bisexual terminator this russian menace that his name is ilya and he has a tender heart
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@satoruphobe
bisexual terminator this russian menace that his name is ilya and he has a tender heart
living in the world where ilya and svetlana go on a zaney abortion road trip across the usa. and yes obviously she is pregnant by ilya. they discussed ilya throwing her down the stairs and also the effects of party drugs vis a vis abortion success before packing up his jag (with 21 miles of gas in it) and heading down the highway
it is CRUCIAL to me that svetlana is also an idiot. like they’re both incredibly smart and have stunning people skills and have drive and talent and shine like precious rare beetles to me obviously. but ilya is stupid as bricks and, as his lifelong best friend, i MUST conclude that svetlana is stupid in an identical way. All this to say i think they’re trying insane abortion home remedies they get from etsy witches ilya finds online when it’s svetlana’s turn to drive. and also from maureen the diner waitress who swears her aunt drank from a specific well and had a barren womb for the rest of her life.
they reminisce fondly about their route 66 abortion roadtrip in front of shane years later and he gets so jealous he has to leave to pace in the yard. it should have been HIM that got teenage pregnant and had to abort for his career while ilya supportively held his hand down a scenic highway at sunset! fuck!
One time in 2015 the boston team's plane was held up for like twenty minutes on the runway and Ilya's leg was bouncing the whole time.
And Marleau was like, "Seriously Roz, why do you get so worked up about Montreal? Is it Jane or Hollander?"
Ilya laughs for like, five minutes straight before saying, "It is both Marley."
Actually FUCK IT list of times Shane calls Ilya baby:
- Ilya gets a sunburn during the first cottage summer and neither of them realize it until Ilya is taking his shirt off that night and Shane sees the lobster-red flush across his shoulders. He sucks in a hiss through his teeth and says, "Oh, baby, ouch," and presses the big, broad pads of his fingertips so tenderly to Ilya's shoulder and Ilya has to close his eyes because he feels like he's going to crack apart.
- When he answers the phone and he's alone. "Hi baby," said so softly if it's been a long day. Or a hard one. Or if it's late. "Hey baby," more energetically, usually in the morning, in a way that reminds Ilya of how his teammates answer the phone to their girlfriends and wives. Masculine and jockish and very North American in a way that makes Ilya feel pleased for Shane, in a weird way.
- Glass on the floor in the kitchen. Ilya blindly following the sound of the shatter and not really even thinking about it until he's standing amongst the shards and Shane is gesturing frantically with the broom. "Put on some fucking shoes, baby, please! Fuck, where are your slides--no, don't move, I'll get them--"
- Said gently, as a question, on days when he perhaps stays in bed longer than can be justified by sleepiness.
- "Hey, baby," said some mornings when Ilya comes downstairs dressed for the day and Shane really likes his outfit. Usually an indication that Ilya will not be wearing those clothes for very long.
- In bed less often than you'd think. Really a vanilla sex only thing, because being called baby can sometimes bring Ilya out of it when he's really in the groove. But Shane will lose it a little sometimes, when Ilya says, "Tell me you like it," and Shane says, "Yes baby fuck fuck I like it fuck please don't stop fuck baby please let me cum" and that's. Very good. Obviously.
- Said with a very particular warning lilt and only AFTER Shane has already said, "Ilya." and then, "Rozanov." In the same tone. This is actually one of only two circumstances where the very elusive 'babe' comes into play. If Shane REALLY wants Ilya to stop whatever he's doing or saying, it's a hand around the wrist and the word, "Babe," quiet but firm. And it does shut Ilya up approximately 100% of the time.
- Other instance of 'babe': Any sort of crowd. 'Ilya' is three syllables (Because Shane...pronounces it a bit wrong.) and unique enough that Shane sometimes worries about drawing attention. 'Babe' is one syllable and can be barked above the crowd in the Captain Hollander voice loud enough that Ilya will have no choice but to hear him if he's within the surrounding 500 feet. They have Marco-Polo'd themselves back to each other with 'BABE' and 'SHANE' multiple times in multiple countries.
- One time someone accidently brings several bottles of fortified wine to the barbecue. It's quite high proof for wine and several people get tipsier than normal, including Shane. Halfway through the evening he puts his head on Ilya's shoulder and plays with his fingers and murmurs, "My baby," into the seam of his shirt and Ilya, looking down at him so fondly, says, "Yes. Yours. Drink some water for me, sweetheart."
- "YES BABY." Yelled directly in Ilya's face during goal cellies. Obviously. This is also the first thing Ilya hears when the ringing in his ears stops after he scores the game-winning goal in overtime in game seven of the Stanley Cup finals. Knees on the ice, sobbing, screaming, laughing, and his husband barrels towards him at damn near light speed, tackles him, skids onto his knees and sends them sliding along the ice together, knocks Ilya's helmet off and puts his hands on his face and yells Yes baby! Fuck yes, baby! We did it!
