What's everyone's favourite flowers that aren't like. The normal ones. Like everyone's a fan of roses and sunflowers what's a more niche one. One you don't get in gift sets. Mine's sweet peas
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@samirant
What's everyone's favourite flowers that aren't like. The normal ones. Like everyone's a fan of roses and sunflowers what's a more niche one. One you don't get in gift sets. Mine's sweet peas
me after I eliminated 21,042 people
Chihuahuas Georg
Luis Camnitzer - The Photograph (1981)
The Screenshot (2014)
The Reblog (2014)
Bahahahaha love this
The Unnecessary Comment (2014)
The Revival (2026)
Rocky: we built our spaceship by unifying every mind on the planet to create a super hive mind, pooling out collective knowledge and problem solving skills to come up with a plan.
Grace: we gave the scariest woman I've ever met two coffees every morning, an unlimited budget, and enough legal immunity to cuss out any world leaders she wanted to and boy did she want to.
“The employees need a larger salary” “hmmmm large celery”
2/?
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raise your hand if you'd like to see Whiskey go absolutely feral in check, please! year five
After they're out, Shane and Ilya record a lifestyle video together for ESPN. ESPN is chomping at the bit: no one can imagine Racecar Rozanov and Hockey IQ Hollander's life behind closed doors, and they want the exclusive.
The crew shows up totally unsure of what to expect, charmed but surprised when it's Ilya opening the door in a tank and sweats and dramatically sighing, "Is meal prep day."
They spend hours filming the couple navigating the kitchen, arguing over how much salt to put in their egg cups, talking about how they learned to cook together when they first made a real go of their relationship.
Shane keeps his hands busy and his eyes focused on his prep work, and that makes it easier to talk about the murky grey area between healthy food choices and disordered eating. Ilya just rubs his back and mocks how he's dicing the bell peppers and keeps calling what he's wearing his "unlucky sweatpants" until Shane hits him in the face with a spatula while mumbling something about tuna melts.
Surprising exactly no one, the video goes viral when it drops on YouTube. It explodes on socials, with thousands of people stitching together Ilya saying "is meal prep day" with videos of their own meal prep, their healthy habits, sharing their own journey to loving food and treating it as fuel and not punishment. They use the tag #eatlikehollanov and it trends immediately.
Ilya's favorite part is when fans start to battle over #eatlikehollanov - the food posts get overtaken with videos and photos of them out at social events, serving cunt and generally looking like top designers battle it out for who gets repped by The Gay Wonder Twins of Hockey (which they do, and stop calling us that, we're married you perverts).
Then Shane and Ilya are spotted at a bar making out in a dark corner and everyone remembers these two probably spend 30% of their waking hours eating each other alive, and suddenly it's #eatlikehollanov munch munch munch yum yum yum.
The Centaurs jump on the trend, sharing their own food prep videos with increasing innuendo. Luca Haas turning bright red while eating a glazed donut gets 3 million views, but Troy really breaks the internet by eating a banana while maintaining eye contact with the camera the whole time. Harris threatens to replace the Kiss Cam at games with #eatlikehollanov and Shane tries his hardest to crawl into a corner and die because he just wanted to share how he protein loads, you guys, why did you have to make it so weird.
Scott Hunter helps not at all by making blueberry and banana smoothies with Kip. Shirtless.
laughing about the idea of rose giving shane a weighted blanket as a gift and it soon becoming ilya's Number One Enemy in their house
at first it was just because it was a gift from rose, but now??? shane is cuddling up under The Mistress? ("ilya, it is a fucking blanket-") shane does not need to ask ilya to lay on top of him because he would rather be beneath The Mistress? ("ilya, for FUCK'S sake, you weren't even home-") maybe shane doesn't even need him anymore. maybe The Mistress can learn to suck his co- ("i'm going to bed. you can join me or you can keep glaring at a FUCKING BLANKET")
i feel like rose probably went for the heaviest option available, so like a 40 pounder, so it does have some good heft to it
and i'm cackling about this arrangement being referred to as a threesome as a joke, which is all well and good until someone is reading over ilya's shoulder one day and sees shane send the message, "today has fucking sucked. can we have a threesome when you get home, please?" and is just ???? hello???? what?? the fuck??? are y'all just out here casually having threesomes on a tuesday??? that hollander asks for wiTH A PLEASE??? WHO IS INVOLVED ONTHIS THREESOME FOR IT TO BE HAPPENING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE????
not helping this is that ilya responds with, "yes of course ♥️. do you think your mistress can take care of you in the meantime? just this once she can have you to herself."
