You've written some of the most funny & light things I've ever read :)
Awwww! That's such a nice thing to hear because it really is the worst to think you're funny and then have other people be like đ«€. My ego really needed this one ty
(anonymously tell me something you think about me)
you're sort of like a mutual in-law of mine, but i love absolutely everything of yours that i do get to read and based on our mutual in-law it seems to me that we should interact more đ€
(especially since i see you're a d20 enjoyer!!!)
đđđ hmu mystery mutual-in-law let's yap
(anonymously tell me something you think about me)
Portrait of a Family: A Dellamorte Family Character Study
It's the one-year anniversary of my favorite fic I've ever written. In celebration, I thought a repost was in order. This is a fic set pre-Veilguard, examining why the Dellamortes are Like That.
Excerpt:
This woman has held many titles. Many names. All of them bought with blood. Sometimes she feels that she is a woman in pieces. She was Caterina first. Then she was a fledgling, a Crow. A wife. A mother. A grandmother. First Talon. The last one is the bloodiest of all.Â
Across the years she has lived and the many lives contained within them, she feels as though she has lost parts of herself. Littered them across the landscape, strewn far and wide. She feels as though she could take someone on a tour of it, tell them where she lost each and every piece, the way that when you lose parts of your heart, you never get them back. She could say here, this is my first loss, the first crack in the glass. Some part of her feels that if she could turn back time, follow back each branching, winding crack to the beginning, she might stop it all before it begins. She knows the time and place as well as she knows this villa, every window and door, every hedge in the garden.Â
Sometimes, at night, she walks the grounds, the moonlight catching in the bits of silver in her once-dark hair, and she looks for them. She is always looking for them. Feels that she will never stop; she isnât sure she wants to. The villa is full of ghosts, but she is the only one haunted. The only one here who remembers them as they were. Remembers this villa as it once was: a home.Â
The gorgeous @fiberpunk027 tagged me for this and it was such an interesting idea I couldn't pass it up, even if I'm a couple days late:
If you have never played before, take a recently published work and break it down for me scene by scene
It's not the most recent thing I've posted, but I wanna yap about the second chapter of It's not him I want to make happy. It's me (3.6k to date, Explicit, 2/3 chapters)
The first chapter of this piece was written for a DA Kiss Week prompt, but Hawke and Varric have their hooks in me in a very specific way that keeps making me return to their story. I'll drop the rest below the cut âïž
Scene 1:
Varric let Hawke into his room with no fanfare at all. She'd been there before, to drink and make deals. Business and pleasure, with both now before him combined.
"If you're thirsty, there's water in that jug on the table, wine⊠somewhere," he gestured vaguely. He was on deadline for another book, and the associated ephemera had gotten a little out of hand. He swept a stack of parchment off the low couch onto the floor, in case Hawke wanted to sit, then turned back out to the hall. "I've just gotta take a leak and grab something, but I'll be back in a minute, alright? I promise."
This is the first time that Hawke and Varric are bringing anything sexual into their strictly platonic relationship, so he's still a little surprised/caught off guard and not entirely certain he's not imagining the whole thing tbf, like she might not even be there when he gets back. I also love writing Varric as a writer, it's very fun
As he crept along the hall, he could still taste Hawke now, still feel the exquisite press of his best friend's mouth against his own, how they both opened up and pushed inside⊠Not something he'd ever thought they'd do, but something which was part of him, part of them, now
These two are so fucking bonded, I swear. There's a lot in both of their reflection of the other of how they're kind of a unified entity? As business associates, friends, and now friends+ their combined waxing and waning libidos
"Alright, Tethras," he muttered to himself, as if he needed any convincing or calming down. He was still hard as the Stone from Hawke mounting him in the booth, but relaxed, resolute. "She drinks the potion, you rock her world. Nothing you can't handle."