One thing I’ve seen happens in this fandom- and honestly sometimes in real life discussions about Hudson too- is that people end up flattening all POC experiences into one universal experience.
Race absolutely matters. Racism absolutely exists. But different racial groups are stereotyped in different ways, and those stereotypes can produce completely different social expectations.
For example, I’ve seen people criticize Rachel and Jacob for joking about Hudson being unintelligent because he’s a person of color. If Hudson were Black, I would understand that criticism more, because there is a long history of anti-Black stereotypes portraying Black people as unintelligent. But Hudson is Asian. Asian men are stereotyped in almost the opposite way. They’re often assumed to be intelligent, studious, and academically successful. The stereotype is still racist, but it’s a different stereotype. It doesn’t suddenly become an anti-Asian stereotype just because we’ve replaced “Asian” with the broader category of “POC.”
The same thing happens constantly in fanfiction with Shane.
A lot of writers portray Shane as being afraid to fight because he knows he’ll be judged more harshly than white players. I understand where that idea is coming from, but as a black person I’ve never found it particularly convincing.
If Shane were black, that analysis would make more sense to me. Black men are often stereotyped as aggressive, which means behavior that is considered acceptable from white athletes is often interpreted differently when black ones do it.
But asian men occupy a very different place in the racial imagination. They’re frequently stereotyped as passive, non-threatening, weak, nerdy, emasculated, etc. If racial stereotypes were influencing Shane’s approach to hockey, I could just as easily imagine the opposite dynamic: feeling pressure to prove he’s aggressive enough to belong. Maybe he’s fighting TOO much.
But that doesn’t make sense for Shane. He’s the league’s golden boy. He’s polite, media-friendly, and heavily inspired by Sidney Crosby. He’s a superstar. Fighting is often delegated to players lower on the depth chart whose role is specifically to provide physicality. Star players generally aren’t expected to be enforcers. Teams usually want their elite talent scoring goals, not sitting in the penalty box after dropping the gloves.
So Shane not fighting much doesn’t strike me as evidence of racial pressure. It strikes me as evidence that he’s Shane Hollander.
Crosby is a useful comparison here. For years, people mocked him for not being physical enough (and for talking to the refs too much). They questioned his toughness and masculinity. They called him “Crybaby Crosby” or “Cindy Crosby.” Fans edited photos of him in dresses or makeup. The criticism wasn’t really about hockey. The joke was that he wasn’t a “real man.”
And that’s a white player.
Imagine how much worse those conversations could become if the player in question were Asian.
That’s the kind of racial dynamic I could actually see affecting Shane, not him worrying about people thinking he’s too aggressive, but people questioning whether he’s aggressive ENOUGH.
There’s a good chance that if Shane fought exactly like many white players, he probably still wouldn’t be viewed as tough enough. Meanwhile, if a Black player fought exactly like those same white players, he might be interpreted as more aggressive.
People often criticize Rachel for not doing much racial analysis in the books. But sometimes fandom fills that gap with racial analysis that feels disconnected from both hockey culture and the specific stereotypes that affect different racial groups.
Not every POC experience is interchangeable.
A stereotype that affects Black athletes is not automatically a stereotype that affects Asian athletes. A stereotype that affects Latino athletes is not automatically a stereotype that affects Indigenous athletes.
If we’re going to talk about race- and we should- we have to talk about the actual racial dynamics at play, not just substitute “person of color” for a more specific analysis.
Sometimes no racial analysis is better than bad racial analysis.
“You killed me Hollander. I am dead”.
#happypridemonth
shane loves how deep ilya can get inside him with his cock. he loves when ilya is fucking him hard and fast but even more so when ilya is cumming because he snaps his hips up against shane's ass and keeps himself buried inside as he unloads into shane, and shane can feel the entire length of his cock occupying the space in his body. in addition to the feeling he loves visualising how deep ilya has gotten. if he could see into his body from the outside maybe ilya's cock would be buried halfway through his torso. spearing him like a thing. a toy. just a perfect glove for ilya's perfect dick.
does anyone know how to install mods off of nexusmods to paralives on mac?
shane loves how deep ilya can get inside him with his cock. he loves when ilya is fucking him hard and fast but even more so when ilya is cumming because he snaps his hips up against shane's ass and keeps himself buried inside as he unloads into shane, and shane can feel the entire length of his cock occupying the space in his body. in addition to the feeling he loves visualising how deep ilya has gotten. if he could see into his body from the outside maybe ilya's cock would be buried halfway through his torso. spearing him like a thing. a toy. just a perfect glove for ilya's perfect dick.
