe went and when. As if you even wanted to see him.Â
Rolling your eyes, you turned on your heel, heading straight back to the kitchen. âYouâre ridiculous.âÂ
JJâs footsteps followed behind you almost instantly.Â
You shook your head to yourself, already regretting even engaging in this conversation. You didnât want to keep this fight going, didnât want him following you, but you knew he wasnât about to let it drop.Â
âYou really think Iâm making shit up?â JJâs voice was right behind you now.Â
You grabbed the spoon and resumed stirring, refusing to look at him. âI donât have time for your bullshit, especially not when youâre accusing me of stuff that makes no sense.âÂ
You heard the shuffle of his feet as he stepped into the kitchen. Your grip on the spoon tightened.Â
âOh, so Iâm lying?â JJâs voice dripped with mockery. âYou two havenât been talking again? What do you call that, then? A little romantic reunion, lovebirds?âÂ
Oh, he was doing this on purpose. You slammed the spatula down onto the counter, planting your hands on the marble. âFor the love of God, will you just shut up?âÂ
JJ let out another humorless chuckle. âSo this is where weâre at now?âÂ
Finally, you spun around to face him, leaning back against the counter. âI seriously cannot stand you right now. You show up just to pick a fight, then storm out like itâs my fault.âÂ
JJ spread his arms, smirk still plastered on his face. âSo Iâve gone from best friend to unbearable? Great. Thatâs real fucking nice to hear.âÂ
That was it. Your patience snapped.Â
âWhat the fuck is your problem?!âÂ
You were done. Done with the endless bickering, the passive-aggressive jabs, the way he kept pushing you for no reason.Â
JJâs smirk vanished instantly. His jaw tightened as he jabbed a finger in your direction, voice rising to match yours. âYou! You are my fucking problem! You and whatever the hell youâve been doing lately!âÂ
The room fell into an eerie silence. Your breaths were shallow, your heart pounding. JJ exhaled sharply, dragging a hand down his face, squeezing his eyes shut.Â
You pressed your palms against the counter behind you, gripping it tightly.Â
This wasnât him. Not the JJ you knew.Â
âI donât understand you anymore,â you admitted quietly. âIâve triedâbut I just donât.âÂ
JJ didnât say a word. He didnât even lift his head.
When you exhaled sharply, shaking your head, frustration tightened your chest. "I donât understand you anymore either."Â
You had always been upfront with him. Always. But he was leaving you hanging in this weird limbo, refusing to give you clarity while demanding it from you. He had no right to say that. You had never done anything to make things uncertain between you two.Â
"Iâve always laid my cards on the table, JJ," you said, voice steady but edged with irritation. "If you donât get me, itâs because you donât want to."Â
"Oh, sure. Of course," JJ scoffed, voice laced with sarcasm. He turned to leave, but thenâhe hesitated. And when he turned back, there was something unreadable in his eyes.Â
"He didnât know about me." The words slipped out so fast, they caught even him by surprise.Â
"What?" You frowned, already preparing for whatever cryptic nonsense he was about to spout next.Â
"Rafe," JJ clarified, jaw tightening. "He didnât know about me."Â
The realization hit you like a slap. So that was what this was about.Â
You stared at him, waiting for him to say he was joking. Because surelyâthis had to be a joke.Â
"You didnât tell him about me?" JJ asked, his voice so serious it made your stomach twist.Â
Your lips twitched slightly before you could stop them. A chuckle bubbled up, unbidden. You pressed a hand to your mouth, trying to contain it, but it was no use. Laughter slipped through, soft and incredulous.Â
"You seriously think I spend every second talking to him?" you asked, amusement cutting through your exasperation. "Iâve seen him, what, twice? And neither time lasted more than ten minutes."Â
JJâs expression darkened. He didnât seem amused in the slightest. "And yet, you didnât mention me. You didnât think to tell him that Iâm a part of Lilianaâs life?"Â
Your eyebrows shot up. "Oh, so now you admit you have a say in Lilianaâs life?"Â
Because just this morningâhell, three days ago tooâhe had been going on and on about how he wasnât her parent, how he had no claim over her. And now, suddenly, he cared? What, had a flower pot fallen on his head since the last time you spoke?Â
