Yo Goober, Where's The Meat

She/her Lesbian ❤️‍🔥 Math Degree Holder Heated Rivalry brainrot

[mothermara]

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app

[grabmyboner]

Horse

[fuckrozanov]

come to my cottage where there’s no slamming doors and we don’t walk on eggshells and you don’t have to think about how as a child you memorized the sounds of footsteps on the hardwood and who they belonged to and how much to shrink yourself depending on the answer. don’t go back to russia because you always come back to me in pieces and pretend you don’t need to be put back together. i know a place that won’t break you. come to my house. we’ll have so much fun. i want to watch tv with you. i want to knock elbows with you while we brush our teeth. i want to taste your mouth while its still warm from your coffee; to suck syrup off your fingers at the table. i want every mundane luxury we’ve never allowed ourselves to have. it’s so private, no one will know. because they can’t. and for now it’s okay; i’m not ready for the world to have us when there’s so many ways i’ve yet to have you. we’d have a week, or even two, and it still won’t be enough. how do you make up for almost ten years of never seeing a sunrise together. never kissing with morning breath. all the things i might already know if i never left that time you asked me to stay. we’ll be completely alone, together, with our clothes in the same laundry basket and your hair on my pillowcase and the enormity of everything i want touching every corner of every room.

[bambicoded]

[cannissmajor]

Hollanov’s REAL wedding

[triassictriserratops]

everytime I think I'm done being upset that Shane coming out to his team happened off page I think of something else and I'm angry all over again

because everything about Shane in TLG makes so much sense if you understand that he came out to his team and it went BADLY.

Shane went from suggesting that if they had a charity together that it wouldn't be weird if they were seen out in public with each other - to being shocked that Ilya bought them tickets to a concert

Something that makes sense if Shane got extremely negative feedback to the news of the Foundation from his team.

Shane being so obsessed with food, his body's performance, and his need to outperform all make sense if you consider the fact that some of his teammates might have questioned his ability to lead or his focus if he was going to be "bringing that gay shit on the ice" or something like that.

Shane coming out to his team but then being terrified of the thought of Ilya coming out to his own team makes sense if his coming out was so bad, so deeply uncomfortable, that he both didn't want to risk Ilya going through the same and knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Montreal would not have his back if the Ilya of it all was revealed. (With the way Scott's teammates immediately asked if he was dating Ilya - it wouldn't be shocking to me if some people at Montreal said the same and the locker room reaction was RANCID)

If Shane trusted his teammates of a decade to support him enough to tell them - but was hit with a wave of disgust and disrespect in the locker room, on the ice, and especially in the showers - it would make absolute sense to me that he would put a complete stop to the idea of them coming out to their respective teams. That he would shove them both firmly back in the closet to protect them both.

It is egregious that we did not get that scene and that we only see how Hayden and JJ felt about it.

[breakingb4tz]

not everything is about you, hollander.

[smarmybouquet]

a world in which The Sphere was built in 2011 and Ilya has to see Sphane

[iggymogo]

“Get a rat and put it in a cage and give it two water bottles. One is just water, and one is water laced with either heroin or cocaine. If you do that, the rat will almost always prefer the drugged water and almost always kill itself very quickly, right, within a couple of weeks. So there you go. It’s our theory of addiction. Bruce comes along in the ‘70s and said, “Well, hang on a minute. We’re putting the rat in an empty cage. It’s got nothing to do. Let’s try this a little bit differently.” So Bruce built Rat Park, and Rat Park is like heaven for rats. Everything your rat about town could want, it’s got in Rat Park. It’s got lovely food. It’s got sex. It’s got loads of other rats to be friends with. It’s got loads of colored balls. Everything your rat could want. And they’ve got both the water bottles. They’ve got the drugged water and the normal water. But here’s the fascinating thing. In Rat Park, they don’t like the drugged water. They hardly use any of it. None of them ever overdose. None of them ever use in a way that looks like compulsion or addiction. There’s a really interesting human example I’ll tell you about in a minute, but what Bruce says is that shows that both the right-wing and left-wing theories of addiction are wrong. So the right-wing theory is it’s a moral failing, you’re a hedonist, you party too hard. The left-wing theory is it takes you over, your brain is hijacked. Bruce says it’s not your morality, it’s not your brain; it’s your cage. Addiction is largely an adaptation to your environment. […] We’ve created a society where significant numbers of our fellow citizens cannot bear to be present in their lives without being drugged, right? We’ve created a hyperconsumerist, hyperindividualist, isolated world that is, for a lot of people, much more like that first cage than it is like the bonded, connected cages that we need. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things. If you are not a good consumer capitalist citizen, if you’re spending your time bonding with the people around you and not buying stuff—in fact, we are trained from a very young age to focus our hopes and our dreams and our ambitions on things we can buy and consume. And drug addiction is really a subset of that.”

