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Holy fucking shit yes. Thank you for giving a name for what happens here. David Mamet told my playwriting class to drop out of school and ride the subway. I’m going to tell you to drop out of your…whatever school and study art or literature or philosophy. I think if we had more English majors we would have fewer AI data centers and more people on Tumblr who weren’t puritanical about the existence of conflict and sympathetic bad or morally ambiguous character and possibly understood foreshadowing. Let’s give this a try.
this was submitted as a one sentence horror story, but it feels like it could be an old jewish joke, like the one about the two rabbis proving g-d doesn't exist or the saying 'people plan, g-d laughs'
Even more, it sounds like the beginning -- the set-up -- of the joke. Can’t you hear Carl Reiner opening a bit with this line, or Shalom Aleichem using it to kick off a story?
Well I'm not quite an old Jewish man just yet, but let me give it a shot...
Losing confidence in Himself, G-d became an atheist. He decided to go down to Earth, to walk among humans and see how they found meaning.
He wandered the world until he came to a town, where he happened upon a pastor. "Come to our church this Sunday!" said the pastor. But G-d shook his head. "I don't believe in G-d anymore," he told the pastor sullenly. "And besides, I really shouldn't be working weekends." . . .
He continued wandering, and as night fell, he realized he had no money for a hotel. Walking down the darkening sidewalk, he passed many shivering folk, some young and thin, others old and worn and grizzle-bearded, looking not unlike himself. Just as the rain began to fall, he happened upon a priest. The priest looked him up and down, and said, "You look cold, my son. We're hosting a men's shelter at the church tonight; you can sleep there, and come to Mass tomorrow." This time G-d agreed. He slept well and was warm, and in the morning sat for Mass. They blessed him in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, but he felt beside himself and decided to leave.
By this time G-d was quite hungry. He stopped by a deli, but still had no money, so all he could do was watch the fresh steaming bagels be made. On a bench outside the deli, a man was eating a bagel with lox. As he finished eating, G-d noticed there were still some scraps of food on the waxpaper. Unable to help himself, he asked if he could have the scraps, before the man threw it away. "Please sir, I'm so hungry. I'd just like that crumb of bagel there, and that little shred of lox. I think I could make a bisl of fish last quite a while." The man shook his head. "I cannot in good conscience give you my trash," he said, "But come inside, I'll get you your own bagel. I'd offer to get you coffee—but that's trash too."
So the man bought G-d some breakfast and sat with him on the bench. "Thank you so much," said G-d. "How can I ever repay you?" But the man just shrugged and said, "I'm a rabbi. Buying bagels I don't get to eat is part of the job description."
G-d thanked the rabbi again, and ate in silence. "Rabbi, can I ask you a question? I feel I haven't been on this Earth too long, but already I've seen much misery. How do you do it? How do you still believe in G-d?"
The rabbi pondered this. "I believe in joyful things. I believe in kindness, and people choosing to help each other. And isn't that a kind of godliness?" (G-d suspected there was a bit more to godliness than that, but he let it slide.) The rabbi continued: "I've prayed to G-d every day for the last 30 years, and I will every day til I die. And if He answers my prayers, all the better! But tell me, my new friend, what's your name?" G-d hesitated and said, "It's a little hard to pronounce..." The rabbi chuckled and said, "No matter. Say, it won't be anything like Shabbos dinner, but my wife is baking a delightful fig pie today, and I'd like to have you over for dinner to enjoy it." G-d nodded. "I do like figs..."
That evening, G-d sat for dinner with the rabbi, the rabbi's wife, and their four children. The meal was delicious, the rabbi's family was incredibly welcoming. Their conversation was friendly but never prying, and the children laughed and played with each other. Several times, the youngest child tugged on G-d's sleeve for his attention before her father motioned for her to go play with her siblings. G-d began to see what the rabbi had meant about the joyfulness of life.
