these are all the people i’ve been coming up with
guy who lives in constant excited anticipation of a hunk of meat falling out of the sky for no reason that he could then eat
guy with an extremely gay posh british accent who struts around his apartment doing weird squats & calisthenics while he phones his local mcdonalds to intersperse his speech with weird moans & yelps as he asks them to make various preparations for his arrival later that day, which the employees actually do but he never shows up
guy who orders a new tv & constantly asks the people installing it difficult to quantify questions like “Hey, man, this thing got high specs, right?” … “Yeah, but how’s the image?” … “Can it show me what I wanna see?”
guy who produces an in vitro fertilization documentary promotional poster leak copyright prosecution trial footage analysis compilation
guy who tirelessly roams the ashen dunes of the dead Earth, with seemingly infinite time on his hands the sky never changes, always full of dense, black clouds sometimes it seems to blend with the horizon, indistinguishable shades of grey, & he feels like he’s gone blind he finds himself walking through endless fields where he can’t make anything out of the grey haze, receiving no visual information, accompanied only by the sound of the blowing wind & the crunch & hiss of ash & debris under his feet, both of which he’s long since gone numb to sometimes he can focus on the dust blowing around him, & sometimes he sees things in it, hallucinations, sometimes vivid, born out of his sensory deprivation sometimes he see half-remembered fragments of things he can barely recall, things which scream to him as representative of how the world is supposed to be instead of this these fleeting glimpses are his only source of comfort months pass like minutes as he treks across countries, exploring every inch of ruined city after ruined city, countless, invading the privacy of people long dead, poring over empty & decaying homes, offices, factories, hospitals, reading surviving tax sheets, books diaries, pamphlets, business cards, manuals, of digital cameras or heavy-duty industrial gantries or pottery kilns he swipes his hand across the adjacent spines of a collection of dvds, leaving a trail in the thick dust so that he can see what the residents of so many indistinguishable homes once watched he coughs, rubs his hands together, the sound of his dry, leathery skin rubbing, to remove the buildup of dust, gathering in the dry, peeling creases of his palms he wanders through darkened buildings of all kinds of architectural styles, gutted mansions, sturdy concrete huts, industrial facilities, military outposts exploring caves, mountains, gorges, & dead, blackened forests which resemble giant beds of nails blanketing the landscape he doesn’t know why this is happening, or what happened, or why he survived, or why he keeps living on & on, with no need for physical sustenance sometimes he thinks about taking his own life he’s had so many years to process the interminable sadness & loneliness & grief, of being left here after whatever has happened to the world he wishes he could remember but now his life has simply been like this for as long as he can remember he wishes he could at least understand he’s come so close to ending it all, so many times, but he doesn’t think he could ever go through with it despite how bleak & grey it all is, there’s so much left behind for him to see, & so much time & freedom for it he is the last vestige of humanity, possibly even the last vestige of intelligent life, of sentience he has to keep existing, just for the sake of existing, so that there is even anything for everything to exist to he has to see, to know, if anything will ever, ever happen, in a day or a month or a century so he keeps walking, & walking, & walking in search of a bitch to fuck!!!
guy who works the desk at a phone repair store but when anyone approaches he just yells “DIE!!!” & throws a tomahawk into their head
guy who witnesses a physically impossible event & says “egad!”