You never knew which version of JJ you were going to get whenever he walked through that door. It was exhausting, trying to keep up.Â
JJ opened his mouth like he was going to argue, but then he hesitated. You caught the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes.Â
You tilted your head, a little too entertained now. You knew him too wellâknew this wasnât just about Rafe. JJ was mad, sure, but there was something else underneath. Maybe even hurt. You had never really seen him like this before, but still, you knew him. Knew him down to his core.Â
"You were practically screaming this morning about how youâre not a parent," you mused. "So what changed?"Â
JJ rolled his eyes, running a hand through his hair as he took a step back. "Donât twist my words."Â
You scoffed. "Oh, Iâm twisting your words? Thatâs rich, coming from you."Â
His refusal to just talk to you like a normal person was pushing you past your limit. What was so hard about explaining himself? Why did he always have to turn everything into a fight? Did he really think you wouldnât understand?Â
You shook your head. "Thatâs your thing, not mine." Your voice was sharp now, laced with frustration you couldnât hide.Â
You hated thisâhated fighting with him like this. It felt wrong. It felt like something was breaking. And all you wanted was to put it back together. But every time you tried, it justâfell apart again.Â
JJ let out a dry, humorless laugh, looking away. "Unbelievable."Â
You couldnât read his expression anymore. And you hated that.Â
He ran his tongue over his teeth before giving you that half-smirk, the one that usually meant trouble. Your eye twitched. Was he seriously about to keep this up? He was standing here, acting like the victim, when he was the one who disappeared for three days without a word? When he hadnât even bothered to explain himself?Â
You didnât want to compare him to Rafe. You really, really didnât. But right nowâhe was acting just like him.Â
Your patience snapped.Â
You took a step forward, pointing a finger at him. "Youâre the one whoâs unbelievable." Whatever amusement you had before was gone. "How old are you, JJ? Because you sure as hell donât act like a grown man. You donât talk like one. All you know how to do is run away and leave me to figure out your mess."Â
JJâs jaw tightened. He shook his head, like he refused to accept what you were saying. "Donât. Justâdonât."Â
You arched a brow, taking another step closer.Â
You never thought it would get like this between you two. JJ had beenâeverything. Your best friend. Your partner in crime. The one person you could always count on. And yet, here you were, standing inches apart, breathing heavy, anger crackling between you like a live wire.Â
"Oh, what? You donât like what Iâm saying?" You let out a bitter laugh. "Whatâs next, huh? You gonna throw all the things youâve done for me in my face? Or maybe, this time, when things get too hard, youâll just leave for good? Youâll walk away from me and Lilianaâ"Â
A hand clamped over your mouth, cutting you off mid-sentence.Â
JJ had moved fast. Too fast. His eyes burned into yours, inches away, his palm firm but not forceful against your lips. His other handâwhen had that landed on your waist?Â
His voice was low, steady. "I would never do that."Â
He held your gaze like he needed you to believe him. Like he was silently daring you to contradict him. His eyes flickered between yours, searchingâpleading, even.Â
But JJ was a liar.Â
Your fingers wrapped around his wrist, prying his hand away. He let you. He didnât fight it. He moved with you, like he was mirroring your actions. Slow, controlled.Â
"I donât believe you," you said, not even hesitating.Â
Maybe he wouldnât leave. Maybe he really meant what he said. But you wanted to hurt him, just like he had hurt you. And for the first time, you saw it in his face. The flicker of something breaking.
Just as he stepped back, ready to retreat, the grip around your waist tightened. You couldnât move.
JJ wasnât going to let you have the last word. His gaze stayed locked onto yours, pupils blown wide. âIâm not that kind of person. You know that.â His voice was a low, angry whisper.
You swallowed hard. His breath fanned across your face. A part of you wanted to slap him, to take out every bit of pain and frustration from the past three days. You wanted him to pay for walking out on you, to shove him right back into whatever girlâs bed he had been crashing in.