At the end of the night, G-d stood up to leave, and felt renewed. The rabbi said, "My friend, don't leave us so soon!" And G-d replied, "I will always be with you, for I am the Lord Your G-d." And they understood it to be true.
He had done this sort of thing a few times before and generally knew how it went. As expected, the rabbi and his family fell to their knees, weeping with joy and awe. He did not expect the youngest child to walk right up and tug G-d's sleeve again. He smiled graciously down at her, and she looked up with the wonderful bright eyes of a child who understands nothing but the urge to play. In a high voice, she said, "Knock knock!" G-d couldn't help but laugh. "Who's there?" He replied cheerfully.
Suddenly from across the room, the rabbi swore loudly and rudely. Dismayed, G-d asked, "What troubles you?" He saw the rabbi was trembling, half in rage and half in embarrassment. "I'm sorry Lord! Thank you for this, thank you so much for gracing us with your light, Baruch Atah and so on, it's just..." The rabbi swore again. "Thirty years of daily prayer, Lord, and a KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE is what you'll answer?"
hey captain-acab, this is the highest compliment i can bestow: it would not have surprised me had i found that story in a book of traditional fables in the shul library
Look, someone has to be the first to make up any traditional Jewish story, why not @captain-acab? If we all keep telling it, then in a generation or two it'll be traditional.
I’m like ahh the AC is broken why won’t it cool down?! My husband has had it on just the fan for two days. And he left the light on in the kitchen overnight. And he left the hall light on this morning. His ADHD is clashing with my OCD need to shut everything off all the time and return things to their “normal” setting before bed. We are going to have to duel over this.
The funniest thing about the retcon in The Day of the Doctor is the fact that the Doctor saved Gallifrey all along. So, basically, ever since his regeneration into Nine, he’s been going around the cosmos telling people Gallifrey is gone, when in fact it isn’t. Imagine the reaction of the Time Lords when they get out of the Time Lock and try to trade for provisions to rebuild their planet. “You can’t be a Time Lord, they’re extinct. Piss off.”
It’s the living embodiment of the ‘quit telling people I’m dead!’ meme.
Which, imo, is definitely a meme the Twelfth Doctor probably takes advantage of while hanging with Missy, especially how many times the Master has ‘died’ and come back.
Okay look as a woman of faith I have to say, you should stick to something more achievable - like universal peace, or the rich giving all they own away to the betterment of others. Or maybe the revival of the dead.
thanks to mainstream media and being unable to show breasts on TV, way too few people know about female signs of cardiac distress, and impending heart attacks. they only know about the “pain in the left arm” male symptom.
Please, please, PLEASE, reblog this. i don’t know if I did save or called false alarm, with my boss’ life tonight. I felt I was being a bit paranoid, overreacting, but I told Mirage my thoughts and he, after reading over the article I showed him, immediately sprung into action and then shooed her off to the hospital. I don’t know if I did or not, but I knew she’d been super stressed. She’d off-handedly commented on her arm tingling and I asked her if she felt queasy on a hunch. I went to look at the symptoms and we went from there.
Holy shit, I didn’t even think the symptoms would be different between men and women. This is so hugely important and I don’t understand why we aren’t taught this.
One of the other symptoms that doesn’t get talked about , especially in women, is a “feeling of impending doom”. I am not even kidding, that is a legitimate diagnostic criteria.
Please - if you are feeling any of these symptoms and a sudden onset of “Holy shit the world is ending” do not let anyone tell you it’s “just nerves” or “just heartburn” or something.
Keep these in mind ESPECIALLY IF YOU’VE GOT HEART DISEASE IN YOUR FAMILY! So many more women die from heart attacks than because they don’t recognize the symptoms when they’re so different. Please stay safe and stay informed.
As a woman with heart disease running in her family I am hear to say that not all of these are the symptoms of just women. My dad experienced symptoms 1, 3, 4, and 7 when he had his heart attack. But this is really important!
do you ever just kinda wonder what your selling point as a human being or friend is? like, what was the point at which people were like: hey, I’ll keep this human