guy who just kidnaps jesus after he returns & there are headlines saying “jesus kidnapped”
guy who only drinks smartwater & if you bring him a glass of tap he will slap it out of your hand
guy who spends six years gradually going insane as he obsessively tries to filter & eq a four-minute block of white noise millisecond by millisecond into being africa by toto, coming home every day & sitting down at his computer muttering “gotta make toto, gotta make toto”
guy who desperately wants to patent a new & improved kind of spot-the-difference book & sinks tens of millions of dollars of venture capital into trying to engineer a way to make them immune to people just crossing their eyes but he fails & goes into inescapable debt
calvinist work ethic guy who works in an amazon warehouse & agrees that the conditions there are extremely bad for no good reason but profusely thanks amazon for artificially creating very strenuous work days that keep his soul pure
guy who kills hundreds by crunching a whole watermelon in his mouth at a beach party & spitting the seeds like a machine gun
girl who likes to eat sheep stomach stuffed with deep fried blueberries, minced bread, & candied croutons, with sides of kidneywurst, kidney bean taffy, gravy meringue & freeze dried shark tongue with starfish burger, plus bubbletoast lined with oyster jelly reduction, paired with vulture pudding & cured incense. following this up with a small repast of pickled hog heart & breaded wolverine with a side of elephant femur gumbo garnished with aerosolized snail oil
guy who won’t stop linking trinities of things. guy who asks you out of North America, Central America, & South America which one is the Father, the Son, & the Holy Ghost, & which one is a man, a woman, or nonbinary, & which is the red, green, or blue channel in the pixels of a computer monitor, & that you have to pick carefully because your answer will also imply a permanent association between the continent & the rgb, & all the other combinations, & he will involve your answer in various judgments of you. guy who won’t be friends with you if you think Canada is the album In Utero by Nirvana or that In Utero is the bottom right point of a triangle & not the top point or that Aristotle is NBC
guy who says you can’t be both vegan & anticapitalist because he regards capitalism like a singular superorganism that is alive in a more abstract way than animals & people, & striving to harm it would be unethical
guy who inexplicably always presses his phone keyboard suggestions, distorting the intent of his messages, & is always muttering stuff like “no thought, no will, no freedom, only subservience to gboard”
guy who walks around with a big jar of dill pickles tucked under his arm & splashes people with pickle juice whenever he shoves his hand in to grab one
guy who forces someone at gunpoint to seek out an internet-connected device, register a twitter account called “o9fuof4i9uouto8t9i,” & make a single tweet that says “ahrrue0u9oetu8gt93yho8ruuiguiouoo4t8ur” at which point he lets them go unharmed
guy who reads all the standard fairy tales as a young child but forgets about all of them & also miraculously never encounters any of the biggest ones again clear into adulthood, & says, “i encountered this woman at work of the name, Cinderella Rapunzel, it- …just struck me, the most enchanting name… as if from another world! something about it, it called to me, as if… it was like it knew some deep part of me!”
guy who calmly drinks a glass of milk then does the cabbage patch to celebrate that
person who opens up their web browser & navigates to their own blog while inexplicably saying “i’m gonna bag me a man tonight”
guy who devotes his life to killing anyone who rickrolls him in a kill bill esque fashion
guy who takes every yo mama joke he hears as new factual information about his mama
guy who instantly kills anyone who happens to use the phrase “as a matter of fact” in his vicinity
guy who only knows the word “blockchain”
guy who methodically follows the exact inverse of all traffic laws
guy who registers a twitter account then never logs into it or looks at the site but derives satisfaction from knowing that he has an account on it
guy who despises the metal numbers on houses that tell you their address but never does anything about it
guy who is unable to conversationally approach any topic except the artistic illegitimacy of william basinski’s disintegration loops
guy who is obsessed with the futile task of constructing another living conscious human being out of soda tabs
guy who spends his full fifteenth year of life not chewing any food in what he views as an act of rebellion against society
guy who laughs extremely hard at every joke he hears while earnestly attempting to shamingly convince the teller of the joke that it wasn’t funny
guy who spends lots of his free time in his local post office calling the workers stupid for being unable to route his letters to the proper addresses just because he refuses to write the addresses
guy who has never operated a gun & thinks you have to suck a bullet into it before you fire it
guy who has a dream every night about starting a food fight & is scared that one day he might actually do it
guy who turns into a traffic cone whenever he’s confused
guy who gets angry at people for reading his t-shirt
guy who very committedly pretends to be a vampire but only around his parents
guy who fucks god to death
guy who thinks the human molar is the platonic ideal form of beauty
guy who is obsessed with critical theory but applies it only in the context of the running of the website tvtropes
