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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@sianascera
Fuji?! MeLoNiE? BANANTHONY?! I would cherish them with my whole and entire heart.
(@kalliopeyvonneceramics)
@cookinguptales
I spent the whole time worrying that she was gonna drop one so I'll tell other viewers in advance: she doesn't drop any
URGH. Emmerich Holyblade and I just went to The Ceremony to receive our RPG Job Titles, and he OBVIOUSLY got Chosen Hero Sword Saint. So now he's gonna set out to kill the Demon Lord of Darkness.
Me? I just got Dark Mage. Honestly, it's pretty rare, but the job opportunities are also limited. You either get into covert assassination or dungeon raiding.
God, just because we're the only two kids in The Village, Emmerich Holyblade automatically assumes this makes us friends. He doesn't even realize I hate him and his stupid smug swordsman ass.
URGGHHHH he just asked me to join his Grand Hero's Party. fuck. I can't just say no if the Grand Holy King himself is gonna payroll us to do this shit. Whatever man. Let's rock till the Demon Lord of Darkness is dead, and then I can retire and never see Emmerich Holyblade again.
Help me. I've been trying to quit the Grand Hero's Party but Emmerich keeps introducing me as his childhood friend to all the new fucking party members. I hate them all.
The tank Ferron Shieldson gives me bro fists hard enough to bruise. Sister Savantha Healier has tripped over her habit ten times in the past hour.
Elfdame Woodsworth the beautiful elf archer huntress keeps dragging deer carcasses to camp. I'm so tired of venison.
I've been trying to have the Grand Hero's Party kick me out, but instead of undervaluing my Super Secret Invisible Debuff Technique (which looks like I'm just standing there) Emmerich Holyblade figured out it stacks with his Five Phoenix Absolution to hit the damage cap.
Outside of combat, I've done a lot of very invisible low-tier work nobody really needs, such as managing all of our finances and inventory, yet they keep fucking including me and praising my efforts when they're having a drink at the tavern.
Emmerich Holyblade spilled some beer on my shadowy cloak when he slung an arm around my shoulder. His breath stinks.
I'm so tired of camping, honestly. Random Farmers and Shit keep inviting us to stay with them for the night, but their beds suck and I hate the food.
Our reputation really soared when we stopped one of the Four Demonic Kings of the East North South and West from destroying Capital City of the Holy Church Kingdom Nation.
Emmerich Holyblade insists my 70% Paralysis Debuff clutched the entire encounter despite dealing the Super Cool Omega Finisher, so everyone's asking me for autographs.
Shouldn't he know I hate social interaction if he claims to be my "childhood friend"?? LEAVE ME ALONE.
At least Princess Dowed Verily only has eyes for Emmerich Holyblade and his stupidly sculpted biceps. Weird he insists on ignoring her advances, though. Dude, you could be King. What the hell.
Emmerich Holyblade truly is the worst. Princess Dowed Verily tried to have me exiled before the whole court, saying I'm just a leech on the Grand Hero's Party besmirching my "childhood friend"'s good name and status, but Emmerich Holyblade fucking defended me!!!
He said I'm invaluable to this party both as part of our battle plans, our day-to-day tasks, and as his "dearest companion". GROSS!!!
Doesn't he realize this was the PERFECT chance for me to disappear to another country???
Why did I think this Demon Lord of Darkness-slaying shit was a good idea in the first place?? Surely Emmerich Holyblade's boundless enthusiasm to be a do-gooder can't be an infectious disease??
Another day, another trial. We journeyed to the Yggdrasil Holy Nature Origin Forest because it's said the Elves of the Yggrasil Holy Nature Origin Worldtree have the sacred sword Swordexcaliburn, the only weapon capable of permanently killing the Demon Lord of Darkness for good.
Except Elfsdame Woodsworth might be the Holy Nature Origin Princess, or something. I wasn't really paying attention to her dramatic backstory.
After we killed the Holy Nature Origin King (who was really one of the Four Demonic Kings of the East North South and West in disguise), Elfsdame Woodsworth the beautiful elf archer huntress just kinda gave us the sword.
It's sunset right now, and I climbed a tree to just overlook the forest in peace, ALONE, except Emmerich Holyblade "knew I'd do something like this", so now he's HERE. HE ALWAYS DOES THIS!!!!
