[ilya-sweetheart]

Ilya: Okay everybody listen the fuck up!

Raiders: 👀

Ilya: My Jane said she will send me glasses pic if we win tonight!

Raiders who have experienced this before: Fuck yeah brother 😫🙏

Ilya: So I am not loosing to New fucking Jersey and missing a picture of my pretty Jane in her glasses!

The whole team realising oh shit he means business: Yes captain! 🫡

[blanklier]

hollanov fic recs, part 13! i finally have free time again!! sunlight, i have missed you. you all probably won't though, because here's some more fics

lover's spit mature, 12k, ongoing. the last boston year: moments apart. spit kink and like. the mention of foot fetishes, but mostly feelings. and, well, spit kink.

i could have been somebody else teen, 4k, oneshot. rose and shane friendship, after the breakup. rose doesn't know why men think she should be so desperate to suck dick. shane offers his experience. oh my god, the way i love this fic. rose landry we GOTTA get you a dick for this man to suck. i promise you will be changed. LOVELY friendship too. this author's works make me feel like a dog that's just heard the treat bag rattle.

we’re okay, most days mature, 6k, oneshot. tw for self-harm. ilya has scars on his legs. shane doesn't say anything, and doesn't say anything, and eventually does.

baby, you're not the only one teen, 5k, oneshot. they come out. if only literally anyone could be normal about it, that would be great. hollanov try and get through other queer people's expectations of them mostly alive.

these icy waters explicit, 34k, multichapter. tw for minor character death. somewhat of a supernatural au. ilya is haunted- people around him are starting to die drowned- and he's tucked himself back into a shell of who he was. shane hollander, selkie, is not about to let that shit go unchallenged. closer to horror than mystery, but really good with both.

day 4.5 explicit, 3k, oneshot. cnc, intox sex. shane really doesn't like being high. this works out great when you're trying to play with consensual non-consent. from mean dom ilya week, a fic that drives me insane.

combine mature, 12k, complete. before the draft, players go through a test to find any bond compatibility- hollander and rozanov, as it turns out, are more than rivals. the rest of the world sees a package deal, a great team combo. from the inside, there's a little more at play. really short fic for all the incredible worldbuilding implications it offers.

all the dishes intact unrated, 5k, oneshot. shane is totally fine about being with the centaurs, really. it's just- sometimes. absolutely incredible breakdown fic i ADORE.

unexpected places gen, 2k, oneshot. jackie and shane friendship moment, very early into canon. i think we should get more of this forever. they are so dear to me.

when there's nothing left to burn mature, 23k, ongoing. scott hunter is traded to the montreal metros the same year that shane hollander is made captain. it's a little bit like watching a car crash, emotionally, and also like you just slipped in the shower and are waiting to see if this is a laugh-about-it matter or an er visit one. REALLY fun character study.

Ilya Rozanov's 12 Step Plan For Public Flirting teen, 7k, complete. what it says on the title. also has the PWHL, twitter, and a lot of bickering. really fun.

i want a scar that looks just like you mature, 6k, oneshot. soulmate au, but post-cottage. shane covers his soulmark. ilya doesn't have one. you know i appreciate a good soulmate au.

ransomed teen, 8k, oneshot. omegaverse au. unmated omegas aren't allowed on the ice after their 25th birthday. everyone is fighting over shane hollander. clearly, ilya thinks, the rational course of action is to kidnap him over it.

we go on walks teen, 46k, complete. firewatch au. shane takes up a summer to keep watch over forest fires- isolated except for hayden on the radio and one persistent camper. but there's secrets in the woods. this is like psychological horror, if it were a romance. a MUST read if you like horror; this fic will tug on every instinct and knowledge of the genre you have and leave you white-knuckling your armrest as you repeat to yourself 'i am NOT going to scroll down to find a missing person report for shane hollander' over and over.

spectral shame and other bedroom sports teen, 5k, oneshot. they move into a haunted house. fortunately, the ghost isn't hostile. unfortunately, he's both homophobic AND a prude. hollanov delight in trying to outdo each other in scandalizing him.

it's nice to hear your voice again teen, 3k, oneshot. this is ilya, i will never listen to your voicemail, he said; shane leaves them for him anyway. years later, ilya finds them. just plain cute and lovely.

modern lockets mature, 35k, oneshot. ilya wants, no needs to have shane hollander photocards. and a shrine. the only solution is to use his teammates for camouflage. complete pure and utter crack. i laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

helpless, tender, open explicit, 2k, oneshot. dubcon and bdsm. shane is sick. ilya takes care of him.

periphery teen, 24k, ongoing. you visit the people you know in your dreams, and they visit yours. shane has been dreaming people he doesn't know, in a language he doesn't speak, for years. the most FANTASTIC kind-of soulmate au i have READ i could not tell you how badly this concept fascinates me. so many amazing friendships and ocs. truly a love letter to dreams and friendships. this is one of those fics that leaves you thinking.

apple tree, my brightness explicit, 12k, oneshot. ilya character study, post-cottage. about places. also, i can't reread this when i'm emotional or i might explode. REALLY good.

with your fists for once explicit, 10k, oneshot. ilya character study: touch. he looks at hands and expects a hit. it's the way it's always been, the way it should be. hollander, however, is not that. tw for past child abuse, dubcon, and violence.

make it easy for you explicit, 10k, complete. tpe, free use, human furniture, spit as lube, painful sex. all shane needs to be is good for ilya. to be ilya's. this whole series is incredible AND it makes me horny. god. fuck. read it.

carpe diem, libera noctem explicit, 10k, complete. a past friend of shane's kills himself. he visits ilya in response. tuna melt alternate universe, a really interesting character development, and overall great read.

effleurage mature, 11k, oneshot. ilya gives shane massages. love love love their relationship. they're silly together!!!! pen is an absolute master at their craft (silly in love hollanov) and i encourage you to read all their stuff. especially Shallergies.

performance enhancing strategies mature, 5k, oneshot. shane comes out to the metros about his relationship. with a powerpoint. really fun.

bright light city teen, 8k, oneshot. they fuck up and get married in vegas. turns out, it's a little more complicated than that. a very interesting take on the trope!!

hot, hot, sweat, sweet explicit, 3k, oneshot. fever sex. i just think it's hot when they have sex while they're sick. sweat kink and dacryphilia.

what does this room look like explicit, 14k, oneshot. shane wants to try intox. rape roleplay, drunk sex, and a whole lot of fun.

just let me in your arms explicit, 6k, oneshot. shane sleeps over and wears a t-shirt that ilya has some memories of. not the ones you probably think, though. genuinely so cute and also made me laugh a lot.

find your way back home unrated, 112k, complete. they used to spend all their time together, back when ilya trained in canada with shane as teens. they lose and find each other again. i LOVE a good childhood friends story, and this one has some really lovely friendship and romantic dynamics. (and yes, i left the longest for last)

and the links to parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ten eleven and twelve

[luulapants]

in a reasonable canon, shane would simply have THEE most dependent and intimate relationship with the montreal team nutritionist. like, he has her on speed dial. they text multiple times per day. she spends 60% of her work hours adjusting meal plans for his texture issues and aversions. nobody else really sees how intense their connection is.

when he was crashing out about trading to ottawa, he said, "You know, it's just gonna be really hard to leave melissa," and hayden was sitting right there like. "melissa?? it's gonna be hard to leave MELISSA??"

but i think we can probably convince melissa to move to ottawa with him, don't worry.

[riddlemaster101]

#heated rivalry#cackling about shallergies verse#melissa getting a text that's just 'melissa they put fucking treenuts in my protein bar'#he does not need to specify which one#melissa sighs and puts on her glasses and gets to work#GOD melissa goes on vacation and hears the news that shane had an allergic reaction and is FURIOUS#WHO FUCKED WITH HER RECORD#NOT A SINGLE FUCKING TIME ON HER WATCH HAS SHANE HOLLANDER HAD A REACTION DURING THE SEASON#WHO WANTS TO DIE

via @penandinkprincess

[penandinkprincess]

melissa barging into ottawa's offices and just handing over a contract for her employment.

"um, excuse me, ma'am, who ar-"

"i have kept shane hollander alive and fed his for almost his entire nhl career, and i have invested too much time to stop now."