guy who has to be constantly prevented from trying to make & eat a sandwich with two vinyl records for the bread
guy who thinks kfc stands for knights of the fallen crucifix
guy who pours immense amounts of time, effort, money, & engineering expertise into running miles & miles of electrical wiring through the living rock of a mountain range to some obscure inaccessible overlook so that he can install an electrical outlet & kill himself by putting a fork in it, for the ultimate purpose of confusing whoever eventually finds his body
guy who copies & pastes funny texts post from his tumblr dashboard onto his own blog & defends this with paragraphs & paragraphs of dense communist rhetoric
guy who tries to shut down the american government by putting a do not disturb sign on the door knob on the front door of the white house
guy who goes gaga for gorgonzola goulash
guy whose home address is visible if you google his first name
guy who thinks bladee was a member of monty python
guy who undergoes surgical modification to become emo
guy who tries to run a wikia about his own scalp with a different page for each hair
guy who licks doritos clean then hangs them from his ceiling with fishing line
guy who starts a subreddit dedicated to a pseudoscientific method of carbonating beverages by force of will
guy who uses “toad” as a verb in contextually inconsistent ways & never defines it
guy who tries to log in to other people’s accounts & just gets really confused when he reaches the password field & doesn’t know what to type in
guy who pulls you out of a hat before a dazzled audience
guy who habitually examines his spine unable to determine an endpoint at either side
guy crying in frustration over his inability to induce arthritis in himself
girl who dies of sleep deprivation because every time she falls asleep she has really funny dreams that make her wake up giggling
girl who destroys her life through numerous acts of wanton self-destruction after deciding her life is ruined because she came home from work one day & found a turtle in her room
girl with a phobia of dropping a coat hanger
girl who chases a shot of vodka with an entire gallon jug of milk
guy who records a three hour single take video of him in his front lawn using several dinosaur figurines to reenact personal drama in his life
girl who dies the first time she ever snores cause she snores so loud it explodes her body into chunks bits
guy who lives a full lifetime without ever discovering or otherwise inadvertently using his ability to kill trout with his mind
girl who compulsively thinks of herself as “honey nut cheerios woman” without ever defining to herself what that means & would feel severely embarrassed if anyone knew this
guy who verges on panic whenever he remembers that the mona lisa exists
girl who is hypothetically addicted to being blown up by dynamite
girl who avoids using emojis out of an anxious belief that there is a finite supply
guy who desperately wishes that while he was on a walk one night the moon would crack in half & spill out luminescent fluid so that his life would feel less monotonous
guy who suspects his pessimism of playing a role in the chronic instability of his wireless internet connection
girl who has to come home from her hectic office job each day & destress by rereading the wikipedia article on rabies
guy who frequently registers sockpuppet wikipedia accounts in a devoted effort to create & maintain a page about his bed, which he calls “the crash pad”
guy whose day is ruined if he encounters the cliche of “2+2=4” being written on an illustrated chalkboard
girl who adopts a dog & names it her name
girl who is certain in a matter-of-fact & non-self-deprecating way that she would be at the bottom of a global leaderboard with respect to some characteristic but doesn’t have even one guess as to what it would be
guy who refuses to wear any upper body clothing except football jerseys with his age on them
girl who wears rubber gloves when handling a can of energy drink
guy who thinks the milk used in ice cream comes from a specific breed of cow
guy who will learn about an entirely unfamiliar aspect of the world & make a post on the mandela effect subreddit about it having not previously existed
guy who gets caught at a social gathering washing his hands with rubber gloves on & gets really skittish & embarrassed about it for the rest of the afternoon even though no one is making a big deal about it at all
guy who wakes up each morning briefly imagining being cocooned in cool green tree leaves but totally forgets that it is a tendency outside of when it’s actually happening
girl who is subconsciously filled with constant preparedness to begin chewing through her own arm were it revealed that there was something important inside of it
person who has an “artist - title” juxtaposition that they inexplicably find powerfully comforting & very committedly never listens to the song out of fear of overwriting what the juxtaposition vaguely means to them in a vacuum
guy who is addicted to formulating spectra
guy who is inexplicably tried & executed for naturally looking exactly like john travolta & being named “john travolta,” & on the conscious basis of these two things rather than being mistaken for john travolta & receiving a punishment that was intended for him
guy whos corpse can time travel
guy who would become infatuated with any cryogenically frozen people he encountered or learned of
guy who moves to a tropical region after being told by an anonymous image board user that he will die if ever hit by a snowball
girl who fools you with her tricks