Blergh. Now we're watching the sun set over the whole Holy Kingdom Church Nation. It's pretty, but that dumbass Emmerich Holyblade isn't even looking at it. Idiot.
At least he's being quiet.
By the way, we beat up the other two Four Demonic Kings of the East North South and West, because we don't really have the time to show all this onscreen, you know? Nobody really cares about them anyways.
We've reached the Demon Lord of Darkness's Dark Demonic Castle Keep now, and we're striking tomorrow.
It's my last chance to quit if I don't want to beef it tomorrow (I do not trust Ferron Shieldson to shield me), but Emmerich Holyblade said he can't do it without me. HE, singular?? So everybody else can do it without me??
And to make matters worse, he said he'd tell me something after we beat the Demon Lord of Darkness. Why the hell tell me you're gonna tell me something??? Just tell me in the first place so I can ditch.
And besides, as if anyone could actually kill the goddamn Chosen Hero Sword Saint. At the very least, he's gonna survive tomorrow. Doesn't he realize how stupidly contrived his powerset is?? Dude, as IF.
I told him that, and he ran off. I'm never going to understand him.
One more day, and I'm leaving forever. Grand Holy King better pay up good, or I'm covert assassinating his ass.
Inside the Dark Demon Castle Keep, we had to fight through so many waves of enemies, like Sister Savantha Healier's Evil Twin, who worships the Demon Lord of Darkness instead of the Goddess of Good Stuff.
But mainly I was just standing in the back. Debuffing is a crazy magic drain, so I did get super tired, but the most exciting thing I was involved with was when Sister Savantha Healier's Evil Twin threw her weapon at me in a last ditch attempt to take at least one of us down, but Emmerich Holyblade intercepted it. With his body.
Sister Savantha Healier just healed him after, though, so it's fine. I might've been mincemeat had that hit my squishy self. I'm a proud backliner, okay. But it was still pretty stupid and unnecessary, considering we have Phoenix Blessing Revival Potion Stones.
Demon Lord of Darkness up ahead... Just one more boss and we're doooooone.
Anyways, the Demon Lord of Darkness wasn't even that cool. The orchestra was great though. I gotta see if the piano player survived the Dark Demon Castle Keep's collapse.
Everybody weakened the Demon Lord of Darkness with their own strikes, so Emmerich Holyblade could finish him off properly with the holy sword Swordexcaliburn.
Before he did, he looked at me with these fucking... star-filled eyes and bright smile, which made everybody else also look at me, which made the Demon Lord of Darkness laugh, so I just nodded at Emmerich Holyblade to go kill the fucking Demon Lord of Darkness already.
God, that took so long. I'm taking a vacation. I'm disappearing into a forest without any elves in it and never talking to another person ever again.
At least now I get to know whatever Emmerich Holyblade wants to tell me. It better be good, because it's the last thing he'll ever tell me.
He, uh. He. Well he. Uh. Hm. Well. How do I put this. Well. Hm. Uhhhhhhhhhh.
E-Emmerich Holyblade, well, he.
Much to. To think about. yeah.
I said yes.
JUNE. JUNE WHEN I GET YOU!!!! aurgh i love these. thank you so much. how did you know i kept imagining emmerich as blonde. AND THE PIANO PLAYER IN THE BACK RHRGH
traditional chinese firework huohu火壶 by 江寻千
collecting posts of this type
literally my favourite genre of post
Even more!!!
another one
day 1 at the communal puzzle club: i see a puzzle with a sign next to it that says "please help with our communal puzzle" and i say to myself "don't mind if I do" and did the whole thing
day 2 at the communal puzzle club: i get gently reprimanded for not sharing the puzzle experience with the others. in my defense I thought they needed all the help they could get
day 3 at the communal puzzle club: we start a new puzzle and i put one of the pieces in my pocket and save it for later so i can be the one who puts in the last piece
day 4 at the communal puzzle club: the puzzle is almost complete so i reach into my pocket and realize i left the last piece in my other pants which are currently in the washing machine. i feign ignorance
day 5 at the communal puzzle club: the others are suspicious but they have no proof. they check my pockets before i leave but little do they know that this time i ate the pieces
day 6 at the communal puzzle club: i put an entire bottle of miralax in my coffee to get the pieces out of my digestive system but they are too far dissolved to be usable. my stomach is in so much pain and i can't stop shitting but i rinse off what's left of the pieces and make it to puzzle club anyway, only to find out they don't meet on mondays. i am inconsolable.