@bugslibraryy I got so hard so quickly I passed out
MyShane has a bit where if Ilya asks him to do a simple task he goes “fine, but you owe me 1,000 kisses” & Ilya starts peppering his face in smooches. Then once they have kids the bit extends further because Ilya will go “oh no, I don’t have that much. I must go to the kiss bank” & he’ll ask their kid to borrow 1,000 kisses for their dad. The smooch economy is in shambles because of them
ok connor stans assemble isn’t it just like the suffering of jesus christ how connor is giving one of the best performances in tv history and can’t ever get any awards for it because of nationalism capitalism borders and evil governments
@gofish05 Enormous brain thank you, I did need to make this its own post however because I do have thoughts about this, namely:
There is no universe in which Yuna Hollander has not, unfortunately, seen her son-in-law's dick.
Hollanov's sex life is extremely active. This is canonical. Even when they are Going Through It in TLG, they are having sex the entire time. I believe at one point Shane puts it in such a way to imply that they aren't talking except to argue but they ARE fucking. I have said before that I believe they would continue fucking even if they divorced. Knowing this, I believe that several things are true:
1. Yuna becomes slowly aware of just how horny her only child is. This is a fire that everyone must jump into, eventually, with their parents/adult children. After the frying pan of child rearing and childhood comes the flames of knowing each other as adults. For every moment sitting in the kitchen hearing the saddest words ever spoken come out like a confession from the mouth of your grown child (Yuna has many of these moments with both Shane and Ilya) there also comes a moment where you realize that your child is a sexual being. It's spiritual payback for when your child sat down one day after having The Talk and realized that you had to fuck to make them.
2. This is how Yuna, God BLESS her soul, finally figures out that despite loving him more than life itself, she HAS failed Shane in a number of ways, chief among them being that she has never given him enough privacy. And yes it IS seeing the fully erect penis of her son-in-law that does it for her. She has a moment soon after the Cottage when she has barged into Shane's house and she's just popping in! Just seeing how things are going! And at no point did she even think to make sure that it's not one of the few precious days that Ilya could make it up from Boston. She comes around the corner of the entryway and there in the kitchen in full daylight is her son bent over the kitchen table and yes, Ilya has put himself in front of him but Ilya is ALSO naked and--it's there. It's out. And Yuna immediately walks back out the door and crouches on the front porch and tries not to die of embarrassment. And when Shane opens the door to her, bright cherry red almost ten minutes later and not making eye contact, she at first wants to be mad. Because that's her son, and it's broad daylight, and the windows are open, and it seems disrespectful to Shane as a person to just DO THAT to him--
And then she realizes that A. She has no right to think like this because it is Shane's house and Shane's boyfriend and she has no real say over the way those two things combine and B. Shane is an adult. Shane, unfortunately (...fortunately? Yuna has always wanted her child to find love and be cherished) probably wanted EXACTLY what was happening.
These are things that Yuna needed to realize and she will recognize this. But it's suuuuper uncomfy when it happens. And it continues to be uncomfy for awhile! She apologizes to them and things are awkward with them (Moreso with Ilya than Shane, to be honest--the man really does look like he wants to be launched into space) but she's learned her lesson, at least somewhat. There are growing pains yet to come with this whole new dynamic, adding Ilya to the family and everything that comes with it. It's a trial by fire but flowers grow in its wake.
3. Yuna sits up in bed for several hours in the dark and then, very suddenly, turns on the light and leans over David and shakes him awake.
"David."
"Was' happ'nin?"
"David. I really am a little worried. I'm sorry, I just can't stop thinking--David, the--the size? And how often are they--is it healthy? Could it--"
"Yuna. Please go to sleep, hon."
"David--"
"He's an adult, Yuna. I'm sure they're careful. Please stop thinking about it. For all our sakes."
do you know how annoying it was to be a gay teen girl and be like i hate men and have all the other girls go yes ugh totally and then they turn around and start dating them. i don’t think you understand what i’m trying to say here. this isn’t a tee hee moment.
this post has me truly spiralling thinking about when hollanovs daughter is like. 13 and she’s had her first big Falling Out with her friends. they’re cheerleaders now, and she didn’t make the squad, and suddenly they’re treating her like dirt, and she’s crying on ilya’s shoulder like papa why don’t they like me :((( and shane has to Leave The Room for a second. because what an awful feeling that he’s so familiar with . and how dare some evil teenage girls make his daughter feel that way.
but then he remembers his parents on the ice with him. so he goes back into zhenya’s room and sits on her other side and puts his big arms around her and says you’ll find your people, sweetheart, I promise you will, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re perfect just the way you are. and she sniffles and says ugh you have to say that, you’re my dads!
and that just sets ilya off, because his father would never say something like that to him. and how wonderful, that his daughter thinks their worst crime could be being nice to her just on the basis of loving her? but he can’t be seen smiling, because the situation isn’t funny, and he will be sending a stern email to her homeroom teacher, so instead he just kisses her head and says listen to your dad, duckling, he is very smart.
Shane and his therapist, post breakdown, making a list of things Shane has wanted to do but thought was too gay. Shane sweating and nervous while Ilya helps him order a soy milk latte.
yes hockey IS that serious