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Today's Document
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@sanctummanta
this is how new yorkers @ mamdani
ocd will have me thinking i cant text "here now if you wanna head over" because i sound like blowjob mario with a walkie talkie
nobody thinks this way, you are a broken person
basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*
just saw a deactivated mutual's post on my dash. that's my dead wife's corpse you're all dragging around
I also reblog this guys dead wife.
i suggest using that powerful tool
im glad we're in the internet backwaters i think if dove chocolate or something replied to my post i would just keep reporting them for terorism again and again and again
i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic
rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich
I upset a few people in my intro to western philosophy class with this one.
Suddenly I am thinking about that article written by Brennan Lee Mulligan about being witness to extremely hyper-wealthy people believing they were going to live forever.
Not if the rest of us have anything to say about it, said the guy with words on his bullets to the heart of a health insurance CEO.
If you had guessed there would be a fortuneteller at this party you would have been dead wrong. Because there were two fortunetellers at thi
The old men were by far the most diverse bunch. Old billionaires wear whatever the fuck they want. One man wore a maroon, velvet, three-piece suit and a paisley cravat, and he must have been sweating in it, but I couldnāt tell because he had doused himself in a cologne that Iām going to call āA Million, Billion Different Kinds Of Fruit, by Calvin Klein.ā There were two shaven-headed men of Caucasian descent, wearing black hakama robes and some kind of pendants. They had white socks and sandals, and from the way people were bowing to them, Iām guessing they were some kind of religious officials, but I canāt be quite sure. Whatever faith they practiced, it wasnāt Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Bahaāi, Taoism, Shinto, Confucianism, Voodoo, Wicca or the Dreamtime Faith of the Aboriginal Shamans. If I had to guess, I would say they were either members of the Illuminati, or we are living in the Matrix and they are priests from the remaining human city in the real, outer world.
I donāt know what religion they were from. Do we get why thatās scary? Aside from the fact that a vast chunk of my education centered on world religions and mythology, religions really want you to know about them. Thatās their whole business model. They tell you why things are the way they are and then you give them money. So the fact that thereās a religion that Iām too poor to know about is deeply troubling.
These rich old billionaires were the kindest, sweetest old gents. In conversations I overheard more than once, a man worth more than my entire extended family (which is Irish and therefore vast and mighty) talked about another man at the party as ājust being the sweetest soul,ā or referred to a cupcake at a certain cafĆ© as āsinfully seductive.ā And I realized, these men may have been cutthroat sharks before, or they may have inherited their fortunes, but none of that matters now. They won. They won life. They are lions that, having killed enough gladiators, are now left gloriously alive to become old and toothless. The host of the party had an entire wall covered in plaques and trophies. I read most of them, and still couldnāt tell you what he did for a living. Because whatever he had done, he certainly didnāt need to do it anymore. His accomplishments referenced his humanitarianism, his civic heroism and his contributions to culture and civilization. So whether or not this man had worked at Bain Capital gutting companies in the American Heartland didnāt matter, because he had rescued a bunch of Tibetan art and now he was kissing other billionaires on both cheeks and saying, āTom, Iām in love with you!ā because who gives a fuck, Iām rich!
I watched these crazy old holiday wizards and their jeweled scarab wives, their Oxford sons and Cambridge daughters, and thought to myself, āThis is the most fun Iāve ever seen anyone have. Louis the XVI would've shit a brick if he'd ever thrown a party this good. This is⦠so great. This is⦠completely fucked.ā
I began to notice that people were looking at me funny. For a moment I became scared that they realized I was poor. Perhaps I had used the wrong fork, or a moth had flown in lazy spirals out of my wallet, or my toes had popped out of the holes in my shoes. But then I realized it was my expression that was drawing looks. I looked flabbergasted and astounded. And they didnāt.
Thatās when I realized it. These motherfuckers werenāt going to the best party of their lives. They werenāt even necessarily going to the best party of their week. Who knows? Maybe one of these plutocrats was sneering at the lack of a third fortuneteller. āNo augur divining mysteries from the movement of birds? No oracle breathing poison and screaming prophesies? You call this a Christmas Party!ā
Well fuck that!