day 7 at the communal puzzle club: i realized those pieces are incriminating evidence so i slipped them in someone else's pocket. i should be good as long as they don't find residual traces of my dna
day 8 at the communal puzzle club: there is an odd feeling in my gut. i feel as if something has been awoken in me
day 9 at the communal puzzle club: i am in such deep focus that the others are starting to fear me. either that or they are cowering away from the communal puzzle out of sheer respect for my skills
day 10 at the communal puzzle club: i'm getting better and better, i can now do several puzzles in one day. the others are discussing what to do about me in hushed tones. little do they know my laser focus allows me to hear everything they say. they aren't a threat.
day 11 at the communal puzzle club: the club manager unlocked the door but already i am inside. ive been here all night doing puzzles in the dark. they threaten to ban me from the club so in response i pick a 500 piece puzzle at random and complete it in under 45 minutes, just to show them who the real authority is
day 12 at the communal puzzle club: i have been officially banned from the communal puzzle club. in a fit of rage i grab as many pieces as i can and eat them, making sure to thoroughly chew and swallow every single one. if i can't do them, no one can.
day 13 at the communal puzzle club: it's monday again. the club doesn't meet today. it's the perfect opportunity to break in and do as many puzzles as my heart desires, without any of the club's petty drama to distract me
day 14 at the communal puzzle club: i am in jail because the club manager snitched to the cops like the pathetic weakling they are. this is the worst night of my entire life there aren't any puzzles here
day 15 at the communal puzzle club: the judge let me off with a restraining order since I didn't actually steal anything. i show back up to communal puzzle club just to make a show of ripping the order to shreds. no piece of paper will dictate my life, only jigsaw-cut cardboard has that power. nothing else.
day 16 at the communal puzzle club: everyone is so quiet today when I walk in. I eat some pieces in a show of force, just to remind everyone who's in charge. I comment that they taste somewhat like strychnine, they say it's just because Ravensburger has a new method of chemically processing their pieces. sounds plausible. 30 minutes later i am convulsing violently but i beg them not to call an ambulance until i finish the puzzle i was working on. but the bastards don't listen and I'm shipped off to the hospital kicking and screaming.
day 17 at the communal puzzle club: i spent the night in the hospital. a detective comes in and says they're investigating the manager of the communal puzzle club for attempted murder and asks what i know. i tell him honestly that i ain't no snitch and spit in his face. he says they have more than enough evidence to prosecute regardless.
day 18 at the communal puzzle club: the club manager is on trial for attempted murder and i am called as a witness. i tell the judge that i ain't no snitch and spit in his face. i am held in contempt of the court
day 19 at the communal puzzle club: the defense makes a plea of justifiable self defense, citing the restraining order that isn't even 1 week old. somehow the judge buys that flimsy defense. i mean, this is the same judge who didn't even recognize me from that same case despite being the same judge. i think the poor old man has dementia so i make a motion for a mistrial. it gets shot down because the system is corrupt.
day 20 at the communal puzzle club: the judge says i should get jail time but he decided i should be in a mental facility instead. i don't know why he would think that, i have been nothing but sane my entire life. god forbid a woman have hobbies
day 1 in the psych ward: they have puzzles in here this is amazing
day 2 in the psych ward: all the puzzles are missing a few pieces. this is unacceptable. im going to go insane
day 3 in the psych ward: i have been informed that they do not use the word "insane" in here so i take back my previous statement.
day 4 in the psych ward: i need to find those missing pieces i need to find them i need to find them i have been questioning everybody all the nurses all the doctors all the patients all the miscellaneous hospital staff but nobody knows anything. this is hopeless. i will never be able to overcome this trauma. my life is over
day 5 in the psych ward: it's so boring in here. without complete puzzles there's nothing to do except watch tv but the only channel they get is the local news. i begrudgingly watch out of nothing but all-encompassing ennui. but one of the stories is about the communal puzzle club and suddenly i am overcome with nostalgia. turns out there was a series of alleged poisonings attributed to that location. strychnine was found in three people so far, one of whom was myself. but the others didn't survive. this confirms my suspicion that i am in fact the chosen one
day 6 in the psych ward: with a renewed sense of purpose i will attempt to convince the doctors of my "sanity," but i also came to the realization that they don't care about sanity, they only care about sedation. they want to supress my passion, eradicate my truth, condition me to fall in line with the rest of the "sane" people. with that knowledge, i was able to tell them everything they wanted to hear. i acted polite, pretended i was cured, i even feigned complete disinterest in puzzles! it made my stomach boil but i did it, i convinced them, and just like that, i was free.
