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bluerats

“I’ll remember” is the ADHD demon talking. You won’t remember. Write it down.

septemberbells

bold of you to assume i’ll remember where i wrote it, or even that i wrote it

finnglas

Visual exhaustion is another symptom of ADHD, which means that if we see something enough times (or we see enough instances of something), it fades into background noise and we fail to notice it. This is why a lot of ADHD people can stand living surrounded by mess/clutter, because it’s just visual background noise to us. We don’t even notice it anymore. So if we write something down and see the note stuck up somewhere a lot – or if we write a LOT of somethings down and have a lot of notes hanging around – then we’re even less likely to think of/remember the thing because it’s just part of the scenery now. ADHD is the Catch-22 of brains.

spoonie-living

A very good thing to know about ADHD. Don’t fall into the trap.

A lot of folks in the comments are talking about writing on themselves or setting phone/calendar reminders. Your mileage may vary on those. You may also want to consider ways to set a habit of referring back to a planner or similar every day/hour.

To get those brain juices flowing, check out this Buzzfeed article on different ways folks with ADHD stay on top of things.

Readers, let us know if you have specific advice for this situation!

allthingshyper

This is why sticky note reminders don’t work??

hesaidsidhesaid

SKLJDGBKJEDSBBV

VISUAL BACKGROUND NOISE?!

THERE’S A WORD FOR IT?

mixingpumpkins

Always reblog “THAT’S WHAT THAT IS???” posts. Chances are someone hasn’t seen it that needs to.

#adhd #executive dysfunction #brainweasels

anderjak-creations

glumshoe

The other thing about the word “queer” is that almost everyone I’ve seen opposed to it have been cis, binary gays and lesbians. Not wanting it applied to yourself is fine, but I think people underestimate the appeal of vague, inclusive terminology when they already have language to easily and non-invasively describe themselves.

Saying “I’m gay/lesbian/bi” is pretty simple. Just about everyone knows what you mean, and you quickly establish yourself as a member of a community. Saying “I’m a trans nonbinary bi woman who’s celibate due to dysphoria and possibly on the ace spectrum”… not so much. You’re lucky to find anyone who understands even half of that, and explaining it requires revealing a ton of personal information. The appeal of “queer” is being able to identify yourself without profiling yourself. It’s welcoming and functional terminology to those who do not have the luxury of simplified language and occupy complicated identities. *That’s* why people use it - there are currently not alternatives to express the same sentiment.

It’s not people “oppressing themselves” or naively and irresponsibly using a word with loaded history. It’s easy to dismiss it as bad or unnecessary if you already have the luxury of language to comfortably describe yourself.

skeletrender

There’s another dimension that always, always gets overlooked in contemporary discussions about the word “queer:” class. The last paragraph here reminds me of a old quote: “rich lesbians are ‘sapphic,’ poor lesbians are ‘dykes’.”

The reclaiming of the slur “queer” was an intensely political process, and people who came up during the 90s, or who came up mostly around people who did so, were divided on class and political lines on questions of assimilation into straight capitalist society.

Bourgeois gays and lesbians already had “the luxury of language” to describe themselves - normalized through struggle, thanks to groups like the Gay Liberation Front.

Everyone else, from poor gays and lesbians to bi and trans people and so on, had no such language. These people were the ones for whom social/economic assimilation was not an option.

The only language left, the only word which united this particular underclass, was “queer.” “Queer” came to mean an opposition to assimilation - to straight culture, capitalism, patriarchy, and to upper class gays and lesbians who wanted to throw the rest of us under the bus for a seat at that table - and a solidarity among those marginalized for their sexuality/gender id/presentation.

(Groups which reclaimed “queer,” like Queer Patrol (armed against homophobic violence), (Queers) Bash Back! (action and theory against fascism, homophobia, and transphobia), and Queerbomb (in response to corporate/state co-optation of mainstream Gay Pride), were “ultraleft,” working-class, anti-capitalist, and functioned around solidarity and direct action.)

The contemporary discourse around “queer” as a reclaimed-or-not slur both ignores and reproduces this history. The most marginalized among us, as OP notes, need this language. The ones who have problems with it are, generally, among those who have language - or “community,” or social/economic/political support - of their own.

vaspider

Oh hey look it’s the story of my growing up.

All of this is true.

postcardsfromspace

Yes.

yall-frickin-inconsiderate

also, “qpoc” is a thing, like how about we not take away a term that a lot of people of color id with? thanks :))))

#queer

ohcaptainmycaptain1918

Hey you know what the great thing about this slightly cropped GIF is?

