Shattered_Vocal

[shatteredvocal]

My Siren does not sing; it whispers tales of dusty sun-kissed innocence in the twilight of tired days. They whisper tales of phantom embraces, gently reminiscing of morning breath, lips leaving freckles of adoration in the secret places. They speak of tired walls and bare feet in well-walked halls. Roasted beans and early dreams lay in hands memorized by ambling, entangling fingers and pining palms. She does not draw me to sharp rocks and shorelines but whirlpools of disillusionment, crashing waves of solitude against the hull of my saltwater sick mind. The waterlogged ship leaks through its eyes as it wakes, finding the deck barren and the quarters dusty and cobweb-thick.

[shatteredvocal]

I still remember the first time we kissed years ago. The moment your nicotine stained lips met mine my whole body was alight and I thought "I could get addicted to this" and I dont like the taste of cigarettes

Now, as we dust off our friendship and rekindle this closeness years after it was put up on its shelf. Laying here in the early hours of the morning long after both of our kids have gone to bed a quiet whisper nearly echoes in my head; "Your smile is just as delightful" I wonder if I still hate the taste of cigarettes and if maybe I'm going through withdrawals

[shatteredvocal]

Nothing quite hits like the neurodivergent experience of finding out that people you thought were either your friends or neutral around hate you or got beef with you. Like not even secretly.

Ya go to work, ya got coworkers, you befriend a few maybe but keep your distance mostly, don't talk unless ya gotta, work on your own without stepping into other's lanes, choose not to engage in their group conversations cause ya know they'll take it wrong, but slowly over time you vibe with them, put your toe in the water, engage with them, laugh with them, match their sarcasm and jokes and puns talk about your interests and learn about theirs and then right when you feel like you might actually have a good work environment with folks you vibe with, it crashes down again.

Quarterly reviews that are glowing in every area but you gotta "stop beefing and fighting your coworkers" "your facial expressions give you away, dial it back" and you're just sitting there like "oh gotta put back on my mask ig"

And suddenly you're sitting there again, in the inescapable bubble of isolation and connection starvation knowing you'll never be accepted as you are and must ALWAYS. ALWAYS change yourself, conform, for the comfort of others.

[shatteredvocal]

Things that have happened over the last 2 days:

* 2 of my long distance partners randomly blocked me after I tried to ask if we were still on for me visiting for Christmas. (I'm poly with a few partners)

• the driver's side window of my car rolled down and wouldnt go back up

• the seatbelt of the drivers side got jammed and now can't be worn

• while trying to pull the window back up on my own to keep the car from getting soaked in the rain the battery fried and died.

• after replacing the battery, and driving to a shop to have someone help get my window up, getting it up broke a cord or something, causing the overhead light to permanently stay on.. we pulled the fuse to keep it off for a later fix..

• after getting that done I drove to the car to get an oil change it needed and avoided a SPLIT second collision, by pure luck and the most clenched ass cheeks known to man

• getting to the oil change. We learned they won't service it, cause something happened to the main gasket or whatever causing major damage and making the car a time bomb till it's a dud. Costing thousands of dollars to repair-

• after getting home one of the partners unblocked me and I learned that they'd been cheating on me the ENTIRE time. And broke up with me to be with the other person

• after that and having a huge panic attack, I reached out to my other partners for reassurance they left me on read...

• the next morning I learn one of them tried to off themselves leading to memory loss, where the only thing the partner remembers is they love me...

Should I write fanfiction?

[homunculus-argument]

If a fantasy story has to have black and white morality and the plot is all about how ~the balance between good and evil~ has been disrupted, why is it always "evil started taking over completely unprompted due to being evil" that tips the scales?

Why not make it a matter of "things were so good for so long that we thought that we could totally get rid of this small necessary evil in order to make the world perfect, because we forgot why it was necessary in the first place. So we fucked with the balance so now things have gone all fuckshit because we thought we were so smart."

