Ghost Boy

21, ftm, gay, chronically ill, with a habit of being unstable. A blog dump of all my interests through our time.

[http-tempted]

[desultory-suggestions]

It turns out that you can become the person you’ve always envisioned but you’ll still have the person you were before inside of you and you have to treat them with as much forgiveness and love as possible

[i-am-a-lazy-mess]

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

[positive-pumpkin]

If this is the sign you're looking for, please

stay alive

stay safe

Drink some water

eat something

get back into the things you love

Unclench your jaw

do some self-care

Take a shower or bath

Take your med(s)

[mournfulroses]

Shirley Jackson, from her novel titled "We Have Always Lived in the Castle,"

[libraryleopard]

why do we always bash girls for poisoning their family with arsenic but never question if the family had bad vibes? or was unpleasant to be around?

[cheruib]

on all levels except physical i am sitting on top of the moon with my legs swinging back and forth

[moveslikekeithrichards]

there is no greater joy on this earth than Making Lists, Categorizing, & Sorting

[flying-lemons]

oh do I have the game for you

[dancing-crow]

I could . not. put. this down for 48 hours - stayed up too late, had weird dreams about it, woke up early, and played it while I was supposed to be doing other things. the last several dozen items took a lot of googling, which I do not even begrudge it.

and then. My partner started it. And the SAME THING happened to him.

surprisingly compelling. start when you have free time. like, yanno, a snow day.

[mikkeneko]

This is a great game if you want to just, like, delete a day

[so-called-failed-academic]

Anyone else with me/cfs just constantly over do it anyways and can’t seem to stop?

I could be feeling horrible and push through for that adrenaline kick, down a bunch of salt and hope for the best.

I don’t know how to slow down or stop doing this because if I stop doing this, I won’t be doing anything and I just want to have a good time sometimes, because most of the time it’s not a good time ya know?

The boom bust cycle is so hard and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop it, pacing is so hard and stressful and makes me feel so depressed even if it physically makes me feel better because I feel like I’m so limited to what I can do

What do other people do? I’ve over done it today and meant to go out tomorrow too and I know I’ll force myself out no matter how I feel

How do people manage to keep doing life whilst also pacing??

[so-called-failed-academic]

I know I’m not the worst of the worst and it feels so dumb to be complaining about this stuff when I can still go outside, yea it leaves me stuck in bed after but I can still do it right?

I’m tired.

I’m tired I can’t cook myself a meal anymore other than a sandwich or a microwave meal.

I’m tired I can’t draw or create very often anymore

I’m tired that even watching w tv episode is too much for me most days and that doom scrolling is the only thing I can do because it doesn’t require brain power to process everything.

I’m tired that I can’t go on a walk anymore and that even in my wheelchair going outside is fucking exhausting and it means that even though I have no food in to have dinner, I’m too tired to even go pick up food at the corner shop.

Im tired that I just spent a week with a friend and the whole time I was horrendously flaring, straight up thinking I had Covid because of how horrible I felt, and most of the time all we were doing was sitting there watching tv and that was just too much for my body to recover ???

I’m tired that even if I took my pain away I’d still just be as disabled because of my fatigue.

I hate that I know I shouldn’t push myself yet I still do because if I didn’t I would literally be doing nothing but then it means I am literally doing nothing the rest of the time- it’s like I flare even if I’m doing nothing it’s great.

I want to scream to the fucking sky about how shit it feels. I want someone to tell me hey yeah this really fucking sucks and this isn’t living and it’s okay you feel this way. I want the support I need and I can’t get it because of my living situation.

I’ve gone away for my mental health and instead it’s me getting worse because I’m alone and I can’t even get up to make a sandwich because it means I have to put on a binder and other steps because I’m in shared accommodation.

I’m also just, making things worse with people by being upset with them all because I just want someone to be there for me but then I don’t ask them to be there for me because I’m scared? Make it make sense lol

I don’t know sorry for the ramble I just need to get it out my system

[poetrypip]

Made a comic abt my experience with my severe chronic illness (myalgic encephalomyelitis) which i drew horizontal with my fingers because I'm bedbound and spent a MONTH on it and posted it on every social media and it got no motion lol so just posting it here as well😭😭😭😭😭 I just wish hard work mattered I'm just trying to raise awareness

[so-called-failed-academic]

How are people continuing to make art?

I used to make so much and then after my degree I feel like I can’t, like I’m just stuck and the idea of making art makes me want to claw my skin but at the same time I yearn for it so badly

My me/cfs has taken so much from me, I don’t want my mental and physical health to take this from me too but I genuinely don’t know how to start up again

Does anyone have any ideas?

Accessible art idea too would be great

I used to paint and draw a lot and that’s what I miss the most but painting clean up seems too intense rn

[kosmogrl]

[anxeious]

[peanokey-deactivated20250323]

the answer you're looking for is probably a warm bowl of soup btw

[so-called-failed-academic]

Random fear thought, opinions?? (Weight mentions, about a wheelchair!)

I’m getting a manual custom wheelchair, and I just got sized etc. but I’m scared that if I do manage to lose weight it will be way too big for me and I don’t know what to do because it’s a lot of money (but I am struggling to even lose weight so it’s like what??? But I’m so unhappy with my weight right now)

Do I just go ahead and get it anyways or what?? (I do need a chair the one I have rn is verrrry broken and not suitable at all and won’t last much longer)

[so-called-failed-academic]

I just had a 15 hour day on about 5 hours of sleep and I have me/cfs

Is part of that my fault? Oh yeah definitely

Am I still terrified? Yes

Do I feel a huge amount of guilt? Yes yes I do

Do I feel like a bad person for doing this? Yes

Do I also feel like I must be faking because I just managed to do that and the pain etc. hasn’t kicked in yet? Oh yeah definitely

I don’t know what’s wrong with me lol but all this guilt my god

(I had to travel for an appointment, got stuck in traffic a bunch, went to like two shops and had to have an hour break in a cafe and somehow that was a 15 hour day wtf)