You shook your head, eyes narrowing. He had no right to say this. Not after leaving you waiting by the door for three days straight. The JJ you knewâif he said he was coming back, he came back. He didnât leave you staring at the door, wondering if he ever would.
âI donât think I know you anymore.â Your voice was just as quiet as his, but you felt the sting of it in your own chest.
You hated the effect he had on you. Hated that he could still make you feel like this. You didnât want to cry in front of him. You were used to people walking away, used to getting hurt, used to betrayal. But JJ? You had leaned on him. He was supposed to be different. He had never let you down before.
And you know what? That made it hurt even worse.
JJ exhaled sharply, shaking his head. A bitter smirk ghosted his lips. âBut you do,â he murmured.
You werenât sure if he was trying to convince you or himself.
âI donât think so.â
You knew him better than anyone. Thatâs why you lied. Because deep down, you knew that if he just talked to youâif he just explained what the hell was going onâyou wouldnât even be fighting right now. But JJ was stubborn. Too stubborn. And you knew heâd never do that.
JJ took a half-step back, but his hand never left your waist. His brows lifted slightly. âSo what now? Whatâs your next move?â
You shrugged. That wasnât your problem. He was the one who needed to explain, the one who needed to apologize. Were you going to sit around and wait? No. Youâd go back to Asheville alone if you had to. But he needed to say something. If this was how it was going to be, maybe your time as friends had run its course.
âI donât know,â you admitted. âBut if you had just talked to me instead of throwing baseless accusations around, we wouldnât even be here.â
JJ sucked in a sharp breath, stepping closer. His frustration radiated off him. âYou drive me insane,â he muttered, his jaw tight. One hand ran through his hair, eyes squeezing shut.
You stared at him in disbelief. Oh, sure. Like this was your fault.
Before you could stop yourself, you shoved himâhard. He didnât budge. If anything, the force just brought you closer to him. But you didnât back down. You jabbed a finger into his chest.
âOh, I drive you insane?â Your voice rose, incredulous. âYouâre the one whoâs making me lose my mind!â
How the hell was this getting turned around on you again? How did he always make it seem like you were the problem?
JJ opened his eyes, calm now, which only made your anger burn hotter. He tilted his head slightly, watching you. Everything about him irritated you in this moment. He didnât even have to speak. Just existing right now was enough to piss you off.
His indifference. The way he had yelled at you earlier. The way he walked out, promising to come back but never did. The thought that he had been God-knows-where for three days, probably in someone elseâs bed. The fact that when he finally returned, he acted like you were the one in the wrong. The never-ending fights. The accusations. The way he could still compare you to Rafeâ
Your stomach twisted with disgust. Not just anger. Disgust.
How dare he? After everything, how could he act like this was just some normal breakup? Like you were just going to go crawling back? You almost lost the baby, for fuckâs sake. You spent four years suffering, and he was the first person to see that pain firsthand.
You trusted him. Youâyou loved him. And the first chance he got, he threw it back in your face like it was nothing.
Fuck him.
He had left you. He had made you wonder if he was ever coming back. And now? Now you were the bad guy? Again? Just like when you were pregnant and chose not to go through with the abortion? Just like every other time when somehow, it was always your fault?
Fuck that.
âYou never listen to me,â you snapped. âI came to you for this decision, but youââ
You tried to explain yourself. Again. Even though you shouldnât have to. You should just tell JJ to go to hell and be done with it. But here you were, still trying to make him understand.
Your voice faltered. Because you didnât hate him. You couldnât. But God, you wished you did. It would hurt a lot less if you could just hate him.
But before you could say anything else, JJ moved.
His hand caught yours, gripping it tight. Before you knew what was happening, he tugged you forward. His other arm slid around your waist, pulling you closerâ
Then he dipped down, and before you could even register what was happening, his lips crashed against yours.
For a moment, your brain blanked.
It didnât last long.
Your free hand instinctively moved to his neck, fingers tangling in his hair. You werenât thinking. Every sound in your head shut off.
JJâs hand tightened around your waist, thumbs brushing slow circles against your skin. The kiss deepened, urgent, like he was making up for every second he had spent away.
