Welcome, welcome! I'm Rowan, just your average thirty-something wolf here on Tumblr. Check out the info under the cut if you'd like to know more about me. And don't be afraid to come say hi. I promise I don't bite, but I might sniff a little.
Name: Rowan
Age: 30s
Gender: Genderqueer
Pronouns: Xe/xir preferred, but they/them is fine too
Kintypes: Canadian timber wolf, African golden wolf, coastal gryphon, kiko kawa kitsune
Kithtypes: Crow, raven, red-tailed hawk
Plurality: Still working on figuring out the details and trying to get used to both terminology and headmates, but yes, we're a small system
Interests: Lore, balladry, writing
Additional: I (the host) am a suntherian. This means I'm always somewhere in flux between kintypes and humanity. What you're going to get with me varies day to day, but I'm always some level of shifted. The others have their own weirdness going on.
I don't have much in the way of rules for this blog, aside from the commonplace and common sense.
Be respectful of both me and others. I don't expect you to agree with me or anybody else 100% of the time, but I do expect you not to be hateful about it.
This blog is not a place for homophobia, transphobia, racism, TERFS, MAPs, zetas/zoos... Basically see rule 1 on this and also don't be vile. Although I will warn you that I do not tolerate intolerance. There are opinions and then there are threats and it doesn't take a genius to figure out which one transphobia or any other sort of hate are.
This is a therian/otherkin-centered blog with a side of plurality. If you have a problem with that, please see yourself out. My fur is too grey to put up with that BS.
I don't care how your system formed. If you're a system, you're a system. I'm not going to question your understanding of yourself. I expect you to trust me to know myself and therefore I will trust you to know yourself.
I am willing to answer questions on most topics. That's how people learn and I've been around long enough in enough marginalized communities to be fine with questions. Just ask them respectfully.
If you're a minor, I don't mind you coming to this blog with questions. But please understand that I will not be willing to accept DMs from minors. I'm in my 30s. I'm happy to talk to you on the dash (which is basically the Tumblr equivalent of "in public"), though, and everyone is welcome to ask questions and reply to posts.
None of the images on this blog were photographed/drawn by me. I can words, but I cannot art. I have made no effort to remove creator's marks if present. If any of these belong to you and you'd like them taken down, please message me and I'll do that.
That's basically me. I'd love for you to come introduce yourself. Say hi, hang around a while. I would really like to meet more alterhumans!
Sometimes I see posts about therian stuff and I want to reblog them but I almost feel like I cant because despite also being kin and a creature I kinda feel like there’s this. Nuance a little that therians are “more valid” or just in general more respected than otherkin are because they’re “real” animals
To be clear, not at all a shade towards therians, yall are amazing just sometimes I worry that despite also being a beast I am not supposed to show my relatance or even interact at all
Like I worry if they see me interact they’ll be disgusted somehow? Like “ew one of those reblogged my post”
Idk probably totally irrational fear, just sometimes I worry about it because it feels like there’s a sort of divide between therian and otherkin spaces
I wouldn't call it irrational - there are therians who think this way, but I can almost guarantee you they don't socialize on tumblr much if at all. The general vibe here is cooperative. Now, if you venture off tumblr onto forums, it's good to vet them to make sure you're not venturing somewhere more strict and biased.
Polyweres and therians who are otherkind also exist here. Overlapping identities aren't unusual, so the blog run by a therian might be more understanding than you think. Theriomythics are another example! Dragons are a great example (and one I understand best, personally), since many of us straddle the line between therian and otherkind.
I straddle that line like it's a vertical three-dimensional object and I am a pole dancer. Beasts and creatures of all kinds are welcome among dragons at least, OP; we tend to Get It.
Having joined the therian community way back like a decade and a half ago, yeah, that divide was definitely very much a thing. To the extent that I found the therian community in 2007 (I'd pretty much always known I was a wolf) and in 2010 had something of an existential crisis upon realizing I'm also a gryphon. Especially since the type of gryphon I was (I'm spiritual kin, for me these come from past lives) was fully sapient on the same level as a human. Which put me more on the otherkin side of the divide with that kintype. But I was very aware that "you can only have one kintype and you definitely can't be a therian AND otherkin."