— Johann Hari, Does Capitalism Drive Drug Addiction?

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

something about lonely dogs, idk

gnaw at the heartbeat - wenyi xue / moon song - phoebe bridgers / let dead dogs lie - silas denver melvin / @strawberry-crocodile / nice pup - chloe moriondo / @ashstfu / @valtsv / @inkskinned / it will come back - hozier / @twoheadedfawnn / @/simplyrotten / clean slated state - the altogether / speeches for dr frankenstein - margaret atwood / faulty - leila chatti / belovéd - yves olade / against the kitchen floor - will wood / st bernard - lincoln / imposter syndrome - sidney gish

[saltair-and-webweaves]

on needing radical change

paul revere - noah kahan/ @sentientsky/ @servuscallidus/the kite runner - khaled hosseini/paul gilmartin/please refrain from talking during the movie - robert polito/user gabe k-s/portrait of fryderyk in shifting light - richard siken/paul revere - noah kahan

[gaynehollander]

Shane is so nervous for his first practice with the Centaurs. Despite Ilya constantly reassuring him that it won't be like Montreal, that this is a really good group of guys, he just can't shake it. He enters that practice timid and stiff, barely speaking beyond necessary introductions.

Ilya's way of handling that is by treating that practice as if there's a damn cup on the line. Scrimmages turn into a bloodbath, with Ilya specifically targeting Shane; checking him at every opportunity, throwing him into the boards, and chirping him relentlessly. Every drill is turned into a competition between the two of them.

All the Centaurs are so confused. Since the relationship was revealed, they've never really interacted with them as a couple, beyond some of them attending their wedding. If they didn't know any better they would say the rivalry is certainly alive and well.

By the end of practice Shane is threatening murder but has also managed to outscore Ilya, who's grinning so wide you could count every single one of his teeth.

[ginger-coke]

The second they get off the ice, Shane snarls "Fuck you" and slams Ilya against the nearest wall, one massive forearm braced high over his chest, so close to his throat. Ilya drops his stick and raises his hands in surrender, his mind (and his dick) racing back nearly ten years to a very similar situation. "You fucking asshole," Shane continues, through gritted teeth. "What the fuck was that?"

Behind them, the worried Centaurs slow to a stop. Ilya doesn't dare look; drawing any attention to them will remind Shane they have an audience and break the moment. "Me being good captain," he retorts. "You were playing like shit."

"I was fine," he insists, accenting his words with more pressure against Ilya's body.

Ilya's eyes narrow. "You were scared," he shoots back. He struggles under Shane's arm, not hard enough to break free, but enough to give him the fight he clearly wants. "Were too busy thinking about before. Montreal is not Ottawa. Will not happen here."

"I know!"

"Then fucking act like it." Now he does shove Shane off him, only to grab a fistful of his jersey and haul him back in. Outside his field of view, Bood starts to step forward, but Troy holds out an arm and shakes his head.

"You are on my team now," Ilya says. "We know who you are. I will not settle for anything less than Shane fucking Hollander. If he does not show, I will find him. I do not care what I have to do." He raises his eyebrows. "Got it?"

Shane glares at him for a few tense seconds. Then he deflates. "Yeah, yeah, I got it."

"You promise? No more scared rookie shit?"

Shane looks away, mumbling something under his breath. Ilya shakes him. "I can't hear you, Hollander."

"Jesus, fine, I promise! No more scared rookie shit, fuck!"

Ilya nods and lets him go before he's finished speaking. "Good," he says, making sure to relax his posture before knocking their helmets together. "I love you."

"Love you too. Sorry."

"Issokay." Ilya retrieves his stick and grins at Shane. "Good thing I know you so well, yes?"

Shane cracks a smile. "Maybe a little too well."

"Never," he declares. He gives the assembled Centaurs a nod, then slings his arm around Shane's shoulders and starts off down the hall. "I didn't hurt you too badly, yes?"

"Nah, you're good. I didn't..."

Their voices trail off as they move away. The Centaurs look at one another. Still fucking weird, but maybe it'll be alright after all.