"but ma'am, we-"

"no more questions. sign."

obviously she's a dietician with a specialty in athletes which means the primary concerns of her patients are 1. need All The Fucking Calories and 2. need All The Fucking Protein, but in my heart, she is the flavor of dietician who focuses also on enjoyment and satiety (fun fact: you actually digest food better and get more nutrition out of food you like eating). like you're going to eventually get sick of how much you have to eat by the time you're 3/4 of the way through the season, but by GOD WILL SHE TRY TO MAKE THINGS ENJOYABLE AS LONG AS SHE CAN.

so she meets 20 year old shane who already comes into this meeting apologetic because he KNOWS this is all specific and it's a pain to have aversions when he already has allergies to work around, so he doesn't mind a lot of repetition when-

and melissa is just ✋ i did not put in the work to get this degree only to suck at this job. let's talk texture preferences.

(melissa does NOT know about mango time) (shane is kind of afraid of what she would do to him if she found out) (he cannot have melissa being mad at him it would actually send him into a nervous breakdown)

[moyothevampireduck]

There’s a type of fic I really enjoy: the character studies of hollanov from a third person POV. Sometimes from the perspective of Shane’s parents, their teammates, their friends or literal strangers they just met. It really reminds me of this sentence I randomly read on the internet once: I don’t believe in soulmates, but they’re undoubtedly each other’s soulmate.

This is wholesomely and some other times painfully portrayed in so many different moments throughout the show and books.

Marleau: “Wow, this Montreal girl works you up brother. You’re straight up blushing Roz.” Feat. A totally not blushing Ilya.

Hayden: “Boston Lily is texting you, have fun! I don’t care!” Feat. Shane saying no in text, yet being honest with his body, rushing to Ilya’s room for a quick hookup.

Rose: “Can I ask if you’ve ever been with another guy? Was it different with a guy? Was it better?” Feat. Flashbacks to key hollanov loving and yearning moments.

Svetlana: “You know he’s gorgeous. And you know he’s good. I would love to see you on a line with him.” Feat. Ilya considering playing wing for Shane despite wrestling Svetlana for even suggesting that.

Ruby: “Is he your husband? Are you his husband?” Feat. The untainted honest child curiosity and an instinct to detect love.

There are plenty of works that I can think of, but there’s this one fic that inspired this post: Walls by AC91. It is basically a multi POV one shot studying their relationship through accidental voyeurism. Definitely made me question things about myself lmao. Fan fiction are often born as a necessity to fulfill a desire the original work didn’t satisfy. In my case, I think the reasons are the following:

1. Our identity are fundamentally shaped by our interactions with others. Knowing more interactions means knowing more about someone.

This idea is inspired by Sartre and his theory on identity, alongside what I have rambled previously about C. S. Lewis. So, disclaimer, I haven’t read Sartre’s work (my bad, but my to read list is long and heated rivalry has kidnapped me) and mostly know him by proxy of citations (sorry if I understood his ideas wrong). There’s this paper by Mcmullin (2011) explaining his conception of identity that left an impact on me: “The encounter with the other person's evaluating look makes it clear that the self—like other objects in the world—is available for third-person appraisal and assessment. Through such experiences of being seen and evaluated, the encounter with the other person grants one a heightened mode of self-awareness. The gaze of the other is experienced as genuinely revealing dimensions of who and what I am—dimensions of myself that are unavailable without the mediating gaze of another person.”

This is very explicit in the Svetlana and Ilya section of the fic for me. How Sveta and Alexei’s opinions shaped and gave me a new perspective of Ilya.

In the fic Alexei says the following: “Ilyusha is a bottomless pit of need, Svetochka. He needs too much from people. [...] Nobody can give him what he needs. He's like Mama, Svetochka. He'll die like Mama, because he needs too much and he will never get it. He's not like you and me. He can’t accept life for what it is.”

Svetlana agreed, but then, she saw them together and realised: “Shane needed Ilya as much as Ilya needed him.”

In their morning after chat Ilya affirmed Svetlana the idea of how happy he is: “We had good times. [...] With you, it was something. But with him, it’s everything.”

Of course there is no need for someone else's recognition for something to be true necessarily, but Ilya was definitely smug about it. I felt he was even happier when Svetlana acknowledged his happiness. His intensity is matched. He can be himself without restrains. His happiness is overflowing.

2. Knowing more about others allows us to know more about ourselves.

Point one also applies in reverse, of course. I feel this is highlighted in Luca's section of the fic. One of my favourite head canons is that Luca knows he’s gay/bi/pan, proudly so, or at least it doesn’t cause him any issues internally. Unlike Shane and Ilya, he used to play in the Swiss league before coming to the MHL, the locker room culture is a bit different: people keep their personal opinions and private lives more segregated, they might still be gay or homophobic (or both lol), but they’ll try to keep it to themselves. That’s why Luca doesn’t flaunt his sexuality, but he doesn’t necessarily hide it either off the ice. Of course there’s also the gay or European discourse that can make things murky.

Nevertheless, he is still a baby, the young centaur still has a lot to discover about himself. What he likes or dislikes in a relationship. What are his hard needs and boundaries. How he can juggle a professional sportsperson career with his love life in an LGTBQ+ unwelcoming league.

“Luca's head was spinning with everything he had overheard. It was too much. He had intruded beyond what was acceptable, but it answered so many questions he had.”

Hollanov are going to be his role models. Very positive ones, both on ice and off ice. He is not alone, and that's going to help, a lot. Maybe this is why he never got his book, he is just a good boy with good mentors and he is just going to be happy! Sometimes, some people can have enough support so that the queer experience is not as traumatic. I feel that will be Luca's case.

Exploring Hollanov dynamics doesn't only allow me to know more about them. It also allows me to learn more about those who observe them.

3. They don’t need to hide anymore, and now the “questionable behaviour” is reversed, what induces the feelings and emotions is them being seen and found accidentally in their most intimate moments.

You know how hollanov had to hide around as if they were doing something wrong and scandalous for more than a decade? Now it's the other way around... The people prying on their privacy are the ones who need to hide. And this is oddly satisfying to witness. Like a mini revenge.

There are differences in the legality of voyeurism or even its definition depending on the country. There is obviously a distinction on whether it is accidental, incidental, patterned, consensual or not. I actually learnt about how it's in some diagnostic manuals as a disorder, that was a bit of a surprise but makes sense if it causes distress and trouble in someone's life.

Of course, in the case of “Walls”, they are all accidental, but it made me think of those other works where someone maliciously leaks content about them. Be it secret recordings, messages, etc. Well, the fanmail event is canon lol. Regardless, it feels good that once they are officially out of the closet, that means they can protect themselves better against these kinds of intrusions if they want.

It is lowkey a chance they unknowingly got to show everyone how they are for real, they truly love each other and can't take off their hands off each other. Most people only knew the fake media side of them and their relationship after all. Yuna and David were definitely worried and within reason. However, more than anything it just shows that they are made for each other.

Not everyone can be as intense as they are with each other. They are both needy and willing to satisfy the other's needs. You don't meet someone like that every day, and that's probably why they kept gravitating towards each other for so long.

I do not personally know Ilya nor Shane, but it’s through the lens of other characters how I have a different look into them. I have countless head canons myself of course. Some things might be true, some others might just be subjective interpretations, but it gives a broader picture and possibilities that I enjoy. Same with all the different perspectives from other fans.

Reference:

Mcmullin, I. (2011). Love and Entitlement: Sartre and Beauvoir on the Nature of Jealousy. Hypatia, 26(1), 102–122. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23016681

[penandinkprincess]

Ok so I read your shallergies fics and first of all: magical, show stopping, stupendous, thank you for your talent.

Second of all!!! In one of your fics you have like an almost throw away line where Hayden mentions he’s had to stop the other Voyageurs/Metros players from fucking with Shane’s food and like. Now my mind is rife with the ✨possibilities✨ of that scenario. Like. One of them adds peanuts or something to something Shane thinks is safe as a prank and Hayden doesn’t catch it and suddenly Shane is in anaphylaxis and everyone is freaking the fuck out. The next time Ilya plays Montreal that one player gets laid the FUCK out for some reason.

combo-ing with @pitrosa just because both of y'all were getting to the same DELICIOUS possibility of a wild amount of angst.

like the idea of someone fucking with shane's food at a party at jackie and hayden's place not because they know shane is allergic but because they're shitty and i 100% buy some bigoted asshole seeing it as a way shane is just trying to be special and other. so they knowingly do something like stir in some peanut butter or mix in some coconut oil. literally just something they see easily available in this one minute window in the kitchen they have when they're just being an asshole.

and even beyond just the nightmare of now shane has a reaction and this is one more thing that the team didn't know about previously and can spin into "so you didn't trust us?" IGNORING WHAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED HERE, the fact that like. now shane isn't safe eating at events. or even fucking. being at events, tbh. like GOD the isolation of your team is cold to you now and you don't know which one of them fucked with you and you don't know that one or more of them won't do it again to hurt you. and it's not like any of them are going to fess up and own it because bigots are cowards and ALSO (even though shane wouldn't do it, i don't think) this is now like. pressing charges level.

and it's ONE MORE FUCKING THING that shane was afraid of!! and then it happened to him!!! what a fucking HEINOUS contribution to his anxiety getting worse while also feeling so isolated because even if hayden and jackie are equally PISSED and still invite you over when it's just y'all and you KNOW the food is safe. what the fuck are you even supposed to do here?

you are once again the kid alone at the allergy table, and this time it's because everyone else (it feels like) put you there on purpose.

