Can give me some flowers
Pairing: Jackson!Joel Miller X F!Reader
Warning: Nothing's here ^^
Summary: Joel hesitates to give you flowers ^^
Jackson was having a good day. Of course, winter still reigned supreme, and the crops were constantly at risk, yet they managed to thrive. But now, as the sun beat down fiercely, the trees and plants were so green they seemed to burst with fertility; the breeze was mild, and the children ran about without needing to wear countless layers of clothing. The sounds of their laughter, the murmurs of the people, and the neighing of the horses echoed in Joel’s ears as he gazed at a flower garden as if he were having a serious conversation with them. They were beautiful, though he had never paid them much mind, but now, when he felt the need to see you smile, the flowers didn’t seem pretty enough.
He didn’t even know if he was supposed to do that—lovers usually gave gifts like that, even good friends. Did you even consider him your friend? He couldn’t tell, but he was sure you didn’t see him as one.
Annoyed, he looked away from the flowers, deciding to leave with a sigh. He felt normal, wearing a flannel shirt under a T-shirt; he hadn’t done that before. Very little time passed without him wearing his work clothes, stained with some kind of paint and cement. Joel avoided thinking about the past; although he had managed to make amends to some extent, it still hurt, and it never would stop.
His heart—God have mercy on him—began to beat strongly, just like when he had his attacks. This time it didn’t hurt, maybe a little, but it was welcome. When he looked into your eyes—the ones he’d been waiting to see all morning—he gave his first smile of the day.
“Good morning, Joel!” she said effusively, always so excited, especially at this time of year.
“Morning to ya, sugarcube,” Joel said softly, continuing to walk beside her. The conversation flowed, especially because Joel loved listening to you; he preferred it that way.
He thought to himself as he listened to you, “I could get used to this.” And without a doubt, he could. He often thought about it: what you’d be like as a more intimate part of his life, but he had you as a friend, at least. That should be enough.
“The weather’s nice…” Joel began his plan, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye; the back of his neck itched with anxiety. He was nervous, but it was too late to back out now.
“With all this nonsense, which one would you say is yer favorite flower?”
Pleased with himself as he saw you smile, he began to ramble about how you liked roses, but sunflowers were so cheerful, just as the lotus flower was resilient. Joel took note; he didn’t know what some of the ones you mentioned looked like, but surely some of them must grow right there in Jackson.
Weeks passed with Joel living in a mental battle. He found flowers all the time, but he never mustered the courage. That didn’t stop him from thinking about your expression if he gave you a bouquet with every type of flower you’d mentioned. Maybe a hug if he was lucky. A kiss if the gods took pity on him.
Joel felt disgusting just thinking about it; he had avoided reducing you to that, to something carnal, but may the gods forgive him—he was only human. It wasn’t always like that, though. He could count on the fingers of both hands the number of times he thought of you that way. On the other hand, the number of times he fantasized about just hugging you, holding your hand, loving you in an almost spiritual way... those were countless.
Even though he wasn’t able to court you in the traditional way, he made sure to take care of you. You weren’t foolish—on the contrary, you were strong, sensitive, and intelligent—but sometimes you got a little distracted, and small things slipped your mind. Your gloves, your scarf, a forgotten hair tie. He always found a way to provide them for you, whether with his own gloves or by sacrificing the skin on his wrist to the pressure caused by one of your hair ties. Yeah, he also carried a hair tie for you. He carried a bigger thermos of coffee on purpose, hoping you’d look at him with your beautiful eyes so he could give you some. You liked it bitter, but he knew there were days when you preferred it sweeter, so he carried a little packet of sugar, just in case.
There were days when he felt an even greater love for you, the kind where you feel an impulse, a need to show love. Joel often managed to suppress it, with a willpower so strong it was incredible. However, today he didn’t manage it; he didn’t know when or how, but in his hands was a messy bouquet.
He considered himself—or had considered himself—a romantic. He’d done it to win over Sarah’s mother decades ago; he’d prided himself on his Southern charm back then. But years had passed since then, he hadn’t felt the need to win anyone over, he wasn’t even sure he still had the touch.