and what he's doing is just teasing shane to lighten the mood, but person at the coffee shop behind him in line is just
this escalates to the point that shane really has no other option than to post some kind of statement about it being an inside joke, and ilya of course has to be a little shit about it and post a response on twitter or whatever about, "oh, you will not tell them you are snuggling with your mistress right now, hollander? you will break my heart but not admit it to the world?" and so shane posts another picture that's just a pov from his place on the couch with the weighted blanket over his legs and ilya on the other end grinning SO WIDE because he's SO pleased with himself. and the caption is something like "pictured: my "mistress" and my soon-to-be-ex-husband." and ilya thinks it's SO fucking funny because yes! vindication! let the world pity him (even if playfully).
and this then backfires on him SO FAST.
now weighted blanket brands are sending shane pr trying to get him to mention them/show them off in a picture, and ilya is now fucking SURROUNDED by mistresses all competing for his husband's attention. BULLSHIT. HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED.
weighted blanket eleven comes in the mail and ilya goes live on instagram just FURIOUS. the frame is him in front of a PILE of weighted blankets and he is just
"enough! enough of this! are too many in our house. is like being fucking-shane, what is word? people in utah, they have many wives?"
shane in the background, not fully paying attention: "mormons?"
"those! we are not mormons! household is FULL. marriage is FULL. stop this! every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house."
"every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house" goes viral as a sound for people surrounded by clutter/pets/etc.
shane receives five more weighted blankets.
Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.
Might I add:
The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed
The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child
The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship
The adventures of a space roomba
Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)
I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head
hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):
The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)
The Monster of Sentan
The Witch’s Cat
Raise Both Children
Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)
Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)
My Arch Nemesis Cynthia
Pirates and Mermaid
Eindred and the Witch
The Demon King
The Cornerwitch
Grandmother Beetroot
Apocalypse Daycare Worker
Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon
New Year Saga
A Story About Changelings
Ranger in the King’s Forest
The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit
Goblin Men (Canines)
I am in love with you /p
Adding Faceblind Prince Charming and Cinderella
21. The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship
22. The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed
adding the Doctors Without Borders one
I LOVE tumblr storytime, so here’s a bunch more your weekend reading. Enjoy!
24. The Queen with Three Cursed Children
25. Tiny Dragon with one coin hoard
26. Haunted house
27. Shark hero was about to go rogue
28. Grandma lives in the woods comic
29. A Different Aftermath comic
30. Battery (microstory but I love it so much)
31. It’s A Date comic
32. Supervillian kidnaps rival’s kid and they want to stay
33. Narrative Town
34. I have been hired to clean the wizard tower comic
35. Robot Apocalypse
36. The Statues That Do Not Weather
37. Kushiel
38. Tooth Fairy
39. Alien abduction
40. Felonious wish-granting
41. When humans met actual space orcs
42. Space cousins
WAIT REBLOG THIS VERSION INSTEAD
“Ghosts are real” I can see how you could believe that
“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that
“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story
“Ghosts aren’t real yet” the fuck are you going to do
The fucking. Polynesians knew
ABOUT BOTH THINGS
OKAY SIT DOWN SHUT UP, WE’RE GONNA TALK COLORS
THIS IS SAPPHIRE
THIS IS TEAL
THIS IS PERIWINKLE
THIS IS AZURE
AND THIS IS TURQUOISE
WONDER WHY THOSE ALL DON’T LOOK LIKE THE SAME COLOR? BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT
OTHER THAN BEING PART OF THE SAME FAMILY OF BLUES, THEY ARE NOT ALL THE SAME FUCKING COLOR! WHY WOULD THEY ALL BE THE SAME FUCKING COLOR! DO YOU THINK WE JUST NAME NEW COLORS FOR KICKS!?!?!?
WHEN DESCRIBING A CHARACTER’S GOD FORSAKEN EYE COLOR, PICK ONE YA GODDAMN HIPPIE
As someone who is colourblind this post is fucking hilarious because they are in fact all the same fucking colour
things heating up in the fuckin uuhhhhhhhhh BLUE fandom
So uh….. fun fact about turquoise
They come in varying degrees of blue and green.
THIS IS TUMBLR
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
I just remembered that this was a thing that was HILARIOUS in 2006 and apparently that was ten years ago now.
Old people: join with me in remembering how funny we found this on LiveJournal.
Young people: look at this lolrus, it’s so happy, it has a bucket.
And then they stealed away the bucket and we realised we had fucked up a perfectly good elephant seal and given it anxiety.
listen this vintage meme is high quality and i will hear nothing said against it
20 years. I am not happy about this.
Apparently Monorail Cat will also be 20 this year! :o
*gently takes your face in my hands* hey. remember that fandom is for fun. if you're not having fun it is ok to step back. if you're intentionally making it unfun for others it is ok to step back. none of this is real. go sit in the sun and smell a flower. i love you.
My boss was like “Do you have any idea how much money we’re losing” like who cares, it’s not like they would give it to me otherwise
Have our investors tried making coffee at home and not eating out so much?