🌻🌞

[depsidase]

[andhumanslovedstories]

Alcohol is crazy. One small cocktail enters your body and fifteen minutes later, it has transmogrifie into like a gallon of piss

[andhumanslovedstories]

That is the drunkest way I could have spelled that

[mosaic-briar]

Applied for a job

They messaged me back "no but thank you. We will hold onto this just in case."

Okay...I will live in your back pocket. Good enough for your back pocket but not to live in your wallet I see. I see.

[stuckinapril]

I’ve been thinking a lot ab this

[lizmitches]

you can be peeling a boiled egg and think to yourself wow. that was so simple. and then you peel another one and it’s like being in the throes of war. shell everywhere. egg mangled. tears in your eyes. that’s how god keeps you humble

[narwa]

[t00thpasteface]

the stingrays at the touch tank just now were acting pretty cautious around the people reaching in, getting really close but staying juuuust too far for anyone to touch, and this ten year old boy in a fnaf tshirt told me, exasperated, "the stingrays are ragebaiting us!!"

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[booksandchainmail]

is there anything as good as lying in a sunbeam

[gobusto]

telling the truth in a sunbeam #honesty

[computationalcalculator]

[i-am-a-fish]

after much deliberation I have completed a simple task that took less than 10 minutes, and I'm happy to report that this time it only cost me about 3 days of dread

[sea--burn]

Friend: dude could I have some of your fries

Me: ( assenting hand gesture, managmaniously): until you are satisfied

[robotpoppa]

it’s-friday.avi

[kathereal]

Quality blog content right here folks

[chillyfeetsteak]

a few doors down from me my neighbors have a squirrel bar nailed to the tree in front of the sidewalk, not exactly this but something like this:

it's been there for years and they never "stock" it so it's just sitting there. anyway, i thought it would be cute to make a little squirrel out of sculpey and leave it on one of the stools in the middle of the night. i also made a little sculpey beer bottle with its own label.

it lasted exactly one day and now it is gone. it didn't fall off, i stuck it on with tape. what do you think happened to it? your most fantastical and wrong answers only, please

[chillyfeetsteak]

HUGE NEWS HUGE UPDATE

squirrel REAPPEARED today... NOW PAINTED

[chillyfeetsteak]

i wanted to provide another update because there has been more activity at the nut bar

a few weeks ago i sculpted a new patron:

and put him in the bar. the next day he was gone. a couple weeks later he reappeared painted... but with ANOTHER new guest: a 3D printed squirrel based on the first one i sculpted (with a bottle!)

:)

[spontaneousellipsis]

I knew you two would end up together.

LOVE NEXT DOOR | S1E12 “Puppy Love”

[gaynfl-moved]

what's your "if I won the lottery I wouldn't tell anyone but there would be signs" thing? mine is getting a fully green kitchen

[gaynfl-moved]

[asteriavinifera]

Do you wanna go watch the sunlight pierce the leaves of the forest with me?

[byjove]

if you adopt two dogs who are littermates, they will team up on you to undermine your authority. if you adopt two cats that are littermates, they will constantly try to narc on each other to you

[valentinetheeviljester]

Maybe lean out

[valentinetheeviljester]