lyrics that only a tortured poet could write
i am someone who until recent events you shared your secrets with // and your location, you forgot to turn it off // and so i watch as you walk
i move through the world with a heart broken // my longing state unspoken // and i may never open up the way i did for you
you said i needed a brave man // then proceeded to play him // until i believed it too
was it hazing for a cruel fraternity? // i pledged and i still mean it
now i wanna sell my house and set fire to all my clothes // and hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons // even if i die screaming // and i hope you hear it
i hear the whispers in your eyes // i'll make you wanna think twice // you'll find that you were never not mine
pick your poison, babe, i'm poison either way
even if it's handcuffed, i'm leavin' here with you
wise men once said // "wild winds are death to the candle"
cross your thoughtless heart // only liquor anoints you // she's the albatross // she is here to destroy you
wise men once said // "one bad seed kills the garden" // "one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen" // locked me up in towers // but i'd visit in your dreams
and when that sky rains fire on you // and you're persona non grata // i'll tell you how i've been there too // and that none of it matters
wise men once read fake news // and they believed it
spread my wings like a parachute // i'm the albatross // i swept in at the rescue
if you wanna break my cold, cold heart // just say, "i loved you the way that you were"
i changed into goddesses, villains and fools // changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules
down that passage in time back to the moment // i crashed into you, like so many wrecks do // too impaired by my youth to know what to do
could it be enough to just float in your orbit? // can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses?
we hereby conduct this post-mortem
and so a touch that was my birthright became foreign
come one, come all // it's happening again
we learn the right steps to different dances
lost the game of chance, what are the chances?
guess who we ran into at the shops? walking in circles like she was lost // didn't you hear? they called it all off // one gasp and then: how did it end?
say it once again with feeling // how the death rattle breathing // silenced as the soul was leaving // the deflation of our dreaming // leaving me bereft and reeling // my beloved ghost and me // sitting in a tree // D-Y-I-N-G
i can't pretend like i understand ... i still don't know // how did it end?
i feel so high school every time i look at you // i wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you
i'll drink what you think and I'm high // from smokin' your jokes all damn night // the brink of a wrinkle in time // bittersweet sixteen suddenly
are you gonna marry, kiss or kill me? // it's just a game, but really // i'm bettin' on all three for us two
i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind // people need a key to get to, the only one is mine // i read about it in a book when i was a precocious child // no mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears // i'm there most of the year 'cause i hate it here
i hate it here so i will go to lunar valleys in my mind // when they found a better planet, only the gentle survived // i dreamed about it in the dark, the night I felt like i might die
i'm lonely, but i'm good // i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine // i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and i'll get lost on purpose // this place made me feel worthless // lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me // and in my fantasies, i rise above it
everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman // but she used to say she wished that you were dead
i wrote a thousand songs that you find uncool // i built a legacy that you can't undo // but when i count the scars, there's a moment of truth // that there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you
and maybe you've reframed it // and in your mind, you never beat my spirit black and blue // i don't think you've changed much
a feather taken by the wind blowing // i'm afflicted by the not knowing
i look in people's windows // transfixed by rose golden glows
does it feel alright to not know me? // i'm addicted to the "if only"
i guess a lesser woman would've lost hope // a greater woman wouldn't beg // but i looked to the sky and said please
cards on thе table // mine play out like fools in a fable // oh, it was sinking in // slow is the quicksand // poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand
and i sound like an infant // feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen // a greater woman stays cool // but i howl like a wolf at the moon // and i look unstable // gathered with a coven 'round a sorceress' table // a greater woman has faith // but even statues crumble if they're made to wait // i'm so afraid i sealed my fate // no sign of soulmates // i'm just a paperweight in shades of greige // spending my last coin so someone will tell me it'll be okay
when the first stone's thrown, there's screamin' // in the streets, there's a raging riot // when it's "burn the bitch," they're shrieking // when the truth comes out, it's quiet
i was in my tower weaving nightmares // twisting all my smiles into snarls // they say, "what doesn't kill you makes you aware" // what happens if it becomes who you are?
they knew, they knew, they knew the whole time // that i was onto somethin' // the family, the pure greed, the Christian chorus line // they all said nothin' // blood's thick, but nothin' like a payroll // bet they never spared a prayer for my soul // you can mark my words that i said it first // in a mourning warning, no one heard
said you were gonna grow up // then you were gonna come find me // words from the mouths of babes // promises oceans deep// but never to keep
are you still a mind reader? // a natural scene stealer? // i've heard great things, Peter // but life was always easier on you than it was on me
we both did the best we could do // underneath the same moon // in different galaxies
and i won't confess that i waited, but i let the lamp burn
love's never lost when perspective is earned
forgive me, Peter, please know that i tried // to hold onto the days when you were mine // but the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light
and i can confirm she made // a curious child, ever reviled // by everyone except her own father // with a quite bewitching face // splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless // excellent fun 'til you get to know her
but as she was leaving it felt like breathing ... as she was leaving it felt like freedom
all her fuckin' lives flashed before her eyes // it feels like the time she fell through the ice then came out alive
and at first blush, this is fate // when it's all roses, portrait pose // Central Park Lake in tiny rowboats // what a charming Saturday // that's when she sees the littlest leaks down in the floorboards // and she just knows she must bolt
buried down deep // and out of your reach // the secret we all vowed // to keep it from you in sweetness
you got the dragonflies above your bed // you have a favorite spot on the swing set // you have no room in your dreams for regrets // (you have no idea) // the time will arrive for the cruel and the mean // you'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline // but now we'll curtail your curiosity
i'm not a donor but i'd give you my heart if you needed it
and the years passed like scenes of a show // the professor said to write what you know // lookin' backwards might be the only way to move forward // then the actors were hitting their marks // and the slow dance was alight with the sparks // and the tears fell // in synchronicity with the score // and at last // she knew what the agony had been for
now and then i reread the manuscript // but the story isn't mine anymore
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