first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more or the masterlist so kindly put together by @tafkarfanfic.
and with this snippet the story is officially over! i might add to this AU later (if you want to know when i do, you can follow either the masterlist or my pinned post) but for now i'm gonna take a little break from it. HUGE thank you to everyone who read along and left me such lovely and encouraging replies and asks. you guys are the best <333 and a special thank you to @quillquiver for talking through some ideas with me and to @tafkarfanfic for managing the masterlist <3
July 2015
Shane is quiet on the ride home. He doesn't ask for the keys to the car back so Ilya drives, relieved at having something useful to do.
The silence is a little concerning. Ilya is starting to think maybe knocking on the door before the twenty minutes were up was a mistake. Shane did explicitly ask him to wait.
He'd just been so worried, stomach twisting into knots as he pictured all the ways Brian could be trying to win Shane back, or all the things he might be saying to hurt him. It hadn't sat right with Ilya in the first place, letting Shane go up there alone, even though rationally Ilya had no business going with him.
At least Shane is letting him stick around now. Ilya keeps waiting to be sent away, for Shane to ask for some privacy, but he says nothing as Ilya follows him up to his apartment.
Once they're alone and the door is locked behind them, Shane turns around and collapses against Ilya.
Ilya wraps his arms around him instinctively, heart jumping when Shane burrows his face in the crook of his neck.
"It's done," Ilya says, because he isn't sure if he can tell Shane it's okay yet. He strokes his back, feels the tension slowly draining out of Shane's body. "You did it. You were perfect."
Shane laughs shakily, breath warm and damp against Ilya's skin. "Was I? I felt kind of pathetic."
"No," Ilya protests immediately. "You were brave."
"Shut up."
"You were."
Shane pulls back, just enough to look Ilya in the eye. He looks away quickly, a habit Ilya has tried and failed not to find endearing.
"What now?"
Ilya hesitates. He wants to stay, to hold Shane until today (until every single moment he spent with Brian) is a distant memory, no longer capable of hurting him. He also wants to fall into bed together, because there is at all time at least a little part of him that wants to be fucking Shane Hollander.
But maybe that isn't what Shane needs. Maybe he needs this time alone, to think and to figure out for himself what he wants.
"Is up to you," Ilya says, unable to hold back a smile at the way Shane's lips twist in distaste at the idea of being in charge.
"I don't know." Shane sighs. "It's probably a bad idea, but I kind of just want you to fuck me until I stop thinking so much."
It's definitely a bad idea. But what about them isn't?
"I can do that."
They fuck twice.
After the first round, Shane cries.
It starts with tears slipping silently down his cheeks. Ilya reaches to brush them away and Shane makes a wounded noise, flinching back. Still, he doesn't protest when Ilya wraps an arm around his shoulder, tucking him in close to his chest. Doesn't say anything except a shaky "Sorry", in between shuddering breaths.
Ilya has no idea what he's doing, if he's helping Shane or hurting him. He just knows that thinking about Shane breaking apart like this alone, crying into a cold pillow instead of wetting Ilya's collarbone with his tears, feels like dying.
After a while Shane's breathing steadies.
"Sorry," he says again, voice hoarse.
And before Ilya can tell him not to worry about it, Shane grabs his face and pulls him in for a kiss. It's wet with tears, shallow and messy and perfect.
The second round is slow. Shane wraps his legs around Ilya's waist, keeps them locked like he's afraid Ilya will disappear if he lets go. Ilya thrusts into him in short, deep movements, grinding more than fucking, hand tucked in the tight space between them and wrapped around Shane's weeping cock.
Shane comes first, nails digging into Ilya's back and hole clenching around him, moaning Ilya's name. Ilya follows helplessly, biting down on his tongue to keep from blurting out any ill-advised confessions.
As he moves to pull out Shane locks his legs around him tighter, keeping him still. Ilya takes the permission to collapse on top of him, head tucked against Shane's shoulder.
For a while, they just breathe together.
Then Shane sighs. "Rose would be disappointed in me."
"Hm?"
"The girl I talked to the other day," Shane says. "The one who helped me figure out my shit with Brian."
Ilya's hand twitches, grip tightening around Shane's waist possessively. He definitely doesn't like hearing that name while he's still buried deep in Shane's ass.
"She told me I should stay single for a while," Shane continues. "Which was probably good advice."
"Probably, yes," Ilya admits. He raises his head, catching Shane's eyes. "Is that what you want?"
"No, not really."
Ilya's heart soars. "No?"
"I want to be with you," Shane says, clear and to the point. Fearless, despite everything. "I like you. Probably more than I should."
"I like you, too." Then, much as it kills him, because one of them has to say it, "It will be complicated."
Shane swallows. "I know."
Ilya cups his cheek, thumb brushing across a dried tear track. His chest feels full, heart straining against his rib cage like it could burst it open. He doesn't understand how Shane could have gone through all that he did and still look at him like this, so open and trusting.
Ilya loves him. His Shane, his brave, beautiful boy.
"We will figure it out."
Shane kisses him, feather soft. There's something coy in his expression when he pulls back, a glimpse of uncertainty. "We could - I have this cottage. We could got there, be alone there to figure things out together. If you want."
Ilya's heart jumps. "I want. Today?"
"If you don't have someplace else to be."
Ilya doesn't, not after clearing his schedule to make it to Montreal. Even if he hadn't, he'd move heaven and earth to do it now. He tells Shane this and Shane smiles, bright like the sun.
"We could have a week," Shane says. "Maybe two, if you won't be sick of me yet."
"Never," Ilya says with absolute certainty. "I could never be sick of you."
Shane's smile dims. It's clear he doesn't really believe him.
That's fine. Ilya will keep showing him until he does.
sometimes when I hear the question ‘do you prefer shane or ilya’ I feel like I’m meeting king Solomon and he’s asking if I’m cool with cutting the baby in half
I cannot stress enough that this meme is entirely literal. there's no reference or subtext you don't know. these are simply the objectively most popular works of art from each denomination.
i know david hollander loves telling his colleagues that he’s meeting his son in law for lunch i know he loves getting a white americano and hanging out with his sons husband ilya
pixelskylines
areudirty
gracieabrams
yousharknotpass
romaincrisis
2087
germansingergirl
