Keni
will byers stan first human second
Claire Keane
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Mike Driver
d e v o n
Cosimo Galluzzi
No title available
Peter Solarz
todays bird
macklin celebrini has autism
Show & Tell
art blog(derogatory)

⁂
we're not kids anymore.
trying on a metaphor

titsay
AnasAbdin
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
cherry valley forever
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@scarlettroze
The most hilarious part of italians’ reaction to coronavirus/covid19 has been them stockpiling EVERY SINGLE type of pasta except the PENNE LISCE
which Italians couldn’t bring themselves to buy or eat even during a mass psychosis
The moment italians start buying penne lisce will be the moment we know our society has truly collapsed
Listen, if I'm gonna die, my last meal is NOT gonna be fucking penne lisce.
Someone explain please! I want to knowwww
Penne lische is smooth and doesn’t hold sauce the way penne rigate does
The grooves make more sauce adhere to it
wait that picture up there then ACTUALLY is of a smooth tube and not just. a bad picture? smooth penne exists? that's horrifying the ridges are the best part it's like eating a tiny accordion
And that is why it is an abomination.
Disgusting. Vile. I would die before eating that filth.
I have eaten penne lisce. Objectively the worst pasta. If you sneeze too hard in its general direction, any sauce on it will fly off. You can literally cook it in tomato sauce and it will still taste of nothing. Even if you stuff cheese inside it by hand, meticulously, individually, it will fall out. No friction on these fuckers. Bad pasta.
I love how this global situation has brought us to the absolute limits of our humanity in all ways.
Hey P.M. since when did you have a face????????
Since I was born
You were BORN!??!?!?!?!!?!?
I know right, so weird.
I love this so much, I’m gonna start saying “nuts” we need to bring it back
I love b&w proper ladies breaking character with “sonofabitch”
“OHH you’re following me, oUUhhh I didn’t know that!”
It brings me such joy that people seem to have always done the *sputters and blows raspberries like you’re having a stroke* thing when they stammer
God damn my soul 😂
Acting was always so real back then
I am living for this 😂😂
I heard that you may be s*icidal. I wanted to let you know that I am here for you if you need anyone to talk to and I will be your friend if you'd like >:3 I am not letting any of my mutuals be sad little beans, so just remember if you want to talk I'm always here for you 💗 keep going, you're doing an amazing job, and I'm proud of you
Eh, that was last night but thank you
Still >:3
hey do you still have that list of monkey transformation affirmations?
god i really wish i knew what you were talking about because this sounds incredible.
hey so wrong blog but I found it
the comments on any one of this person’s videos are incredible by the way. would highly recommend
oh its. SO much longer than that.
Affirmations:
I can shapeshift into a monkey. I can easily shapeshift into a monkey. I can instantly shapeshift into a monkey. I can safely shapeshift into a monkey. I can easily shapeshift into my original form. I can instantly shapeshift into my original form. I can safely shapeshift into my original form. I can change my DNA in an instant. I am always safe when shapeshifting. My body is always safe when shapeshifting. My mind is always safe when shapeshifting. I keep my human color vision in my monkey form. My body masks my monkey DNA. I appear completely human when in my human form. My body masks my human DNA when in my monkey form. My spirit masks my primate aura and primate energy signature when I will it. My body absorbs every nutrient from the food I eat. I have full control over all of my forms. I innately know how to shift. I have full control of my shifts. I can easily tap into my subconscious mind. Psychic attacks are near impossible to execute upon me. My third eye is open wide. My chakras are safely open, activated and rejuvenated. Meditation comes easily to me. I can see and sense within my mind with absolute vividness and clarity as if in real life. Hypnosis works very well on me. I can easily break out of hypnosis or mind control at any time. I have perfect balance on any surface. I lose any fear of heights. I lose all fear of heights. I lose any fear of darkness. I lose all fear of darkness. I lose any fear of the unknown. I lose all fear of the unknown. I know when I am in danger and what to do about it. I am brave, strong and resilient. I tap into dragon energy to make me a powerful shifter. I tap into centaur energy to make me intelligent and clever.. I tap into griffin energy to make me brave and resilient. I am incredibly intelligent. I am incredibly clever. I am a powerful shifter. I can shapeshift at any time. When I am fully grown, my aging slows down. My lifespan is safely increased. My monkey form ages as I do. My monkey form has the color and pattern I want it to have. My fur color in my monkey form is rich and deep. My hair color in my human form is rich and deep. My monkey form looks exactly like I want it to look. My monkey form is beautiful. My monkey form is extremely fast, strong, agile, and flexible. My human form is extremely fast, strong, agile, and flexible. My body is incredibly efficient in all forms to provide safe