[penandinkprincess]

also adding to this is that i know hayden would be fucking LIVID about this and ready to square the FUCK up with an asshole. like it's enough that they fucked with shane, but they also did it in HAYDEN'S house. where he has tried for years to make shane feel comfortable. he invited everyone into his home and they hurt his best friend, who has priority in being here over everyone as far as he's concerned.

and stuff with jj is SO complicated with the ilya of it all, but jj is shane's friend and i don't think?? was bad about him coming out?? (just being with ilya and not telling jj about that??) (if i remember correctly??) so we also have jj now angry on shane's behalf. and yeah, maybe he might be hurt that shane didn't tell him, but your friend having to go to the hospital has a way of kind of lining priorities up.

which means we now have blatant dividing lines down this team of who is falling on which side in a way that maybe wasn't even the case when it was about shane being gay. because this is a tangible and real thing that someone has used to hurt shane *could* use to hurt shane again. (and again! don't know exactly who it was!) and like it is NOT shane's fault. but i 100% see him feeling like it's his fault (and maybe even hearing that it's his fault from other people because well cap isn't keeping the team together now, is he?)

[darlingofdots]

also thinking of the awful moment when Shane realises he's having a reaction and it's a bad one, this is dangerous, and there's people everywhere and he KNOWS Jackie wouldn't be so careless and she knows what to do but he can't see her right now and he doesn't remember if his jacket is on a hanger in the entry or with the pile in one of the guest rooms and okay, wait, there's an epipen in the kitchen because he's here so often, if he gets that he just needs to find Hayden to call an ambulance for him—meanwhile the guys are watching Shane Hollander start wheezing and turning a very alarming colour and his face is swelling up and he's stumbling past people and crashing into furniture and it's genuinely scary, it's actually terrifying, what the fuck? and the Pikes are dropping everything and zeroing in on him because right, they've always been like this, fucking weird, if Hollzy wasn't gay they'd all think he was fucking Jackie, but right now she's holding his face in her hands like he's made of glass and Pike is forcing him to sit on the floor and he's on the phone and looks like he's about to punch a motherfucker and when Jackie climbs into the ambulance with Hollander the house has been deathly silent for five minutes as everyone realises, whether they know what happened or not, that another line has been crossed and there's no going back

[penandinkprincess]

GOD shane in the middle of fucking anaphylaxis having to try and think of "gotta get out of sight gotta get out of sight gotta get out of sight" because the vibe with the team is already Fucking Weird, and he sure as HELL isn't going to have THIS happen in front of them.

but like. you can only hide anaphylaxis so fucking much.

so the worst of it happens out of sight with jackie helping shane into one of the guest rooms on the first floor while hayden goes to grab his jacket for him.

and also the double whammy FURY in the aftermath of now someone has hurt hayden's best friend in his home AND scared the hell out of his children because they had to watch uncle shane get so sick and are now upset because he had to leave the house in an ambulance with mommy. and the distribution of labor in that choice was jackie also being pissed and knowing, "either i'm going in this ambulance, or i'm catching a fucking charge today." and hayden being left to try and work out what the fuck just went down here because he's equally furious but at least has some level of knowing all of the guys here, but now he's trying to get updates on shane, calm the kids down and promise them uncle shane is okay and yeah they can maybe visit him later if he feels up to it, and also work out who the fuck decided they wanted to die today.

and with all of this?? like HELL is the person who did it thinking it was just a mean ass prank going to speak up. because this is now "maybe catching a charge for poisoning cap" territory and also a FURIOUS hayden pike is visibly ready to throw hands. time to keep it to yourself and SKEDADDLE.

[penandinkprincess]

GOD 100% I think hayden and jackie would be like YEP THAT'S DONE with hosting, but now??? soooo??? where is hosting going to happen?? ain't going to be shane's house.

and now showing up at someone's house when they host is a fucking STATEMENT, especially if it's someone who is especially notably Not Cool with shane.

and the way shane would still be taking the blame for this!! both from the shitty ones on the team and also feeling like it's his fault!! because the team is literally splintering around him and what the FUCK is he supposed to do about it!!

and the growing tension!! certainly doesn't make him feel LESS like someone is going to fuck with him!!

[penandinkprincess]

YOU STOP THAT

TWENTY MINUTE TIMEOUT IN THE SANDBOX D:<

[penandinkprincess]

god and the EXTREMELY complex feelings shane would have about the rookie in the aftermath.

like NO of course he doesn't want this kid's career nuked because he was stupid and ended up being a patsy for fucking with shane-

-but also. he did do it.

like yeah the kid hero worshipped him in a way that was a little overwhelming but also?? kind of a relief?? when it felt like so much of the team was icing him out?? and yet when it came down to shane or the rest of the team, the rookie sided with the rest of the team to fuck with him. and he didn't KNOW it was serious, but he also didn't know it WASN'T.

and shane being so fucking angry that he knows he's supposed to forgive the kid here, but why does he ALWAYS have to be the one forgiving? why does he just have to take it on the chin and keep going and keep his head up and don't snap and don't not smile when you're supposed to and don't ever let that mask slip, young man, because it won't take much for those cheers to turn to jeers-

and even when he's trying SO FUCKING HARD why does it feel like he's still fucking FAILING.

[penandinkprincess]

vladi you have to STOP speaking because you are putting broken glass in the sandbox 😭😭😭

the idea of shane who is already having A Bad Fucking Time but now feeling SO fucking guilty and using what sway he has to put spin on this through The Power Of Yuna so the kid is never going to get back on montreal obviously, but A Team will take him because he IS a good player and shane issued a statement to the equivalent of, "I appreciate the pro-active response of my team," and GOD this would fucking suck to have to read over for approval because WHAT fucking response, "but I wanted to clear up a misundestanding of an unfortunate accident blah blah blah" that's as vague as possible but absolves the rookie of any active malice and plays it off as "stupid kid did a thing without realizing it would have consequences, but i get it," which helps the kid out but also makes shane look understanding and gracious and magnanimous. he got positioned as an asshole who came down hard on a rookie for no reason, so this press release does then make it, "hey, misunderstandings happened. i didn't mean for anything to happen here."

but also just. fucks him over further. montreal looks like they were a good team that just got a little overzealous in protecting shane hollander because of COURSE you would do that for shane hollander (and god the irony is thick enough to almost SMOTHER him), and meanwhile: NOTHING IS BETTER. NOTHING IS FIXED. THE VIBES ARE STILL FUCKING RANCID. SHANE STILL CAN'T FUCKING EAT AROUND HIS TEAM BECAUSE MAYBE SAFE BUT MAYBE NOT. ESPECIALLY IF HE'S ALREADY PLAYED IT OFF ONCE AS, "misunderstanding, things happen, that's life." BUT HE'S A GOOD SPORT, EVERYONE. HE'S A TEAM FUCKING PLAYER. HE IS SHANE HOLLANDER, BEST SPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT OF THEM ALL.

AND HE IS FUCKING DROWNING IN IT.

and making this worse is that the rookie is SO fucking thankful. like his hockey HERO saved his ass here after he was stupid and could have killed him. shane has never been more of a legend to him. and the kid wants to come up to him at every game they play against each other and say thank you again which is. so not fucking helpful. for trying to Repress The Shit Out Of The All Of This. and what is shane supposed to do! tell him to fuck off??? no! can't do that! this rookie was part of a nuke designed to blow shane's life apart, but he didn't mean it and shane is SUCH a good fucking sport and that's hockey and if you're just good enough and gracious enough and work hard enough, then everyone will let you have a place, right?

right?

