something something Shane feeling unimaginable guilt for keeping Ilya in the closet (and by extension keeping him isolated and alone in his experience) something something Shane trying to hide his discomfort and anger towards Troy because of this guilt (because it’s only fair the Ilya gets to keep this one thing after everything he’s given up for Shane, because Shane’s not a girl and he’s not easy and he couldn’t leave well enough alone)
something something Shane thinking he’s so slick bc he doesnt let the tears fall when Troy hugs Ilya or skates too close to Shane or goes for a fist bump after a well timed pass (and that means no one will Know right? No one can tell if the tears aren’t on his face).
Something something by the 5th practice like this Ilya can tell somethings wrong, really wrong because Shane keeps pulling at his eyelids and blinking hard into his stall, fingers coming away with eyelashes that he doesn’t even bother to make a wish on. Ilya watched Shane sleep that night, this person he knows so well, and tries to reason with himself (bc he just needs more time, Shane’s been through so much of course the adjustments hard, the centaurs are so different from what he’s used to, Ilya’s had time for them to go from team mates to friends to family, Shane just needs more time right?)
Something something by the 10th practice Captain Rozanov has had enough and pulls his second line center and asked him to kindly tell him what the fuck is up and Shane hits him with the PR smile and a wet waterline and pinch to his eye lid that delicately peels away even more of those eyelashes that Ilya loves so much.
(It’s not that Shane doesn’t know what’s going on. he does. If he could beat the shit out of Troy, out of Dallas, out of metros, out of the fucking world he would but. He can’t. He’s Shane Hollander. He’s a role model. He’s making up for lost time. He’s thanking god every day that his fear didn’t isolate Ilya so badly that he lost him. He’s thanking his lucky stars that he gets this life and he’s watching Troy’s every move wearily and he’s losing eyelashes and he read that they don’t grow back so what happens when they’re all gone, will Ilya still love him the same? something something something it’s always something with Shane and he just wants things to be easy for Ilya just this once—)
Ilya watches him skate away with a frown.
(Don’t worry a few weeks later Troy makes a dumb joke about how he can’t believe Shane forgave him for the shit he used to pull with Dallas and Shane ha has his way thru it but Ilya’s eye twitches and the puzzle pieces start to fall into place. Eventually he makes Troy skate until he pukes. Eventually Shane’s eyelashes grow back, full and dark and lovely)