No pressure at all, eh? Varric is so concerned about not fucking this up and not letting it fuck up their relationship, but Hawke is always forefront of his mind (the potion is a contraceptive) even ahead of how much he wants it to work out for himself
Scene 2:
Hawke was naked. She'd made her way to Varric's bed, stripped off and stretched herself out along it, draped over the bolster cushions like a dragon on its treasure. Brilliant red hair spilled out across the pillows from her head, with precious little elsewhere on her body. Interesting. Hawke was his first human partner and her entire form wasâŠÂ different from his dwarven experience to date. Less hair, everywhere, but she was also longer of limb, with an elegant, shallow curve between the bottom of her rib cage and the top of her hips, more flat skin above and around her breasts, and legs which made up more than half of her height.
"Get what you needed?" she asked, the fingers of her left hand lazily playing with the bud, hidden at the apex of her thighs, which was absolutely tiny. Perhaps it was wrong of him to have judged human men for having a hard time finding it. Perhaps some of his prose needed revision⊠but no, he could claim artistic license on that one. Call it wish fulfilment.
Dwarven women have big clits and you can't convince me otherwise. It was fun trying to describe a human from a different perspective, and I think we (me and @the-font-bandit) brainstormed that it would be fun if Hawke was Varric's "first" in this way. Also, the writer brain never stops
"I told you downstairs, my cock isâ"
"Proportional to the rest of you? I remember," Hawke said. She licked her lips. "From where I'm laying though, the rest of you is looking pretty solid, soâŠ"
"You're drunk, Hawke."
"I'm an honest drunk."
And she was. Varric knew that. Knew to take the carnal adoration in her eyes for what it was, as she reached out one long, strong arm, grabbed the lower hem of his tunic and pulled.
And the reverse: Varric being very aware of his own dwarven body, but Hawke is 100% down for it. We also had to brainstorm wtf to call Varric's long shirt, and decided on tunic in the end. Screenshots with arrows were involved.
Fuck. It had been a long time since Varric had done this, and he didn't particularly want to think about why.
That's just Bianca in the cuck chair. Don't mind her
Whatever Varric had intended to say - I want to be the one to make you feel that. Use me, Hawke - died on his lips, as he brought them together with Hawke's instead. Kissing her with all the fervour of a first draft. Maker's breath, she was lovely, and he needn't have feared this changing anything between them. If anything, it made him respect her, want to work and fight alongside her all the more. They made an impressive team. Hawke let out a moan.
This record has many tracks and it's playing on repeat. Also I say again: writer. Varric.
"Is it weird to say you taste nice?" Varric pecked every scant freckle on Hawke's chest.
"Beats being told that Fereldans smell like wet dogâŠ"
Hawke only smelled that way when her own mutt had been out in the rain, and usually when the rest of them didn't smell much better.
Stupid small bit to pull out, but I love how well they actually know one another? Hawke can be like, self-deprecating and sarcastic and vulnerable about being an outsider in their home city, while Varric knows exactly what the truth about her is
Hawke's fingers sunk into Varric's biceps in a way that made it very hard to do what she asked, but if there was one person in the whole of Thedas he would keep his word forâŠ
He means it, đŻ
While the dwarf rolled over onto his back, his partner for the night didn't quite follow as expected. Sure, she placed her right knee beside his left hip, and hovered the heat of herself close above his hardness, but her left knee went down between his thighs, so she was straddling him on the diagonal. Hawke dipped and rolled her hips without making full contact, then grabbed one of the discarded pillows and stuffed it beneath his ass. The extra height gave her enough room to - yep - sink alllll the way down, until her soft mound rubbed hard against his pelvis, the meat of her rear rocking over his hip bone, back and forth much more than up and down.
"Fuck, Hawke," Varric swore. The natural undulation of their bodies was like no way he'd ever fucked or been fucked before. He barely had to move and yet he wanted to, so badly. Sheathed within her and obviously, gloriously, the source of her pleasure, at no risk of slipping out or not feeling enough as her chosen position kept them close. So close. He gulped down a breath. "You do that just as longâ just as long as you want, alright?"