[penandinkprincess]

@shakespearerants

#heated rivalry#I will never shut up and this is a threat >:)#But it's truly like. Shane was the one who got hurt and now every fucking thing he does is just being#The Bigger Person™ and Keeping It Together™ and Smooting Things Over™ and Calming Everyone Down™.#Like paradoxically because he was the one hurt in the situation it's now his responsibility to manage the consequences of that situation#for everyone. He's the one with the near death experience and he's also the one not allowed to feel things about that near death experience#Because his reaction is being scrutinized and will determine how EVERYONE handles this. And if he wants a good outcome i.e. keeping his job#and not blowing up the team dynamic to a truly nuclear degree...he has to downplay it. It wasn't that serious. We were all having a laugh.#Of course rookie should still play management is overreacting. No I don't feel unsafe in the locker room why would you ask that hahaha.#And at the same time he watches EVERYONE ELSE AROUND HIM get the luxury of freaking out and leaning on their partners. Ilya turning into#a white-hot ball of rage. The team closing ranks. Hayden and Jackie and JJ on their righteous crusade. The rookie breaking down in front#of him and being carried off by his boyfriend. And if SHANE allows himself even a fraction of these reactions. Or if he even indulges#in the sin of breaking down in public and having HIS boyfriend carry him off to comfort him about it. He loses something he can't give up.#Like it truly is a fucking lose-lose for Shane Hollander and the worst part is he truly doesn't have a choice in the matter.#Like there's this thing that happens when a victim of bullying speaks out about their experience where there's a big outcry and people#are like WE HAVE TO CHANGE THINGS and often the bullies themselves speak out and go WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THAT SERIOUS#WE WANT TO DO BETTER. Where you'd think this would lead to meaningful change but in reality what happens is they sit the victim down and go#“so :). Tell us what to do exactly :). So you'll forgive us :). And we're absolved :).” And then anything the victim says that isn't#YOU STOPPED BULLYING ME THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED is proof that they just want attention. And after that sit down happens the victim isn't#allowed to have negative feelings or any kind of resentment towards the bullies anymore bc What do you mean we fixed the situation :)#and in fact the victim is often expected to kind of act as “proof” that the bullies are good people because hey look if I was a bad person#I wouldn't be friends with the guy I used to bully haha! Tell them how great I am or I'm sticking your head in the toilet again haha!#Anyways this is basically the dynamic between Shane and the team after the incident I think. Like management fired the rookie and forced#them all to sit through some training or other so now Everything Is Resolved OR ELSE. And if Shane DIDN'T try to get the rookie reinstated#and if he DIDN'T try to stick it out with the locker room and if he EVER brought it up again. Well. That's where public opinion#turns against you. Thankfully my man has Ilya & Hayden & JJ to remind him that there is a secret third option: Just Fucking Leave.#Not that Shane would out of his own free will but that's truly the only thing you can do in that kind of situation. Get out of there.#Vladi speaks

the way this ALSO then fucks him over with even being able to address homophobia on the team. like he was already trying to muscle through it, but now!! can't bring it up even if he fucking wanted to!!!! sorry, champ, you got your one (1) "hey, this sucks" card and you used it!! even though nothing changed!!! and if you try to speak out now, management is going to shut you the FUCK up because they can't risk something else happening when this ended so neatly and nicely! they look good now! they look supportive! no chance in HELL they're risking that now for a little thing like "hey, vibe's weird"!

and! if you go public about it! not that you would even fucking WANT TO! but if you tried! good chance the public wouldn't be with you! because now you would just sound whiny! like you missed being in the spotlight and had to come up with something else!

congrats champ! you good sported yourself into a corner AND YOU WERE BACKED INTO IT FROM THE START. all of your options SUCKED. and you still!! had to choose one!!!

[penandinkprincess]

#Elmofire.gif YOU GET IT!!!!!#Truly this has happened to me and it's the worst feeling in the world bc you kind of have to gaslight yourself to believe the shit you're#saying or you literally can't do it. And re: your tags - yes. The bone shattering knowledge that your acceptance in the group hinges on#their collective option which could change at any moment all it takes is someone getting annoyed at you in the wrong moment. And even worse#You try to explain this to people and they go WOW you're overreacting have you considered therapy!! And then you go to therapy#and your therapist sits you down and goes let's unpack these fears :) why do you believe this could happen to you :). And you go Well#because it literally did and if anything I'm downplaying the risk of it happening again and the consequences to my person if it did if#I'm being honest :). And then you just sit in silence for 5 minutes while your therapist visibly adjusts your whole treatment plan on the#fly. Anyways I think it takes YEARS for Shane to feel safe eating things when out of house again and I think a big step in the#healing direction might genuinely be getting an allergy service dog that's sniff trained because then at least he has an “objective” second#opinion and doesn't have to rely on trust that no one would want to poison him alone (wild sentence but like. It literally happened!!)#ONLY. An allergy service dog is a visible disability aid. Like it doesn't really GET more visible. And I think there would be a lot of#therapy needed for Shane to even get to the point where he could lead a visible reminder of a “weakness” around on a leash in public.#But I think the turning point here would be Ruby Pike who is also in therapy after witnessing her uncle Shane almost die overhearing#Shane having a whisper argument with Hayden about how he's not getting a fucking allergy dog do you know what that would LOOK LIKE

#Hayden he CAN'T he just has to be more careful - and then Ruby breaks into tears Uncle Shane you can train a dog to tell you#if you can eat something? Uncle Shane maybe you can get a dog and then you'll be safe again and you won't have to die? (bc Ruby of course i#not handling her first confrontation with mortality well and genuinely believes Shane might come in contact with something and keel over#on the street at any time) And maybe then she and Jade and Arthur and Amber can come over to his house again if the dog sniffs them#really well and makes sure she didn't accidentally touch a peanut? (all of the Pike kids have noticed Uncle Ilya is coming over alone most#of the time now and there haven't been any dinners at the Hollanov Household since the incident - though that one is coincidence).#Anyways the next week a working line German Shepherd puppy moves into Shane's appartment. Puppy showed great promise at first litter#evaluations and both parents are bomb sniffing dogs. Puppy immediately starts training and as German Shepherds do becomes SO serious#about his job. Like learns to sniff out multiple allergens and has a trained signal (paw to knee) for contamination but if he feels Shane i#getting rid of The Bad Smell fast enough he WILL start growling at the offending item. Six months into training Shane and doggo are on thei#daily morning 5 k run (working line dogs...) and suddenly dog who normally has IMPECCABLE leash manners fully starts pulling Shane off the#path with all his considerable strength. Shane is like ??????!!! turns out the guy sitting on the bench 20 m ahead was eating trail mix#containing multiple allergens. Shane feels. A lot safer going places after that.

#Also Dog of course as German Shepherds do feels Extremely strongly about The Rules and Good Behavior and thus views Anya and her antics #Also Dog of course as German Shepherds do feels Extremely strongly about The Rules and Good Behavior and thus views Anya and her antics#with a sort of stressed bafflement at first (Shane said sit why aren't you sitting???!!!) and aloofness once Hollanov more in together and#thus the dogs now live together too (Shane said sit and she's not sitting... couldn't be THIS good boy...). Ilya of course tries to#introduce some fun into dogs life because Shane look at him always so serious he has to be on vacation SOMETIMES!! Maybe at least at the#cottage yes there are no allergens at the cottage AND nobody but your parents visits he can be on vacation at the cottage at least!!!#Only Ilya's methods for introducing fun into dogs life are tailored to Absurdly Treat Motivated Counter Surfer Unholy Terror For A Little#Cheese Anya and dog is simply Above Such Nonsense (read: toy motivated) and as such couldn't care less about whatever special treat you hav#in your hand No Thank You he is Getting His Leash it is Mandatory Daily Exercise Time. But once Ilya finds the perfect squeaky toy it's#OVER for Mr Serious (it's a loon) (because of course it is) (have some dog content as apology for putting glass in the sand box)#Also I think he has a cheesy Russian name like Sputnik or Belka and it is genuinely a coincidence that's literally his kennel name but Shan#can't help feeling that it's right that the dog training to keep him safe is named in the same language as the man who's been doing that#for years already :)#Vladi speaks#Reblogging again because TUMBLR ATE HALF OF MY TAGS!!!

@shakespearerants

I WOULD DIE FOR SPUTNIK

i also love the idea of this near-puppy being SO deadly fucking serious about his job. he is "MR. PRESIDENT GET DOWN" levels of Focused on doing his tasks. if shane isn't listening to tap tap tap tap tap tap at his knee, nikky WILL just bap it right out of his hands. daddy, that is BAD. PUT IT DOWN.

also the idea of sputnik meeting anya who is a little chaos creature (affectionate) and just

at this dog who does not only not tell daddy about The Bad Foods, but also??? STEALS FOOD??? she investigated daddy's plate TO TRY AND STEAL SOME???

sputnik's fuzzy little mind is BLOWN. baby came from a working! family! this behavior is BEYOND THE PALE.

and i'm cackling about the idea of this near-puppy just YELLING at anya because no!! the rules!! you are not doing The Rules!!!! nikky is POINTEDLY doing a PERFECT sit. you want a shake paw? he'll give you the best shake paw this town has ever seen. goodest boy is a DELIGHT on the leash meanwhile wild child sister is a little MONSTER who is also papa's little princess so her correction is tragically limited lmao.

