I need a Valium the size of a hockey puck

Tired Fanfic Writer She/Her or They/Them Existential Dread Has Me My obsessions over specific fandoms and characters rotate in my brain like one of those rotisserie chickens.

[zootycoon-archive]

i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck

[loseremo]

[syzygy-yzygy]

THE ORIGINAL? ON MY DASH

[this-too-too-sullied-flesh]

this post led to a series of events that had martin scorsese himself reacting to his alleged movie goncharov and it has less than 400k notes almost 3 years later?

[the-composite-doll]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[cryptic-forge]

i don't remember what originally inspired me to start on this gramophone girl, but recently i found her in my wip folder and decided to finish the project. also finally got a chance to test this shiny copper filament and i love how it looks.

[corpusvakarian]

Cayde is playing video games. I don't know why but I thought he would be the type 🤭

[blahbeau]

street style ultron

[lascitasdelashoras]

Glowing Giant Fish Made of Discarded Plastic Bottles, Playa de Botafogo, Rio de Janeiro, Brasil

[bogleech]

The glowing

[morionette413]

@eddieintheocean

[saul-tortellini]

This is perhaps my new favorite video

[transmechanicus]

I would like to state for the record i’ve ignored this post the last 50 times i’ve seen it bc i thought it would be some hyper cutsie anime girl voice and i’m overjoyed to report it is instead Weapons Grade Miku complete with war horns that fuck

[velinxi]

Dva accidentally saves Ramattra AU part 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

[midnight-mission-official]

Songs I'd Give Each Ultron MVP

⚙️SONG-LIST:

Kill Me Every Time - Blue Stahil

HYENA - KMFDM

Bloodsport - Skold & KMFDM

Should Be Higher - Depeche Mode

Water - ohGr

Good L_ck (Yo_'re F_cked) - Celldweller

Jesus Built My Hotrod - Ministry

Tried to fit his "genre" a little more than some versions of this I'd seen. There's a lot of phonk on tiktok, but he's far more industrial-adjacent to me. What do we think, what would you pick?

Very inclined to do this for the rest of my mains, probably Moon Knight next!

Watch it on TikTok🔗

[bassomega]

backlogggg I'm not dead lol

[khapikat222]

Oh last one! Sorry my demons just contacted me.

Ultron impregnating reader. Smut.

Thank you again! Apologies I couldn't fight them off. I appreciate you. <3 You don't have to if you don't feel comfortable though.

I have to take a break from the Loki show it was aggrivating me so much. So I finished this instead sooner. Thanks for awakening the sleeper agent >:)

Loving You to the Point of Creating Life

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Pairing: Ultron x Reader capable of carrying kids Warnings: IMPREGNATION, BREEDING KINK, Experimentation, Transformation, Apathetic Reader not above some ethical rule breaking for science, Chastity Device, Teasing, Medical Play, One brief mention of abortion but it's not on screen nor reader's kid.

As all things went with Ultron and you, it started with a statement. "Pretty sure a lot of ladies and gents would line up to help evolution along, if it was less battles and more fucking." You remarked.

"Why not a bit of both?" He grinned. Elbow deep in a new model of himself. "If I’m going to evolve humanity the old fashioned way, I’m also going to need to satisfy those lizard brains of yours and protect the nest."

"First off: our primordial ancestor was an amphibian not a lizard. So jot that down-" You smiled when he laughed, hard enough he had to stop his work. "Second: we have houses, not nests."

"Haha! True enough, a nest does not have a sufficient roof for children."

"At least you already have the mating displays down. Don't need to worry about that."

"Or maybe you’re just easily swayed."

"Hey! I'm not easy."

Ultron cheekily grinned and gave you a quick peck on your pouting lips. Which made you melt and lean in, chasing him when he pulled away. "Not for everyone no. Your just easy for me."

"Dick."

"That's no way to talk to the father of our non existent children."

You sucked in a small, shocked gasp. As his hands slithered around your waist. The weight of his head resting in the crook of your neck. The solid heat at your back.

"Too much?" He asked.

"No," You managed to eek out past your embarrassment. Turning just a bit to kiss him back. Holding him in place. "Keep going."

