they call me jay — bpd — level 27

we're all a little depressed, i am just here to carve my thoughts into the endless void

[sombrethoughts]

Everything gets too much and I don't know where to turn. It feels like everything is spinning out of control. Would anyone care if I disappeared? Would it matter?

[sombrethoughts]

Surviving

What are you most proud of in your life? Proud is a word that holds many different meanings and emotions. My life has been one trauma after another, a battle of endless demons. I wouldn’t wish on anyway, not even my enemies. I’ve been abused, assaulted, touched, hit, cursed at, I’ve been victim to sexual assaults, and rape. I’ve witnessed horrors unfold. I’ve watched people I loved slip away,…

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[sombrethoughts]

To Survive

Depression will destroy your will to live, your energy, and your hope. It is an invisible battle inside your head, breaking apart everything from the inside out, like a cancer of the soul.

What’s your #1 priority tomorrow? Waking with depression, with suicidal thoughts, is a normal day to me, it always has been – and it will probably be the same for the foreseeable future. Every day it is hard to breathe, to move, to continue. Every day is a battle; to fight something that continues to thrust me into the depths of hell. To wake every morning and try to find a reason to continue,…

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[sombrethoughts]

music makes life bearable

Music makes life bearable, without it would we survive?

What would your life be like without music? Without music, I don’t think my life would be very dealable. I turn to music, when I am sad, when I am lost, when I am cold, when I am alone. Through all life’s difficulties, through everything that has been thrust upon me, music has been the one thing that has always been there, a support, an understanding, a distraction from everyday…

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[sombrethoughts]

surviving isn't living

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life. I wasn’t free of abuse and pain when I was young. I didn’t have a comfortable phase and it scarred me, broke me, merged into me like a virus. I thought it was normal, to be in a home full of rage and trauma. Then my first steps into the big world, I faced with trauma, once again. After only just surviving the mental, physical and…

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[sombrethoughts]

To Carry On

i write to carry on

Why do you blog? I used to keep my words and thoughts sealed in a diary, hidden from the day. I kept them locked away, those 3 a.m. whispers of my demons, held within the darkest parts of my mind – because if I spoke them, I would be cast away, isolated, alone. Now, those voices, those words and thoughts, those emotions I used to hide, I find them here, aloud – written for all to see. Why?…

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[sombrethoughts]

Once upon a midnight dreary

3am is when we don't need to hide

What’s your favourite time of day? People like us are lovers of the night, held in the shadows and stars.We are the sleepless, making love to our inner monsters, the ones who watch the sky, dreaming of another home, hoping for a second chance.We are the darkness, free to the early hours, walking the path of broken souls.We are the dark side of the moon, the hidden shadows, the whispers in the…

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[sombrethoughts]

3am

at 3am we are

What’s your favorite time of day? People like us are lovers of the night, held in the shadows and stars.We are the sleepless, making love to our inner monsters, the ones who watch the sky, dreaming of another home, hoping for a second chance.We are the darkness, free to the early hours, walking the path of broken souls.We are the dark side of the moon, the hidden shadows, the whispers in the…

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[sombrethoughts]

We are the night

What’s your favorite time of day? People like us are lovers of the night.Held in the shadows and stars.We are the sleepless, making love to our inner monsters.The ones who watch the sky, dreaming of another home, hoping for a second chance.We are the darkness, free to the early hours, walking the path of broken souls.We are the dark side of the moon, the hidden shadows, the whispers of wind. We…

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[sombrethoughts]

A Gift and a Curse

Writing, a blessing and a curse.

What do you enjoy most about writing? “Write hard and clear about what hurts. ” … Ernest Hemingway I’ve been writing my whole life, as young as ten I was writing stories, short stories and long stories. I first used it for my imagination, my dark vivid imagination, as an escape from a dark home, throughout my teenage years I found macabre poetry soothing, why? Because it was my escape from an…

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[sombrethoughts]

What is positive emotion?

depression doesnt let you feel positive emotions

What positive emotion do you feel most often? If you ask someone suffering from depression about positive emotions they’d say the only emotions felt are negative – and in a way that would be my answer. Depression has been a major factor in my life since I was a child, trauma embeds that into you, once you have that melancholia injected into your mind and soul, it never really leaves, even when…

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[feelingsoftheday]

Yeah, I think I'm lost again.

[nyctofilic]

lowkey wanna disappear for a little

[sad-empty-lost]

Lowkey wish it was permanent

[sombrethoughts]

Trying to recover from an eating disorder is harder than you think

[sombrethoughts]

Peace - True Peace?

Peace in Death

What brings you peace? What is peace? Is it a state of mind, a physical place or something completely different? I think everyone finds peace in different places, the same as hope and faith. What brings me peace, I wouldn’t know, there would be the normal things people mention, family, nature, anything that makes your heart feel free. But myself, the only place I feel remotely peaceful is under…

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[sombrethoughts]

This is a hard one

Within My Soul

What profession do you admire most and why? Writing, Poetry, Novels, Since childhood I have admired the work of Edgar Allan Poe, in some way I feel the melancholia he spoke of, the pain and suffering. I feel it all in his work, and saying that, at the age of 12, I started writing, starting with horror fiction and dark poetry, and so that is how I became, what I am today, a poet, a writer, a…

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[sombrethoughts]

mood and nobody cares