i ask that only those sixteen and older interact with my blog, for the safety and comfort of all parties involved. i do not post outright graphic nsfw but some of my posts may be a tad suggestive and i do not want people much younger than me to see that content. i semi-frequently discuss topics such as child sexual abuse (CSA), incestuous abuse, grooming, age play, murder, and misogynistic violence, among other things (many of which, like, say, murder, are to be expected if you came here for outlast trials posting). all tws for potentially triggering content apply when interacting with my account.
my talking tag is #deranged ramblings
my franco yumeship tag is #franoĂŻse, the tag for the associated oc is #aloĂŻse arnaud
my main interests (which i primarily post about) are below:
the outlast trials
repurpose (visual novel - i do not associate with its creator or their current ... "endeavors")
MOGAI coining
commentary youtube (mostly danny gonzalez + drew gooden + kurtis conner)
BYI
i have bpd and autism as well as a myriad of other mental health issues. this will greatly impact how i interact with others. if you are not nice to me, i will block you. i block quite freely. i identify as catkin and angelkin and i use a lot of xenogenders. if you consider this cringe or corny or whatever and are not open to understanding, do not interact with me or my blog in the future! this blog is meant to be a place where i can freely express myself and others can do so too, and i do not wish to get too much negativity involved.
i am strongly against the romanticization of pedophilia, incest, and other abusive topics through fiction, but i do not wish to interact with people who proudly label themselves "antis" any more so than i wish to do so with those who proudly label themselves "proshippers" or "darkshippers" or anything of the sort. i ask that people who engage in darkshipping do not interact with me.
i am a yumeshipper and i frequently post about my ships! my two main f/os are franco barbi (the outlast trials) and noel (repurpose - visual novel). "doubles" can feel free to interact, but i apologize in advance if i get weird and possessive and don't interact back. i am strange like that sometimes.
đȘ here's a cookie for reading this long-ass post o(ăâœïŒŸă)o
sometimes on the tumblr app you click on an image to see it fullscreen and it will give you a completely different image it has sourced from the fucking aether. i hope they never fix this because i got flashbanged with an image of scooby doo calling me a âraggotâ
villain character who has a last minute change of heart and sacrifices their life to defeat an even bigger bad but it entirely does not land as a redemption with the heroes. the heroes are just like "oh hell yeah two birds with one stone. thank fucking god i really didnt wanna have to deal with that guy anymore. good riddance."
superheroes try too hard to be cool these days when nobody can ever beat "his name is spider man and he dresses like a spider because he has the powers of a spider"
ive never been able to take "climb him like a tree" as a sexual innuendo seriously because i picture climbing a tree in my mind and then i picture a tall man in my mind and when i put those two things together im not seeing anything sexual. im seeing like. circus tricks.
Youâd think that once you finally get long term access to a cat and your yearning to have cat access is fulfilled that youâd become slightly less obsessed with seeing peopleâs cats but no if anything it gets worse
It implies that there's something inherently Weird about a trans woman's penis. There isn't, it's just a penis, and we'd very much like cis people to stop making such a big deal about our penises that they use a word like that.
Seriously. Just say penis. Cock. Dick. Don't treat us like our body parts are Weird because of our transness.
Gock or gjrldick or whatever other term also just kinda treats maleness as fhe default and genders the penis as being inherently male. Like the default state of a penis is male and we need to add a feminine modifer to it when talking about a woman with a penis, instead of just treating penis as a gender neutral organ that both men and women could have.
personally I'm annoyed by the socioeconomic conditions that made words like "unalive" necessary but simultaneously impressed by the linguistic adaptations young people have made to continue talking about important things while subject to those conditions and I think if you can't hold both of those thoughts in your head you might just be old man yelling at cloud
(Content warnings: discussions of incest, sexual assault, and abuse.)
Outlast as a series has never shied away from exploring sexual abuse, and the systems that permit it to keep happening. Furthermore, concepts of victimhood, perpetration, and cycles of abuse are expanded on in an admirably nuanced way. Outlast 1, and whistleblower analysed male victims of sexual violence. Meanwhile, Outlast 2 highlighted sexual abuse within religious institutions.
What does the trials choose to explore? Sure, sexual assault and sex-based violence is very prevalent within the game, but I hold the belief that trials is primarily exploring incest; both literal and metaphorical, and the power structures within it. This is shown through Easterman (both his personal family relations, and the way he engages with the reagents), and all of our prime assetsâ backstories. Without the sexual abuse all of our prime assets received from their respective family members, they would not be who they are; and it is, in my opinion, a core value of what actually makes them a suitable candidates. As for Easterman, his own victimhood is why he is so attached to Project LATHE, and why any incidents within it affect him so personally.