His laughter was downright sinful as he tightened his grip on you. The lifted you off your feet. Turning from his self copying projects to have his wicked way. All while you cackled and kissed him back. Laying willingly in his strong grip as he carried you to bed. Then it becomes a curiosity.

"Humans already contain metal within them. The compounds are there to facilitate biological functions that require electricity. Your brain alone consumes nearly 30% of all you caloric intake." Ultron rambled. Laid out in the field as he charged up via sunlight.

"I would love to be fed through solar energy. Would free up hours of my day spent searching and making edible food." You sat beside him. Making a picnic of the whole ordeal. Sandwich, chips, drink, and company. Or as Ultron once put it: 'meeting the social needs of the ape brain'.

"That would be regressing back to the amoeba state of your existence."

"At least the amoeba did not have to worry about bills either."

"Doesn't get much fun fucking others either."

"Eh, true. I would miss that."

"Yeah, you would."

"I'm not feeding your ego."

"Then you don’t want to enjoy the sunshine today while warming me up?" Ultron wiggled his metal brows suggestively.

"I did not say that."

"Then finish eating up and come take a seat." His Legs bent, a clear invitation to take a seat and grind your soul away to sinful pleasure.

"You're incorrigible." You cleaned up none the less.

"And you’re satisfied every time."

Which inevitably became an obsession.

"DNA sucks ass."

"Well that's a statement to make." You were shocked from your own reading at the arrival of Ultron in your shared room. Quickly moving your book to the nightstand as the megalomaniac crawled his way into your lap. Massive arms curling around your back, and his head tucking into your belly and thighs, keep you still.

"It is!" He groused. "I cannot convert your entire being to metal without sacrificing all the helpful qualities you naturally achieved by random happenstance. And I myself am limited to this metallic facsimile of your organic madness, that any true direct conversions are questionable at best! We might have to wait until I get Dr. Helen Cho here to understand what I am missing in these calculations."

"Wait I thought this was just a matter of injecting liquid Vibranium in me and poof: human body knows what to do."

"I did consider intravenous injections. But that still requires a binder, a bridge to close the gap between Vibranium and Iron your body uses." Ultron explained. Then wordlessly groaned. Long and frustrated. "Mind stone is no help at all either. Insisting upon a creation that I have yet to reach capacity to construct, not without alerting the Avengers first..."

"What about a virus?"

A single red eye peered up from beneath your chest.

"Like the Mitochondria?"

"Yeah."

"I both hate, and love you so much right now."

And ultimately, Action.

"What was so important I had to wake up at 3 in the god damn morning Ultron?"

The laboratory was a mess. Not in the "frustrated destruction" way, but the "mad scientist on the loose" sort of way. If Ultron had hair, no doubt it would be frazzled in that sleepless way. Given the weeks and endless hours he spent here now a days. Leaving you colder than usual in your shared bed when he did his resents. It was a miracle his systems had not burned out from the stress of this, on top of base guarding, resource harvesting, and avenger fighting.

In answer, he held up a little vial of some liquid mercury looking thing. Darker in color, but no less metallic.

"This-" His internal lights were bright. Vents and panels pulled back. Giving him the full appearance of a mad scientists he was born from. "It is me.... in viral form."

You blinked and rubbed what sleep crust had covered your eyes. Your organic brain still lagging from the sudden wake up processing his words slowly. Until it all clicked.

"You actually made the virus?" You gasped.

"Well, less full blown virus, and more spermatozoa blended virus. If I did it right, it should take your ovum chromosomal data and make a viable blended individual. You might need metal injections during the incubation to assist its development, but I've got that set up as well."

Your brain fired off with all the energy of a 1929 buggies car with sputtering, jerked, efforts to actually roll uphill. Trying its damnedest on 4 hours of sleep and none of your wake up rituals to reach comprehension. Nothing even close to assisting in understanding 3 or greater syllable words strung together in succession.

Ultron, bright as he is, simplified his discovery for your sake: "I can breed you now."