He guided you backward. You took a few steps before your lower back bumped against the kitchen counter. You barely even noticed. JJ made a quiet sound against your lips when you pulled him in closer by the nape of his neck.
His hands slid lower, fingers gripping at your hips. Your heart pounded. A warning, maybe. But you ignored it. You didnât want to think about right or wrong right now.
Because thisâthis was right. JJâs hands on you. The way your bodies fit together effortlessly. The way every movement, every kiss, felt like second nature.
Like you were made for this.
JJâs hands moved, gripping beneath your thighs. In one smooth motion, he lifted you, setting you on the counter. You gasped softly at the sudden movement, your hands flying to his shoulders.
Now you were eye level. His grip on your waist tightened, pulling you in again, and you let out a breath you hadnât realized you were holding.
You both pulled back at the same time, gasping for air. When your eyes met for just a second, something stirred inside you. JJ closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours, your uneven breaths the only sound filling the space.Â
His hands stayed on your hips. As you tilted your head up slightly, his lips brushed against yours again. Your hand instinctively reached for his cheek, but this kiss was shorter than you expected. JJ turned his head away, breaking it off, and you licked your lips absentmindedly.Â
Slowly, his hands slid away from your hips. His gaze was somewhere else as he cleared his throat, rubbing his head like he was trying to shake something off.Â
"I'm sorry. Iâ I shouldnât have done that."Â
The words hit like a punch to the gut.Â
Standing there, you felt completely exposed, like he had stripped you down to your very core. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears while your hands had turned ice cold.Â
Had that really just happened? Had you imagined it? Because once again, JJ was acting like it hadnât.Â
Was he regretting it? You hadnât done anything wrong. Right?Â
Had you crossed a line?Â
You didnât know what was happening, why he had suddenly pulled away, but there was a burning sting at the tip of your nose. This wasnât how it was supposed to go.Â
You moved to step down from the counter, his name on the tip of your tongueâbut JJ took another step back. His eyes never once met yours.Â
"I should go. Iâ I donât know what Iâm doing. I wasnât thinking. This was a mistake. Iâm sorry. Iâm really really sorry."Â
Then, without so much as a glance, he walked out of the kitchen.Â
You stayed frozen where you were. The sound of a door closing echoed through the house moments later, making you flinch.Â
He had left you again. Left you alone in this house, only this time, with even deeper wounds.Â
You had no idea what would happen nextâyou werenât a fortune teller. But what you did know was that the real question wasnât about the future. It was about how you were ever supposed to trust him again.Â
Because JJ had just erased five years of your past like they meant nothing.Â
He had been the one to protect you, and the one to hurt you. The one to kiss you, and the one to walk away.Â
And you? Where did you fit into this story? Were you always just the one left behind?Â
There had to be a reason. A justification for why he had snapped, for why he kept pushing and pulling, for all of it. But the worst part?Â
You werenât even sure if you wanted to hear it anymore.Â
Your lips trembled as you shut your eyes.Â
Five years later. Same island. Same feeling of being abandoned.Â
Only the names had changed.Â
Your mind replayed the image of Rafe walking out the door the moment he found out about Liliana.Â
You had called Rafe a coward, hadnât you? He was. But what about JJ?Â
JJ was just another coward, just as fucked-up as the rest of them. Maybe the real mistake had been trusting anyone more than yourself in the first place. Maybe thatâs what these last few days had been trying to tell you all along.Â
Pathetic.Â
You had trusted him more than you had ever trusted yourself. And for what?Â
For him to run the first chance he gotâjust like the last one.Â
Turns out, five years hadnât changed a damn thing. Five years ago, you were an idiot. And now?Â
âFor him to run the first chance he gotâjust like the last one.Â
Turns out, five years hadnât changed a damn thing. Five years ago, you were an idiot. And now?Â
Still the same damn fool.â
-AHHHHH GIRLLLL
-I NEED JJ TO JUST TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED THEM TOGETHER RN!!
-Honestly I LOVE Rafe but Iâm completely losing it over her and JJ getting together. Like he was there for everything even the little scare she had. He even got a job to help out!
-oooo if they donât end up together Iâm really gonna go down like Kermit ^^