just put on your profile you think lesbians can fuck men and we’re all just bisexuals who czn choose who to love? why pretend to be a lesbian and denigrade actual lesbians?
very radleaning to insist women who fuck men are lesbians.
hi congrats you're my first angry anon!
I don't think there is much chance of me changing your opinion on this, and that's OK.
I do find this position difficult to reconcile with my own beliefs and experiences. Like, if I grew up in a vacuum away from sexism and homophobia, maybe things would have been different. I recognise that some women do grow up so sure of themselves, and maintain their boundaries in the face of homophobia and sexism and social pressure and family pressure and religious pressure etc etc, often at great personal cost - I have nothing against gold stars, I'm happy for them and I admire them!
But I just don't agree that any woman who has ever attempted to date a man due to social pressures is bi. That includes women who have been intimate with men in the past before realising they were lesbians. I don't think it's right to attack these women or call them fake lesbians. It's been said before, but gay men who have dated women and then came out later just get to be... gay men.
The idea that once a woman has dated or been intimate with a man she is permanently ruined or changed somehow is just plain old sexism IMO.
Also, quick detour - it's bad enough having to deal with all the bs about dating men, but I really feel for young girls who maybe are out as lesbians but feel pressured to date and be intimate with TIMs. Like that's another layer of fucked up - I don't think the ones who believe it all and get involved and later regret it should be called fake lesbians.
On the whole, in my opinion, it's just... extremely ugly behaviour to attack women over this.
I will share this about me, not for you anon, because I'm pretty sure you're not going to read it or you're going to hate it and come back and tell me I'm bi anyway lol, but for any woman reading this and feeling shit about herself, because I have seen a fair amount of this on radblr and it stopped me engaging in things for sure.
I came out as a lesbian at 15 to one person before I ever dated a man. I never told anyone else, but I'd already started being bullied at school because people could just tell. I was bullied for being a lesbian starting at like age 12, when we went on a school trip and the brother of the girl I was sharing a room with called me a dyke. Anyway, I never told anyone else, and was thoroughly miserable trying to date men until my early 20s.
All my family ever wanted of me was to be "normal", and I knew that people could tell I wasn't. I was vulnerable for a lot of different reasons (poor, mentally ill, alcohol and substance issues) and I'd seen enough of how women who weren't "normal" were treated - so I was a good girl, internalised the idea that I was the problem, and tried my best so I could one day maybe get married and have kids because I thought that's what would "fix" me.
I'm not going to say where I'm from but I will say it's very rough, I grew up in social housing, and I know it's not just a me thing, because I hand on heart didn't know a single lesbian my age til I went to uni. There wasn't a single girl my age at school who was able to be out while she was still at home.
Anyway, I was so in denial, I used to try and talk to my female friends about it when I was drunk, I thought if I asked them the question in the right way, they'd tell me how they also hated kissing/intimacy with men and that they also felt sick and like they weren't in their bodies when they did it.
In the period of time that I was figuring things out, I never ever ever referred to myself as a lesbian. I dated women also, and referred to myself as bi for a bit, but while I was actively trying (and failing lol) to date men, I never called myself a lesbian.
When I couldn't take it anymore and came out, I was away from home and able to support myself. I have never looked back. I have no interest in males, I don't feel attracted to them at all, the general heavy sense of dread about my future disappeared. I lost friends and family, and I have had some awful experiences that I'm not going to get into here. I personally would not have been able to do that at 15. I am in awe of women who could, and were able to survive worse.
FWIW, I also don't think that adult women who are choosing to pursue / expressing interest in / fucking men and still calling themselves lesbians are in the right. But the cruelty towards lesbians who dated men in the past is uncalled for.
but this is long enough already! and my lunch is getting cold
romaincrisis
amandla
gamechangershow
izzy806
gracieabrams