Itâs hard to dismiss the evidence of such abuse in characters such as Gooseberry or the Kress twins. Phyllis was sexually abused by her father, and still suffers with several mental illnesses because to it. As displayed in her prime time dialogue, and the mentions of her having sexual relations with several guards at the Holmesburg prison, Gooseberry most likely struggles with hypersexuality. Victims of long term child sexual abuse are also more likely to develop dissociative disorders, which Phylis does in-fact have too. (I personally find some parts of the fandom have an issue of dismissing this for the sake of humour, but thatâs a discussion for another time). Her alters include Mother Gooseberry, who is known to age regress to a much younger Phyllis Futterman, and an introject of her abusive father Doctor Futterman. Within his dialogue, Futterman refers to reagents multiple times as âChomosâ, a slang word to describe Child Molesters, meanwhile Gooseberry seems fixated on the concept of adults invading her spaces and harming her children in multiple ways. This establishes the idea that the threat of molestation or being incapable of preventing it happening to someone else is a trigger for her. This idea is strongly reinforced in Pervert the Futterman, where we are provided with a whole other batch of voice lines wherein which all alters display unwanted arousal and/or distress at the concept of a figure representing her father being used in a sexual way. Itâs hard to ignore the obvious storytelling presented in her dialogue and trials themselves, Gooseberry was a victim of her father.
In comparison, the Kress siblings, despite seemingly consenting to their relationship, are being abused by each other. Theyâre both metaphorically and literally dependant on each other, despite how much this bond hurts them. This is shown in their dialogue exchanges within the mall, Otto describes several features of their anatomy (her colon ending in his sinuses, her vagina visible on his neck, etc) and Arora discusses the pain she is in (her suicidality, how Otto seemingly starves her due to the effect her eating has on him, their inability to have children). Otto is criticised and insulted for his mistakes by Arora, and based on their framing in both the comic- and him referring to her as âsisterâ compared to her calling him âloverâ within their introductory trailer, itâs safe to assume she is the one who most likely instigated their sexual relationship. Otto, on the other hand, holds much more control over Aroraâs life as both the man of the relationship, the one with an entire body, and the one capable of easily accessing her genitals at any time. Others have mentioned feeling sympathetic for the two of them, often citing their conjoinment as a reason why they had no other choice but to date. However, part of the horror of their characters is how they explore the facist concept of incest as a way to ensure the âpurityâ of a bloodline (often found within the upper class). Their codependency was inevitable, but the presence of sex workers within the comics, and their prime time dialogue referring to âboy whoresâ and the consideration of Gooseberry as a sexual partner (albeit drugged) does prove that both parties are capable of engaging in sexual activity without the other being directly involved. Their relationship developed from their mindset, and I am strongly inclined to believe it still would have occurred if they were separate people.
Francoâs abuse comes from his step-mother. Despite a lack of blood relation, as found in our previous primes, Angelina Barbi is still considered part of the family unit when their relationship commences. We donât learn details surrounding his age nor how this was initiated, however we can assume he was most likely in at least some form of early adulthood for this era- as an underage Franco would be very unlikely to be sent to Miami as punishment. Salvatore expected his son to run the business whilst away, and a man smart enough to be an asset to the CIA would have more than enough sense to not place such responsibility on a teenager or child. Unlike Gooseberry, wherein which her sexual abuse occurred in her childhood and began the chain reaction of other issues, Francoâs seemingly served as the crescendo of his psychological issues. A dead mother, and lack of consistent maternal figure through his childhood, and an abusive father likely meant Franco desired emotional connection with a parental figure. Combine this with his impotency issues, and it places him in a very vulnerable position when his father introduces Angelina. I believe there is most likely a lot of nuance not presented to us about their relationship, but due to Francoâs Oedipal complex and sexual fixation on the inherently motherly gesture of breastfeeding, to ignore the incestous layers would be to neglect vital parts of his character and backstory.
Liliya, is our most complicated case, with her abuse (as detailed in the documents âthe Feral Girlâ and âthe Orphanâ) including imprisonment, being blindfolded in the presence of her mother, and being forced to be breastfed until her discovery by the police around the age of 11. Studies on breastfeeding a child past the appropriate age to do so show that this behaviour is strongly linked towards pathological mother and child relationships. Furthermore, the choice to blindfold Liliya during her feedings feels like an attempt to disconnect the act breastfeeding from a maternal figure, severing the familial bond. Weâre not certain of Liliyaâs motherâs motives for raising her child in this way, nor what her end goal was, but I believe by looking at this dynamic from a factual standpoint (and the previous thematic establishment of breastfeeding as a sexual act, as found in Franco Barbiâs characterisation), I can label this as an incestous dynamic.