No wait actually, I got a better idea: A story that starts out seeming like it's the first option, but halfway through the story the protagonist finds out that the wise wizard who sent them on this quest To Restore The Balance Of Good And Evil was the person who fucked it up in the first place, and never told you because he was hoping that nobody would find out whose fault this whole thing was all along.

[shatteredvocal]

I swear it's some sick joke that I can only see myself in my body at 4am after being depressed and pulling a triple shift

[cubesandstuff]

DAILY AFFIRMATIONS

• I WILL TAKE MY ADHD MEDICATION

• I WILL BRUSH MY TEETH

• I WILL LEARN WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AFFIRMATIONS AND A TO-DO LIST IS

[shatteredvocal]

Job so fucked you gotta low key actually poison yourself before work JUST enough to have a anaphylaxis reaction an hour or two into yours shift but not too much so you stay lucid and can go to your doctors appointment they denied you for a month in advance.

[shatteredvocal]

Sometimes the one eyed one horned flying purple people eater just wants attention guys it's not that weird.

[shatteredvocal]

You know how it is, one day you're teaching your daughter how to teleport properly so they don't end up on the moon... Again. And the next, you're fighting an interdimensional war against your Father in law who seems to think fucking up your relationship with your wives and kids is the best way to end it :/

[ontologicalmoki]

listen I am all for fidget toys. But we need to go harder. Humans were actually not meant to sit through lectures without using their hands. Fight against the robotification of humanity. Do fibercrafts in your office/classroom/church. You do not need to sit there like the impassable ideal man. Do fibercrafts. Start embroidering at work. Listen to the call of the strings.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

logging into tumblr.com really is our daily dose of recess huh. i take a stroll down my dash and people are playing make-believe with cursed amulets, pondering their orbs, playing with jpegs like dolls. some of us are pretending to be wizards and villains and evil advisors and blob monsters (my preference). there's always a group playing Animals (wolf is very popular). the main topic of conversation is tv shows and cartoon characters, which we enjoy arguing about. recently there's been a juggling craze

[one-time-i-dreamt]

The main USA currency was cheese after eggs broke the economy.

[not-mary-sue]

Apollo is side eyeing this one

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[shatteredvocal]

Springfield MO be rich

[shatteredvocal]

I get you don't want me to say it anymore and that will have to be alright, but

What if I told you that I love you in the middle of the night

What if I told you that I love you In the way I kissed your skin

With every breath and every bite

Every hickey and gentle grin

The way my hands cradle yours and your eyes match mine

As we dance our dance in the middle of the night.

I won't tell you that I love you every time I crave to

The words on my lips like an obvious missed cue

Instead I'll tell you that I love you in the middle of the night

The ghost of our love ain't quite an awful fright

It's a soft reprieve from the tossing and turning

My pillow wet and heart left burning

I long for your smile and the way you laugh

But that my old lover is a song of the past

I miss when my tongue was left unbound

When my love would flow and not resound

In my cold bed, heart tired and tight

As I long for my friend in the middle of the night.

[shatteredvocal]

Everyone knows the story of the ship of Theseus. A ship that over the course of its voyage rots or suffers damage that needs to be replaced. The question is posed once all the pieces are replaced is it still the same ship.. it's a great thing to think about.

But people I think get in this habit of believing they are that ship and wonder if over the course of their lives as they get hurt and heal and replace bits of themselves with newer ones.. if they are the same ship.. the same person.

It's a silly thought because you were never the ship but the water it journeyed on. So many changing waters with new and old ships floating on it. And no matter how many ships are replaced and no matter how the currents shift you are still you, your waters are in constant movement and that's ok. Be like the ocean unapologetically yourself. And remember even if you see yourself as broken or in need of repair or you wake up in the morning and no longer recognize the face in the mirror that you are still you and youre beautiful

[shatteredvocal]

I am a golem, crafted of clay and made only for him. His hands fit perfectly on my waist his lips fill every crack in mine as if the gods crafted me with methodical care to be held in his strong comforting arms. When we kiss and share breath it's as the breath of life that is essential for all golems.

[shatteredvocal]

I put the panic back into gay panic