Mightylez Duckies Rants @shamelessnightpeach - Tumblr Blog

Grief

Grief has lowered the fucks I give in my day and increased my kindness and empathy to a level that I feel I need to become a hermit to keep my peace, the world is heartless and cruel. Everyone seems fixated on themselves and the most insignificant things, while our world is slowly being destroyed no one care, I grieve for a world were people are a little kinder a little more gentle.

#grief #borderline personality disorder

Grief

As I reflect on the last 40 years of my life which is a such a bizarre thing to think, I survived I did it, the statistics say I shouldn't be but here I am in tears but plugging on, life is so beautiful painfully beautiful.

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"Don’t let your loyalty become slavery. If they don’t appreciate what you bring to the table then let them eat alone." - Unknown

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"There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they’ve tried and found no one who cares." - Richelle E. Goodrich

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Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.