sans' joke book

*what can i say, english is a punny language. -sans' high school yearbook quote

[sans-joke-book]

[animentality]

[pseudomantis]

[is-the-owl-video-cute-deactivat]

a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this

[phaeton-flier]

How about you mind your own damn business

[susienumberonefan]

nobodys uploaded the sprites yet so i had to make do

[astronomifier]

[cool-deltarune-fun-facts]

[byjove]

I can’t remember if I told you guys this but my grandpa paid a guy to put up a rock retaining wall in the backyard when my grandparents moved into their house in 1966. They live at the bottom of a mountain. The wall finally collapsed this year and my grandfather with dementia was PISSED OFFFFFF and he wanted so badly to call the guy who did it and chew him out for doing a bad job. My grandma is trying to explain that the wall lasted 60 years and the guy who did the work is probably dead and it TURNS OUT HE IS STILL ALIVE. Now we’re worried grandpa is going to get through to him (small town) and we’re going to see two 85 year old men come to blows over a rock wall that has been there since the mid-60s. My grandpa is a scrapper, he’s been to jail over a bar fight, the possibility that he WOULD fight this guy is high.

To top it off? The stone mason is the only person in town with one arm so grandpa would definitely recognize him if he saw him. If that is your grandpa, please protect him from my grandpa.

[postapocalypticparenting]

Actually what is the expected lifespan of a stone wall? I grew up in New England

[byjove]

I don’t know. They could last indefinitely in perfect conditions on flat land. Like I said, they’re at the bottom of a mountain in Appalachia and this wall has held back 60 years of snow melt and ground shifting and it has survived countless major weather events. In my opinion it is very good work and I think 60 is a good run for a rock retaining wall. The problem is that grandpa feels like the wall was put up recently so he thinks it is shitty craftsmanship. He’s mad because he can’t quite grasp that this wall has done its job for 60 years. Dementia is a terrible disease but if you don’t laugh you’ll cry and grandpa’s righteous indignation at this man’s work is kinda hilarious.

[tartrazeen]

I think you should tell the masonry guy that his retaining wall held up for 60 years

He'll either be thrilled at its lifespan or be equally outraged and come zipping over to fix it as fast as the tennis balls on his walker will allow 💖

[hylianane]

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

[maseratus]

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

[mousidy]

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

[mousidy]

[bisthefairy]

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

[maightymai]

[evilscientist3]

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

[ttechniic]

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

[evilscientist3]

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

[ttechniic]

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

[evilscientist3]

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

[ttechniic]

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

[siderealglimmer]

[sans-joke-book]

[sans-joke-book]

[jaronofthebored]

But it's so far awaaayyyy

[cartoon-fanaticism]

GLaDOS voice: "Would you like to see some artwork I generated? I've heard from other test subjects that AI-generated artwork produces an uncanny valley response in human viewers because they can't perceive it as fully real. They've told me that it looks absolutely hideous to them, that they can't imagine anything more disgusting than AI art. But, well I've been practicing and wanted your honest opinion. Feel free to let me know how ugly you find this by ranking it on a scale from 'vomit-inducing' to 'eye-bleeding'." A robotic arm lowers from the ceiling holding a hand mirror up to Chell's face

[wassuppeas]

[sentient-tent]

This is Tie, she is going to eat all of the notes

[sentient-tent]

reblog to feed her notes

[elodieunderglass]

How is she doing this

[sans-joke-book]

[catchyvideos]

OP spongecake_cats on TikTok ♡

[drysqu1d]

let me out of the void!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENTER MY DOMAIN!!!!!!

[drysqu1d]

[drysqu1d]

glowing reviews so far

[drysqu1d]

[drysqu1d]

[drysqu1d]

[drysqu1d]

[sans-joke-book]

[sans-joke-book]

Just saw a post "the love of Supernatural never dies."

Even if it does, it just comes back to life.

[knifenymph]

change does not come from a place of comfort

[aquareaper3]

I find pennies and nickels in my couch all the time, so I don’t know what you are talking about

[homofied]

[opalfairy]

[criminallyaddictedtomilk]

[nuttysaladtree]

@elodieunderglass

[elodieunderglass]

That is very strange indeed!

[krisrisk]

@a-book-of-creatures

[a-book-of-creatures]

I trust Milkwalker completely

[sans-joke-book]

These half-pints are pissing me off.

I'm the Original Milkwalker.