This is possibly the closest we could ever get of an actual GIF of Steve Rogers that could look eXACTLY LIKE SEX

He’d riding someone until he’s a fucked-out mess?

He’s the one doing the fucking? Maybe from behind? Maybe he’s holding their ankles in his hands.

For anyone out there (like myself) who writes/reads Steve in BDSM scenarios? That little jolt could pass as his backside just getting a nice little hit. Maybe a spanking.

Panting heavily and then exhaling, “God…”

Breath hitching and then releasing it with a completely wrecked “Auh…”

Sensual and passionate love-making? Or rough and animalistic, breaking-every-piece-of-furniture-in-the-room fuck frenzy?

Steve coming.

You’re welcome, by the way.

#steve rogers #unf #yup

nataliajames

Buckynat art by Chris Samnee.

#fanart #bucky/natasha #buckynat

star-anise

I get that y’all are mad as hell but could you please motherfucking tag for like, “us politics” or “sexual assault” or shit like that? Please?

sassbandit3000

cosign. originally typed “cosigh” and that too.

678i0u

It is my duty to fight for the things I love.

#nakia #black panther

dateamonster

vampire dude to his vampire friend: wow.. looks like there’s only one coffin….. what’ll we do?

other vampire dude who reads a lot of fanfiction: we could……….. share it

sunspotclover-deactivated202508

and they were tombmates…

i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed-deacti

oh my god they were tombmates…

#fandom silliness

Basement (Steve/Bucky, Explicit)

[Aka sassbandit does @kinktober2018. This is for the “masks” and “deepthroating” prompts from the 1st of October. Contains consensual non-consent/rape roleplay - note tags. Also posted here on ao3.]

Captain America's mag-cuffed to a sturdy post, on his knees. He struggles, pulling at the restraints. The cuffs won't come off, but he might be able to break the post. He won't do it – it could bring the whole building down on them – but he's making a good show of it.

Bucky – the Asset – watches from across the basement. He stands silent, still, waiting. He tries to remember how to hold his body like he used to. The stillness is the main thing. Threatening. Inscrutable. He's untied his hair so it hangs down over his face, and he's wearing a mask.

Not the mask. He lost it, along with the rest of his tac gear, in those early days on the run. He found another, in one of those terrifyingly huge hardware stores they have these days. It's meant for... Painting? Lead? Asbestos. Something like that. It covers the lower half of his face, making his breath echo as he inhales through the filters. It's familiar, disturbingly easy to settle in to.

"You'll pay for this," Captain America says, thickly and indistinctly. A bruise is blooming on his cheek, blood trickling from a cut in his lip. It took some effort to subdue him, to drag him down here, restrain him. His face is uncovered, his helmet tossed aside on the basement floor. His skin looks pale in the light of the uncovered bulb hanging from the low ceiling. His hair is mussed. "My team's coming for me," he says.

No, they're not, Bucky thinks, but he doesn't say anything out loud. Instead, he steps forward from the shadows, stalks across to where Captain America is still thrashing against his bonds.

Captain America's looks from Bucky's masked face to his gloved hand, where he can see the glint of what Bucky's holding. His eyes widen. "No!" he says, and Bucky bites his lip behind the mask, suppressing a smile, knowing it would show in his eyes. "No, no," Captain America says again, shaking his head. "Fuck you. You wouldn't dare."

Up close, Bucky can see that Captain America's breathing hard, his chest thrust forward as his shoulders are pulled back by the restraints. His knees are spread on the bare concrete, a prominent bulge visible between his legs. The protective pads of his old uniform are scuffed and torn – he hadn't wanted to mess up the current one, hadn't wanted to explain. Bucky approves. It's better this way, seeing him roughed up.

He's still cussing, and he spits as Bucky gets closer. A wad of saliva and blood hits Bucky somewhere around his left knee. He looks down at it, and then up at Captain America's face. Captain America's eyes are blazing defiance, but when he sees The Asset appraising him, he lowers his gaze just a touch, his lashes shading his eyes, and when he looks up again he's pleading wordlessly, his expression hot with arousal.

Bucky reaches out and grabs Captain America's face, forcing his fingers painfully into the hinges of his jaw to make his mouth open. He tries to pull his head away, but Bucky's metal hand is too strong. Instead he yowls wordlessly as Bucky forces a spider gag between his teeth. It's hard steel, a ring holding his mouth wide open, its arms distending his lips and making more blood trickle down the side of his chin.