Research went into this. Research and some very questionable web searches about small penis sex positions. I learned things and now you have too. For real, though, it's fun to research and then be like "OK, these are some options. What works here/for them?"
His writer's brain was going wild, trying to capture every word he'd use, every sordid sensation and sweet emotion he could name, while his blood sang with a single utterance. Her name.
(stage whisper) Writer Varric...
"Stay. Please." He stroked her this time, a curve down her spine. Encouraging her to resume her rhythm with a roll of his hips. "I can usually keep it up for another round, if you want more of thisâ" If you want more of me "or you can use my hands, my mouthâ"
Me. Use all of me. You wanted to make yourself happy, so do it.
Hawke grinned, and Maker and his bride knew that look meant nothing but trouble.
They're both so fucked in their own ways and perfect and I can't even explain quite why they hook me so, but if anyone can hazard a guess, let me know đ€Ł
"Well, shit." Mirth bubbled up from his chest, joy evident in his smile, as the reality of it all seeped out from between her thighs. They'd actually done it - and Varric wondered, dimly and somewhat vainly, beneath the buzz of his own second orgasm, whether Anders had ever made her come like that. Somewhere outside, a cockerel crowed. Hawke flopped down, spent and happy.
Last bit I swear, but this bit, this vanity, was so important to me to capture? Because he knows Hawke has a partner, he knows she has a sexual relationship with others, too, and he's still a little surprised that she'd want him that way? So this is him reclaiming that a little bit, like, hell yes she does, and I gave her that
Thank you for coming on this stupid ride with me! Third chapter of this due soon, but in the meantime feel free to drop a comment here or on AO3, I'm always happy to chat đ
Thanks for the tags, @chaosherald, @redaresss @kogarashi-art!
I want to yap more about my Aydenne de Riva series, In Shadow, We're All Grey. Being so far past the original DA canon is a weird feeling, honestly, not only is this story not about "Rook" but it's just purely original fiction set in Thedas at this point. Anyhow.
The series is built of interconnected oneshots taking place throughout Aydenne and Illario's lives. I have a general idea of where things are going and the story I want to tell, but I'm having a good time filling in the gaps that are required to tell everything without being tied down to a longfic.
So far, there are seven parts and I wanted to talk about the story so far, below:
Abandonment is the first chronologically, and this story speculates on how and why Illario might have entertained Zara's opening move. He wakes up from a nap to a letter inviting him to learn information Caterina would kill for (not that that's a stretch for, you know, an assassin).
Your work at the Forfex estate did not go unnoticed.
You were precise where others chose chaos.
You held control where another indulged sentiment.
The future First Talon should distinguish himself, not hide in the shadows of his House.
Antiva needs clarity and strengthânot age or impulse.
I offer you information on the Antaamâs massing invasion,
knowledge your Talon seeks but cannot confirm.
This I extend as payment for a simple service: the death of a rival.
If you wish to serve the Crows and stand in the light as a man respected,
I offer a path.
Where faith was abandoned, the light of knowledge still burns.
Seek me, if you are worthy to claim it.
All it takes is one little foothold, and Zara has more than one at her disposal. (I headcanon that she was after Illario all along; his strength and ambition makes him the perfect host for her demon-birthing program. Lucanis was a happy accident, a test run and a way to ensure Illario could never get away from her because she'd have the ultimate leverage over him.) Illario listens to her offer, then leaves, thinking he's got the upper hand and can control the situation. I do plan to revisit this, but we all know how it ends--I just wanted to put my spin on how it began.
âSheâs probably harmless,â he muttered. âThis will all come to nothing.â
If it was something, heâd ensure the fallout was in his favor.
He did not think the word blood mage anywhere except in the depths where he covered it with other words:
A jealous manipulator. Someone who wished to play games with a Crow and would learn how dangerous that could be. A lead to follow.