Now he was standing there, sweating, his heart on the verge of racing while his mouth went dry.
“Joel, they’re beautiful… A bit of an unusual choice for a bouquet…” You smiled, you smiled, and that knocked him off his feet. He knew he didn’t stand a chance. He probably looked like a fool.
Joel hadn’t even thought about confessing his feelings, at least not in such a foolish way. He ran a hand through his beard, searching for the courage he’d lost. “They’re for ya… obviously…” he mumbled, looking down for a second, hating himself more than before. “it aint… it aint mean anything, though… Well… they do mean something since I brought them to ya, I mean, they don’t have to mean anything to you if… if ya.., uh… if you don’t want them to.”
Joel cleared his throat; he didn’t recognize his own voice.
“Well, I might give them the wrong meaning if you don’t tell me the real one.” He nodded, his mind racing. Was he really going to do it? Was he really going to confess his feelings?
No, of course not. He still wanted to maintain a shred of dignity
Joel laughed softly, shaking his head.
“I could build you your own garden if you wanted. So figure it out for yourself.”
Joel froze. He wished he could. He couldn’t figure out how—or, above all, why—he’d said such a thing. He didn’t want to look at you; he felt like he was going to throw up, and for a moment, he considered faking a heart attack just to get out of there.
His palms were sweaty; he felt like his whole body was.
But you knew what it was; Joel didn’t do these things just for the sake of it. Seeing him there, nervous and anxious, a far cry from the man everyone knew, made you feel things.
Joel didn’t want to speak, knowing he’d only make himself look even more ridiculous. When he saw you, he didn’t know what to do. You smiled at him—not a mocking or excited smile, just… gentle.
“I’m sorry…” he murmured, shaking his head. “I’d put it another way, but I’m stuck.”
He watched you approach him, hesitating to take his hand, and he noticed. Deciding to act like a man, he took the initiative to take your hand. Joel didn’t pull you toward him; he reached out for you. As he drew closer, he swore that, after Sarah’s birth, seeing you with the flowers he’d picked for you was the most precious sight he’d ever hold in his memory.
-I want... Jesus... I want to be with you. And if you don’t want it that way, I’ll make myself worthy of it." Joel spoke, his eyes locked on hers, terrified by his own courage but knowing you were worth it. "If you want a lover, a punching bag, a shoulder to cry on, an adventure... Whatever you want... I’m your man.
You couldn’t speak; his confession, though expected, made you shiver. Your shyness overwhelmed you, and you looked away with a loving giggle. “Shut up…”
Joel took it as a good sign, his nerves easing a little as he moved closer until even a whisper could be heard. The worst thing you could do was hit him for misinterpreting things.
"I'm confessing my eternal love to you, sugarcube..." he said softly, his nose brushing your hair, inhaling your scent as he sighed. "Cmon... give me those pretty eyes. Didn't I tell you I was a total romantic, huh?"
You laughed, barely looking up. “You’re ruining my flowers, Joel…” You blushed, huffing as he took the flowers from your hands and held them against his side. You looked at him; you remembered this moment—both of you did. Joel laughed softly as you brushed your nose against his. His heart, swollen with love and happy with what was happening, was pounding hard. It was almost surreal; if this were a dream, he’d gladly sleep forever.
“So...are you comin in or what…” you said with a little smile, trying to gently pull him inside the house. Joel snorted, teasing you a bit.
“We’re impatient, ain’t we?” His teasing made you roll your eyes, pulling away from him. You shrugged with feigned indifference.
“Well, whatever.” You turned to go back inside. Joel smiled, taking your wrist to turn you back toward him, trapping you in one arm while holding the flowers with the other.
“Who spoiled you so much, little princess?” Joel teased, pulling you close, tilting his head toward you. Even though you wanted to answer, you didn’t resist, smiling as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He pulled you inside as he sought your lips, meeting the same enthusiasm as he felt your smile return his kiss.
With his foot, he closed the door. In the privacy of your home, he allowed himself to show you just how much he had loved you.
