Artemis

at least 18 years old. she/her

[miniangel]

miffy with a pearl earring i adore you

[basic-banshee]

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

[basic-banshee]

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

Well, which one is it going to be?

[basic-banshee]

And so it begins

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

[basic-banshee]

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

[basic-banshee]

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

[basic-banshee]

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

[justluckyiguess]

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

[basic-banshee]

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

[basic-banshee]

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

[cooliopumpkin]

[basic-banshee]

This is the feedback I’ve been looking for

[charlesoberonn]

[hearted-words]

Tumblr meets Hallmark

[heavensenthousepet]

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

[melonisopod]

[targetedknowledge]

[gif87a-com]

[nadiaoxford]

I don’t know a word of Korean, but I love how I can tell the chat is clearly cracking up at this.

[robotlyra]

“LOL I’M DRIVING” is a universal experience

[drtanner-dickery]

The chat going absolutely apeshit is my favourite part of this video.

[notlikingbestgirl]

Out of Touch

[hustlerose]

Out of Touch Thursday

[arbyscurlyfries666-deactivated2]

OUT OF TOUCH THURSDAY

[snuv]

but im out of my head when you’re not around…

[rockmilkshake]

happy birthday.

[saltwatersweets]

this is the only out of touch thursday you can reblog this

[airprime7]

it happened again!

[phantomrose96]

Fun FMA manga fact:

This isn’t mentioned in Brotherhood, but the reason Roy and Riza came to Resembool scouting out the Elrics is because someone fucked up the ages on Ed and Al’s file.

Literally Roy and Riza are riding in the back of some horse-drawn carriage into Resembool chatting with the driver like “yes we’ve heard rumors of two alchemist brothers here, Ed and Al Elric ages 31 and 30 respectively. Do you know where they live?” And the driver pretty much answers with “lol what? Those kids are like 10.”

Except now Roy and Riza are already THERE so they decide “Fuck it. Let’s pay a visit anyway.”

So everything that went down in the series is thanks to some mysterious fuck up in the Amestrian Intelligence Department and I salute that person.

[phantomrose96]

Bonus: He buries his goddamn face in the document at the end, like staring at it closer might make it less wrong.

[puppetmaster55]

roy’s reaction is literally

[phantomrose96]

Spot the difference

[boomer-mythology-destroyer]

[gif87a-com]

[zukosgay]

is germany okay

[soloontherocks]

oh scheiße

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

This isn’t quite how I imagined the second coming of Christ.

[not-a-slayer-of-dragons]

What makes this funnier is that I’m pretty sure that’s at the station for cologne cathedral

[i-dont-crow]

It is and everytime I see that hole I think of this video

[babtest]

Remembered to check at the station today and report that

The structural stigmata are still there

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Why are the 4 holes?? Maybe 5?

[official-german-puns]

It’s his daily commute.

[thatswhywelovegermany]

#it is written that twice did jesus stumble and twice did the cross strike nearby architecture #so really this is method acting

[ninatastic]

Unfortunately they repaired it recently

[pluto-rain-her]

Es hängen jetzt sogar Schilder dort:

In Kölsch, Deutsch und Englisch 😂

[cryptotheism]

I'm fascinated by how the formatting of different social media sites affect how text is read.

For instance, a line break on Tumblr indicates a new idea.

[cryptotheism]

But a reblog break indicates that time has passed.

[cryptotheism]

[neosatsuma]

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image IDs: Image #1: Tumblr tag from wizardlyGhost reading: and screenshotted tags imply a peer review process

Image #2: Tumblr replies. someDayLily: replies, however, are the heckling of the mob

fireball-me: A screenshot of multiple replies depicts some kind of agreement among many, or perhaps chaotic disagreement.

melancholyCruel: You guys can read? /End IDs]

[status-quo-hater]

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

[status-quo-hater]

Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM

[twentybrokenipodclassics]

the postal service names their shit exactly like how a 16 y.o. names angsty fanfic

[punk-squirrely-ghost]

Explain.

[twentybrokenipodclassics]

try and tell me literally any one of these would not fit above a short story about two wholly random men from the MCU fingering each other, or possibly 12 chapters of one or more characters from a CW show being in high school while having a photogenic but terminal kind of cancer. try.

[twentybrokenipodclassics]

ok so i want to say in hindsight i think i could probably have been clearer

[c3rvida3]

Me and my cousin have an ongoing bit where we pretend we made "slightly better" versions of things where we'll be like.

"That was a pretty good movie, but not as good as my movie, House of 1001 Corpses," or "I guess this song is okay. Kind of reminds me of a song I'm working on called 'Faster Car'."

Never once has it been funny or made anyone but us laugh.

[mucmucvi]

This reminds me of a joke I have with two of my cousins

[pingintech]

this reminds me of two jokes i have with three of your cousins

[a-little-lost-in-my-own-head]

This reminds me of the three jokes I have with four of our cousins

[sainttheosylas]

This reminds me of the joke i have with both of your moms

[quasi-normalcy]

[cryptonature]

I have to assume that in the fullness of time, at least once, a mouse has used a mushroom as an umbrella.

That’s enough to keep me going.

[phantomchick]

@cryptonature​​ Man do I have good news for you!

Also! Bonus frog!

[bigratbastard]

[sanenc-draws]

Assorted Vetinaris.

[tragbarerpanzrabwehrkomplexfagot]

[communistkenobi]

we’re so back

[northern-punk-lad]

Do Star Wars fans actually like their own franchise

[communistkenobi]

not really

[sim-etra]

@always-sarcastically-speaking