He clung to the lies because it was easier than admitting the truth. He had already stepped over the line simply by listening.
And he would step over it again.
Her voice taunted him in memory. âYou stand on the margins of a life that was never meant for you. A life shaped by othersâ expectations, othersâ ambitions, othersâ fears. You have been told who you are, what you are worth, and how far you are allowed to rise.â
This was the lie. Illario Dellamorte would not have his limits defined by anotherânot even by his grandmother.
Variable is currently next: Aydenne is assigned to watch Caterina's grandson in the aftermath of the events at Lago di Novo.
âYouâve been called to serve the House in a search for a traitor among the Crows.â
Aydenneâs mind went blank for a moment. His fingers curled against his knee before he forced them still. âHere in Treviso?â
âIn all likelihood, yes.â Viagoâs voice was low, controlled. âSomeone is feeding the Antaam intelligence. Someone with access to Crow channels. Someone with political cover.â
Aydenne felt the weight of that. âDo you have suspects?â
âAll of them.â Viagoâs mouth tightened. âEvery House with a presence in this city. Every operative with access to intelligence. Every ally the First Talon insists is loyal.â
Aydenne swallowed. âYou think itâs internal.â
âI know it is.â Viagoâs expression darkened. âThe Antaamâs movements are too precise. They know where our defenses are weakest. They know what Caterina does not. That means someone is giving them information.â
You guessed it: Viago is suspicious of Illario, who started attending meetings and asking strategy questions that don't fit his character. (Un)fortunately for Aydenne, he sees more than he's been asked to.
Zalan de Riva (@blackwall-my-tiny-husband 's Rook) was always a planned part of the story; I thought it would be juicy to have someone from House de Riva who's a good friend of Aydenne's see all this stuff he's going through with Illario and [redacted later Crow drama] but then Zalan tripped and fell in love with Aydenne long before our collective introduction to Aydenne, which was beautifully revealed in Shin's story The art of toeing the line...so Zalan did much more than just rescue Aydenne for a night of freedom after 6 months of living with Caterina alone in Jailbreaks, Fireworks and Other Acts of Devotion:
This is getting long but thanks for reading if you made it this far haha
In Tending What Remains, we see plant daddy Aydenne win over Caterina's frozen-ass heart in the back garden, and receive permission to recruit new Crows into House Dellamorte.
Finally she said, âThose are not herbs we cultivate here.â
âNo,â Aydenne murmured. âTheyâre de Riva cultivars. They grow well in poor soil.â
Another silence. Longer.
He dared a glance up.
Caterinaâs expression was unreadable, but her eyesâthose cloudy, dark eyesâwere softer than he expected. Not warm or anything that could even generously be called approving. But at least they were free of judgment.
âYou are planting something that does not belong here,â she said.
Aydenneâs heart sped up, though he tried to keep his breathing steady. Holding Caterinaâs gaze was like making eye contact with a bear just before it mauled you. The attack itself was always unpredictable.
âBut,â she added, and the word landed like a stone in still water, âperhaps that is not always a mistake.â
He blinked. âCaterina?â
She looked past him, toward the rosemary bushes she tended herself. âThis House has lost much. Too much. It isâŠeasy to forget that things can grow again.â
The "ducklings" as Zalan affectionately called them, imprinted on Aydenne beautifully.
Zalan sighed. âYouâre doomed.â
âTheyâre just recruits,â Aydenne said, rubbing a hand over his face.
