Half Alive But I’m Living

Just me being me :)

[sowhatimbraindead]

My thoughts whilst shaving my undercut: you’re not going to try to cut the rest of your hair again, you know how that went last time. I forbid it.

Me: but... what if I just... shaved it all...???

My thoughts: yeah no you’d look like a potato

[sowhatimbraindead]

Yeah so the intrusive thoughts finally won and I am a potato

[sowhatimbraindead]

[sowhatimbraindead]

“She wished she could press mounds of rich soil into the gaps of her heart, occupying the space until flowers could take root and grow roses.”

[sowhatimbraindead]

Just creating new ✨fall themed✨ things for new wall decor, yes I drew hands again don’t judge me

[sowhatimbraindead]

I drew this while having a panic attack a couple days ago, I messed up pretty badly but I was so out of it that I just kept going and it actually turned out better than I originally planned

I guess this can be a lesson for me and anyone who needs to hear this, it may not seem like your struggles will be worth it but in the end you will see that you’ve come out stronger than you ever thought possible. Just keep your head up and keep going, you got this :)

[sowhatimbraindead]

Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong, it's just a

A bad week, we all have those

There's no point in complaining, so just let it go

Yeah, clear your head, get your poker face on

Cause this is embarrassing

Push it down, you don't have to let the whole world know

You know me, that I won't

Tell you what's really going on

I gotta deal with this alone

So let the waves crash down

And keep it all inside

Don't try to work me out

I've done it all my life

Just let the weight on my shoulders

Keep on weighing me down

A little bit longer, I'm alright

Don't worry about me

I'm doing fine

[sowhatimbraindead]

Am I currently eating green beans straight out of the can? Yes yes I am

Am I eating said green beans on my bathroom counter with the door closed to hide from my problems? Yes yes I am

Am I contemplating what life decisions I made to get here? Abso-fucking-lutely

Am I okay? Nope❤️

[sowhatimbraindead]

I got this quote from the book “To Sleep In A Sea Of Stars” by Paolini, I would like to give a special thanks to the author for causing me pain so many times🖤

[sowhatimbraindead]

a rose without thorns is no rose at all 🖤

[sowhatimbraindead]

I love how when I woke up I told myself that today is going to be simple and all I have to do is take the laundry out of the dryer and take a test for school but my stupid brain has kept me in bed for two hours contemplating everything and not letting me move

What a life

[thoughtkick]

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

— Khail Gibran (via perfectquote)

[sowhatimbraindead]

[sowhatimbraindead]

Can we all just collectively scream at once cause we know we all need it and if we all did it wouldn’t be weird anymore

Let’s just decide a time and do it fam I’m ready

[sowhatimbraindead]

Me (not caffeinated): tired

Me (caffeinated): tired, but faster

[sowhatimbraindead]

[sowhatimbraindead]

So you know how people forget why they walked into a room and remember when they leave? I think my brain is extra dramatic in that area.

For example, I walk across the kitchen with a purpose and open the fridge. As soon as I do my thoughts yeet themselves into oblivion. I stand there for five minutes using all of my two brain cells trying to remember. Roughly ten minutes after I give up and start doing something else the thoughts come creeping back singing “guess who’s back, back again” and I feel myself lose a year of my life.

I had forgotten the eggs for the omelette I was going to make...

[sowhatimbraindead]

Sure, I’m afraid of what might lead to my death:

car accidents, plane crashes, drowning.

But, I’m more afraid of what won’t kill me:

people dying, people leaving, the silences that seem to never end.

It’s the idea of having to live through something that scares me, not the end itself.

Sometimes I even think I would welcome death with open arms instead of having to deal with the constant pain of living.