efficient transformation. I have boundless, resplendent energy. I can safely absorb and disperse massive amounts of kinetic energy. I land softly from falls of any height. I can easily cling to any surface. I get stronger every full moon. Moonlight calms and refreshes me. I am tireless. I can safely go days without sleep. Three hours of sleep is like a full night’s rest for me. My digestive system safely digests beneficial food and drink at supernatural speeds. My digestive system intelligently utilizes anything beneficial and safely discards anything harmful. My digestive system is perfect in health and function. My digestive system is supernaturally efficient and able to extract maximum nutrition. I have enhanced senses. I have perfect vision. I have perfect hearing. I have a perfect sense of smell. I can track anything by scent alone. I have an incredible sense of direction. I can sense magnetic fields. I can use magnetic fields to know exactly where I am at all times. I enjoy all food. My monkey form can safely withstand any temperature. My human form can safely withstand any temperature. I am comfortable in any temperature. My eye color is soft and stunning. I can make my eyes glow in the dark at will. I can see perfectly in any light level. I have perfect hearing. I safely and naturally repel biting insects. I safely and naturally repel stinging insects. My physical health is perfect. My mental health is perfect. I can heal any wound instantly at will. I can make wounds seal up in seconds. My body swiftly heals fatal wounds. I have a high pain tolerance. My body feels little pain because I can heal wounds instantly. I know when I am being hurt. I am meant to be a shapeshifter. I know that I am meant to be a shapeshifter. I know that I am a shapeshifter. I am immune to all forms of mind control. I am immune to all negative programming. I am the sovereign of myself. I have indomitable willpower. I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I have a natural connection to primates. I can easily communicate with any primate. I can use telepathy with any primate. I love primates. primates love me. I can shapeshift any part of my body into part of my monkey form. I can summon the tail of my monkey form while in my human form. I can easily and safely make sounds like a monkey in my human form. I have retractable fangs in my human form. I can summon my fangs at will. I can retract my fangs at will. When my fangs are retracted they are impossible to detect. My retractable fangs are the perfect size for my mouth. My fangs are exactly how I imagine them. I have retractable primate claws in my human form. When my claws are retracted they are impossible to detect. I can summon my claws at will. I can retract my claws at will. My retractable claws are exactly how I imagine them. I am a master of fighting with my claws. I am a master of all forms of fighting. I am a master of fighting in my monkey form. I know when to talk and when to fight. I have supernatural intelligence. I am a great problem solver. I have perfect memory. I can easily remember massive amounts of related and unrelated information. I am extremely stealthy. I can travel anywhere without being seen or heard…. I am a master survivalist. I can survive in the wilderness easily. I can go a long time without food or water. I can survive any situation. I am grateful for any animal that dies to sustain me. I am a master hunter. I can easily detect lies. I have perfect balance…. All my chakras safely open, unblock, rejuvenate and flow with boundless energy. I can shapeshift into a normal sized monkey at will…. I can shapeshift into a giant monkey at will…. My giant monkey form is as large as I want it to be…. I can shapeshift into an anthropomorphic, monkey…. My anthropomorphic, monkey form is the height I want it to be…. My anthropomorphic, monkey form has the same color and pattern of my normal monkey form…. My anthropomorphic, monkey form looks exactly how I want it to look…. I have a human mind in all of my forms…. I have full control in all of my forms…. I can hybridize my monkey form with any of my other forms…. Any clothes I am wearing vanish when I shapeshift into a full monkey…. Any clothes I am wearing when I shapeshift into a full monkey reappear on my body when I shapeshift into my original form…. I intuitively know if it is a bad idea to shapeshift…. I can sense other shapeshifters from miles away. I can see perfectly in pure darkness. I have a deep respect for nature. I have a deep respect for primates. I can speak human languages while in my monkey form. I can use any powers I have while in my monkey form. All fillings, crowns, and cavities in my teeth are replaced with healthy tooth material. My teeth are perfectly white and healthy. My immune system is incredibly strong and safely wipes out all disease and cancer cells. My body is always safely full of energy and at peak performance. My mind is free of all limiting beliefs preventing me from reaching my goals. My mind is powerful. All positive and beneficial affirmations program my subconscious instantly. Affirmations I desire program my subconscious instantly. Affirmations I approve of program my subconscious instantly. I safely take in and absorb all subliminals. I bypass negativity to create instant and infinite results. All results gained from this subliminal are permanent.