day 28 at the communal puzzle club: i don't know why everyone was so surprised to see me again, it's only natural that i'd come to finish what i started
(i know this is supposed to be day 27 at the communal puzzle club but day 27 was a monday so nothing happened) like what am i gonna say, "day 27 i sat alone in my studio apartment eating cereal and biding my time"
day 29 at the communal puzzle club: the communal puzzle club has been disbanded, the club manager has been arrested, and the whole place is swarming with cops. i watched as they hauled off a bunch of expensive looking printers and like a billion reams of paper and loaded them onto a big police truck.
apparently, the communal puzzle club was just a front for document forgery and counterfeit cash, and i had been inadvertently sabotaging them this entire time. which is sad because i support both of those things. but it also explains why they met 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and why they had their own building despite having no profit model and also why i was the only one who seemed to actually care about the puzzles. everyone else was too busy making fake passports to care.
in hindsight, i always knew they were all a bunch of casuals. but i didn't mind because they had so many excellent puzzles. I asked one of the officers if i could at least have the puzzles but he said they were already taken and locked away in the evidence room. the thought sickens me- all those puzzles, gathering dust, never to be assembled again. or maybe the pigs just took them for themselves! so they could have all the puzzles they want while the rest of us ordinary, law-abiding citizens have nothing to do except die of boredom!
the moral of the story is that we can never have nice things because of the fucking pigs. fuck the police.
fucking insane to me that people can be mean to kids. this thing is four to five shoe boxes tall and youre shouting at it ?? ? what is your damage the mf just got here.
@stefanyd This reminds me of the grudge what's his face has with Jiwoo over Jiyoung. What are you doing man. This kid has only been an awakaner for a year.
This conversation is funnier hearing just one half of it.
tiktok: christinajulian_91
audio credit: anthony vincent
That was not the audio I was expecting
I thought I knew by reading the lips. I did not.
Tactical reloading of things that don’t need tactical reloads
I lost it at the toaster and couldn't make it past the smoke detector before reblogging
This is so satisfying to watch—
SO HERE IS THE WHOLE STORY (SO FAR).
I am on my knees begging you to reblog this post and to stop reblogging the original ones I sent out yesterday. This is the complete account with all the most recent info; the other one is just sending people down senselessly panicked avenues that no longer lead anywhere.
IN SHORT
Cliff Weitzman, CEO of Speechify and (aspiring?) voice actor, used AI to scrape thousands of popular, finished works off AO3 to list them on his own for-profit website and in his attached app. He did this without getting any kind of permission from the authors of said work or informing AO3. Obviously.
When fandom at large was made aware of his theft and started pushing back, Weitzman issued a non-apology on the original social media posts—using
his dyslexia;
his intent to implement a tip-system for the plagiarized authors; and
a sudden willingness to take down the work of every author who saw my original social media posts and emailed him individually with a ‘valid’ claim,
as reasons we should allow him to continue monetizing fanwork for his own financial gain.
When we less-than-kindly refused, he took down his ‘apologies’ as well as his website (allegedly—it’s possible that our complaints to his web host, the deluge of emails he received or the unanticipated traffic brought it down, since there wasn’t any sort of official statement made about it), and when it came back up several hours later, all of the work formerly listed in the fan fiction category was no longer there.
THE TAKEAWAYS
1. Cliff Weitzman (aka Ofek Weitzman) is a scumbag with no qualms about taking fanwork without permission, feeding it to AI and monetizing it for his own financial gain;
2. Fandom can really get things done when it wants to, and
3. Our fanworks appear to be hidden, but they’re NOT DELETED from Weitzman’s servers, and independently published, original works are still listed without the authors' permission. We need to hold this man responsible for his theft, keep an eye on both his current and future endeavors, and take action immediately when he crosses the line again.
THE TIMELINE, THE DETAILS, THE SCREENSHOTS (behind the cut)
I can't keep having the same conversations about love languages, mbti, iq, bmi, "brain fully formed at 25" and shit over and over again...
these things exist on a spectrum from untrue to straightforwardly racist btw. so if we could retire them forever that'd be nice.
quick rundown so we can put it to rest:
love languages: MADE UP! it's just a list of some common things viewed as traditionally romantic (and mostly from a western society/european culture tradition)
MBTI: RACIST! its creator wrote "murder mystery" novels that revolved around the ideas that personality type could identify murderers, and that suicide is the correct answer if you discover you have non-white ancestry. the MBTI has cultural bias allowing corporations to effectively segregate by colour by pretending to be "screening for collaborative types" when in reality they only hire white people. It's also obviously bunk I hope this goes without saying but the racist stuff is never true
IQ: MADE UP! "intellectual quotient" tests can not test "the intellect," only a few functions across a narrow spectrum of what brains do. Not only are those functions not inherent, but trained (you can just get better at IQ tests by practising them), they're also used as a be-all-end-all of intelligence, a notion notoriously hard to define. RACIST! After being taken to mean "intelligence," the IQ has been demonstrated to be tied to abstract cognition functions mostly valued and trained in the global north, the reaction to which has been "well that proves the others are dumber" with IQ consistently used as an argument to support that claim
BMI: MADE UP! It was invented by and for health insurance, not health services providers. Exploring in detail claims about BMI showed most of them to be bunk and the others to need infinitely more nuance, some weak correlation never strong causation. RACIST! fatphobia affects non-white people a lot through a mix of difficult economic situations and compounding effects of already-strained access to healthcare
"brain fully formed at 25": MADE UP! A widely-quoted study on brain development just stopped looking after the age of 25 but brain development and maturation etc showed no sign of stopping before, and the criteria used in number of connections, readiness to create more etc showed impressive variance with young children having more "mature" brains than adults
I turned my volume up just to see what he was playing and was not disappointed
I'm in the process of putting together a character design portfolio and a friend suggested that I can recycle some old work. So aside from the obvious Dandelion Children project, I suddenly remembered some Silmarillion character designs I did over the years. At the time I felt they were kinda meh but looking back now they would really slap with a teeny bit more work.
Beleriand Feanorians
Nolofinweans
Pirate AU (commission)
Unnamed wives of Maglor, Caranthir, and Curufin
Valar designs inspired by Okami
For my non-German mutuals wondering wtf is happening in the Bundesrepublik of Beer and Bread, here is an overview over the clown show so far:
Nov 6 - chancellor Olaf Scholz fires minister of finances Christian Lindner (FDP) for being an incompetent little bitch and drags him on live TV, resulting in a government crisis as the three party coalition (named Ampel aka "Traffic Light"), which is ruling the country at the moment, falls apart.
Scholz also calls for a vote of confidence on January 15th which (if lost) will lead to the Bundestag being dissolved, triggering snap elections in March. This sends everyone into a panic because the ultra right-wing AfD (with Best Of hits such as "Russia is sexy.", "We should criminalize abortions and force every woman to have more babies instead of rights." and "Deport all immigrants and traitors." and the inofficial ones such as "Why don't we just kill everyone we don't like, let's start with the queers.") has been gaining support for a while (because MAGA has no monopoly on racism, sexism, hate and overall stupidity) and no one with an ounce of empathy or a triple digit IQ likes that very much and is thus worried they might actually make it into a new coalition.
Nov 7 - minister for justice Marco Buschmann is heartbroken over the Ampel-Aus and resigns.
Volker Wissing (FDP), minister for transport, commits the funniest anime betrayal and backstabs his party in order to keep his job, leaves the FDP but gets promoted to minister of justice as a little treat. The memes skyrocket.
Bettina Stark-Watzinger, minister of education and research, resigns along with Buschmann and gets replaced by Cem Özdemir (current minister for food and agriculture) because agriculture - education - at the end of the day where's the difference, right?
Federal President Steinmeier hands Christian Lindner his official participation certificate in an awkward ceremony at castle Bellevue. This is broadcast live on television so everyone can be sure that the little bitch is really leaving.
Friedrich Merz (CDU) threatens the nation with the promise that if he (Merz) becomes chancellor, he will let Lindner back into the government so they can keep fucking up the country's budget together. Bffs.
Nov 8 - after backstabbing the FDP Wissing's website gets hacked in retaliation to display FDP ads.