AND SPUTNIK HAVING A VACATION EACH YEAR. I AM SO FULL OF LOVE AND LIGHT. nikky with his loon toy on his patio bed chilling in the sunshine and squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak until anya comes over to lovingly bother him into a game of bitey face.

and baby fucking LOVES the water. he will dive after his toy into the water as many times as you'll sit there and throw it for him. he is a water! baby! having the time of his LIFE.

but also SUCH a polite boy going back to the house. has to get rinsed off of the lakewater and always stands so well at the door with SUCH good manners to get his paws wiped off before he goes inside. world's best little rule maker AND follower.

meanwhile if that sliding door is juuuuuust big enough for anya's to squeeze through while someone is handing a towel over??? enjoy the mud monster beelining RIGHT for the couch lmao.

also the idea of anya putting together food=tap on knee=reward??? but not really knowing what connection there is there meaning that anya teaches herself "slap the SHIT out of people's knees" as a trick NO ONE WANTS HER TO BE DOING.

but boy oh BOY is she convinced it's going to pay off in treats one day. XD

[wermbrain]

"Would you ever want to go to space?"

Ilya is sitting on top of the toilet seat lid, phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder, cutting his toenails. 300 miles away, Shane is ironing his game day slacks, phone on speaker.

"No. Not really."

"Never?"

"I don't know, it seems hard. Like, the training and stuff."

"You're Shane Hollander. You would do it so easy."

Ilya says this a lot: You're Shane Hollander. Like that explains everything.

"I don't know if I want to. Don't you have to eat, like, freeze dried food?"

"Oh my god, Hollander. Imagine it is luxury spaceship. You have full gym and hockey rink and yummy homemade food you can eat and a giant window to watch the stars from. Would you want to go to space?"

Shane is silent as he thinks. Ilya carefully clips a toenail and watches it fly across the bathroom. Then, Shane:

"Are you going with me?"

"Would that change your answer?"

"Maybe."

"Then yes."

Shane thinks some more, focusing on folding the pleat of his slacks just right, then presses the hot iron on top. He makes one, two passes over the fold, then sets the iron down.

"I don't know. I kinda like it down here."

"You would rather be at your cottage?"

Shane squints at a spot on the leg of his pants. Leans in closer, tries to smudge it away with his finger.

"Yeah. I like hearing the birds sing." Licks his finger, tries again. "In the morning."

"You could have recordings of it in space. Listen every day, like an alarm."

"Well then that's not birds singing. That's recordings of birds singing."

[darlingofdots]

What if Ilya finds out about Shane’s allergies when he visits him in the hospital? the receptionist who lets him through tells him he can't bring any food items with him and there are half a million "NO NUTS NO LTX" signs stuck to the door and Shane has a neon ALLERGIES wristband on when he makes his cute lil grabby hand for Ilya and he is way too out of it to give a comprehensible answer so he's all "it's cos I can't stab myself right now :) peanuts are evil :(" and he clearly doesn't want to talk about it because he was going to ask Ilya something :) so Ilya goes home already frantically googling and then of course Shane can't be on his phone for a while because of the concussion so while Shane is basking in the afterglow of "he came to see me in the hospital and he held my hand and he said maybe", Ilya is freaking the fuck out reading allergy blogs and having nightmares about Shane besieged by tree nuts

[overanalyzingheatedrivalry]

Heated Rivalry Episode 1 Scene 12: Rookie Season Face-Off and French Interview (29.30 - 31.44 ) Analysis

Once again this is just my read on the show and any input is more than welcome. This post is going to deal with racism. Not being POC myself my point of view might be mostly worthless and if I say anything off please let me know. I am trying to be respectful here but if my words come out wrong I am so sorry about that.

29.30 - 30.06 Let's Get Ready To Rumble!!!

It is mentioned in the Draft Scene that the Metro's have "Broken Barriers" before but historically the first POC player (Willie O'Ree '58-'79) on a national team was actually on Boston's team (Bruins) and played his first game against Montreal.

Based on surface level looks between the two teams (who would have 23 players each but only 29 actors are visible between the two teams) there are only two POC (maybe three because we can't see J.J.) and they are both on the Metro's line.

I bring this up to highlight how very white the MLH is so when I talk about it in the next section it makes sense. (Based on NHL stats 97-90% of players/officials are white and 83% of the entire organization is white. I did the math for the percentage of POC players in this post.)

We get another indication of just how good Shane and Ilya are as players in this scene.

There's only 43 seconds left of game play and the score is tied. If either team wants to win they need to send out their best players.

We also get told through the series that Metro/Raiders are arch rivals. Winning against each other probably means more to both teams/fans than winning against any other team.

So to have two fresh rookies take point in the final face-off of the game lets us know just how much weight their teams are already putting on them. 

There are some really cool things happening in the audio track here I want to talk about. 

When this scene first starts and we have the score banner across the top of the screen the audio is slightly muffled as if we are watching this game playing on a TV at home. 

We also can hear a large crowd chattering, letting us know just how big this game is for both teams and fans. These aren’t bottom of the ranking teams with only a small but dedicated fan base. 

At the line, “Are they going to give the people what they want?” the crowd suddenly starts roaring. These two fresh face rookies are already well known for their supposed rivalry and prowess. 

Side note: We never see much overt evidence of Ilya and Shane’s rivalry because to them there isn’t one. It is only in moments like these, when we have an outsider’s view, that we see just how blown up the narrative around them becomes. 

Back to the audio. As we zoom in on Shane and Ilya at the face-off we also get an audible zoom (a zooming sound effect). All the noise of the other players and fans is suddenly gone. There is still background noise but it’s empty and echoing. It makes it feel like Shane and Ilya are all alone in this huge space. 

We get a cool repeated scene, the director in the CCM Ad calling Shane’s name then to Yuna calling it in scene 7, and now the announcer saying Ilya’s name and Ilya taking the announcer’s place to say Shane’s.

Another interesting thing to point out is that this is the first and only time Ilya says Shane’s first name in front of him until the Tuna Melt Down in episode 4. (If I’m misremembering please let me know).

Ilya is allowing himself an emotional closeness he doesn’t allow when they are in private. Since they are in public there is already a built in distance so saying Shane’s first name is safe.

@devussie commented this amazing nugget. "Will you disappoint them (the Asian community) (your brand sponsors) (your family) (your team) (hockey/the league)?" And I swooned. This all this. It might not be exactly what Ilya means but it's what Shane hears.

And while Ilya is watching Shane’s face during the face-off Shane doesn’t make eye contact and is already looking down at the ice when he replies with, “No” to Ilya’s playful chirp.

It wouldn’t be wild to say Ilya was in part momentarily distracted by looking at Shane. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that was why Shane won the face-off (he is so good he could have won either way) but it is something to think about. 

This could also be part of his Autism or not wanting to look at the man he has sexual desire for.

Their silent bubble is broken by the crowd and the referee’s whistle as the puck drops. The quiet world between them will always be interrupted by others and their career. 

30.06 - 30.36 He Just Wanted to See His French Boy Speak

Once again we get a really cool prop choice to show this interview on a period appropriate TV. It grounds us in this world and makes us believe this interview was recorded in 2010.

There is also the MLH league Network logo in the corner of the recording, this isn’t just some small local news outlet. 

I also think the choice to have the glare of the light on the screen from Ilya’s hotel room lamp is brilliant. Having the glare makes this scene feel real, it’s not overly polished and fake like a lot of media these days is. We feel like we are in the room watching with Ilya.

Now a couple of notes on Shane’s French here (I asked the good people of tumbr what they thought of his accent). Apparently Shane, while being perfectly understable, has an extremely thick accent. But he is also following a pretty fast paced interview perfectly fine. 

Montreal is a bilingual city and most people (71%) speak Québécois French (a regional dialect) as their first language. And 80% use it as their main language. 

So while Shane has more leeway (56% speak both English and French) he would still have to rely on speaking his second language most of the time. (For comparison only 0.3% of Americans speak Russian. Boston has the 14th biggest Russian community in the states at 7,262 people which is a little over 1% of all people in Boston proper.) 