oh my god???
I can’t believe how long it took me to read that and completely comprehend this.
I can’t even begin to imagine how long it took to write all of this out.
There are only three days left…
I fear to what may be awaiting at the end of these three days
You’ll find out…
In three days
Well that was one way of saying "fuck you", now wasn't it?
@anomalous-heretic
For what reason is this moth called a milf?
Did someone say “Mothman, I’d like to fuck”
There are only three days left…
I fear to what may be awaiting at the end of these three days
Since Shrek is a fairytale parody it makes complete sense to have a villain who is literally a fairy godmother and the choice to make her manipulative and blackmailing with every gift of magic she preforms adds a layer of maturity of the series.
Fairy Godmother made it incredibly evident that the perfect fairytale endings were performative suburban wetdreams meant to bind people into a perfect image that needed her constant help to maintain. A perfect foil to a protagonist like Shrek who’s identity is being the ugly creature who shouldn’t have found happiness but did.
US Elevation.
by @cstats1
man the Appalachian mountains really aren’t shit huh
The Rockies are new, young and virile and fresh from the Laramide orogeny, tall and lanky teenagers on the geological scale. the Appalachian mountains are old, formed hundreds of millions of years ago before dinosaurs walked the Earth. They are ancients, elders, witnesses to half a billion years of life coming and going. To be tall is not a virtue. To be small is not a sin. The Appalachians are eroding under the weight of time, slowly shrinking and returning to the Earth from which they sprang. Appreciate them while they are still here.
I do want to say real quick again about the age of the Appalachians…
They said “before dinosaurs,” but we have a cave here that began forming between 450 million to 550 million years ago.
There are no bones in that cave. No fossils. No nothing.
That’s because this cave began forming before bones existed on land, and had only just started to exist in the ocean. Shellfish hadn’t evolved yet. Limestone, which forms many caves, was just starting to become a more prevalent rock.
The mountains aren’t older than dinosaurs. They are older than bones.
see that little lump up at the top of minnesota? the sawtooth mountains? so small most places would just call them hills?
those are over a billion years old.
that’s why they’re so small. they’re the last ancient remnants of a lava flow 5 miles thick. the lava didn’t kill any dinosaurs. or any fish. or any animals at all. because there were no animals. you know what there was?
algae.
those mountains were 5 miles tall when the most advanced life on earth was algae.
so i’m just gonna go ahead and keep calling them mountains, even though all you need to climb them is hiking shoes and a nice afternoon. because a place where you can crouch down and touch basalt that was lava before leaves were invented deserves some respect.
#just thought this was cool
open rp
*kisses*
WANNA SLAM SOME JAMS WITH ME, LITTLE FLUFF MAN?
yes!
HE SCORES
this is the first time I’ve seen one of these posts turn out in a positive way
Like I get that it's a dick move if it's not necessary. But if you break down in tears because you have to actually go to work you're a massive fucking pussy.
It's more like they were given a brief, happier, healthier alternative to being stuck inside a small space for 8 hours a day for a year and a half and going back to that is realizing how awful it really is.
Calling someone a "pussy" for breaking down in tears over being subjected to fresh, unreasonable misery is contributing to the problem of letting corporations dictate our lives and sounds a lot like deep throating the boot. (Aside from the casual misogyny of saying tears, Feeling Things, and apparently not wanting to go to work are feminine and not something a manly man would do).
