Fire, Walk With Me

Shae

[k-eke]

Bear vibing in a river ⊂(￣(ｴ)￣)⊃

[boarboy-old-blog]

[fanfictionimg]

President Goku slams his fist on his desk and screams into his phone. “I dont give a hot gay fuck what congress says! Legalize weed, dude!”

[crabussy]

some of you are my very favourite followers and you don't even know it #myspecialsecretfavouritefollowers

[whoiscallingme]

[dragongirlsweetie]

i just got shot with a puppy rifle but it didnt hurt me because im not a puppy

[aceynk]

me i just got shot by an elephant gun but im not even an elephant so im ok

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

i just got shot with a 9mm handgun but i'm ok because i am taller than 9mm

[kunosoura]

hi! I'm a 9mm tall puppyphant and i'm excited to be here!

[charl0ttan]

getting a jobjob from a water cooler with big pronouns

[anywhoozles]

[moviequotes3]

the logic of this is making me laugh a lot 

[beingharsh]

high as fuck lowballing never worn baby shoe listings

[angelicguy]

Almost puked laughing last night at how hard he was using the can opener

[melodyburst]

[katlovesshrimps]

scoobin and garfin

[cookietastic]

I love Joey asking Yugi why he keeps losing and Yugi wanting to be helpful is like let me see/I can give you tip s but upon looking at it is like going through the 5 stages of grief

[cookietastic]

[lesvegas]

passing in public makes me feel like white shrek

[lesvegas]

literally how it feels

[welpnotagain]

[digitalhitchhiker]

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard