not a porn blog

gabriel 25 he/they

[fuck-you-showerthoughts]

[themysteriousmurasamecastle]

fuck it sure

[parkayquarts]

finally a good recommendation

[greenbloods]

oh sick someone paved this whole road with good intentions. i wonder where it leads

[valtsv]

i love the specification of "alive" in the people magazine "sexiest man alive" award. clearly they're worried about ötzi the iceman sweeping the competition. as they should be.

[valtsv]

[machine-saint]

part of the joy of having a fetish that's still somewhat outside of the mainstream (if you disagree then xkcd geologists dot png) but fairly popular is that complaining about a trope being too common in your semi-obscure pornography is really funny

[machine-saint]

anyway I just saw someone complain about how snakes are too common in hypnosis porn

[guooey]

[inthefallofasparrow]

Don’t imply Paddington can die.

[vaultsixtynine]

hey gamers

[vaultsixtynine]

i've made an addition to my car's wizard lore. if u even care.

[sadclowncentral]

weird how no one ever comments on the absence of smells unprompted. the nose just isn't a topic of conversation unless it's urgent huh

[sadclowncentral]

"it's dark in here" normal regular observation

"finally some quiet" relatable exclamation

"doesn't smell like anything in here" absolutely deranged sentence

[recentgooglesearches]

was sloppy joe a real man

[givingbadpeoplegoodideas]

clicking a pen over and over again is actually fun as fuck its a shame it makes everyone in a 30 foot radius want to kill me with a rock

[haveyoumetmythief]

Me: It is Perfectly Normal to struggle while doing visual tasks in the dark, and fumbling while plugging in my phone is a neutral act. It has been over a decade, can you please just-

The Thing Inside My Brain:

[valtsv]

enough paintings of saints where they're looking heavenward in ecstatic agony or down with love and mercy on their onlookers as they ascend. we need more paintings where the martyr is looking accusatorily directly at the viewer.

[valtsv]

[touches earpiece] oops sorry guys i forgot that the catholic church is more interested in the performance of guilt than the reality of it. my bad for real.

[girlmostlikely]

[royaltrashkin]

[isawken]

every day i thank my lucky stars that i have never closed my bathroom mirror cabinet and seen a scary guy behind me