âTheyâre your recruits,â Zalan corrected. âWhich is worse. Theyâre going to follow you around like ducklings with knives, testing you.â
Aydenne tried not to smile; failed. âTheyâll need time.â
âTheyâll need supervision,â Zalan said. âAnd possibly leashes.â
Aydenne elbowed him. âStop.â
Zalan leaned back on his hands, watching the recruits with a softer expression. âTheyâre good kids. Rough edges, but good. Youâll make something out of them.â
âThatâs the dream. Iâve got plenty of help. I hope most of them survive.â Aydenne let out a slow breath. âI hope I survive.â
âYou will,â Zalan said, nudging him with his shoulder. âYouâre annoying like that.â
He stopped a few paces away, giving her room. âFiorella Maialen Berezi?â
She seemed surprised for a heartbeat, then stepped forward and bowed, proud and polite. âFio,â she corrected, quick and sure.
âFio,â he repeated. âMay I speak with you?â
The other Fledglings pretended not to stare, and failed spectacularly.
Fio wiped her palms on her trousers and clambered over the low wall marking the training yardâs boundary. âYouâre Master Dellamorte.â
Aydenne almost corrected her. He almost said âjust Aydenneâ. He almost asked her not to use the title that still felt too large. But she said it with such certainty that he let it stand.
âI am,â he said. âIâm here on assignment. Iâll be leaving in the morning, but I stopped here to ask Heir for a recommendation.â
Her eyes flicked over himâboots, posture, the way he carried himself. She was cataloguing him the way a Crow should. âYou need a scout? I can scout. Iâm ready for my first kill too.â
The other parts of In Shadow are more about Xiqaa, Emmrich, Lucanis and Spite, how they live now that Vigil's Keep is their permanent home (I'm planning a story about them formalizing their union that spans two stories: one is just an excuse to have a wedding, a party and absolutely nothing sad happening, but the other is Three of Crows, a very angsty story about Aydenne going to the wedding and seeing Illario again after two years apart--apart is putting it mildly. Zalan's forced to watch while carrying a quarry's worth of complicated feelings for his old friend.) Aydenne and Illario is an open secret among the inner circle, and as you might imagine, it's complicated.
If this is interesting to you, check out the whole series from the beginning here. Still to come: a Crow civil war, more love geometry (not sure how many triangles we'll go through), and a secret identity reveal! Can I write it all? We'll see hahahaha
tagging some friends of Aydenne and to tell me on some today if you'd like?? @grad-writes (there are technically no spoilers for It's Still You here lol) @davrinsleftpectoral @redaresss @pixiedurango @chaosherald @serialsforbellara @gatesofminrathous @cimmanombagel @theelderdemon @sorrygoldfish @dags-over-caravans @jenn2d2 and đ«”đŸ if you made it all the way here I'd love to be tagged to see what you got!
(oops the divider is by @blackwall-my-tiny-husband)
22, 23, and 24 for the writer asks, if you're so inclined! :D
[more fic writer asks here]
22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what youâre writing? how do you get past that?
The short answer: yes and no.
The long answer: When I started writing AMF (aka baby's first fanfic) I wasn't on tumblr or engaged with the fandom at all, I was kind of blissfully off in my own little bubble. So on the one hand it was good that I had no idea how the fanfic-reading public was reacting to stuff, right? I wasn't writing with any particular audience in mind. But on the other hand, I wasn't sure what kind of audience would want to read it at all, and I think it made me err on the side of writing something more, I don't know⊠palatable?
Don't get me wrong, it's a cozy fic, it's supposed to be palatable. But I think if I was writing it now, I'd make some different choices. Realizing that (and reading other people's fics and making fandom friends and all that good stuff) has helped me care less about any potential reactions to my newer fics.
I've also never had anyone be shitty in my comments or anything like that (at least so far đ) which probably helps a ton, too.
23. pick three keywords that describe your writing
Punchy, funny, stealthemotions
24. how do you recharge when youâre not feeling creative?
I move. When I'm not feeling creative, it usually means I'm mentally and/or emotionally drained, so doing something physical (for me that's walking, hiking, yoga, lifting weights, or even just getting in the car and going somewhere new) is usually the fastest way to fill those reserves back up. I give my brain time to rest and do other stuff. Creativity's just another muscle and I don't want to⊠idk, sprain it, or whatever.