Dude literally had a year of freedom. He could go outside, go to the park, stay home, just generally go where he pleased. Like a fucking adult who understood he had work to do, and obviously still got it all done because he hasn't been fired or "laid off". Now he's got a collar back on his neck and a chain keeping him at a desk between a set of beige walls and an equally boring ceiling, which was there before, but now he sees it for what it is. And why is it there? Because his boss has a deep insecurity about letting people work without oversight. Because his manager starts to look a little redundant if people can do their jobs without touching base, attending meetings, and generally doing stuff that makes said manager look like a Leader. Because there's people who think "this is the way my parents did it, and their parents did it, and presumably (but actually not) how their parents did it, so it's good enough for me and you, and let's have no more talk of this change nonsense".
This is why there's talk of a literal Great Resignation coming, as people who've come to appreciate their freedom give the bird to unreasonable bosses who want them back in an office. And other people who actually preferred the structure and routine of the desk look for another one when their own bosses decide to keep the work-from-home model coming. Covid has caused a cultural shift, and ridiculing our fellow man for wanting something better is the stupidest thing you can do.
The whole year proved that people still get enough work done without going in person and we know all that commuting is hell on the environment. There actually ought to be a push to “ban” physical office work; absolutely no business should be able to force you to go somewhere if your work can be done from anywhere at all.
I recently changed jobs. I'm in the same organisation but doing something different. We've all been working from home since last March, and in that time I've been using my 2 hour commute time to garden, cook, exercise and spend time with my husband. I realise it's not for everyone but I love working from home.
Shortly before I moved jobs, my old boss told us all:
'Okay, you need to be in the office at least 3 days a week'
'Why?'
'Because it's time to go back to the office'
'Why?'
'Because'
My new boss:
'Yeah, I don't care where you work, I trust you all to get the job done'
The one time the subject of returning to the office was raised, I said okay but I'll need a raise because commuting eats money and I won't be able to put in extra hours because commuting eats time.
Having the hiccups is how it feels to be poisoned in a video game
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Could I perhaps join your quest? I am a half-demon, though, I do hope that will not be an issue. I promise I can be of use to you!
But of course! we shall let you join us on our noble crusade
Yay! Thank you so much! I won't let you down!
@crusader-of-god1002 They did say that they were half-demon, or did you miss that part?
This implies that they are merely attempting to sneak closer to you so you may lower your guard, just to make it easier to assassinate you
A clever rouse, had I not seen through it
I promise you! I mean you all no harm! For I have been abandoned by someone who I once knew as my master, and up upon learning I was a half-demon, they left me behind with nowhere to go! I plead, I will only help you on your wondrous quest!
guad, why is one of your three primal fears whales?
so you know how millions of years ago life on this planet tended to be *enormous*? like, after dinos we got ridiculously massive mammals like the indricotherium:
and we got freakin giant apes
and giant fucking camels (Titanotylopus)
well naturally ancient ocean life was 1000x scarier. absolute nightmare fuel. it wasn’t enough that we got terrifying GIANT FUCKING MEGALODON SHARKS
no there was also bullshit like styxosaurus just running around. for NO REASON
look at this bullshit
even the fucking whales were terrifying. wtf Basilosauruses NO ONE asked for
oh wait don’t let me forget that even boring fucking FISH couldn’t be normal
unnecessary and unhelpful.
I hope i have made a point. the largest animals in the history of the world are now extinct and fuck you PETA i am GRATEFUL for that. i just, i have enough shit to deal with in the world as it is. i don’t think it’s fair to make me deal with that too, i really don’t. so good riddance.
Except. Blue. Whales.
did i say the largest animals in history? NOPE ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE THIS FUCKER
This Utter.
Blue.
Bastard.
Life on this planet is 4 billion years old and the relatively recent accursed Blue Whale is the largest animal to have existed in all that time. I hate and resent that, and this is why blue whales are tied with late-stage capitalism as one of my Top 3 All Time Fears. Good day to you.
EVERYTHING ELSE GOT SMALLER! EVERYTHING ELSE! NO MORE GIANT RODENTS, NO MORE BEAVERS THAT COULD SQUASH A PERSON WITH THEIR FOOT. NO MORE 3 TON SLOTHS. EVEN THE FUCKING SHARKS got smaller. But not the blue whales. NOT THE FUCKING BLUE WHALES
Ouch
Sounds like somebody got hit with @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses latest post…