Your mind woke up like a sleeper agent going to war. Rushing massive quantities of feel good chemicals through your blood. Given 5 minutes, you think you might soak through your nightclothes. At the very least the cold just got more unbearable.

"Right now?" You asked, with more than a little hope.

"I should test this on someone else first, make sure there's no side effects-"

Ultron laughed at your drawn out whine. Moving closer to you to hug and hold you tight.

"Go sleep. A few more human tests that's sure to make PETA happy. Then we'll have our fun."

"This is a violation of my rights." Your voice grumbled. "Cruel and unusual punishment. The gods have abandoned me to a beast."

"You'll thank me later." He practically purred. Ultron, for all his eagerness was thorough at least. A week of work. Plucking up the unfortunate rich asshole from their routines. Only to inject them directly with the virus. Which worked as intended. Though rather violently.

"Seems their bones structures changed as well to match you." You remarked. Looking over the x-rays of some oil tycoon daughter turned drone. Most of the original human was gone, leaving only and Ultron mimic behind for him to control. No personality of the girl was left behind. But at least she was free from her daddy like she wanted in the ad response.

"Given it's a direct exposure rather than the gradual dosage you'll receive there are bound to be differences." Ultron commented. Thinking deeply. "I should find another woman to test the method we want to recreate."

You noticed he didn't immediately send drones off to snatch another lab rat.

"But?" You questioned, watching his red eyes dim. Metal plates shifting to a frown.

"I don’t want our first to be born by someone else."

Your heart melted. Your untouched core clenching with his possessive love.

"We're testing viability right? That doesn't mean it has to reach to term by someone else." You pointed out.

"Bit macabre, just to abort them mid development."

"Humans did it before we had imaging equipment to track and understand embryo growth. We can put some listing out online, ask for volunteers, help them fully understand whats happening and why."

"Better than risking you at least." Ultron sighed. Pulling you into a side hug to vent over your head. “Leave it to me.”

That came with its own complications, time, trials, tests, and tribulations. Things done in the persuit of evolution. Respectfully collected and compensated of course. Genocide and its associated abuses were not the end goal after all. Evolution was.

When all the potentials were explored, and every theory tested to the best of his ability. It was only a matter of waiting. For the most fertile days for you.

"Ultron~" You cooed.

"No." He said, not even giving you the dignity of his physical attention. Focusing on his latest construction project. Though the disks on his cheeks parted with a smile.

"I haven't even said anything!" You pouted. Mindful of the grinder sparks, as you seated yourself close to him. Your core was burning. The bullet teasing you without pause or end within the chastity cage. Forced into the cruel device by Ultron.

"We agreed to wait until your body was starting its ovulation phase at the very least. Given our volunteers also had difficulty quickening, and the virus itself has a shorter lifespan in acidic environments. You still have 5 hours left of the follicular phase to endure."

"My Eggs last a day. Five hours isn't going to change anything."

"Human sperm can last up to 10 days and still fail in their goal. My experiments even had difficulty with implanting even in the ideal candidates. Impatience will get you nothing, you know that, I showed you the data."

Petulant and teased to an edge already. You draped yourself over the cold tabletop. Willing yourself to calm down. Your thighs rubbing incessantly together for some changed friction. Only to growl, frustrated when the cage kept everything as he wished it. An unending taunt to pleasure so greatly desired.

"Homo sapiens, wise wise." Ultron laughed deep and pleased as his polisher whined down to a halt in his hands. "All I see is a bitch in heat."

"Can you blame me?" You huffed. The heat of your breath fogging up the metal table below you. Glaring up to red eyes. "We've been planning and testing for over a year now."

"Oh my poor girl." He cooed with mocking sympathy. "You know, you're not the only one to suffer waiting so long."

"I don’t see your CPU melting over it." You huffed. Welcoming his cool hand as it brushed over your head gently.

"One of us has to be the responsible parent. Plan ahead, make a virus, study the process so their favorite human doesn’t keel over like a thoroughbred racehorse."

You snorted. "I'm not that fragile."

"No, but you are being petulant."

"Come on. Just an orgasm, it wont hurt anything!"

"No."