_
If you had guessed there would be a fortuneteller at this party you would have been dead wrong. Because there were two fortunetellers at thi
Link seems to be broken so here it is on archive.org
i could not eat a dozen fried eggs and would never want to do so. but i almost certainly could accidentally eat a dozen deviled eggs if i was at a party or perhaps a picnic and they were there. they are a highly dangerous food item in this way
The devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he doesn't exist. His second greatest trick was that egg thing hoo boy those are good
(via hornedchick)
Kurt Vonnegut wrote: āWhen I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig. I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of āgetting to know youā questions you ask young people: Do you play sports? Whatās your favorite subject? And I told him, no I donāt play any sports. I do theater, Iām in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes.
And he went WOW. Thatās amazing! And I said, āOh no, but Iām not any good at ANY of them.ā
And he said something then that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before: āI donāt think being good at things is the point of doing them. I think youāve got all these wonderful experiences with different skills, and that all teaches you things and makes you an interesting person, no matter how well you do them.ā
And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadnāt been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of Talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could āWinā at them.
This is very good advice, but also I feel compelled to point out that Kurt Vonnegut did not, in fact, write this. Tumblr user @three--rings wrote it, on a reblog of a post about Vonnegut.
I can only assume that whoever first attributed this to Vonnegut misread the aforementioned post and believes, to this day, that Vonnegut paused in the middle of a letter to draw a tumblr post separator and the two words "three--rings" for no apparent reason before continuing on with the letter.
insane some people don't use ad blockers? babe why r u rawdogging the internet
it's a CESSPIT out there. wrap it before ya tap it babes!!!
the notes are insane
"im on mobile" adblocking exists for mobile
"im broke :(" ADBLOCKING IS FREE
"im lazy" i truly sympathize with executive dysfunction, but this is one of those quality-of-life things you need to prioritize. 3 minutes of research/installation will save you a thousandfold in time and energy. it can even help with brain fog (most people don't realize how much mental energy ads actually steal)
"i like ads" my jaw is on the fucking floor. you chose to live in a sewer, yet you will never be a ninja nor a turtle. you do not have a warrior's heart.
"adblock exists for mobile"
"Adblock is free"
That doesn't sound real but okay.
*inhaling deeply and reminding myself that Shaking The Baby only endangers the baby, and does not assist it to learn or grow* in spite of everything there are beautiful and important truths within this world that you must learn, and i must help you to learn
Adblock DNS is easy to install! Works for all phones! It works on most ads, but not video or tumblr.
Settings ā Network ā Private DNS, paste in dns.adguard.com
ā¬ļøā¬ļøā¬ļø Can confirm, I use this method (alongside others) on android. for iOS the steps are different (and it may be easier to install the AdGuard DNS app instead)
the above will decrease the amount of ads you see system-wide. however: hands down the BEST ANDROID ADBLOCKING feature is the ability to install Firefox with uBlock Origin enabled.
Install Firefox -> Settings -> Extensions -> uBlock Origin
this only blocks browser ads, but HOLY SHIT does that matter if you try browsing websites over apps when possible. which you should bc it's awesome and gives you SO much more control. E.g. blocks youtube.com ads and you can play videos in the background. I have never consensually opened the youtube app in my life
Pro tip: toggle on 'Desktop site' to avoid mobile sites that are purposely designed with fewer features (to bully you into using the app).
Note: for iOS users this isn't possible bc Apple hates your guts, but there are other browser options with built-in adblocking.
āHaha remember when murder-hornets were gonna be a thing? What a nothingburger.ā
Yes, because the Washington state government activated like a sleeper-cell and ruthlessly, systematically hunted them down and annihilated them.
āY2K came to nothing amirite?ā
Yes because an army of software engineers working around the clock, losing sleep, and busting ass till the last minute prevented it from happening.
āRemember the hole in the ozone layer?ā
You mean the one that was fixed through rigorous world wide government action?
One of the root problems of our society is a refusal or inability by media to articulate that all those āitās gonna be an apocalypseā disasters were not disasters because we collectively did something about them.
The good news is this is actually quite correctable. I maintain my firm belief that we as humans are capable of solving almost all of our problems, when we decide to do so.
And I still think thatās going to happen. I donāt know when or how, but I do know that abandoning hope wonāt help bring it about.
And I refuse to let the cynics own a chunk of my heart.
Happy Smallpox Eradication Day
don't go on indeed dot com at 2am they start showing you the job listings for gnomes and talking squirrels