Bucky stops to look at him, to appreciate the sight of Captain America like this. He wishes he could take a photo, but his phone's tucked away deep in his pocket and the Asset... wouldn't. Instead he lengthens the stare, makes it flat and uncomfortable for as long as he can, then he reaches down to take out his cock and stroke it purposefully. He doesn't break eye contact. When he's ready, he pushes forward into Captain America's space, pushes him back against the post he's tied to. Then, slowly and inexorably, he feeds his cock into Captain America's mouth, into the gaping hole formed by the gag, across the wet muscle of his tongue.

Captain America gags and splutters. He thrashes, tries to pull away, but Bucky fists a hand in his hair, pulling his head roughly back. Captain America's eyes glint, and he resists for a minute before letting himself be positioned, tilting his head as though it was all Bucky's idea. Bucky can see the tiniest curl of what might be a smile at the corner of his distended lips.

Bucky pushes Captain America back harder against the post, crowding against him so that there's no space between them, his knees up hard against Captain America's stomach. He can feel the hard ridges of the uniform, the contained strength underneath it, smell Captain America's sweat and blood permeated through the fabric. He widens his stance, spreading Captain America's thighs apart with his boots, yanks hard on the handful of hair he's holding, and lets out a low growl.

All of a sudden he feels surrender under his hands. Captain America stops struggling, stops resisting. His body is pliant, his mouth falling more widely open. Bucky takes a deep, reverberating breath through his mask and slides his cock down Captain America's throat.

#my fic #stucky #steve/bucky #hydra trash party #kinktober2018 #rape tw #kink #rape roleplay #consensual non-consent #consent play

kinktober2023

Kinktober 2018

The prompt list for 2018 is complete! Most of what’s on here is the same as last year, but with some new additions and being a bit more specific on some prompts, there’s a total of 120 potential prompts to choose from. The list has also been randomized, so that they fall on different days. So, without further ado, the list!

Again, this isn’t really a formal challenge or anything. More of just a general attempt to produce some filthy, filthy things in October of 2018. Sure, it may be early, but some people (myself included) like having plenty of time to plan things out. Feel free to drop an ask in the inbox with any questions!

#kinktober2018 #signal boost

unofficial-estonia

If you’re having a bad day, remember that in 16th century Baltic Germans dressed like this:

so1987-deactivated20230102

me dragging my blanket around the whole damn house cuz all of me must be toasty

amidnightvoyage

Do NOT talk to me, I am wearing my Anxiety Cloak with the special Antisocial Collar.

ao3commentoftheday

raise your hand if you reread fic comments when you’re having a bad day

those kind words can make all the difference sometimes

kermitreactions

burrito is good for when sad time

wetwareproblem

Queer is not a slur.

Not when used as a self-identification, and not when used as an umbrella term within the community, at least.

See, here’s the thing: The most common identifier used by bi, pan, and trans people to describe their sexuality? Queer.

Given that multiple studies have shown that bi people alone comprise about half the community, that makes it by far the most common term we use to describe ourselves.

What’s more, it’s not just an identifier: it’s a rallying cry. It’s a banner the whole community has assembled under forever. “We’re here, we’re queer” is a cliché for a reason. It’s a statement of power, and of pride - yes, we’re weird. We don’t fit into the “acceptable” categories cisheteronormative society gives us. And that’s a good thing. It’s a call to demolish those “acceptable” boxes, to build a world we’re all part of.

Its rejection is a relatively recent move by the same homonationalism that brought us “Bi people don’t belong,” the thrilling sequel “Trans people don’t belong,” and the stunning conclusion “Ace people don’t belong.” It’s a deliberate strategy employed by respectability politicians seeking a seat at the table - taking the work we’ve put in and distancing themselves from us so they can tell the straights “We deserve your respect because we’re just like you! We even hate queers!”

(And don’t think it’s a coincidence that the community suddenly forgot the massive, massive overlap between “queer” and “poly” when building the very self-conscious image of two clean-cut upper-middle-class smiling young professional men or women either. Anything that wasn’t “respectable” enough had to go. My deepest thanks to the person who pointed this out.)

In the rush for our place in an oppressive hell, we’ve lost our revolutionary edge, lost our fire, and lost a lot of what drove us in the first place. Fuck. That.

I’m queer, and you will never take that away from me.

oudeteron

It’s nice being Tumblr Old and having some recollection of the self-identifiers we used before this website. The slogans alone should tell you the motivators behind using “queer” as opposed to other terms. There was “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!” There was “queer rage”. There was “not gay as in happy, but queer as in fuck you.” That last one especially shows rejection of any neat essentialist boxes – go away with your binaries, your easy categorization, and last but not least your respectability politics.