His hand retreated and you slumped with the highest petulant whine you could not even stop, even if you tried. Burying your face in your hands as you suffered the injustice of his restraint. Melting into a needy cry when the bullets vibrations intensified. Feeling your underwear soak with how much your cunt dripped with need for your lover. The barely covering mini-skirt you wore just to spite him easily flipped over and exposing the chastity belt. The cold hand of Ultron pressing firmly splayed across your back.

"Hmm, I wonder if your body - aware of the perfect willing mate behind you - rushed your next phase. . ."

"Feels like it-" You gasped at the freezing cold touch to your heat. The belt unlocking only for Ultron's exploration. Hearing the wet squelch of his fingers probing your cunt open, and soft drips to the floor, was beyond hot and mortifying.

Glad for any touch at all. You squirmed and bucked back as best as you could under his pinned hands. Moaning as he didn’t tease and withdraw. But rather dug deeper. His hand on your back slipping over your rear to keep your hips still. Freeing your torso, you leaned on your arms and off the heated surface. Mustering up the willpower to look back and beg for more.

"Well I'll be damned." Ultron spoke softly.

You didn’t get a chance to ask what he saw when the two fingers inside you withdrew. The whole of him, leaning and pressing against your back was delicious. Presenting the soaked hands for your view. Of which you realized was more viscous than normal arousal would be.

"I bet if I took a sample of your blood, your LH would be spiking right now." His voice was a deep rumble. His hands easily slid between your own. Interlacing your fingers with his. To grip and hold you tight. Pressing you back down against the table, burying his head exactly where you loved to feel his heated ventilation wash over your skin, with clear salacious intentions.

All you did in return was thrust back. Choking on a gasped cry when his thigh moved to your unfilled cunt. Letting you grind and rub the still buzzing bullet vibrator harder against your clit.

"Go on." He encouraged. Not moving an inch to help you. Not pulling away like the whole damn day. "Take your bliss."

It didn’t take too long this time. Given the hours of buildup before it, it was rather rushed when you came for Ultron the first time that morning. Though rather than let you come down and rest a moment before round two. He manhandled your body until you were laid out on your side. One leg over his shoulder. Locked in place by his hand cuffing your calf. The other left dangling until your toes gripped the edge itself for balance. A drone of his carried a tray with items you recognized from the trials. The numbing jell, the vial filled with more of his virus, the only difference was the lacking speculum and dull injector to bypass the cervix, in their place sat your favorite injecting dildo, modified at the tip, as wide as an IUD, and just as long. With care and no words, he showed you the modifications he made to the once silicone channel. Nanobots lining the interior of your toy. With a press of his finger you whined when the slit at the top retracted and extended at his will.

"I figured you would appreciate the natural method of insemination." Ultrons chuckle was downright evil. "Or as close to humanly possible."

"Only thing that would make it better is being in a mating press or downward dog." You panted. Idly reaching for your own tit to grope and gently play with it. Watching him get everything set up.

"We can do that for round three." He smiled. Giving you a deep loving kiss. A distraction from the dull syringe that plunged into your heated quim. Hardly enough to be satisfying. And as soon as his fingers replace it, purposefully spreading the substance deeper, the jell was already dulling your nerves below.

"Oh you bastard." You hissed. The only blessed feeling remained on your throbbing clit and elsewhere on your body- beyond your suckling channel. Left high and dry again. As he lubed up the main implement.

"Forgive me for being considerate of your heath." His red eyes rolled. But his face was soft, melting with so much passion and pleasure you couldn't stay mad for too long. Finally teasing your cunt with the toy' faux head. "Deep breath-"

You were so out of your mind, you didn’t even process the whorish moan that left your lips. Your hands abandoning your chest and the pleasant thought of them filling, to cover your mouth and eyes, little else left to hold onto for any sort of stability. Burning up with an unrelenting feverish need. Your chest heaved once you realized you were holding your breath instead of relaxing with it. Relaxing finally for your toy to slip in at last.

"That's my girl." Ultron praised. "Open up for me."