girl who strictly types ampersands instead of the word and
guy who prays to god every night that someone in the world will be killed by a falling girder
guy who has a spiritual crisis after witnessing a bird getting into a fight with a squirrel
girl who has never finished a sentence
guy who tries to tell you that he can be your angel or your devil but misspells “angel” as “angle”
guy who registers a bandcamp account in beyonce’s name & uploads her albums merely out of a sincere interest in participating in the distribution of her music
girl who sprays a jet of blood out of one of her tear ducts when startled
girl with a high-paying government job who as a teenager ran a website which collated pictures of people’s embarrassing & ill-advised tattoos
guy who cartoonishly goes “muhahahahaha!” whenever he tells a joke that someone laughs at
guy who makes the fast food restaurant employees solve a hangman of his order every time
guy who is a doghouse louse
guy whos get killed with a shovel over & over awesome
guy who is awarded a raw fish after playing twinkle twinkle little star by honking a row of variously tuned horns with his mouth
girl who saws her own leg off then loudly complains in an exaggerated valley girl accent about what she just did until she bleeds out, repeatedly making explicit reference to the fact that she herself did it but nonetheless possessing a tone as if she is right to be very indignant about it having happened
guy who any time he sees a manhole cover in the street says “aw man you know i got this!” & frisbees it at the nearest car windshield
girl who doesn’t hesitate in tearing off the margin of a page of a book she’s reading to write some info on it for someone if there’s no other paper immediately available
guy who legitimately & permanently resolves a different chronic source of mental anguish or existential dissatisfaction with each object he purchases
guy who has lots of problems until one day when he gets on his computer & types “is not a broken person” between two asterisks
guy who undergoes radical personal transformation after reading a clumsily written decade old yahoo! answers question about love
guy who lives in the depths of the ocean & is constantly afraid of beginning to shallowly appropriate coral, seaweed, sharks, & currents into some kind of hokey identity that he can display to people
guy who does a psychedelic drug & says stuff like “i’m on the freakin’ moooon, i’m in outer space”
guy who has spent his entire life conceiving of his mind as being physically located in his head, in accordance with the biological location of the brain, but realizes that this is just something he project subjectively, & decides to mark a new epoch in his life by mentally relocating it perhaps to his chest
girl who lives her life with absolute regularity, tires of this, makes her life consistently chaotic instead, tires of the homogeneity of the chaos through time, organizes her life to oscillate between order & chaos, tires of the regularity of that interval, reorganizes such that the interval between order & chaos is irregular, feels this tilts it too far towards chaos, regresses to a still more abstracted level of organization… (eventually arriving at maybe the ethos of minimal music composition)
girl who ceases to be hypothetical at the worst possible moment
girl who psychoanalyzes the ascription of masculinity or femininity to each given person hypothetical person for whom it is applicable
guy who reaches down from his throne of skulls & crushes your head between his thumb & index finger in a feminist way
guy who sits at an extremely dusty cluttered workbench & uses a quill to write absurd misogynistic diatribes in a leather bound journal with the title “On Women” embossed in gold on the front
guy who says “hear ye, hear ye!” when about to say some of the most phenomenally stupid things you’ve ever heard in your entire life
guy who is worried that he is slowly turning into God
person who becomes extremely fearful & violent at the suggestion of watching a “classic film” or listening to a “classic record” as if by some deeply ingrained animalistic understanding that they are categorically agonizing to experience
guy who solves an algebra problem & says “yeah, i’ll go ahead & incorporate that into my belief system”
guy who has to continuously eat his own brain because it grows so fast
guy who sprinkles table salt on his table then laughs so hard that he dies
guy who wakes up each morning & gets in a racecar to drive thirty feet to & from his mailbox at one hundred fifty miles per hour
girl who names fruits before eating them
guy whos so unlucky he was born in an infinite hallway of conjoined adjacent ladders that he has to walk under forever but really hes soo super lucky cause the accrued bad luck never even catches up with him
guy whos so lucky that he is born in Hell but gets chewed up to death by a horror demon instantly so that he doesnt have to be in Hell
guy who spends all his free time sitting in his apartment staring uncomprehendingly at stock market data & occasionally nodding pensively as though he is at some point going to identify “the moment” at which to make a certain critical purchase
person who is ontologically a boyfriend
guy who one day pries a small hunk of asphalt from a blacktop parking lot on a hot day & eats it & from that day forward displays a marked change in personality
two dopey best friends who each carry a satchel of fake plastic gold medals wherever they go & award the other with a medal whenever they say something funny or awesome
guy who ran for president & gets so many votes that he won the eection!