Meanwhile concerns are being voiced that snap elections in March might be way too early due to a lack of paper.
Robert Habeck (Bündnis 90/Die Grünen), vice chancellor and minister for economic affairs and climate action, announces that he will be running for the position of chancellor with a social media post that shows him wearing a Swiftie bracelet which spells "Kanzler-Era" (chancellor-era). This sends Gundolf Siebeke from the super conservative CDU spiralling.
Nov 9 - Siebeke fires off a tweet stating that if Habeck becomes chancellor that would of course be totally the fault of women alone (who are all too emotional to make rational decisions) and Germany should "inofficially" consider revoking women's right to vote and officially implement "antiemotional" history lessons in school, earning him a massive shitstorm (completely deserved). Siebeke deletes the tweet.
Nov 10 - previous minister of justice Marco Buschmann processes his grief over the end of the traffic light coalition by composing and uploading a song to Soundcloud (feat. Gregorian chants) which is not exactly a banger but is admittedly still better than 99% of Germany's entries in the ESC these past few years.
Siebeke is still on his misogynistic bs and makes another incoherent and sexist tweet, this time yapping about queens and Christianity while trying to paint himself as the misunderstood victim.
There are sadly no more Volker Wissing memes.
Nov 12 - everyone has agreed to move the elections from March to the end of February because paper is no longer an issue, I guess? However, now everyone is unhappy because the date clashes with the carnival. No joke.
Siebeke changes the banner on his Twitter profile to read "Frauen. Wahl. Recht. Der 19. Januar 1919" / "Women. Right (to). Vote. January 19th 1919" in a pathetic attempt to show how much he actually (not) respects women while at the same time claiming in his Twitter bio that "only conservatism can secure democracy, freedom, rule of law, equality, climate and culture". No comment.
Nov 13 - 113 members of parliament have officially called for the Bundestag to open the long overdue investigation in order to finally ban the AfD.
It has been the longest week in the history of the Bundesrepublik. Everyone needs a fucking break.
To be continued
Nov 11 (recap) - Scholz confirms he will be re-running for chancellor. When asked by a reporter what makes him more qualified than the other candidates Scholz says he considers himself "to be a little bit cooler".
Nov 13 - Markus Söder, major whine baby of the CSU and walking human wet towel, finally comes up with the weakest retort imaginable to Scholz'es coolness claim: "I don't know anyone who's uncooler than you." That took him two days. These are the ppl in charge of this country.
Nov 14 - SPD and Greens (backed up by the Left) have proposed a law to legalize abortions up to the 3rd month of pregnancy
Nov 15 - Friedrich Merz heavily opposes the proposed new abortion law because a 69 yrs old conservative white male lobbyist whose grandfather was a member of the Nazi party NSDAP obviously should be the one deciding what is best for women.* No one is really surprised by this since this is coming from the CDU. This guy is also running for the position of chancellor btw.
Nov 15 (cont'd) - info has surfaced that the FDP has apparently been secretly orchestrating and instigating the Ampel breakup for months prompting outrage from the rest of the coalition. Lindner bashing round 2 has officially started.
Nov 16 - turns out the FDP had planned the Ampel break-up for when Scholz would be out of country to put the blame on him but someone smelled the fire and so Scholz fired Lindner before the FDP's plan could hatch like a gremlin that was fed after midnight. Talk about timing.
Additionally, info surfaced that the FDP had prepared the Ampel break-up with a PowerPoint presentation. Which would be hilarious if they hadn't called the designated date for the break-up "D-Day". Never a good idea.
SPD is still super furious and dragging Lindner's political corpse in every single press statement and interview. Something something about no need to shoot a dead horse, but we will gladly make an exception here.
Thomas Haldenwang, head of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution, which has been "looking into the AfD" for quite some time due to concerns of the party being unconstitutional (yeah, no shit) since AfD members have been exposed to be part of militant underground groups hoarding illegal weapons and keeping assassination lists of "undesired individuals"), announces his candidature for the CDU. Yeah. The super conservative party with the dude who wants to block the new abortion law and is besties with the party who wants to revoke women's right to vote and who has been getting increasingly chummy with the AfD. The joke kinda writes itself.