[draegmuth]

I love that Ilya Rozanov is a certified Woman Respecting Bisexual Slut. It doesn't bother me at all that during his hoe era he fucks his way through North America because I know those women are getting insane head, multiple orgasms and perfectly angled dicking from a stunning blond babe with a dumptruck ass. Ilya is actually being a feminist by tormenting Shane, the jockest jock of all time. He is femdomming Shane and Shane being the repressed landlord finance bro that he is, loves taking it from his dominatrix.

[aheartofgold]

Imagine you're Ilya Rozanov and you've spent a long time thinking about how you would like Shane Hollander to be more than a hookup in the dark whenever you are in the same city. You want to share with him that you want more but you don't have the words so you try to show. You invite him to your home, make him food, encourage him to stay over, try to ask questions to learn more about him. And it's working. You can feel the bricks of the wall between you falling away, slowly, slowly. Until you slip up, get too familiar and physically feel the wall being rebuilt in front of your hazy eyes. You messed up, like you always do, tried letting someone in and they rejected you. Again. You'll always just be a secret, and you're not even that any more.

And then that same boy who ran away from you runs straight into the most public relationship anyone has ever had. A movie star who parades him around in front of the paparazzi while he smiles and smiles and kisses her and smiles. She's everything you can't be - she's safe and pretty and he can be so normal with her. You don't see Shane Hollander for months, but you've never been more aware of him. He pops up on every social feed, every news bulletin (and you have news notifications on him that chime every day), he is inescapable. All you hear about is how happy he is, how his new girlfriend has changed his life. It's all so very out in the open and there you are, stuck in hotel rooms alone.

Then you go to Florida for an All Star game, knowing you're going to have to see Shane Hollander off the ice for the first time since he ran away from you and into her arms. He walks in to the bar you're sat at and he looks so good. Better dressed than you've seen him, yes. But more than that - he looks confident. Sure of himself in public in a way you've never seen before. He looks beautiful. And he comes to sit next to you, orders a beer, looking so calm and relaxed while you feel like you're going to crawl out of your own skin. Is his new girlfriend so perfect that he's made him this self assured? Shane Hollander would never talk to you in public if he thought people could guess that something was going on. Shane Hollander wouldn't even acknowledge you if he wanted to be anything other than rivals on the ice - he's too afraid, too paranoid. So when he's talking to you all you can think is - this is over. Years of stolen moments and it's all lost because of the confidence that Rose Landry has given the man you only ever loved behind closed doors.

You're Ilya Rozanov, cockiest player in hockey, and you are terrified that you're going to love this man forever, and no one will ever know.

[youlookpretty1221]

the best shane edit i’ve seen yet

[smarmybouquet]

I'm thinking many thoughts about Heated Rivalry ultimate frisbee au because I think the rampant lesbianism within ultimate is something so true to me, and Roselana will flourish. On the flipside, the men who play frisbee are still like that so the general vibe hollanov have before still holds.

[fractally]

So when I say Shane isn't a good person really I don't mean that he's like. Bad. Or malicious or evil. I just see so many fics that write him as this weird paragon of perpetual virtue, almost saintlike, where he's impossibly kind and an activist and sweet to Ilya like a little kitten and caring of his friends and I'm just sitting here thining....no??

Shane's canonically kind of a selfish guy! Not in a terrible way, he just doesn't really care about stuff outside of his direct sphere. He only gets into philanthropy when there's a direct benefit to him (laundering his relationship). He loves his friends but he's not super caring of them or all that invested in their lives (forgetting Hayden's baby's name is peak). Some of that is he's too wrapped up in his own shit and his secrets but I think a lot of it is just his personality. Shane's not selfish to the degree of it being a personality flaw (see: Shane giving up a day with Ilya to babysit Hayden's kids. I wouldn't have) but he's more selfish than selfless.

We don't hear about him sending signed pucks to sick kids or doing charity with the Voyageurs or that sort of thing. Maybe he's doing it in the background idk. Most likely he's got some assistant in charge of it. But that's not something he spends a lot of mental energy on.

He's not rude or cruel to people, but internally he's a bit judgemental. He sells himself pretty ruthlessly. He’s wealthier than anyone on this website can even comprehend. He’s a landlord.

To get to three cups in a decade Shane’s also got to be very locked in as captain. Like Theriault is this fandom villain (fair) but it just doesn’t make sense to have Shane constantly clashing with him and the Voyageurs and still winning over and over. We see Shane let homophobic comments slide in the locker room and I have to assume that’s his general approach to dealing with things in Montreal. Winning comes first.

