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@simon.hughes: "im gonna find that fish that decided to walk on land and fucking grill it."

[yesterdaysprint]

[viceinvestigator-deactivated202]

                 “  Did you know  someone  died  here in this subway cart  just last year,  “     he’s leaning into the horizontal bar above slow swaying heads, looking uncomfortably at home with flickering lights and cold steel;      “  Right where  you’re  sitting,  actually.  “

[siimcn]

quick on his feet, exclaiming with his throat hoarse from all the cigarettes he refused to smoke, all the shots he did not take, his mind flew right to what seemed to be the most logical thing to do: take a huge sniff of the seat. “i can actually still smell the rot; my god -- it smells like mcd’s fries and one those honey mustard nugget dips.”

[gretatf]

“a rando gave me this drink. think i should give it a shot?” greta glanced over at the other as she took a seat next to them at the bar. “i mean– maybe the  dude put something in here that’ll fuck me up good, right?”

[siimcn]

“i am willing to be your guinea pig  because -- one: i haven’t had any fucks, and two: yay free drink!”

[esmcwilliams-blog]

there was a grin across her features and her voice was sickly sweet, but ashley was far from amused. “look, i’m only seventeen. so unless you want your creepy, gross ass thrown in jail, i’d walk away now.” she said to the older man before taking a big gulp of her vodka soda. “actually, i am old enough to drink this. i just wanted him the fuck away from me.” the blonde then directed to the onlooker as the male had quickly retreated away.

[siimcn]

salt made home under his fingernails, moist with oil and condensation from his beer bottle. girls came and went, pink lips and pink thighs; and four bottles down, his mind started swimming in the chorus of “buy the straw, bite the straw, buy the straw!“ but the bartender lived up to his features - tattoos and all - and wouldn’t give him his straw if it didn’t come with the $12 pink drink. -- and so he sat there with his little straw and little glass with sugar on the rim, watching girls laugh with other girls as they watch him, watching guys haggle girls as girls set them on fire, watching, watching.

“that’s good then,” spilled he over his little drink and little straw, white teeth smiling over the bite, “because i’m seventeen and this p o m e l o juice tastes w e i r d.”

jestful, jestful.

[nik0e-blog]

“So, story time, once I ate five pounds of spaghetti because my sister bet me that I couldn’t. Not sure if the joke’s on her or me because even though I did make twenty bucks, I also puked in the kitchen sink. The moral of this is if you want to make quick cash and have a good time, bet people they can’t do stupid shit, unless that person is me.”

[siimcn]

“what’s the pasta sauce? and where the fuck did the twenty bucks go?”

[siimcn]

( text. : boo 👅💧 )

MC: i don't know, show all these texts to your mom? i meant it i'll block you.

SH: Do you even know my mom???? Bc i kNOW YOUR MOM! Ha!

SH: Omg are we taking this a step further? Are we meeting the parentals now??? 👰🤵💒 I LOVE IT!!!!!! I LOVE YOU IM GONNA BE MRS MICAH COSTELLO!! I WILL WRITE OUR NAMES ON THE SAND I LOVE YOU

[gempls-blog1]

“Stop!” Gemma busted out laughing, covering her mouth as if that would make her any less obnoxious. “Well for the record, you so don’t look homeless. That is such a funny story, though. At least she was a thoughtful lady.”

[siimcn]

softly his smile grew with wild satisfaction -- happy to be amusing, amused to be happy. he’s got his little track record of jokes ( most were not even jokes, but his life -- ah, the the more, the merrier. ) “she was, she was!” he sang, his hand animate and eye buck-wild -- easy, easy, lemon -- “sassy! and she was so sassy! the way she walked - my god! but since i already have my very, very economically-and-ecologically-friendly-and-100%-recyclable halloween costume, i think i’ll just buy my dog one those little tiaras and purple shit to make her look paris hilton; and i can be her servant. -- what are you dressing up as?”

[siimcn]

Have you ever dressed your dogs up? Done matching Halloween costumes with the pups?

“ listen, listen – i used to dress up my pet rocks! of course i’ve dress up my dogs! i like practicing the art of individuality so i used to bring them to the pet costume place, and i would get the first costume they p e e on – and so, of course, my french bulldog is a minion, my shi tzu is a minion, and my lab is the costume rack. – such smart dogs! “ 

[siimcn]

I LOVE SIMON SO MUCH

[siimcn]

( text. : boo 👅💧 )

MC: okay then, i'll block you now alright?

SH: OoooOOOOOoooHHHH bby ur playing hard to get? i love the challenge, my god this is exciting! ✨👀 tell me what ur gonna do to me if i keep pushing you!! how r u going to punish me daddy?? 😝😝😝

[brittaleonhart-deactivated20181]

The girl obliged him, before raising her eyebrows and giving him a quizzical look. “You know, most people ask or wait to be asked before taking pictures of strangers.” It wasn’t unusual for paparazzi to take pictures of the young socialite on occasion, but given the boy’s instagram comment she suspected he wasn’t one of the media hounds. “I’ve seen people go a long way to create aesthetics, but I have to say this is new. Do I at least get to know your name or your instagram profile so I can see the picture? Maybe I’ll even like it if you’re lucky.” 

[siimcn]

tucked into his gallery under the folder “road to 9k followers #goforgold,” the photo sat along with all the other symmetric and angular images simon has had the opportunity to take ( or forced the opportunity to happen ). now, three weeks into breathing smog and eating cheetos over his ny pizza, his feet socked in 2-dollar green jello, the dream has never been as real to reality. “i can’t post it right now,” confessed he over soft smiles and batting eyelids, “you gotta know how to r i d e with the momentum. -- see, it’s wednesday night right now: people are s t r e s s e d,  slumped over their desk job eating one of those calorie-counted meals - yuck!” he was animated in his digression and he continued on closing the distance between them, saying, “if they see another photo of the skyline or some steal-glass building, they’ll throw up! you know when it’s best to post this? that’s right -- when they’re at home watching re-runs of 5-year old tv series over halloween and too lazy to get up to give the kids at their door any of their candy. -- and it’s not even because they’re tired; it’s because they don’t know how to function without this -- “ he flashed his phone at her - the photo now with the right filter and fade: stunning, sleek, and cold. “hashtag corporate zombies homecoming -- and you’re their queen.” 

[siimcn]

( text. : boo 👅💧 )

NIKO: did i sign up for a bad sex hotline when i was drunk

SH: mY GOD STOP PLAYING BOOBOO IF IT'S MY PUSSEY UR GONNA PLAY WITH 👅💧

SH: I wanna see u soon pls!!! Get to know how dat tongue do

[modellovepersonal]

[siimcn]

( text. : boo 👅💧 )

MC: Halloween is still a few days away, 'boo' ain't gonna do it.

SH: What dis tongue have to do to get to sit on ur face??? 😫Baby?? Babe?? Munchkin?? 😵

SH: Or do i have to start speaking in italian? pasta pesto quattro formaggio 😍😍😍

[siimcn]

( text. : boo 👅💧 )

NIKO: that sounds excessive.

SH: Baby come on i know u like it when i talk dirty 😩 don't do me like this 😩😩 what you wearing? 😍

[siimcn]

( text. : boo 👅💧 )

MC: I don't have tattoos. Like i said, wrong number. Don't think that guy even has a phone.

SH: Boo dont lie to ME i know ur skin!! I've seen it! More importantly i've tasted it 👅👅👅

[siimcn]

( text. : boo 👅💧 )

NIKO: new phone who dis

SH: The IRS abt to come into your door, your life, and your face 😜😜😜😜