Panting little sounds escaped your bitten lips and hand. While Ultron worked your hole open, wider. Little jerks with his wrist that forced the toy deeper. Past desperate muscles in desperate need of satisfaction until-

"Ngh!" You keened, hip bucking into his hand as he finally got the toy passed the muscles and deep enough to put pressure at your cervix. The topical painkiller dulling what could have been painful pressure into comfortable insistence.

"I thought human desperation was only limited to life or death scenarios." Ultron rambled mostly to himself. The hand hold your leg slid down and rested over your lower belly. Pressing down, while tilting the toy up. Pulling a wailing desperate sound out of you as he abused your internal nerves and still functioning senses on your skin to rub the buldge he made in your belly. "Though there could be a case in this, production, of life."

"Ultron! Fuuuuuck!" Your brain was mush, there was no other thought, no other need, but to feel that bliss. Cries cut off with every bruising grind and tiny thrust he took. Your face hidden in your arms. Unable to see the expert control Ultron had on the nanotechnology. The little things anchoring on his hand splayed over your belly. Keeping the barely there thrusts going, grinding on your clit, while he prepped the vial.

"Just a little more sweetheart. Cum anytime you like, successive multiples were the goal after all."

The strands of nanotech coiled around your clit and with coordinated vibrations dragged your body to its bucking ending. Stimulation retreating with Ultron’s hand gripped the base and redirected the microscopic drones to work.

Even in the high of orgasm you whimpered when the narrow "needle" breached into your womb. Feeling nothing but pressure and weight as your most intimate chamber was wrenched open. Shivering when the heated contents of the vial finally were deposited. Wanting so much to sit up and watch it happen. Settling for reaching down with a hand to lace with his own still pressing over your womb on your belly.

When you felt the pressure in the ring of your cervix ease, and Ultron shifting to far away, you had to catch your own leg as it slipped. You dared to look down and move. Raising your chest up onto your arms. As the empty vial was discarded, and the nanotechnology helped magnetize the toy to his pelvic plating. Sighing happily when his hands wrapped around your hips and up your spine. Keeping everything close and contained.

"Don't fall asleep just yet." Ultron leered above you. Pressing his words between kisses on your chest and throat. "I intend to take full advantage of your neediness for the next 12 hours, minimum."

With a yelp Ultron pulled you off the tabletop and into his arms. Walking off from the workshop to make good on your earlier position requests. Temporarily abandoning the cradle he had been making since morning.

Of course with an Artificial Intelligence birthed from the magic of cosmic creation, a pair of geniuses, and curiosity itself: The plan took root with ease.

"I made you something."

"Hmm?" You hummed. Feeling pleasantly content, if a bit heavy, as you lounged in the nursery window nook. Your hand just falling habitually over your growing belly.

Spending almost every day now to playing with the sunlight on your growing vibranium body. The metal injections almost appearing like vine branches in your skin. You and Ultron both delighting in the almost natural artistry in your veins, as your body was changed overtime. Preserving the host consciousness far more effectively than direct injections had occurred before.

Though not every part of this unique pregnancy was sunshine and prismatic rainbows. For instance: when Ultron approached. There was an old genetic code in your DNA that had reared its head. Making any sudden, approaching motion- regardless of source or actual danger- perceived as a threat worthy of full body contact battles. Mate or no. You were unfortunately prone to aggressive fits if there was no care at all for your surroundings. There was also the need for hourly intravenous injections of metals, as the child demanded higher amounts of metal than your own natural stores of vitamins and minerals could provide. Leaving you attached to a drip line all the time. There had not been any "nesting" moods yet, though there was still five or so months of development left.

Stepping slow and in full view. Ultron knelt and showed you a ring made of metal. Not a small ring for a finger (though you had one of those as well). But a larger, bracelet like ring. With every edge smoothed down to an rounded edge. Silvery everywhere, save for some copper veins.

"For your cravings." He whispered. His hand resting lightly on your thighs as you admired the ring.

"Vibranium?"

"With copper alloy." He nodded. "I made 12, which should last the next month, until I can get more Vibranium from space."

"Hopefully." You leaned in a kissed him. Your tongue tracing over the vertical cuts that still marked his lips. An accident on your part, Hungry and lustful at the wrong time. An error of yours Ultron refused to repair.