I’ve said a million times I love Shane. I’m obviously obsessed with him, look at my many posts. But I just think he’s a grittier and more interesting than the fandom gives him credit for, they just turn him into like the anxious nagging wife who tells Ilya to pick up his socks and is Team Mom.

[ebulliscent]

This!!

Hudson imbued Shane with a lot of gentleness, and the series centring the romance means we see a lot less of Shane when he isn't Ilyamaxxing but book!Shane is incredibly cutthroat. He's impatient, he might not ~showboat~ as much as Ilya does (and he judges him for it constantly) but he's just as much of an attention whore. He isn't just admired because he's Shane Motherfucking Hollander; he's genuinely a bro, he's inaccessible because of his routine and his diet (which gives him major 'you can't sit with us' vibes that he does precious little to counteract, both because he's too wrapped up in his Everything to notice, and he wouldn't care enough if he did).

He's the ice queen, not Ilya. As far as the league, and even his team, is concerned, all routes to Shane Hollander are through excellence, proximity, or work. Ilya and Scott Hunter get the time of day because they're good. Hayden is his friend and Assistant Captain. JJ is a teammate and is sort of the glue of the Voyagers. Rookies get Captain Hollander because he's responsible for them. That's all.

There is no 'Holzy'. His team feels a proximity to him because he's an indelible part of their careers. They're barely a footnote in his, and they know it. Shane does too; he does try to make their success about the team but even when he's thinking of his dynasty and the camaraderie of the locker room in TLG he's thinking of it as a transaction, as loyalty that is owed to him rather than relationships he can trust. Things imploding the way they do in TLG is predicated upon this power imbalance, and that's why the Centaurs are such a good foil.

[fractally]

Yes!! Yes you get it.

I really like you pointing out how distant and inaccessible Shane is. He lives alone immediately, which is very unusual in hockey, being housed by older players during your rookie contract is almost seen as a guardianship or part of your training. The older players teach the younger guys how to sleep properly and cook good meals and such. Shane doesn't need any of that, he's already locked in. And he's very aware of the distance his talent and routines and diets creates between him and his teammates:

"all routes to Shane Hollander are through excellence, proximity, or work"

Yeah, exactly. Shane is so transactional---he thinks about his diet and routines as input / output. He doesn't eat red meat so that he skates better. He doesn't drink so that his muscle control is tighter. He's obviously an endorsement whore---and in the book it's HIM doing this, not his mom. He wants to be THE Shane Hollander, hockey phenom, and he sees this as a thing he can buy with his effort, his restriction, his repression, and his body. He didn't trip his way into being the greatest of all time, he planned it, piece by piece, and worked his ass off:

And yeah as to the friendships with Hayden and JJ, man. I don't know. I really feel like Ilya is the only person on the planet who gets Shane's platonic intimacy until very late into TLG, when Shane has a sweet moment with JJ. But like even his TLG convos with Hayden are very stilted. Shane makes a super rare vulnerability bid by admitting how he's thought about how tough it would be for him and Ilya to have kids and it flies right over Hayden's head.

These guys are friends because Hayden's his winger and because Hayden doesn't have much of a hockey ego and doesn't get insecure around Shane. That's what's happening there.

People adding in nicknames for Hollander is always funny to me because it feels very deliberate that they don't exist in the book. I think the fans call him all sorts of things, but I don't think a single person in that locker room is calling Shane Hollander by a nickname.

Honestly I think this is a hard thing for people to think about with a character which is why depictions of Shane file it away. Most of us have never had the experience of being the most important person in the room, the once without whom the room would not even exist. But that's Shane's day to day. Ilya (and Hunter, on the outside) are pretty much the only equals he ever interacts with. Everyone else is buying his time in various ways.

[penandinkprincess]

okay but hudson saying that it didn't show up in the frame of the shot but that when ilya brought up marrying svetlana during the couch scene he made the choice to have shane pull his legs up some because he couldn't imagine ever wanting to touch feet with someone he's mad at makes me laugh imagining it being an ongoing tell when ilya's getting himself in trouble

they're unwinding for the day together just casually playing footsie while doing their own thing on either end of the couch and then ilya just says something in passing without thinking about it, feels shane go very still, and looks up to see shane make eye contact and slooooowly start pulling his feet away

and ilya just starts sweating