Shane also looks just as sweaty as Ilya did in the scene 11 post, once again selling the believability of this world.

Now onto the interview itself. Shane has a “good boy” canadian image to maintain so he has to step lightly. Anything “arrogant” he says will be used against him. And it will only fuel their supposed rivalry. 

(I’ve heard this but I’m not 100% sure if it’s true or not, so correct me if I’m wrong.) Hockey is a sport where players are expected to direct any attention they might get as an individual back on the team. You’re not supposed to be the star player but just a piece of the puzzle. So a lot of Shane’s dodging, beyond wanting to keep his reputation intact, could be for that reason. 

As the interviewer asks her question about Tiger Woods and Serena Williams we can see Shane close off and his smile falls. 

While his answers might have been redirecting the conversation before his tone and face had slight giddiness to it. He is proud he bet Ilya and scored (even if he can’t say it), but instead of continuing to focus on Hockey in the interview the reporters asks an invasive question that Shane isn’t allowed to be upset about.

The comparison to Tiger Woods and Serena Williams here is extremely telling of the type of racism Shane faces throughout his life.

Both Tiger Woods and Serena Williams are at the top of their sport and it's important for visibility and representation to recognize they are both POC in predominantly white sports.

But that visibility, the fact they are so well known outside of their sport, is in-part a product of racism. They are spoken of so much, by people not even interested in golf/tennis, that they’ve become part of pop culture. And for the most part they are being recognized for being “anomalies" rather than for being incredibly talented. We don't have this same level of player name recognition in other sports that have more diverse players and fans. (Though this could also be in part because neither golf or tennis is a team sport.)

My point about those two names is, could you off the top of your head name the current worlds best baseball player? Probably not. And I think most Americans wouldn't be able to either. And baseball is a much bigger sport than either golf or tennis so why are those two names part of pop culture? Because racism.

All their achievements, and every move, are linked back to their race. They aren't allowed to just be the best in their field, they are the best POC player. And saying it like that diminishes their accomplishments. You could be the best POC player in a sport and still be the 100 best player. They are the best and just so happen to be POC and the latter shouldn't be brought up at every turn or used as a preface for their talent.

I'm not saying that being POC shouldn't be acknowledged but I think it should be up to that player to choose when and how to bring that up in a conversation, not by interviewers and random strangers. Especially like in this interview where it seems like she is looking for a headline.

Throughout the series it is never Shane who brings up his race but always other people. And while it might help others who "look like him" see themselves in hockey it isn't fair to force him to take on that role.

But the media would and it would constantly be brought up by announcers and sports analysts (some probably in good faith). People with no interest in Hockey would bring him up too. They would talk about how groundbreaking he is and then not bring up the fact he is a beast at hockey. 

Especially when you consider that if Shane was likely to hint at negative reactions to his race in the league, management and officials would likely drum him out. He is too new here to "raise a stink". He has yet to become so famous and well known that silently kicking him out of the league becomes impossible.

The reporter asking this isn't just being subtly racist but also risking his career. If this question wasn’t about his race she would have brought up the greatest hockey players in history. Hell, it would even be a cute place to bring up Scott Hunter’s name. But no, this white interviewer wants to make this win about him being “Asian, or Asian-Canadian”. 

30. 36 - 31.44 Stop Interrupting Alexei! 

I mentioned Shane’s accent earlier so that I can mention Ilya’s reaction here. Since Ilya doesn’t speak French he doesn’t know Shane’s accent is just as thick as his own. He is also watching an interview with no subtitles so has no idea what is being said. And I’m not sure he would even catch the implications of the final question if he were.

And yet Ilya still says “Mister Hollander… Kak éto, byt’ ideál’nym?” (Мистер Холландер… Как это, быть идеальным?) “Mr. Hollander… What is it like, to be perfect?” while sulking in his hotel room. (Once again thank you @ilyasaysitbetter for their translation and explanation. Seriously, their insight is so interesting.)

Now there is an interesting aspect of the difference between the on screen translation vs what is actually said. The official translation says, “How does it feel to be perfect?” The interesting word is “feel”. Ilya doesn’t ask “how it feels” (what is it like emotionally), he asks “what is it like” (how does it affect you). 

So much of Ilya and Shane’s problems are rooted in not knowing and understanding each other’s struggles. They could have easily bonded over having to rely so heavily on their second languages. They could have bonded over the “Russians are bad” (present in a lot of action media) and “Good Canadian boy” stereotypes. They could have bonded over parental expectations. There are so many things they could bond over, but because they refuse to talk (mostly on Ilya’s part) the only thing they connect over is their sexual attraction and hockey. 

The next line is also an interesting misalignment of words spoken and the translation. The translation says “Fucking perfect. Thanks for asking.” Which is sarcastic in nature (more like something Ilya would say). Where the actual words are: “Prósto otlíchno. Spasíbo, shto sprosíli.” (Просто отлично. Спасибо, что спросили.) “Just excellent. Thank you for asking.” which is more polished, closer to a media trained answer and something Shane might say. 

The next line also doesn’t contain the word “fucking” but is instead, “Eshchó na frantsúzkom.” (Ещё на французском.) “And in French, too.” 

I think it’s important to notice the lack of cursing here, because while yes, Ilya is obviously annoyed he isn’t upset to the level of cursing over it. 

Ilya here is jealous at how easy Shane seems to have it. He’s not struggling with language or being PR friendly. He doesn’t have to worry about misstepping (at least Ilya doesn’t think he does).

We get a jump to Ilya standing while on the phone to Alexei. I think we don’t get the beginning of this conversation because it would probably be the same performative script we get in The First Call with Alexei. The first bit doesn’t matter, it’s worthless. This is the moment the conversation first catches all of Ilya’s attention. 

According to @ilyasaysitbetter this is perfectly what a soviet era home in Russia would look like. There is nothing out of place to let us know this is a recreation. There isn’t anything out of place to distract us from the show and perfectly depicts Alexei’s home life because of this. 

Also by lighting alone we can tell the time difference before it’s brought up later in the scene. 

Now I did some digging and Tyler Seguin was the Boston Bruins (the real life analogue of the Raiders) first round draft pick of 2010 his signing bonus was 90k and made a base salary of 900k his first year with performance bonuses. Gabriel Landeskog (who was rookie of the year in 2011-12) got a 92.5k signing bonus and only made 832.5k a year.

The minimum salary for a rookie is 500k and the maximum is 900k. 

Landeskog and Seguin both had 2.650m performance bonuses. This bonus happens after hitting certain conditions so likely isn’t given out until the end of season (but i could be wrong on that, I couldn’t find anywhere that mentioned it). 

Hockey players are paid 13 times a season.

So assuming a middle ground between Seguin and Landeskog, Ilya likely had paychecks of 65k with a 90k lump sum at the beginning. 

We also know Ilya had some kind of deal with CCM at this point, unlike Shane, we never hear about any other brand deals. 

In 2010 the estimated monthly cost for a single person to live in Boston, excluding rent, was 1.4k.

But that figure is wildly under what Ilya likely spent. First off is security concerns. Ilya is a professional athlete in Boston which is currently rated the best city for sports in the U.S. He can’t live just anywhere. This means living in a likely upperclass neighborhood (though probably only an apartment) though there is a chance of billeting or sharing with another rookie. 

The West End where TD Gardens (the Boston hockey rink) is the most expensive area of Boston to live in. 

And while we don’t know if Ilya as a 19 year old was doing much cooking (because eating out all the time adds up fast) we do know he liked to party (at least in the off season).

There is also the fact that he probably moved to America with very little and probably spent a good chunk of his early paychecks and bonus on buying furniture, clothes, ect. 

Now we come back to his conversation with Alexei, which is mostly translated as it’s spoken but if you want to dig in deeper check out this post by @ilyasaysitbetter. 

Alexei asks for 20k, Ilya is obviously shocked. But by the way Ilya doesn’t question the amount itself and instead asks “For what this time?” makes me think the shock is less about the number and about another large or similar sum, that he already sent being gone. 

This is confirmed by a line in his first call from Russia, where he says to Alexei that he has no more money and his bonus is done. 

And of course Alexei when asked replies with, “For fuck you.” This dismissiveness shows just how little he thinks of Ilya while saying that he thinks he deserves this money. 

Ilya doesn’t fight it at all, he is used to being treated this way. And while he says “This is the last fucking time.” We, but more importantly Alexei knows this is a lie. He placates Ilya, he’s gotten what he wants so all is good in his world.