SPD members have started calling for the party to endorse Federal Minister of Defence Boris Pistorius as chancellor instead of letting Scholz run again. Quite a few members are a huge fan of the idea. Pistorius isn't. Guy probably thought of how he'd have to deal with Donald Trump come the next year, and decided ha ha, I'd rather drink bleach.
Several US American accounts on Twitter have picked up on the drama in Germany and started tweeting about it, calling chancellor candidate Habeck from the Greens a "radical leftist". If you've never seen someone blasting their drink out of both nostrils with superhuman force but you'd really really like to, go and find a German with a drink and mention the ultra radical leftist Habeck while they're taking a sip. Wear a raincoat for protection, though.
That being said Habeck was just endorsed as chancellor candidate by 96.48 % of the Greens and celebrated the result by announcing that he'd get rid of the abortion ban if he becomes chancellor. Unfortunately no one has access to Gundolf Siebeke's blood pressure stats in real time but I think I heard the sound of the pressure cuff popping from the other side of the country. It has probably left the atmosphere by now and is heading towards Uranus at full speed.
Nov 19 - Marco Wanderwitz announces that he will retire from politics and lists the verbal and physical attacks of the AfD as one of the main reasons for his decision. If even high-ranking politicians don't feel safe around the AfD you can probably picture how much worse the political climate is for normal citizens. This is truly the worst timeline.
On a side note the BKA released the newest stats regarding crimes against women and girls. To keep this short (because it's depressing as fuck): all of them increased significantly, most of all crimes based on misogynistic ideas. Time to start calling it what it is: misogynistic terrorism. I will refrain from making jokes about fire, houses and Dick Fuentes here because that would be tasteless. Btw, that was not a typo.
Markus Söder (CSU) is trying to get the nuclear power plant Isar 2 up and running again which is exactly as stupid as it's funny because it was already confirmed, multiple times, by engineers and the fucking plant operator that it's impossible to reactivate the plant. Just shows that there will always be men who never learn when it's the right time to pull out. Of nuclear energy, of course. (I need Habeck to become chancellor even if it's just so that he can bite Söder like a rabid dog.)
To no one's surprise Jürgen Pohl (AfD) has promised to support Scholz during the vote of confidence which is exactly what no one wants, least of all Scholz since winning the vote of confidence would mean that there will be no snap elections and Germany will be stuck without a functioning government until the end of next year. To everyone's surprise Pohl defended his decision by saying that Scholz is the lesser evil because Merz would suck major ass as chancellor.
Lindner bashing has now been picked up by the Kommunen (local administrative units?) who are super mad that Lindner withheld money from, well, everyone just so he could boost his own ego and the FDP's popularity (which is obviously an oxymoron). Germany really looked at that idiom "Man sollte aufhören, wenn's am schönsten ist." (You should quit when it's best) and went "I suddenly can't read." Good. We can do this all day. Keep it up. (PS: even the CDU has now joined the hate train and is avoiding Lindner? The only way this man could still get a job in politics is if he moved to the US. Donald Trump would surely create a whole new department for him.)
The SPD is still arguing whether to endorse Pistorius or support Scholz re-running for the position of Bundeskanzler. Apparently the cat fights within the party have gotten so bad that grandpa retired chancellor Gerhard Schröder (SPD) had to step in and tell everyone to shut the fuck up.
Also, Pistorius is starting to get really annoyed by reporters constantly asking him about the chancellor position. To the point where Pistorius snapped and said "Anything can happen in politics. The only thing I can say for sure will never happen is me becoming Pope." I'm just putting this here so that Future Me can have a really good laugh later.
There are sadly still no new updates on Volker Wissing. The meme withdrawal is real.
Nov 20 - the FDP claims that Volker Wissing was the one who snitched to Scholz about the D-Day PowerPoint presentation. Also, the day Lindner was fired Wissing supposedly called in sick to work and then ghosted Marco Buschmann (who later resigned as minister of justice, the position that then went to Wissing) which only makes all the Wissing memes 100 times funnier imho. Even if true the FDP, which has been deliberately obstrusing political decisions and limiting the government's sphere of action for YEARS and which was also actively planning to break up the government (knowing full well that this would leave the country practically ungoverned) seems to think that one guy telling the Bundeskanzler - aka the guy steering the ship - that there are rats on board and said rats have been gnawing through the hull of the ship for quite some time now, is somehow worse than, you know, the rats doing the actual gnawing?! No shade to rats btw. But fuck the FDP. For real.
