Carpe Jugulum

23. Registared Veterinary Nurse. 🐶😺 Welcome, I am a mess

[otakusapien]

vampires being the lactose intolerants of the monster world 

“Yes I’m violently allergic to garlic but what’s the point of unliving without Italian food?”

“I know silver is bad for me but this necklace was SO cute and it was on sale”

“Technically sunlight burns my skin but with enough layers and aloe lotion-”

[tedkordisanasshole]

#‘i don’t care how many holy symbols were at the met gala anne hathaway was supposed to be there and i haven’t seen her in 250 years

[renthebarbarian]

i love how this post just casually drops the fact that anne hathaway too is an immortal

[tredlocity]

tattletales are lawful evil

[tredlocity]

Yes, Kevin, I brought my Game Boy to school. Did it bring you joy when you told the teacher? Did it satisfy your bloodlust when she confiscated it from me? You are no paragon of virtue. You are a beast. A vile monstrosity who feeds on suffering. The laws of man may celebrate your deeds, but higher powers may say otherwise.

[lilacbreastedroller]

i think high heeled winter boots are the cruelest trick played on women. here’s some footwear specifically designed for cold weather and rough, slick terrain, but we went ahead and made it less functional so you can look more fuckable. don’t slip baby! that’s it that’s womenswear distilled down to its purest core

[kcloveletter]

my thoughts exactly but also about high-heeled hiking boots

[lilacbreastedroller]

high heeled WHAT NOWS

[dusky-phantom]

But have you seen the Teva hiking/working stiletto?

[lilacbreastedroller]

UM

[bluelris]

What the fuck

[thepositivecattitude]

Mother cat with kittens came to meet an old friend.

[star-anise]

I can’t believe we’ve already found the best animal video of 2016.

[glenn-griffon]

That is too adorable. You can tell the mother cat actually does trust the dog just by her body language. Typically a mother will watch her kittens closely and be very protective of them, here she completely trusts the dog to play gentle with them. This is just too damn cute.

[glyndarling]

When he bops the kitten and looks up at Mom to make sure he didn’t overstep!

[thesweetpianowritingdownmylife]

The dog is trying to make himself as non-threatening as possible!!

[boozy-the-ghost]

my heart is MELTING

[lifesgrandparade]

Imagine typing out this letter and not stopping halfway and thinking “Hmmm, this makes me sound like the worst human being in the world.”

[bogleech]

Holy fucking shit

[marvelgifs]

There was an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people, to see if we could become something more. So when they needed us, we could fight the battles that they never could.

[fallcaesar]

Santa is on strike due to global warming.  All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger.  Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“MUST BRING PRESENTS TO GOOD CHILDREN”

“Yes good”

“AND EAT THE BAD ONES”

“Wait no”

“EAT THEM”

“sasha no”

[tolkientrash]

@burstofhope the Christmas tiger is watching

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

She is making a list

It is not easy with her paws but she is making it

[iguanamouth]

shes almost here

[miscriont]

Okay fine this is the ONE Christmas thing I will reblog before Thanksgiving BUT THAT’S IT

[craptaztic]

SASHA’S BACK ON MY DASH!

[mace-from-outerspace]

Y’all better behave, you have two months

[aseriouscomedian]

You better watch out

You better watch out

You better watch out

You better watch out

[babyanimalgifs]

Sound on

[soundsofmyuniverse]

[princesconsuela]

[ferret-suggest]

It iz time to danse

[ferret-suggest]

[sheisourwitch]

This pitiful Week

In an effort to make myself less pitiful this week, I have booked myself a hair appointment (I usually cut it myself), booked myself a consultation for laser hair removal (I get ingrown hairs), tried to book an eyebrow shaping appointment, plan to go to London for the day for no fucking reason other than to try and being an interesting person that goes to places alone and looks at things (life…

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[luisonte]

[conquerorwurm]

One of my favorite things to see is random people trying to interact with unfamiliar outdoor cats. Just standing there with a hand out, making kissy noises, maybe meowing at the cat while it ignores them. Mankind at its best and least dignified

[combeferret]

#stop calling me out

[jumpingjacktrash]

if you want to interact with a cat that doesn’t know you, sit down not facing it. glance at it occasionally and make an inviting noise, but mostly just play with your phone or whatever.

the cat will almost certainly come over to check you out sooner or later. it’ll stay out of arm’s reach because it doesn’t know if you’re a jerk. offer your hand and let the cat sniff. wait. if the cat wants pettins, it will indicate that by noofing your hand, flopping on its side, or coming in close.

the cat may want to be bros but not get pettins. in that case, it will sit or lie near you but out of reach. this is friendly! the cat is saying, you’re a person in my neighborhood! hi neighbor!

of course, it’s possible that the cat is a great big cuddleslut and will come love all over you. that happens too. but if it doesn’t, that doesn’t mean it’s an unfriendly cat. be chill and let the cat choose how close to get, and you’ll find most cats are pretty friendly.

[alittleflare]

The only information that matters

[klancelicious-moved-blog]

[paopufairy]

yeah i would’ve knocked him tf out too lmao

[akvela]

Yesssss!!!! Omg!

[babycakesbriauna]

@goodvibes-floatin

[alphasandassociates]

[thempress]

Can we talk about how ALL THE MEN sat there and let that woman be harassed while ever woman in earshot called his as out and finally one knocked him the fuck out.

[cortney-deactivated20161127]

YES SHE TTG I FUCKS WITH HER

[pussydeity-deactivated20151212]

i want her victory lines to be used in the next mortal kombat game

[frost-bitten-mage]

YES

[nice-wig-janis]

YESSSS I LOVE YOU GIRL

[books-in-order]

Pup interrupts soccer match, gives interview.

[the-stray-liger]

The commentator narrating the pup’s moves with the ball is AMAZING and I’m crying

[stacythepunkrockstegosaurus-blog]

THEY INTERVIEWED THE GOOD PUP! So happy! So pure! So deserving!!!

[glintglimmergleam]

a lot of prescriptive linguists (the fancy term for snotty english majors, faux-talgic baby boomers, racist gatekeepers, and other subdivisions of the language police) like to shame The Youth for lazy capitalization and punctuation, but the interesting thing is that most young ppl i know who build their lives around texting are actually pretty damn deliberate about their language choices

“u” and “you” show degrees of closeness w/ your partner; using punctuation at the end of a reply text indicates tone; capitalizing certain words in the middle of the sentence is for Emphasis; sometimes we’re sloppy and sometimes we make mistakes but there is a real grammar to internet communication because by “grammar” i mean a “code of language rules that society agrees upon in order to create meaning”, and that is the opposite of being lazy

(tumblr absolutely has such a grammar and you can tell when someone’s not fluent)

the old guard is passionately defending a pure linguistic territory that we don’t want anymore, it’s not useful enough for 21st century relationships dependent on the subtleties of texts