schmooblog

schmoo, she/her

[dogpuppy]

[freegiftjones]

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

[chicknparm]

[insomniac-arrest]

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

[insomniac-arrest]

Our age of plastics is collapsing

[insomniac-arrest]

Our age of information is collapsing! *remembers generative AI, nods to self* our age of information is collapsing.

[homunculus-argument]

fucking hate it when fruit flies come at your face like "I pray I won't be killed 🥺🥺 for the crime of being small 🥺🥺🥺" like motherfucker if you think I'd hesitate to kill something twice my size if it tried to get into my nostril

[urie]

our age of rivalry is heating

[apollos-boyfriend]

i hope people know that the “sad tomato cat” meme is a series of images that have a happy ending…… she is cared for and loved!!!!

[apollos-boyfriend]

to be loved is to be changed………

[hutsonwoolyums]

Can I say something

[hutsonwoolyums]

The word Ottawa looks like a caterpillar

[turtles-allthewaydown]

Did you know? That the back is made up of terrible and evil muscles that are only waiting for their chance to betray you

[grrl-beetle]

Thorben Danke

[dragongirlsweetie]

hour 1 of shift: i love helping people and making people happy yay yay yay later today i am gonna go home and have fun and eat a tasty meal and work on my projects and

hour 6: if youu go to the store and buy groceriers you are a piece of shit

hour 8: if i wad 1 apples tall i could live off of one apple for a week... oh but it would rot away... no.... i hate the rot i hate the apple

[captmelbourne]

touch water (touch grass for people who like swimming)

[rockabillywife]

Looking at reviews for a book on bird migration ?

[the-quasar-hero]

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

[babehog]

The thing is sometimes you really do have to chuckle darkly

[dontbelasagnax]

Mentioned to my mom I'm asexual a couple months ago and today.... we got into the car and she hit me with, "So you use they/them pronouns now?"

I went, "What. no. she/her."

"How does that work? With she/her/hers and they/them?"

I stared at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Well you came out as-" and I said, "I'm asexual."

She replied, "Like an amoeba, I know."

"Oh. My god. No. Mom. It doesn't- it's not the asexual you learned about in biology. I didn't come out as a single celled organism."

With heavy relief, she said "Oh, it has a different meaning?"

"Yes, mom."

[savetheworldkissaplushie]

[mn72r]

[wallofgoats]

me putting the little tag back on the bread bag

[aleshakills]

Is there a word for occupying the space where normies think you're a freak and freaks think you're a normie?

[aleshakills]

I tell a woman with a 9 to 5 office job about the slightly niche speculative fiction novel I just finished and she goes "Oh, that's...interesting. I hadn't heard of that."

I tell a grungy chick I met at a dive bar about the same book and she kinda scoffs and goes "Okay" like I said my favorite show is Sesame Street