What about 8 and 10 for the fic writer's asks, please?
[more fic writer asks here]
8. if you had to write a sequel to a fic, youâd write one forâŠ
The AMF Taash/Harding sequel I've been percolating on for awhile deserves to see the light of day, but I really really really want to finish my current WIPS before I start anything new, and I think I need to actually go replay VG for a bit before I continue writing about these characters. I'm feeling kinda divorced from the source material lately, kinda tapped out, kinda uninspired. I also live in fear that if I go back and reread AMF anytime soon I'll hate it. I am in a decidedly unwhimsical headspace lately.
10. what is the longest amount of time youâve let a draft rest before you finished it?
18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic
This chunk from Service got cut when I decided to keep the fic short and not-so-sweet:
They will not speak until the steward leaves. They will not drink the coffee he silently pours into two matching cups. The carefully-arranged platters of biscotti and tramezzini will go ignored. They will wait.
What are a few more minutes after such a span of time?
And who will be the first to break this silence?
Caterina, he thinks.
She will wield the ruined rasp of her voice as a weapon. Proof of what she has lost to House Velardo's scheming. Proof of what her survival has cost her.
26. are you able to write with other people around?
Most of the time, yes. I do a lot of writing on the clock at work (usually with headphones in, ignoring all of my coworkers) and in coffee shops (usually on weekend mornings, half-writing/half-eavesdropping). But for some scenes, if I need to like⊠Really Dial In, I go into shut-myself-in-my-room-phone-off-no-one-talk-to-me mode.
10. what is the longest amount of time youâve let a draft rest before you finished it?
The last two chapters of The World As We Know It both sat untouched, halfway done, for at least a couple months before I went back to finish them. Some of it was life stuff, some of it was just me getting in my own way. Both times though, returning to the chapter with a fresh perspective really, really helped. It all works out in the end, I guess? You gotta trust the process? đ
27. your favorite part of the writing process
The brainstorming/problem-solving aspect, I think. Whenever I get stuck (which is often), I put in headphones, go for a walk, and just let the scene fully render in my head. How are the characters feeling right now? What are they looking at? What's going on around them while this scene is happening? 99% of the time, I end up with an idea of where to take the scene or how to rewrite it.
My second favorite part is the feeling when I shift one sentence down to a new paragraph and it all suddenly flows so much better lol
Hoooooo boy. Idk. After taking a few detours I'm back to The World As We Know It, and we are in a love/hate relationship. It's so close to being done. This chapter has been almost finished for like a month, and after this, there's only one more chapter and an epilogue left. The struggle with this fic has always been deciding how much Lucanis and Illario will actually do for each other and say to each other. There are whole swathes of dialogue that I end up cutting because, no, they wouldn't actually say those things out loud. It's always been a simmering resentment, bridges burned, things-left-unsaid kind of relationship, and just because I want them to work everything out doesn't mean they would.
So yeah, I'm very proud of the fic so far, but wrapping it up in a way that feels satisfying is requiring a lot of time and patience and energy on my part. The struggle is real.
5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP
I might have already shared this in a WIP Wednesday, but:
The living room is stuffy and the vinyl blinds are hot under Illario's fingertips.
At work, purely for the joy of time theft. Do I actually do a lot of good writing at work? Probably not. But I like to get ideas and rough drafts down on the clock and then go home and give everything a fresh pass where there are fewer distractions.
With AMF specifically though, my favorite place to write really varied. Sometimes it was at my desk, sometimes in my bed, and sometimes out at coffee shops. Really depended on the chapter I was working on. A lot of the cozy chapters were written in bed. The Lucanis POV chapter only felt right when I was at my desk. It's really up to the whims of the universe sometimes!
19. the most interesting topic youâve researched for a fic
I know all sorts of stuff about pest control now, thanks to TWAWKI. For example, the average rat can fit through a hole the size of your thumb.