The moment he is slightly inconvenienced by the fact he will have to wait for the money he blows up once more. It’s not enough to get what he wants but he also wants it on his time table. 

Side note: Two things I love about the audio here is that depending on who we are focused on, the other's voice sounds like it’s coming through a phone. It’s not something you notice but if it wasn’t there you sure as hell would. 

Next audio thing is that we can hear Ilya’s niece crying in the background when we are viewing Alexei’s end of the conversation. Without ever directly addressing it we get an understanding into Alexei as a father. His daughter is crying and Alexei is extorting his brother. What also is important here is that we can also hear her crying when we are Ilya’s side of the phone call. 

Her crying is a constant reminder that she is there. From the funeral scene in episode 5 we know that Ilya cares for her and when interacting with Alexei she is probably always a background thought. 

And I don’t think this is a purposeful manipulation on Alexei’s part but Ilya’s emotions are being manipulated here. 

Back to the conversation itself. (@ilyasaysitbetter hasn’t yet gotten to this section so I’m going off subtitles again and will change or add things later if needed.) “You always have some bullshit excuse, Ilya.” The way Ilya just covers his face and redirects the conversation is another sign that this line has been said many times before and we see Grigori using similar language when Ilya tries to explain himself.

Saying it is midnight is a perfectly reasonable explanation but his brother acts like Ilya is just making up reasons not to do what he’s told. No matter what Ilya says to try to explain himself in these situations it will never be seen as the truth. So why bother trying. 

The next section of the exchange is the first time we get hint something is wrong with Grigori. By Alexei saying, “What the fuck is up with you and Dad? Jesus fucking Christ! He is fine!” We know that this isn’t the first time Ilya has asked and been brushed off. 

Alexei’s screaming here only upsets his daughter further and her crying grows louder. 

“We can live without you. Go fuck yourself, Ilya.” You can only hear something like this for so long from people who are supposed to love you before you start thinking it yourself. I honestly think Ilya has already passed that point. Sending money to his brother is a way to make sure Alexei can’t live without him. This is Ilya’s way of showing his brother that he is important. 

With how Ilya’s head is positioned we can’t see his eyes and any possible reaction to Alexei’s statement. This show does such a great job showing us how characters feel through facial expressions alone that I think this is a purposeful choice. We aren’t meant to see (understand) how Ilya feels because he doesn’t know how he feels either. 

A lot of the time in the first three episodes it feels like Ilya doesn’t know what/how he should feel, though I think this is one of the more obvious ones. And when he does he usually does his best to push them down or distance himself from them. 

Of course we know the significance of their father asking Ilya to pick up bread on their way, which is confirmed in later episodes, but this is the first noticible signs of dementia. 

What’s interesting is that Ilya, the son who actively has avoided his father’s calls at times has noticed something is wrong and is trying to do something about it. 

By the look on Alexei’s face he has also noticed it on some level but doesn’t want to face what it means. 

Now I hate Alexei as much as the next person but I don’t think we should overlook the fact that he is the one who will have a front row seat for years of his father slowly losing his memories. 

And again while I hate Alexei he also grew up under Grigori Rozanov, he also lost a mother. He stayed in Russia while his little brother became successful in America. He likely had to see his brother talked about in the news and by high ranking members of society while being constantly compared to him. He has a huge inferiority complex that he masks with a superiority complex. 

This does not excuse him but it adds to his character. And one of the things I love about this show is how complex all the characters are. 

There is nothing Ilya can say once Alexei has said, “Well, he is stupid!” The conversation has been completely shut down. Trying to open it back up would just be banging his head against a wall. 

Another dagger to me is that Ilya says, “Good night, Alexei.” He could have just said bye or hung up without another word. There’s a longing in telling his brother “Good night”. They grew up together and he probably said this line hundreds of times before. 

But once again this small connection Ilya was holding out (like using papa instead of father in scene 5) is ignored and basically spat upon. 

Master List

Previous Scene

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Discussion: Autism

Discussion: Russia

Discussion: Disordered Eating

Discussion: Bottoming

Discussion: Yuna Hollander

[birdiescanfly]

Shane and his childhood Jellycat Cont.

So I already have a whole other post about Shane having a Jellycat (Bashful Bunny) when he was a kid, but then losing interest and comfort from it because he was bullied for having one in second grade. However, I couldn't leave it on such a sad note because he's got Ilya in his adulthood and if that man finds out about his childhood plushie, he will go to the ends of the earth to ensure Shane has said comfort again.

In my mind, I like to think that sometime during the situationship from hell era, Ilya indulges in some kind of traveling fair or festival and really likes winning prizes at booths, giving them out to kids when he does, but maybe using them as pickup lines with girls as well. He saves a few cute plushies he won in basketball hoop game to whoo some leggy blonde, it doesn't work out, (maybe she's gay or something which Ilya offers to give her the toy anyway to give to her lover but she just raises an eyebrow and tells him she'll win her own), so Ilya keeps it. Maybe in the back of his mind he wants to offer it to Shane next time they hook up, as a joke of course, and its all super unconscious, but he holds onto the cute bunny plushie and plans to call Shane bunny in Russian to see how flushed he can make him, see if it will make his freckles stand out more. So. He holds onto it and when Shane's leaving after hooking up, or maybe even when their still basking in the afterglow, Ilya joking chucks it at his head and Shane of course is annoyed, attempts to smother Ilya with it in return, but for just a fraction of a second when Shane first looked at what had been stuffed into his chest, he'd paused. His fingers had twitched toward the fluffy hear. Ilya didn't miss it, and he didn't miss how Shane's lips turned down into thin line and his eyes went momentarily blank. Then the moments gone and Ilya doesn't have time to think about it after being ASSAULTED by the rabbit seconds later, but the memory will stick.

Later, much later when they are actually together, maybe even after they are married, I think that perhaps Ilya sees a photo of Baby Shane sitting with his childhood jellycat on a worn-looking couch in an old photo album he's thumbing through and Ilya's like instantaneous heart-eyes and teasing about it and normally Shane is shyly embarrassed by the attention or otherwise bored and goodnaturedly like "fuck off" but this particular photo makes Shane lock up and even Yuna who was analyzing tape with Shane while Ilya indulged is oddly quiet and unresponsive about the photo. I feel like David would be the one to explain, too honest and awkward for his own good and responds to Ilya's "aw and who is baby Shane's little friend?" with a really stilted and harrowed, "that was Bun-edict. Shane's old jellycat." Then all the sudden Ilya has a million questions and this is touchy for both Shane and Yuna and he eventually catches on that he should just turn the page, maybe Yuna gets up and leaves and David follows after her and Shane just sits in silent consternation while Ilya looks on in confusion before Shane just purses his lips, a sad sort of smile in the tilt of his lips, and just leans forward and turns the page of the album. He only mumbles in an overconfident self deprecating way that does nothing to mask how much he cares, that it "took him way to long to grow out of stuff like that."

Of course this basically cleared up nothing for Ilya but he's nothing if not observant and good at subtly researching information before an attack so he gathers data and lays in wait. At some point he remembers that little rabbit plushie he jokingly gave him all those years ago and I like to think that Shane would be a little more open with Ilya at this point in their relationship. Maybe Shane has become more transparent about the loneliness of his childhood. Not necessarily out the blue talking about the bullying, how he was ostracized for how he looked, how sensitive and talented he was, how Ottawa wasn't made for people like him, but maybe in quiet ways. Maybe he starts to unmask little by little with Ilya, maybe he mentions how he wished he could have known Ilya when they were young, (he's saying this to try and comfort Ilya about his own troubled childhood), but then he lets it slip how nice it would have been, to have someone to talk to about hockey, how he would have probably annoyed Ilya away from him with how much he used to like to blab before he learned better. It's always small, seemingly insignificant comments, but Ilya catches them and is always a little surprised by how Shane, his lovely husband, could think so lowly of himself, how lonely he always seems to be even as an adult, as if he doesn't quite know that its possible that his people enjoy his company to the point where he talks about actively trying to give his friends, (Rose, Hayden, Jackie) breaks from him. As Ilya learns more about his sensory issues too, I think vague pieces flit together, not necessarily making a picture, but giving Ilya a reason. Shane deserves soft things that bring him comfort. Shane enjoys soft things, (hands brushed at the grocery store against fluffy looking blankets as if searching), and Shane seems to think its wrong that he wants them. I think this is something that in a round about way comes back to bite Shane in the ass because he's always pampering Ilya with whatever he finds out that he likes. Brands that Ilya are partial to shipping from expensive and authentically Russian shops for ingredients and soap and oils and clothes, and Ilya is going to give that attitude right back. I think he usually hesitates to buy Shane anything as a surprise because he's so particular, but for this the information is readily available. Jellycat.

