Every relationship I've had was validated with the words "I love you" as if not saying them might somehow disclose all the cracks in the walls that were hosting secret saplings of weeds; awaiting time's approval to bust the whole thing open...
In each one, at different points in time, I've found myself questioning the existence of love, quietly submitting to the notion of it at the drop of these words; half convinced of its intention...
I've felt the need to say it to the other person, to myself, to the mirror, and to the hand that held mine at the time, with a sense of desperation, a cry almost, in an attempt to side step any mines of abandonment, rejection, confrontation, acceptance; I found myself trying to convince myself that I did love them...
Yet, sometimes I have found myself saying out loud because I couldn't contain it's massive existence within; in ways that were profoundly surprising even for me...
Sometimes, I found myself drowning in the existence of the words, revelling in them, in ways I never conceived in my wildest fantasies...
Today is a similar morning for me, yet it is a new breakthrough. I woke up with a sense of quiet belonging in your arms, my face nuzzling in the crook of your neck...
I woke up with my heart on fire, crackling away with the joy of your presence in my bed, intertwined with me, melting next to me...
Till date, I've never once heard us say those three words to each other but the magic has been captured; 'what more can it be?', I find myself wondering...
Today too, I woke up overwhelmed with it's existence surrounding us and yet found no need to verbalize it, confirm it with words; I found that limiting...
We never say 'I love you' to each other and I find myself wondering how on earth do I still know with all of my existence that we do? How on earth do I already know that you do? How do I know that I love you more than my breath?
Why am I so sure that if tomorrow asked for it, I would die for you? Why am I so sure that I would LIVE for you?
How did today arise? I suppose I'll never know.. How did you take away my words and managed to give me the world, I suppose I'll never know... How did you unarm me, undress me, untie me so swiftly, I'll never know...
Still today has come and I'm reeling. True love has come and I'm reeling; without the need to reel it in.
