All that glitters is gruesome

You wanna play loogie?

[somebody600]

My blood is more pepto bismol than hemoglobin

[haaarpb]

i love both my beautiful daughters

[luntfontanne]

holy shit

[screenshotsofdespair]

[mosslingg]

My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege

[4outof20]

genuine question

[bob-artist]

Bittern at the grocery store

[sparkly-heretic]

A very elegant crime.

(edit: my partner just pointed out that maybe the bittern is going to pay, and that's a good point)

[bob-artist]

Don't worry, his disguise was flawless and he got away with his snack :)

[teaboot]

I was too busy laughing to take a picture but my son answered the door last night ready for an adventure 😭😭😭

[zzoupz]

[gonzos-humansona]

Woman in front of me in line at the caffe nero changed my life yesterday when she ordered a prosciutto sandwich but pronounced "prosciutto" like it rhymed with mosquito. "Pruh-squee-toe."

I heard this person say "uhhhh yeah can I get a prosquito sandwich please?" and I knew I'd never be the same. Prosquito. Prosquito. Its everything to me. I haven't been able to stop saying that lmfao. This is my spinch. This is my bagel and creem cheems. This is my ranibow sprimkle.

friends and family are already tired of me going crazy over prosquito but its so special to me

[important-animal-images]

[jacob-padraig]

[konoko]

[stuckinapril]

(in love with you) (bursting at the seams to talk to you) (heart teeming chest aching) hey how are you

[ramenbrainedoak]

the truth about computers they don't want you to know.

[iamoutofideas]

adventure time one-off character

[gayvampyr]

me after a minor inconvenience: i hope i get hit by a [remembers i’m anti car-centric infrastructure] pedestrian

[yellbug]

i used to follow someone who would reblog this post like 50 times a day and i tried to filter it but because i filtered it using the whole phrase i would see them all anyway but it made the whole post funnier to me so i left it like that and now every time i see this i smile fondly