I’ve never seen “q slur” used before Tumblr, and even that only in the last maybe two years. I’m not playing the whole “you kids turn everything into a trigger” game, that’s not the point. My point is that almost uniformly older LGBTQ+ people on this website associate “queer” with empowerment, and it’s teenagers and early 20-somethings (who are almost the same age group as me, I’m 27) constructing this idea that it has always only been a slur, that it’s more prevalent than any other slurs still in use, and that this is somehow the “historically correct” view of the term and everyone using queer is ignorant of history. Which is just not true.

So anyway, here are some great functions of “queer” that aren’t replicated by any other term:

1) Wide relevance. Queer can be related to gender, sexuality, or both.

2) Opacity. It can be a stand-in for some other term (gay, bisexual, trans, etc), or it can actually mean something else altogether! Something that isn’t fully covered by any of those categories!

3) Queer could, therefore, actually function as an umbrella term (yeah, I know I can’t get away with that in the present climate, thanks for that). Calling everything gay, as has become the norm on Tumblr, isn’t only sticking it to The Straights ™; it’s also sticking it to all the LGBTQ+ people who don’t identify as gay specifically (not to mention straight trans people), and who never see ourselves brought up in casual conversation anymore. It’s back to “gay rights” style language.

And you know what, of course it is, because “LGBTQ+” and other versions of the abbreviation aren’t catchy. “Gay” is catchy. “Queer” is catchy. But for some reason, gee I wonder why it could be, “the community” has decided to eliminate precisely the term that does actually by default encompass a wide range of identities. And replace it with one that again gives primacy to “gay” as the default descriptor, as if the rest of us just don’t matter or should be happy with being “obliquely included” (that is to say, erased). We’ve come up with all this specialized terminology for gender and sexuality, but when it comes to being actually talked about aside from specifically describing yourself in an intro to your blog, it’s underused.

I could go on about how targeting “queer” disproportionately affects MGA and trans/nb people, including people with multiple marginalizations, who especially are likely to have a problem with all these discrete one-dimensional categories and feel that “queer” expresses something the other terms can’t. But that’s already covered in the OP under good old respectability politics.

TL;DR: You can’t just take away a term that many, many people in the community have been actively using for decades before your latest iteration of SGA discourse and expect no meaning to be lost or broken.

gynoidgearhead

@outderon

I think, in part, the notion of “queer is a slur” comes from the comparative rarity of encountering it as far as younger people are concerned. Which, of course, makes it sound much more punchy on occasions when it is used. But you’re absolutely right about all of this.

the-supreme-dromaeosaurid

queer is a slur. this isn’t up for debate. the whole point of queer nation and groups like it was that the word queer has a history of violence, and that’s why they chose it. it was meant to shock. it was meant to turn cishets’ weapons against them - but the word is still a weapon, and people who aren’t comfortable with it shouldn’t have it applied to them

yes, queer was central to anti-assimilationist groups like queer nation and act up, and yes, fighting against respectability politics is really important. but like, none of this negates queer’s history. its recent history was empowerment and reclamation in the late 80s/early 90s, but before that it was exclusively a slur, and it’s still used (particularly by and against older people) to dehumanise lgbt+ people.

there’s nothing wrong with using it as a self-identification (provided you’re not cishet), but using it as an umbrella term is shit because it forces a slur onto people who aren’t necessarily comfortable with it. for so many lgbt+ people the word is primarily associated with violence and hatred, and I shouldn’t need to say that referring to people by a slur without their permission is just downright terrible

wetwareproblem

Okay, I have several huge problems with this.

Who exactly made you the Grand Arbiter of our language? Why do you get to tell people who were in the community before you were born that they can no longer use their language?

Can you tell me another term that can be used in informal day-to-day speech that has never been a slur? Can you show me an “umbrella” term that hasn’t been used by people telling half the community they’re “not gay enough” or “too extreme” or otherwise not worthy of being One Of Us? (In informal speech, I hear a lot of reversion to “gay” or “gay and lesbian;” hopefully I don’t have to explain what’s wrong here?) Can you show me a term that I can use to include all of us, as a person whose disability includes memory issues that make it very difficult to keep track of the ever-increasing alphabet soup?

A large part of this post is a response to people telling others who are self-identifying as queer “um sweaty :)))) that’s a slur :)))” – the same people who made “LGBT” into a warning sign – coming to tell us that we can’t use that word either, in any capacity.

You say “was” like anti-assimilationism is a footnote in a dusty history volume - to someone who is pushing back against assimilationism and the very real harm it is doing to a lot of the community.