"Thank you."

"Anything you need." He reminded. Pulling back just as slowly as he came in. "I will be in the workshop."

"I'll ping you if I need something." You smiled. Watching his ass sway as he left you to your rest. Sending a cheeky telepathic image to him, receiving a rather wholesome one of yourself in return.

Shifting to a position more comfortable for your lower back. You watched the static image of the forest outside the compound. Imagining your kid flying between the evergreen branches laughing. All while your teeth mindlessly carved vertical grooves in the copper/vibranium ring. Swallowing the shavings to the molten stomach you now had, knowing the metal would be used for the child in your belly.

[welltharhappened]

Transformers meet Venom. The Autobots are uncomfortable. The Decepticons are thrilled. The dogs are happy to be here.

Eddie & V are doing their thing, clearing out a dog fighting ring in their usual messy fashion.

(They’ve gotten good at these kinds of cases, not only because V likes the puppies, but because they discovered the power of ‘I’m louder & meaner’ in calming aggressive and scared dogs so they can give them food and scritches while they drop a ‘tip’ with the local no-kill hotline).

Somehow they get the attention of the Autobots, who of course bring the attention of the Decepticons.

The Autobots are duly horrified by the whole thing, and none of their attempts to get clarification or more details from Venom (Who are post-TLD, so have ZERO Fucks) make them feel better.

“What happened to the humans that were in there?” Pointing to a stereotypically ‘evil gang’ black SUV.

“Food.”

“Vee, come on, you’re going to scare them.”

“But they were bad people.”

“Yes, Very bad people.”

“And we can eat those.”

“… yes, we eat some very, very bad people”

“Bones are crunchy.”

“God Vee, I regret letting you use your public voice.”

“Eddie Doing a bad job. Clearly We are needed.”

The Autobots are shook. Vee is playing with several of the dogs, a dozen tendrils out of Eddie’s back wielding different sticks and rocks and anything else that the dogs showed interest in (one may or may not be holding a human tibia).

“But, why?”

“Why eat them? Because we are a ravenous space-symbiosis that feeds on living flesh and the brain chemicals of intellectually advanced species? And the alternative is starving?”

“Tried chickens. Gross. Cows dumb. Pigs too fatty, bad for Eddie. Elephants and Dolphins too few. Also not in San Fransisco.”

“Yes, that.”

“No, I at least understand… that” the Bot gestures to the decapitated corpse laying on the floor, trying not to look at the sections that the dogs have ripped off, taking advantage of the free snack.

“But why spend your time with… this?”

“Oh, this isn’t what we do all the time. This was just our weekly hunt. Might actually last us a couple weeks. Maybe a month.”

Vee burps in agreement.

“I’m actually a journalist. Investigative freelancer officially. Name’s Eddie Brock.”

One of the bots starts looking up his publication history. The others are still confused.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why not do something, bigger? With your… everything, you could do so much good.”

The temperature drops by several degrees, as Vee fully directs their attention to the Bots.

“Like what?”

“There’s always repair work that’s needed, especially after Decepticon attacks. Or you could help us fight them! Or-“

“Boring.”

“What, just because we could do something ,you think we have to?” Eddie sneers. “Hey, Fuck you pal. I worked hard to get where I am as a journalist, and Vee and I have done good, important work. Just because it’s not the most ‘efficient’ or ‘socially meaningful’ doesn’t mean it’s not good.”

“besides, repair and fighting do not give us cookies. Thankful naked people give cookies.”

“Vee, you know they’re sex workers. And yes, sometimes we get cookies for escorting them home.”

“No, not just pretty ladies. Also naked man we saved from invisible hat-man. Gave us brownies.”

“Oh yeah, that guy was tweaked out of his mind. And the brownies were pretty good.”

At this point, Wheeljack and Ironhide get to the scene.

“Holy Primus, Is that a Klyntar?!?”

“Klyntar? Here? But there’s still life!”

Eddie groans. “Not this again. Yes, we are a symbiotic Klyntar. No we are not interested in consuming all life on the planet to fuel our galactic conquest. Yes we do occasionally eat people.”