I think that through his research he learns how important plushies can be for sensory issues and autism and he starts to piece and more and more together until he knows how delicate the topic will be to broach. He buys the Bashful Bunny with the same flower decorated ears as the one from the photograph, and he keeps it hidden. He wants Shane to have it but he doesn't want to hurt him with it, with all it entails, and so he just holds onto it. Then one day finds it while he's cleaning out one of the closets in the guest room for a winter cleaning detox, and Shane doesn't mention it, just puts it back in the box and later that night or maybe later that week when their both quiet in bed, Shane runs one of his socked feet up Ilya's calf to get him to look away from CandyCrush and then says, "Tatami Perfume Oil" and Ilya is confused and tilts his head like a puppy and Shane isn't really looking at him, he's just looking vaguely in front of him with his hand resting under his head as he lays on his side and takes a deep breath. He says, "It's what my mom used. To make Bun-edict smell. You know. Like home I guess." and Ilya is surprised but not really at all and he breathes through his nose and nods and runs the back of his fingers up against Shane's freckles and says, "I will ask Yuna for brand tomorrow, da?" and Shane leans into his hand, reaches up and grips his wrist with his fingers, runs his hands through Ilya's hair and nods, just continues to nod until he's squished up against Ilya's chest with his nose in his neck, knowing that he fits perfectly, like a puzzle piece against his side.

[wingsseni]

PLEASE POST THE BEAUTIFUL HOLLANOVLING DOODLES YOU SHARED ON TIKTOK 🥹🫶

here they are !! ☺️<3

[assiraphales]

rocky always yells “enrichment for grace! enrichment for grace!” when he has a new invention to make the humans time more interesting on erid. grace, while appreciative, replies ‘I know I’m in a zoo enclosure but could we maybe not call it that? I feel like a bear getting thrown a pumpkin covered in peanut butter.’ rocky simply gives him a thumb, not wanting to explain that a significant amount of the population sees grace as the celebrity savior scientist who rocky keeps as a controversially young trophy wife and publicly lavishes in gifts

[kawuli]

random PSA, I know a lot of people use duckduckgo as a Google alternative search engine, but it always kind of annoyed me when I was using it because it felt like No Name Brand Google

I have switched to using Startpage.com and vastly prefer it. for one thing, instead of displaying an "AI summary" at the top of the search results (unless you turn it off, yes I know), it displays the first paragraph of the Wikipedia article, with link, whenever it finds one that's relevant.

also a waaayyyyy better sense of design than duckduckgo

also private, European based, least annoying search I've used lately (RIP old "don't be evil" Google)

[yomikoreadsbooks]

Keeping a list of Google alternatives just in case…

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

i have one of those, scraped from multiple different rec posts:

Search Engines

Infinity Search is an alternative search engine with a special focus on privacy

DuckDuckGo is a popular search engine for those who value their privacy and are put off by the thought of their every query being tracked and logged. Uses bangs, ![site] for in-page search (sells your data to microsoft and draws from fucking bing)

WolframAlpha is a privately owned search engine that allows you to “compute expert-level answers using Wolfram’s breakthrough algorithms, knowledgebase, and AI technology.” A data search engine.

Boardreader is a search engine for forums and message boards. It allows you to search forums and then filter down results by date and language.

Based in France, Qwant is a privacy-based search engine that won’t record your searches or use your personal details for advertising. Uses “&” as a bang search.

Another privacy-based search engine is Search Encrypt, which uses local encryption to ensure that users’ identifiable information cannot be tracked. Metasearch across multiple engines. 

Offering unbiased results from several sources, SearX is a metasearch engine that aims to present a free, decentralized view of the internet. Can be self-hosted. 

Gibiru’s tagline is “Unfiltered private search” and that’s exactly what it offers. Requires AnonymoX Firefox add-on for privacy. 

Disconnect allows you to conduct anonymous searches through a search engine of your choice.

Swisscows provides fully encrypted searches to protect your privacy and security. Built-in violence/porn filter cannot be overridden. 

MetaGer offers “Privacy Protected Search & Find” through its anonymised search. A plugin will allow it to be made a default.

Gigablast is a private search engine that indexes millions of websites and servers real-time information without tracking your data, keeping you hidden from marketers and spammers. Variety of filtration and refinement options for searching. 

Oscobo is a search engine that protects your privacy while you search the web. By not using any third-party tools or scripts, your data is protected from hacking and misuse. Has a Chrome extension to allow use in toolbar. 

https://search.marginalia.nu/ an independent DIY search engine that focuses on non-commercial content, and attempts to show you sites you perhaps weren't aware of in favor of the sort of sites you probably already knew existed. Use old-school searching rather than query-based for the best results. 

https://www.mojeek.com/ 

https://wiby.me/ - It’s goal is to index as many personalized websites as possible, and NOT commercial sites. 

https://4get.ca/ it works a lot like SearX, but honestly better. It doesn’t have its own index, but pulls from many others. I think it’s the best for research, since it allows you to search for answers from different indexes, is easy to configure, add free, and avoids censorship as much as it can.

https://www.searchenginemap.com/ for more on how search engines relate to each other.

https://yep.com/ is a crawler

https://www.etools.ch/ retrieves from Google, Mojeek, Bing, and Yandex, like Searx

https://www.dogpile.com/ 

https://searxng.org/ (next gen Searx)

https://luxxle.com/ - possibly conservative?

https://presearch.com/ - good for academic?

https://kagi.com/smallweb - free/randomised Kagi.

Other Searchers

www.refseek.com - Academic Resource Search. More than a billion sources: encyclopedia, monographies, magazines.

www.worldcat.org - a search for the contents of 20 thousand worldwide libraries. Find out where lies the nearest rare book you need.

https://link.springer.com - access to more than 10 million scientific documents: books, articles, research protocols.

www.bioline.org.br is a library of scientific bioscience journals published in developing countries.

http://repec.org - volunteers from 102 countries have collected almost 4 million publications on economics and related science.

www.science.gov is an American state search engine on 2200+ scientific sites. More than 200 million articles are indexed.

www.base-search.net is one of the most powerful researches on academic studies texts. More than 100 million scientific documents, 70% of them are free.https://cosine.club/ is an electronic music similarity search engine

[boitterfly]

[bayouette]

I have a folder called Time is a Flat Circle in which I collect evidence of humanity. Here is most of them.

[aqueerkettleofish]

Okayokayokayokaybut "My hand will wear out but the inscription will remain" is kind of a power line BEFORE you factor in that it is, in fact, over a thousand years old.

[dduane]

It’s always good to spend a few moments, on a quiet day, looking through the Family album.

[rudywiser]

[ilya-sweetheart]

no shane and ilya are not mom and dad of the team (bood is mum and wyatt is dad duh)

however shane is like the hot substitute teacher you had when you were 14 and he didn’t pay you any attention he only cared about #getting through the lesson plan, but he was so hot you didn’t care and instead worked extra hard so that maybe he would notice you (he didn’t)

and ilya is the cute lifeguard at your all inclusive hotel and you try to impress him by holding your breath for as long as possible under water because you’re 10, and maybe he even will think your virgin strawberry daiquiri is #the real thing (but no, he’s too busy flirting with the old ladies at water aerobics class)

(lucas is still their son tho. ilya gave birth to him)

[rozanovshane]

[topgradeboy]

hollanov hall of fame (fic rec masterlist)

some popular some not so popular fics that i adore. asterisks are favs that i can't be normal about.

character study

rookie of the year by medric / @bluegrasshole*

rozanov – not on hockey / vdud' (eng) by werevolche / gotthesunshinex *

mosquito by gone_girl

au (hockey, or not)

vessel by medric / @bluegrasshole*

clear to a hedgehog by @magneticwave*

for the right reasons by @citrusses*

house of mirrors by ratherunnecessary

win and bear it by anonymous (public plea to please...update)

hurts so good (angst/whump)

penalties by @citrusses*

show me how to be whole again by @rozanohwell*

send me back a thousand days by @rozanohwell*

if only a prayer by absolutelyhollanov*

dogging by @radialarch

everything else (yum yum )

running down the hills by hockeyfinches

ballad of a bisexual terminator by pressuretoparty

torture me (with all i’ve wanted) by toomuchplor

like for like by @smugrobotics*

love takes a mile by corsi

that'll leave a mark by subcorax

forget there's any other place by anonymous

serendipity by ummrys