“queer as an umbrella term is ahistorical” Oh, my sweet summer child. The first use of “queer” by people in the community as a broad descriptor was a century ago. The first use of it in the sense that I’m using it here - as a deliberately radical (both “radical politics” and “radically inclusive”) umbrella term applied to the whole community - predates the last major battle of the “who’s queer enough to count?” war and the use of LGBT, let alone the rest of the alphabet soup. I can show you formal scholarly articles about as old as you are that uncontroversially use it. Has it ever been used by the entire community to refer to the entire community? No. But neither has anything else that even pretends to include us all, and it definitely does have a storied history.

I wrote that post in response to a movement I’ve seen a fair amount of lately - the use of “queer is a slur” against people who are using it in a sense it’s had for over a quarter of a century in a deliberate bid to silence those of us who are hurt by supercessionist, assimilationist policies and tactics.

You want ahistorical? There are a lot of people right now trying to redefine the boundaries of the “LGBT” community to exclude folks who have been there all along, and to silence the voices of anybody who isn’t gay enough for their liking.

You know what else is still used as a slur? Gay. Yet somehow, it’s completely uncontroversial. When people talk about how gay they are* or “gay rights” or “gay marriage,” nobody bats an eye. Nobody gives them the “um sweaty, that’s a slur” speech. Even if they’re straight.

Active slurs are apparently perfectly fine for straight people to use to discuss things that affect all of us. So you’ll pardon me for being extremely fucking skeptical of the singling out of this term, one that sees extremely strong usage by the segments of the community keep being marginalized within the community, as unacceptable or a step too far. I’ve heard “That’s a step too far” way too many times from “LGBT” people and organizations - usually when I, as a trans person, ask them to fight for my rights too, or when I, as a bi person, ask for a face and a voice and maybe some resources.

The only thing that makes “queer” unacceptable where “gay” is uncontroversial is who’s using it.

Am I going to call specific, individual people queer? Not unless I’ve seen them actively claim it. Am I going to talk about the queer community, queer issues, queer rights? Hell yes I am - because the community that wants me as a member, the community I want to be a member of, is queer.

“Queer is a slur” is doing damage to me. Queer community, queer politics, and being queer are liberating me.

audreyimpossible

I went looking for this post because no less than 4 posts about “the q slur” have come across my dash today.

@wetwareproblem says it much more articulately above than I could, but what I will say is this: I’m so over people telling me the word I choose to identify with is so offensive it should never even be typed.

I’m queer. I have been part of the queer community for almost twenty years. My identity is not a slur.

pieheda

Kids.

Queers don’t let queers tell falsehoods about the word queer.

I don’t think it’s meant to be hurtful and I even think it’s well-intentioned - and that’s the problem. Earnestly, with good intentions, kids half my age are railing about queer being a slur and claiming to know the gay history that I personally lived (not to mention the gay history that precedes me).

We had queer studies courses in our universities. There are books on queer art, cinema, and history. You know how I know queer isn’t a slur?

Because we never had fag studies.

Sorry, that was harsh, right? Well, that’s the nature of a slur. It retains a hard edge, even if you take ownership of it. You can’t use it in respectful institutions such as academia. A straight person cannot utter it - even in solidarity - without sounding as if they’ve crossed a boundary.

The attempts to change history here are not without purpose. Changing the language is an effort made by people with ill-will for the LGBT community (particularly against the T, but also the B - which doesn’t bode well for those letters in the extended acronym). Fewer umbrella terms means people getting pushed out from under the umbrella.

Please guys, ask yourselves who benefits from this division (hint: people that do not want us to unify). Don’t fight against queer, a word that by its nature includes more vulnerable members of the community, people whose identity is less easily defined.

Also, I’m just as angry as @audreyimpossible is, for some reason it’s coming out of me way softer than it is inside of me. But this queer is very tired of infighting. I’ve been here for a while and I can tell when we’re being manipulated.

wetwareproblem

I either didn’t see or didn’t remember this addition until it popped up in my notes again, but thank you so much. This is an extremely solid, well-made point.

abnormal-as-expected

This shit is why I get straight people at work telling me I can’t describe myself as queer.

urbanprole

I was a queer kid. I fought for queer liberation in my 20s. I became a queer adult. I fight for queer liberation today.

The struggle never ended. If you feel like it has, you are one of the few and the fortunate. But unless you return to the struggle for the sake of the rest of us, they will circle back for you once they’ve finished with us.

Our only safety has always and forever been found in solidarity.

Queer Liberation is a fucking verb.

#queer