Free spaghetti divination upon request

28. Her/She. Witch. Chronic illness sufferer, always willing to talk or listen. Mayor of Bonerton. I reblog humor, romance, and video game stuff, occasionally porn, and witchy bits

[fishing-lesbian-princess]

I love when people try to pluralize Milfs as Milves because seeing the v in place of “fuck” makes me imagine a dracula saying “I vant to vuck your mom”

[parrot-parent]

[gemma-nye]

*hurriedly scribbling notes*

[take-my-worf-please-deactivated]

finally, a logical explanation for why fuckbucket is such a good word.

[bulletproofandboundforglory]

fucktrumpet and shitbiscuit finally make sense now

[wool-feathers]

Ah, a great explanation of how I arrived at “cheeseneedle”

[beggars-opera]

Douchecanoe is a personal favorite

[writing-prompt-s]

You live in a world where pictures are always in color until the person photographed dies. While looking through your grandparents’ closet, you find a picture dated back to 1826. The picture hasn’t faded to black and white.

[turntechxgnostic]

You realize there’s a turtle in the background and carry on with your day

[cat-memes-only]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[a-real-fast-goose]

Jeff looks back at you suspiciously. Unbeknownst to you Jeff has the theory that you are an anteater. The spy vs spy-esque antics go on for 7 acts

[taylor-fartnerd]

Your boss eyes the two of you, he seems nervous while he slightly shakes in fear. The two of you have been doing nothing but suspecting each other the entire time. Yet you haven’t even suspected the fact that,

Your boss is the anteater.

[kingdraws-moved]

[catboydaredevil-deactivated2023]

I jist burst out laughing so hard holy shit 🤣

[rogha]

tumblr comedy I haven’t seen in a while and I kind of miss: when someone says like ‘smoothies are great’ and then someone else says ‘juices are great too!’ and the first person says ‘make your own post’ and then the second person says ‘okay’ and then you scroll down and theres a second post.

[ishouldreallygetofftheinternet]

I also love seeing posts where someone says something that clearly sets up a joke and then has very obviously messaged their friend to question it in a reblog so they deliver the punchline with maximum impact. Haven't seen that in a while

[rogha]

make your own post

[ishouldreallygetofftheinternet]

I love seeing posts where someone says something that clearly sets up a joke and then has very obviously messaged their friend to question it in a reblog so they deliver the punchline with maximum impact. Haven't seen that in a while

[ishouldreallygetofftheinternet]

[sarahseeandersen]

[juxtp0se]

did U GUYS KNOW, that the way stores get the balloons off of the ceiling is with ANOTHER balloon, w tape on the top??? and they just dont cut the string so it’s like super long and u gotta aim it right n reel it in. i just found that out today when i DID IT and it’s been the best working day of my life i had a blast blowing up balloons and fetching some off the ceiling. i had so much power? and NO ONE ELSE in my department likes that job so now it’s MY job when need be

[goddamnshinyrock]

omg so I work at a museum and one of our buildings has a) very high ceilings and b) a bizarrely sensitive alarm system that will go off if anything touches the ceiling. Because of this, helium balloons are considered public enemy #1 and are strictly forbidden from entering the museum. But just in case an illicit balloon is successfully smuggled in, the museum has acquired a fucking b.b. gun for the express purpose of shooting down rogue balloons.

[fer8girl]

lawful good vs chaotic good

[nyanguardparty]

chaotic evil

[sagansense]

[neaq]

Just look at her, isn’t she magnificent?!

[currentsinbiology]

Yes, she sure is!

[gl0wc0r3]

[adeckwith5aces]

Honestly? Same

[virginiaisforhaters]

this is what the inside of my brain look like 

[30-minute-memes]

I see his robot as an absolute win

[totalspiffage]

Visit Original Link

Read this craigslist ad for a 1999 toyota corolla.

[sofhtie]

i don’t think I’m ever going to get over this line

[doomhamster]

 #the problem with becoming the kind of hero you needed yourself #is that it can’t change the fact #that nobody came for you                                                    

[roses-raindrops-and-writing-dea]

Holy shit these are two of the most fucking raw things ever....hit home so hard they took my breath away

[snootyfoxfashion]

Vulgar Teacup & Saucers from EthansLunchMoney

x / x / x / x / x x / x / x / x / x

[whelmedmona]

I’ll take all of them and then throw a tea party for all my friends

[popsunner]

Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood and I thought it was just some sort of routine I started when I was little and wanted to blow off steam

[popsunner]

I’d also like to point out that my sister has a really hard time staying present (I can’t remember the term because we’ve always called it Tethered at my house) and whenever she’s feeling Untethered my mom has her knead bread and make syrup because they’re repetitive and easy things to do that ground her

[popsunner]

Now that I’m thinking about it- my brother has days where he doesn’t talk and doesn’t eat unless he’s prompted, and on those days my mom sits him down in the fish pond in the backyard and plays Mozart and because he’s so used to that being his wake up he always comes back in after like an hour rambling about random things

[popsunner]

Oh yeah and when it rains my mom has a required hour where we all have to go outside and run around and whoever finds the most worms for the garden wins and then we go inside and my mom makes us tea and we watch Studio Ghibli movies

[popsunner]

Wait!!! When one of us has a bad day at school we make a fire in the backyard and roast homemade sausages and my mom tells us stories until we laugh and then she tucks is in bed like we’re five again and sings us songs

[popsunner]

Uh.... wait guys is my mom a witch raising a bunch of fae kids hold on-

[saint-batrick]

your mom is very definitely a witch raising a bunch of fae kids, please tell her i love her in the abstract way one can love a complete stranger.