This Blog Is Not Funny

If this blog makes at least one person smile today, then my job here is done and the world is a little more joyous!

[bakedlilbae]

when u forget to pass the blunt

[dumbbadger]

I miss the clear electronics trend

[paper-mario-wiki]

when im disassociating and somebody asks how im doing

[mezzodical]

one round/action in D&D is 6 seconds so anything you could accomplish during a vine you could do during your turn

[theorynoodle]

Rogue: “I’m back at it again at Krispy Kreme.”

DM: “Roll an acrobatics check.”

[lovelylovelyartist]

Fighter: I want to see my little boy

DM: roll a perception check

*nat 20*

DM: here he comes

[z-nogyrop]

bard: toss me my keys

*rolls a 1*

DM: i thought you said printer

[spiritednug]

Fairy: I still haven’t found my berries

DM: roll a perception check

*rolls a 9*

Fairy: BUT! *holds up an orange* I found this.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Druid: I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand.

DM: Roll an intimidation check.

*nat 20*

DM: Poseidon quivers before him!

Druid: Fuck off!

[redwoodriver-deactivated2018042]

Dm: can you read this for us?

Fighter: rolls a nat 1

Fighter: what up im Jared im 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read

[coolsaddad-blog]

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

[feels-for-the-fictional]

I have been waiting for this post all my life.

[marzipanandminutiae]

They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.

Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.

So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?

[ineptshieldmaid]

My friend you’re not wrong About Homer’s wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency;

Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You’ve given short shrift.

The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold.

By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree

Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved

For only the emperor!

The word ‘purple’, for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century

.

Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long

Is almost magenta; More red than blue. The concept of purple is old, and yet new.

The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue

.

[squeeful]

While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.

But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

[young-il-long-kiyoshi]

IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER.

[farrentalon]

My reaction, only with coffee.

[thetiredpianist]

Hang on, need to send this to my literature prof

[spazzdhn]

[frogkenny]

I FOUND IT GUYS I SPENT HALF AN HOUR LOOKING FOR THIS VIDEO AND ITS HERE

[tristikov]

Always reblog peent.

[videodromefag]

*before clicking play*: IS THIS WHAT i THINK IT IS???

*clicks play*: IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[rgr-pop]

omg!! omg

[ladimcbeth]

Forever reblog.

[thegreenwolf]

Heaven let your eent shine down.

[redditfront]

[adultlikers]

[porksweats]

e me a mail

[fortooate]

make the attachment a pic of a snail

[thatsthat24]

Netflix Prompts 📺

[pantton-sandacers]

TV:”Are you still watching?”

Thomas:”Yes!”

TV:”This movie’s incredibly scary, do you want a funny television show to immediately follow this so you can fall asleep with untroubled dreams?”

Thomas:”Yes.”

TV:”Do you wish to skip the series finale of your favorite TV show and start back over at episode one, saving you the emotional grief?”

Thomas:*emotionally*”Yes please.”

TV:”Are you newly single?”

Thomas:”Yes?”

TV:”Do you wish to reset your password so your ex doesn’t have it?”

Thomas:”Oh, yes.”

[littlemisslez]

RIP Vine †

[stagehaand]

[jimmylanger-deactivated20171009]

WHO COMES UP WITH THESE

[ask-20thesassyslendy-blog]

I JUST SCREAMED

[sarahbrightmaniac]

What in the world…?

[tastefullyoffensive]

[newjaxxcity]

i hate each one of these kids individually and in alphabetical order.

[gabrieldreyfuss]

Awesome! They released the poster for the next Star Wars!

[ithelpstodream]

Whoa We’re Halfway There puns are the best. 😂

[oatmeal]

When cats are sad.

[prozdvoices]

View this post on Instagram

father tries to connect with his nerdy son

[mirkokosmos]

[aus10england]

unmute this for the love of god