That right there? Hardcore gatekeeping. It's ridiculous. These are involuntary identities, first of all. And if you were born into a body that doesn't match your soul or brain or if you're reincarnated and have lived as other species, you sure as hell don't get to pick how many species or what combination of species.
The gatekeepers still exist. They didn't just stop existing because we aren't restricted to like the same five message boards for online space now. (That is a gross understatement of online alterhuman history, I know.) But there are accepting spaces now. Which is good. You just do still have to watch out for the gatekeepers who never updated their thinking. But from what I've seen, folks tend to be pretty okay on the whole these days.
If you've signed up for Othercon, when should the server link appear on the user control panel page? Just wondering because it's in like 3 days and I still don't see a link.
Felt okay for like an hour but I'm starting to slip back into pain and nausea. I'm being taken off a med I'm on for migraines, fibromyalgia pain, and sleep disturbance due to chronic pain because it can contribute to dizzy spells and syncopy. And I've been struggling off and on for a year now with a relapse of POTS. Unfortunately, with my array of health issues, I have to prioritize what gets treated. Anything that can cause loss of consciousness is a threat to my survival and therefore of the highest priority. Migraines won't kill me, but if I black out and hit my head or otherwise injure myself falling, that might. And in the week since I started weaning off that med, I've had a constant headache and a fuckton of breakthrough fibro pain.
Today, I had a full blown migraine. Between my other med for fibro pain, the "new" (I've been on it before) med my rheumatologist prescribed for breakthrough pain, two excedrin, and one dose of my migraine rescue med, I managed to beat it back to where I could drive to work without crashing my car. I then got sent home from work because I apparently sounded miserable and when my pharmacist asked if I was okay, I burst into tears and told her I was afraid before too much longer I wasn't going to be able to drive home because of the migraine I've had for a week. Yeeeaaah... That's a pretty surefire way to get sent home.
I took another dose of my rescue med, got horribly dizzy, napped with the kitties for a bit, woke up with a lingering but not debilitating headache and was absolutely starving and ate the only solid food I've managed all day, and then slept on and off the rest of the day. I would like to be done with this now. I've got an appointment scheduled with a migraine specialist and that cannot come fast enough, dear god. But I'm once again beginning to feel as though I might be sick, so I think it's bedtime for me. And muscle relaxer time, because I'm afraid to take anymore excedrin due to the breakthrough pain med and can't take anymore of the rescue med, so that's the only thing I can think of to do. Hopefully tomorrow is better.
We do also have a system blog. I think what's kinda killing this blog is that I tried to separate the rest of my life from it and just post therian stuff. That doesn't work. The system's blog is mostly system shit, but also chronic illness shit and a little bit of fandom shit. Also just fun or interesting shit. So yeah. If you want to follow us there, our URL is @ironwoodcollective.
We're still here! I know this is about the millionth post like this. Buuuut we tend to hyperfixate when realizing new parts of our identity. So the system thing sort of consumed us. But that's actually what's brought us back here, too. You're probably going to start hearing a lot more from Blysse, our other resident therian, who has actually now embraced that label. Her posts will be indicated with a 🔥 at the beginning. You might hear some from the fictives: Atty (💎), Alastor (🔪), Roy (🐉), and Sarow (⚔️). They vary wildly on how they view being fictives, though, and none of them identify as fictionkin. So we'll see. Blysse is currently doing a lot of exploring her identity and labels.
We've recently discovered some weird things about plurality. It's been nice having plural spaces where any one of us can talk and be like, "wtf are my headmates doing, is this normal?" and get honest answers. Not necessarily informative answers - sometimes it's stuff like "we get that too!" or "omg I have no idea but I want to know because [insert reason]" - but answers that folks actually mean. Are there shitty people in a lot of the plural spaces we've found? Yes. Yes, there are. There are shitty people virtually everywhere, though. But by and large we've found a lot more folks who just want to know they aren't the only ones dealing with weird shit and uncomfortable experiences. And that's actually been incredibly helpful, even when we don't get actually informative answers.