girl who gets concussions every time a horse decapitates itself
guy who inadvertently inhales a single grain of pollen then pats his stomach & says “mmm, that really hit the spot”
girl who has spent her entire life preparing for bed
person who is so polite that it loops around in the manner of an integer overflow to being traumatizing
guy who is a constant process of nutritional expenditure & replacement & wishes his wife would stop bothering him & let him watch the freakin game
guy who subsists exclusively on dust which he “eats” by going to a corner of some dank old room & inhaling hard with his mouth wide open
guy who requires an extremely complex system of philosophical positions to produce his outwardly simple & relaxed character
girl who simply imposes order on chaos in a hubristic but ultimately successful manner
girl who determines with absolute certainty that reincarnation & the afterlife arent real & proceeds to make them real
guy who dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you & dies & kills you &
guy who makes a tumblr post that says “*dies*” & gets seven thousand notes, all reblogs, all captioned “AWESOME.”, all from people who are not coordinating to do this & none of whom ever click the notes & see that people have typed it previously, & all of whom take the post as a genuine representation of the op’s actual death
guy who has a crush on the entity that he imagines grabbing him if he lets any of his limbs dangle off his bed as he falls asleep, but also still fearfully hopes exactly like anyone else that that does not happen & strcitly does not let his limbs dangle
guy who regards all people whose names start with the same first letter interchangeably such that he can only recognize twenty-six people in his life
guy who conspires to blow up the eiffel tower on no other grounds than that its lights are shining through his bedroom window & keeping him awake at night
guy who performs surgery on an idea
girl who somehow loses her lawsuit against a group of doctors who filled her chest cavity with foam packing peanuts, & in a way that can be solidly attributed not to any kind of systemic injustice but to her own shocking ineptitude
girl who is only metaphorical, in addition to being hypothetical
guy who has kerosene for blood & is constantly detonating & killing people all the time
guy who loves all music so much he gives it five on rate your music always until he gets really obsessed with having perfectly normal distribution of ratings & selectively conditions himself to like various releases less to varying degrees
guy who has a quality that makes him worth describing as a hypothetical person but his head is squashed by a cinder block that falls from an airplane before we can ascertain what his quality is so we just use that event as the quality instead
guy who has his first sexual impulse at age twenty-five & simply thinks “well i dont really care for it” & shuts it off by force of will permanently
guy whose multivitamin gummies are making him evil
guy who uses his computer like a long-ago sea captain screaming passionately & fighting with the wheel during an intense storm
guy who playfully calls you a sillyhead before grimly tearing you limb from limb for being a sillyhead
girl who can describe a normal chair in a way that makes people get so scared they lose consciousness
girl who was created by God to be pelted with handfuls of sand constantly
guy who want a sick puppy
guy who has a severe anaphylactic reaction to prank calls
guy who will kill someone for no better-substantiated reason than that they “suck”
guy whose most embarrassing secret is that once while his contact lenses were out he tried to flirt with the polar bear on the side of a coca-cola truck
guy who initiates a life changing conversation with a customer service representative
guy who finally sees past the endless treadmill of manufactured needs imposed on him by capitalism & reacquaints himself with his true desire of shoving hundreds of people into wood chipper & meat grinder fucking death fuck
guy who dies from choking on an mp3 file
guy who spends several hours reading through misterwelldone.wordpress.com with a slowly increasing look of inconsolable fear on his face the whole time
fabric tycoon who carries out extremely unethical levels of deforestation but wins the hearts of thousands of young bloggers in the process by being very charming & attractive
guy who spends seven hours trying to wash water off of his hands before someone explains to him the futility of his task
person who just walks around
person named leonardo who paints such a most beauiful woman…
girl who keeps killing your boyfriends & it’s so so so freaking annoying
guy who puts active concentration into mind controlling bed bugs in his room to come & bite him even though they would do that anyway
girl who has extorted thousands of dollars from god
guy who when first informed of his mortality says “YIPE!”