Nov 20 (cont'd) - to battle the continuous right-shift of the Bundestag dyed-in-the-wool politicians Gregor Gysi, Dietmar Bartsch and Bodo Ramelow (Die Linke/The Left) have decided "Aw, fuck it." and have pretty much come out of retirement to run for office again. I am sure this is not what ppl meant when they were calling for a revival of the 90s but I can't say I am against it? The trio has taken on the nickname "Projekt Silberlocke" (Project silver curl) due to none of them being younger than 66 years (Gysi is 76).
Did you see that Magic: the Gathering now has a game state in which you need to prove that there are an infinite number of twin primes to win? I can explain it more if you are interested.
(With reference to this post here.)
By all means, please tell us about the Magic: the Gathering combo which requires proving the twin prime conjecture in order to win.
Okay so this is taken from the Three Card Blind discord server from an acquaintance of mine, Quag.
It’s Alice’s turn and she controls Zimone and has a Fling, an Awaken the Woods, and a fragmentize in hand. She controls 2 Forests (green mana), a Plains (white mana), a mountain (red mana), as well as two lands that are here because they can be sacrificed.
Both Alice and Bob have infinite mana colorless mana made via an artifact that can untap itself for more mana.
Bob has 10 life and controls a Wasteland and two Forests. He has a Nourishing Shoal in hand. He also controls a Battle of Wits and has 250 cards in his library.
To win before Bob does next turn, Alice needs to create a large creature token with Zimone by casting Awaken the Woods, and at end step Fling the token. However, Bob with his infinite mana can cast an arbitrarily large Nourishing Shoal, gaining 10^100 life for example. Alice will try to Fragmentize the Monolith that Bob controls. In response he will generate the mana to cast the giant Shoal and he has to pick a number.
Then, Alice can cast Awaken the Woods to make her land count a prime number that is bigger than 10^100 so that at end of turn, she can Fling the Primo token at Bob’s face. However, once the trigger goes on the stack to make the token, Bob can Wasteland any of Alice’s non basic lands to make her total land count a composite number, making no token.
But, Alice has a trick! She can sacrifice one of her own Havenwood Battle grounds to make her number of lands 2 less in combination with a wasteland. This would allow her to still have a prime number if she chose the larger of a pair of twin primes as her target land count.
The question is this: Can Alice always make a number of lands bigger than any other number so that if Bob destroys one of her lands, she can sacrifice another, remaining at a prime number, and making the token to Fling for the win?
(So: are there infinite twin primes?)
The game state, courtesy of Quag also.
@pomrania replied:
Somebody reblog with that one Sonic fandub meme of "what the FUCK are you talking about", because that is the EXACT emotion I'm experiencing here.
In plain English:
Alice and Bob are playing Magic: the Gathering. If Alice does nothing, Bob will win next turn.
Bob's current position allows him to respond to anything Alice does by doing a Stupid Card Trick that grants him an arbitrarily large number of hit points. By "arbitrarily large", we mean that Bob can pick any number he wants, but it has to be finite; i.e., he can't say "infinity plus one".
Alice's plan is to do something that will break the setup that permits Bob's Stupid Card Trick, thereby forcing him to pick a number of hit points for it to give him before he loses it. Alice will then follow up with her own Stupid Card Trick which allows her to deal an arbitrarily large amount of damage.
So all Alice needs to do is say a number that's larger than the number Bob said, and she wins, right?
Well, not quite. Unlike Bob's Stupid Card Trick, Alice's Stupid Card Trick only works if the number she picks is prime. If anything Bob does in response prevents her from picking a prime number, she does no damage, and Bob wins next turn.
It so happens that Bob does have the ability to respond in a way that reduces the number Alice picked by one. Any prime number minus one is non-prime, so this counters Alice's Stupid Card Trick.
But: Alice has the ability to counter Bob's counter by reducing the number she picked by a further one. This puts her back in business if and only if the prime number she picked in the first place is still prime after having two subtracted from it.
The question is, then: is it guaranteed that Alice can always pick a prime number that's larger than Bob's number and is still prime after having two subtracted from it, no matter what number Bob picks?
Answering that question requires proving the twin prime conjecture, one of the great unsolved problems of mathematics.
Reblog if its ok to spam you with boops
So sad that I don't win this year's pumpkin competition :(