So question time for all y'all youngsters (probably) who know all the new terms and shit. What does IRL mean? Like in the alterhuman community. I'm not so ancient I don't know it means "in real life" (hi, yes, my generation did that with the whole chatspeak), but I am old enough that half the time I'm not in the loop on new terms. And I've run into that one a lot as I've tried to find plural spaces I feel comfortable in. I've known I'm a therian and otherkin for so long now that I've gotten complacent with labels and it all just becomes background noise - much like with the enby community - so I confess I don't pay as much attention as I probably should. But yeah, I saw that repeatedly, knew the chatspeak, but had not a clue what it has to do with alterhumans.
"Invisible disabilities" are just disabilities that abled people pretend not to see because our existence as disabled people mildly inconveniences them.
kind of agree. invisible disabilities are more disabilities that you can’t see from the outside. take asthma, ibs, fibromyalgia, autism, etc. invisible disability ≠ “disability that lets abled people ignore you”.
although, now that you bring that up, maybe it could be given a new name? maybe? because it’s not *invisible*, it’s just… how you say, “hidden” for lack of a better term.
The mention of fibromyalgia here strikes me. I have other "invisible" disabilities on that list, but that one probably affect my life in the most noticeable ways to people around me. And that's the thing: if you know me at all, you know I have this. This and POTS. Anyone who knows me or spends any time around me knows about these. I am in pain like 99.999% of the time. I can count the number of pain-free days I've had in the last 20 years on one hand. I also spend like half my life dizzy. I have times where I stand up and immediately park my butt on the floor because I know I'm going end up there anyway, it's just a matter of how far from it my head starts off. I literally have a speech I give anyone who spends a lot of time around me about how to respond when (not if) I black out when I'm with them. This includes do not touch me unless absolutely necessary, but do talk to me, because I can probably hear you.
Sure, you can't look at a picture of me and know I've got all this crap going on, but if you're around me at all, it's hard to miss. These are visible if you interact with me basically ever. But they are also definitely an inconvenience for people around me. I've been sent home from work because of my POTS and even lost a job because it made me "unreliable." (I was having a flair up and was sometimes late because it's especially bad in the morning when I first wake up and driving when I feel I might black out behind the wheel scares me. Which I felt was a pretty reasonable thing, but apparently my former employers disagreed...) These things are very noticeable when you're around me, but they're easy for abled people to dismiss as me being dramatic (I've literally been told this) because I don't "look disabled" and therefore I shouldn't expect anybody to take this stuff into account.
I find myself questioning every single wolf shift lately. Because I also get phantom limbs and wolfy impulses when Blue is near the front. I hate it. I'm a wolf, goddamnit! I love Blue and I'm glad he's here, but I just want to feel like I can be confident I'm me, you know?
So I'm probably going to be gone for a while. I'm looking at some (very positive) life changes. But that's gonna mean my digital presence in general outside of professional spaces is going to drop to virtually nil for awhile.
The number of times I have to stop myself laughing or commenting on things (in response to comments no one else will have heard) in public or like remind headmates about speech patterns... It's kind of exhausting.
I'm pretty sure now that Firekeeper has been around since I was 14. If not earlier, but definitely around that point in my life. The other two are recent, but Firekeeper as an entity actually predates my awareness of her current form by about 6 years. She's a fictive and I didn't come across the series she's from until I was about 20 or 21. Blind Seer showed up the better part of a year ago. Anthony is newer - probably within the last 6 months - but still. Firekeeper is going on 20 years old. After having reexamined some things I always thought were normal and having discussed those things with my very much a singlet bestie and my pseudo-brother who is actually not a singlet, much to my surprise, I've come to the conclusion that Firekeeper has been around a long time, she just fronts so rarely that I didn't realize what she was.
My bestie is wanting me to talk to my counselor about the dissociation. Bu that hasn't been as bad since I've stopped trying to fight these guys. I'm having far fewer memory gaps and I feel a lot more in control. Even if I don't remember something, often times I'm aware of it. I just had to quit fighting them. So I'm not completely sure I want to talk to my counselor about it. I mean, I've got time to think about it, since she canceled my appointment again. I would really love to get back on my ADHD meds, but I guess that's not happening anytime soon... Regardless, I'm not convinced that's a good idea.
