because i feel like i’ve been running in circles
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@rustyrollerskates-blog
because i feel like i’ve been running in circles
i don’t feel okay
gago same
panibagong yugto, pag-asa.
katahimikan, kapayapaan, liwanag sa gabing paparating.
Kunware
Natawa ako sa sarili ko, napakatibay kong sinabi nang walang halong pagdadalawang isip, ‘wala lang iyon, kaya ko ‘to’.
aba’t tignan mo napakalungkot na habang nagsusulat ako ng takdang aralin ko kumirot ang aking dibdib at napabulong nalang ako sa sarili ko, ‘naglolokohan lang tayo.’
Minsan, maganda kapag nakakaya mo nang aminin sa sarili mo na masakit, kelangan mo umiyak, mahirap kimkimin, at na para sa sarili mo din dahil babalutin ka lang ng dilim kung itatago mo lang.
Hindi na bago
Bakit nga ba tayo nahuhumaling sa fairytale? Alam naman natin ang realidad sa isang pelikula o libro na halos madaming pasakit na katapusan o ‘di kaya puro mga labing nakangiti at mga tawa ang makikita sa dulo.
Ngunit, kahit ganoon, minsan, hindi natin mapigilan ang ating sarili na kahit sa isang sandali, na maghangad ng mas higit dahil sa sobrang sakit at kinakailangan mo lang ng isang hintuan para maranasan ang liwanag na ipinagkait sa’yo ng mundo.
Kasabihan
Sabi ng mga matatanda, pag nawawala ka baliktarin mo daw yung damit mo.
Isang araw palang ang lumipas simula nang tapusin mo ang lahat. Ngunit pakiramdam ko isang linggo na ang nakaraan. Ang oras ay sobrang bagal. Para bang ako ay mabibingi sa katahimikan at tila ang tibok ng puso ko lamang ang nagiingay. Nasaan na ba ako? Kelan ako napadpad dito? Gusto ko bumalik sa dati. Ngunit kahit anong pilit alam kong hindi na kaya pang ibalik.
Oo nawawala ako. Pero bakit ganon, parang gusto kong ganito nalang. Baka ayoko din magpahanap.
rusty thoughts #4
[makalawang na ideya #4]
he showed me the universe,
but i led him to a blackhole.
—stay.away.from.me
“I’m only causing damage to every people I meet.”
—1:01AM
rusty thoughts #3
[makalawang na ideya #3]
have you ever hid in the bathroom and had mental breakdowns?
cried silently,
so hard & stiff.
for having so little time
doing everything;
your role as a daughter/son
as a student
as a person in the society
and how home doesn’t even
feel like home anymore.
all emotions slaps you hard
it won’t let you get up,
it slowly eats you.
until you stop.
you suddenly stopped crying
you don’t know why
because you’re already dead inside.
you start feeling numb and empty
and that is just so wrong.
you don’t deserve that.
you deserve the best.
you’re absolutely the fucking best.
you shine wonderfully love don’t be blind i can see it;
open your eyes,
praise yourself.
give yourself some slack.
so hold the fuck on.
take a step backward, accept that it’s hard and you need to take a rest.
then move on
take a leap forward, but don’t give up.
all this will be worth it,
just put your seat belt on.
December 9
(2017)
my eyes flicked open,
in my dreams I saw you smile.
your ghost still lingers from this little room
and I cried.
I cried because you’re gone
and it was my fault you got drowned.
with the things that I made,
that got everything complicated.
leaving you in between,
of wars in my heart that I created.
this feeling of missing you,
is not what I’m expecting.
I pushed you too far
from something I’ve been regretting.
my love, for you, will always be here
but then I thought,
maybe this is the ending.
[I showed him this when we were back on track, the path was sturdy always because of me—losing myself on the way yet he always adjusted for me how romantically cruel to not think of himself. Huge heart he has, yes.]
Keanu Reeves photographed by Karen Bystedt, 1989.
i love turning my vids to gifs 😩 i hope y’all have a great day!
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it’s painful, isn’t it?
to move,
to breathe,
to exist.
—stay.strong.please
i need an answer
am i dancing on ur feet?
is it making u uncomfortable
i can stop—
i really can.
just, tell me.
because ur response is also
making me confused
that’s why i don’t want to stop
so,
i don’t.