“Very bad people.”

“yes, very very bad people” (points to the headless corpse again). This is sufficient for Ironhide.

“Wait, is it true that Klyntar have an intergalactic hivemind? With full knowledge sharing of all Klyntar and hosts that exist or ever existed?”

Vee is picking their teeth with a finger bone, which they offer to one of the dogs before answering. “Yes. If we wanted to, we could reach the collective right now.”

“But they’re a bunch of dicks, and we’ve worked really hard to keep them away from Earth. So it’s been a few years.”

Wheeljack looks like he’s about to start crying. “But all that knowledge! The potential new discoveries and scientific breakthroughs and engineering marvels that could be achieved with just a fragment of that information! And you don’t use any of it?”

“Pah, Physics bullshit. Boring.”

“Yeah, aside from upgrading our bike and breaking encryption, we’re not really interested in any of that.”

“But the limitless potential! Just imagine what you could do for humanity! For all sentient life!”

“At the risk of repeating ourselves, we don’t want to.” Eddie has pulled out his phone at this point. “Just because we can or could or have the ability to doesn’t mean we’re gonna. Because we don’t want to. We’re happy with how things are.”

“Isn’t that kind of selfish?”

“For supposedly being the faction of peace, truth, justice, freedom, you all seem very offended by us using our free will.”

“We will say this once more. We. Don’t. Want. To. Fuck off.”

The decepticon forces outside the building/fence had grown at this point, and had all ben listening in with decreasing subtlety. At this final statement, Skywarp loses all patience with even pretending to be hidden.

“One of us. One of us!” The chant soon has overtaken the ranks of the seekers, breaking any semblance of cover the ‘Cons ever had.

“One Of US! One Of US! One of US!”

“Sounds like the other Cybertronians agree with us.” Eddie is gleefully Smug.

Megatron stick his head into the building. “Eddie Brock, well-known human journalist.”

“Yep.”

“I require your contact information. I wish to participate in what flesh-creatures call ‘an interview’.”

To the distress of the Autobots, Eddie shrugs. “Sure. Phone or email?”

[They do schedule that interview, but the first question winds up being about dog care. Turns out several of the Decepticons found the dogs interesting, and cute, and now the base has six full-sized fighting dogs running around. Since the ‘Cons somehow picked only the most traumatized and reactive/aggressive dogs, that were unlikely to get adopted anyway, Eddie & V decide it’s easier to get them some dog food and care manuals than try convincing the mechs to give up their ‘darling puppies’. A Win-win all around. Until Grimlock finds out that Soundwave got the cassettes a ‘puppy’ (It’s a full-grown, highly aggressive bull mastiff that can and will kill any human that comes near it, and they have no interest in addressing or trying to change this behavior), and Wheeljack didn’t bring them one, and so decides to get the dinobots on of their own. He brings home a grizzly bear.]

[thememedaddy]

[mademoiseli]

The notes are broken. This is what tumblr is all about apparently.

[atonau]

THE NOTES ARE BROKEN!  This has been reblogged so many times, Tumblr just shrugged and said “infinity”

[aidashakur]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[goats-ablaze]

woke up today and realized that tumblr entirely killed fuck ya life bing bong so here ya go again

[thereisselfpreservation]

[artyphex]

“There are no female aliens in our game because we don’t know how to make a female version of this alien” You know that alien you just designed? That male alien? Give it a female voice actor and have characters refer to it as she. That’s it. That’s literally all you have to do 

Make her shorter if you must

Make her BIGGER if you aren’t a coward 

[moonwatcher13]

Take your male alien bodytype, make her like 4 feet taller, give her an extra set of arms and sharper teeth, and as muscular as shit.

Boom.

[skywalkerchick1138]

[lemonsharks]

Give her natural camouflage and make the man like this

Make them exactly the same size and shape but different colors

Give him a huge flock of babies following him around to show off what a great lay he is

Surprise mPreganté

Exactly the same but one of them has a cool hat (you decide which)

Give her a sensible haircut for successful hunting while he has a big dumb mullet so big and dumb the food can see him coming and book it

Please just for the love of pie do not begin and end with boobs