On a more positive note, I have started having involuntary phantom shifts again. Which feels like a weird thing to be happy about, but it's definietly a comfort. My wolf shifts I'm still having trouble trusting because of Blind Seer. But my gryphon shifts, that's all me. I don't have another gryphon hanging out in my head, that's just me. And like before, work seems to bring the gryphon out very strongly. I think I was just so focused on everything with the headmates it drowned a lot of things out. I'm kind of regaining my sense of equilibrium and I have to say it's a huge relief.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just slowly going insane. Like... yes, okay, the wolves make sense. They're actual animals that actually, objectively exist. And nobody knows for sure what happens when we die (and aren't revived back into our current lives), so reincarnation cannot be dismissed as a possibility. But I just don't know. I mean, there's the gryphon. And my gryphon is a deeply embedded part of who I am. I've sat with this for 13 years and every time I've questioned, I've come back to the same conclusion: yes, this is me. The kitsune I almost hate to acknowledge. Both because everybody seems so quick to label existing as cultural appropriation, but also because I just don't want to deal with yet another kintype. As far as appropriation, I've lived as two different types of wolves on two different continents, I know I lived as a Karelian human at one point, I am entirely positive I was a creature from Mediterranean and Middle Eastern lore... Why is this any different? But also I just... don't want to deal with all the shit that seems to go along with each of my kintypes/theriotypes.
And now the plural crap. I don't know how many people saw the post in which I compared trying to learn to deal with the headmates to drowning in a molasses flood (yes, there is an actual historical event there) before I took it down. But I do not want this. I do not. But I don't really get to say one way or the other. And I especially don't want to deal with all the bullshit I see going on in the plural community. But I've been through a prolonged period of intense stress and seem to have come out the other side of it with extra people in my head. That sounds pretty nuts to me. But the more I look at things, the more I think Firekeeper might be much, much older. I've had somebody in my head I talk to - and who talks back - since I was a teenager. And that also started after a traumatic event that led into a several year period of intense and prolonged stress. I've been having conversations with somebody in my head since I was somewhere between 14 to 17 years old. It's a little fuzzy trying to think back that far. I should also note here that I have basically fragmented my entire life and identity and ruthlessly compartmentalize things. That stems from that same traumatic event. But I just thought the person in your head thing was normal. Apparently not.
But I feel like I'm slowly going insane. I feel like I have to be crazy. I often feel like I have wings and a tail and animal ears, sometimes my brain straight up decides I'm a magical fox, and now there are a handful of other people living in my head. I am losing my goddamn mind. There's no way I'm not.
Well, it's been a day. Worked today and we had a massive storm. We kept losing power. (Unfortunately all the shouts of "If the power goes out we get to go home!" every time the building went dark and everybody's computer died were false. This is a hospital, we don't close for shit. Think the storm's gonna get us out of work? Nah. Did you forget about the backup generator?) Anyway, massive storm. There was a good solid 30 minutes where it was raining so hard we couldn't see the building that's like 50 yards away. Storms like that always make me feel shifty. And I've been missing my phantom limbs horribly. The rain started and I felt gryphon-shaped again and oh my god was that a relief.
And then I got home and opened my closet and the ceiling had fallen in and I could see daylight and I now have to wash practically every article of clothing I own, but you know. This is fine. Everything's fine. My wings are back, I'm gonna just focus on that and not the fact that I cannot sleep in my bedroom tonight because mildew and wet leaf smell. (For some reason there were a shitton of leaves up there. I don't even know.) I'm about ready to cry over all the laundry - of course I've been crying at the drop of a hat all week, so take that with a grain of salt - but my wings and my tail are back and I missed them so fucking much.
I just want to be me. I want to have my own phantom limbs. I want to be correctly the wrong shape. XD I am coming to appreciate my headmates more with each shitty thing that goes on (I know I posted about my cousin on my system blog, but Idk if I put that here) but I miss being me sometimes. Just me. I miss my wings and all the ridiculous things I do to accommodate the size of them, I miss the urge to roll around the yard every time I go outside, I miss the wanting to just curl up in the full bathtub and sleep there. It's the stupid, inconvenient things that I miss and I think that says a lot.