Leland Coyle currently has little to rely on to explore his upbringing, other than a few voice lines within the files, and a mention of sexual assault within his childhood. The comic, in itâs current form, does not choose to expand upon that, however it is incredibly rare that a child would be the perpetrator of sexual assault without previously being a victim of such too. Our limited dialogue within the files paint a rather unfavourable picture of his family life too (note; I am aware Coyle is an unreliable narrator, but with little to no other details about his upbringing I have to use this, and simply take it with a grain of salt). His father is an army veteran, seemingly affected by his experiences and now lacking the ability to care for others. His mother, on the other hand, seems overly-attentive, overly paranoid- and most likely projected a lot of that mindset onto her son. Iâm of the opinion, due to both a lack of other potential candidates, and a prevalent theme of especially mothers as abusers within trials, that Coyleâs sexual abuse came at the hands of his mother. He detests Goosberry due to her âhystericalâ behaviour, yet goes onto express how he finds her incredibly arousing too- he describes his mother as equally emotionally unstable. Itâs âMomma Coyleâ that didnât raise a sissy, not his father. He has an electro-stimulation kink, yet in datamined dialogue he describes how his mother forced him into the bathtub as a child despite his anxiety around being electrocuted in it. Any other anecdote couldâve been chosen for this, this is an intentional connection between current sexual pleasures, and past parental trauma. Pain combined with a story, a psychological complex.
In the document âLatent Agency Designâ (parts 1-3) Easterman discusses psychological complexes with Scarfiotti, and uses an anecdote about mothers. He describes a beautiful, voluptuous, busty mother, with her blouse one buttoned down and sweat-damp strands of hair plastered to her brow on a warm day. She burns you with cigarettes and tells you how she loves you, but the doughnuts make you fat. And in doing so he introduces us and Scarfiotti to the concept of what he calls âthe extreme contradictory tabooâ. The intensity in which Easterman describes this hypothetical example leads me to believe this is a real annecdote of his. Ms. Easterman considered Hendrick as her golden child, and yet subjected him to multiple forms of abuse- her burning cigarettes on him doesnât seem too far out of the picture. Furthermore, his treatment of gooseberry, the mother figure present within the trials, is a drastic contrast to Coyle- our father figure, and Franco (whom I believe Easterman sees a lot of himself in). Gooseberryâs trauma is thrown back at her repeatedly, and Easterman describes both her and concepts of motherhood with such disgust and vitriol. Thereâs a connection between motherhood, and chaos, contradictions. âMothers are poison, toxic swamps in which families suffer and drownâ, or âno love is as pure of as selfish as a motherâsâ, or even âmy mother used to wrap a towel around my head and say you would have make such a pretty girl.â He even refers to Amelia as the âarchetype of a young motherâ during one of his many rants, projects so much of his insecurities and anger onto her, and chooses to express that anger in the outlet of putting a cigarette out on her comatose body. He loves her, but the doughnuts are making her fat.
Easterman hates his mother, yet loves her. He canât shake the abuse she put him through and now seeks to play out the âextreme contradictory tabooâ once more. Nothing fulfils that concept better than incest. Thatâs why our primes were picked. Thatâs why he pushes the familial archetypes, whilst our prime assets continue to form sexual tension between themselves. But where does that leave our reagent? Easterman has metaphorically continued the cycle, appointing himself as our father, and friend and lover all at the same time, roping us into this abusive dynamic too. Seeing our Reagents latch onto Amelia, the young mother, instead of him feels personal. He has a fixation on Franco and Liliya due to their own mother-wounds, and neglects the twins outside of practicality. Coyle is seemingly exempt from being included in this fixation, as Easterman has had him placed into the father role instead- a role Easterman doesnât care about outside of how it represents authority and punishment. The family archetypes exist so he can subconsciously place himself into it too, and relive his upbringing, with the exemption being that he is now in control. And ultimately, thatâs what incest is; an abuse of power, and an abuse of responsibility.
Your initial thought in response to something is how you were conditioned. Your second thought is what you've LEARNED. Your third thought is what you believe.
This is actually such a crucial piece of life advice for those with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, trauma, or anything similar that makes them feel like they're a bad person at their core no matter what they wish they were or want to be.
(fandom with more sympathy for a character that shows up, grooms a teenager then dies than like. gooseberry, arora, amelia, and other abused women in this game. now im not saying its bc angelina is white and conventionally attractive but)