guy who keeps going to cemeteries & digging up human corpses but with such an air of innocent curiosity that no one can get angry at him for it & they just try to gently lecture him on why he shouldn’t do it
guy whos superficial charms obscure the blood curdling reality that he likes icecream
girl who catches a mosquito on her arm & smashes a glass over its head before tackling it to the floor & crushes uts windpipe with her fists then drags its corpse out to her backyard & digs a hole in the dirt & puts the mosquito in & buries it
person who successfully spends one hundred percent of their lifespan having their upper back scratched lightly
person who vehemently dislikes capitalism not because of any of its harmful effects or injustices but because it is “weird”
guy who is the last sane man in a world gone mad
person who shows you their record collection & it’s every one of the albums that youtube has sporadically recommended to everyone on the site sometimes & nothing else
girwhpressebackspacinsteaospacebar
girl desperately trying with all the rhetoric & passion she can muster, sincerely, as if her life depends on it, to convince you to start walking around with a propeller hat on
guy wearing a propeller hat who crashes through the skylight of an office building dying instantly after having been the subject of an unsolved missing person case for ten years
guy who is actually misogynistic purely on the basis of the garden of eden story like genuinely he’d be a nice guy if he didn’t think about the story & get really mad but as it staqnds he is just filled with virulent hatred
guy who is extremely smug about having died in unimaginable agony, & not in the sense that he observes a set of values which position dying in unimaginable agony as a status of honor which he might reasonably be smug about under that reasoning, but rather in the sense that he is as averse to such a fate as anyone typically would be & as such it is his propensity for smugness that he is taking to a point of irrational & maximally counterintuitive absurdity
guy who is the cream of the crop at separating the wheat from the chaff
guy who goes skydiving & realizes his parachute is broken but fortunately spots a huge haystack that he is able to maneuver over & land on but is unfortunately killed by a sewing needle the punctures his jugular vein
girl who wants to be the small dog that uncomprehendingly causes a multi million dollar industrial accident by functioning as a brief distraction to the wrong person at the wrong moment
guy who says “hip… hip… hooraaay!”
guy who googles “how to be a serial killer without killing people”
GUY WHO HAS ONTOLOGICAL SECURITY.
guy who thinks taco bell should have a new slogan that he came up with
guy who unhappily expresses a constant disciplined repression in his bodily posture out of fear that otherwise someone might think he is “on crack”
guy who murders you before he kills you instead of murdering you after he kills you
guy who inspires over a century of political & philosophical currents by writing an analysis of the functioning of capitalism that diverges from the fundamental assumptions implicitly made by existing economic theory in favor of positing its own set of fundamental mechanisms
girl who inspires over a century of political & philosophical currents by writing an analysis of the functioning of capitalism that diverges from the fundamental assumptions implicitly made by existing economic theory in favor of positing its own set of fundamental mechanisms
guy who knuckle walks into old navy & who knows what happens next
guy who is a real mover & shaker in the concepts business, constantly repeating ones he has heard or synthesizing them into brand new ones
guy who develops an ai that invisibly generates & recuperates over six billion radical concepts per second & becomes a target of extreme vitriol from countless people who regard this as harmful to anti -estafb bflsighfndmio dh4hi o dui ;o ;o [CLICK]
guy who has a variant of the self preservation instinct called “the funny self preservation instinct”
guy who has spent his entire life saving up for a cool toy
guy who has a medical emergency when his guts all fall out of his skull down into the rest of his body
guy who has never spoken, who is finally goaded into speaking, who begins to tangle himself in the tangles of language
chair that is silent immobile inanimate & inorganic but craves sexual release
person who destroys beauty due to all the reformative obligations it implies with respect to them if permitted to continue existing
guy who can’t remember if the early bird gets the worm or the bagel
guy who wins the nobel peace prize for inventing a device that can, without any subsequent benefit, electrically stimulate an insect to experience the frustration & ennui of a person constantly tasked with filling out stacks of uninteresting paperwork
guy who buys a roll of unfamiliar off-brand paper towels & discovers that they have an insatiable sexual appetite
girl at an expensive restaurant who asks her waiter (immediately upon his first approach to the table) if he has a tumblr account, hoping to send him anon hate for at least the next six months regardless of the quality of his subsequent service
girl who notices a guy enjoying his stroll down the sidewalk, pouts & says “that’s no good!” before fully & rapidly disassembling him like an ikea product over the course of a second, his lifeless components now tidily organized in an array on the ground
guy who accidentally pours a whole mouthful of coffee down his windpipe but does not react & simply digests it through alternate means because he is awesome
guy who successfully narrows his ethical beliefs to a sufficient point of idiosyncrasy that he is only friendship-compatible with one person on the planet, a man in Uruguay named Wilhelm Schendley who he never communicates with or encounters any sign of the existence of
tangentwithtanner
yousharknotpass
origamiaround
dededos
annaxmalina
blakekathryn
